Death Note Dreaming
by DeathByConformity44
Summary: After L has put cameras in Light's room, Light comes home to find a strange man on his bed. It could only be L. LxLight Strong Yaoi Content. OC's.
1. Chapter 1

Death Note Dreaming

I walked home after school. It felt odd not to have Ryuk like a shadow behind me. We had passed by an apple tree and he had decided to gorge himself, I expected him to be a while, having to eat the apples carefully should anyone notice.

The front door was locked, so I fished out a key, letting myself in. Mother had mentioned that she and my younger sister Sayu would be going shopping this afternoon, and wouldn't be back until late. Father, of course, was so absorbed in his hunt for Kira, I wondered if I would ever see him again before I forgot what he even looked like.  
I raided the fridge in the kitchen, pulled out a can of coke and headed upstairs to my room. I paused at my bedroom door. The lead I kept placed on the door was broken, the slip of paper on the floor and the door handle not in its original position. Someone had been in my room. I cautiously opened the door, wondering. It could have been Mother, but then, it could have been anyone. That mysterious someone was revealed, sitting on my bed.  
"Hello, Light Yagami," the black haired man murmured. I could see his reflection in the glass doors leading to the balcony, and it was this reflection he used to study my face. He had large dark eyes, with shadows underneath them, his thumb pressed to his pale lips. There was only one person this man in his early twenties could be. Only one person who could get access to my home. The one person I'd been waiting for. I smiled.

"Hello, L."

His eyes never left me, making no movement or facial expression to even indicate he'd heard me. His knees were pressed to his chest, one arm wrapped around them. I hadn't known L would be quite so young, or so odd looking. Not that he was ugly, but rather, his hair spiked naturally in an interesting and pleasing way, if somewhat abnormally, his face still rather nicely shaped. Mmm...I rather liked the way he looked.

My eyes spotted the glossy magazine open beside him, revealing a woman in an erotic pose. I raised my brow. "Having fun?" I questioned. L's eyes turned to the magazine, his thumb leaving his lips as he traced the woman's contours with a long finger.

"No, not really. It's not quite my taste," he replied softly. "And I believe it's not yours, either. Just a prop."

I kept my face devoid of emotion as I undid my school tie. "What makes you think that?"  
"At first, just a feeling I had," L murmured, turning his eyes back to me as I flung my bag into the corner. "Supposing you had something to hide, what would a normal seventeen year old boy have to hide? Magazines like the one beside me. If you were Kira, you would have to put on a charade, knowing somehow that there were cameras in your room. How could I tell it was a charade? The way you would sigh in boredom. You showed no...true sign of interest in this material...So, I began to wonder...why would you read a thing that did not interest you? Unless you knew that there were cameras in your room. That meant your father was most likely watching you, and you would not want to show him what really interested you...Which made me wonder...how could you know there were cameras in your room?"

"That's my little secret," I teased and undid most of the buttons of my shirt. "You're really perceptive, L, but I'm really not surprised. I thought you'd figure it out eventually."

"I've solved harder things than this little puzzle you presented me with, Light Yagami...but I hate leaving puzzles, no matter how insignificant, unsolved."

I fell lazily onto the bed, and cracked open the can of soft drink, drinking it deeply. "Insignificant?" I questioned. L's lips twisted into a smile.

"Have you ever told anyone before?"  
"That's something else for you to figure out," I teased, offering him the can. He took it and took a small sip.

"It's not sweet enough," he frowned. His expression became daring, as his eyes traced my chest. I tried to keep my breathing normal, trying to seem apathetic. "How do you suppose I could figure out if you have told anyone before? Should I open up an investigation and question every person you have ever come into contact with? Or perhaps, there's a way to narrow down such possibilities?" L smiled, taking the magazine and tossing it lightly on the floor. His expression changed again, more wary. "Of course, you could just tell me, before I have to resort to other measures." I heard the hidden meanings. I let a grin slide across my face.

"You'd have to torture it out of me," I teased, rolling onto my side, away from him.  
"If your father ever realised how much I enjoyed watching you, Light, he would have skinned me alive," L mused. He reached over me to put the can on the bedside table, and settled down until he was lying beside me. "Tell me, Light...what if I told your father the truth about you? The little charade you played, to let him think you were straight?"

"I'd prefer you didn't tell him," I frowned.

"Hmm...but that would have to cost you," L teased, rolling onto his side, perched on his elbow so he could look down at me. His eyes were so dark....

"And what's your price?" I asked, unable to stop my breathing from quickening slightly. L rested his chin on my arm lightly, eyes trained upward on the ceiling innocently.

"Oh, I'm a very curious person. Like I said before, I hate leaving puzzles unsolved. I'd like to know if you've ever told anyone before. So, perhaps I'll have to torture it out of you...and if you tell anyone that I'm gay, I'll tell your father that you're gay, too."

"I suppose I could agree to that," I breathed, my heart racing. L's face moved closer to mine, his eyes locked on mine. He placed his hand on my hip and moved it under my shirt, caressing my skin with his warm palm. I felt a flush of heat course through my body. I wanted to seem like I was in control as he moved his hand to my stomach, rubbing gently, but I couldn't help the little noise that escaped my throat. His lips twisted into a devilish smile.

"Are you okay, Light?" he asked teasingly. "Or are you just a bit nervous? Do I smell innocence in the air?"

I grimaced and reached up to stroke his cheek. He reached down and kissed my neck, inhaling the scent of my hair. I shivered, unable to help myself. His hand left my stomach, trailing upward to my chest, pushing up my shirt so he could run his fingers lightly over my nipples which hardened at his touch. His questing lips left my neck and found my own, kissing me softly at first, but then deeper, with a need. He tasted sweet, like sugar or honey, his breath hot and smelling of candy. I kissed him hungrily, wanting to taste more of him, but he pulled away with a breathless chuckle, and moved my shirt away from my shoulder so he could kiss the skin there. I undid the rest of the buttons on my shirt and tried to remove it, but L rolled me onto my back, straddling me. The shirt was pinned beneath me, preventing me from moving my arms, I could have shifted to allow movement, but L's knees held me tightly on my sides so I couldn't move. My fingers tightened around fistfuls of the blankets as his lips caressed my chest, his tongue finding my nipples and flicking them lightly. I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my lips.

His hands replaced his lips, so he could gaze down at me. His lips were slightly parted, breathing quickly, eyes hungry. He moved his hips slowly, back and forth, making me blush and gasp for breath as more blood pooled to my groin. "Having fun?" he grinned, reminding me of when I had asked him the same thing earlier. He began to suck lightly on my neck, nipping the skin, still rocking slightly. The movement sent electricity through me, and my skin burned, sweat breaking out. Struggling, I managed to free my arms and pulled his body closer, wanting more. Something occurred to me.

"L...What about...the cameras?" I gasped, as his fingers reached beneath himself and undid my belt.

"Would you care...if I recorded us...making love?" he chuckled breathlessly, sitting up again, his dark eyes never leaving me. I bit my lip, a thrill coursing through me.

"But...my Father...?"

"Just relax, Light," L reassured me. "I turned off the cameras, your Father...is elsewhere...at the moment. He does, however, believe...I'm monitoring you...I'd consider this monitoring you, wouldn't you?" I laughed and he gave me a crooked grin. He kissed me lightly, as I ran my fingers through his hair. His hot breath mixed with my own, and I reached up to kiss his neck. I moaned, biting him gently with my teeth. His gasp filled the room, and I could feel him shudder under my grasp. My lips trailed to his ear, and I traced its contours with my tongue lightly, my breath making him shiver. His grip on me tightened, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

He pulled back, face filled with lust. I gazed at him in confusion, until he moved back and began to undo my pants. I felt a flash of fear, nerves twisting my stomach, yet I wanted him so badly. He grasped handfuls of the material and forced them down to my knees, until I was bare. I was red-faced, and I hoped he didn't notice, as his gaze was lavishing my throbbing member. His eyes flashed quickly to my face before he embraced me with his mouth. The shock made me cry out, my fingers tangling in L's wild hair, my hips bucking forward. He pulled away, eyes mischievous. "Can't you control yourself, Light?" he teased breathlessly. I grimaced in reply again. I was a little more prepared this time, as he guided his head down, kissing my sensitive skin, letting his tongue dart out. I began to sweat more now, my head spinning as he engulfed me with warm wetness. It was like a dream, the sensations going right to my core. I closed my eyes, as he worked slowly into a rhythm, bringing me close to my climax before he stopped. I tried to stifle a groan, but he heard it, giving a chuckle as he pulled off his long sleeved shirt and cast it aside. I gazed up at his pale flesh. I wouldn't have been surprised if my stomach rumbled with hunger for him. He traced my lips with his thumb before kissing me roughly. I arched my back, pressing myself to him. He put one arm underneath me, pulling me up even closer. His free hand cupped me, then began to massage me gently, growing in pressure, becoming faster, faster. I was crying out, my arms tight around his neck, his face buried into mine, our bodies hot and sweaty. "...Hah...hah...."

Once again, before I reached the brink, he slowed down. My muscles ached, exhausted from being so tight and wound up, and I could help my throat getting thick, my eyes pooling. "...Hah...Please, L...I need you...Hah....L," I pleaded. My hands trailed down his sides, and he used a hand to guide mine into his back pockets. My eyes flew open with surprise as my fingers touched something smooth. I pulled it out and brought it to my face to examine it. It was a tube of lubricant. L's eyes were deep with desire, and he reached down to kiss me. "I'm always right," he murmured against my lips, tickling them. "I'll be gentle."

I gazed into his eyes, surprised. His eyes were secretive and knowing. I couldn't help but trust him for this. He took the tube and flicked it open, before lowering it and squeezing a small drop onto the tip of my engorged member. I gasped at the cool temperature on my hot skin, and L laughed. He brought the tube lower, between my legs and felt with a finger for my entrance. It was an odd yet wonderful sensation. He kissed me hungrily, yet I was preoccupied, involved in the feelings as his finger entered me. He pressed around gently, loosening me, before adding another finger. I gasped and burst again into sweat. Everything he did was diaphoretic. He probed around, eyes closed, before inserting the lubricant. I jerked slightly at the cool liquid, but it quickly became warm as his fingers massaged it around. He worked into a rhythm, causing me to cry out again, moans often escaping his lips. "...Hah...Hah...Mmmn...Ah...Oh...Hah....Hah..." My body responded to him, and suddenly, he was sitting up, undoing his jeans, trying to pull them off. He wore no underwear, he was full and ready, and slowly, he guided himself into me. He hissed as he entered, and I gave a strangled gasp. Slowly, L began, and I felt his shoulders break out in sweat. I felt the barest glimmer of pain, something akin to a burning sensation, but it was mixed with the pleasure, making me quickly forget any pain at all as my skin stretched to accommodate his length. "Faster, please," I begged, as he buried his face into my chest. He eagerly complied, still being gentle and considerate, increasing the pace. His hand held me, pumping and stroking at the same time. I was crying out louder than ever now, L doing so as well, his glorious face filled with ecstasy. He reached down to kiss me lovingly at one point, but the world was spinning, lost. Time didn't have much meaning, I couldn't tell if our encounter was long or short, it was both. L surged into me, and I finally reached orgasm, shuddering as my white fluids spilled between us, across my hard stomach. L came moments later, his hot seed filling me.

L collapsed onto me, both of us panting, hot and lathered. It took a while to come back down to earth, to become aware of the cool air on our warm skin. Our breathing slowed, becoming normal, and L shifted on top of me, making himself comfortable. His weight was pleasant, and I let my fingers stroke his messy hair gently.

Against my chest I felt L frown slightly, and he looked up, frown quickly turning into a grin. "I think my investigation is closed. The evidence is conclusive."

"What?" I snorted. He kissed my chest lightly. "I just made love with a virgin."

I flushed. "What makes you think that?" I asked, curious.

"I've solved the world's hardest cases, you know," he teased. His expression softened. "Am I right?"

"Yeah," I admitted, face reddening. He kissed a nipple gently.

"Mmmn...Well, I was just bluffing."

"What?" I groaned, eyes flying open. He grinned, tracing my skin with a finger.

"My first time...I came too early. You didn't, you were perfect. But I saw how nervous you were for a while there. How embarrassed you got when I first tried to open your pants. Of course, confidence is an issue for most people, so it was not conclusive to prove you were a first timer. So, I thought I would bluff. If you were not, you would deny it. I was rather counting on the fact you would be honest."

"Now I know why they call you the best," I grimaced. L got up and dressed, then reached down to kiss me softly, eyes full of some unreadable emotion.

"If I were the best, I would have figured out how you kill people, Kira," he murmured. My eyes opened wide with shock, unprepared, and he gave me a tight smile before leaving. I lay there for a moment, before getting up and racing out after him. I collided with him on the stairs, and we fell down them painfully. He scowled at me, rubbing the back of his head. I pulled myself onto him, pressing my lips to his. Slowly, he relaxed. "What is this about, Light?" he asked.

"If I were Kira, wouldn't it be to your advantage to keep me happy?" I pointed out. "Right now, I want you." L stroked my hair softly.

"Your Father will be home soon. I can't be here when he arrives."

"L, think it through," I urged him, desperate. "Maybe you can break me down, force a confession out of me. Just stay with me. I want you inside me, always. Please."  
"Light...You're just a kid," he pointed out.

"I'm seventeen. You're not much older than me. I'm not a kid," I growled. He pushed me back, his features becoming hard.

"No. This was a one time thing. Get a real boyfriend. You cannot just fall for the first guy who sleeps with you."

"I'm not in love with you," I scowled, hurt. "I just don't want anyone else. You're the only one...like me."  
"I am _not_ like you. I'm not a killer."

"What am I supposed to do? The law isn't doing enough," I snapped. "I'm the best justice that ever touched this world. I'm not a killer, it's a life for a life."

L's hard face became knowing and gentle. I realised my mistake. I'd just agreed that I was Kira! L touched my lips with a soft finger. "Are you going to tell me how you do it, Kira?"

"No," I whispered, angry at myself. How could I lose control like this?  
L caressed my cheek. "Let's make a deal then. As long as you don't kill anyone, I'll make love to you as much as you want." I stared at him in surprise. What? Could I give up my dream like that? I was justice...to give in was to lose, to prove that their justice was right. I bit my lip. Which did I value more? L kissed my forehead, and pushed me away again. "Give it some thought, Light. I'm going to turn the cameras back on, so when you want to talk to me, just say it aloud, and I'll be there."

I watched him silently as he got up and left, shutting the door quietly behind himself.

***

I lay on my bed, thinking about the encounter a week ago. Unobtrusively, I sniffed the blankets. At first, I imagined I could still smell him, and remember the taste. I bit back a sigh. He was probably watching me, after all, Father was home, so most likely he was. I buried my face into my pillow, to hide my grin from the cameras. Knowing that L was watching me, I made a bit of a show for him, undressing ever so slowly, exaggerating my movements slightly. Father wouldn't really understand, but it amused me to picture L staring at the screens in a dark room somewhere, knowing what I was doing.  
I knew it was childish, but I wasn't going to give in easily to his demands. I'd set up deaths in the Death Note in advance, but I had reached the last few names. I needed more recent criminals...but if I killed more people, L would refuse me. I bit my lip. Why couldn't he understand? The world was wasting away, filled with rotten people, filth to the perfect society I wanted to create. Couldn't L just forget that I was Kira for a moment and make love to me just once more? I heard my father downstairs laugh at the television. Hmmm...

I got up and locked the door, and then went to my bookshelf, pulling out the magazine L had been examining. This would stir him up. I crawled back onto my bed, and lay back, flicking through it. I brought all the erotic pictures I could think of (most of them involving L) and breathing a bit faster, I unbuttoned my jeans slowly and let my hand wander down. I tried not to give a laugh, imagining L's reaction as I slowly began to pleasure myself. I got a bit carried away, when my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and answered it, forcing my voice to something somewhat normal.

"Hello?"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" L demanded. I rolled my eyes.

"Having fun."

"You wouldn't have any idea if you were embarrassing yourself, now would you? I might not be the only one watching."

"Who said I was jerking off for you? I was bored," I lied, almost convincing myself as I pulled my hand out of my jeans. "This is the sort of reason why putting cameras in people's homes is illegal."

"Trust me, I don't enjoy doing it. Watching you is the most mundane thing I can possibly think of to fill my time, but should someone walk into this room right now, I suggest you stop what you're doing," he said forcefully. I sighed and slipped my hand back down.

"I don't care, L. Besides, I have to keep up appearances, don't I? I'm playing the role of a normal horny seventeen year old boy, right?"

"You're not a kid, you're nearly an adult," he snapped.  
I grinned. "Really? Somehow, I can remember you saying I _was_ a kid, and _I _was the one telling _you_ I wasn't."

"Light, don't be difficult."

"If you don't want to watch me doing my thing, turn off the cameras. It's easy."

L's tone softened. "Light...Don't you know how jealous you're making me? You're not playing fair. Are you trying to make me give in?"

"Yeah, that was my plan," I admitted. "Was it working?"

"Yes, so I rang you to try to make you stop."  
"I thought so. I'm not going to stop, not until you give in."

"Light...please. I'm not going to sleep with you until you stop killing people," his voice seductive.

I frowned in thought. "So...if I can go a whole day without killing someone, you can reward me with sex?" L laughed.

"If that's the way you want to do it, yes."

It was giving in, just a little...but what was one day? Just one day and I'd get L to myself. Just once was enough to satisfy me...I hoped. "Alright. I'll stop killing then, but you have to sleep with me."

"Of course. Are you sure you can go a whole day without killing?" he teased. I rolled my eyes.

"Tomorrow, alright? Just this once. Don't think I'm going to stop killing totally. I don't need you."

"Sparing one life is enough for me," he said softly. "I'll let you know where to meet me, alright? Light...please try. I do want you."

I hung up and pulled my hand out of my pants, sighing as I pulled the blankets over myself. A whole day...it wasn't much. I could handle it. I just couldn't let it become a habit. I had a world to create.

***

"The Death Note has no more names in it," Ryuk commented to me pointedly in class. "When are you going to write down some more?"

_Tomorrow, _I scrawled on a scrap of paper. "Why? Aren't you going to kill anybody today?"

_No. I thought I'd give it a break._

"A break? Since when have you ever given the Death Note a break?" Ryuk cackled. I rolled my eyes and looked out of the window, trying to still the thrill of excitement in my stomach. I would be meeting L tonight.... Ryuk groaned. "Light, why do you keep doing that?"

I gave him a questioning look. "You won't stop looking out that window. You've been weird all day. It's creeping me out. Stop it," he demanded. I smirked and pointedly stared out of the window again. He growled angrily and walked out of the room through the blackboard.

I knew I could write names in the Death Note and make the deaths accidental, but the idea repulsed me. I didn't want to cheat. I had to see if I could stop. I wanted to earn L, fair and square.

The day didn't go quick enough, and I sat in my room, waiting for L to ring. Around eight, he finally did. "I've checked everything thoroughly," he explained, voice full of concern. "No criminals have died of mysterious heart attacks."

"I told you I could stop if I wanted to," I grinned. He gave a breathless chuckle.

"I doubted you could do it. Thank you."

"Where's my reward?" I laughed. He gave me an address, and I hung up. Ryuk gave me a look. I tried to keep my face impassive. Father wasn't home, and I told Mother the same story; I was going to a meet some friends to study. Ryuk tried to follow me, and outside, I made him stop. "I'm going over to a friend's place to study. It's probably going to be boring, I'm not going to kill anyone. Can you entertain yourself for a few hours?"

Ryuk shrugged his massive shoulders and bit into an apple. "So where are you _really _going?" he asked casually. "I heard your conversation on the phone. You told someone you're Kira, didn't you?"

"Yeah, just a friend. Look, I don't want to be late, Ryuk. I'll tell you all about it when I get back, okay?" I would go straight to bed, and I would have all morning in the cameras to think about a lie I could tell him. How could I tell him that that friend was L?  
The address L gave me was a rather expensive hotel. I went into the elevator which had a glass wall, so I could see the lights of the city before me. I walked to the room L was in, and knocked lightly. The door flew open and L stood there, looking breathless, eyes sparkling with excitement. I laughed as he reached for me, pulling me close, kissing me hungrily. He pulled me into the darkened room, shutting the door. We walked down a short hallway, which led to a large living room, with one whole wall made of glass showing the lights again. They illuminated the room perfectly. L kissed my neck, and pulled off my shirt, tossing it onto the floor somewhere. He tore off his own and pulled me close, kissing me with a tangible need. We fell onto the carpeted floor, L on top of me, his hands exploring my body, his tongue tracing patterns along my chest.  
"I missed you," he admitted, sitting up, his hands resting on my hips. I pulled him down until we were hugging.

"I missed you, too," I whispered in his ear. He gave a chuckle, and ran his fingers lightly over my skin, making me shiver.

"Isn't it strange? Enemies making love?" he breathed. I ran my fingers through his hair.

"I know," I agreed. "But I don't want to make love with anyone else."  
"Why?" he asked curiously. I flushed. "I already told you...you're like me."  
"In some ways, but I'm not-"

"A killer, I know." He nodded and kissed my cheek. "Light...can I tell you something?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"I don't want to sleep with anyone else but you, too."

I gazed up at him in surprise. He smiled warmly and caressed my ear with his tongue. I hooked my legs around him, trying to pull him closer. He complied, his tongue moving to my nipples, sucking with an intensity that had me gasping. His long fingers trailed down along my stomach, but I pulled him up, so I could ministrate the same pleasures on him, taking his nipple into my mouth and pulling gently with my teeth. He cried out, gasping, arching his back. I groaned, my hands undoing his jeans, our skin hot. Soon, I had him in my hands, massaging him. He was crying out on each stroke, as was I, caught up in pleasuring him. "Mmn...mmn...mmn..."

His fingers slipped into my jeans, fingering my entrance, rubbing in time. I cried out even louder, whimpering. Soon, we were covered in sweat, gasping for breath. L reached into his pocket and pulled out the lubricant. I couldn't pull my jeans of fast enough, and neither could he.

L put the lubricant on his throbbing member and pulled me onto his lap. I placed my hands on his shoulders as I lowered myself onto him, shuddering. He held his breath, letting it out slowly. He buried his face into my neck, hands on my hips, urging me to move. I shifted slightly, and began to surge, breaking into a fast pace, crying out with him. "Ah! Ah! Ah!" Finally, we collapsed onto the carpet, me on him, in his arms, shaking with the release as I spurted onto his stomach. I trembled in his arms, and he stroked my hair until our breathing slowed. I felt hot and sticky.

"L...?" I asked softly. He caressed my cheek with a finger.

"Yes?"

"If I don't kill anyone tomorrow...?"

"I'll be here waiting," he smiled, kissing the top of my head. I sighed sleepily, and closed my eyes, content. A phone rang, interrupting us. L reached for his jeans and pulled out the annoying phone, holding it to his ear in a weird but unique way. "Yagami, what is it?" he asked. I stiffened in L's arms, to reassure me, he continued to stroke my hair. "Yes, that's why I left Watari there with you...I suppose...No, not yet...Yes, Light is still a suspect. In fact, I'd say he's our number one suspect," L said into the phone, a smile on his lips as he looked at me. "Really? How strange. You see, Light is with me right now." I gazed at him in shock. He pressed a finger to my lips. "I'm interrogating him...No, he's not aware of who I am, he thinks I'm just an innocent friend asking questions...So far? Nothing conclusive...No, do not say anything to him...Of course...Yes, I'll make the suggestion." He hung up the phone and hugged me tightly. "Well, Light, your father got rather impatient with watching his family, and asked me if it was still necessary, mentioning you, after all, you are the most likely to be Kira in that household. So, I'm just a friend that you were studying with, secretly investigating you. You can come to me every night, and I'll make up some conversations for the investigation, provided you don't kill anyone."

I ran my fingers lightly over his nipples and watched him shiver. "Can I have a shower?" I asked quietly.

"Of course," he murmured, kissing the top of my head. He gave me directions and I gathered up my clothes and headed to the bathroom. I turned on the hot water and stepped under it, washing away the sweat and seed. I leaned against the cold tiles, upset. I was torn between L and my sense of justice. A moment later, L stepped into the shower, sucking on a lollipop. He was frowning as he caressed my cheek. "Are you okay?" he asked, holding the lollipop. I buried my face into his neck.

"You're making me choose between my idea of justice and you," I murmured. L was silent, simply holding me. Finally, he spoke.

"I'm not going to argue with you about justice. Our ideas about it differ greatly, but Kira and L...they aren't L and Light. Right now, it's you and I, Light. You need to choose who you want to be. Light or Kira. I don't want to be with Kira, only Light. Can you understand that?"

"Kira hates you," I whispered. "But...I love you."  
He kissed me gently under the running water. "I love you too, Light."  
Could Light defeat Kira? Which would conquer? Love? Or hate?

L gently turned me around and kissed the back of my neck before washing my shoulders. His hands were quick and soft, making me shiver happily more than once. I slowly washed him in return, savouring the feel of his skin. When we turned off the water, he passed me a towel and wrapped one around his waist. I buried my face into the soft fluffy material, making L laugh, until the phone rang again. Still grinning, he went to answer it as I got dressed. I walked out into the living room, and found him standing by the glass wall, staring out at the city. I smiled at him, and wrapped my arms around his waist. He grabbed my hands and ripped them away, giving me a frosty glare.

"Don't," he growled. My eyes flew open in surprise.

"Are you okay?" I asked tentatively. He made a derisive sound in the back of his throat.

"I just got a phone call, Light. Five criminals have just died in prison of heart attacks with no previous history of ill health."  
I stared at him in shock. "What?"

"So, after I slept with you, it's okay to be Kira again?" he snarled. "You can control the time of death, remember? I'm such an idiot. I couldn't trust you."

"But no one was supposed to die today," I told him honestly, mystified. "It wasn't me."  
"Then who was it? Another Kira?" he snapped. "Get out of here, Light."

"L, I'm serious," I frowned. "I didn't do it." Who else could have done such a thing? Who else had a Death Note? Oh no.... "Ryuk," I muttered to myself in disgust. He must have wanted to spice things up a bit. He'd heard my conversation, he must have thought I'd made a bet on whether or not I could stop killing, and he'd killed five people, making it look like I had done it. The only way to prove I hadn't done it was to show L my Death Note, show him that the names weren't written down, but that was crazy. That was giving him evidence that I was Kira, and he was the enemy. He would execute me....  
"L, I'm sorry," I told him. "I can't prove it, but it wasn't me. You have to believe me."

"You just used me," L snapped back. "I'm not going to believe you, you're just a killer. You're worse than those you kill, Kira. You tricked me."  
"L, it wasn't me!"

"You're a liar."

"L...."  
"Just go, alright? I've got work to do."

I nodded weakly and left, feeling sick to the stomach. I walked solemnly home, blinking back tears of shame a few times on the way, until I found Ryuk sitting outside the house, his lips curved into a large grin. "You look a bit upset, Light. Did something happen?" he asked, cackling. I gave him a glare.

"Why did you do that?" I demanded.  
"So I'm guessing you didn't get your 'reward' then? What was it? I was hoping it was really good."

"It was worth more than the Death Note," I spat, striding inside so I wouldn't have to talk to him. Ryuk's face was filled with surprise and curiosity.

"What could be more important than the Death Note? Light! Light! Go outside again and tell me! Or write it down. What's more important?"

I headed straight up to my room and climbed into bed, fully clothed. Ryuk was persistent. "Light, tell me! What's more important? Apples? No...don't tell me...you humans are all the same. How about love? Is it love, Light? No...that can't be it," Ryuk muttered to himself. "It has to be a physical thing, right? It was a reward...Hmmm...Oh, come on, Light! Tell me what it was! What's more important than the Death Note!?"

Maybe I should just burn the Death Note. It was more trouble than it was worth. A thought occurred to me. I would kill more people than before, and I'd blackmail L. I'd tell him that I wouldn't stop until he believed me. No...I couldn't do that. It was forcing L's hand. No. I couldn't. What could I do? I wouldn't kill anyone. Not one until he decided he could trust me again. Yes. It seemed like the only way.

In the morning, Father was at home, so I knew it was L's turn to watch. I sat on my bed, and spoke quietly. "I'm really sorry, L. You have to believe me, I didn't do it. Kira isn't going to kill anybody for a while...Please, L. I didn't do it." My phone remained silent. I found Ryuk floating around outside, ready for another day of mischief.

"So, are you going to kill anyone today, Light?" he asked. I shook my head firmly.

"Why not?" he asked. I kept my mouth shut tight. Ryuk did a flip in the air. "Is it because I killed those people yesterday?"  
"Yeah, it is," I snapped at him. "I'm not going to use the Death Note for a long time, now. We're going to see how long I can go without it if I really want to."  
"Is it a part of a bet?" Ryuk leered. "If it is, I'll just ruin it for you and carry on your work. I'll kill criminals each day. It really spices things up a bit, doesn't it?"  
I bit back a cry of anger. There was nothing I could do to gain L's trust again! Ryuk just ruined my plan to stop killing people. I hadn't even considered Ryuk into this plan, when I should have. He was the reason I was in this mess. Ryuk couldn't stop laughing all the way to school. In the afternoon, when school ended, I knew I had to do something. I ditched Ryuk, travelled to the hotel and went up the elevator to L's room. I knocked on the door, head spinning with things to say. 'I'm sorry' didn't quite meet the bill. One of the cleaning staff gave me a smile. "Sorry dear, but if you're looking for the men that were in that room, they left this morning."

"Did one of them walk kind of strange?" I asked. The woman nodded enthusiastically.

"Why, yes, that's him. He and that old man left."

"I don't suppose you know where they were going?" I asked half-heartedly. She shook her head.

"No, I'm sorry."

I fought back tears of frustration and left the hotel. I went home, bitter with defeat and sat at the table for dinner. "You're awfully quiet today, Light," Mother commented. "Are you feeling okay?"  
"I'm fine," I told her shortly, stuffing rice into my mouth quickly. Father sighed, finished with his meal.

"I wonder what's wrong with people today. Even L seemed down."

I pretended not to care and finished my meal. Sayu offered me some water, and I drank it down as quickly as I could. I stared at the empty glass for a moment. It seemed to be the perfect metaphor for me. Empty.

I looked through the glass to see my Father, and an answer came to me. I spoke quietly to him after dinner. "Father, can I speak privately with you?"

"Of course, Light. In my study?" I nodded and followed him in, Ryuk floating in through the wall. I shut the door carefully and sat down on a chair, wrapping my arms around my legs.

"Father...I want to tell you something."

"What is it, Light?" Father asked, concerned. I prayed L was listening closely. I was about to confess.

"Light, are you going to give up? Were you serious when you said you weren't going to use the Death Note anymore?" Ryuk asked me. "What are you doing? What about the cameras? Are you going to tell everyone about you being Kira?"

"Father...I'm...I'm gay," I announced, closing my eyes, hugging my knees tightly. Both Father and Ryuk were silent with shock. I opened my eyes slowly, gazing into my father's shocked brown eyes. "I wanted you to know," I told him softly. Ryuk exploded.

"WHAT!? YOU'RE GAY!? SINCE WHEN!? IS THIS WHY YOU'VE BEEN ACTING SO WEIRD!? WHAT'S GOING ON!?"  
Father couldn't hear the shouting, and I was so numb that I almost couldn't either. "Light...Thank you for telling me," he said slowly. "I imagine it must have been difficult for you to do so. Does...does anyone else know?"

"Only one other person. Are you...angry at me?"

"Angry? Of course not, Light! How could you think such a thing? You're my son, I will always love you, no matter what. I never quite imagined you were...gay," he forced out the word. I bowed my head.

"I tried not to be...but I can't help it." That would explain the magazines he saw on the cameras. Father reached over and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't be ashamed, Light. My father might not have been so understanding...but it's a new world, right? Things that weren't accepted then are okay now. I just want you to know, there's nothing you could do to disappoint me."

Unless I was Kira, I wanted to point out. No doubt L was thinking the same thing. "Can you not tell Mother or Sayu?" I asked quietly. Father nodded and tousled my hair.

"Sure."  
"Thanks," I told him gratefully, and headed quickly up to my room, leaving Ryuk. I slumped on my bed and covered myself with the blankets, hiding myself so I could hide my tears from L. The phone rang in my pocket. It had to be L. I held it to my ear slowly. "Hello?" I whispered.

"Light...Why did you do that?" L asked quietly. I cleared my throat twice, trying to get rid of the lump there.

"I can't stop people from dying," I whispered. "I'm not the only one. So I told Father...I wanted to do something to show you I'm serious. I didn't do it."

"I believe you, Light," he whispered back. "I'm sorry."

"Can I see you?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied. He gave me a new address and I pretended for my parents that I was going to bed, and then slipped casually out of the house, making doubly sure Ryuk wasn't around to follow me. I made it to the hotel, and knocked on the door. L answered it, not greeting me like before. Instead, he reached for my hand and let me inside the darkened apartment. He led me to a bedroom, and we lay down on the bed, holding one another. L slipped into his habit of stroking my hair, and feeling better than I had in what felt like ages, I fell asleep next to his warmth, my head buried into his chest.

***

I opened my eyes slowly. I saw white material in front of my eyes. I smiled, remembering where I was. L's arms were still wrapped around me, breathing softly. I sat up and looked down at him. He looked so peaceful in sleep, even amusing with his mouth slightly open. I reached down and kissed his unresponsive lips, kissing him until he woke up and pulled me closer.  
"Good morning," he murmured, voice heavy with sleep. I kissed his temple, and he yawned.

"I should have gone home last night," I groaned, remembering how I'd snuck out. L simply shrugged and traced my chest with his fingers lightly, making me shiver.

"I think you should get a reward for what you did last night," he smiled. "Telling your father must have been difficult, like he said."

"I did it for you."

"I know."

He kissed me gently, and then deepened the kiss, moving his hand to my stomach. I gave a happy moan and he slowly undressed me, kissing my skin where he revealed it. I tenderly kissed him back, paying special attention to his shoulders, then working my way down to the strip of dark hair that led into his jeans. I kissed the skin beneath his navel, watching the way he tensed, the way his breathing became faster. I pulled down his jeans to his knees and let my warm breath sweep over his sensitive skin. I took him in my mouth, swirling my tongue around the head first before taking more of him in. He groaned, his fingers tightening in my hair. I suckled deeply, taking him in as much as I could, eager. His hips ground forward, and I held them down.

"Oh, Light," he sighed, eyes closed, lips smiling. I increased the pressure, making him gasp and jerk beneath me. I burst into a sweat, my own swollen member feeling neglected. I released L and searched his pockets knowingly. I pulled out the familiar lubricant, and made L roll onto his stomach. I pulled down my jeans to my own knees and fingered L's entrance. He moaned and cried out as my fingers worked him, but I couldn't wait. I covered myself quickly in the lubricant and inserted myself into him. We both cried out. He was warm and inviting, and I surged in, L's cries in my ears as my hips touched his rounded cheeks. He arched his back, meeting me on every stroke, back tensed. My fingers dug into his hips, making my movements rougher and harder. I hadn't done this before, I struggled with myself to be gentle on him, but he was crying out for me to go faster. His passage throbbed, squeezing me, making me delirious with desire.  
"Hah! Hah! Hah!" I cried. "Mmmn...L....Hah...."

"Light, Light," he moaned. I found his stiff shaft and massaged it, trying to time it to my pumping the way he did so well. He let out a strangled cry, and inflamed my passions to an impossible degree. He came in my hand, and I soon collapsed on top of him, coming inside of him. We fell sideways on the bed, I was still inside him, and I held his hot, damp body close, gasping for breath.

I wasn't completely sure why, but my eyes filled with tears. I buried my face into his back, biting the insides of my cheeks so I wouldn't make a sound, purposely keeping my breathing slow to hide the sniff from my breathing. "Light...are you crying?" he asked hesitantly.

"No," I mumbled, tracing my fingers along his ribs. Tears slid down my cheeks. L rolled over, and I tried in vain to bury my face into the mattress, but he forced my chin up, revealing me. He gently kissed away my tears and stroked my hair in that wonderfully familiar way.

"What could a beautiful boy like you be crying about?" L breathed, his warm breath tickling my face. I flushed with embarrassment. "I don't really know. Just…everything, I guess." "Light…Can I tell you something?" he whispered, onyx eyes serious. I nodded, curious, as I wiped my eyes. "You are unbelievable at sex. I've never had anyone as…what is the word I'm looking for? Inimitable. You are imitable. Incomparable to anyone else." He kissed my neck. "Which is one of many reasons why I have grown to love you. You are intelligent, in this you remind me of myself."

"You're the one who's beautiful," I mumbled, running my finger along the length of his straight, perfect nose. He smiled and kissed me. "I assure you, Light, you are the most talented, beautiful boy I have ever known."

"Boy?" I questioned. He chuckled lightly in my ear, still stroking my hair.

"You're a mere teenager with more power than I can imagine. How can I word this? Keeping Kira absent is something I enjoy doing. I want to be with you always, and keeping Kira asleep is just a wonderful bonus. Light…you _are _just a teenage boy. I am an adult. Older than you. Whatever would your father think?"

"Who cares what he thinks?"

"You never intend to tell him you're…with me?"

I could see where this thought was leading him. "L…I want to, but I don't know how. Right now, what do you think he's going to say when he finds out you've been sleeping with your number one suspect, and his son? You've been watching me, and he's going to think you've just been using your position to spy on me."

"You are quite right, Light," he sighed, running his fingers down my chest and across my belly. "But that was not the original topic. We were discussing our ages."

"Right. And we've discussed it before. You're only what? Four years or so older than me? L, it doesn't matter. You could be old, grey and drool when you're making love and I'd still love you."

"Old and grey? Drool? Ugh, I'd rather die years before then," he grimaced, nose wrinkling in an adorable way. He sighed and lay back. "I'm hungry. Would you like something to eat?"

I grinned. "Is there anything that doesn't have any sugar in it?" I asked. L rolled his eyes and kissed me gently, then smiled mischievously.

"There is one thing."

"And what is that?"

"Well…I guess I'd have to show you what I mean."

L moved his hand, rubbing my spent member. I grinned, and pushed him onto his back.

"In that case, I'm practically starving," I told him, licking my lips in a way that I hoped looked seductive. His breathing became heavier, and I ran my fingers along his bare body, moving down until I had him in my mouth, suckling gently.  
A phone rang, startling us both. "Don't you ever turn that thing off?" I frowned. L stroked my cheek with a finger and answered it, smiling.

"Hello?" I watched as his eyes widened slightly in surprise, listening. "Yes…I was…I did…Yes…I did not think it was necessary. It was seemed irrelevant unless I could relate it directly to…Yes, I am aware…Because right now he's with me."

I looked up at him, but he was staring sightlessly at the ceiling, jaw tight. "Think what you want, Yagami…An idea in only a day? You weren't so hostile to the fact last night…Is that so? Perhaps I have, but I saw no reason to mention the fact. It was merely a suspicion at first…Matsuda said _what?" _L sat up so quickly, I nearly fell off the bed. He grabbed my arm to prevent my fall, his face frozen in surprise. "He did? I know, I was…I thought if I was there…No one was present. I'd been watching all afternoon, Light was the only one…He did, did he? I would like to speak with Matsuda myself. In fact, bring everyone here. I have a mind to speak to you all. Light is here also, as I've pointed out…What do you want to do, Yagami? Check the sheets? Agreed. Get Watari for directions. I will be waiting here." L hung up and slumped instantly. I sat opposite him, worried.

"What is it, L?"

"Matsuda, a detective working on the case turned on the cameras that first day I came to see you. I was unaware of it. He watched us, and kept the details of our encounter to himself. Your father was at Headquarters, where I left Matsuda in control. Matsuda reviewed the last few minutes, where you confessed, and he told your father the truth about our relationship."

I paled. "They know I'm Kira."

His eyes hardened. "They suspect as much, yes. Your father can't believe it."  
I felt like a total idiot. "What am I going to say? What will Father think of me? I agreed not to kill people, in return, you promised to sleep with me."

"Light, leave everything to me; I know these people better than you do. You're just a child, in your father's eyes, and you've become Kira through some evil force. You are still Light to him, but I'm the real Kira to him. I've taken away your innocence."

"L, Matsuda…watched us? And now he's gone and shown everyone else?"

"In simple words…yes."

I burned with shame and embarrassment, but L still managed to keep his head held high. Wasn't he at all concerned? His ass was on video! Our faces filled with ecstasy. L stroked my forehead gently. "Light, you have nothing to worry about. I'm not going to let you be charged. You're my beautiful boy, don't forget that."

I watched as he got up and got dressed, before handing me my own clothes. He tried to help me dress, but only hindered me, kissing me. I was gloomy, ready to face my fate. I'd lost. Kira was caught. I was going to rot in jail for the rest of my life. L ran his fingers through my hair to neaten it, not bothering with his own and led me to the kitchen. He pulled out a bowl of fruit from the fridge and a bottle of chocolate topping from a cupboard. "Don't you trust me, Light?" he asked quietly, tilting up my chin to stare me in the eyes. "Nothing is going to happen to you."

That didn't allay my fears at all. "What about you?" I asked, beginning to panic. He stroked my cheek, smiling.

"Nothing that I can't handle. Now, do you want breakfast?"

I tried to forget my fears, and tried to distract myself in L's idea of breakfast. He peeled a banana and poured chocolate all over it, then reached for some sugar and poured it over the chocolate coated banana. I stared in wonder. He put his lips slowly over it, savouring the taste and reminding me of the other use he'd put his mouth to. I squirmed in my seat, obviously his intention. L offered me the banana, but there was no way I could eat it and not feel sick, so I reached for a plain one of my own. I slowly unpeeled it, trying to keep my expression clear as I slowly licked the tip of it, then along its length. L grinned and made a show of sucking his own banana. I stifled a smile and brought my banana to my lips, intending to kiss it, but it fell, into my lap. I stared with surprise for a moment, before L began to laugh, making me laugh with him. I picked up the banana gingerly, when my Father entered the room with a group of other men and one woman, his team of detectives.

The laugh died in my throat and my smile slid off my face. L took the banana from my fingers, tossing it lightly into the bin and thrusting an apple at me. "Good morning, Chief Yagami, I see you've brought the whole team. Excellent. I rather prefer not having to repeat things."

"You intend to explain things, then?" Father barked, shoulders heaving the way they did when he was angry. An old man left the group and went to L, passing him a bar of chocolate and a sheet of paper.

"Thank you, Watari," L bid him, reading the paper quickly before handing it back.

"I keep some cereal and toast if you prefer," Watari smiled at me. "L isn't the best at preparing breakfast, or rather, any meal." L rolled his eyes at the old man. Was this man L's father? No, they looked nothing at all alike. I remembered the cleaning woman from the other hotel. She'd said that L and an old man had left. Was Watari L's butler?

"I'll be fine with this," I mumbled, biting into the apple, losing any trace of an appetite. L shrugged and continued to eat his own banana, chocolate dripping onto his fingers.

"How long do we have to wait, L?" Father asked. L gestured to the couch and other chairs.

"Make yourselves comfortable. Watari, would you take Light for a walk?"

"What if he runs away?" the woman asked, frowning. L turned his gaze to her.

"I assure you, he won't. Even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to."  
I heard a clicking noise, and saw Watari put a handcuff on his wrist. I gave him my wrist and he put the other cuff on me. I understood.

"I still don't like it," the woman muttered, sitting down on a chair. "But I won't argue."

"I don't expect you to," L shrugged, licking the chocolate off of his fingers. "It's the only option I'm going to allow."

I got to my feet and followed Watari out of the room, down the elevator and out of the hotel. The apple was almost forgotten in my hand, but I couldn't bring myself to eat it. Watari gave me a comforting smile. "Don't worry, Light. Leave everything to L."

"How long have you known him?"

"Since he was a small boy," he chuckled. "Such a strange boy he was, too."

"You raised him?"

"Yes," Watari nodded, eyes becoming sad. "I created an orphanage for bright minds. He is like a son to me."

"What was he like? As a kid?"

"Oh, incredibly bright. And strange," he smiled. "Every time there was a storm, he'd drag me out and he'd go look at all the snails and the puddles. He was very enamoured with the rain, always looking at his reflection in the rain. I'm not sure he ever liked what he saw. He was intelligent, when he was ten, I was no match for him in chess. He's got an incredible stomach, he's not diabetic, and he's perfectly healthy. I had to force him through his whole life to eat fruit and vegetables. He'd still pour chocolate over it anyway." He grew lost in memories, and I took a bite of my apple.

"Watari?"

"Yes?"

"L told me that he loves me. Has he told that to…many people?"

Watari smiled, closing his eyes. "The only person he's ever said it to is me, being the only father in his life." His eyes opened. "I swear I heard him say it once to his computer when it saved an important document, does that count?"

I laughed, giddy. He really did love me. He had to, right? He wasn't just saying it because I was Kira? "Watari? When did L tell you he…was gay?"

"Oh…That was a long time ago…He was…fifteen, I think."

"Oh."

Watari pointed to the gathering clouds in the sky. "Looks like rain. You might get to see L splash in the puddles like a little boy again. It's the only time he lets himself go."

"I'd like to see that," I smiled, hoping for rain. I looked up at the hotel, trying to find the window of his room. Would he be looking down at us? Would he be okay?

"Light, the only important thing for you right now is to just stay calm. L will handle things, you'll see," Watari consoled me. I sat on a park bench, and Watari sat beside me.

"How can things be alright?" I asked him. "I'm Kira. I did it. I promised L I wouldn't kill anyone just so he'd love me."  
Watari put his hand on my shoulder. "Trust me, L would still love you, even if you didn't promise."

I hoped he was right. Maybe hope was too weak a word. Wished. Prayed. Begged.

Watari's phone finally rang, the conversation only lasting a few seconds before Watari escorted me back to the hotel. My heart began to race as we got closer to L's room. The door was unlocked, and all the detectives were still there. Father, too.

"Light," L smiled at me. I couldn't tell the emotions in the room. He held out his hand, perched oddly on the chair. I awkwardly took his hand and he squeezed it reassuringly. "We've come to a decision, Light. You're going to be living with me for a while. To make sure I'm not turning a blind eye, these detectives will be rotating, spending periods of time with us. Of course, if you confess, we'll have to take action and you'll be put forth on trial. We're going to be watching you just like before, to make sure you don't kill anyone. Hopefully, this ensures you don't have the time or privacy to kill anyone. If we catch you, we'll take things further, and put you on trial. You see, we don't have any proof that you're the one doing it. No solid evidence."  
I frowned.

"But you will. If I were Kira, killings would stop as long as I am under observation. That would be evidence enough, right?" But I had told L that I couldn't stop it. Ryuk was having too much fun imitating me, trying to make me lose my 'bet'. So as long as Ryuk still killed people while I was under observation, I'd be safe…but how long would I be under observation and how long would Ryuk still keep killing people?

"Exactly," L murmured. Ah. So he remembered, and he was counting on that fact. He was going to clear my name on this chance that Ryuk still kept killing while I was under observation.

Was there some way I could convince Ryuk to keep killing? He would have to follow Father here, which I wouldn't put past him once Father announced to Mother and Sayu that I wasn't coming home. Father would have to get me clothes, and Ryuk would follow him to see where I was. I would then have to trick Ryuk with clever words so no one else would still understand. I'd have to let Ryuk think the bet was still on and the stakes were higher. I'd have to give it as some kind of warning as 'don't kill anyone', and hopefully Ryuk wanted to make me lose. It was a plan that relied too heavily on chance.

"Father, if I'm staying with L, I'll need some clothes then," I told him, my eyes trained on the floor. "Mother knows what I'll want."

"Alright, Light," Father murmured, standing. The other detectives except for one took it as a sign to leave. Soon, it was just Watari, L, the young detective and I. L introduced me to him.

"Light, this is Matsuda."

"Matsuda?" I asked, eyes narrowing. I'd love to kill him of all people. L didn't say anything else, simply getting to his feet and leading me back to the bedroom, and pushing me on the bed. He didn't intend to make love now did he? He lay down beside me, stroking my hair.

"If things don't work out, I still have a plan," he whispered. "Many plans in fact."

I buried my face into his chest, relieved. He held me close, until I fell asleep.

I opened my eyes. Everything was blurry at first, but finally came into focus. I was alone on L's bed. I stretched and got up, padding out. Watari was cooking in the kitchen, and L was playing chess with Matsuda. It appeared Matsuda was losing badly. He only had his king, two castles and a pawn left, whereas L still had every one of his pieces except for a knight. Amazing.

"Weren't you supposed to be watching me?" I asked, sitting down between L's legs, examining the chessboard.

"We were," L replied, pointing to the TV. It showed his bed, empty. "We had a camera on you the whole time."

"Great," I shrugged, unenthusiastically. L chuckled in my ear and kissed my temple before moving one of his pieces.

"It is inevitable," he murmured to Matsuda. "You are not going to win. I have all the pieces." This echoed with hidden meanings. Matsuda flicked his king over with a finger.

"I was never good at chess anyway," he scowled.  
L kissed the top of my head. "That was quite obvious."

"L…Can I play you?" I asked, looking up into his face. He smiled, affirmative. Matsuda gave me his seat as L quickly reset the pieces. The match went for two hours, Watari slowly preparing dinner so he wouldn't interrupt. L won, but barely. After dinner, we relaxed and watched a movie. L pulled me onto his lap, hugging me throughout it, resting his chin on my shoulder. When it was over, Watari versed me in a game of chess, and I won, but not without struggle. It was late when L took me back to bed, curling around me. He stroked my hair until I fell asleep.

***

I rinsed my hair, feeling so much better. I hadn't been outside in so long, I had been forbidden to go anywhere as part of my confinement. The only good thing was the fact I got to hang out with L who seemed to despise the confinement as much as I did. Father visited me often, never mentioning a single word about Kira which seemed to be a struggle, as he knew but did not want to believe.

I got to know the other detectives a little better, but mostly they just ignored me, working away in the living room, glancing up at me at the smallest movement I made. It had only been a week and a half, L and I making love twice in that time and both times slowly and as quietly as we could manage. The thing I enjoyed most was waking up to his sweet face, yet it didn't take long for me to learn that L was a bit of an insomniac and didn't sleep much. I wondered what he did in the middle of the night, probably working, using the cameras to keep an eye on me, and sneaking back into bed when he suspected I was about to wake up just to watch me do so. His eyes were always filled with childish wonder every time I opened my eyes, which I tried to do as quickly as possible to surprise him. He'd gently hold my hand and kiss my knuckles before breathing softly in my ear, pulling me close.

It was on one of these perfect mornings that I was lying half-asleep in his arms, his legs wrapped around me, hand stroking my hair habitually. "Light, today we're going to a new hotel," he murmured in my ear. "We'll be leaving rather early. You'll have to get up soon."

My eyes shot right open. "We're getting out of here?" I asked, filled with joy. He kissed my forehead.

"Yes. Watari found us a nice hotel with a private garden, so you can go for walks in the sun. I know you hate being shut inside so much."

"Won't you walk with me?"  
L lips tilted upwards against my skin. "Going for walks really isn't my thing."

"Stay inside any longer and you'll turn albino," I grimaced, running my fingers lightly along his upper arm, watching him shiver in response. His dark eyes became secretive and blank.

"You would prefer me tanned?"

I snuggled into his neck. "That's not what I meant. I love you the way you are, I just meant some sun would be good for you."

"Is that so? I detect there's something you're not telling me," he mused. "What could you possibly want from having me walk in the sun? Are you hoping I am like a vampire and would wither in the light?" he teased, his eyes searching mine. I focussed my gaze on his collarbone, flushing.

"Well, I have this dream," I admitted, avoiding his eyes. "I just wanted to…make love with you in the sun."

"That would make you happy?"  
I nodded, blushing. It had been a secret fantasy of mine, seeing him glow with the sun's rays, feel it warm on my skin, see the blue sky and feel cool grass beneath us, a breeze tickling us. It was an embarrassing dream, not very manly, but L seemed content. He kissed me gently. "Then we'll make love in the sun, if you want."

"L…what kind of dreams do you have?" I asked as he brushed hair from my face. He gave me a thoughtful look before kissing the tip of my nose.

"My dream is to make all of your dreams come true…to a certain extent," he smiled. "Mainly, I wish to create a world full of proper justice, just like you…Only my methods in doing so differ."

I snuggled ever closer, and he only pulled me tighter. "L," I sighed, closing my eyes, content to lie in his arms forever. He stroked my cheek gently, his soft breathing lulling me to sleep.

***

"Light…? Light, it's time to get up," L's voice chuckled. I blinked owlishly, sitting up. My head spun dizzily. Two arms scooped me up, carrying me. I groggily buried my face into the darkness of the man's chest, content to start sleeping again. I was jolted awake when I was dropped onto a couch. I blinked up at L who offered me his hand. "Awake now? It's time to go."

I took his hand, letting him pull me to my feet. I rubbed my eyes. "I didn't mean to fall asleep, I can't believe I even managed to sleep. It's all I've been doing lately."

"You look adorable when you're asleep," L teased, poking my side with a long finger. I rolled my eyes, stifling a yawn before following him out of the empty hotel room, down the hall and into the hotel. Watari was waiting in a car with Matsuda, L climbing into the back with me, holding my hand.

His knee rubbed against mine during the car trip.


	2. Chapter 2

L held my hand during the whole trip, or at least, I was rather sure he did, as I fell asleep against his shoulder. I usually wasn't able to sleep in a moving vehicle. I guess all the worrying had tired me out. So far, Ryuuk had continued killing criminals, still thinking he was causing problems for me, but was doing the opposite. So long as he continued to kill people, I would be safe. I had to pray that he wouldn't get bored of it too soon. All I could do was trust that L would look after me.

When I opened my eyes, I realised L had been gently shaking my shoulder. "We're here," he murmured. I looked out of the window and saw a small house in a rather quiet looking neighbourhood. I looked around, expecting to see a grand hotel, but I couldn't see anything, just more of the houses.

"L...Where are we?" I asked, climbing out of the car. Watari and Matsuda were carrying the luggage into the rather modern-looking house.

"Well, you see...I bought this house," L answered, not looking at me. I walked behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, slipping my hands into his pockets, resting my chin on his shoulder.  
"It looks nice," I commented. It had large glass windows, and had huge shady trees casting it into a shadow.

"You like it?" he asked, a strange tone to his voice.

"Of course," I smiled, kissing his neck. "It'd be better to stay in than a hotel. Except the room service thing. I think I'll miss the hotel soap."

"You see...I bought this house...because I thought it would be better than a hotel. Who knows how long you'll be under surveillence? This house is near to your school, and you can visit your mother and Sayu..."

"I get the feeling you're trying to say something," I said, feeling dread well up in my stomach. He leaned his head back onto my shoulder, looking up at the sky.

"What I'm trying to say, Light...is...will you live with me? Permantly? I didn't buy this house for myself...but for you. For us to live in together. I've decided...I can stay in Japan, and solve other cases from here. I want you to finish school and go to college."

I inhaled sharply, stunned. "You want me to...live with you?"

"I love you, Light," he replied simply, untangling himself from me and offering me his hand. I took it and let him lead me to the house that I wanted to be my home, no matter what.

The front door had a security system I'd only seen in movies. He pressed his thumb to a special touchpad before the door unlocked.  
"Your fingerprints are registered on it," he told me. "It locks itself every time it closes. There's also cameras in every room as well as microphones."

We took off our shoes and entered the rest of the house. It was all very modern and well-furbished. I doubted L had been in any control of the decorating. It seemed all very expensive, but I pretty much knew L had unlimited personal funds. The walls were all painted white, but not anything that hurt the eyes. The floors were white tiled, except for the livingroom, which had a white carpet. I raised my eyebrows as I saw the couches were also white. If anything got stained...

"Is white your favourite colour, L?" I asked with amusement, noticing how most of the appliances in the kitchen were white. He rolled his eyes and took my hand leading me upstairs. He showed me a door that was locked. He pressed his thumb to the touchpad then entered in a passcode.  
"For now, you're not allowed in here. This is taskforce territory. But this is all a part of the tour," L explained. The room was soundproofed, and had two whole walls lined with monitors, with four swivel chairs to opperate it. There was a desk already littered with stacks of paper. Matsuda was tacking a large detailed map of Japan onto the wall above the desk and noticed us enter.  
"L," he complained. "He's not supposed to come in here."

"I'm just showing him what it looks like. He doesn't know the passcode to get in, so it's perfectly fine," L replied calmly, before leading me out. There was only two more spare bedrooms and a bathroom on the second floor. L led me downstairs and showed me our bedroom. As everything else had been, it was all white and cream with a light wood trim.  
"Can you see ourselves in that bed?" he asked, giving me a lopsided smile. I laughed and kissed his knuckles.  
He led me out and opened the sliding glass door that led to the garden. It was all shady because of the trees that grew on the right, but the grass was cut and flowers grew around the edges of the large wooden fence. I heard the sound of a train passing by.

"There's a train track just behind that fence," L said, pointing straight ahead. "I hope the sound of it won't keep you awake at night."

"Are there cameras out here, too?" I asked.

"Cameras and heat sensors, but no microphones."

"You people are so tight with security," I chuckled. He grinned and held me in his arms before he kissed my neck hungrily.

"You know, Light, you never gave me an answer. Please don't take my own feelings into account, it's your choice alone. Would you like to live with me?"

"How can you even ask?" I grimaced. "Of course I want to! I want to spend the rest of my life with you! I mean, I can't believe how happy I am because you're staying in Japan! I want you, L." I groaned and buried my head into his shoulder.

"What is it?" he asked.

"My Father. What does he think?"

"He is appalled with the idea," L said cheerfully, stroking my hair. "But he said that it was your choice and if you wanted to go around ruining your life with me, it was fine by him."

"L..."

"Yes, Light?"

"I love you. So much."

"I love you, too," he smiled, kissing the tip of my nose. I looked him imploringly in the eyes.

"L...I want to show you how much I love you."

His grip around me tightened. "I want that as well, but I'm afraid that unless you want Matsuda being witness to us...Watari has already left..."

"Why is Matsuda even here?" I grumbled, burying my face into his shoulder.

"Because not only are you Kira, but you're the Chief's son," murmured into my hair. "This was a comprimise. He didn't want me being the one to watch you, so I comprimised and agreed to have one taskforce member present here at all times. Of course, it's not only because he doesn't want you and I making love. The whole taskforce doesn't really trust me anymore. They think I'm terribly prejudice and should you be Kira, I'll be too affected by my feelings for you that I'll interfere. Which is the only reason why your father hasn't put his foot down completely as to me watching you. He knows that I love you, and that I'll protect you against the rest of the taskforce, just as they don't want me to."

"L...It's an invasion of privacy. Don't I have any rights?"

"Well...Matsuda is easily convinced," L said, with an uncharacteristic snigger. "Plus I have more desperate measures in place, such as sleeping pills. Of course, Matsuda can't stay awake all night, but I'll still give them to him so he can sleep earlier and not wake up during the night. It's all okay, as Matsuda isn't allergic to anything and is on no medication. I wouldn't consider it otherwise."

"But don't the cameras record everything?" I asked.

"Correct, but I can easily enter the room and erase it. And Matsuda won't be sleeping in that room. He's in one of the upstairs bedrooms."

"L...You know...it never really occurred to me before...but...we haven't really being having safe sex, have we?" I flushed. He kissed my forehead.  
"Are you afraid you'll become pregnant?" he teased.

I reddened further and shook my head. My face burned with embarrassment, but I had to tell him. "L...I want to be seme."

****

To all of my wonderful readers, thank you so much for being crazy enough to actually want to read my stuff! I thought it was going to be a total flop. So, I've got a constant happy smile on my face and it's ALL YOUR FAULT! You all just write such wondeful reviews! (Keep 'em coming, even if it's just one word like 'Byakubum'! Make my inbox self-destruct with tons of reveiws! ^w^ ) Now, I have some uber sad news to reveal....I had written twice this amount this morning and last night, but I my computer went all funny and it didn't save. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I had to retype it all up from memory. I have a terrible memory, also. But, wonderful readers, never fear, because this version beats my old one. The one that got deleted was hogwash compared to this one, so don't worry. If you're curious as to what happened in the old one, here's what happened (from what I can remember)

1. They drove out to the outskirts of Tokyo where it just magically happens to be country.

2. The hotel they stay in sounds like some sort of golf course. I just couldn't describe it properly.

3. Matsuda is just plain annoying. He annoyed me, and I lub Matsuda, he's adorable!

4. Light and L go camping in the backyard. I might redo it a bit, because there were some ideas in it that I liked.

Now, wonderful readers, I'm sorry I left you on a cliffhanger like that without any lemony goodness, but L told me that if I cliffhanged you here, the chances of you reveiwing with messages of 'more' would be 87.4 percent likely ^w^ So, wonderful readers, we have some questions to figure out...

1. Will Ryuk get bored and stop killing people?

2. How will L react to Light asking to be seme? Will there even _be _any more lemons after this? What will L do!?

3. How will Light's family react when he informs them of his intentions to move in with Mr L?

4. Will Light tell L how he kills people?

5. Will L tell Light his real name?

So, please, review and stay tuned. Oh, and I hope it's become easier to read, because I know how to paragraph a little better now. When I wrote the first installment, I was clearly clueless. ^w^


	3. Chapter 3

I waited nervously for him to say something. He simply gazed at me in surprise.

"L?"

"That's what you want?" he asked, eyes wide.

"That's all I want," I confirmed, fidgeting. "But it's okay, if you don't want to. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to. It's stupid. I know. I'm sorry, it was stupid..."

"That's all you want," he repeated, stroking my cheek softly. I nodded slowly, my cheeks burning. "What you want...is what I want," he smiled, his jaw tight. He kissed my forehead. "I'm yours, Light. You can ask for anything, and I'll give it to you. And you already have been seme, once. Don't be so embarrassed."

"Well...You're always seme. I've always been uke. I know I was seme once...but I thought...you might not be comfortable being uke again." I looked at him imploringly. "Please, be honest with me, L."

"Didn't I tell you how wonderful you were?" he smiled. There was a strain in his jaw, still.

"Tell me the truth," I begged.

"I _am _telling you the truth. You were perfect."  
"But you don't want me to be seme."

"Oh, Light," he sighed, curling a lock of my hair around his finger. He took a moment to rearrange his thoughts. A flush crept across his cheeks. "Aren't I good enough for you, Light? Is that why you want to be seme?"

"No!" I burst, stunned that he could even consider himself being anything below flawless, beneath immaculate, less than ideal. I hugged his waist tightly, closing my eyes as I buried my face into his chest. "No! You're all I want, L! You are...There's no words for how wonderful a lover you are, L."  
"I'm the only lover you've had," he reminded me quietly.

"Please, L," I pleaded. "I only wanted to be seme because I wanted to make you feel the same way _you _make_ me _feel when _you're_ seme."

"You don't need to do that," he said, face clearing with relief. He kissed my chin, then the tip of my nose. "You make me feel all kinds of beautiful sensations already. You don't need to be seme to make me feel those things."  
I forced myself not to give in. I looked grumpily up at him. "You really don't want to be uke, do you?"  
"No, not really," he smiled brightly, happy now that his performance as seme was not in question. He tried to kiss me, but I put a finger to his lips to stop him.

"But I want to be seme. You said I could have anything I wanted. Anything."

"I'll think about it," he said impatiently, trying to kiss me again. Obviously to try and shut me up.

"No, I don't want you to think about it. I want you to say, 'Why, yes, Light-kun, of course you can be seme. I want nothing more than to be uke'."

"Why, yes, Light-kun, of course I'll think about it. I want nothing more than to think about it," he teased, digging his fingers into my ribs. I forced myself not to giggle or laugh, silently squirming at his touch. "Now, we'll talk about this later." He released me and strided back inside. I wasn't sure, but I couldn't help but feel he purposely dropped the lollipop, bending over, giving me a good show of his rear to tease me further. I folded my arms, making a noise of discontent in my throat. L was more evil than I had ever been as Kira.

"Whoops," L said, staring at his lap at dinner. L never said 'whoops'. I looked at him, trying to figure him out. Matsuda had cooked a wonderful meat stew, full of vegetables and thickened with rice. We had simultaneously stared at L in disbelief when he had sprinkled sugar over his own serving, as one would do with salt.

"I dropped a carrot on my pants. I hope it doesn't stain. Light-kun, could you get a dishcloth?" L asked politely. I rolled my eyes and headed off to the kitchen before returning with it. "I don't want it to stain, Light. Could you clean it up for me, please?" he asked, ever so innocently. Matsuda's head jerked up and he began to choke on a chunk of potato.

I sighed and bent to clean the peice of carrot and sauce off of his jeans, it being terribly close to his crotch. L bent his head close to mine. "You're a wonderful uke, doing that for me," he noted, a broad smile upon his pale lips. My eyes flew open. Jerk! I would get him back for that! Matsuda once again began to choke on his dinner, face red. My own had turned a bright crimson.

The phone rang and Matsuda quickly volenteered to answer it. He returned and held it out for me. "It's for you, Light. It's the Chief."

"Thanks," I said gruffly, taking it from him. I put the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Light. How are you?" Father asked. He sounded rather suspicious.

"I'm fine," I said, giving L a glare. He smiled innocently, nibbling on a bean.

"We really haven't had a chance to talk, have we, Light? L wouldn't really permit me to, despite you being my son. I suppose...I want to talk to you face to face, about this Kira situation. And also, this phone line isn't totally secure...I'll be dropping in often to see how you're doing. These arrangements won't be for too long, you still have to attend school, after all, the break's almost over. Your exams will be coming up soon. L has promised to tutor you, so you don't have to attend cram school."  
I took the phone into the kitchen, for privacy. "You know that L asked me to live with him?"  
"Yes. He told me of his intentions. I assumed you said yes. Is that the case? Or do you want to come back home after this is all over?" he asked hopefully.

"No...I want to live with L." I hated to disapoint him. "I care about him a lot."

"I know...he cares about you," he forced out. "But if he ever hurts you, you tell me, alright, Light? I'm not going to pretend, I don't overly approve of your relationship with him. If there's anything I can do for you, you only have to ask."  
Mmm...you could bully L into being uke for me. "No, everything's fine, Dad."  
"Well, you'll need to call your mother once a week. I've told her that you're attending an advanced schooling course in Osaka, and that you'll be back when school starts again." He hesitated. "I've told her you've met someone."

"Did you say who?" I asked, heart jumping into my throat.  
"No. I haven't. She wouldn't believe me anyway. You and _him. _The great detective L."

"Thankyou," I mumbled, tracing the edge of the bench with my finger.  
"I thought you would prefer telling her yourself, and I didn't even know if you wanted to...stay with him. You could still change your mind. It's only two weeks, isn't it? It should be long enough to clear your name..."

"Yeah, I guess-"  
"Look, Light, I have to go. Don't forget I'll be dropping by every now and then. If you need anything, you just have to ask. And ring your mother."  
"Yeah, sure," I said, forcing the sigh from my voice.  
"Goodbye, Light."  
"Bye." I hung up and left the phone on the bench before going back to the dining room.  
"You look troubled, Light," L noted, as I sat down. "Is everything okay?"

I gave him a smile. "Yeah, it's all fine. You're right. He doesn't want me to be with you, does he?"

"No," he answered simply, sipping his tea. I glanced at Matsuda whose ears were still red. Poor guy, having to put up with L and his stupid antics and childish behaviour. "I poured you some tea, Light-kun, to help you digest your meal," L offered. I eyed the cup suspiciously.  
"How much sugar is in it?"

"I didn't put any in," L replied, sipping his own. Or, more accurately, muching on his own, as there was more sugar than water in his cup. I sipped cautiously at it, but could find nothing wrong with the taste. I didn't really like tea, I preferred more bitter things.

I hurriedly finished my dinner and helped Matsuda with the dishes before retreating to the shower that was conjoined to the bedroom L and I shared. I had moved my things to the drawers and the closet already, and put my toothbrush near the sink. It almost looked lived-in.

"Are you sure everything is fine?" L asked, entering the shower behind me. He wrapped his arms underneath mine, resting his chin upon my shoulder, nuzzling my neck for a moment, before bringing a lollipop to his lips.

"Do you ever stop eating?" I smiled, reaching back to run my fingers through his beautiful, shaggy black crown of hair. He answered by running his tongue along my neck, leaving it sticky. He reached down with his other hand to cup between my legs.

"So, uke...up for anything tonight?" he asked, beginning to rub, lips kissing my shoulder.  
"Ah...hah...hah," I breathed, unable to help myself. _We'll see who's the uke, L. _"What...hah...about Matsuda?" I asked, leaning into him.

"He isn't going to watch you twenty-four hours a day. He does require sleep," he purred, nipping my skin ever so gently, yet so teasing with his teeth. "He gave me a rather encrypted conversation about how he didn't want to know about what you and I did in our bedroom. Apparently he can't figure out how to use the cameras for our room, and he intends on having a good night's sleep. He noted that he hopes he won't be interrupted by any noisy neighbours."

"And...mmf...what did you...hah...tell him?"

"I told him we wanted to try out something different tonight, like bondage. I told him you were going to wear a gag."

"You didn't," I groaned, turning to face him, wincing. He laughed and kissed my jaw.

"Of course I did. He turned the most amusing shade of pink."

"When did you tell him that?"

"Whilst you were on the phone."

"How am I going to look him in the eye ever again?" I groaned, resting my forehead on L's chest. L smiled childishly and continued to suck on his lollipop. "Can I have a taste?" I asked, inhaling the scent of strawberries from his breath. He brought it to my lips, breathing hard in my ear as I let my tongue sweep its surface. "Mmn." I licked it again. I wasn't usually fond of sweets, but I could enjoy a strawberry flavoured lollipop. Just not those ones with the creamy bottoms. I didn't like those. Were there any coffee flavoured lollipops? Those would be nice. I was fond of coffee.

"What are you thinking about?" L asked, taking back the lollipop. I yawned and ran my fingers through my hair roughly, making sure it had been wet thoroughly.  
"Coffee flavoured lollipops," I answered absently, reaching for the shampoo. I gazed in surprise at the shelf. There was quite a variety, most of them scented like various sweet things, such as vanilla, coconut and strawberries. I raised a brow. "Is there anything _normal _to wash my hair with?"

"But I thought Light-kun could smell like the things I love to eat most," L smiled in my ear. I found something akin to normal, but L took it from me. I began to protest, but he cut me off. "May I do it for you, Light? You have such pleasing hair."

"Fine. Go ahead," I sighed, yawning again.

"Are you really _that _tired?" L asked, as he applied the shampoo to my hair, gently scrubbing it in with his fingers.  
"Mmmhmm," I replied, eyes closed, leaning into him. It seemed like barely a moment had passed before L was assisting me in washing my hair out and was applying conditioner. I couldn't help but chuckle inwardly as I imagined L giving me the full treatment, buffing my rather short nails and a full facial. Knowing L, I wouldn't have put it past him if the idea entered his head.

"Light-kun, you're all done," L breathed in my ear, way too soon. I groaned, and placed my hands over his own to keep them there. He laughed softly and pulled his hands away, before turning off the water. He retrieved a towel and dried my hair before drying the rest of me and then himself quickly. He then wrapped me up in another towel and scooped me up in his arms, surprising me not for the first time of his hidden strength. He carried me through the door to our bedroom and placed me on the bed. I curled into a ball, ready to sleep, but L had other ideas. He rolled me onto my stomach, and knelt over me, beginning to massage my back for me.  
"Why are you treating me so special, L?" I mumbled, drifting off. He chuckled in my ear and kissed the skin between my shoulderblades.

"It's been a big day for you. And you _are _special. If you're too tired for anything else, this is a perfect way for me to once again aquaint myself with your...quite delectable body."

"Speaking of delectable, where did that lollipop go?"

"I dropped it."  
"That's a shame. What a waste," I yawned.

"Not really, I have many more," L shrugged, continuing to soothe my tired body. "I have shares in a candy factory to be totally honest. They always send me free samples of new products."

"I should have...guessed..."

"You know, those sleeping pills work quite quickly. They're very effective."

"Hmm?" I tried to think, using my gluggy brain. "You gave me sleeping pills?"

"Yes, I put them in your tea earlier, when you were on the phone. Matsuda couldn't believe it, so I threatened that I would engage in loud, passionate screaming in the middle of the night if he told you. Besides, did you really think I'd taint the drink of poor innocent little Matsuda without trying them first?"

That wouldn't have been his only reason. I smiled to myself, drifting off further into sleep. He was afraid I would take advantage of him. I would try to dominate him as seme. It was cute, how worried he was...about how he could never resist me...needed me...had been worried he wasn't good enough...L...my beautiful seme....

Within moments, I had fallen asleep.

I opened my eyes to see an unfamiliar ceiling. I stared at the unfamiliar white colour for a while, feeling rather groggy. That's right. L had given me sleeping pills. He didn't want to say no to me, so he had made sure I was too tired to ask. I rolled onto my stomach, buried in the thick doona. Were such thick, soft blankets really needed? It wasn't that cold at night. My mouth felt terribly dry.

"Light...I have a question," L said, entering the room from the bathroom, stark naked, drying his hair. He certainly liked his showers. "Yesterday, you mentioned that we hadn't been having safe sex. What brought on such a sudden realization?"

"If you get me a glass of water, I'll answer your question," I told him with a hopeful smile. He smiled back and pointed to a glass of water waiting on the bedside table. I sat up and drank the whole thing, gasping for breath when I had finished, before wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "That's better," I murmured, placing the empty glass upon the table. L tilted his head.

"You're very thirsty," he noted. "Would you like me to go get you more?"

"No thanks." I stretched and leaned back against the comfortable pillows, admiring his bare body.

"I've never really waited upon someone before," he mused. "I have always been waited upon." He smiled. "But I like waiting upon Light-kun. I like making him happy and giving him whatever he desires."

"Are you sure you're not just sucking up to me so I answer your question?" I asked teasingly, as he climbed onto the bed and positioned himself between my legs, looking up at me, love in his midnight coloured eyes. I traced the shadows beneath them with a finger, wondering if he had slept at all last night.

"Mmn, I would suck all night just to hear your answer," he teased back, reaching up to kiss me. I blushed modestly and stroked his damp, messy hair.

"So?" he asked.

"Well...I've read somewhere before that even two guys need protection," I flushed. "I just wondered...I mean, it wasn't your first time. And it never occurred to me that first time. Did you even think about it?"

"It was very selfish of me, wasn't it?" he murmured. "I forgot, but when I did realise, I didn't care. I just wanted to be inside of you. You're right. I should have been responsible, but...."

"It doesn't matter," I murmured, kissing the top of his head. "I was just wondering."

"Light...I _am _clean, you know. I don't have any viruses or diseases. Watari is adamant that I see a doctor every three months, as he's worried about my sugar levels. But still, I should have been responsible..."

"It doesn't matter, it's not like one of us could get pregnant," I snorted. L blinked at me, a troubled set to his eyes.

"Light...do you ever want children?" he asked.

"We're both a bit too young to be thinking about that, aren't we?"

"Twenty four isn't that young, Light. You realise I am several years older than yourself? You're just a teenager. I am constantly reminding myself that you _are_ young."

"You act like more of a child than I do!"

"Don't be angry, Light. It was just a simple question, after all."

I refused to answer him, instead, crossing my arms and looking away, sending a glare at the door. "Light." I didn't look at him. "Light." My scowl deepened. "Please, Light. Look at me." His fingers curled around my jaw and gently forced me to look down at him. I melted in his gaze.  
"I don't like you saying that I'm too young, that's like saying we shouldn't be together," I told him, blinking quickly to rid my eyes of moisture. "We _have _to be together. You _have _to be with me, _always._"

"Light, haven't I already told you how selfish I am? I could never leave you."

"Well, stop trying to give me reasons why you and I aren't a perfect match," I snapped. He sat up, giving me a chance to get out of bed, but he took my arm, forcing me to stay. He kissed my knuckles.

"Please, Light. Don't be angry," he murmured, kissing up the inside of my wrist and beginning to trail up my arm.

"It's not going to work," I said, my resolve weakening. "Trying to seduce me to calm down isn't going to work."

"What can I do to keep you happy, my love?" he breathed, against the inside of my elbow, tickling the skin. A quick answer popped into my mind.  
"Let me be seme," I told him, a smug grin creeping across my face. L blanched, groaning.  
"You still want to be seme?"

"Yes. And I'm not going to be happy until I am."

"Light," he groaned, giving me a look that suggested I was torturing him. Ha. I had conquered him. He reached up to kiss my neck. "No. Not today."

"I won't be happy. You said you'd give me anything I wanted."

"Yes, but this is silly, Light-kun. You don't need to be seme."

I pouted and folded my arms. "I want to be seme."

"Why? Aren't you happy with what we already have?" he asked, with an amused smile. He reached up and traced my lips with a finger. "I think it's time for breakfast," he said, as if that had been the subject we had been discussing the whole time. He got up and began to pull on a pair of his familiar jeans, but I scrambled out after him, catching him around the waist.

"Not yet," I complained, burying my face into his back. "You can be seme...this time."

"No, I don't feel like it," L replied, stretching, a triumphant note in his voice.

"But you can be seme," I pointed out.

"I am always seme," L smiled, turning to plant a kiss upon the top of my head. "There's no question about that. Now get dressed. We're having pancakes."

"But I want-"

"You want a lot of things," L sighed, exasperated, but still highly amused. "What is it this time?"  
"No, I don't think I'll tell you," I said childishly, retrieving some clean clothes of my own out of the inbuilt cupboard.

"Come on, Light. Tell me."  
"No, I don't want to."  
"Please."  
"_No, I don't feel like it,_" I mocked, putting on a voice deep to try and mimic him. L tilted his head back and laughed.

"Alright, fine. Don't tell me, then," he smiled.

I could only respond with one thing. "Good. Then I won't." I wanted to bash my head in with the lamp. Only L could win such a stupid, childish argument. I heard his pants drop to the floor, before he came and wrapped his arms around me.  
"Did you really think I could say 'no' to you, Light?" he asked, eyes glittering with humour. He kissed me gently, taking my clothes from my hands and tossing them to the floor before deepening the kiss, running his tongue along my upper lip, seeking entrance. How could I say no? I kissed him back, resting my hands on the back of his neck, toying with the hair there.

He gently lowered me onto the bed, kneeling on all fours over me, hands cradling my cheeks, still kissing me. I sighed happily as he kissed my eyelids softly, kissed the side of my jaw, behind my ear and down my neck. Such soft little kisses. His fingers danced along my forearm, explored the crook of my elbow and swept along my shoulder, making me shiver.  
I opened my eyes, wishing to bestow upon him the same tenderness. I reached up and kissed his shoulder, as he nipped my own with his teeth. I responded by brushing back his hair from his ear, and brought my lips to his earlobe, sucking on it, teasing him by nibbling gently.

"Ah..." he gasped, burying his face into my neck, trailing his hot tongue along the length, before kissing me hungrily. I could feel him becoming aroused above me. I hooked my leg over him, as his passionate kisses evoked gasps from me. His hand trailed from my cheek down my chest, brushing my nipple ever so lightly, causing me to cry out as he continued on and held my hip. He kissed my chest, when I bit my tongue.  
"Argh!" I managed, eyes watering in pain. I ran the back of my hand along my tongue, seeing the blood. L smiled, eyes lustful, as he brought my hand to his lips. He licked the blood away, and then drew me into a hungry kiss. It was still painful, but I could bear it easily as his kissing gave me pleasure.

"My beautiful uke," he moaned against my lips, kissing the side of my mouth, our heavy breaths mingling, kissing the tip of my nose, before moving down to suck on my nipple. I cried out, gasping for breath. My tongue gave a throb. My grip tightened in his hair, trying to pull him impossibly closer.  
"L! L!" I arched my back, trying to grind my hips against his own. His arm curled around my waist, pulling me closer. The touch of his hot, pulsating skin against my own was almost too much. I cried out, my short nails digging into his shoulders. "L, I love you," I moaned into his hair. He panted against my skin, kissing me hungrily, before kissing my forehead. I pulled on my own hair, eyes pooling. "L, I need you," I huffed, as he sucked seductively on my middle finger. My heart pounded, in a frenzy, my skin burning with sweat and desire. He reached for the bedside table and hurriedly pulled things out, before rolling us over, so I was straddling him. He brought a familiar foil wrapper to his lips, before tearing it open with his teeth, grinning as I recognised what it was. I groaned, unable to help myself from chuckling breathlessly. He reached down and put the condom on himself, before rubbing lubricant into my swollen, aching passage. I gave a loud cry, my hips bucking, trying to draw his fingers in further. "Oh...Ah..." He worked quickly, before he guided my hips down, bringing the tip of his engorged member to my entrance. I moaned with relief and unexplainable pleasure as I lowered myself down upon him, his groans loud in my ears, the sounds coursing through my body, sending lightning to my core. I placed my hands upon his stomach as I shifted and began to ride him. He bucked beneath me, sending waves bubbling to the surface. "Harder," I moaned. "L, harder!" He bucked with more fevour, his hands resting upon my hips, fingers digging into the soft flesh. His eyes were shut tight, chest heaving for breath as we made love.

My thighs ached with the strain, I arched my back, tugging on my hair as we reached new worlds together, explored new terrains, marvelled at new things. New colours and stars danced before my eyes, new sensations rocked being. This was why I could love only L. Only L could take me to these places. Could make me feel these places.

His sable coloured eyes opened, drinking in the sight of me, lips parted as he gasped, chest heaving with the effort. I gazed back down at him, sending him waves of pleasure and love, my heart so full of feeling for him that I was sure it would explode and pour hot lava through the rest of my body.

We reached our climax, and I shook with spasms as waves of bliss crashed over us, my hot white liquids spreading across his hard stomach. I slowed my movements, until I came to a stop and collapsed over him, sweaty and shaking. L's trembling fingers stroked my hair until our heartbeats returned to normal, resting in a bubble of happiness and warmth.

"L," I said huskily, my voice slightly hoarse. "I love you."  
L pulled me up close and kissed me so tenderly, tears sprang to my eyes. It had to be a dream. How could L love me so much? How could he contain so much love within him? How could I love someone this much? I loved him so much, with every cell in my body. The thought of losing him was worse than death. I clung to him, determined never to let him go.

"The pancakes are cold," Matsuda noted as L and I entered the kitchen, freshly washed and dressed. He wore pink gloves as he washed the dishes, and pointed with his chin to where a plate of pancakes waited. "The jams are in the fridge. And we're almost out of sugar. The Chief is going to bring some with him." His cheeks flushed. "I told him to come around lunch, to give you two some time to sleep in."

I smiled at Matsuda, feeling happy. I hadn't really appreciated him so much before. "Thanks, Matsu. I'll make lunch today, seeing as you made dinner last night, and breakfast this morning. I'm sorry it got cold."

"Oh, that's okay," he replied, surprised at my kindness. "I was going to make sandwhiches for lunch."

"I'll make them," I told him, tucking into the pancakes, ravenous. "And I'll make some cheesecake, if you want to help."  
"Will it be strawberry cheesecake?" L asked hopefully, placing the jams upon the counter before me and sitting on the stool beside me.

"Maybe," I smiled. I bet he was going to use the strawberry jam on his pancakes. Sure enough, it was the first jam he reached for. Out of his pocket, he produced a can of cream and pulled out a few satchels of sugar as well as a jar of honey. I stared. What else did he keep in his pockets?

"Are you okay, Light?" L asked, watching me, face puzzled. I nodded and turned back to my pancakes. He'd probably just put them in his pockets when I hadn't been looking. His hands had been full, after all. I couldn't shake the feeling that L _did _carry satchels of emergency sugar and chocolate bars with him most of the time.

My time spent in my new home was uneventful. Matsuda was supposed to swap around with other taskforce members, but he didn't mind staying and watching. I only had to last two weeks, and midway through the second week, less people began dying. I sat in the garden, a favourite haunt of mine where L and I would play chess as we lay in the grass. When it was too sunny, we would sit in the shade of the apple tree in the corner of the yard. What I enjoyed most about spending time in the yard was the lack of microphones.  
L and I lay on our stomachs, facing one another, as we played another round of chess. l captured my queen and studied my face. "You seem distracted, today, Light," he noted.

"Do I?" I asked absently, moving my castle. He captured it easily. How could I have missed such an obvious move? "I guess I'm just worried about if people stop dying all together."

"So...There's a second Kira?"

"Of sorts," I smiled, studying the board to make my next move. In my heart, I had renounced being Kira, but I was prepared for Ryuk to continue killing people if it was to clear my name. I was surprised he hadn't grown bored of it sooner. "His name is Ryuk. But you won't find him."  
"Is that because you won't tell where he is? Or because you don't know where he is?"

"Hmm..." I mused, moving a piece on the board. "I suppose...with my help you could eventually find him. But you see, he isn't someone you want to meet."

"Why is that?" he asked.

I smiled. It was time to tell L. "Because Ryuk...isn't exactly real."

"What?"

"Well...he's real enough. But he's invisible to everyone but me."

"Light...are you feeling okay?" L asked carefully, reaching out to feel the temperature of my forehead. I snorted.  
"I'm serious, L. I'm confessing to you."

"Why now, Light? You've never wanted to talk about your powers before."

"Because...I'm worried that Ryuk is going to stop killing people. If he does while I'm still under surveillance...it could be enough to prove that I'm Kira. I _am _Kira."

"I'm not going to let anyone take you away," L promised, an odd growl in his voice. He was determined. I smiled kindly at him.

"Kira's over, L. I've given all that up, for you. Anyway, Ryuk is real, he isn't something I'm making up. You see...Ryuk is a shinigami."  
"A god of death?" L asked, eyes widening visibly, mouth dropping open, hand freezing on the chess board. I nodded and rested my chin on my palm, kicking my ankles up in the air lazily. It felt so natural to talk about this with L, out in the open like this. It felt good to finally talk to someone about it.

"Yes. Every shinigami has a Death Note. Except, Ryuk has two, for some reason. He dropped one here, in the human world, and I picked it up. When you write someone's name in it when you think of their face, they die of a heart attack within fourty seconds. You can change the time of death as long as it's within that person's lifespan, and you can change the method of death. Suicide is valid, because it's something a person can think up on their own. And you can control their actions before their time of death."

L was quiet for a very long time, staring at the chess board. A train passed by, behind the fence. He finally spoke. "So, you picked up this Death Note...and you decided that you wanted to use it to suit your ideals about justice? And if you killed everyone with heart attacks, it wouldn't have been long before people started recognising that there was someone passing judgement, as we have seen."  
"Yeah," I nodded, as he moved a piece. I made my own move and waited for him.

"Light...a lot of things are becoming clear to me, now. But I believe someone who has the power to kill others...is cursed."  
"A condition of the Death Note...is if you use it...you can't go to heaven or hell."

"You sold your soul to a shinigami?" L asked with an amused smile, eyes guarded, hiding his true thoughts.

"I suppose...if a shinigami exists, then heaven and hell have to exist, don't they? But I believe that when you die, that's the end. There's nothing else. I don't want to have to endure an afterlife. That's like attending one party, being totally exhausted and having to go to an after-party, when you just want to go home and sleep. So, when I die, being in a realm in between...seems pretty good to me. I don't have to undergo the tortures of hell, and I don't have to be bored out of my brain admiring heaven."  
"Excuse me?"  
"I imagine heaven has to be the most boring place on earth," I smiled. "I mean, you don't know how could something is until you've seen something worse, right? You don't know what dark is until you've seen light? So, if in heaven, everything is so perfect, you'd get sick of it pretty quickly. I'd want to see something normal. Something imperfect. Seeing so much perfection...must be boring. And imagine how boring heaven must be for women. If women all gossip all the time, what will they do in heaven? They'll have nothing bad to gossip about. So, there's probably no women in heaven. And if being horny is a sin, I suppose there's no men in heaven, either. So it looks like I'm not going to be that lonely in the middle of nowhere when I'm dead. And if in heaven, everything you could ever ask for is handed to you on a silver platter, I'd get sick of that too. For example, I enjoy looking at good grades I recieve when I know I've studied hard. I like earning things, fair and square, like I did with you. I didn't kill anyone, and I didn't even change the method of death. I stuck to it. I wanted to earn you properly. And in heaven...you don't ever have to work for anything. You don't have to earn it."

"You've thought a lot about it, haven't you?" L asked, finally moving his rook. I nodded and considered the board closely before making my next move.

"I suppose hell would be more interesting than heaven...but I still wouldn't want to go there either."  
"You realise that you're not going anywhere without me?" L asked, giving me a smile. I smiled back as he reached over the board to stroke my cheek. "Light, if you're not going to heaven or hell, then neither am I. What good is heaven without you? And it would be hell without you. No supernatural force could keep me from you. A shinigami is powerless compared to my love for you."

I kissed his hand. "L, what if Ryuk stops killing people? He's bound to stop soon. He gets bored pretty easily, it's amazing he's still been killing for this long."

"Could I get this Death Note and...use it? Sacrificing the lives of others for you...I can bear that on my concience. And it secures my place with you after death."

"You'd kill people...to keep me safe?"  
"I want to enjoy a long and happy life with you, Light," he said seriously, brushing the hair back from my eyes. "You've given up everything for me. Your sense of justice. Your vision to be a god. You trust me so much that you've told me everything. How can I not trust you in return?"

"L...You call it trust. I am nothing without you. I can only give you everything that I am."

"You're going to be safe, Light. I'm going to make sure of it. And when the time comes...I want to tell you my real name. It's time you knew...but when I tell you...I want it to be special." He pushed aside the board, knocking the pieces over and crawled closer. I sat up, facing him. He brought his lips to my own. "I want to hear you say my name," he murmured. "You don't know how much I want to hear it from you."

"I want to say it," I told him truthfully, stroking his cheek with my hand. "I've always wanted to know your name. You can tell me whenever you're ready, L. I can wait. You can trust me. And I can trust you. For us, trust is all we have."

"You can _always _trust me," he smiled, kissing my eyelids softly. "I promise. I promise you everything."

Two days after my confinement was ended, Ryuk finally gave up on killing people. When I saw him next, I would have to thank him for being so dedicated for wanting me to lose my bet. I would have to bring him a whole basket of apples, which was what I ended up doing, as L travelled with me to my parent's house. I would have to explain to my mother that I intended on living with L.

I rang the doorbell, feeling like a total stranger, and the one who answered I hadn't seen in so long, that she almost looked like a stranger. "Light, you're home!" Sayu cheered, rushing forward to hug me. I chuckled and ruffled her hair.  
"You're as short as always. It's good to know that hasn't changed," I smiled. She looked past me and saw L. I suppose he would look very strange to her, but I had grown used to his oddness. "Sayu, this is L. L, this is my little sister, Sayu."

"L?" Sayu repeated, confused.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," L said, in his monotonous voice. I had learned that L kept his expressions only for me. To others, I supposed he was shy, or didn't know how to properly express himself.  
"Sayu, are you going to let us in?" I asked, amused as she continued to stare. She stepped aside, letting us into the annex, where we took off our shoes before entering the rest of the house, where Mother was busy baking a cake in the kitchen.

"Light!" she said, putting down the spoon and rushing around to hug me. She was getting shorter. Or was I getting taller? "Oh, I've missed you! Have you been eating right? Studying hard? You should call more often, I keep telling you that! I suppose all your clothes need a wash. Did you leave your suitcase in the annex? Your father told me you've met someone very special. When do I get to meet her?" She smiled, giving me another hug.

"Actually, the person I've met...he's right here." I gestured to L who stood with Sayu.

"Mother, this is the world's great detective, L. L, this is my mother."

"L?" my mother repeated, just as Sayu had.  
"I knew it," Sayu muttered, grinning knowingly. "Who else has a name like L?"

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Mrs Yagami," L said, holding tightly onto the plastic bag full of apples we had brought for Ryuk. "I've been working very closely with your husband on the Kira case and he has nothing but compliments when he speaks of you."

"Oh. Thankyou." She didn't know quite what to say. She was still quite stunned.

"Mother...I think we need to talk. You see...I want to live with L," I told her. She turned her stunned gaze to me.  
"You want to...move out?" she repeated. I nodded and linked my arm with L's. Sayu burst into giggles, but Mother still didn't comprehend anything.

"You see...L and I..." I trailed off.  
"Mrs Yagami, I am aware that Light is still a student. The year is almost over, and I can tutor him myself instead of him having to attend cram school. He can attend any college he wishes, as I'm willing to pay for all fees. I want to support him, as his partner. Light and I have forged a close relationship, and I would like to assure you that I care about Light more than anything."

"You know, I always imagined Sayu would be the one to bring a man home," Mother mused, shaking her head. Sayu blushed and retreated into the living room, preferring not to know. "Well, Light. This is a bit of a surprise. Would you two like some tea? We can talk about this at the table, if you don't mind. How many sugars do you take, L?"  
"Um...Mother, could you just leave the sugar on the table for L? He has some issues with his sugar intake," I said, leading L to the table. Mother made the tea and served it, sitting opposite us. She put the sugar on the table as requested, making no comment to L's strange perch on the chair, and watched as he poured a dozen spoonfuls of sugar into his tea. He took a sip before pouring in another dozen spoonfuls. I cleared my throat to distract her. "Father and I haven't really been honest about where I've been for the past few weeks," I said, fiddling with the zipper on my jacket. "You see, I've been a suspect of the Kira investigation, but my name has been cleared. In that time, L and I grew very close. Father approves, and I don't want to seem disrespectful, but I've made up my mind, and I want to live with L. He has a house a few streets away, near the train station. I can still go to school and I can visit all the time."

"Oh," she said simply, sipping her tea. I blinked. Was she even listening? "Could you clear a few things up? You said you were a suspect? You mean, your Father was investigating you? He thought you were Kira?"

"No, Mrs Yagami. The suspicion was all my own. Your husband stood up for Light the entire time. I hope you can understand, but I cannot give you too much information regarding the case and it's relation to Light. All I can really tell you is that his name has been cleared and there is no further suspicion, so there is no real reason for Light to be involved any further with the Kira case. His continuing to be with me has nothing to do with Kira."

"You love my son?"

"More than anything," L told her, honest and unblinking. "I can't see my life without him."

"But he can still live here. You can see him after school and on weekends."

"Mother, this isn't some schoolboy crush I have," I protested. "I love L. I really do. I want to spend the rest of my life with him."

"Well, you sprung this quite suddenly on me," she replied, cheeks warming. "You haven't given me a chance to get used to the idea that my only son fancies men, and wants to move in with his male lover who is the famous detective L and has been investigating you because he thought you were Kira! It's too soon, Light, for everything."

"Father has agreed," I pointed out.

"That's probably because he's had more of a chance to get to know L. I can't let you go off with someone whom I've only just met. I don't mean to offend you, L."

"No, it's perfectly understandable," L nodded, sipping his tea. "I would say the same thing if I were in your position. But I want Light to have your permission first before he can move in with me."

"You're obviously a very responsible person, L, and my husband only has the deepest respect for you. I can only feel the same respect. You're the most adept detective in the world, and the most mysterious, so I can only feel honoured that you've chosen to reveal yourself to my family. I don't have any reason to believe that Light could be mistreated in any way, but I am his mother, and the safest place for Light, in my mind, is under my wing."

"You're talking about me as if I'm not even here. Mother, I'm old enough to be able to move out of home, you know," I told her. "It's not something you can prevent just by saying so."  
"Light, I don't want to disrupt your relationship with your family," L told me, finishing his tea. "Please, your mother has a valid arguement, and she has more right than I do when it comes to your safety and wellbeing."  
"Who is safer than you, L?" I asked, thinking of all the security systems and cameras he had in place around his home.

"Light, why could L possibly ever have any reason to hide his identity?" Mother asked me, looking at her hands. "When you're a detective, your job is obviously to incriminate people. L has been known to incriminate many influencial and powerful people. It would be safer if you weren't associated with a marked man such as L."

I looked at L, stunned that this hadn't even occurred to me. I had always just assumed he wanted to be left alone. Perhaps...it was a mixture of both. "It's true, Light," he murmured. "I thought you were already aware of this obvious fact."

"Father trusts you. _I _trust you. You're alive right now, aren't you? No one has ever come close to revealing your identity. You're the most intelligent person I've ever met."  
"Someday, someone very well could outsmart me. It is foolish to assume you are unbeatable. That is where everyone goes wrong. Someone could easily use you to get to me."

"Exactly, which is why I'm dead against this," Mother said, her face torn. "Light, I want you to be happy more than anything, but your safety comes first."

"Then why has Father agreed? He should know the risks better than anyone," I said, frowning, trying not to show how upset I was. L was giving her reasons to object.

"Because, Light, he has your happiness at heart," Mother told me. "He loves you dearly, and sometimes, that clouds his judgement."

"I believe he mostly has too much faith in my abilities," L said, eyeing my mostly untouched cup of tea. I pushed it purposely out of reach, so he couldn't have it. That would teach him for siding with her.

"That's not it," my Father's gruff voice said. He entered through the annex, putting his keys in his pocket. "No. You see...I agreed because I know how much you love my son, L. I know you would do everything in your power to protect him, just as I would. You have the power, and would, if the problem arose, send Light to the most isolated place on earth with the military guarding him just to keep him safe. Like any parent...like someone who loves my son more than anything, you would sacrifice yourself for him. You've convinced me that you'd give your life for his, L."

"And I would," L murmured, nodding.

Father sat down and poured himself a cup of tea, and refilled L's cup, before producing a bag of sugar out of his pocket. "I thought we might be out of sugar by the end of the day," he commented, a twinkle in his eye as he placed it on the table.

"What are you doing home so early?" Mother asked, obviously unhappy with him siding with me.

"Well, I knew L and Light were dropping in today, so I thought I'd have lunch here and see how Light's begging was going," Father said, smiling at me behind his cup. "It appears you've been failing, until I arrived."

"It doesn't matter, I've made up my mind," I said stubbornly. "I'm moving in with L." I gave him a glare, daring him to argue. L could barely contain a smile. I rose to my feet and picked up the bag of apples. "I'm going to go grab some things. L, I might need some help." L nodded and followed after me, up the familiar stairs and into my room. I locked the door, and looked around. Ryuk wasn't there. I walked over, when I saw a movement in the corner of my eye. Did my bed just...tremble? I heard a familiar muffled snort, and then Ryuk couldn't help himself. He emerged from under the bed.  
"I was going to scare you in front of your friend, kid, but I couldn't help it. It would have been so funny to see you jump and scream for no reason in front of him."

"And as usual, you couldn't stop yourself from giggling like a little girl," I said directly to him, shaking my head. L tapped his lip with a finger, in thought.

"Hello, Ryuk," he said experimentally aloud. Ryuk did a doubletake.

"What? Can he see me?" he asked, stunned. "His eyes aren't on me. How does he know about me, Light? Who is he? He's so weird, look at him!"

I moved to my desk and took the ink filler from one of my pens before inserting it in the bottom of the top drawer of my desk. There resided my Death Note. I pulled it out and brought it to L who held it with his odd grasp, holding it between his thumbs and forefingers at the corners. He looked up expectantly. He smiled up at Ryuk. "Well, at least Light isn't going crazy. So, you _are _real, Ryuk." He passed me back the Death Note which I stuffed into a bag.

"We brought you some apples. I wanted to thank you for killing people for so long. You saved my life, Ryuk," I said gratefully, holding up the bag of apples. He gave a screech.  
"Apples!" he leapt for them and shoved one as quickly as he could into his shark-like mouth. "This makes up for you leaving me all alone for so long. I haven't seen you in ages, Light! And could you tell your friend to stop staring it me? It's really freaking me out."  
"A lot of things freak you out," I snorted, sitting on my bed. "But this guy should freak you out more once you figure out who he is."

"How the hell should I know who he is?" Ryuk asked. He dropped an apple into his mouth, swallowing it whole, before it lodged in his throat. His already wide eyes bulged and he began to splutter, hitting his chest to dislodge it.

"Shouldn't we help him, Light?" L asked, his voice detatched. I shook my head.

"No, this happens all the time, he's too impatient to chew. He'll cough it up eventually and it's not like he'll _die._"

"Hey," Ryuk coughed, bringing up the slobbery remains of the apple, before shoving it back into his mouth and chewing it carefully. "So, Light, who is your friend?" He held another apple above his mouth.  
"This is L, Ryuk."

Ryuk dropped the apple in surprise. It fell into his throat, and be began to choke again. "L? The detective L that you were supposed to kill?" Ryuk asked, when he'd gotten past the issue of the apple.

"Yes, Ryuk. This is L."

"Wow," Ryuk said, stunned. "So how come you're friends now?"

"We're more than friends, Ryuk, we're lovers," I told him, hiding a smile.

"Do all shinigami look like you do?" L asked, circling Ryuk, his ebony eyes regarding him closely. Ryuk shook his head, looking very freaked out, nostrils flared and trying to back away from the freaky little L. I laughed and began to gather my things into my old sports bag. I hadn't played tennis in so long...it would be good to take it up again, back at school.  
"Ryuk, I'm going to destroy the Death Note," I told him, looking over my shoulder, to distract him from L. "I don't need it anymore. I've given up being Kira."  
"But why?" Ryuk asked, floored yet again. "Won't you need it?"

"Why would I need it? I've given up being Kira."

"Yeah, but what about the other Death Note?"  
I froze. "What other Death Note, Ryuk?"

"Haven't you noticed how criminals have been dying all week?"

"That...that wasn't you?"

"No. I gave it up ages ago. I thought if I stopped, you'd come back home," Ryuk told me, pulling a face at L.

"There's...another Death Note? Another shinigami?"

"Yeah," Ryuk nodded. "If it isn't me, and it isn't you, who else could be killing all those criminals?"

"I thought it was weird that you hadn't gotten bored," I mused, heart racing. I wasn't sure how to take this news. It was good, because it meant that I couldn't be linked as Kira. It was bad, because if this Kira made any kind of mistake, the Death Note could be revealed, or some clue that could link me to being Kira. I was screwed, then. I couldn't destroy this Death Note. I would still need it. I looked at L who met my eyes. I could tell he was thinking along the same lines.

"Light...I'll do anything to keep you safe," L said, striding over to me and taking my hands. He looked up at Ryuk who was staring. "Ryuk, what are the chances of this new Kira finding Light? Can other shinigami see other shinigami? If so, could you be able to see this new shinigami and tell us who it's with?"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down," Ryuk said, putting up his hands. "As a matter of fact, shinigami _can _see other shinigami. That doesn't mean I'm going to tell you if I see this one."

"Never ask Ryuk for help," I said to L in disgust.

"So if that new shinigami saw you, Ryuk, would it tell the person who has the Death Note?"

"I dunno. Can't really say," Ryuk said, chewing on an apple. "There's no real rules to these things."

"Say this person was not with their shinigami. Is there any way that this person could identify Light as an owner of a Death Note? Could this person see you without having to touch Light's Death Note?"  
"I'm pretty sure a human _has _to touch the Death Note to see whatever shinigami who owns it. There's no other ways to be able to see it. And I don't know about that first question. I suppose Light would have to tell them, himself. It's not like people with Death Notes go walking around with a big sign above their heads saying 'I'm the proud owner of a Death Note' or anything."

"That's all I need to know," L said calmly. "Thank you, Ryuk."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "How can you come up with a plan with only that information?"

"From Ryuk giving us this information, I have deduced quite a few things, and have construed a number of plans. But firstly, I will assemble the taskforce. We'll hunt for this Kira just as we've been hunting for you, Light. They may be just an average, unskilled person who has come across a Death Note. I sincerely hope so, as I don't want to have to deal with someone as intelligent as you, Light. You were so intelligent that I never could find any proof. We also have a distinct advantage, Light. Can you pick out what it is?"

I thought about this new situation, then I smiled. "This new Kira has been killing criminals. Obviously their ideals are similiar to that of mine. So, they'd obviously listen to what I'd have to say."

"Exactly. As the first Kira, you have an influence over this new Kira." He touched his lips to mine briefly. "I have to keep a number of steps ahead of taskforce. I will have to mislead them. I can't afford to have anyone suspect you or I. Now, I do believe we've been in your room far too long. Retrieve your things and we'll go."

"What about Ryuk? We never really planned what to do with him."

"He could prove very useful, couldn't he?" L mused aloud. He turned to Ryuk and pulled an apple from his pocket. "Ryuk, what would you say if I were to offer you an unlimited supply of apples? Juicy red ones which you appear to like so much." Ryuk's eyes followed the apple in L's hand. "Would you stay in a certain location? I'd like you to come and stay with us, Ryuk. I know you've been cooped up here for a long time, so this is a chance to alleviate some of your boredom."

"Unlimited...supply?" Ryuk echoed. L tossed the apple to him, and Ryuk fell upon it greedily. "You know, you didn't really have to ask if I wanted to come with you. I was going to follow you anyway. It's a great change now that there's people I can finally talk to."

"There's a limit to how much we'll be able to converse. My home is full of wire taps and cameras, but in the yard, there is an apple tree. I'll remove the cameras from the yard, so you'll be free to eat as many apples as you wish," L promised. I could see Ryuk was beginning to warm up to L. Perhaps he would start to cooperate...

"Hey, Light, how come you're never as nice to me as L?" Ryuk demanded, pointing a long, sharp finger at me. I rolled my eyes and slung my bag over my shoulder. L took my hand and together, we headed downstairs, Ryuk flying behind us, every step of the way. We could do this together.

"Can't you stop him? He'll listen to you," I heard Mother beg.

"No. He's made up his mind, and I trust L. Kira will find us long before he finds L," Father replied. "Light is going to be fine. He'd be leaving home soon anyway, when he goes to university. L has even offered to pay for Light."

"But we've got enough money-"

"No. Let L look after him. L needs someone to look after. He has more money than he knows what to do with, so let him use it to look after Light. We can use the money we've saved up for Sayu, unless some mysterious, rich detective wants to take her away, too."

"But I don't want Light to go. He's still in school..."  
"He'll be in college shortly. He's a young adult, not a child. And he lives very close by, so he can visit all the time."

"I don't like it."

"I know you don't, Sachinko. But it's Light's choice. It's not like he's moving to another city. It's just a few streets away."  
"I wonder if they've slept together," Sayu chimed in, giggling. There was a silence. I tried not to flush as L and I joined them. L of course, was completely expressionless.

Father cleared his throat and pulled out his car keys. "Well, I need to get back to taskforce headquarters. Will I be seeing you there, L?"

"I'll be there first thing on Monday, whilst Light is at school," L answered. "In the meantime, I'll be doing some investigating from the security centre at home." I wondered if it felt strange for L to call a place home. Had he ever been able to call a place home? Wasn't he an orphan?

"Didn't you have a bag of apples?" Sayu asked, noticing its absence. I shrugged and gestured to my bag. "I put them in there," I lied. Ryuk had finished every last one...

"Well...are you ready to go, Light?" L asked.

"Can I offer you a lift?" Father asked. L shook his head.

"No, thank you. I rather need the excercise," L said. Sayu snorted into her hand, then tried to cover it with coughing. "Are you alright, Sayu?" L asked innocently. She nodded quickly. L, Father and I put our shoes on and headed off, Sayu and Mother waving at us from the gate.

"Chief Yagami is quite a different person at home," L noted as we walked.

"I think Mother brings out his softer side," I mused.

The corner of L's lip quirked upwards. "Are you a different person around me?"

"Yes," Ryuk interrupted. "He's mean, he's selfish and he's downright rude."

"Only to you," I shot back.

"What if I put your name down in my Death Note, huh?" the shinigami threatened. "You should respect me, Light. I'm the one who gave you that Death Note of yours, if you haven't noticed."  
"For your information, you simply dropped it and I picked it up. You didn't care who picked it up."  
"He's right though, Light," L told me, squeezing my hand. "You should respect him. He _is _a shinigami." His phone began to ring, and he answered it. "Matsuda? What is it...? That is very unfortunate...Well, you already have your things at my house, don't you? You can stay longer until it's fixed...No, it's not a problem at all, Matsuda...You're a very good cook...Yes...Fine. Goodbye." He hung up and put the phone back in his pocket. "Matsuda's apartment has been set on fire by someone. They graffitied messages supporting Kira nearby. He was likely targeted because of his links to the Kira case. How they found him, that is something I'll have to investigate..."

"So he'll still be staying with us?" I asked. L nodded, bringing his thumb to his lips, eyes glazing over in serious thought. "Poor Matsuda." I was a little annoyed that L and I wouldn't be alone as I had been looking forward to, but I felt terrible for what had happened to Matsuda. With the Death Note, I could get revenge. Just because Matsuda believed in something, his property had been attacked. That was not what Kira believed in.

"Have fun," L murmured against my lips, his arms tight around my waist, my hands locked behind his neck as we stood in the doorway.  
"How can I have fun without you?" I asked, sticking out my bottom lip. He smiled at my pout and gently nipped at my lip with his teeth. I moaned playfully and kissed his cheek. "When I get home, I'm going to give you _the _hottest blow-"  
"You're going to be late, you know. Do you have spare money for lunch?" he asked, cutting me off, grinning broadly, patting my hair into place.

"Matsu made me a bento, _mother,_" I grimaced. "I'm starting to feel left out. You both act like such a married couple, and I'm the child. Ryuk can be the mangy dog. I'm so glad he's so attatched to you, he gets so frustrating sometimes."

"I find his company quite pleasant," L smiled, kissing the edge of my jaw, before breathing in my ear. "Now, go have fun without me." He tore my arms from around his neck and slapped my bottom playfully, sending me off on my way.

I bent over mischieviously, pretending to tie my shoelace, giving him a good look at my rear. He laughed and blew me a kiss. "Study hard," he grinned. I began my walk to school, on each step my desire to run back to the house and kiss L growing. What a lovesick teen I was.

I had to admit, that Ryuk could be tolerable as company, but I found his playing tricks on Matsuda annoying. L found it hilarious. As Matsuda couldn't see or hear Ryuk, Ryuk would move things around the kitchen, which Matsuda had claimed as his domain. When Matsuda would put something down and turn around to reach for something else, Ryuk would move it. Matsuda would have no idea how his wooden spoon would end up on top of the fridge when he'd just placed it by the sink. It wouldn't be long until he would start thinking that there were ghosts around. L found nothing more amusing than when Ryuk would follow Matsuda around, mimicking him, insulting him every time he opened his mouth and would dance and pull stupid faces right in front of Matsuda. L enjoyed how oblivious Matsuda was to such behaviour from the invisible shinigami.

It felt like forever since I had walked to school, had seen all my friends. How amazing. Of course, I didn't have any particular close friends, just a general group I enjoyed spending time with.  
"Hey, Light! I haven't seen you at all over the holidays!" someone called. I turned to see my friend Chikayo Karasuma, who had been my tennis partner in junior high. "How have you been?"

"Great," I smiled, waiting for him to catch up. "What about you? It's been some time."  
"You know, same old," he grinned, scruffing his dark brown hair. "Working at the bakery as usual. I haven't seen you down at the tennis courts. You usually go there during the holidays don't you?"  
"Yeah...uh...I've been studying all holidays...and visiting family."

"Hey, this isn't your usual route to school. Don't you usually meet up with me on the next street?"  
"Uh, yeah, I moved."  
"Really? Wow. I had no idea," Chikayo said, surprised. I gave him a friendly, apologetic smile.  
"Yeah, I moved out of home."

"Oh, wow! Don't tell me you got kicked out of home! Light Yagami, the golden boy?"

"Nah, I um...met someone."

"Wow. She has a place of her own? Is she older than you?"

"Something like that," I mumbled, quickly changing the subject. I found myself making up the same lies all day to people I hadn't seen in a long time. I had been visiting over the holidays, had been studying constantly, which was why I'd been out of contact. Chikayo was too involved in catching up with people that he didn't mention that I'd moved out, to my relief. He could be a bit of a chatterbox sometimes.

In History, waiting for the class to begin, I found someone tugging on my collar, pressing their rather curvy front to my back. How long had it been since Mitsu Minase had tried to flirt with me? "Light, I need your help. My text book and this sheet has two different dates on it. Which is the right one?" she asked, pouting. I gave her a polite smile and turned to help her, her fingers still hooked around my collar, when she gave a loud giggle. "Wow, Light. Who gave you _that_?"

"Gave me what?" I asked, worried. She pointed to a dark love mark on my neck, which had been covered by my collar. Mitsu's loud giggle had attracted the attention of others.  
"What is it, Mitsu?" someone asked.  
"He's got a love bite," Mitsu laughed, resting her chin on her palm, eyes sparkling with amusement. "Wow, I thought you were a total prude, Light. That's kinky."

I tried to cover my neck with my hand, but others crowded around, trying to see. Sexually deprived idiots. I gave an awkward laugh.

"It's just a bruise, Mitsu. I got hit with a tennis ball."  
"No way, I know a love bite when I see one," she grinned. "And you have got one bad!"

Stupid L. He was always littering my neck with them. "It's just a bruise, I swear," I told her, shaking my head.

"Light's moved in with someone," Chikayo interjected, grinning broadly. "He looked pretty tired this morning, like he'd been up all night _doing_ _something_."

"Light's moved in with someone?" Rumiko Watanabe squealed. Oh great. Now the whole school was going to know, now that she did. "Who is it? Do we know her? Does she live on her own with you?"

"Come on, everyone, it's none of our business," Mitsu smiled, waving her hands to shoo everyone away. She gave me a searching look. "So, Light, is she pretty?"

"It's none of anyone's business," I frowned, face bright scarlet as I pulled my collar up as far as I could over my neck and turned back to my books, praying the lesson would start.

"Whoo, go Light," a guy cheered. "He's been getting it on over the holidays, no wonder why no one's heard from him."

"Come on, Light. Who is she?" Rumiko begged. I shook my head, keeping my lips tight together. There was no way I was going to admit to anything.

"You look stressed, Light. Did you have fun at school?" L asked, waiting for me in the garden, sipping tea. I ripped off my tie and flopped onto my back in the grass. "You shouldn't do that, Light. You'll get grass stains on your shirt."

"Since when do you care about the appearances of clothes?" I asked, looking up at him and giving him a grin. I finally began to relax. "I'm so glad this place has so much security."

"Why is that?"  
"Because my whole grade has been trying to follow me home. They think I've moved in with some rich, beautiful woman."

"Oh," L said, forehead furrowing, eyes hardening over so I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I reached for his hand and kissed his knuckles.

"I didn't say anything. They all jumped to those conclusions. But what could I say? I can't reveal I'm with L, the world's greatest detective. And it's too soon to tell everyone that I'm...you know..."  
"Gay?" he supplied quietly. He put down his tea and ran his fingers through my hair. "You're right, it's foolish to talk about your relationship with such a famous individual, and it is completely your choice as to whether you want to tell people about your sexuality, Light."  
"You're upset."  
"Mmn. I expected this, but I wasn't aware of how painful it would be to admit," he told me, giving me a tiny smile.

"Where's Ryuk?" I asked, changing the subject. He pointed to the tree where the shinigami lay in its branches, dropping apples into his mouth. L brought his tea to his lips to conceal a larger smile.  
"He's choked on about six apples today. You're right, he does tend to forget about the fact he has teeth."

"Why don't we go inside for a lie-down?" I suggested, taking his hand and kissing his fingertips. "I did promise you..."

"Hmmn, your offer is hard to resist, but how about later, when we're in bed? Right now, I just want to spend some time with you, doing nothing." He put his tea down and settled himself so that he lay beside me. "Why don't you tell me about your day at school? What subjects did you have? Did you enjoy your bento?" I answered all of his pointless questions, which ranged from what teachers taught what subjects, and what colours the walls were.

This became our daily afternoon ritual for the week. I would come home, and over tea and chess, we would talk about our days. There was no breakthroughs with the new Kira, other than some small differences between who we chose to kill, but it was little to go on. It wasn't until the end of the week that the second Kira made their move.

L had been urging me to spend time with my friends, so one afternoon, Chikayo and some other friends and I had arranged to see a movie. We stood, waiting for the traffic signs to change, when something strange came onto the screen mounted to one of the buildings. A plain white provided the background, with the name 'Kira' in black font. I stared, listening to the warped, computerised voice of the new Kira.

"...proof of my powers, you should now have no trouble believing that I am Kira. People of the world, please listen to me. The last thing I want to do is kill the innocent. I hate evil, I _love_ justice. I've always thought of the police as allies, not as enemies. I intend to create a new world, a world that is free from evil. If you agree to join me in my mission, I know we can make it happen. And as long as no one tries to catch me, I promise that the innocent will not die. Even if you don't agree with me, all I ask is that you not publicise your opinions to the media. If you can do that, you will be spared. All you have to do now, is be patient. I will create a better world that we can all enjoy. Say goodbye to the world as you know it. Soon we'll have a new world, ruled by benevolence and inhabited by kind-hearted, honest people. Try to imagine it, a world where the police and I will..."

"What's happening?" I asked a bystander, pointing to the screen. He turned frightened eyes to me.

"The Sakura television station is being held hostage. Kira killed people to prove that it's actually him. He killed two people, live on television! He's really out there, isn't he?"

I turned to Chikayo, pulling out my phone. "Chikayo, I have to go. Some other time, okay?"

"Uh, sure," he said distractedly, eyes locked on the screen. I began to run home, dialling L's number.

"Pick up, pick up," I begged. His phone was busy. "Argh," I cried, shoving it back in my pocket. No doubt he already knew about it...he had to. When I got home, I was exhausted, and I crunched in the security numbers. "L!" I shouted, running inside. "L!" There was only silence. "Matsuda?" I called, hesitant, running upstairs. I banged my fist on the steel door of the security console room. "Matsuda? L? Anyone? Hello!" No response. I pressed my ear, hoping I would hear something, even if the walls were soundproofed. Surely I'd hear the hum of the computers, someone's frantic voice as they dealt with the situation? I kicked the door in frustration and ran out into the garden. "Ryuk! Ryuk, are you here? Ryuk, where are you?" He was nowhere to be seen. It didn't surprise me that he went with L to taskforce headquarters. L had also taken every security measure and had hidden the Death Note in a safe somewhere in the house. Even if I found the safe, by some miracle, there was no way I'd be able to open it. But even then, what would I do with it? I had to slow down. Had to think calmly. Had to think rationally.  
I sat crosslegged in the grass and closed my eyes, taking deep breaths.  
Okay, think.

What's happened?  
There's a new Kira. He's sent out a message to the world, asking the police to cooperate. He's killed two people on live television to prove his point. Cowardly...No. I had to continue.

What can I do?  
Wait for L. He's most likely at taskforce headquarters and dealing with it all now. He can use the television station to try and find a lead on the case. That's one step closer to Kira. I can only make myself useful by waiting for L and offering to help in any way I can.

What would L do? What would _I _do, in his place?

He'd stop the broadcast. As would I.

Would I do that because I'm Kira, or for L?  
Both. I've given up being Kira, and also, as Kira, this is taking the world hostage. I would never create such a pathetic broadcast. And such petty tactics. This is not how I would opperate...

I yawned and stretched. I reached for L, but found only his absence. "L?" He hadn't come home last night. Neither had Matsuda. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, before getting into the shower. Saturday...No school. I'd stay here and wait for L. I hoped he was okay. I had seen on the news last night how the police had interferred at the Sakura television station in an attempt to defy Kira. And one of the detectives on the Kira case had been killed right outside of the station. This proved that the new Kira had made the deal with their shinigami. They now had the shinigami eyes, making them a more powerful killer than myself. No. More powerful than I used to be. I was no longer Kira. I had to stop thinking like that.  
I dried myself off when my cell phone rang. I dived for it on the bed, and answered. "L?"

"Yes, it's me," L said into the phone, sounding very alert. "I want you to come down to taskforce headquarters and reveiw some tapes I have from Kira. You're aware of the situation?"  
"Yeah, I saw it being broadcast, and I've been watching the news constantly."  
"Well, I hope you got some sleep. I need your deductive reasoning skills to be as sharp as possible. Taskforce headquarters is located in a hotel for now, while we're waiting for a more permanant place to be built. I'm sending your father to pick you up as soon as possible and he'll take you straight here."

"Okay. And L?"  
"Yes, Light?"  
"Have you talked to Ryuk about this?"  
"Yes. We've had a long discussion about the eye deal. I'm aware of that fact."  
"Just...be careful, okay?"

"Stay inside, Light. Wait for your fathter to pick you up," he told me seriously. I nodded, despite the fact he wasn't able to see me do it.  
"Alright. I'll see you soon," I said, hanging up.

"I'd like you to examine these videos. They were sent to the tv station, but were never aired," L told me, guiding me to a large armchair before a large television. Ryuk stood behind the chair, and I ignored him just as L was doing. "For security reasons, you're not permitted to take notes and all materials must remain here."  
"I understand," I nodded, looking up at him.

"We'll begin now," he declared, pressing a remote. The tape began to play. I listened closely, to every word. It was so mediocre, it was making me sick. It was a disgrace to everything that I stood for. That Kira stood for.

No. I wasn't Kira anymore. I had to stop thinking like this. It wasn't going to help L at all.  
It was strange how the other detectives hovered closely, watching me. No one had even bothered to explain it to me. L stepped forward.  
"So, what do you think, Light?" he asked.

What did I say? He obviously wanted me to make some deduction from it. Did I reveal that there was a second Kira? I would have to. It was possible to come to such a conclusion without having the certain knowlege that L and I had.

"It's hard to say for sure, but it's possible that there could be another person with Kira's power," I said, standing up.

"With Kira's power? What do you mean by that, Light?" Father asked, face intense. I gave reasons, as to the fact that this new Kira only needed a face to kill, whereas the first required a face as well as a name. L nodded and explained that he had come to the exact same conclusion.

Things went by in a blur as L began forming a new plan. "We'll lure this new Kira into a trap. We'll make our own broadcast, pretending to be the real Kira, and Light...I want _you _to play the part of the real Kira."

"Huh? Are you sure?" I asked, uncertain. What was he doing? "Me? As Kira?"

"Yes, you're the only one I can think of who could pull this off," he replied. He formulated a plan in which I would script a response from the fake Kira to the second Kira. I felt uncomfortable doing so, not because it made me feel vulnerable to suspicion from the other detectives, but because it was too easy to slip back into thinking like Kira. I had sworn to give up Kira, and it was only too easy to pick it back up again.

It wasn't too long after my message had been broadcast, that the second Kira replied. The imposter mentioned showing our shinigami's to one another. What a fool. I glanced at L, who had kept his expressions carefully concealed until I lay in his arms late that night.

We would continue to act as part of the Kira investigation team, determined to smoke this new Kira out and deal with them using my Death Note. I smiled up at him, nestled in the crook of his arm, tracing patterns on his chest with my fingertips.

"What are you smiling about?" he asked, stroking my hair.

"I'm just thinking about how prepared you are to protect me. You'd use the Death Note to keep me safe."  
"Protecting you, keeping you with me...seems like a very valid reason to use such an evil tool," L murmured, kissing the top of my head. "I predict that it won't be very long until the second Kira gets impatient and tries to arrange for a meeting. We, of course, acting together as the first Kira, will do nothing. As soon as we have a name and a face, we'll destroy this new Kira."

Just as L predicted, it wasn't long until the new Kira had sent along a new video and a journal entry. My Father picked me up on the way home from school and drove me to headquarters, where L was reveiwing the new materials. I was given the journal entry, and I studied it closely.

"Please look at the entry he made on the thirtieth," L said, not looking at me.

I read aloud. "Confirmed our shinigami at the Tokyo Dome." Did the second Kira want to meet there on the thirtieth? No. It was far too obvious. One date caught my eye.

_ friend and I showed off our notebooks in Aoyama._

So that was where and when. There was no mistaking it. It had to mean the Death Note. L popped a chocolate into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully, before forging a plan. Matsuda and I would go to Aoyama and Shibuya together, to investigate.

It was late when Matusuda, L and I got home. Matsuda made himself a sandwhich before climbing the stairs to bed, leaving the bottom floor for L and I. L sat in bed, on his laptop, while I scoffed some ramen in a cup, pacing.

"It's obvious he wants us to meet in Aoyama," I mused aloud. "We can't take that message about the Tokyo Dome seriously at all. It's just a stupid decoy for the investigation team."  
"I think I've found a location that the second Kira wants you to meet," L said, turning the laptop so I could see a picture of a fancy club. "On the twenty-second, there's a large event at the Note Blue. It seems like a very obvious place to meet, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I suppose," I frowned, a bit of noodle hanging from the corner of my mouth. L smiled. His hand shot out around my neck, pulling me closer, bringing his lips to mine, where his tongue took the loose end of the ramen. He bit it off and drew me into a lingering kiss, before turning back to his laptop. I gazed at him, frozen, heart racing.

"You should invite a group of your friends with you and Matsuda. Take Ryuk with you, just in case he gives a sign that he's seen another shinigami, or if another shinigami decides to talk to him. This new Kira won't know who Ryuk is following if you all stick together in a group."

"You're right. But if I take Ryuk with me, the chances of Kira finding me increase."  
"It's a risk we're going to take. Going in a group will lower that percentage. Taking Ryuk with you will increase your percentage of finding this new Kira. And I really can't see any other way of doing this. I want you safe, Light. Believe me."  
"I believe you," I nodded, putting my ramen on the bedside table. I took his laptop and put it on the floor, smiling as he looked at me in confusion. I crawled onto the bed, straddling him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "L...do you know..." I murmured, brushing my lips against his teasingly. "...Gods of Death..." I licked his upper lip. "...Love apples?" I reached under the pillow and produced the red fruit and bit into it, letting it hang there between my teeth.

L moaned softly and let his own teeth sink into it, his hands quickly unfastening half the buttons of my crisp shirt. He fell back onto the bed, pulling me with him, his right hand entwining with the fingers of my left, his other hand sliding into my half-unbuttoned shirt and beginning to rub my right nipple. "Ah...hah..." I moaned against the apple, my saliva dripping from my lips.

"Hey, I'm hungry," Ryuk complained, floating through the wall. "There's no ripe apples on the-" He stopped and stared for a moment. "Never mind," he said quickly, retreating. L and I chuckled against the apple, and I took a proper bite out of it, chewing and swallowing, before holding it steady so L could take a bite.

"Poor Ryuk," L smiled, kissing the corner of my mouth. I put the apple on the dresser and leaned back against his knees.  
"Do you think he still wants it?" I asked with amusement, imagining Ryuk's reaction to being offered the fruit.

"I have this strange feeling that he wouldn't," L replied wryly, trying to brush his hair out of his eyes with his shoulder. I brushed it back for him, and kissed his beautiful lips. "...Light..." he sighed, practically glowing with love. I smiled, blushing as he gazed up at me in awe, seeing something in me that I couldn't. He reached up to touch my lips, before running his fingers down my chest and along my belly, his touch beginning to send hot blood flooding between my legs. I quivered under his ebony watch, his eyes so filled with wonder.

"What is it?" I asked, cheeks still warm.  
"You are...so beautiful, Light," he murmured seriously, eyes wide. He caressed my cheek softly, as if it were made of the most delicate of glass, and touched my hair as carefully, as if it would shatter.

"I _am _real, you know," I said nervously, only half-joking. He shook his head, and beckoned me into a kiss.  
"No...You're too perfect to be real, Light. I am always so frightened I'll lose you. That this will just be a dream. That you are made of stars and will disperse into the universe where I can only gaze at you from a distance on earth and only at night when your glow isn't hidden by the golden glow of the sun." He brushed my hair with his fingers. "In my mind, Kira is like the sun in that respect. You hide behind such a mask."

"They say that someday, the sun will explode. All that will be left will be the stars, like me. But you, you are the moon, L," I murmured, kissing his eyelids. "You shine and light up my night."

"The moon does not generate light. Instead, it reflects the light from the stars and the sun. I reflect you, Light. I shine because of you, my love." He kissed my fingertips gently. "I will always love you, Light. For eternity."

"Eternity means for all time. Time will never exist for us, L. I'll love you even after time ends," I breathed, kissing his chest where his heart was. Oh, how I loved him! I smiled down at him, reflected the love that he shone up at me.  
_"At this Adonis smiles as in disdain,_

_That in each cheek appears a pretty dimple:_

_Love made those hollows, if himself were slain,_

_He might be buried in a tomb so simple;_

_Foreknowing well, if there he came to lie,_

_Why, there Love lived and there he could not die," _L recited, cupping my cheeks, his thumbs curving into where dimples must have appeared. He smiled and sat up, me still in his lap, as he drew me into a kiss that had no clear sign of where one kiss ended and another began. Finally, he rested his forehead against my own, our breaths mixing.

"What poem was that?" I asked, looking into his jet dark, glimmering eyes.

"Venus and Adonis, by William Shakespeare," he answered with a smile, tracing my bottom lip with his thumb. "Are you not familiar with it? It's one of my favourites."

"I didn't know you liked Shakespeare."

"I didn't know that when you smiled like that, you had dimples."

"I don't," I protested, covering my cheeks with his hands, hiding them from his view. He laughed, a clear, joyous sound before his lips embraced my own. "I love you," I moaned, as he stole my breath away. He gently pushed my shirt from my shoulders, letting them gather at my elbows, as he kissed my arm, my chest, my neck, fingers of his left hand curling in my hair, his other tracing my ribs, coming to rest on my hip. I shivered, trembled under his deft fingers and soft lips, my breathing quickened. He sucked on my bottom lip lightly, nipped at it and kissed my chin, moving down along my throat and bestowing a kiss in the hollow beneath it. His fingers traced along my collarbone, stroked my thigh and brushed my nipples, touching every sensitive part of me. Either every little bit of me was sensitive to his touch, or he knew me inside out. I kissed his own neck, his own jaw, his temple. My hands lifted up his plain white long sleeved shirt so my tongue could reaquaint itself with his nipples. I tossed his shirt to the floor, becoming dizzy as he rearranged us so I lay against the bed, my head on a pillow, his face buried into my neck, lying atop me. His thigh rested so tantalisingly between my legs, bestowing an amount of pressure in just the right spot that zapped lightning to my core.

Oh, come ON! Did you really think I was going to leave you without another DUN DUN DUN!!! (insert drum roll) _AUTHORS NOTE!!? _ (----- That bit is supposed to be said in a really high pitched male voice ;P )

So, what do y'all think? Chapter three was a lot longer than Chapter one, which I hope you all appreciate, seeing as it's been a while since I've been able to update. So, you can pretty much all guess that during the holidays, I have NO LIFE! I just sit around in my van, typing up lemons for all you citrus lovers and Death Nerds like myself. It doesn't help that the nearest town is an hour and a half away, so there's no way I can do anything else. ^^ I bet you're all loving it, though ^^ You'll all be like "Haha, poor her. Lucky, that she has no life, so now she can spend all her time into writing this for us!" And how do you kill that which as no life? Well, only an internet connection that's been stuffing up. *sobs, wails and hits the floor with tiny fists* Hey, does anyone remember my MySpace password? Only, MySpace and Facebook are just like my Maths teacher calls it. MyFace. I don't know how to use EITHER of them! So, I'll refer to them as MyFace. So, does anyone know my MyFace password? (Or like HE said "Has anyone seen MyFace? Has anyone been on MyFace?" You sad sad little man, Mr Gaylove. He has a creepy obsession with animals ^^ Sheep and cats in particular!)

Oh yeah, back to Death Note. RIGHT. So, I have some DUN DUN DUN....(drum roll and a really really high pitched male voice (like Light being squeezed in the McNuggets by L)...hehehe, I used brackets within brackets...) AUTHOR QUESTIONS!!!

1. Did any of you find chapter three boring? I'm really scared it is!!

2. Is it too sappy?

3. Hehehe, like how I'm tying in Misa? There's ACTUAL DIALOGUE from the animu! (yes, Animu, for those that attended the Brisbane Supanova!! That's An.)

4. Does anyone other than myself like Shakespeare? Was it appropriate to add to this chapter? Let me know. I don't want to bore you's all to death by adding more.

5. WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS FIRST LEMON!? I just couldn't make it long enough! But I'm really proud of it. *tiny voice* Please don't burn me if it sucks. Just let me down gently.

6. Yes, a lot of Light's theories about heaven and hell are MY actual theories. Heaven and Hell would suck without L! Heh. That rhymes. Say it out loud. I dare ya. (You just did it, didn't you?)

7. Raise your hand if you like Brian Kinney? (I just wanna know, coz I do!)

8 1/2. Am I the only one that thinks the "telling the family" was a little downplayed? Not angsty enough? It just sort of flopped and I couldn't pick it up without making it too unreal and obscene.

8. Anyone think that Chief Yagami is going to punch L out eventually? He might've, if his wife hadn't been around...It's just an entertaining idea...

9. I had this really strange dream last night. It was like Tomorrow When The War Began by John Marsden (read it, it's really good. Though, only an Aussie would really appreciate it. I had to read it for school. I'm glad I did.) Anyway, I just wanted to tell you.

10. I hope you don't get the impression that it's gonna happen, because it's not. Ryuk and L aren't gonna get together. It just sounded to me like they were getting too close. But I hope you like how Ryuk plays tricks on Matsuda. Couldn't resist. Anyone else had fun imagining that?

11. Any problems with my writing? I can only improve if you tell me where I'm going wrong!!

12. Wow. Anyone else notice I've got twelve questions lined up?

13. Will Light turn back into Kira? O.o It's starting to look like it, isn't it?

AND NOW FOR QUESTION 14. Answer this one if you can't be bothered answering the others.

14. What is your favourite scene out of the whole story so far?

Well, may the FUNK be with you always. Over 'n' out.

Oh wait! Sorry, but I can't review as often as I have been, because the holidays are over. . Oh the noes! So I'll be busy. Doing nothing. Wishing I could be writing this for you. But don't worry, I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP! I'm enjoying this. Okay, I admit it, I'm just doing it for the reviews!! ^^ Raise your hand if you like my author notes! Too bad. I like writing them, so you're getting them anyway!!

G'bye!!


	4. Chapter 4

"Light..." he breathed heavily in my ear. "...Will you promise me something?"

"Anything," I moaned against his questing lips, my fingers tight in his hair. He smiled against my lips and brought them back to my ear. "...Promise that you won't tell anyone that my real name is L Lawliet."

My eyes widened.

My lips parted in surprise.

"L...Lawliet?" I tried the name out on my tongue. "Lawliet. L Lawliet..."

L kissed my cheek and gazed into my eyes, love making him practically glow. "That's my real name, Light. L Lawliet."

"It's..." I struggled for words. His expression became that of worried doubt. I kissed his lips to reassure him. "It's the most beautiful name in the world. I love you, L Lawliet."

"It sounds so good, the way you say it," he said, his voice twisted into a passionate moan. He pulled me into a kiss, one that threatened would never end.

***

My trip to Aoyama revealed...nothing. Not a single sign of anyone carrying any form of notebook, and Ryuk didn't appear to make any contact with a shinigami. Were L and I wrong? The new Kira sent a message to the Sakura Television Station, saying that they had come into contact with the original Kira. That had to be impossible. I had never seen anyone. How could they have found me? Everyday, the stress built up. We had to come up with a plan.

L presented the idea to taskforce, how they would send out a message to the public, informing them not to approach Kira or support him. Hopefully, it would provoke the new Kira into acting, make them seek me out further. I didn't see how it would help, but I agreed, acting as an unofficial member of the taskforce.

The night of the broadcast, I lay in L's arms on our bed, full from another excellent meal from Matsuda, though it had been questionable whether it would be edible as lately Ryuk had gotten into a habit of adding extra ingredients when Matsuda's back was turned. These extra ingredients ranged from shinigami spit, to chewed up apples and handfulls of dirt. Matsuda had no idea how it has happening when L and I were in the garden, so he never made any comment as to how a boot ended up sitting on top of his freshly made pasta or how a large portion of his apple pie had gone missing. Well, not just half the pie, but half the tin as well. As if some supernatural monster had just taken a large bite out of it.  
I really couldn't bring myself to reprimand Ryuk, especially when it made L laugh so much. No doubt Matsuda was going to snap one day. I didn't get how he could tolerate so much of this. L often gave Ryuk ideas for new antics, such as dropping water balloons on top of Matsuda in places where there was no possible way for water balloons to even fall, such as driving in the car, or in the middle of a street where there were no overhanging trees or buildings within accurate throwing distance. Mostly he just dropped them in the middle of a room. And then there was the pile of rocks in Matsuda's bed and the eggs in his shoes. But even I had to admit, it was funny when Ryuk would ring the doorbell, and Matsuda would go to answer it, but there would be no one there to his eyes. Ryuk would ring the doorbell again just as Matsuda had turned his back. I was just mostly glad that Ryuk never played tricks on me, as he was completely visible to me.

"Light," Matsuda called, knocking on our bedroom door. "There's someone here to see you."

"Who is it?" I asked, sitting up and pulling reluctantly out of L's arms. Probably Father.

"I don't know. She says she's from your school and you left your notebook behind."

"Oh. Thanks, Matsu." I stared at L. "L..."

"Kira?" he murmured, his large eyes reflecting my alarm.

I numbly headed out, and walked to the front door, where a young woman was waiting on the front step, looking out at the road. L padded behind me, as if he would defend me from this supernatural force.

"Can I help you?" I asked, trying to force the nervousness from my voice. The blonde girl turned, brown eyes sparkling with happiness as her eyes drank in the sight of my face. She glanced at L behind me and then turned back to me nervously.  
"Is it possible to speak to you, and you alone, Light Yagami?" she asked, her fingers wringing the strap of her bag nervously.

"Whatever you would like to say to Light, is perfectly acceptable to say to me," L said firmly, placing a comforting hand upon my shoulder. "But if you're going to say anything at all, it had best be in our yard, where there are no cameras or microphones."

"Oh, okay," she agreed, letting us lead her into the house and to the back garden. Matsuda was no where to be seen, but could be heard, his singing somewhat muffled as it drifted from the upstairs shower. Ryuk was floating around in the yard, probably trying to think of what stunt to pull on Matsuda next, when he saw us enter. His eyes left the girl, and shifted to something behind her. So, her shinigami was here, too.

"I'm really not sure about talking to you," the girl admitted, looking at a point just above L's head. L took a step in front of me, as if to shield me from her gaze.

"Why is that?" he asked. "Can you see my name? If you can, then you know that it is L. The only person you are aware of being L is the detective who is currently leading the investigation on the Kira case. Yes. I am that L."

Her cheeks flushed and her eyes turned to mine. "But how can this be? You...you're...and he's..."

"Light and I have come to a special arrangement," L said, holding out his hand. "I believe you had a notebook for us. And I would like very much to see your shinigami."

"Oh, right," she said, quickly fumbling on the clasps of her bag, before pulling out a familiar looking black notebook. Instead of the familiar lettering on the cover, there were strange white symbols. L let his fingers brush the Death Note, and nodded at me to also touch it. A white spectre appeared before my eyes, standing behind the blonde girl who was now affirmed to be the second Kira.

"This is my shinigami, Rem. And I'm Misa Amane. I'm pleased to meet you both," she said, giving a little bow. "May I see your shinigami? It's Ryuk, right?"

Damn it! The only way she could know that was if her shinigami had told her. If her shinigami was willing to tell her such things, then they were probably close. Misa was definately more powerful than I had ever been. L reached into his pocket and retrieved a small square scrap of paper and let her touch it before putting it back in his pocket.

"Hi," Ryuk said, giving Misa a small wave. She beamed at him.

"How did you find us?" I asked, making her jump. She turned back to me.  
"I saw you in Aoyama. I knew it was you, because when someone has a Death Note, the time of their death doesn't show," she explained. "Isn't that right, Rem?" Rem nodded, her cat-like eyes locked upon me, as if trying to search my inner thoughts.

"Wow, even I didn't know that," Ryuk exclaimed, surprised. I gritted my teeth.  
"If you went to Aoyama, then you were caught on camera, just like I was. If anyone on the taskforce realises that you and I both were in Aoyama that day, if they see us meeting like this..." I trailed off, angry. L took my hand, as a silent gesture for me to calm down. That everything would be okay.

"But no one would recognise me from that day," Misa told us, pulling out photos from her bag. "These are pictures of me the day I went to Aoyama."

They showed a school girl with short dark hair and glasses. There was no way anyone would recognise her. I wanted to shout that it didn't matter, to vent my frustration. I didn't like this. I didn't like this Kira being here. Able to find us. Invading the home, the sanctuary that L and I shared. I don't think I had ever wanted to kill someone using the Death Note so much in my life. I took a deep breath. Yes. As soon as she was gone, L would kill her. She wouldn't be a problem anymore. And his place after death would be sealed. He would be with me.

"I don't think anyone would recognise her," Ryuk mused, looking at the photos, looking over my shoulder.

"It doesn't matter. Because if I listen to what you say, I'll never get caught," Misa said, her eyes large and compelling. I wanted to vomit, my guts twisting with forboding. She held out her Death Note to L. "Take it. Kill me if you want. If you've both been acting as Kira, I'll serve both of you. I've wanted nothing more."

"Kill you? You're a liability, you'd be better off dead," I said, fighting off hysteria. Rem stepped forward, her wings flaring up, teeth baring in a snarl. She pointed a long, white bony finger at me.

"If you dare kill Misa, I'll _kill _you, Light Yagami," Rem said, her voice deep and chilling. Ryuk didn't scare me as much as Rem did.  
"Rem, please," Misa said, turning around and putting her arms around the shinigami's neck. Needless to say Ryuk and I gawked at this display of pathetic affection. Ryuk and I glanced at one another but hurriedly looked away, wrinkling our noses. We would never engage in such a thing. "Rem, I want to serve Light. I want to thank him, my own way, by doing as he says."

"Thank me?" I asked. Misa nodded and turned to me, beginning to tell me the tale of how she had come home one day and found her parents had been murdered. Her family's murderer had gotten off free, and one day, when she had lost all hope for justice, I, acting as Kira, had gotten her revenge by killing the murderer. She wanted to thank me...by serving me.

"Miss Amane, this is a lot for Light and I to process in one night," L said, somewhat gently. "We would appreciate if you gave us some time to discuss how we're going to handle the situation. Task force is aware there are two Kira's and I am the head of that investigation. I hope you can understand what a delicate situation I'm in."  
"Are you protecting him...because...you're with him?" Misa asked shyly, indicating that L still held my hand. I held L's hand tighter, pulling him a little closer, posessively. L nodded carefully.

"Yes. Light and I are...together." He gave me a warm smile. I nodded furiously. Misa flushed and looked down at her hands, where she still held her Death Note.  
"That's funny. I mean, I didn't expect that..."  
"You seem to have made some preconceptions," L noted. "You had planned out a future in which you would spend with Light? That is only a natural thing. Light is quite handsome, and he is also someone whom you admire. But you didn't forsee a force like myself standing in the way." He smiled kindly. "I hope you don't kill me over this."

"If L dies before I do, I'll blame you," I snarled at Misa. I glared at Rem. "If L dies, then I'll kill Misa. If L is dead, then you may as well kill me before I get my hands around Misa's neck. I'll kill her with my bare hands."

"We have ourselves something of a deal," the pale shinigami said, placing her hand upon Misa's shoulder. "Misa, we should go."  
"But Rem..." Misa protested.

"Rem is right. You shouldn't be with me, or with Light. That is incriminating enough," L said, his hand tightening around my own. "If you could leave me with a phone number, I would be happy to contact you when Light and I have had some time to discuss how we're going to deal with this."  
"Um...excuse me, L...but what is there to discuss?" Misa asked. L pulled a lollipop from his pocket and began to unwrap it.  
"Many things. Whether we can dispose of Rem in order to dispose of you. Whether we can trust you. If we do trust you, what role can you play? What measures must we take to ensure your safety and our own?" He offered Misa the lollipop. "I hope you do understand, but Light's safety is more important to me than anything else. He comes first."

"That's...understandable," Misa nodded, taking the lollipop, looking somewhat disappointed.  
"Can you show yourselves out?" L asked, producing a lollipop of his own. Without another word he began to lead me inside and to our bedroom. I watched him, my heart pounding from the encounter, as he began to undress me.

"What are we going to do, L?" I asked, as he ushered me into bed, pulling the covers over me. He kissed my forehead, his breath smelling of the watermelon flavoured lollipop. His eyes regarded my own.  
"We're not going to do anything. Not tonight. You're very stressed."  
"I'm calm," I lied, my heart still thumping, my palms clammy. I didn't want to lose him.

"Light, you need some rest. That is more important than anything else right now."  
"I don't need rest. How can I sleep if my mind is going to be churning around all the options? We should talk about this now, while everything is still fresh in our minds-"  
"Light, I have a flawless memory," he smiled. "Everything is locked in my mind." He tapped his temple. I was unconvinced. He kissed my eyelids and ran his tongue along my bottom lip. "Stay here. I'm going to make you some calming tea, and after that, we'll talk about it."  
I frowned as he got up and left, returning some long minutes later with the hot beverage.  
"How much sugar is in it?" I asked, thinking that it was odd that L would give in to me so easily. He gave me the drink and climbed fully clothed into the bed beside me.  
"Drink, and then we'll talk," he repeated, stroking my hair. I did as he said, draining the cup, enjoying the flavour and letting myself relax. As I did, I could feel my muscles loosening, felt my exhaustion sink through me. I looked at L expectantly, stiffling a yawn.  
"How are you feeling?" he asked, innocently. Too innocently. So, _that _was why he had told me we would talk about it, had given in to me. He had laced the tea with sleeping pills again. Why hadn't I seen this coming?  
I settled back on the pillows, grumbling incoherently. L smiled and kissed my forehead. "You're not thinking straight, Light. You need some sleep, and I'll think this over during the night. I do all my best thinking when I'm watching you sleep."  
"You shouldn't...drug...want...sleep," I mumbled, my eyes heavy. He kissed my lips, but I was too exhausted to deepen it. Not that he deserved it. How many pills had he slipped into my tea? I didn't want to admit it, but he was right. I was not in any rational mood. I would think better after some sleep, letting my subconcious register the new information. If I couldn't even predict that he was going to spike my drink, then I was not in any frame of mind to formulate any kind of plan.  
L kissed my chin and continued to stroke my hair until I fell into my drugged sleep.

_"L! L, where are you?" I called, trying to swallow down the panic that threatened to consume me. I couldn't see anything, I had to sheild my eyes from the glare, and I knew that it was night, so there should not have been any light at all. I stumbled forwards, hoping I wouldn't run into anything. I had to find L. _

_Things grasped at my ankles, slowing me down. I had to find L. I couldn't keep him waiting, he wouldn't wait for me forever. I couldn't be late. I had to keep running. But where was he? I couldn't see him! I couldn't see anything. It was too bright. _

_"L!" I shouted, fighting back tears. It was unlike me to be this weak. Why did my voice shake? Why did I have to cry, like some stupid child? I was Kira. I had to be strong. I wiped my eyes and looked out at the world. I stood on top of a building, looking down at the city. My clothes floated, god-like around me, the sun shining down upon me. I held the Death Note in my hand, but as I looked up, I saw L standing there, watching me, from the rooftop of the next building.  
"L!" I cried, my heart filled to burst. He didn't hear me. He turned around and began to walk. "No, L! Come back! I'm sorry I'm late! You wouldn't believe this, but I went blind! I couldn't see anything!" No. Why would he believe that? That was just stupid? Why was I even telling him? I just had to keep apologising. The gap between the two buildings wasn't that big. I was Kira. I was a god. I could fly across. But...I would still need a run up. Just to be safe._

_I strode back a short distance, then began to run. I leapt off the building, getting a secret thrill. Would L catch me? I smiled, and looked up at him, as I flew through the air. He was gone. No. I couldn't make it! I began to fall. How had I made such a serious misjudgement? Now I was going to die. I screamed as I fell, screamed for L to save me. He was the only one. I needed only L. I was going to fall to my death. The pavement rose up to greet me. No. I didn't want to see it. Why wasn't I blind again? I wanted to be blind, so I would not see death waiting.  
I was a god and I was about to die. I wanted to see the sky as I died. I turned my body, and looked up to the blue sky. Perched on the edge of a building, was L, watching me apathetically as I went to meet my death. Why wasn't he doing anything? Didn't he realise I was about to die? L couldn't be that blind...No. He knew I was going to die. And he was watching me. Why? Tears flooded my eyes. Why, L? Don't you love me? Because I love you. More than anything. _

I opened my eyes, gasping for breath, heart thumping so hard it was almost painful. I hated those dreams, the ones where I was falling. I hated them. But I hadn't had a nightmare in so long. Not since I'd met L. My stomach churned. I felt sick, not to mention upset. I got out of bed, noting that L wasn't there, and stumbled into the bathroom, falling by the toilet. It was dark, but L sometimes liked to leave the bathroom light on for me, as if I couldn't find my way in the dark. It lit my way, and I was finally glad for it. It took me a moment, but I ended up vomiting into the bowl. I closed my eyes, screwed them up tight, frightened and disgusted at what I would see emerging from my stomach. When I had finished, I sat back, exhausted.

A strange sound met my ears. Was it raining outside? The air was cool, but I was hot and covered in sweat. It would be nice to go out in the rain...I couldn't smell it, all I could smell was the hot stench of my own waste in the toilet. My hand shook as I reached up to flush it all away, wishing it would flush away all my symptoms. I flushed it twice.

I got to my feet and washed my face in the sink, before brushing my teeth a few times, but I still couldn't get rid of the almost metallic, raw burn in the back of my throat. I dried my face, but I could still smell vomit. Ugh. Maybe the smell of rain would cover it up. I left the bedroom and made my way through the dark house. What time was it? Perhaps in the early hours after midnight? I stepped into the backyard, where it really was pouring down rain. The air was freezing. No doubt the rain was ice. I was only in my boxers, so I wasn't going to go out there and get even more sick. Something moved in the darkness. My heart leapt into my mouth. Should I shout? Tell them to go away? Shout for Matsuda? For L? Would they hear me? Should I run inside and get them?

I looked closer, heart thumping wildly. It was only L. My heart slowed, and I exhaled, relieved. I was going to call out to him, but I noticed that he seemed very out of it. He stood in the rain, looking blankly up at the clouds, completely soaked. I watched as he slowly looked down at his feet, and kicked the ground, sending up a splash of mud and water. He looked back up at the sky. He repeated this odd pattern for a while, before he sat down, and lay back, eyes still locked on the dark sky above him, the rain pounding his skin. How could he keep his eyes open like that? He was almost in a trance-like state. He was going to get sick if he wasn't careful.  
I stepped out into the rain, right in the assumption that it was icy cold. I hurried over to L, and knelt by his head, looking down at him, my head sheilding his face. His eyes didn't register anything for a long while, then finally, something in his expression changed. His eyes moved, drank me in. "Light, what are you doing in the rain? You're going to catch a cold," he murmured, reaching up with muddy fingers to stroke my dripping hair. I kissed his forehead.  
"Like you can talk. What are you doing out here?" I smiled, kissing his lips rather awkwardly upside down. L face slowly registered surprise.

"I am, aren't I?" He frowned. "I guess I like the rain a lot."

"Are you...on drugs?" I asked, trying not to grin. He shook his head and sat up. I could see mud and grass clinging to his now near-see through shirt.

"I just like the rain," he said, looking up at the sky one last time before getting to his feet and turning to me. He offered me a hand up, his eyes narrowing. "Light, why did you come out in the rain, dressed like that? You must be freezing." He pulled me into a hug, trying to use his own body heat to warm me, but his soaked clothes and icy skin were doing nothing to warm me. I gasped, and tried not to draw away from the inclement temperature of him. He kissed my cheek, then my neck, his fingers twisting in in my hair. His tongue was hot, surprising me. He sucked on the skin, pressing himself to me. I wanted to kiss him, but my throat was still disgusting. I pulled away.

"Don't, L. I'm sick," I told him, taking his hands and entwining my fingers in his own. He kissed my lips, then inhaled.

"Did you brush your teeth?" he asked, noticing. "You smell very minty."  
"Yeah, I told you, I'm sick. I was throwing up before."

"Are you okay?" L asked, eyes becoming alert, looking me up and down for signs that I was about to fall over and go into sudden spasms.

"I'm fine," I smiled, amused. I shivered, goosebumps raising on my terribly exposed flesh. "It's just cold, that's all."

"Quick, let's get inside. I'll run you a hot shower," L said, pushing me towards the house. "I'll check your temperature, and I'll call Watari. Do you have a family doctor? I can contact one of my own, if you like."  
"L, I'm fine," I said firmly, rolling my eyes. "Don't panic."

"Why _aren't _you in a panic?" L shot back, pulling me to the bathroom in our bedroom, leaving a trail of mud and water. I would have to clean that. Matsuda did way too much already around here, and there was no way I could see L cleaning so much as a teacup.

"L, it's not a big deal. I was just sick. I'm feeling fine now, I think my stomach just needed to settle. In fact, I'm feeling kind of hungry," I said, rubbing my belly. "You don't have to treat me like I'm pregnant or something."

L folded his arms huffily, in an act so childish, it was unlike him. His eyes were narrowed. "Light, I'm your boyfriend, aren't I? Let me look after you. I want you in perfect condition, always."

"You're not my boyfriend," I said, watching as his face become awash with surprise, then flashed with hurt before it became an expressionless mask. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his waist and then buried my face into his soaking chest. "Boyfriend isn't a good enough word to describe what you are. You're my lover. My partner for life. My soulmate."

L softened and stroked the skin under my right eye with his thumb. "Yes. We're soulmates, Light. That's a much more apt term."

He finally let go of me and pulled off his shirt which clung to his skin, and struggled to take off his wet jeans. I got to my knees and tried to help tug them off for him, and they finally fell around his ankles after some effort, leaving me face to face with one of my favourite parts of L's anatomy. Why didn't he ever wear underwear?

I couldn't help myself. I placed a kiss underneath his navel, before moving lower, sending my hot breath along his cold skin. L inhaled sharply, his eyes watching me. I kept my eyes locked on his, as I ran my tongue along his length, and saw his own cloud over, eyelids drooping with lust. The corners of his lips tilted upwards as he leaned back against the tiled wall, eyes closing all the way, losing himself to me. I felt excitement well up within me. He was giving in so easily, letting me take control. I kissed the insides of his thighs, ran my fingers along the backs of them, working ever so lightly that he would try to shift into my touch.

My eyes began to pool, thinking of how much I loved him, and how much I wanted to pleasure him. In my dream, I had lost him. I didn't ever want to lose him, the thought of doing so frightened me. I closed my eyes tightly and increased my friction, guiding his slightly stiffening member to my mouth, slowly pulling him in, slowly releasing him, letting my tongue stroke the vein along the bottom of his member, which began to pulse. I could feel him hardening within my mouth. I worked at the same slow pace, sucking. All thoughts of how I had been sick before, had been freezing cold, were lost. I burst into a passionate sweat, my own appendage hardening, constrained almost painfully by my boxers, as I began to increase the speed. L's fingers tightened in my hair, but I stopped before he came. I got to my feet and kissed him hungrily, pulling him to the bedroom. We didn't fall upon the bed. Instead, L pulled me to the carpeted floor, and pushed his knee between my thighs to open them, putting weight upon my groin. I hissed in pleasure, especially as he kissed my chest before gazing into my eyes, a watchful glint in them, as he pulled off my boxers and his fingers curled around my length. He began to rub hard and slowly, making me arch into his touch, wanting to grind with him.

"Ah..." I moaned, as he continued to watch my expressions. "Harder, L. Ah...H-Harder! Please!" L complied and pumped faster, his teeth nipping at my nipple, tongue swirling around it hungrily. It was not my eyes that began to weep, as soft wet noises from natural lubrication produced by my member and L's moving hand met my ears. I moaned and pulled on my hair, sensations coursing through my body.

L panted along with me, until I rolled us, so I lay between his legs. I let out a shuddering cry as I began to grind my hips against his own, rubbing my aching, throbbing member against his own, noticing and knowing the longer one's erection lasted, the darker in colour it would become because of the amount of blood flooding it. Rubbing our penises together at first was out of sync, but we developed a rythm, our clashing becoming solid, almost frenzied rocking.

"L, I n-need you!" I moaned, shuddering, ready for release. L reached up and bit into my neck, muffling a cry. I gasped, crying out on every stroke until I came, releasing upon his stomach, still rocking until he came moments later, shuddering beneath me. I fell upon him, feeling his slick skin beneath me. L's hot arms wrapped around me, panting for breath. I could feel his heart beating so wildly and strong.

"Oh, Light," he breathed, kissing my temple. I buried myself further into him, content, my short pants slowing, exhaustion befalling me. He stroked my hair, pulling a lock to his lips and kissing it. I smiled up at him. "We should take a shower," he murmured, stroking my arm.  
"I don't want to get up," I groaned, kissing his chest. He smiled and sat up anyway, helping me up.  
"Come on. And then you can go back to bed."

"You know, I was probably sick because you spiked my drink. How many sleeping pills did you give me?"

"Only two," he told me honestly. "I would never go over the recommended dosage. More so with you. Maybe it was Matsuda's cooking, or one of Ryuk's special ingredients."

"Well...I had a nightmare. Maybe I was sick because of that. It was one of them dreams where you're falling, and you wake up when you're about to hit the ground."

"I've had a dream like that once...I suppose that's one of the reasons why I gave up sleeping," L smiled wryly, turning on the water. "I can't recall ever waking up from a dream and being sick. Was it a nasty dream then?"

"Very," I said quietly, following him into the stream of warm water. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. I couldn't think of single place where I had felt safer.

"Tell me about it," he murmured in my ear. I snuggled impossibly closer, not wanting to remember anything about my dream. I hated how vivid it was, how I could remember almost every detail. Usually I forgot my dreams moments after I woke up. Why wasn't I able to forget this one, the only one I didn't want to remember?

"Tell me," he repeated, his low, deep purr sending a shiver down my spine.  
"I don't want to," I mumbled against his skin.

"Please."  
"No." If I don't talk about it, it didn't happen. I didn't dream something so horrible.

"What was it about?"

"You."

"And what did I do?" You let me die. You watched me die.

"Nothing." You did nothing to save me.

"What else was it about?" he pressed, obviously unconvinced. "Dreams are said to be subconcious messages. I would like to try my hand at reading yours."

"I was blind in the beginning. I couldn't see anything, it was all too bright."

"And...?"  
"And I was looking for you."

"Did you find me?"  
"When I did, we were standing on the tops of these two buildings." I clung to him tightly. "I tried to jump the gap, but I couldn't. You weren't there anymore. And when I was falling, I looked up, and you were there, watching me fall. You were going to let me die." My voice broke and I felt hot tears escape my eyes. I tried to force them away, my cheeks red. This was stupid, crying over a stupid dream.

"Oh, Light," L breathed, his fingers curling beneath my chin, lifting my face to look into his eyes. He kissed the tip of my now runny nose. "Why would you even dream something like that? I would never do such a callous, insensate, heartless, indurated, obdurate, inured, soulless thing. I am you, Light, and you are me. I could never let you fall to your death and not do anything. I would not let you trip over and fall over a crack in the pavement. That is how precious you are to me."  
"I feel like an idiot."  
"Why is that?" he asked, wiping the stream of tears from my eyes. "Tell me, my beautiful boy."

"Because I _know _you would never let me fall. But my dream was so real. It scared me," I told him, reaching up to kiss his soft lips. The feel of his beloved lips gliding, moving perfectly against my own, struck something within me. The way my hands fit perfectly in his own. The way we fit together when we made love...I knew. We were made for each other. I believed in fate now. Fate had put us here, had led us together. I was Kira, and he was L, and we had been searching for one another before we even knew it. Our first intentions to kill the other, but love could not be denied. Kissing what could have been my killer...I smiled at L. He would never let me fall. I trusted him. And he trusted me. I would do nothing to break that trust. Never, ever.

When I next opened my eyes, sunshine poured through the large windows. L lay beside me, smiling at me, propped on his elbow. "Good morning, my love," he said warmly, reaching to kiss me. "How are you feeling? Not sick at all?"  
"I feel perfect," I beamed back rather sleepily, wrapping my arms around his neck and drawing him into a deeper kiss, noticing that from the amount of times I had brushed my teeth last night, my morning breath wasn't that bad. "I just need to use the toilet." I stretched and got out of bed, stretching for a moment. "Mmmn," I noted.

"What is it?" L asked.

"Oh, sometimes I get a little backache or my ass hurts a bit in the mornings after some hard fucking. I expected it, but I just remembered that we didn't do it like that last night," I told him, stretching again.

"You know, I _really _didn't need to know that," Ryuk said, voice full of disgust. I spun around in surprise and anger to see Ryuk floating through the closed door. His eyes widened, taking in my naked form, before he covered his eyes as I covered myself.  
"Get out," I demanded, cheeks flushing.

"Hah, what are you? Self-concious about how small you are? I thought Gods were supposed to be perfect," Ryuk sneered, floating out, still keeping his eyes covered.

"He's bigger than you," L called teasingly to Ryuk, smiling. I gave L a disgruntled look and headed to the bathroom to empty my bladder. I heard L enter behind me, and he stood beside me, undergoing the same task.

"You look upset, Light," he noted. "You didn't listen to Ryuk, did you? You should know that you're the perfect example of all that's male."

"I'm not self-concious," I lied, turning my face away from L, so he couldn't read me so openly. "I just don't like anyone other than you seeing me naked."

"I don't like anyone other than myself seeing you naked, either," L smiled, flushing the toilets and joining me at the sink to wash our hands. "But it's natural to feel inadequate. Trust me, you _more _than measure up, Light." He kissed my neck, and went to go scrounge up his usual attire of jeans and a white long-sleeved shirt.

"Stupid Ryuk," I muttered darkly, resisting the urge to look down at myself, to reassure myself that my member hadn't shrunk magically overnight. How could a shinigami make me so insecure about my looks within mere minutes? I bit my lip, then burst into laughter. I had never known Ryuk to blush, but I wondered if he was right now. I had seen how he had gawked, then hurriedly covered his eyes like some young innocent school girl. I stretched, feeling much better. Yes, I felt much better, knowing how modest Ryuk was. He wore a skirt, too. I wondered what he'd look like if he had ribbons in his short hair. And his purple lips...did he wear lipstick of some kind? His clothing, was it some kind of leather? It was very tight fitting...So many signs that Ryuk was probably queer or something. Yes, pointing out Ryuk's own flaws was making me feel much more better about myself.

I headed out to the bedroom, finding L fully dressed. I rumaged through my own clothes, finding something to wear. "So, we were going to discuss Misa today, weren't we?" I asked, pulling on my favourite green y-fronts. L nodded, giving me an almost pained look. "What?" I asked, confused. He smiled and padded over, hooking his finger under the elastic of my underwear.  
"Why do you constrain yourself, Light? It's such a hinderance. If I want to fuck you, it takes an extra few seconds to take these off. I'm very impatient sometimes, you know."

"They say that the best protection against infections, diseases and pregnancies is to keep your legs shut and your underwear on. I don't want to take my chances on catching a baby or something."

"That's very thought provoking," L said, tapping his lip with his finger, something he did habitually when he was thinking through a new idea. I shook my head in worry, before continuing to dress.  
"When are we going to discuss Misa?" I pressed, when I was finally decent. L pulled my wallet off of one of the bedside tables and passed it to me, also passing me my phone.  
"We can't discuss it here, obviously. It's too odd for us to have such an indepth converstation off camera just after we recieve a mystery visit. And I feel like going out today. Enjoying the sunshine after such a cool night. It might be humid today, after the rain. So, let's go find a nice coffee shop and discuss our options." He took my hand, his eyes growing serious. "Mind you, Light, we have few options regarding this situation. I didn't count on Rem being so protective of Misa."  
"Let's discuss this when we get there," I said, beginning to lead him out of the house. It felt good to walk in the sun, holding hands like any pair of lovers would. Of course, we weren't exactly normal lovers. No one would expect Kira and his hunter to be in the same company, yet making love like we did. We walked, and I found my heart fluttering like a school boy's, my stomach full of butterflies everytime I glanced at him, and smiled, flushing, every time his eyes met mine. Our hips would brush as we walked, and I fell in love all over again.

"Light...why are you glowing?" L asked after a while, as we walked down a street. I smiled shyly, feeling kind of stupid.  
"I don't know. It feels kind of like a date, even though I know this is supposed to be serious, and about Misa. We've never really gone out anywhere together."

"Hmmn...You're quite right," L murmured, chewing on his thumbnail, eyebrows drawing together in a slight frown. His expression lightened for a moment, and he dragged me over to a newspaper stand, where there was a collection of flowers. He picked out a single red rose and approached the owner, handing over some money before giving me the rose. "For you, Light. We haven't ever...gone out, so I would like to make up for it right now. This is a date. Just you and me. We can talk about Misa later."

"But-"  
"Misa can wait. There's not much to discuss, anyway. What would you like to do? What usually happens on dates? I can't say I've experienced one before."

"You...want to go on a date? Right now?"  
"Yes. Don't you?" he asked, watching me as I busied myself with smelling the beautiful rose he had given me. I had never been given flowers before, and small weeds from Sayu as children didn't count. I liked it.

"Well, I want to, but I think your priorities aren't quite right. Isn't Misa more important than a date?" I questioned, not looking at him. I didn't want him to take me on a date just because he felt guilty that we hadn't yet. If he wanted to discuss Misa, which I was still willing to do, he just had to say so. Dates weren't that important. But still...I wouldn't mind...

"Light. I want to go on a date with you. Right now. I've already told you that there's basically nothing we can do about this situation with Misa, so we can discuss it later. We have all the time in the world, and I want to spend it with you, not with talk of what we can't change," L said, brushing my fringe away from my eyes. "Misa can wait. Spending time with you can't. Haven't I already told you that I'm impatient? I want to go on a date right now."

"Fine," I said, pretending to be exasperated, but struggling to hide a smile. "What do you want to do, then?"

L was stumped on that. "Have you got any ideas?" he asked, hopeful. I looked around the street, looking for inspiration.  
"Want to see a movie? Or see a baseball game? Visit an arcade or something?" I suggested, not very hopeful. None of those things really interested us or suited us, we were more entertained playing chess or discussing philosophy. I frowned, then shrugged, sniffing my rose again. "Why don't we go get some coffee and come up with some ideas? I haven't even had breakfast yet, so why don't we do that? I'm starving."

"Alright," L agreed, entwining his fingers in mine tightly, and beginning to walk with me to a coffee shop. We sat ourselves down at a table and placed an order; coffee for me and tea for L, before settling back in our chairs. I toyed with the rose, letting its soft, silky petals stroke my skin lightly, in some vain attempt to make myself smell as wonderful and fragrant. L smiled, and reached forward, fingers holding my chin to kiss my lips.  
The waitress who had taken our order returned, and seemed a little embarrassed as she placed our cups on the table. L's eyes darkened as he pulled away from me, annoyed at being disturbed, taking his tea and sipping it. The waitress quickly left. L's eyes darkened even further over the rim of his cup. He placed it down and stood. "What is it?" I asked, concerned, my hand pausing as I reached for my own drink.  
"Not enough sugar. I asked for ten spoonfuls. It tastes like only six," he muttered. He shuffled to the counter to ask for more sugar. I restrained a long sigh and sat back, still toying with the rose.

"Light! Hey, Light!" I heard someone call. I looked up to see Chikayo and Mitsu bustling over to me.  
"Oh, hey," I said, forcing a smile. "What are you two doing here? Are you on a date or something?"

"Are you dense? Mistu and I are cousins, remember?" Chikayo reminded me, rolling his eyes. "You've been away too long, Light. You're forgetting things. You even forgot Kinyasu's birthday yesterday. You don't hang out with anyone any more."

"That's because he's too busy with his girlfriend," Mitsu smirked, sitting herself down in L's vacated chair. "What's with the rose, Light? Is she here somewhere? Are you on a date?"  
"Ah...something like that," I mumbled, my face growing hot.

"You got her a rose, that's so romantic," Mitsu sighed, her eyes becoming slightly dreamy, her hands moving underneath her chin in a form of admiration. "Why wouldn't you ever go out with me? I didn't know you were so...charming."

"He's a real mushy one," Chikayo agreed with a snort, dragging over a spare chair to the table. Why did they have to invite themselves here? What would I say when L came back?

"So, where are you taking her?" Mitsu asked. "What's your plan for today?"

"Ah...I don't have any idea."

"What? You're not serious? You can't go on a date and not have any plan! Sitting around and drinking coffee, that's not a _real _date. What kind of things does she like?"  
A battle of wits. "Chess."

Spying on people, namely me. "Mystery novels."

Sex. "Some sports."

Playing tricks on Matsuda with a shinigami. "Occult stuff."

"Sounds like a real catch," Chikayo grinned, playing with his wallet. "So, Miss Matchmaker Mitsu, what kind of date can you plan with that kind of information?"

"It's a bit of a tricky one, but there's no date I can't plan," Mitsu said, determined. I wanted to groan. "Why don't you take her to an art gallery? Or to a bookstore? Sounds like a bookish type to me. All girls like shopping. She shouldn't be any different."

"Who are your friends, Light?" a familiar voice asked, sounding slightly confused.

"Chikayo and Mitsu. Friends from school," I said shortly, keeping my eyes fixed on my cup of coffee on the table.  
"Light! Light!" I looked up in horror as Misa ran forward, face awash with happiness as she leapt upon me and smothered me in a hug. "Oh wow! I can't believe I found you here! Isn't this great? We should hang out!"  
"Hello, Misa," L said calmly. "It's me, Ryuzaki. Remember me at all?"  
"Oh, hey!" she beamed, releasing me, looking slightly disgruntled at his silent reminder of his presence by my shoulder.  
"Mitsu, Chikayo, this is Misa Amane and Ryuzaki. Misa, this is Mitsu and Chikayo, friends from school." If L wanted to name himself Ryuzaki in public, then I would play along.  
Mitsu and Chikayo surprisingly weren't staring at the beautiful oddity that was L, but at Misa, appraising her closely. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or not. They thought she was my mystery girlfriend. She was, after all, wearing lots of occult jewelry and a short black lacy dress and striped stockings. "I'm not really feeling well, maybe I should go home," I mumbled, getting to my feet.

"Wait, what's the rose for?" Mitsu asked pointedly, assuming that I was too shy to give it to Misa in front of my friends. What would I do? Should I give it to Misa and continue with the lie? Or do I admit the truth about L standing behind me? I couldn't. It was too soon to admit I was gay to my friends. I couldn't. But if I didn't, would it hurt L? Surely it would hurt him if I gave it to Misa? And maybe Misa would take it the wrong way, as if I was accepting her. Where was Rem?

I thrust the rose at Misa and gave her a smile. "Here, Misa. This is for you. Tell Rem I said hello, okay? I'm really not feeling well. Ryuzaki, would you take me home?" I flashed a quick, apologetic smile at Mitsu and Chikayo. "Sorry, I'll catch you guys at school, okay?"

"Of course," L said, pulling out money and placing it upon the table, paying for our barely touched drinks, his face an expressionless mask. I quickly walked away, shoulders hunched, keeping a few steps ahead of L until we were out of sight of the coffee shop. Finally, I stopped and turned to him.  
"I'm really sorry, L," I said, eyes watering. I was so scared I'd hurt him. "I can't tell them. I'm not ready for that."

"It was a smart idea, giving that rose to Misa. Rem will warm towards you."

"You're not...angry?"  
"Should I be?" he questioned, giving me a lopsided smile. "If you're not comfortable telling your friends about me, that's perfectly fine. The only person you have to be truthful to is yourself. And me."  
"Well..they thought I was giving the rose to Misa...because they thought she was my girlfriend," I admitted.  
"I'm not so sure I can handle that," L said, wrinkling his nose. "You're mine, and I don't want anyone even thinking that you could possibly belong to anyone else."

"I belong to you, and you know that. They just assumed."

"If you feel you need to tell them that...I really can't do anything about it," he said eventually, stroking my cheek. "Whatever makes you feel comfortable and assured...Just make sure Misa doesn't get the wrong idea."

"I hate her with all my heart," I promised him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "And besides, right now, Misa is probably telling them the truth about us two. Though...if she were, I suppose Mitsu would be running after us or would be trying to ring me right now."  
"Well...this date isn't a very good one."  
"I know," I sighed, disappointed.

"Let's go home, have breakfast and then engage in some sex."

"I like the way you think," I grinned, kissing him.

*****

Alright, wonderful fangirls and fanguys (If you get past the third installment, I guess that makes you fans now, right?), what do you think of this new update? Misa Amane has officially come into play!! ^w^ It took so long, and I got very impatient, which is why I didn't go into detail much. I just wanted to write her in already! Forgive me! But you have to admit, with Mitsu and Chikayo now thinking Misa is Light's mysterious girlfriend, it could lead up to some pretty amusing updates to come. ^w^

Here are the stats that I took on Saturday for this fanfiction, so it doesn't include this update:

Death Note Dreaming

Words:29, 537

Hits:1,097

Visitors: 709

Now, I have no idea how any of this works. By visitors, does that mean that they don't have accounts? So that would make 388 people with accounts on that are reading my story at the moment? Anyone shed some light (Yagami!) on that for me? I average on 20-30 emails per day just from _awesome _people adding my story to alert or favourite story. Can you believe that? Because I sure can't!! Whoever has done so...you are now officially DUN DUN DUN...in my heart!! I love you all!! All those kisses and hugs 'n' stuff your way, everyone!!

Now it's time for DUN DUN DUN...._AUTHOR QUESTIONS!!_

(The game that everyone should play, because I love reveiws!! Kyu!! ^w^ )

1. Anyone get amused by Ryuk?

2. Anyone like Mitsu and Chikayo so far?

3. Any ideas on how L and Light are gonna pull themselves out of this sticky situation with Rem threatening to kill them if they try to get rid of Misa?

4. Anyone worried about Light's dream? It seems a little too spoilerish for me!! Kukuku!

5. Anyone happy that Light finally knows L's full name? Even though Misa would have spoiled it for him anyway?

So, here's a little sniff of what crap I'm gonna be updating next, because if you've made it this far with me, to the fourth installment, you deserve a present!! (Cliffhangers, aren't I the worst person in the world? kukuku!!) ^w^ ::

L has something special planned for Light, to make up for their dud date.

Misa begins to stalk Light at school. He has to keep up the charade for his classmates, doesn't he? Trouble trouble!!

And Kira wants to come out and play...

Until next time, you smexy people!!


	5. Chapter 5

The plan of action was to befriend Misa, to make her completely complacent, so that she would accept anything I said. She had given us her Death Note, but neither L or I were stupid enough to believe that she didn't have a spare page torn out of it. We had convinced her for the moment that to keep her safe, she had to stop killing, and hopefully, we could put the idea to her that Kira was wrong, that it was the end. From the enthusiasm she displayed, I knew it wasn't going to be easy to make her give up being Kira completely. I knew only too well how powerful I felt with those pages in my hands. How seductive that power was. I was a god with those pages.

But L's seduction had proven more worthwhile to me. I loved L, with all my heart, soul and body. He was an extension of myself, someone I could see myself being with forever. But I found myself thinking...what would the world be like...if I were still Kira?

I hid such guilty thoughts from L, I knew it would bring no could to voice my daydreams to him. I wasn't lying, but hiding things from him like this made me feel as if I were. I struggled with myself, trying to reassure myself. They were just random daydreams I puzzled over, there was no true desire in them to once again become Kira. I just wanted to know what it would be like, I told myself. There was nothing wrong with that.

...But deep down...no matter how much I tried to stop it...Kira was waking up.

***

I felt terribly guilty for giving away L's rose to Misa. I wanted nothing more than to turn back time to fix things. I wanted to get that rose back, I wanted it for myself. It had been a gift from L...My beautiful seme.

I sat at my desk, half-asleep with boredom, waiting for the class to begin. Matsuda had driven me to school today, but I was a little early, one of the first to arrive. As people began to filter and drift into the class, I noticed how they glanced at me, smiling curiously, whispering behind their hands. When someone openly stared, I began to worry. Was there something wrong? Had I put my shirt on the wrong way? Had Ryuk drawn on my face in the middle of the night like he did with Matsuda? Had L left a love bite a little too high on my neck?

"Hey, Light," Rumiko smiled at me, moving to sit in front of me as usual. There was a look in her eye, the type she got when she had come across some juicy gossip. From all the strange glances at me, I had the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that made me suspect it was about me. "Ready for today's maths test, Light? I studied last night, but I think I might need a tutor." She could be a lot smarter if she spent as much time studying as she did gossiping.

"Hey, Light, when are you going to introduce me to Misa?" Akihito called from the door, balancing a tennis ball on his forehead as he walked through the door. "Chikayo says she's really hot."

Misa? Attractive? Not on your life.  
"Chikayo told you about Misa?" I asked him, running my fingers through my hair in exasperation. Not good.

"Yeah, he reckons she's a real looker. Great personality," Akihito said, tossing the ball at me. I caught it with one hand.

Are we talking about Misa Amane, here? "Chikayo said that, did he?" He was always one for the oddballs.

"Yeah. I want to see her for myself," Akihito told me, catching the ball in return before taking his seat. "Chikayo hasn't got much taste, but I suppose she's got to be hot if she's got _you _for a boyfriend, Mr Too-Good-For-Everyone."

I wrinkled my nose. I knew people thought I had high standards because I was always turning down girls, but L had figured me out so easily, whereas these people who had known me for years had no idea that I was gay. And I found no one as attractive as L. Such dark, lustful eyes...Messy ebony hair that I loved to run my fingers through...Strong shoulders that I yearned to dig my fingernails into, as I cried for him to go harder...

I quickly rid my mind of those thoughts, finding myself getting turned on. This was not the kind of place for thinking about L and the millions of ways I wanted him. I tried to empty my mind, but it was near impossible. Instead, I thought of Misa. Yeah, that stopped the floodgates to my nerves, stopped the pooling and the heat between my legs.

Chikayo wasn't in any of my beginning classes, though Mitsu was, and she took great delight in giving everyone details about Misa, everything from her shoes to the colour of the ribbons in her hair. Everyone wanted to know about what kind of a person could possibly interest Light Yagami. It irritated me, the very idea that anyone could consider Misa and I together. It was repulsive. _She _was repulsive!

Would I ever be brave enough to tell anyone about L? I wanted to tell someone, as if he were some kind of secret that weighed heavily upon me. I wanted to laugh with someone, complain about the way he always woke up before me, so I could never watch _him _wake up for a change, if he ever slept. I wanted to talk about the way he made me feel, wanted to express to someone how much he mattered to me. But how could I? If people knew that I was gay...No, it couldn't happen. I couldn't tell anyone.

Throughout the day I was approached with questions about Misa, and I shook all of them off. How had I met her? Where was she from? How old was she? How long had we been together? All I could do to avoid them was hide. Chikayo and Mitsu helped me out and distracted people at the end of class, letting me make an escape, meeting me later on empty stairwells and shady, secluded benches. I felt as if I owed them an honest explaination about Misa, about L, but I couldn't bring myself to. Apparently Chikayo had only told Akihito, and Mitsu had only told one other friend, and Rumiko had overheard her, spreading the rumour. That was the most logical explaination considering how fast people had found out. She was the school's biggest gossip, after all, and anything about Light Yagami was pure gold.

***

L helped me with my homework, answering my questions as he undressed. I lay in bed, glancing up at him as often as I could, writing down the answers in my book.

L shimmied out of his jeans and crawled into bed, wrapping his arms around me. The familiar sound of Matsuda crying out angrily and the sound of Ryuk's hysterical laughter drifted from upstairs.

"I wonder what's wrong with him," I murmured, tossing my book and pacer onto the floor, before snuggling further into L's arms.

"Ryuk was telling me he was going to put worms in Matsuda's bed," L told me, stroking my hair.

"Mmn...I'm surprised Matsuda hasn't snapped yet. Ryuk practically tortures him every day."

"For someone who was once Kira, you are a wonderfully kind person," L teased, kissing my cheek. I snorted with amusement and buried myself into his beautiful, warm marble chest. L held me close, breathing into my hair. I was quite content to go to sleep in his warmth, but as my nose brushed his nipple, noticing how it hardened, I couldn't leave him in a state of arousal. I took it in my mouth, swirling my tongue around it, before nipping it with my teeth.  
L inhaled sharply, his fingers tangling in my hair as I moved to pay attention to the other. I was his uke, even if I wanted to play seme, and I wanted to bring as much pleasure to him as I could. I suckled on his skin, content to stay like this forever. L's fingertips brushed the length of my arm, before he moved to my hips. He groaned softly, his fingers slipping under the band of my y-fronts. "Why do you wear underwear?" he moaned silkily in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. He cupped a buttock, pulling my hips closer to his.  
His finger slipped down and rubbed lightly at my entrance, urging me to open, and I bucked back into his hand, wanting more friction. I moaned and gasped as he rewarded me with a harder, more pleasurable touch, my eyes screwing tightly as I tried to bring my rear closer to that moving finger. L chuckled into my hair and used his other hand to bring my leg between his own, where he captured it, so I couldn't move into his hand anymore. I groaned at this constriction, wanting to move, wanting to thrust back, wanting his fingers inside of me.

I could feel L's member hot against my stomach, its tip beginning to become wet with his pre-release. I bucked harder, wanting both his fingers and his hot member to touch me. I moaned up at L, looking into his amused eyes as my attempts to move my hips were in vain. His legs held me into place. All I could do was writhe at whatever touch he bestowed upon me.

I nipped playfully at his chest, being rewarded with another sharp intake of breath, his lungs beginning to heave. His fingers moved harder at my entrance. "Oh..." I moaned. "Harder, L...Harder, please."

His free hand reached down and pushed my underwear to my knees, and then brought the tip of my aching member to his, fondling both of us. After a moment, he growled in my ear. "Put your fingers in my mouth."

I placed two of my fingers into that hot, wet haven and he began to suck, his tongue caressing me, the pressure increasing the wetness below. I broke into a light sweat, breathing heavily, wanting to thrash as he sucked on my fingers. When he released them, they were coated with saliva.  
"Now, rub them on my penis," he breathed, capturing my lips in a hungry kiss. I did as he said, letting my wet fingers brush the tip of his member, before smearing the wetness around. L moaned and shuddered, before crying out. The sound of him in pleasure increased my arousal to the degree that I couldn't take any more. I nipped at his bottom lip, and pushed his chest, unable to make a coherent sound to tell him what I wanted. He got the message anyway. He released me and reached for the lubricant he now kept openly on top of the dresser as I got onto all fours. I spread my legs and felt him move behind me. I heard wet noises behind me for a moment before I felt him guide the head of his throbbing member to my entrance. I thrust back, wanting him in me. He pushed the head in, then placed his hands on my hips before pushing further in, until he was fully sheathed within me. We both cried out, staying like that for a long moment. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.  
"L, please, move," I moaned, voice strained. L complied and began to thrust, eventually finding a rhythm and building speed upon it, the sound of our skin slapping together filling my ears. My fingers curled in the sheets, my stomach muscles clenching and unclenching as I rocked into him.  
"Light," he ground out. "Light."

"Mmn..." I moaned, hot tears sliding down my cheeks. My core was on fire, my soul umong th stars, my very being made of sparkling gasses and racing along sweeping plains.

"You're...ngh...so tight," he groaned, his teeth nipping my back. "Oh, Light! Light! Light! Ah...!"

His voice danced in my ears as I came, squirting my essence into the sheets, my legs quivering as I did. L continued to thrust until he reached his own peak, releasing inside of me, flooding me. It felt so good. He pushed it for a moment longer, before he weakly pulled out and lay on his side, pulling me with him, his arms locked around me, holding me to him.

"Mmn...I love you," he panted into my neck, before kissing every part of me he could reach.

"Love you...Lawliet," I sighed, slipping into a content slumber.

***

I walked with Mitsu to the science labs, enjoying the feel of the sun on my skin. A lazy, warm day to be enjoyed.

"Light! Light!" someone shouted. I looked up in horror to see Misa running towards me, a look of pure joy upon her face. I looked left, I looked right, desperate for a way to escape, somewhere to run and hide. The blonde leapt upon me, smothering me into a hug. "Oh, Light! I haven't seen you in so long! I've missed you! How have you been? We should go out sometime! I know this really cute resturaunt you'd like!"

"Hi, Misa," Mitsu smiled, "How are you?"  
"I'm excellent!" Misa beamed. "I've just finished shooting a new commercial for lipstick."

"That's right, you're into show business, aren't you? Well, it sounds like fun," Mitsu smiled back. I tried to edge back, but it was no use. Misa linked her arm in mine, holding onto it in a death grip.  
"I brought you some lunch, Light! I was talking to Ryuzaki and he told me that he thought you had forgotten your lunch, so I offered to bring you some! I made it myself!"

"That's adorable," I heard a girl coo. I looked around to see a whole group of people had gathered to get a look at my supposed 'girlfriend'.  
"Wow, Light. You've got a lot of friends," Misa exlaimed, also looking around with her large eyes. "I'm Misa Amane, it's nice to meet you all!" Misa looked up at me, giving me a toothy smile. "Oh, I forgot! I also got a job nearby. I'm doing a shoot, so I'll be here all next week. We can hang out during your lunch breaks. Isn't that great?"  
"That's...fantastic," I forced out. "But right now, I'm going to be late for my next class if you don't let go."

"Why would you want her to let go?" Akihito grinned at me, giving me the thumbs up as he walked by, looking Misa up and down. I wanted to groan, but I restrained myself.  
"I'll see you later, Misa," I told the bubbly girl, before shaking her off and continuing to walk with Mitsu.  
"Wait," Misa called, pouting. "Aren't you going to give me a kiss?" she asked.  
"What?"  
"We _are _going out, aren't we?" she asked, with a secretive smile. She knew what everyone was thinking. She knew that I didn't want anyone to know about L. My eyebrow twitched.  
"Uh, yeah, but I don't want to kiss you in front of everyone. It would make me very uncomfortable," I said quickly. It was no lie. I didn't want to kiss her. No way. Never.

"Oh, come on Light," Mitsu teased. "Just do it. You shouldn't leave a girl hanging."

"Yeah, come on Light," someone enthused. Before I knew it, people were cheering me on. I stared around, eyes wide, feeling much like an animal caught in the headlights. I couldn't kiss a _girl. _That was just weird. And what about L? Wouldn't it be unfaithful?  
"Please, Light?" Misa asked, eyes sparkling with tears. Faker. She lowered her voice so only I could hear. "Or would you rather kiss-"

I took a deep breath and crashed my lips to hers to shut her up. She melted beneath me, but I wanted to spit and retch. This was disgusting. This. Was. _Painful._ I pulled away and shoved my hands into my pockets.

"See you later," I muttered darkly, marching away, my cheeks burning from the wolf whistles following me. Could anyone see how pathetic that kiss had been? How forced it was on my part? Couldn't anyone see how sick I felt? How could anyone be convinced that it was heartfelt? I had to go rip my lips off and soak them in disinfectant.

"Goodbye, Light! Oh, wait! Don't forget your lunch!" Misa called after me. She ran up to me and shoved it into my chest before standing on her tiptoes and kissing my cheek. I stared after her as she ran off, wanting nothing more than to write her name in my Death Note. How sweet would those words float from my hand...But I couldn't. I searched the sky quickly for Rem. The white monster was not around, or perhaps not in sight.  
I looked at the brown paper bag in my hand once, before looking at the people watching me in the corners of their eyes. I would throw this into the bin after class, when no one was around. And then I'd set that bin on fire. And put the ashes in a box. And set that box on fire. Then get those ashes and bury them in the most secluded, remote place on earth. And then leave Earth and go to some far away planet.

***

"L!" I shouted, marching through the house. "L!"

"Yes, Light?" I heard L call from the kitchen. I found him making himself some tea, full of sugar. Mostly sugar than anything else, I knew.

"Did you tell Misa where to find me at school?"

"Yes. She called around to see how you were, and I mentioned that I suspected you had forgotten your lunch. She offered to bring it to you. You _are _supposed to be befriending her, you're her idol, after all and we need her to be totally complacent. And I thought your friends would need further comfirmation that you're not gay."

I stared at him, noticing how cool and calm he was. "Don't you...even care?" I asked, fighting a stubborn lump in my throat. "Do you want me to pretend to be straight?"

"You're the one who let your friends assume you were," L said, almost bitterly, sipping his sweetened tea. "If that's your wish, then I won't stand in your way."  
"I want you to yell at me," I told him numbly. "I want you to say that you don't want me to lie about us."

"I won't yell at you, but yes, I don't like our relationship being so hidden. I'm not a violent person Light, I am a logical being. I know that it's best for you to say that Misa is your girlfriend."

"I kissed her."

"You had to convince your friends."  
"Do you hate her?"  
"More than anything," he said honestly, letting me wrap my arms around his waist. I kissed him, locking my arms around his neck. He blindly put his teacup on the bench, his eyes closing as he deepened the kiss. This was what a kiss was supposed to be. Loving. Warm. Genuine. Real.

"Lawliet," I murmured against his lips, his fingers losing themselves in my hair, his body pressing against mine.

"That is really disgusting," Ryuk grimaced, floating through the ceiling. "Can you two stop that?"

"Never," L declared, giving me a grin. I grinned back and handed him his tea. I wasn't sure if this could have been labelled an arguement, but if it was, it had a brilliant resolve. Love fixed everything. L sipped his tea as I began to prepare dinner, giving Matsuda a break. When the childish detective returned home, I had to deal with Ryuk repeating everything Matsuda said in a strange, mocking accent. I didn't think Ryuk could get any more annoying, but it appeared he could when he made kissing noises everytime L pecked my cheek or lips. I wasn't sure why exactly L followed me around the kitchen, bestowing me with a kiss every few seconds, resting his hands upon my hips, or brushing my hand, but I didn't object, even if he distracted me and let my rice burn and congeal at the bottom of the pot, and made me drop the frozen vegetables and made me spill the stock. I could have eaten a bowl of dirt and worms just for him to let his lips linger longer upon my neck.

As it turned out, the food wasn't too bad...once Matsuda took over and fixed it all up. L was in a warm mood, and pulled me onto his lap at the table and fed me from his own fork, making sure there was no trace of sugar or chocolate syrup from his own plate left on the utensil when he brought it to my lips. Living with my parents, we had eaten using chopsticks, but L was fond of using the western group of a spoon, knife and fork. I didn't object, because if he had used chopsticks to spear the chunks of chicken smothered in syrup, it would probably end up being somewhat of a messy affair.

"I'm hungry," Ryuk complained, tired of blowing on the back of Matsuda's neck. "There's no apples. I want apples."  
"Baby," I said between a fake bout of coughing. Ryuk gave me the finger.  
"You're the baby, you're the one being fed like one," Ryuk retorted grumpily.  
"Ah, this tastes so good, Matsuda. If I had cooked, we probably would have ended up hungry. I was already starving, but not anymore. My stomach is so bloated," I said, smiling innocently at Matsuda, flashing Ryuk the finger back when Matsuda wasn't looking. Ryuk puffed out his cheeks indignantly, before turning to L.  
"I'm hungry. I want apples," he declared, folding his arms.

"Matsuda, is there any apple pie left in the fridge?" L asked, still feeding me.

"Yeah, there should be a few slices left," Matsuda answered. Ryuk was gone before the words had even left Matsuda's mouth.

After dinner and a dessert of chocolate pudding (leaving a very puzzled Matsuda who swore there'd been apple pie in the fridge), L and I curled up together in front of the television. I felt very warm in L's arms, and it wasn't long before I had fallen asleep there, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

***

As promised, Misa continued to stalk me around the school. I did my best to hide from her, but it seemed the whole school was determined for us to be together and dragged me out to face her every lunch time without fail. She insisted on holding my hand and kissing my cheek every time, and brought me lunch which I gave up trying to throw away. Rem watched me like a hawk every second I was with Misa, so I had to force myself to be enthusiastic to Misa's presence, to make her like me, even though I complained to L that there was no way Misa could like me any more than she already did. The way her eyes seemed to undress me was nothing less than frightening.

The only place I ever felt safe was with L. It was a relief, after a day of pretending to be straight, to come home to my male lover and fall asleep in his arms.

L and I walked hand in hand in a market square, in a town an hour away from home, so there was little chance for someone at school to recognise me. I was looking for an anniversary present for my parents, celebrating twenty-two years of marriage.

"Why don't you just get them some chocolates?" L asked pointedly, having been denied the treat for breakfast. I'd forced him to eat some healthy plain fruit without being smothered in sugar or syrup.

"Because Father doesn't like chocolate that much. And I want to give them something handy, something they could use. My parents are practical," I answered, examining some embroidered tea towels. L plucked them from my hand and put them back on the stall table before dragging me along to the next stall.

"Why do we even have to get them gifts? Is it a reward for staying faithful for so many years?" L asked, watching me pick up a keychain. I rolled my eyes.

"It's just a token thing, L. A lot of people would like to have the kind of love they share. Twenty-two years of marriage isn't bad."

"Then why don't we get married?" he asked, eyes still locked on me. I raised my brow at him as I put the keychain back down.

"Us? Get married?"  
"Yes. Why not?" he asked.

"For one, that's not legal. Two, since when do we need gold bands around our fingers to show how much we love each other?"

"I was actually thinking silver instead, for myself. Gold for you, yes. To match the highlights in your hair."

He had obviously been thinking this through for a while. I studied him closely, seeing how very serious he was about the subject. I softened and stroked his cheek before kissing his lips. "L, we don't need to get married. It's just a waste of money, anyway."  
"Are you afraid of commitment?" he asked, capturing my hand and pulling it to his lips.

"No," I told him, letting him smother my hand with butterfly kisses. He frowned.  
"Then why not? Just a small ceremony, for you and I. The only money would be for the rings, and money is not an issue for me at all. I bought you a house, didn't I? You promised me that I could have you forever, every little bit of you. That means I can put a ring around your finger. A little, meaningless ring. Is that so much to ask of you, Light?"

"Marriage...I've already told you. Gay people can't get married."  
"So? I want to get married, so I'm going to. No stupid piece of legislation will prevent me from giving myself to you. All I want to do is show the world what you mean to me, Light. If marrying you is the gentleman's way of doing it, then I'm darn well going to do it."  
"I'm not going to entertain you and wear a veil."  
"I'll wear the veil if it'll make you happy," he said irritably. "I just want you to let me put a ring around your finger. It won't mean anything legally, but for me, it'll mean so much more."  
"One little, meaningless ring around my finger...will keep you happy?" I asked, doubtful. He nodded, eyes like brimstone.

"Yes," he answered. "I want you to be my husband. And I shall be yours."

"Fine. But I only have one problem," I said, giving him a dark smile. "If I wear a ring around school, people are going to ask me if I've made some vow to Misa. She'd have to go around wearing one, too. How does that make you feel?"

"It doesn't matter," L growled, his arms wrapping themselves around my waist and pulling me close. He nuzzled my neck. "I love you, and that's all I want to prove by marrying you."

He kissed my jaw. "I want to be with you forever, Light. I want to provide for you, and protect you always."

"You already do that," I pointed out with a smile, brushing his hair back from his eyes, the better to look deeply into them. L captured my lips in a lingering kiss before answering.

"I want to have this ceremony in front of your parents. In front of taskforce. In front of friends. To show them how much I love you. To prove how much I love you to your parents, to reassure them that you'll always be safe with me."

"In front of friends?" I questioned.

"I have...friends of my own. Close friends. And...Light...if there's close friends of your own you would like to attend..."  
I resisted the urge to bite my lip. I knew how much it would mean to him if there were friends of my own who knew that my heart didn't belong to Misa. I rested my head against L's warm chest, before giving in. "I wouldn't mind Chikayo and Mitsu going to our wedding."

I could almost feel L become estatic. He beamed a dazzling smile down at me before smothering my face in kisses. "I love you," he whispered. I was glad I had made him happy. And the idea of marrying him...at first disconcerting, seemed to be all I wanted right now. For the rest of the day, I couldn't keep a smile off my face, and neither could he. I wasn't sure if I was looking forward to telling my parents, but I knew telling my two closest friends might be hard.

***

"Father...Mother...L and I have something to tell you," I began nervously. L flashed me a comforting smile, reassuring me that everything would be totally fine. How could I not believe such a beautiful smile such as his?

L and I had come to tell my parents about our marriage over dinner, after giving them their engagement present. We had finally decided on giving them a photograph of L and I in an elaborate glass frame. Sayu sat at the table with us, and she looked up curiously.

"L...has asked me to marry him...and I've agreed," I told them. There was a silence for a moment before Sayu let out a squeal.  
"Really? Oh, wow! That's great! So L will be my brother-in-law? That's so cool!" she burst. "Do I get to be the maid of honour, or best man?"

"Neither," I shot at her, amused. "It's just going to be a small ceremony, not a full on parade, Sayu."

She poked her tongue out at me. "I bet L will let me. Right, L? Can I do something for your wedding?"

"Well...we do need a celebrant," L told her. "But...I was rather hoping Mr Yagami would do that honour for us." His dark eyes turned to my father who was still sitting in silence. Finally, Father spoke.

"This thing wouldn't be legal," he said, scratching his chin, brown eyes contemplative.

"It's just a _wedding_ between L and I," I told him, trying not to show how the word 'thing' to describe what L and I wanted disturbed me. "It's not going to be the full on affair of a normal wedding, it's just...more of a promise ceremony, for L and I to show everyone how much we love each other."

It didn't surprise me that Father had pointed out the same thing I had. As a detective of the NPA, he held the law with great reverence, and I had grown up with those ideals. So of course, the legality of something was the first thing to come to his mind.

I watched as his thoughtful, otherwise expressionless smile become that of a proud father. He reached over the table to shake L's hand. "I would be honoured, L. Congratulations, to you both."

"Thank you. That means a lot to me," L murmured, as I beamed with happiness.

"But...Light...you're still too young," Mother said finally. "You're seventeen. You have a long life ahead of you, why get tied down? You should experience the world more first, you'll have many loves in your life." She looked down at her lap. "Don't get me wrong, I am very fond of L and I know how much you two love each other...I just feel you are acting a little hastily."

"Well, think about it this way; it's not a full legal marriage so if they decide to divorce, it's not going to be all messy," Sayu told her with a childish grin. I resisted the urge to groan.

"I know I am stealing away a huge part in Light's life," L told my mother softly. "I'm doing all I can to make up for it, but Light won't lose everything. I am more than happy to do whatever it takes should one day he decide he would like children."

"Huh?" Sayu and I said simultaneously in disgust. Mother's sad expression turned to relief. She smiled at L, her eyes looking very tired.  
"Thank you, L," she told him. "That's very reassuring. If you're willing to do such a thing for my son, I can't really stand in your way. I'd be very proud to have you as a son-in-law. Or really...it wouldn't be 'in-law', would it? But you will still be a son to me, in my heart."

***

Perhaps the hardest thing would be to tell Misa that L and I were getting married. Who knew how she would react? Without fail, she came to school to bring me lunch, and I sat with her on a shady bench. I had given in, and began to eat what she made me, reluctantly admitting it didn't taste too bad. I had never really spoken to Misa, it had just been her prattling on and me doing my best to ignore her, despite L reminding me that I had to treat her kindly. How could I? She was so annoying.

"Misa, I have something to tell you," I said, as she paused for breath during her tirade about some new photographer she was working with or something.

"What is it, Light?" she asked, excited that I had finally said something to her of my own accord.

"L...I mean, Ryuzaki...proposed to me. I said yes, and I'd like you to...come to our wedding." No way in hell I did, but L had made me, and made extra sure I posed it to Misa as my own suggestion. He knew my weak spots, and begging for him in the middle of the night was something he could use to his advantage.

"You're...getting married?" Misa blinked. "To Ryuzaki?"

I nodded and ran my fingers through my hair. "It's just going to be a small ceremony, just a gathering of family...and close friends. And you haven't seen Ryuk in a while..."

"You love him," she said, fringe falling into her eyes as her shoulders slumped.  
"Very much, Misa," I told her softly. "I know you were hoping to change that, but he's the only one for me, Misa. I'm not straight, and I'm very thankful to you for pretending to be my girlfriend like this..."

"I tried so hard...to make you like me," she told me, voice breaking and tears beginning to spill down her cheeks.

"Misa, can't we just be friends?" I asked, hiding a shudder at the thought of such a thing. How gullible was she? Falling for this fake display of affection so easily? She blinked up at me, her masacra beginning to run. I tried not to grimace and pulled a hankerchief out of my pocket and passed it to her. She thanked me, but I made no mention of how she was only smudging the black gunk further. What the hell was make-up for, anyway? It sure as hell wasn't attractive. What if L wore it? Would I find it attractive then? It would be interesting to find out...

"Are you okay, Misa?" Nariko, a girl from my physics class asked, as she walked by. Misa nodded, waving half-heartedly. Nariko glared at me. It wasn't hard to guess that she was thinking I was the lowliest male on earth for having made a girl cry. And Misa, of all people. How could anyone find her adorable? People at school doted on her, called her cute. Didn't anyone here have any real taste?

"Misa...I'm very sorry," I murmured kindly. "You can keep that, if you want." There was _no _way in _hell _was I putting Misa's snotty hankerchief in my pocket.

"You're so nice to me, Light," Misa sniffed, shoving the scrap of material into her bag and looking up at me from under her fringe. Didn't she notice how I ignored her most of the time? Did she honestly think I listened to her? And how many times I managed to escape her at lunch with help from Mitsu or Chikayo? What an idiot.

"You're a great friend, Misa. I should tell you that I'm going to...tell Chikayo and Mitsu...about L."  
"Oh. Would you like me to help?" she asked, concerned. I bit my lip. I was so unsure how to tell my two friends. Should I re-introduce L to them? They had only met him once and believed his name was Ryuzaki, the name Misa and I referred to him as in public. Should Misa come along with me to see them and help me break the news?

"Misa...I actually don't have any idea how to tell them," I admitted.

****

So, here's update No. 5 !! Hope you liked it! Now to stress how important you all are to me, I've left the ending of this chapter open...because I seriously don't know how Light should tell Chikayo and Mitsu. I need your help! It's gonna be one big competition, so whoever comes up with the best idea will get to be in Death Note Dreaming!! Well, you could find yourself in Light's class at school, with your very own encounter with L...Yay! So, crack your heads open and spill those ideas like yoke into this story I'm baking like a cake!! I can't continue without my beautiful readers! Oh the noes!!  
How to enter:

Write "Pick Me" at the top of your reveiw, so I know who's entering and who's just giving feedback.

Write "My Idea" and write down your idea.

Write "My Stats", so that means you'll have to enter the following things:

1. A name (Your own name, or a made up one if you really want)

2. Brief physical description (eyes, hair, skin tone, length of nose, glasses, you know, that kind of stuff)

3. Brief personality description (are you more like Misa, or more like L? Are you creepy? A book nerd? A fangirl? A goth? A smexy meglomanic?)

4. Any extras. Do you have a lisp? Do you have any tics or stutters? Do you carry anything around with you all the time? Are you really clumsy? Drink apple juice instead of milk?

**

So, make sure you get these ideas in to me as soon as you can, because I can't get the next update out until I get this feedback! I'll give you about two weeks...unless someone gets me a brilliant idea within five minutes that I can't resist typing up...So yeah, ASAP, people!!

If you don't have any ideas and you're just here for the reveiws, here's some DUN DUN DUN!!! AUTHOR QUESTIONS!!

1. Favourite scenes so far?

2. Favourite character so far?

3. What did you think of this chapter? The events were pretty boring, so I added in humour wherever I could.

4. Any ideas for the wedding? You're all very creative! And here's some heads up: L is going to wear his usual outfit with a bow tie. Anyone wanna make some fan art?

5. Any other ideas/comments/opinions/stuff I can improve??

And finally:

6. My latest stats taken from about two weeks ago are; 1,506 Hits / 919 Visitors / 38, 373 Words. Does anyone consider that any good?

Dang it, now I've just thought up more questions!!

7. Has anyone ever given their friends links to my story? How did you come across it? Just random "LxLight" search...?

8. I've also got another competition. I don't really like my summary of my story, so who can write me a beautiful new summary that could bring more people into reading it? Or is it good enough? Can we make banners for our summaries? Or is that just on that Harry Potter fanfic site with that castle background thing?

Alrighty, that's it for today!  
Lub yas!


	6. Chapter 6

I walked home, hands in my pockets, still wondering how I would tell two of my best friends that I was gay. Surely, that one would feel entirely comfortable telling their two closest friends anything...but maybe Chikayo and Mitsu weren't so close to me as I thought. Were they even accepting of gay people? The more I thought about it, the more distanced I felt from them. My life contained only L, and while I could be happy with just L, I knew he wanted me to have a life of my own, with others in it.  
I had always had friends, I was the most saught after yet most detatched boy in school, but I had never had close friends, _real _friends, and if I were to pick the ones I liked the most, it would be Chikayo and Mitsu. Did that make them my best friends?

Chikayo was cool, calm, collected and always ready for a laugh. He was an excellent listener, more of a follower than a leader, but was a demon I had trouble trying to keep up with on the tennis court.  
Mitsu could almost be his opposite, and was his cousin. How could I forget such a fact? Maybe it was because she was bossy, a leader, who talked too much sometimes, and was not afraid to show her affection. If she wanted something, she went for it and rarely gave up. After all, she had always made it clear she liked me as more than a friend, and even after Misa turned up, it hadn't been too much of a deterrent.

When Mitsu surrounded herself with chatty friends, and Chikayo was more content to laze back and sleep, they were the two I cared about most. Perhaps it was time that I showed them some trust, and in turn, perhaps they could learn to trust me, forging an even stronger friendship, one that I wouldn't ever doubt. And it was only right, wasn't it, that your closest friends knew this kind of a detail about you? I wasn't sure I needed the support...I had no problems, really, but I supposed they deserved the truth after hiding me from Misa so much and not asking exactly why I wanted to hide from her so often.

I had to show L I was capable of making friends on my own. That I had friends I could trust.

When I finally got home, I kicked my shoes off in the hallway, dropping my bag to the floor and made my way to the couch, before collapsing on it gratefully.

"Hey, Light. How was school?" Ryuk asked, grinning at me as he appeared through the wall. I shrugged moodily and used the remote to turn the television on, before flicking through the channels. I glanced at the shinigami, noticing how distracted he seemed.  
"What did you do this time?" I asked, pretending to be apathetic. Ryuk chuckled and held up a long, sharp finger, bidding me to be quiet, before a loud, heart-wrenching scream came from upstairs. I jumped off the couch in surprise, and heard pounding on the stairs before Matsuda came running in, a towel wrapped around his waist, having just stepped out of a shower. I stared.

"Matsuda...your hair..."  
"Light!" he cried, spotting me. "I'm not just seeing things, right?"  
"No, how did...?"  
"I just used my normal shampoo," Matsuda wailed. "I can't just suddenly get allergic to things, right? I look terrible! What am I going to do? I can't turn up to Headquarters looking like this! And I'll ruin your wedding photos. I can't go to a wedding looking like this!"

"We can just dye it back," I reasurred him, wondering how much peroxide Ryuk had put into the bottle. Matsuda's hair was a vibrant shade of orange with patches of blonde. "And our wedding isn't that big of a deal. It's not going to all perfect. You could turn up with blue hair and it wouldn't offend anyone."  
"Blue?" Matsuda moaned, tugging on his bronze locks. "I bet that'll be next."

"Huh?"  
"I think I'm going crazy," the detective admitted, eyes becoming filled with tears. Ryuk began to howl with laughter. I extended my arms, and the orange haired man stepped into them. The poor guy really needed a friend. "I keep thinking it's you and L playing tricks on me, and I've checked all the footage around myself whenever things go wrong, but I can't find anything! Well...sometimes I think I see things floating and apples disappearing in midair...but I know that's just stupid. It's crazy. I didn't want to tell anyone, Light, but I can't take much more of it."

"Matsuda...if I tell you something...will you keep it a secret...and not think I'm crazy?"

"Anything you say can't be crazy," Matsuda sniffed. What was with all the crying people today? I smiled fondly at him and led him to the kitchen, before pulling a spare apple I kept hidden in the very back of the freezer in case I should ever need one.

"Whenever these weird things happen to you, go get an apple, sit here in the kitchen and eat it. Make it real obvious, as if there's someone watching you. Savour it. Delight over it. Drool a fair bit. Say out loud how great it tastes. And from now on, don't buy any apples. If any grow on the apple tree in the back yard, go pick them before some animal does. And eat them. Can you do that, Matsuda? I promise things will settle down for you if you do. Oh, and red apples should work the best. Real juicy ones, too."

Ryuk's eyes (which were already overly large for his head) bulged even further. "Light? Hey, Light, what're you doing? What kind of ideas are you putting in his head? Hey, Light, I'm talking to you! Answer me! Come on, this is crazy talk, don't tell Matsuda that!"

"Really?" Matsuda asked, taking the offered apple from me. I nodded. Matsuda took a hesitant bite before wrinkling his nose. "It's all frozen." A cackle escaped the shinigami's lips.  
"Well, if you don't want to eat it, just go rub it in the dirt, then," I encouraged him, smirking at Ryuk who flew to the glass door leading to the back yard, as if trying to block it. Matsuda simply passed through the shinigami and did as I instructed.  
"No..." Ryuk squeaked, heart broken as Matsuda defiled the fruit.  
"Are you going to behave now?" I asked quietly, watching Matsuda with him. The Shinigami helplessly nodded, before his lips twisted into something that slightly resembled a horrible, slightly upside-down, hopeful smile.  
"Though I can still play pranks on him _sometimes, _can't I? Just to break the boredom?"

"Yeah, alright. To vent your frustration. But don't forget that for every prank you pull is one apple down the drain. And I'll tell him that if you behave, if no pranks are pulled on him, to leave an apple out on the counter for you. As a reward."  
"You...are really...evil," Ryuk hissed, eyes narrowing. "You're the worst person ever, Kira."

"Well, I hope you enjoy a lack of apples," I yawned, stretching. "Is L home?"  
"Why should I tell _you_?" he sneered.

"Because I won't even bother to mention the reward system to Matsuda if you don't tell me."  
"Can't you just yell out and find out for yourself?"

"I suppose." I left the shinigami watching as Matsuda began to throw the frozen apple around, kicking it and stomping on it enthusiastically. What a strange, orange haired man. L wasn't home yet, so I did my homework and helped Matsuda cook dinner until my lover returned home. After a meal, and after Matsuda had gone to bed, looking very self-satisfied, L and I retreated to the backyard to look up at the stars for a while. The story of Matsuda's strange hair colour and Ryuk's punishment of no apples amused him, as he held me from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder, breath warm on my neck. I leaned into him, pressed myself against him, moulding my back to him. L's arms tightened around my waist, as if to pull me impossibly closer.

I explained to him how I had informed Misa of our wedding, and had yet to tell Mitsu and Chikayo. L listened quietly, before kissing my neck softly. "You've got plenty of time, I suppose. Of course, I've set a date for the end of the month, when Watari, Mello, Matt and Near can attend."  
"Mello...Matt and Near?"  
"Mmn...Watari sort of...ran an orphanage, sort of for bright minds. If I'm the most intelligent, then Near is second and Mello is third. Matt is fourth, but he really doesn't care much about anything. Except, perhaps Mello, whom he is partners with, in a way."

"...Partners?"  
"Not like you and I," L smiled into my neck. "They work together. Matt is like Mello's side-kick. And Mello, the most brash, sassy young man you'll ever meet...of course, he has...somewhat of an inferiority complex, he loathes that he's second best to Near. Near holds nothing but respect and somewhat likes Mello, despite Mello destesting the boy."  
"Boy?"  
"Near is a boy genius. He's...very fond of imitating me, he looks up to me, as do the rest of the minds at Wammy House, Watari's orphanage. Mmn...you'll meet them all eventually, and you can make your own opinions and assumptions about them. Just don't expect to beat Matt on any computer game, and don't ever challenge Mello to anything. He gets so worked up about everything. And Near...well...he is odd. Even for my standards." My odd lover chuckled and kissed my hair softly before pulling a lollipop out of his pocket and unwrapping it. Together, still gazing up at the stars, we made short work of the candy, before climbing into bed, where I fell asleep in my favourite place in the whole world...In L's arms.

***

I opened my eyes, wondering groggily what had woken me. I glanced at the alarm clock on the beside table. Too early to get up yet. I let out a muffled moan into the pillow, before reaching out for L. My fingers met empty sheets, and I frowned, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. "L?"

I listened carefully and heard the sound of water running in the bathroom. I smiled to myself and got out of bed, pulled off my sweatpants and padded into the bathroom, where L was washing himself in the shower, his back to me. I stepped into the shower and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face between his shoulderblades, smiling as I planted a kiss there. L jumped in surprise at first, having not heard me, but quickly warmed to me.

"Good morning, beautiful," he smiled, turning around to hug me close, giving me a kiss. I wrinkled my nose as I noticed my own morning breath compared to his freshly brushed teeth. It was also a little surprise to taste the mint, having expected the usual sweetness. He kissed my brow and smiled down at me, before resting his forehead against mine, eyes closed, smile still playing on his lips. "Mmn...I can't believe we're getting married," he whispered, his soft voice sending a shiver down my spine. His arms tightened even further around me.

"Lawliet, I love you," I beamed. He brought his lips to mine, and brushed against them softly for a moment, before deepening it, urging my lips to open. I eagerly did so, inviting his tongue to dance against my own. He moaned, chest rumbling with the delicious sound as he nipped my bottom lip, teased it, caught my lip between his own. "Light," he breathed, beginning to shift around me, hand trailing up and down my spine, his hips beginning to move against my own.

"Lawliet..." I sighed, my skin erupting in gooseflesh as he brushed my chest lightly with his fingertips, and captured a nipple, rubbing it until I let out a groan, heat flooding between my legs. L smiled against my lips, feeling my need between us grow. His hands seemed to be everywhere, running through my hair, slick with the water, at my hips, pulling me closer, brushing against the curves of my ribs, his lips moving to my throat, along my collarbone, inhaling the scent of my hair, tasting my breath. I could not tell where one touch ended and another began. I could not tell if he stroked the back of my neck first, or if he explored the length of my arm first or perhaps my arms wrapping around his neck came before that.  
L pressed me up against the tiles, making me gasp, my chest connecting with the cool tiles, my burning, erect nipples reacting to the icy temperature. L tugged on my hair, nipping my shoulder, our moans echoing, filling the small room. Slowly, he entered me, his member coated with water. The heat seemed to be intensified without our usual lubrication, or perhaps the heat was generated by the spine-tingling stretching of my passage, a burning that made me groan for more. L pulsed within me, our lovemaking slow and lingering, his passonate lips locked against my skin, face burying into the back of my hair, as we rocked together.  
"Lawliet," I gasped as he filled me, my own orgasm making my legs tremble. His arms held me up as my knees threatened to let me fall, and cradled me as tears formed in my eyes at the feelings that welled up within me.

"Mmn...Light," he whispered, panting ever so softly, shoulders quivering as my arms wrapped around them, my lips searching blindly for his own.  
"Marry me now," I murmured against his lips. "I want to be your husband. Your uke."

"Don't you want to be seme anymore?" L teased gently, brushing my soaking bangs back. I blinked against the falling water as I looked into his dark, loving eyes, two pools of ebony I had lost myself in.

"I want you in every way," I murmured, before kissing his chin. "I'll be seme one day. Just you wait."

"We'll see," he snorted, before turning off the water and wrapping me in a towel. "It's probably time that you started getting ready for school, don't you think?"

"Probably," I admitted grumpily, wrapping the towel around my waist and striding into our bedroom and pulling out my clothes. "For our wedding, what are you going to wear?"

"What I always wear," L replied simply, holding up a pair of his jeans. I rolled my eyes.  
"Can't you be a little more creative?" I asked, with a little sigh, feeling much like a chiding uke.

"What are you going to wear then?" he queried, pulling on his familiar long sleeved shirt.  
"Mmn, Mother wanted to buy me a new suit. A tux, she was thinking, but if you're not going to even dress up a little, I may as well wear my usual school outfit..." I trailed off, starting to feel angry and quite a little hurt.

"Light..." L sighed, pulling up his jeans with a little difficulty. I rolled my eyes and strode over to help him, pulling his jeans up past his thighs and to his hips before doing up the fly for him. I quickly left him, my hands shaking with my internal suffering. I was not going to be upset. Just angry. I wasn't going to cry like a dumb kid.

"Light, look at me," L said softly. I continued to refuse, retying my tie a few times, unable to get it perfect. "Light, please."  
"Why?" I snapped, throwing my tie furiously onto the bed. I let him approach me and encircle his arms around my waist, his cool lips touching my hot neck. I looked away, so he wouldn't see my tears. It was no use, as I saw L examining my face in the mirror. I glowered at him.  
"Why are you upset, Light? Is it because I don't intend to wear a suit to our wedding?" he asked, resting his chin delicately upon my shoulder, eyes large in the glass, black and totally fathomless.

"Are you even taking this wedding seriously?" I asked, unable to look him in the eye. "Is it just a joke to you?"  
"Would you like me to tell you why I don't intend to change my attire?" L asked me. He told me anyway. "I am what I am, Light, and that is what you're marrying. You are who you are, you are bred for success, you are well groomed and I want nothing more than to see you walk the aisle with me wearing a fine suit. I don't believe you could look better in anything else...In anything appropriate, that is. And I...a suit is not me, Light. Can you see me able to constrict myself in such a way?"  
"I thought it was going to be special. And you're just wearing the same jeans you wear everyday."  
"My honey, don't worry about it," he crooned in my ear. "What I wear is uninportant. If clothes are representative of oneself, than I cannot wear a suit. I will wear my normal attire. I am not L in anything else...do you understand that?"  
If he put it that way...if he wasn't L in anything else...perhaps he was right...  
"Yeah, I guess," I murmured, my heart resting. He kissed my cheek.  
"It will be the best day of my life, Light. I promise."

"Lawliet..."  
"Yes, Light?"  
"I just wanted to say your name...I love it," I flushed.  
"Oh," he laughed, letting me go. "I'm glad you do. I love your name, as well. It describes you without flaw...my Light." He reached for my tie and wrapped it around my neck, tucking it neatly beneath my collar before tying it perfectly first go. "Now, have fun at school." He pecked my lips, leaving me to stare into the mirror, the worries of a new day greeting me.

***

Talking about the wedding this morning only increased my desire to talk about it even more. As I sat in class, I scribbled out a list of plans. We would need a venue. Perhaps we could do up the back yard with fairy lights everywhere? And roses? I didn't think I'd feel too comfortable doing it in a public place.  
Food. I could ask Matsuda to bake us a wedding cake...and just ask everyone to bring a plate of food. There weren't many of us anyway, we didn't need much. There would be L and I, Matsuda, Mother and Father, Sayu, Near, Mello, Matt and Watari. Hopefully Mitsu and Chikayo...I had yet to sort out that kink...Would L invite taskforce? Perhaps he had colleagues he was inviting but hadn't yet told me about? Oh, and Misa. Ryuk and Rem didn't count.

Flowers...? I always imagined a wedding to be filled with flowers, all white. Should we have a colour theme with the decorations? If we were going to do this in the backyard, the least we could do would be to put up streamers and move the chairs into the backyard and construct a make-shift aisle, so we could tie ribbons to the chairs and scatter flower petals everywhere...or was that just screaming 'gay'?  
I gave a sigh and rested my chin in my palm. It was too hard to plan without L. If Mitsu knew, she would be so thrilled to help us out...if she knew...and accepted it. I looked up from my desk to see Mitsu sitting in her usual place to my right, Chikayo behind me. How was I going to tell them? This was driving me insane. Worry had taken permanant residence in my gut, twisting and squirming within me.

"Light...you look worried about something," Mitsu noted, looking at me. I gave her a half-hearted smile, waving her off, before delving into my textbook to escape the fear of the unknown. When the class ended, I snuck off into the library, to the more abandoned aisles where I could have some privacy.

I spotted a girl from one of my classes sitting ontop of a step ladder in one of the empty aisles, dark hair falling over her face, as she wrote furiously into a journal of some kind. I tried to sneak past, but the shuffle of my feet alerted me to her presence. "Light," she murmured, looking up.  
"Oh, hey, Enah," I smiled weakly. "I was just walking by." What a stupid thing to say. Just walking by...in the library? She gave me a puzzled smile, before brushing her hair back over her ear, my eyes noticing the way she had dyed the tips of her bangs red. I had never had the desire to colour my hair, and I suspected that if I ever did, L would have a complete hissy fit. He was fond of my honey coloured hair, often kissing it as if he hoped it tasted like real honey. I had suspected that when he had began to use the honey scented shampoo to wash my hair.

What was I hoping to do in here? To escape Misa, knowing that if I talked to the overly-hyper girl she would bring up the question of how I would tell Mitsu and Chikayo. I couldn't be with those two without those thoughts swirling around in my gut. I didn't want to be alone though, knowing that being alone allowed me to think. And thinking lately wasn't getting me anywhere.

"So...what're you doing?" I asked, thinking that she wouldn't be bad company. We had been lab partners once in junior school, I guess we were just different people and had drifted off with our different crowds.

"I'm...releasing some stress," she told me with a shy little laugh. "I've been getting so annoyed with some people lately...so I write their names in my journal and try to think of the millions of different ways to kill them."

I stared at her in amazement, before beginning to walk over. "May I take a look?"

"Sure," she said, holding up the diary. I could see the page where she had written the name of someone and had began to make a list. I could see nothing strange about the book, touching the paper and the lack of a shinigami appearing confirmed it wasn't a Death Note of some kind. She had just come up with this little game on her own, to vent out her frustrations, like a voodoo doll of some kind. Also, the way she had openly allowed me to hold the book showed that there was nothing to hide about it. Well...perhaps not to me. I wasn't sure how Yoshiko Yanataka would react if she ever saw how she was going to drown in a pool of her own vomit and trip over and break her nose on the edge of a door. I smiled, noting how creative these "deaths" were. I had never been so creative...I hadn't really had the chance to be so, after all, as Kira, heart attacks were my symbol, my name tag.

"You know, it almost makes me feel like Kira, punishing those that I feel are doing wrong," Enah told me with a grin, pushing her dark glasses back over her hazel coloured eyes.

"You're a Kira supporter?" I asked, mind spinning, hand itching. She nodded, a tinge of pink forming across the pale planes of her face. I smiled to reassure her and held out my hand.

"May I have a turn at this?" I asked. "I have some frustration I'd like to vent out."

"Sure," she nodded, passing me her pen. I turned to the next page and began to write, feeling very possessed, the delicious feeling of power welling up within me.

_Amane Misa_

_Dies of natural causes leaving no suspicion to others of any foul play or supernatural interference at 6p.m. _

I almost expected it to become real, to see things happen, but of course, this was not my Death Note. This was just an ordinary little diary. I gave a tight smile and handed it back, feeling foolish for even having believed for a moment that all my problems would be over. Misa would be dead and I would be left alone with just L. But I wasn't Kira anymore. Doing this...had made me feel so alive again...but yet so dirty for having done it, as if I'd betrayed L in a way. I would not do this again. Ever.

"You want to kill Misa? Isn't she your girlfriend?" Enah asked, surprised, looking down at what I had written. I bowed my head slightly, leaning against a book shelf, letting my hair cover my eyes.  
"Actually, she's not. She's just pretending to be," I told her. Enah had always been good to talk to, and always kept secrets, as if she forgot them the moment she heard them. Her eyes looked closely at me, and I noticed how they were lined in black. Eyeliner? She had always been one for the gothic side, but of course, with a school uniform, there was little she could do to feed her habit for wearing elegant dark clothes. "You see, I'm actually..."  
"Can I guess?" she asked, with a little grin. "And if I'm wrong, don't get upset."

"Okay," I snorted.

"Alright...you're actually gay and she's just pretending to be your girlfriend so no one suspects."

I stared at her in amazement yet again. "Yeah."

Her face filled with surprise. "What? I'm right? You're gay? I was just joking."

"Well, it's true," I told her, running my fingers along the spine of a thick book. "I've got a boyfriend, but everyone just assumed I had a girlfriend, and everyone just assumed it was Misa, so she decided to play along."

"Well...I always thought it was really weird," Enah admitted. "Not that I stalk you, but...well, you know that everyone is always talking about you, but I thought it was strange that you always seemed to be avoiding her and you never really talked to her, almost like you didn't want to be with her at all. Of course, I've only told three other people about how I thought it was strange, but they all said that of course you like her, because you've kissed her in front of everyone before, and she's completely head over heels. No one's ever seen you have a partner before, so maybe that's just the way you act."

"Well...being gay isn't easy."  
"Why not?"  
"I don't want anyone to judge me," I admitted. "I can't even tell Mitsu and Chikayo because I'm just so scared of what they'll think."  
"It's just sexual preference. Who really cares?"  
"Obviously not you. I'm surprised you don't. I was kind of telling you in hopes to get some practise so I could tell them."

"It's only a big deal if you make it one," she told me, smiling. I rolled my eyes, and tugged on my tie.

"He's asked me to marry him, which is why I want to tell Chikayo and Mitsu...I want them to come to our wedding," I explained, not looking at her.

"That's wonderful," she said lightly, clapping her hands together with delight. "How did he ask you? Was it romantic?"

"Um, actually he just sort of said it," I told her, scratching the back of my neck awkwardly. "We were buying an anniversary present for my parents and that was how it came up. But I think he'd been thinking about it for a while, from his arguement."

"Arguement?"  
"Well...I couldn't really see the point why we would get married if it wouldn't mean anything legally. But _we_ would know, in our hearts, we'd be married...We just wanted the ceremony to show our friends and family that we've made that commitment."

"That's sweet," Enah sighed dreamily. "Are you going to be the bride or...?"  
"No," I said stubbornly. "I'm wearing a suit, and he told me this morning that he's just going to wear jeans and a white shirt like always."  
"What's his name? Does anyone know him?"  
"...His name is Ryuzaki."

"Ryuzaki? Rolls off the tongue quite nicely."

"Enah...how can I tell them? Mitsu and Chikayo?" I asked, beseeching her with my eyes. Enah shrugged, unsure.  
"I don't really know. I don't know Mitsu and Chikayo that well, though if it were me, I'd tell them one on one. Why don't you spend some time with them after school and find a good moment to tell them?"

"I guess. There's just no real ideal moment to blurt out that I'm gay."

"Mmn, you're right. But if you need help, I'll be right here," she smiled. I warmed to her.  
"Thanks, Enah," I told her gratefully.

"You're welcome, Light."  
"Uh...Enah?"  
"Yes, Light?"  
"Would you...would you like to come to my wedding?" The more friends I had there, the better. L couldn't possibly think I was a total loner.

Enah's face had lit up with excitement. "Really? Can I? That's great, Light! Thank you! I'd love to go!"

"I'll let you know when it's on. We haven't quite planned it all out yet," I smiled, glad she was so enthusiastic. It went without saying that she would remain silent about my secret. Her happiness was contageous and I found myself feeling a lot braver as I spoke to Chikayo, waiting for our next class to start.

"Hey, Chikayo, do you want to go play tennis after school? If you don't have anything to do?" I asked. He shrugged, ruffling his red-brown hair.  
"Well, I was going to take Lani to the park. I promised," Chikayo told me, unsure. "You can come if you want."

Lani was Chikayo's younger sister, and her full name was Lanikeyoka, named after a mountain her parents had gone to for their honeymoon. I'd never met anyone more odd than her...except perhaps L. Lani had some kind of personality disorder or something, and had turrets, resulting in her having a tic where she would twitch involentarily. Chikayo adored her more than anyone, he was the most perfect brother. He defended her against the world, and she had him wrapped around her little finger. Chikayo was the only person Lani really cared about, was the only person she would talk to, if she said anything to anyone else, it was nothing civil.

"I haven't seen Lani in ages, it'd be good to see her again," I smiled, remembering the last time I had spent time with her. I had been sitting on the couch and she had just approached me, eyes emotionless as she tipped a glass of milk upon my pants. I had jumped up with a cry, and she had only looked up at me, eyes watching my reaction curiously, but unremorseful.

I looked forward to spending time with that strange little girl, hoping she would distract me from the itch in my hand and the strong desire to immerse myself in the media, looking at the names and faces of criminals.

***

"Chikayo, Chikayo," Lani chirped mostly to herself, crouched in the gutter as Chikayo and I walked her to the playground.

"What have you got there, Lani?" Chikayo asked the purple-haired girl, his voice so gentle and caring, a voice he reserved just for Lani. Her hair was purple today, instead of its usual white-blonde, as apparently she had put purple food colouring through it today, resulting in the pale purple shade. It would wash out easily enough, yet the shade seemed to match her ivory pale skin and her reddish-brown eyes. The only looks that Chikayo and Lani shared was the heart-shaped face and the round chin, as she was pale and blonde, Chikayo tan and his hair the colour of her eyes because they had different fathers but the same mother. Chikayo's father was still alive, and visited twice a year or so, but otherwise had little to do with his son.

Lani looked up at us, revealing the dark shadows beneath them, showing how she suffered from mild insomnia, almost like L. She pointed to something in a gutter, face blank.  
"Chikayo, look," she pointed. We looked over her to see a half-decayed cat lying there, typical roadkill.  
"Poor kitty, look, its all dead," Chikayo murmured, taking her hand. "Come on, Lani, let's leave it alone. It'll make you sick."

Lani gave two little coughs and smiled up at him, eyes large. Chikayo smiled back. Maybe I shouldn't have come with them. I was convinced that if I walked off now, Chikayo wouldn't notice. He was devoted to Lani, gave her all his attention. I had to admit, I was a little jealous of her. I almost laughed. I could imagine if Chikayo ever had a girlfriend, that she would get so jealous of the way he would forever love his little sister more than anybody else.

No, I decided. I wouldn't tell Chikayo today.

***

When I arrived home, it was late, and L had gone to bed for a change. He slept only because I supposedly tired him out, so it was a change for him to go to bed of his own accord without any interference from me. Matsuda was sitting in the kitchen, eating an icecream, his hair returned to normal.  
"Hey, Light," he smiled. "How was your day?"

"Not bad," I answered, pouring myself a glass of water. "I'm pretty tired, I've been running after Chikayo's little sister all afternoon playing tag."

"Light, speaking of relatives...well...I have a nephew, and apparently he's gone off the rails a bit at home. I don't suppose he could stay here for a while, to straighten him out a bit?"  
"Well, you're better off speaking to L about it but I don't mind. I didn't know you were an uncle," I commented, gulping the cool liquid. Matsuda grimaced.

"My second oldest sister," he explained. "I'm the youngest of five and I'm the only boy."  
That explained a few things about Matsuda.

"So, when is he coming?" I asked, refilling my glass. Matsuda shrugged.

"I don't know. My sister just rang me at work today and wanted me to look after him for a few weeks and straighten him out. Apparently he's been wagging school and hanging out with the wrong crowd."

"A few weeks? I'd say a few months. You're not exactly one for laying out rules and stuff...I wouldn't listen to you," I said, watching as his icecream dripped into his lap, his attention focused on me. "How old is he?"

"Your age. I was going to get him enrolled at your school so he doesn't miss out on anything else. I figured it was a good idea, because you're a great role model and all..."

"Oh, great," I said, faking enthusiasm for the too-innocent Matsuda. I didn't want to have to babysit. I was a teenager myself, not an adult like Matsuda was supposed to be. I watched, unimpressed as the young detective only just noticed the puddles of icecream on his lap and began to wipe it off with his already sticky paw. I barely contained a snort of fond amusement, and bid him goodnight.

I found L fast asleep in our bed, mouth open and drooling slightly. I smiled at him, and went to have a shower before crawling into bed beside him. The soft lull of his snoring put me to sleep.

***

"What?" Mitsu cried, drawing attention to herself. "Are you serious?"

"It's true," Rumiko said firmly, nodding her head furiously. "I heard it from Tamika."  
"No way are they going out," Mitsu declared, eyes wide. "Kairi, what do you think?"

The green eyed girl looked up from her book, raising her brow in question. "Think of what?"

"Haven't you been listening?" Rumiko asked, looking slightly offended. Oh, how I wanted to punch that girl in the face. Her, with her stupid inch-thick lipgloss and hair full of ribbons. How I wanted to tell Rumiko not to even bother wearing the amount of makeup she did, it did nothing for her. Next to Mitsu and Kairi, Rumiko was something that had crawled up out of the dump. I preferred the casual approach of Kairi Matsumoto, with her brown hair pulled into a simple ponytail. Practical. Smart. A classic bookish type, whose head was probably off in the clouds more often than not, but someone whose company I enjoyed. She was one of Mitsu's closest friends, my favourite out of Mitsu's group of friends because of her unintentional kindness. It was actually because I wanted Kairi to help me with my assignment that I was even here, sitting umongst Mitsu's group of friends.

"Light, can I write on this to edit it?" Kairi asked, holding up a red pen. I nodded, urging her to go ahead.  
"I think I've got most of my references right," I told her, stretching, enjoying the sun on my skin. "My bibliography was the hardest, because I forgot to reference some of my facts."

"I hate writing bibliographies," Kairi agreed, green eyes sparkling with amusement. "Or let me rephrase; I hate assignments in general."

I laughed, and felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head, expecting to see Misa, and nearly cried out in surprise. L stood there, grinning crookedly at me. "I thought I would bring you your lunch. Misa has a flu at the moment, so I decided to bring you a bento. Matsuda helped me make it."

"Oh, thanks," I said awkwardly, taking the offered box, praying he wouldn't do anything suggestive. Like kissing me. Touching me. Looking at me in a way only a lover would.

"Hey, Ryuzaki," Mitsu smiled, waving to L. L smiled back.

"Hello, Mitsu."

"Is Misa okay?" Mitsu asked.

"She's fine, though severly upset that she can't see Light, but I would not allow her to come here and make you all sick," L explained, a smug look in the set of his face. I wanted to chuckle, but my stomach was writhing with nerves too much to make anything but a slight grimace.

"How do you know Misa and Light?" Rumiko asked, obviously looking for some kind of gossip, trying to suss out our relationship.

"I'm Light's roommate," L told her calmly, not speaking at all of Misa. He was telling the truth, in a way. We did share a room together.  
"...Ryuzaki," I said, struggling not to call him 'L', "I need to...talk to you...in private. Will you come for a walk?"  
"Of course," he smiled, giving me my space. I led him away, taking him to the library and found an abandoned aisle. I had almost expected to see Enah haunting the place, but she was nowhere in sight.

"Did you really have to come here?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck, his settling around my waist and holding me close. He kissed my forehead, his skin warm from the sun.

"I wanted to see you," he said stubbornly, kissing my temple. "I always want to see you. Today, I couldn't resist. And I didn't want you to starve."  
"Half the time I just buy my lunch and chuck Misa's in the bin," I grimaced, buring my face into his chest.

"That's a waste of food, Light," he chided, stroking my hair, before placing a finger underneath my chin and lifting it, to bring my lips to his. His tongue caressed the length of my bottom lip, before he kissed my chin. "I'll see you this afternoon. I'll be here to pick you up, because we're going to go shopping for wedding rings. Though...you haven't told Mitsu or Chikayo yet, so perhaps I should punish you and go alone."

"L," I protested, biting my lip, watching his own lips twist in amusement. He ran his fingers through my hair and released me.

"I'll see you this afternoon, at the front gates," he said, a hint of warning in his voice that if I was late, he really would go alone. He gave me a tight smile before leaving me. I exhaled noisily and leaned against the bookshelf, folding my arms, thinking hard.

***

"Who is it you want us to meet?" Mitsu asked again.

"You'll see," I ground out, heart thumping so hard in my chest I was sure if I pulled my shirt back a bruise would be revealed. Chikayo followed behind, unable to hide his grin of amusement, seeing how agitated I was and how pestering Mitsu was. He was just as curious, but he was content to just let things unfold. He was patient, unlike Mitsu.

All I had told my two friends was that I wanted them to meet someone if they had any time after school today, and had breathlessly apologised for the sudden declaration. Neither (I wasn't sure if it was a miracle or my doom) of my two friends had any other place to be and had agreed, mostly out of curiosity to meet this mysterious person whom I had offered no information about.

I spotted L leaning against the school gates, sucking on a lollipop. My heart skipped a whole drum solo. "Isn't that Ryuzaki?" Mitsu asked, noticing who we were headed towards. I clenched my jaw and nodded stiffly, leading them towards him. He turned lazily around, his eyes falling upon us. I watched as they widened, taking in Mitsu and Chikayo with me.

I marched out of the gates, L joining our group silently, letting me lead the way to my favourite coffee shop. Mitsu didn't fall silent, instead, chattered on to L about everything and everyone. L only had to nod and offer a few short words to encourage her.

I was dreading this moment. I paused at the door, breathing hard, trying hard to calm myself, not to panic. L and Mitsu headed inside of the coffee shop, but Chikayo paused, his cool eyes examining my face closely, warily. He hid how troubled he was very well, I noticed.

"Are you okay, Light?" he asked, reaching out to cup my cheek, turning my face into the light better. I flinched and nodded hurriedly.

"Let's just get inside and order some coffee," I told him, taking a few deep breaths. He nodded after a moment and followed me inside. L and Mitsu sat in a booth, waiting for us. I made my order, and took my place sitting beside L, Mitsu and Chikayo sitting opposite us. L reached for my hand under the table and gave it a comforting squeeze. I reminded myself that once this was over, we would go shopping for wedding rings. I had to earn them by doing this.

There was an awkward silence, Mitsu unable to think of anything to say until our coffee arrived, and I took a deep gulp of it, scalding my tongue. I took a final breath, and looked my two friends in the eye.

"You two should know something. This isn't Ryuzaki," I announced. I looked at my hands. "Mitsu, Chikayo, this is the famous detective L. The one leading the Kira investigation."

"Huh?" Mitsu managed, confused. Chikayo raised a brow.

"Light is correct," L said gently. "I am L. I only go by the name of Ryuzaki in public, or rather, it is one of my many aliases. I can provide you with some proof, if you wish."  
"Uh, okay," Mitsu said, dumbstruck.

L dug out his wallet and passed it to her. She and Chikayo rumaged through a handful of cards, obviously some fake, some sporting actual proof that he was from the investigation. I didn't watch them, intead I watched the steam roll off of my beverage, and when I did finally allow myself to look up, Mitsu was on the verge of squealing with excitement, and Chikayo was showing a mix of confusion, amazement, awe and skepticism. Nothing more than what I expected from them. At this point, perhaps.

"I would ask that you continue to refer to me as Ryuzaki in public," L requested, tucking his wallet away. My two friends nodded.

"I can't believe this," Mitsu burst, a broad grin upon her rosy lips. "This is so amazing! I can't believe I know the real L! How do you know Light? This is just too amazing!"  
"Do you really have to ask?" I groaned. "My father is on the taskforce with Ryuzaki."  
"It was my close involvement with Light's father that brought me into contact with Light," L acknowleged, giving her a slight smile. I looked at Chikayo to see him staring at his own fists which were clenched fists on the table, knuckles white.

"Chikayo..." I murmured, heart leaping into my throat. His eyes met mine, asking.

"You're not...How can you be...?" he near mouthed, unable to find his voice. He was very fast. How could I possibly be friends with L, the world's greatest detective? And he knew that I wasn't living with Misa, but I had moved in with _someone. _With L. And why would I do such a thing? Chikayo wasn't stupid. He could figure things out. He knew I tried to avoid Misa and never asked why. He knew I had a close relationship with L, after all, the one time they had met, I had asked L to take me home as I had felt sick. Chikayo could only have assumed at the time that L was just my transportation, not the one with whom I shared my home...shared my life.

"Mitsu, Chikayo, I want to confess, come clean about...who I am to you." I took a deep breath and looked them both in the eye, before looking down at the table.. "I don't know how to say this. I've been trying to tell you for so long now...I'm gay."

There was a long silence. Mitsu looked stunned, but Chikayo's face showed that his thoughts were confirmed. I lifted my chin, hardening my heart against the fear of rejection. "I'm not with Misa. I'm with L."

"What? Really? Wow!" Mitsu burst. "That's so unbelievable! So, Misa was pretending to be your girlfriend this whole time, so nobody would think you were...?"

I nodded, looking at Chikayo who was sitting there quietly. His eyes met mine, but they were unreadable. Finally, he reached for his drink and swallowed the lot in one go, then began to cough, eyes watering. The coffee here was served very hot. "I wasn't expecting this," he admitted, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "This is...kind of crazy."  
"How come you didn't trust us?" Mitsu asked, pouting. "So, this whole time when you were always saying no to me and all of those other girls, it was just because you were gay?"

I nodded, and gave a small, embarrassed smile. L chuckled softly into his sweet tea. He spoke. "I asked Light to marry me, and we would like to invite you both to our wedding."

"Wow. You guys are really serious," Mitsu grinned, resting her chin on her palm dreamily. "How sweet! I'd love to go to your wedding." She turned her face to Chikayo, eyebrows fixing themselves, her lips setting into a forced smile. "What about you, Chikayo? You'd love to go, too, don't you?"

"Sure," my friend muttered, looking into his empty mug. "I think I'll go order some more coffee. Anyone else want any more?"

"Uh, no," I declined, deciding not to make a point that everyone else had barely started on their drinks. He made to stand, then sat firmly back down. "Uh...?" I questioned.

"I don't feel thirsty," he shrugged, running his fingers through his hair. "This is so unreal."

"Tell me about it," I muttered, watching L pour more sugar into his tea.

"Light!"

I turned to see Sayu with a group of her friends. She smiled broadly and skipped over, pulling me into a hug, before wrapping her arms around L, Mitsu and Chikayo. "I haven't seen any of you in a while," she beamed. "Especially you, Light. You should come over for dinner more often, Mother would like that. And L, too."

"It's Ryuzaki," I reminded her, wanting to groan as her friends began to approach us.  
"Light just told us about Ryuzaki," Mitsu grinned at my little sister. Sayu raised her brow at me.  
"What? Oh, come on, Light, don't tell me your friends haven't known all this time."

"Nope." I took a sip of my coffee, pulling a bitter face.

"Some friend you are," Sayu retorted, placing her hands on her hips childishly. "I could have told them for you, if you wanted."

"I wanted to do it myself," I grumbled. L smiled and ruffled my hair before kissing my temple. He made to speak, but Chikayo had almost fallen off his chair, nose wrinkled.  
"Oh god, this is way too weird," my friend groaned, covering his face with his hands. I laughed humourlessly and tried not to blush.

"Oh, come on, Chikayo, you're going to have to get used to it," Mitsu scowled. "They're getting married."

"Yeah," Sayu agreed, hiding a smile of amusement. "Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but my friends are here and all..."

"It was great to see you again, I guess we'll see you at the wedding," Mitsu smiled at her. Sayu nodded and waved.  
"Bye! And don't forget to come over for dinner sometime, Light...Ryuzaki."

"Of course, and you must come over for dinner at our place," L smiled back, sipping his tea politely, making Chikayo groan again. L smirked and kissed my cheek, just to see how uncomfortable it made Chikayo. Mitsu seemed delighted.

***

"I can't believe how well they handled it," I told L as we lay in bed together that night. L made an agreeable noise. "I mean, I don't know exactly what I expected, but it went so well, I'm almost expecting something terrible to happen. Things can't be so perfect like this."

In the end, L and I hadn't gone to look at rings, instead Mitsu had insisted we spend the rest of the afternoon together, even if Chikayo had been silent and watchful the whole time, completely weirded out.

"Would you like me to distract you from your brooding?"

"How could you possibly do that?" I smiled playfully.

"I can think of a few things," he moaned into my ear, chest rumbling with the noise. He breathed into my ear and nipped it lightly with his teeth, rolling onto his side, throwing his thigh over me, so my hip was pressed tightly between his legs. I sighed, shivering, forgetting quite quickly about what I had been thinking about. I tilted my head, wanting L's lips against my own. He complied, sucking on my lower lip, moving his leg slightly so it rubbed against my member.

"Ah..." I breathed, as his hand slipped under my shirt to fondle my nipples. "Mmn...Lawliet," I breathed.

"Say it again," he murmured against my lips, rubbing against me harder.

"Lawliet," I moaned, rewarded with his kiss. "Ah...Mmn...Lawliet...Ah! There!" His fingers brushed against my nipples with the perfect pressure, making me arch into him. My erect member felt terribly constrained by my sweatpants, and I wiggled, wanting them off. Why didn't I ever do as L did and just wear nothing at all to bed?  
L got onto his knees, throwing the blankets onto the floor, chest heaving with his hard breathing, eyes at half-mast with lust, revealing us. He pulled my pants to my ankles and impatiently lowered himself onto me, burying his face into my neck, sucking and nipping on the skin there. I managed to kick one leg free of my constraining pants and hooked my legs around his waist, wanting friction. I was hungry for him, needed him. I pulled on his hair and ran my fingers along his back, digging my nails in when his nipples brushed my own. He repeated the action, grinning at my gasps, making me sweat. He kissed down my chest, past my abdomen, to my navel. My stomach muscles clenched and unclenched tightly as he ran his hot tongue along my belly. I cried out, my erection rubbing against his hard chest. He reached his hand down between my legs to roll my balls in his hand gently. I moaned, bucking, wanting him, wanting him to do many things to me.  
I did my best to reach over to the bedside table for the lubricant, my eyes off of him for a moment. Something hot and wet engulfed my engorged member, making my eyes screw tight and teeth grit as pleasure shot through me. He sucked hard, making me writhe.

"Ah! L!" I groaned through my gritted teeth, able to grab the lubricant as he settled into a rythm. My eyes were shut as I squirted the cool liquid onto my fingers, getting some onto my hot stomach, making me cry out, L's hands pressing my hips down to ensure I didn't buck. I felt my way past his moving head and found my entrance, rubbing the liquid in, before pressing a finger through, gasping. It felt so different than from when L did it, but it wasn't unpleasant, just different. I lubed myself, unable to help myself from rubbing in time to him, but finally couldn't handle any more. If he didn't stop, I would come far too early. I knew he would not protest and would swallow all I gave him, but I wanted him inside me, wanted him to have pleasure as my seme.

"L, stop," I panted. "I'm...ready...L, please..."

His mouth released me, and he repositioned himself between my legs. I hooked them around him once more, and gasped with him as he entered me. He didn't need to hear me beg, he complied to my fingers digging into his back, entering me repeatedly, fast and hard, the way I wanted. I was delirious, crying out his name, eyes shut tight, the world moving around me, tilting the way it had for me as a child when I had spun around in fast circles.

The relief of my orgasm was intense as I came against his hard stomach, feeling him come with me, relaxing only slightly, continuing to pump into me, thrusting for a while until he couldn't anymore. He settled against my stomach, breathing hard. I stroked his hair, awash in a warm glow, my sweat growing cold upon my skin. How delicious. I sighed happily as he climbed up and pulled me into his arms, kissing my hair and stroking my arm until I was on the verge of sleep. He got up and pulled the blankets over me, tucking me in and taking his place holding me again. Listening to his still slightly excited heartbeat, I smiled. He entwined our fingers together.

"Lawliet...what do you dream about?" I asked, tilting my head back to look up him. He smiled down at me.  
"I dream about you," he told me, completely honest. "All my dreams revolve around you. You are my sun, and everything in my world revolves around you. I would sleep forever, just to see you in my dreams...but I think you, the real you, the warm, breathing thing that you are, is worth staying awake for." He kissed the top of my head. "What is it you dream about, Light?"

"Apples...But you, mostly," I smiled, stiffling a yawn. He chuckled softly and nestled his face close to mine, our breaths mixing. "Lawliet...I love you," I murmured, kissing the tip of his perfect nose. He smiled and shifted until his head rested upon my chest, listening to my heartbeat. He closed his eyes, and together, we drifted off to sleep.

***

"Chikayo?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Are you even listening?" I asked, noticing that he continued to stare at me, eyes fathomless. He nodded quickly, then shook his head slowly.  
"Sorry," he murmured. "I'm just...really..."  
"I know," I flushed. "But aren't you happy that you know? That I trust you to know this?"  
"I guess. Yeah, I am," he admitted. We sat together on a bench out in the sun, out for lunch. Misa hadn't made her appearance yet, but I was sure she'd be here any minute.

"Light...I'm sorry..." he said quietly, eyes locked on the tennis ball he held in his hands. "I just never thought...never even considered..."

"Wow, Chikayo. You're pretty eloquent this morning," I teased, shoving him gently. He rolled his eyes and smiled. "You don't have to apologise. I never wanted anyone to know. Because I never thought I would ever find anyone...that I'd want to be with. And now that I have, I have to reveal so much, that I am...you know, _that _way, and that I've met someone as famous as he is...It's a bit much, so I'm glad you're handling it as well as you are."

"Well...I guess I could handle it a lot better...But you see, it's really weird because..." He tried to force the words out and was turning a bright shade of red. "Because...I-"

"Light! Chikayo!" Misa called, skipping up, a bright look upon her face. "I'm here! I brought lunch!" She was breathless when she finally got up to us, and had a runny nose. She pulled something white out of her pocket and unfolded it reverently. I stared at the familiar hanky, the one I had given her to wipe her snotty nose with. She was treating it like some kind of religious icon of great worth. What an idiot.  
"If you're still sick, why are you here?" I asked, forcing myself to be nice and not shout at her to get lost.

"Oh, Light, it's so nice of you to worry about me," she smiled, touched. "But I couldn't help it! I _had_ to come give you your lunch."

"Well, you don't have to," I told her, smiling through gritted teeth, to show Rem that I was being nice. The white shinigami was flying overhead, keeping her cat like eyes on me closely. "You see, you don't have to pretend to be my girlfriend anymore. I've told Chikayo and Mitsu about Ryuzaki."  
"Oh," she said in surprise. She seemed to think for a moment. A very long moment, considering that her thought processes were not too advanced. She beamed kindly at me. "Oh, Light, that doesn't matter to me, silly! I don't bring you lunch because I'm supposed to be your girlfriend. I bring it because I want to. Because you're special to me."

"What would I do without you?" I said with a sarcastic smile. She didn't hear my dry tone and her smile widened, pleased. "You know, Misa, this means you don't have to see me at school all the time. You can spend time to yourself. Not here." In other words, go away and never come back.

"Oh, that doesn't matter," she giggled. "I love seeing you, Light. Haven't I just told you that you're special to me? Visiting you isn't a problem for me, I'm very flattered you care, but I don't think seeing you is a waste of time at all!"

I wanted to cry out in anger and bash her around the head violently with a bat. Chikayo seemed to notice my rising frustration and he stood up, pulling the strap of his messenger bag over his shoulder. "Sorry, Misa, but Light and I have an appointment with the coach of the tennis team, so we've gotta go now. It was nice seeing you and all."

"Do you really have to go?" Misa moaned in disapointment.

"Yeah, sorry," I said with a bright smile, not meaning the words the tiniest bit. "Hope you get better."

"See you later, Misa," Chikayo bid her, waving pointedly and pushing me forward. We hurried off, and found another quiet bench, far away from the annoying girl.

"Good idea," I commended my friend, as he relaxed. He flashed me a quick grin, before falling silent. "Chikayo...you were telling me something earlier. About something being weird..."

"Oh, forget about it," he said, waving me off, his ears turning a bright shade of red. "I forgot what I was going to say."

I opened my mouth to protest, then I closed it. There was no need to push it. He was already being so accepting, even if he was really only speaking to me if he had to, making small talk to make up for the awkwardness between us. He didn't want things to be awkward and neither did I.

"Light?" I jumped as Chikayo interrupted my thoughts and the silence. He fiddled with his watch, not looking at me. "I'm kind of...curious...I mean..."

"Ask away. I owe you for helping me ditch Misa back there."

"Well...Uh..." His cheeks flushed. "Okay...well, you've always been into guys, then, haven't you? Did you ever look at...me...in that way?"

"Uh..." Now it was my turn to flush. I rubbed the back of my neck and tried to answer him as honestly as possible without embarrassing the both of us. "Well...I thought about it, but...you weren't really my type, Chikayo. Actually...It's kind of crazy how I fell for L. I mean...I never really believed in love at first sight, and it wasn't exactly like that..." How could I say this? "The first time I met him...I learned a lot about him. You know that I'm smart, you know that I'm an arrogant, intelligent, teachers' pet...and he was L. _The _L. Someone who I could match with mentally. That's what makes him so attractive to me. Because...This sounds really crazy, but I was attracted at first by his brain. By his sense of justice, by his passion in his conviction. I didn't want to let him go, I did what I could to make him promise to stay with me a little longer, to spend more time with him." I exhaled slowly. "Ever since I met L...I've felt more awake than I ever have been, as if I've been asleep for most of my life. It's the weirdest feeling...because...I _know _I haven't been asleep. It's just...ever since I met him, I see things differently. Think differently. I feel like I'm finally living."  
Chikayo was silent, and then he finally forced a grin. "Wow, Light. You got really in-depth there."  
"I just wanted to explain to you how it is for me. I still don't think I explained it right," I mumbled. He patted my knee and flicked his hair out of his eyes.  
"Well, thanks for answering my question...in such a deep and meaningful way. But you didn't really answer it the way I preferred. A simple 'yes' or 'no' would have done pretty well."

"I just wanted to tell you why I can only love L," I said, still red faced. He gave me a comforting grin and stretched.

"Well, to sum up your incredibly long explanation, it's because you two have some sort of mental connection that no one else can understand."  
"L just says that our deductive skills, intelligence levels and capabilities of retaining and mulling over information is well matched," I admitted.

Chikayo snorted. "Sounds about right. Sounds like an answer from the world's greatest detective."

I chuckled softly and lounged back, sunning myself. I could almost pretend that everything was like it used to be...Before the Death Note. Before L. Before everything. Chikayo would sit in the sun, talking about nothing in particular if we talked at all. Mitsu never giving up on me as boyfriend material. Mmn...But I could never give up everything that had happened. I could never regret that moment when the Death Note had fallen to the earth and I had picked it up. Could never regret the trouble it had caused me, because it had brought me L.

***

"This is Mello. That's Matt. And Watari will be picking Near up from the airport the day before the wedding, as planned," L smiled, introducing me to a boy that I could almost have mistaken for a girl with his blonde hair cut into a bob and wearing tight leather pants that I could never see myself in. Behind him was a boy wearing orange goggles, a cigarette between his lips as his gloved fingers assulted a Psp.

The wedding was only two days away, our days having been filled with planning. A new suit that was perfectly sized and tailored for me was ready and waiting, our rings picked out, every small little detail.

"How was your flight?" I asked, trying to make small talk. Matt didn't respond at all, but Mello just rolled his eyes and began to shrug off his large white fur jacket as he shoved past me.

"Shitty," he told us bluntly, falling upon my favourite couch. He crossed his glossy legs and pulled out a chocolate bar, taking a large bite. "The quality of the in-flight meal isn't something to write home about."

"Who's the pretty lady?" Ryuk chuckled, floating in through the wall. I stiffled my laugh with a cough and settled myself on L's lap, noticing Matt carrying an xbox and moving to plug it into the television. Mello and Matt sure made themselves home.  
"So, how did you two meet?" Mello asked, through a mouthful of chocolate, watching us almost suspiciously. He certainly sat on the lounge, arms stretched over the back of it, sitting regally as if it were some kind of throne. L tenderly brushed my hair from my eyes.  
"We met through the Kira investigation. He was a suspect, but he was cleared," L explained.

"Well, sounds romantic," Mello drawled. "Seems like Kira still hasn't been caught yet, though."  
"Kira hasn't been active for a while now," L acknowledged, face smooth and expressionless. "We have no real leads to go on, so perhaps Kira is dead or perhaps has grown bored."

"Well, let's hope he hasn't gotten bored," Mello frowned.

"Are you a Kira supporter, then?" I looked at him in confusion. Did he want Kira to keep killing? He, a colleague of L's?

"Pft, no," Mello snorted, looking at me as if I were an idiot. "L, I thought your new husband would at least have some brains. Don't you know, Yagami? Kira can be rightly placed as a serial, as he has both killed multiple times with certain targets having a criminal background. When serial killers get bored...they have a lot of time to think, really. They start thinking big. Big plans. Big kills for big thrills." He gave a grin. "So, maybe Kira is going to go on a big killing spree and kill half the world's population all in one go. Considering his powers from what I've deducted so far, I wouldn't put it past him."

"You keep referring to Kira as if they are a male. How do you know Kira isn't a female?" I asked, raising a brow. Or gay, I added silently. If I had hackles, they would be up. I didn't like my intelligence being questioned.

"Doesn't take a genius to figure out that Kira kills mostly men. As if he has some kind of fixation with that gender. Of course, it could be some woman that hates men in general, but if it was, there would me more women casualties than there have been. If it were up to me, Light Yagami, you would be rotting in gaol, because I'm positive you're Kira."  
"Is that so?" I challenged, feeling L's arms encircle me tightly. Mello chuckled softly, eyes glittering.  
"I sure do. See, I don't let love and lust get confused and I don't let either of them interfere with my job. Well...I gotta admit, I couldn't give a shit about justice, I just like the thrill of the chase, and there's nothing like bringing down something as big as Kira." He sunk his teeth into the block of chocolate before fluttering his eyes at L. "Actually, L, I have a bone to pick with you. How could you fall for Kira like this? When he's posing for you so poorly? Surely his ass can't be that tight? Couldn't mine keep you satisfied?"

I froze, and turned to stare at L, whose eyes were narrowing slightly. "Mello, please keep your comments to yourself. Refrain from tormenting Light. He is my soon-to-be husband and I would like you to respect him as such."

"Sure," Mello laughed, running his fingers freely through his hair. "Just teasing him. He believed me for a moment there, though, didn't he? Look at him, he's a real stiff, like he's got something shoved up his ass, and it can't be your cock."

"Mello, please..." L warned.  
"Maybe it's a teacup," Mello chuckled quietly before filling his mouth with the chocolate. I had to ignore Ryuk who was roaring with laughter, agreeing with the blonde. Stupid Ryuk. And stupid L for having the tiniest hint of a smile around his lips.

***

"I can't believe we're getting married the day after tomorrow," I said to L, unable to keep the smile off my face. I ran a comb through my hair, noticing in the corner of my eye at how L admired the way it shone gold in the light. He lay back on the bed, flicking through some documents as I prepared for bed.

"L...I was wondering...I mean, Misa is stupid, but she's not _that _stupid...I mean, we haven't really sat her down, have we? She doesn't really officially know that..." I lowered my voice. "Misa doesn't really know that we're going to destroy the two Death Notes." We had agreed to keep only a page in case of emergencies, to protect ourselves. It really was too risky to keep the Death Notes around. If they fell into anyone's hands but our own...they were physical proof that I was..._had been _Kira, and that L had covered it all up. And if Taskforce still suspected me of being Kira, they knew now that Kira was inactive, meaning that if it was me, L's presence around me was clearly doing some good.

"L...what if Misa wants her Death Note back and asks Rem to kill us? Rem could easily write our names in the Death Note and manipulate our actions before our death and make us give Misa our Death Note."

"Light, if you're being nice to Misa, she should have no reason to ask Rem to kill us. Misa loves you and even though she hates me, she won't kill me because she knows how much you love me," L said calmly. He gave me a little smile and brought his thumb coyly to his lips. "So, the only thing keeping me alive is your love, Light. As long as you love me, I'll stay alive. Can you promise to never stop loving me? I could become immortal that way."

"I love you, now and forever," I smiled, putting the comb down on the dresser and climbing onto the bed, settling myself between his legs, taking the papers from his hand and tossing them onto the floor.

"Hey, the top floor is out of toilet paper," Mello complained, shoving open the door. I scowled.

"Go whine to Matsuda, he's in control of upstairs," I told him. Mello rolled his eyes and left the door open, marching away, his combat boots clunking loudly. I groaned. I hated the noise, the noise of Mello's boots, the sound of a game being played on the television. I was used to Matsuda's cries of anger and surprise and Ryuk's manical laughter, but I couldn't stand this noise. I got up and shut the door, silence instantly befalling us. To be sure, I locked the door. Of course, a locked door did little to keep out Ryuk, but the shinigami generally avoided our bedroom now. I sighed in relief and tore off my shirt, before letting my thumbs hook on the waistband of my sweatpants, smiling at L. He gestured at me to come to him, and I pushed down my pants slowly, revealing myself fully to him. I enjoyed the feel of my hand brushing my thigh, the way L's did. I softly stroked my stomach, becoming aroused.

"Light, please," L pressed, patting the bed beside him. I smiled and took my place beside him, on top of the covers. I began to reach for him, when he captured my wrists in his hands. "Light...We shouldn't. If we're getting married, we should save it for that night and make it special."  
"But I'm horny now," I groaned, grinning. He kissed my forehead and began to tuck me into bed. He was right. I did want to make it special on our wedding night. He held me, though I wasn't quite ready to fall asleep.

"So...what did you think of Mello?" L smiled teasingly in my ear. I groaned again and rolled my eyes.

"I do _not _have a tea cup shoved up my-"

"I know," he chuckled, capturing my earlobe between his lips and sucking on it, taunting it with his tongue. "Mmn...He's just jealous because you're so cute."

I looked up at the roof, biting my lip. "L...did you and he...?" I hesitated, flushing. L seemed to know what was on my mind.  
"No, I never slept with Mello. He's too young, too outgoing, too...He's not you," he finished firmly, almost in a growl to prove himself.

"It's okay if you did," I mumbled. "I just wanted to know. I mean, you know that you were my first and only...I know that I wasn't for you..."

"Light," he breathed, holding me closer. He kissed my bare shoulder, letting his lips rest there for a moment. "Light, if it would make you happy to tell you that you were my first, I would say it a thousand times, but I know you want the truth. The truth makes you happy. It's up to you if you want to know, you can ask, but I promise that even if you weren't my first...you were and still are my best. That's the most honest of truths, my little uke."

I gave him a little smile, then frowned, moving so I could bury my face into his chest. Did I want to know? I already knew that he had slept with other people before, but would knowing the details make it more real? If we ever made love again, could I help myself from thinking about them? Wondering if L was comparing me to them? He said I was the best. Surely that was the truth? L never lied to me.

"Why don't you sleep?" he murmured, brushing my hair with his fingers. I pulled away and swung my legs over the side of the bed, holding my head in my hands.  
"L...I'm going to kill myself wondering if they did the same things to you that I do. If they're older, more mature, smarter than me...I don't want to be wondering those things on our wedding night. I want to know. And I don't want to know. Please tell me, L."

"I'll tell you...with a few conditions. First, you have to come back here. I'm all cold," he told me, holding out his arms. I hesitated, then moved in, knowing that if I couldn't handle any more, his arms wouldn't let me escape. He held me tightly and began to speak.

"My first time...I was fifteen. I had a friend, perhaps a rival, though I was smarter than him but he was more...I suppose you could say he had better social skills. I admired him for that, for his sometimes overly foolish confidence. We were close friends at one point, for me, my only friend."  
"What was his name?" I whispered.

"It doesn't matter, as I'll explain. But his name is Alexander Harrington. Quite a common name. He was one of the orphans in Watari's orphanage with me. Anyway, we were young, excitable, and I confessed to him one day that I had feelings for him. A childish crush, really. I admitted that I had...as crude as this sounds, jerked off while thinking about him."  
The idea of L touching himself made my breathing hitch up a knot, but I forced it from my mind, wanting him to continue.

"He was just another boy who wanted to be touched, and so we experimented, as most people do. Of course, we never progressed beyond touching and sucking. He left the orphanage, he was adopted, his brain not quite great enough. Alexander didn't want to keep in contact, which I respected. The last I heard of him, he had a wife and two children." L smiled into my hair. "I pined for him, but thinking back, perhaps I was just wanted the feelings he gave me. Not long after that, I had begun to establish myself as the world's greatest detective, with Watari at my side. When I was seventeen, going on eighteen, I attended a university lecture about criminal psychology, and I met Kensaku Yamada, one of the most handsome boys in the class. Dark hair, elegant aura about him. We became friends, and two months later, it became clear to me that he was definately gay. Just the way he'd pay no attention to his many female admirers, the way his eyes would follow certain boys around, and the way his sketchbook was filled with the naked forms of men. I took a chance one night, and went to his apartment, where we drank. My first experience drinking, might I add. He didn't know me as L Lawliet, I had some pathetic alias, and he was twenty, two years older than myself. I suppose I was enamoured by the 'older man'. He was very beautiful. I suppose my plan, as a shy boy, was to get us both drunk and try and seduce him. Being drunk, I could shake off any awkwardness. It worked, before I knew it, I was on my hands and knees and he was ramming into me. I didn't really like him so much after that, when the next day I could barely walk for the pain. My first time, with no lube or anything, as you can imagine. I wanted to be seme, but as a young, inexperienced teenager, I was a submissive to him. Eventually he found himself in that position and I was dominating. We moved on after I walked in on him doing the deed with some boy from his work. We hadn't made a commitment to one another, but it still hurt to know that he didn't care for me as much as I did. I realised that my feelings for him were not love in any form. Just admiration, another little crush.

So, when I was twenty one, I was recognised fully as L. I was working on a case in America, and there was a young man just starting out as a detective on the taskforce. Daniel Black. He admired me, after all, I was _L_. I was, and still am, what detectives still aspire to be. He was intelligent, nothing to match me, but I found his admiration of me very flattering. I decided that I would take him out, so we went to a club one night and had a few drinks. Next thing I knew, we were at his apartment. Despite being drunk, it felt special. I was searching for something, for love, as that was something I hadn't really had before. We formed a relationship, which lasted several months. A very rocky relationship, as I couldn't _connect _with him. He just...didn't connect with me on a mental level. He had no real deductive skills, no real motivations, no real personality and blindly worshipped me as a hero. I didn't want to be in a relationship where I was the world's greatest detective. I wanted to be an equal. And it wasn't until I found you that I found someone that didn't see me as someone to worship, but saw me as an equal. Only Kira could see me as an equal, could visualise themselves ever dominating me. I watched you, attracted by your beauty, by your intelligence, and of course, in awe of your power as Kira. I was positive you were Kira. I could so clearly see that you thought on a level that I did, and the only person I could see being Kira was someone who had thought processes like myself. Eventually, I couldn't hold it in any more. I had to see you for myself, speak with you. You recognised me instantly for who I was and never had any doubt in your evaluation. I wanted to touch you, and when you let me, I knew that you ahd been looking for someone like me, too. As Kira, the only person that could equal you was me, L. You were already worshipped by many, but you wanted an equal, someone you could understand on your own level. Someone who was not below you. That first time, it tore me to leave, but I knew that I had done something I could not allow myself to do, sleeping with my suspect, even if I knew with all my heart that I had found the one person who matched me in every way. When you chased me down those stairs and begged for more, I couldn't resist. I knew it was my duty to protect the world from you, but I wanted you so much. You said it was just sex you wanted. I knew what it was like to sleep with someone whom I couldn't equal, and it wasn't satisfying at all. I knew you felt that you couldn't have pleasure any other way. You need me, and only me. And I needed you, only you could bring me the kind of pleasure I wanted. So I agreed. I felt sick with myself for being so weak and giving in. I did what I could as L, I made you promise not to kill anyone or I wouldn't sleep with you. I forced myself not to give in.  
But when Ryuk killed those people and I had thought it was you, I hated you for tricking me. I had thought you loved me as much as I loved you. I couldn't understand how you could be so distraught, and so adamant that it wasn't you. Then, I realised you did love me, and whatever had happened, it hadn't been your intention. I couldn't lose you, Light."

He kissed the top of my head, and I kissed his head. There was no doubt in my mind any more. L was the only for me. I smiled up at him and kissed him, lips tingling at the touch of his own to mine. He settled back and stroked my arm under the blankets, looking relieved that I had accepted it. Slowly, I fell asleep.

***

I opened my eyes, blinking up at the unfamiliar roof. It took me a moment to remember where I was. I was in my parents house, in my old bed, in my old room. L and I had decided that we would carry on tradition and not see each other before the wedding. Happiness bubbled up inside of me. L and I were getting married today. I thrust the blankets back and burst out of bed, a broad, happy smile upon my face.  
What first? Breakfast! I burst into song as I skipped down the stairs to the kitchen, catching Sayu around the waist and spinning her around the small dining area. She gave a sleepy protest, definately not a morning person. I hummed as I made myself breakfast, pausing to hug myself with happiness. Sayu smiled, seeing how estatic I was.

"Excited, huh?" she grinned. I grinned back at her.

"Just a little."

"Well, keep your pants on. I heard you texting him all night, so I couldn't get much sleep. If I hear that ring tone one more time I'm going to-"  
"Good morning," my mother smiled, entering the kitchen. "Excited about the big day?"

"He's more excited about the big night, actually," Sayu muttered, loud enough so only I could hear. I poked my tongue out at her and beamed at my mother.

"Light...I can't believe you're getting married," Mother smiled, getting a little teary. "I've been dreaming about this moment for years." She pulled me into a hug, making me notice how I had grown a head taller than her. She reached only to my chin. "Light...you're so young, but I know that this is what's best for you." She gave me a wobbly smile. "Just think, your marriage isn't official, so there's no messy divorce. But I'll know you'll be together forever, because I've never seen you so happy before."

"Yes, we're going to be together forever," I agreed, thinking of L and his vow to follow me into the afterlife.

"Okay, enough sappy stuff," Sayu complained. I pulled her into the hug, laughing. Over their heads, I saw Father watching us, a proud smile on his lips, and a warm glint in his dark brown eyes.  
I could barely wait to put on my new suit, Sayu and Mother fawning over me, brushing away the wrinkles, when my Father entered my bedroom as I admired my reflection in the mirror.

"I need to get the camera," Sayu smiled, leaving as Mother excused herself to reapply her lipstick. Father paused at the door, then came forward, gesturing to fix my tie. I let him, keep my eyes fixed on his collar.

"I didn't think I'd see this day so soon," he murmured, voice a little gruff with emotion. "I didn't ever expect you...to be getting a husband, either. But he's a good choice. A little rash, but good for you. He's...L's a good man."

I smiled up at him from under my eyelashes, surprised to see tears glimmering in the corners of his own familiar eyes. He looked so old this close. "Thank you."

"I'd...tell you...that if he ever did anything, you can come straight home. But I know he'd never do anything to hurt you. Of course, that offer stands no matter what," he added hastily. "I'm proud of you, Light. You're becoming a man."

"It's been a few months since we've first met and school is almost over. I'm starting a new life with L...."  
"If he wants to do things that you're not ready for..." he trailed off, brushing lint off of my shoulder, not looking at me.

"Huh?"

"It isn't for everybody, Light. And if you're not ready to do something, L should respect that and-"  
"I know," I reddened, unable to look at him. "You don't need to tell me that."

"I know," he said, equally embarrassed. "I know you...already have...with him..."  
"Ugh!"

"I'm just saying, I don't know how far you two have taken it, and I don't want you doing anything you're not comfortable with."

"Please, stop," I pleaded. "No more sex talk, please."

"Promise that you'll say 'no' if you don't want to-"

"I've already...I mean...L and I..." I flushed. "You don't need to tell me this."

"I see. Okay. Well. I'll...uh..."  
"Go away?" I suggested hopefully, still cringing. He nodded, and patted my shoulder, before pulling me into a hug.

"Congratulations, Light," he murmured into my hair. He pulled away with a tight smile. "I always expected to get the first dance with the bride, but I don't know if it would be right for me to waltz with L."

"It's amusing to picture though," I said, giving him a grin. He chuckled and left, leaving me to look in the mirror and see the excited blush in my cheeks, the glimmer of emotion in my eyes, the way I was breathing through my mouth just to fill my lungs.

"Chikayo's here," Sayu sang. I saw my reddish-haired friend enter the room, grinning broadly.  
"Sorry I'm late. Hope you didn't worry too much."

"It's okay. What took you so long?" I asked, noticing how he managed to make his suit look so casual.

"I got my ear pierced," he told me, brushing back the hair from his left ear and revealing the silver stud with a green gem inset. "It's your wedding present."

"Oh, great," I snorted. He scruffed his hair and chuckled, clearly thrilled.

"Nah, Mitsu and I bought you one together. She's still pissed off that you want a best man instead of a bridesmaid."

"Yeah, well, I don't think she could pull off the suit just like you can," I laughed, noticing how he wore his red converse with the suit. Our suits matched, black with a red shirt, white vest and black ties. Of course, my suit was buttoned up and my tie impeccable, unlike Chikayo's who looked windblown, suit open, tie hanging around his shoulders. I pulled him forward and began to do it, full of nervous excitement.  
"Wow, I'm so pumped. This is unbelievable," Chikayo burst. "You're getting married!"

"I know," I grinned with a nervous laugh.

"Light, it's time," Mother called, ducking her head in through the door. I gave her a smile and nodded. It was time to give myself to L, forever.

***

When I entered the backyard, I couldn't believe I was in the same home L had provided for us. Chairs filled the yard in neat rows, white ribbons tied to every one, with red roses tied to the chairs on the aisle. There was a red carpet, leading up to a raised platform with a little white archway underneath the apple tree, which sported bright red apples. I swore I hadn't seen that many apples on it. Some apples hung down, tied on with white ribbons. Ryuk and Rem were to the side, and I could see Ryuk had torn a shred of material from his clothes and fixed it into a bow tie. I laughed at the sight, and felt Chikayo link his arm in mine.  
"It's my honour to throw you away as your best man," Chikayo grinned. "Except, if it were up to me, I'd literally carry you up to Ryuzaki - I mean L - and throw you at him."

"Well, this is good enough," I chuckled, as he began to walk with me down the aisle, the audience rising in their seats as if I were some kind of blushing bride. I blushed from the attention, spotting Mello in the audience wearing a large black fur coat with a feathered collar, Matt beside him with no gaming console in sight. Beside them was a man I didn't recognise, but beside him was a short, small young albino boy wearing all white. That would be Near.

I could see Misa sitting beside Mitsu. Mitsu was beaming and waving at me, Misa sobbing openly into what I suspected was my old hankerchief. I suspected she was crying not from happiness for me, but because I was getting married to L instead of her. I couldn't help but grin from that thought. I had to stiffle a laugh as I noticed her black dress, as if she were mourning at a funeral.

I could see Enah sitting on the other side of Misa, beaming at me, a book in her arms. I saw Matsuda wiping his eyes with a tissue, sitting beside members I recognised from the taskforce. There were quite a few people here, some I recognised and a number that I didn't. I could see Mitsu's and Chikayo's parents as well as little Lani, whose feet didn't touch the ground as she sat on her chair. Finally, I looked forward, to see my father waiting at the altar. To the right was Watari, and between the two men, was L.

I couldn't keep my eyes off of him, I breathed hard to fill my greedy lungs. He wore new jeans, but a different white long sleeved shirt. This one had a starched collar, looking a little more formal, and he wore a loose black tie. His pale lips were parted slightly, chest heaving, cheeks flushed, his dark eyes locked upon me, as if I were the only person on earth. I flushed and continued to make my way down the aisle. It was the most painful, slowest experience of my life, yet it was the best, going way too fast, not allowing me to pause and savour it. I took the single step onto the altar, Chikayo letting go of me, and taking his place at my side. L took my hands, eyes alight with wonder as he soaked me in. I gazed at him, memorizing his face at this moment in time. The flush of his cheeks, the curve of his parted lips, the glimmer in his perfect eyes, the set of his thin brows. How perfect and beautiful he was.

I dimly became aware of my father speaking. "...to witness the joining of L and Light Yagami..." I yearned to touch L, brush his lips with my own. His hands gripped mine tightly, as if I were the only thing keeping him tied to the earth before he would be pulled away to join the other angels, because L was too beautiful to be anything else.

"Do you, Light, take L to be your beloved husband for now and for eternity? Do you vow to care for him, provide for him and support him?"

"I do," I said, voice breaking.

"Do you, L, take Light to be your beloved husband for now and for eternity? Do you vow to care for him, provide for him and support him?"  
"I do," L replied, voice husky with emotion.

"Do either of you have anything to say?"

"Yes," L murmured, squeezing my hands. "Light, my whole life, I have been searching for you. You came into my life in the most unexpected way, but the moment I first saw you, I knew I was meant for you, and you were meant for me. When I am with you, I am complete. I have no need for anything. You are my everything, and I promise to be your everything. I vow to follow you into the next world, and I promise to love you forever and a day. I love you, Light."

"L, I love you. More than anything and more than everything," I smiled, a tear rolling down my cheek. I blushed, embarrassed, but he merely reached up to brush it away with his thumb. I could hear my mother bursting into tears. "I'll stay with you, no matter what. I'll light your way, my love."

"You may exchange the rings," my father murmured. Chikayo stepped forward, pulling out the rings from his pocket and passed them to L and I. Silver and gold. L slipped the gold ring onto my finger, and I slipped the silver ring onto his. They bore no jewel, no pattern or design. They were just plain bands, but on the inside, we had inscriptions. Mine said "L Lawliet", and his "Light Yagami". L entrusted me with his name and I would protect this ring forever.

"I now pronounce you both to be husband and husband," my father beamed. I laughed as Sayu stood up and began throwing fistfulls of white and red rose petals over us. L pulled my lips to his, kissing me feverently. I clutched him close, never wanting to let go. I hadn't noticed the cameras until now. L had hired professional photographers. I had told him that our guests would have their own cameras, but now I was glad he had been extravagant for once. I wanted to take every single one of those hundreds of photos and frame them.

"Congratulations," I heard people exclaim. People patted my back, hugged me, but there was only one person I could keep my eyes on. There were plenty of tears, laughter and warm words. It wasn't until it had gotten dark that things finally began to slow down. The whole yard was lit by fairylights, which were strung everwhere, on the fence, along the gardenbeds and the appletree. Someone had put a table up on the small platform with two chairs for L and I. The chairs had been all rearranged around two long rectangular tables, and Matsuda with the rest of taskforce were setting up a small dance space. L dragged me onto it when it was finished, taking my hand in his own, and placing his other on my waist, letting me settle my own hand in the crook of his neck. He held me close as the music began to start, humming under his breath, smiling proudly.

"I can't believe we're finally married," I laughed as we waltzed. Slowly, people trickled onto the dancefloor, my mother dancing with Watari, my father dancing with Mitsu, Sayu dancing with Chikayo, Misa with Mello...This was the most beautiful night of my life. L kissed me softly as we danced, and was reluctant to let me go, when Sayu tugged on my sleeve. I danced with everyone, Misa, Mother, Mitsu, and even with Mello, who was enjoying himself. His teasing didn't annoy me at all, instead, it made me feel like I had been accepted, as if I were now a part of his family. Watari even let me take him on the dance floor, chuckling with an old man's mirth. I gave a little wolf whistle when Enah danced with Chikayo, to make Enah blush, but no one made Chikayo laugh harder when Mello pulled him onto the floor, his hands on Chikayo's hips, Chikayo's hands around Mello's feathered neck. I even saw Ryuk shyly offer Rem his hand for a dance, but the white shinigami just bared her teeth at him. I was touched when Lani came up to me and demanded a dance.  
I had to catch my breath after a while, so I sat down at a table, beside Matt who was watching Mello with some emotion in his dark eyes. "Why don't you go dance with him?" I asked, seeing the way my words affected him. Matt huffed and lit a cigarette, folding his arms.

"With who?" he asked, looking away from Mello, who was laughing with Chikayo.

"Mello," I murmured, reaching for a glass of water. I chugged it down and wiped my mouth on my sleeve. Manners or the wellbeing of the suit didn't worry me. "Take a chance."  
"On what? You think I like him or something? Not everyone's gay, you know," Matt grumbled, pulling out his psp and flicking it on. I snatched it from him.  
"You're not getting this back until you dance with him," I grinned. Matt looked at Mello with a tortured expression. "Go on. He's danced with every other guy here, even my father who won't even dance with me, and I'm the one who got married today." I put the game on the table and took his gloved hand, pulling him to the dancefloor, where Mello was now pulling Mitsu.  
"Hey, Mello, can I have this dance with Mitsu? You can dance with Matt, instead," I offered.  
"It's your wedding," Mello shrugged, grabbing Matt by the collar and dragging him away. I gave Matt the thumbs up and proceeded to dance with Mitsu.

"Have you opened our present yet? Chikayo and I picked it out especially," Mitsu grinned.

"No," I told her, baffled. "I haven't seen any presents at all. Chikayo mentioned that you both got me one together, but I haven't seen it."

"Oh, there's a huge pile on the dining room table," she told me. "We wanted you to open ours first, actually. Let's go now and do it."

"Uh...Shouldn't L and I open it together...?"  
"You'll get your answer when you see it," Mitsu told me, taking my hand and pulling me to the house. Chikayo met us at the door, emerging, drying his hands on his suit pants. I guess it was good that he did wash his hands after he used the toilet, even if he had to ruin his pants to dry them. "Chikayo, Light's going to open our present."  
"I wanna see this," Chikayo grinned, following us to the dining room. There, as promised, was a pile of wedding gifts, far too many for the number of guests we had. There was a certain portion wrapped in gold paper that I deemed suspicious. I checked the tags on them.

_To Light L._

_From your loving husband._

Light L? Light...Lawliet? Tears sprang to my eyes, my heart throbbing. Light Lawliet. I couldn't change my name to that of course, it was all part of keeping L's identity a secret...but it was beautiful all the same. Wonderful. Astonishing. Heart warming. Frustrating.

"L bought me all of these presents?" I groaned, looking at all of the gold wrapped presents. "I didn't know we were getting each other presents. If I'd known I would've gotten him something."

"Don't worry about it," Chikayo chuckled, putting an arm around my neck. "When you see what Mitsu and I got you..."

Mitsu presented me with a small box, tied with a blue ribbon. I grimaced, afraid of what it may hold and opened it. Inside were a pair of fluffy handcuffs and a garter.  
"We've always known you wanted to work in the police force with your dad, and L's a detective too, so we thought we'd get you some handcuffs so you can practise arresting people," Chikayo teased, ruffling my hair. Mitsu giggled, and I rolled my eyes. I pulled out the garter.  
"What's this for, then?" I asked, examining the white lacy thing.

"Doesn't the bride always wear one?" Mitsu said, raising her brows. "Go put it on, under your suit. L will get a kick out of it."

"On the inside, we wrote-" Chikayo took the garter and revealed the writing.

"'To Light. Congrats. From your handsome friend Chikayo and that girl, Mitsu'," I read aloud. Mitsu snatched it from me.  
"I didn't write that!" she screeched. "Chikayo, you told me you were going to write something decent!"  
"I did," he laughed.

I left the handcuffs in the box, and looked up at Mitsu. "It goes on my leg, right?"

"Your thigh," she affirmed.  
"Which one?"  
"Uh...It shouldn't matter," she said, unsure. "Now, go. Go put it on."

Chikayo gave a manly cheer and dragged me in a head lock to the bedroom I shared with L, pushing me onto the bed. Mitsu followed after us, shutting the door.

"Okay, drop them," my red haired friend ordered.  
"Huh?"  
"Your pants. Drop them."  
"Uh..." I blushed modestly. It was a little odd, as Mitsu had always fancied me, and I liked men, which Chikayo certainly was. It seemed weird to drop my pants down in front of them both.

"We'll turn around," Chikayo teased. "Not that I haven't seen you totally starkers before. We used to take baths together when we were kids, remember?" I flushed, remembering. Chikayo and Mitsu turned around obediently, letting me take off my left shoe and unbuckling my belt, fingers fumbling. Lucky I wasn't like L and wore underwear. Black y fronts. The best and only. Nice and tight, too, for L to appreciate my...masculine curves. I was red faced when my two friends began to fight over who would help me put it on.

"You're a guy, and Light's gay. I'm a girl, so I can't take advantage of him," Mitsu argued.

"No way. I'm doing it. We're both guys, so I know what he's packing and I'm the best man," Chikayo argued back. He snatched it from her hands and held it above her head where she had no chance of reaching it.

"Give it here!" Mitsu cried. "Light, tell him to give it to me."

"No. Now cover your eyes, he's a married man," Chikayo told her, triumphant that he had the advantage of height over her.  
"_You _should cover _your _eyes," Mitsu burst back, indignant.

"Hah, he's got nothing that I haven't seen before," he snorted, kneeling at my feet. He brought the garter up my leg and shifted it up my thigh, pulling back and letting it snap back onto my skin. "That concludes my duties as best man."  
"Well, I would have been Maid of Honour," Mitsu pouted.

"No way. What about Sayu?" Chikayo pointed out, pulling up my pants for me and buckling up my belt as if I were handicapped and unable to do so myself. "Or Misa? You're not the only woman in Light's life, you know."

"Stop bickering," I told them, rolling my eyes. "Now, who's going to take me for a spin on the dancefloor?" I couldn't help but grin as they fell into another row of arguments, but it didn't matter, as the only person I felt like dancing with was L.  
"Where were you?" he asked, as I fell into his arms under the apple tree.  
"Mitsu and Chikayo wanted me to open their present. But you see, there was a whole lot of presents wrapped in gold paper that I found very curious."

"Really?" he asked, feigning confusion, a grin fighting its way on his lips. "What was so odd about them?"

I smiled, moving my lips to his ear. "I will always be your Light Lawliet," I murmured. "It's the most perfect name in the world." I pulled back, seeing the lust in his dark eyes. "You didn't have to get me all of those presents."

"I did, honey," he smiled, pecking my lips. "They begged to be bought and given to you. I never have enough excuses to give you things, so I'm giving you everything I can right now."

I thought of the thing I had waiting in surprise for him. I could imagine his surprise as my pants were removed to show the garter. I shivered, feeling excited, yet as I looked around, the party was still in full swing, not showing any sign of ending any time soon.

"Have you eaten?" L asked. I shook my head.  
"I'm too...full of excitement to eat. I don't feel hungry, but I haven't eaten since breakfast, and even then I only ate half a bowl of what I usually have."

"I couldn't eat either. Not a single thing. Except for a lollipop. But I sucked on it, I didn't eat it and some wouldn't regard it as a meal."

"Well, let's go get some food. And Matsuda made us a wedding cake, didn't he? We'll have to cut it soon." I looked around for Matsuda, and saw him performing a 'magic trick'. He held up an apple where it would magically disappear. Only L, Misa and I could see Ryuk biting them whole. Matsuda's only problem was that he couldn't make them reappear, when he tried, Ryuk could only spit out what he could. The detective didn't seem so pleased to have bits of soggy, regurgitated apple and spit all over his hand.

I was quite amazed that Matsuda didn't yet question how his magic trick worked. He still did as I said, using apples as a reward system, as if there were some supernatural being such as a shinigami name Ryuk floating around tormenting him. Of course, I suspected Matsuda still believed in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, so perhaps believing in ghosts and spirits wasn't too difficult for him. I wondered what his explanation to himself was. How could he stand not knowing? Didn't curiousity eat him up? Didn't he want to know how I had known that apples were the trick to stopping all the trouble? Did he suspect it was L or myself still?

I filled a plate with food from a table, but L insisted on piling up my own plate, ignoring the emptiness of his own. "I'm not going to be able to eat all of this," I protested.

"I don't want you to starve," L smiled, pecking my temple. I rolled my eyes and followed him to the table on the altar, eating quickly before someone could drag me away for another dance or another photo.

"Looks like everyone's having a good time," L murmured, smiling happily at the laughing crowd by the portable dancefloor. "Even Ryuk."  
"I saw him try and get Rem to dance with him, but she just growled."  
"I saw that too. Did you see him play tricks on that little girl? Chikayo's little sister?"

"Lani? No, what did he do?"  
"Blew in her ear, pulled on her hair. What surprised me was that she didn't seem to mind. She actually smiled."

"Yeah, well, she's a bit odd," I mused, unable to stop a smile. L leaned in, as if to breathe in the scent of me, before brushing his lips against my own.

"Mmn...You're so beautiful," he breathed, eyes reflecting the twinkling lights around us. I choked on a giggle, my stomach full of butterflies.

"I know," I managed, leaning forward for our lips to meet.

"Time for the cake!" I heard Sayu shout. I broke away and saw Matsuda walking towards us, carrying a cake, and Sayu brandishing a knife that was tied with a red ribbon. We waited until everyone had gathered around us, cameras flashing. I took the knife from Sayu as Matsuda placed the cake onto the table. L placed his cool hand over my own, his other arm wrapping around my waist. Together, cheers and clapping feeling our ears, we cut the large white cake that was shaped like a giant apple, topped with strawberries. L kissed my neck, laughing as if he would burst with happiness. I knew the feeling, as if I would explode. I had never been so overjoyed in my life.

L cut out two slices, each of us taking one and holding it to the mouth of the other. The pieces were small, so we were able to eat them whole, and I took great delight in licking the cream off his fingers before he kissed me.  
"I think the bride should be allowed some wine," Mello called, a large grin on his face. I could see Matt at his side, his arm around Mello's waist.

"He's underage," Mother pointed out. That hadn't stopped Chikayo and Mello who I had seen getting into the wine and vodka earlier.  
"Oh, one glass shouldn't hurt," Father chuckled, his own cheeks a little pink from drinking. "Nearly all of us are on the police force anyway, so we can all take care of him. It's his wedding, after all."

L and I were handed a glass of white wine each. We linked arms, L downing his drink in one go, but I just took a large gulp before setting the glass down and pulling L into another kiss, whistles filling my ears.

This was without a doubt, the best night of my life.

***

Sorry it's been so long!! I've been really sick lately, so I hope this update is good enough to make up for the incredibly long wait. Please forgive me!! I've been working on it as much as I can, and I'm sorry about the way Light came out to Misa and Chikayo. It wasn't as exciting as I wanted it to be, because I couldn't choose an idea. They were all so wonderful and funny! I just put them into a hat and drew them out, and this was just one that I'd come up with on my own. Him telling them in their favourite coffee shop. But, as a reward for all of you that entered the competition, hopefully you've all found parts where I've included your ideas!! ^^

Credits go to:

The character 'Enah'=== ZenaSilverWing

Misa's funeral outfit and worshipping Light's hanky as well as Ryuk's bow tie == ZilanderKat

The character 'Kairi'=== BlackDanzer

The character 'Laniyoka' (Lani) === Lanikeyokachan

***

For those that haven't seen their characters yet, don't worry! You're in the next update, promise! We depend on you guys to keep the story going! We have a few more of Light's friends to meet, and don't forget that Matsuda's troublesome nephew is coming to stay...DUN DUN DUN!! Plus, what will L think of Light's little surprise? And what did L buy for Light? What does Chikayo have to confess? And what is going to happen that could make L break down? And I don't mean the ever looming threat of Kira!!

All in the next update, fangirls, fanguys and fantrans! ^ ^ Can anyone else smell the delicious, mouthwatering scent of citrus and the sweet, light scent of fluff? Hope none of you are allergic to fluffy bunnies!! And get out your tissues, because umong the wince of the sour taste of lemon, the rotting of your teeth as you sink into a sweet little fluff, you're going to get the frightening, harsh taste of blood and the cold smell of cement.

So, time for...DUN DUN DUN!!! AUTHOR QUESTIONS!!

1. Overall opinion on this update?

2. Favourite scene from this update?

3. Favourite character so far? (Not L or Light)

4. Forgive me for taking so long?

5. Have I captured Mello and Matt correctly? I haven't seen them in the anime yet, I'm only up to volume six, so L hasn't even died yet. *sobs* If I've done them right, I'd like to write a MelloxMatt fanfic in the future.

6. Any guesses about what the next update holds?

7. As usual, any improvements I can make or any ideas for future updates?

***

Now, I don't know if anyone reads the comments, but I recieved one from someone called "Laos". I get messages from people that I can't reply to. Beats me why I can't, maybe they don't have accounts or they've put their settings that way or something, but I'd love to reply to everyone and it frustrates me when I can't.

Laos raised some good points about my story that I hopefully clarified in this chapter (I always planned to, the trick was for you guys to be patient ^w^ ), so here's the message I got for those that didn't see it:

_"First of all, living together after confessing undying love in only like three days? It's like Romeo and Juliet all over again. And giving up his idea of justice, his narcissism, his ideal world just for sex with a guy he met one day in his room?_

_Having sex with a super detective that just happened to be in his room?_

_The most unbelievable thing is, though, that L would kill people to clear suspicion. The most notable characteristic about L is his undying stance upon his justice. He would never kill someone or various people just to save one person from imprisonment. Besides, as soon as Light's confession to being Kira is on tape as it had been, there's enough evidence to convict him as Kira."_

Time isn't really what I write. I don't go ahead and say "Three months later" or whatever, but hopefully you get the whole gist that time has passed, so you could say that right now in the story, L and Light have been together a few months now. Laos raises a good point, it is just like Romeo and Juliet, because they do "fall in love" within a very short time frame. But speaking from a psychological perspective, L and Light regard themselves as higher thinkers, or the classic word "genius". In the anime, Light detests a lot of people, because they aren't as smart as him. Of course, while he hates L, he has mixed feelings, because L is the first person who has ever been able to match him in a game of wits. If anyone's read Twilight, it's explained that vampires don't change easily and when they do, it's permanant. L and Light haven't ever met anyone like each other before, so it's naturally a very confusing and very thrilling experience for them. Feelings become intensified, and everyone knows the saying "You don't know the worth of something until it's gone". Light and L both know what it's like before they met one another, and now that they both know each other, are friends, they can't imagine going back to such a mundane existance. They are equals in every way, and they're human, and any normal person is not going to let that slip away. Love is about being equal, and for them, they are convinced that the other is the only equal they will ever meet.

Bluntly, L probably has Asperger's syndrome and clearly doesn't get out much, and Light thinks he's above everyone else. It's a change for both of them. L wants to have more of Light, a "forbidden fruit" as he is convinced (and is clearly correct) that Light is Kira. So, L has to sacrifice his idea of justice so he can continue his affair with Light. After all, one encounter with your equal and you're obviously going to want more. But L doesn't go back on his sense of justice at all. He makes Light promise not to kill anyone, and in return, he'll sleep with him. As this chapter explains, L knows that Light feels the same way, about wanting to continue getting to know his equal. If Light never agreed, L would have very probably turned Light in.

Sex with a super detective? Well, as I said, L and Light regard themselves as higher beings. I don't know if you know, but apparently if you try the same thing over and over again in sex, you slowly adapt to that and can't get aroused as easily any other way. So, for them both, on a mental level, they can't find themselves aroused without someone on the same mental pattern. That's what turns them on so much, because they're both the same "in the head". Above everyone else. Not a mundane, unintelligent human being.

This is a fan fiction, and L has grown to love Light more than anything. Giving up his own sense of justice and adopting that of Light's, by swearing to kill anyone that ever threatened Light. This bending of L's will and sense of justice is to show how much L has grown to love Light, how much he values him and wants to protect him. L sees Light as an extension of himself, something that he can't allow to be lost.

Don't forget that L held a meeting with the Taskforce that Light wasn't privy to. Light was out walking with Watari at the time. On camera, Light never openly said "I am Kira", he merely made a statement that L could easily twist to the other detectives and say that Light was just saying things to continue the affair. Of course, Chief Yagami, who loves his son more than anything, saw that L did love Light, after all, he knew how strong L's sense of justice was, and saw how Light could cave so easily to L's deal. So, he would help convince taskforce that Light is innocent, and knows that if Light can be so easily manipulated by L, then perhaps Light should stay with L, as L can push out Kira. Chief Yagami sees L as a way to make Light innocent again.

So, if anyone is still reading this, I'll sum it all up and finish it with this:

The one basic rule for writing a yaoi fanfiction: "It doesn't have to make sense, as long as it's hot."

So, Laos, even if you felt that my explanation and story were hazy, just stick to that rule and I can't be wrong. ^.^' You did comment on the third update, so there must have been _something _you liked in it, otherwise you wouldn't have read so far into it.


	7. Chapter 7

L and I had debated about a honeymoon. While I considered them to be a waste of both time and money, I did like the appeal of spending so much time together alone. For our wedding night however, we fell into our own bed, most of our guests gone. It was two in the morning, and I could almost be exhausted, if it weren't for the nervous energy fuelling me. L had no trouble staying awake at all, proving that he obviously didn't sleep a full night beside me. L was in the backyard, putting things away or something of the sort. I was in our bedroom, half-undressed, musing over the fluffy handcuffs Chikayo and Mitsu had bought us. This could be my chance to take over L as seme. If I could distract him enough, have him tied up, so to speak, I could just feign impatience and beg to be seme. He was sure to give in eventually. But, I didn't want to seem too devious, and I couldn't leave him chained up. Were the cuffs uncomfortable at all? I slipped one around my wrist, clicking it into place. Quite comfortable, very fluffy. And so undeniably pink. L shouldn't have any discomfort wearing them. But with his arms above his head, attatched to the headboard...? Could the strain of that position be too much?

I moved onto my back and fed the cuffs through the headboard of the bed and clicked the other cuff around my other wrist, to experiment and see how comfortable it would be. It wasn't too bad. I reached up to undo them, but my fingers met no resistance, no little catch. Just an empty hole. My eyes widened. No. Please, no. I had thought the cuffs had a little switch to undo them, as toy handcuffs always had when I was a boy. Instead, these ones had a little keyhole.  
"No," I moaned, seeing the box lying at the foot of the bed. The keys would be in there, no doubt. I tried to hook the box with my foot, but only managed to kick it off of the bed. "No!" This was _not _going to my plan. L was the one who was supposed to be tied up, not me.  
"No!"

"What are you doing?" Ryuk asked, floating through the wall, confused.

"Can you get that box for me? There should be some keys in it," I told the shinigami. "I need you to unlock me before L gets in here."

I should not have said that. Ryuk gave a cackle.

"Sorry, Light, I didn't quite hear you properly. Did you say you wanted me to get L for you?"  
"Ryuk!"

"Okay, I'll go get him for you."  
"Ryuk! No!"

"See ya, Light."

"No! No!" It was too late. The shinigami floated through the wall to go and fetch my new husband, where he would find me in only my pants and nothing else. The only good thing was that the garter was still covered. If there was any good out of this, at least L would find out the little surprise for himself, unwrapping me like his own little present. I ground my teeth, frustrated. How could I take advantage of my husband now? Just the thought of being inside of his beautiful ass sent a tingle down my spine, sent the back of my neck breaking into the slightest of sweats.

"Light?" L opened the door, looking worried. "Light?" His eyes found me on the bed and studied my constained, chained up body before throwing hs head back and laughing, face clearing with relief. "Ryuk told me you were in trouble," he told me, now taking a moment to admire me. He slowly shut the door behind himself and pulled off his shirt, before he strode over to the bed. I squirmed, red faced.

"Lovely handcuffs," he murmured, reaching over me to brush the fake fur. His fingertips ran down my wrist, touching so lightly, tickling me and causing fire to strike. I bit my lip to stiffle the moan that escaped my dry throat as his fingers caressed my arm, and came to curl around my cheek. He lowered his head to mine, his fringe tickling my forehead before finally letting his lips touch my own, drawing me into a kiss that felt as pure and easy as breathing. I drank his lips, arched into his pale hand, wanting a kiss that would leave my lips swollen and numb, as if he were a kind of morphine, knowing he had that kind of power from experience.  
L climbed onto the bed, threw one leg over me, so he knelt over me, his chest against my own. I wanted to delve into the flooding, spine tingling heat and thrust my hips up, wanting contact. L placed his hands on my waist, holding me down as his lips took the journey along the valley of my collarbone. He kissed the apple of my throat, kissed the ridge of my jaw, before tracing the shell of my ear. I inhaled sharp, short pants as he gnawed gently with his teeth at my lobe, before moving lower to the sensitive tips of my nipples.  
I felt like a live wire, electricity sparking through me, causing me to jerk and react with a cry and the need to hold him closer, entangle my fingers in his dark mess of hair. I let out a whimper as my constraints gave a metallic jingle, holding me tightly in place. L kissed the blush of my cheeks, sucked away the infuriated and hungry gasp from my lips.

"Lawliet," I moaned, extracting a whimper from him. His fingers squeezed me, lips became fierce, driving me to insanity. The same words danced over and over again in my mind, surprising me when I realised I was gasping them out aloud. _"Light Lawliet...Light Lawliet...Light Lawliet..." _How easily the words came from my tongue, as if I were meant to say them, as if they had been waiting to be said for my whole life. I was not Light Yagami. I was Light Lawliet.

L's hands fumbled at my jeans, desperate to tear them away, and when he did, he was frozen for a long moment, eyes staring down. I made to brush his hair back from his eyes, but felt the familiar tug of the cuffs around my wrists, preventing me from open movement. L finally moved, kneeling on all fours over me and lowered his head close to my groin. I waited, eyes squeezed shut, for the intense feelings to wash over me, to crash and spill, to build and send me over the edge. Instead, there was a strange wet heat on my right thigh. My eyes shot open and I blinked down at L who had captured the garter I had so easily forgotten in his teeth and was slowly dragging it off of my thigh.

"L..." I said in wonder, as he pulled it on like a headband, grinning broadly.

"I don't want you to ever take it off. Seeing you wear it...I never thought I could find anything more sexy than you just plain bare, but with this garter..." L smiled and reached up to kiss me. "It's wonderful. I didn't expect this at all."

"That's the point of a surprise," I smiled against his lips. "You're supposed to be surprised."

"Mmn...does this surprise you?" he asked, reaching forward to cup me between the legs. I gave a shuddering breath, and nodded, eyes almost slits as they lowered, deep with lust as he rubbed slowly but with enough friction to satisfy me but make me crave all at the same time. Such a beautiful torture couldn't be real. This had to be some dream. I never pictured myself to be married already, to a man, to _L. _  
"L...I want you," I said, breath coming in short, heated pants. L covered my lips with his own and spread my legs, held them up and settled between them before reaching under his pillow for the lubricant, and smothered it upon himself, before tossing it away and placing one hand on my hip, the other hand guiding himself into me. I enveloped him perfectly, felt his every detail inside of me. I let out a mewl of pleasure, his other hand coming to rest upon my other hip as he began to rock slowly and steadily into me, something I could only call love making.

I arched my back on his thrusts, moans drifting from a place deep within my chest. He moved so slowly, so lovingly, as if one hard, fast movement would shatter me. With the intense look building upon his brow and the sweat that broke out there, I began to believe it, began to fear that perhaps I really was so fragile. Lost in the world he spun for us, it wasn't impossible to believe. His fingers dug into my soft flesh, a bead of sweat sliding down his face, biting his bottom lip. I curled my toes, the pleasure coming in unequal waves, riding them and letting them build as he slowly began to move his hand along my erect member, making me shudder and groan.

"Light," he moaned, his lips pink and swollen from our kisses. He paused in his movements to reach down and kiss my collarbone, panting with the expelled effort. "...I love you...Light Lawliet."

***

It was around lunchtime when I finally woke and padded into the kitchen after relishing a long hot shower. Mello sat with Matsuda in the kitchen, eating the left over slices of the wedding cake. "You look like a leopard," Mello greeted me as I moved to fill the jug with water for my usual morning coffee. I raised a tired brow in question.

"You've got little spots all over you. Funny, they look like love bites," Mello teased, resting his chin on his hand, eyes twinkling. I looked down, and realised I wore a sleeveless shirt with a low v cut collar, that gave a clear show of my neck and arms. I flushed and snatched up Mello's discarded black feather coat and pulled it on, wrapping myself in it.  
"You look like a panda with those dark circles under your eyes, too," Mello continued, swallowing a large bite of cake. "Didn't you get any sleep?"

"Shut up," I mumbled, waiting impatiently for my water to boil.

"So, Light, have you opened any of your wedding presents yet?" Matsuda asked, smiling kindly. "L got you quite a few." I couldn't help myself from glancing at my wrists, still able to somehow feel the fur that had bound them...

"Speaking of L, is he still asleep?" Mello asked.

"No, I'm here," L yawned, stretching as he entered. His hair dripped onto his shoulders and I slyly inhaled his fresh clean scent as he pulled me into his arms.

"I was just asking Light about all the wedding presents. Are you going to open them together?" Matsuda inquired. L's eyes shot open and he became more alert, an excited smile crossing his lips.

"Would you like to open them now, Light?" L asked, brushing back my hair from my eyes. I shrugged and turned to pour my coffee.

"Mmn...soon," I agreed. I cringed internally, wondering what L could have possibly bought me. Hopefully no more sex toys. As fun as the handcuffs had been, they had frustrated me to no end, after kicking the box on the floor, the keys had fallen out and L had spent ages trying to find them. Of course, I suspected he had taken so long just because he liked me in such an erotic position.

I finally allowed myself to be led into the dining room, with my own little crowd, wondering where Matt and Ryuk were. "Why don't we open all the presents adressed to us first?" I suggested to L, as he pulled me onto his lap. Matsuda was filled with a childish enthusiasm and handed us a package that had was labelled for the both of us.

L unwrapped it, letting the paper fall unceremoniously to the floor, revealing a beautiful photoframe with little intricate glass butterflies around the edges. "It's from your parents," L smiled in my ear. "We'll have to put one of the wedding photos in it."

It was one of a few photo frames we recieved, as well as a new set of bedsheets, some throw pillows, some new scented soaps, a basket of fruit, wine and cheese, as well as a nice vase and a pair of matching lamps. L could barely contain his excitement when it came time for me to open his presents.

I opened up multiple boxes to reveal an array of honey scented hair products, making me roll my eyes. I recieved a beautiful new chessboard made of glass, and a series of books I had been wanting to read, as well as some new clothes such as jumpers as preparation for the upcoming winter months. Umong the gifts, I found a box filled with paintbrushes and a book about decorating rooms.  
"What's this for?" I asked, holding up some paint samples, frowning.

"Well, I thought you should have your own study. There's a spare room on the bottom floor that I thought you might like to decorate and convert into your own space," L smiled, kissing my cheek. I smiled, and began to flick through the book, getting ideas for the new area I could call my own.

"There's still one more present," L said with amusement, handing me a small box. I unwrapped it, revealing a set of car keys and some documents.

"You...got me a car?" I managed, unable to comprehend this.  
"Not just any car, he got you a Mini Cabrio," Matsuda chuckled. "He hid it in the garage. I suggested that he put it there, because you never go in there."

"A car?" I repeated dumbly.

"It's Nightfire Red," Matsuda nodded, smiling broadly. "I talked him out of getting you the yellow one."

I leapt off of L's lap and dashed through the house, opening the door to the garage and flipped on the lights. There, under the flurescent glow, was a car similiar to a Mini Cooper, but with a more cheeky look to it and a black, retractable soft top. I groaned.

"What do you think?" L smiled in my ear.

"How much did you spend on it?" I asked, noticing the brand new sheen of it.

"None of your business," L breathed, kissing my cheek from behind, arms wrapping around my waist. "You're going to college soon, so you'll need a car of your own."

"It's not just the money you spent...I can't drive this," I moaned, pulling on my hair. "I'll look so gay driving it."

"You _are _gay," Matsuda pointed out in confusion, making Mello snigger.

"I think it looks classical. A more modern approach on the Mini Coop," L murmured. "You'll get used to it. I wanted to get you the yellow one, to set off the gold in your hair, but Matsuda insisted you'd prefer the red."  
Such a dark, passionate, metallic red.  
"What 'till you hear the sound system on it," Matsuda enthused, holding out the keys for me. "You should take it out for a spin." I could see he clearly meant _"Why don't you go for a drive and take me with you?"_

Only someone as gay as Matsuda could like this car. I felt so guilty, but my rejection of the machine didn't seem to upset L at all. Instead, he seemed more determined to see me driving it.

"It's got four air bags, but the blindspot with the roof is pretty huge," Matsuda began, stepping closer to the _thing_, eyes wide and full of want. "It's cute, and has surprising space in the back."

"L, can you really see me driving it?" I demanded, stepping away from him and gesturing at The Thing. "Matsuda's right, it's _cute. _It's _cheeky. _It's-"  
"A mini," Matsuda sighed, looking as if he were about to kiss the bonnet.

"It's cute, and you're cute, Light. Therefore, it's the perfect car for you," L told me, the slightest of quirky smiles in the corners of his lips. "You'll love it, if you just take it out."

"You should name it, Light, before Matsuda does," Mello grinned. "He might call it something stupid, and trust me, names do stick."

"Like Mello?" I pointed out grumpily. "Fine, I'll name it. I'm going to call it 'Thing'."

"No, let's call it 'Sparkles'," Matsuda said dreamily, running his fingers along the side of it, then frowning and beginning to rub the spot with his sleeve. "Sparkles sounds like a good name for it. What do you think, Sparkles?" he cooed at the car.

"You can call it whatever you like, but I'm going to call it The Thing," I huffed, folding my arms.

"If you're naming it, you're obviously intending to keep it," L teased softly, kissing the top of my head. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm annoyed that you bought me a car and didn't consult me as to what kind of car I'd like. But I'm flattered that you spent so much money on me. Besides, it'd break Matsuda's heart to be taken away from it so soon."

"What's going on?" someone asked. I turned and saw Matt enter the garage, hair tousled, eyes red from lack of sleep, wearing just his boxers, a white singlet and socks. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, inhaling deeply.

"Hey," Matsuda protested, throwing out his arms, as if to sheild the car from the sight of Matt in his underwear. "No smoking in here. What if Sparkles starts smelling like smoke?"

"Sparkles?" Matt questioned, raising one sleepy brow.

"The car," Mello explained, gesturing to The Thing. "Light doesn't like it."

"It's a Mini, what's not to like?" Matt shrugged.

"You're supposed to be on my side," I huffed, hands on my hips. "And it's called The Thing, not Sparkles. It's the most gay car I've ever seen."

"He didn't mean it, beautiful," Matsuda whispered to the car, unaware that we could hear him, as he let his fingers brush the handle, as if itching to open it and drive off. I'd let him, if he promised not to bring it back.

"How can a car be gay?" L asked, moving forward to open the driver's door.

"It just is," I insisted. "No real man would drive a Mini." I heard Mello clear his throat. "I repeat, no _real man _would drive a Mini," I pressed, giving him a look that questioned his gender. Mello wrinkled his nose and stomped out, his combat boots echoing in the garage.

"What kind of a kit has it got?" Matt asked, moving forward to examine the Thing closer.

"The whole John Cooper Works kit," Matsuda said reverently, popping open the hood. Oh great. Now they were _all _drooling over it. I shouldn't have been surprised, seeing as Matsuda's sexuality was questionable, Mello was most likely bisexual and Matt clearly had a crush on Mello. Therefore I was completely right. Only a gay could fawn over such a thing. Of course, it was kind of cute...which was why there was no way I was going to drive it.  
I strode over to L and shoved my hand down his pocket, where I knew he kept his phone. He gave me a puzzled look, as I dialled Chikayo's number.

"You're all gay, so I want someone straight to give an opinion about it," I said firmly. I heard Chikayo answer the phone, voice rough with sleep and the suspicious tones of a hang over.

"Hello?"

"Chikayo, it's Light."  
"Light...? Light. Oh. What's up?"

"I need you to come over."  
"But..." He yawned. "Light, it's one AM, you've got to be kidding me."

"It's one PM," I corrected. "Open your curtains, and you'll see the big bright sun."

"...Wow...You're right."

"I always am, but no one here believes me. I need your opinion. See, L bought me a car."  
"What? Wow, what breed is it?" Breed? Trust Chikayo to treat brands of cars as if they were animals that could be bred.

"It's a Mini Cabrio," I told him. "It's Nightfire Red. I guess it could be worse and be sunshine yellow."

"A Mini Cabrio? With the soft top?"

"You've heard of them?" Was I the only one in the whole world who knew nothing about cars other than whether they looked good or not?

"Yeah. I can't believe he got you one. That's amazing. Cool. Look, I'd love to come see it, but you'll have to give me a few more hours' sleep first."

"You like Mini's?" I asked, stomach slumping.  
"They're beautiful little things," Chikayo chuckled sleepily. "Sure."

"I'll see you at school," I said grumpily, hanging up. How could a straight guy like a Mini?

"What did the _straight_ guy say?" Mello smirked, appearing in the doorway, scooping chocolate pudding into his mouth with a large spoon.

"He likes them," I muttered, unhappy.

"Maybe you should get someone else's opinion, Light. I don't think Chikayo counts as a straight person."

"Straight people can like gay things sometimes," I retorted, not wanting to hear anything he had to say.

Mello only shrugged and shoved more pudding into his mouth, watching as Matsuda and Matt worshipped the car, L fiddling with the radio and examining the internal features.

***

"We're out of milk," I complained to Matsuda who was humming as he did the dishes the next morning. "And there's no coffee left."

"Maybe you should go out and get more then," Mello said, smirking behind his hot chocolate, leaning against the stove.

"Fine. I may as well, I need to get myself a new umbrella anyway," I mused. "I'll see if Chikayo wants to come for a walk."  
"Walk? Why don't you take the Cabrio out?" Mello pointed out. "L bought that car just for you."

"What if people see me driving it?" I pointed out in return.  
"That's the point of owning a car, everyone's supposed to see it, admire it and hate you for it."

"No one wants a Cabrio."

Matsuda cleared his throat audibly.

"No one who's _straight_ wants a Cabrio," I stressed.  
"Hey," Matsuda protested.

I rolled my eyes and went to my room to go find a jacket before heading out on my walk. The point of getting an umbrella was so that I wouldn't get wet walking to school when it rained. There was no way I could go anywhere with that beacon of a car saying "I'm gay!"

"Going somewhere?" L asked, drying his hair, emerging from the bathroom.

"Going to go get some milk," I mumbled, searching for my jacket, not looking at him.

"What are you looking for?" he asked.

"My jacket."  
"What do you need it for?"  
"So I can wear it."

"Why don't you take Sparkles? You haven't even _touched _it yet."

"There's no way I'm going to go driving around in public in that _thing._"

L was silent for a moment. "You know...I did buy you that car because I love you. As your husband, I want to provide for you, Light."

"If you're always buying me things, how am I going to ever make it on my own? I'll never be able to support myself," I said, bringing out one of my regrets.

"You should have thought of that before you agreed to marry me, then," L murmured, letting his towel fall to the floor and walked slowly to me, wrapping his arms around my waist before burying his face into my neck, inhaling the scent of my hair.

I would never know what it would be like to become successful on my own, I knew that L would always be there, pulling strings for me behind my back. That was just how he was. He wanted me to have everything. I supposed that was where L and I were different; he wanted to provide, and I didn't want to be provided for.

My heart pounded in my chest and my eyes stung with infant tears. It was a sign that L and I weren't completely perfect for each other. I wanted us to be equal, to have no problems, ever. Perhaps I was too young for him. We could never really be equal. He was a successful detective, with powerful connections, had a huge influence on the world, and was wealthy. I was a young student, almost out of school, untried in the work force and had never had any other relationships. Was I diving into something too fast? Into something I wasn't made for?

L kissed my cheek and hugged me tighter. No. Without L, my life was worth nothing. He was all that was perfect in my life. I needed him. I couldn't see myself without him, really. If he was ever lost to me, then I too would be lost forever. I had no choice in that. It was just the way things were.

I turned in his arms and brought my lips to his, wrapping my arms around his neck, pressing myself to him, eyes shut tight. The kiss wasn't long enough for me and never would be. A kiss that lasted forever wouldn't ever be enough. L's arms crushed me to him, when we finally pulled apart, his lips were deep pink with the intensity of our affection.

"Please, Light," he whispered, giving me a rare glimpse into a place deep within himself that he had no control over. He wanted me to accept his gift, to take the car, as he had given it to me to show how much he loved me. He took my rejection of the car as a kind of rejection of his love, and even though he knew that was impossible, that I loved him no matter what, he couldn't help the small feeling of hurt that I wouldn't take what had been given to me.

"Fine," I murmured against his lips, giving in. "I'll drive the Thing."

His face brightened and he kissed me happily, hands caressing my cheeks as he did.

"Just this once, though," I added, as he let his lips brush my eyebrows, my temple, the shell of my ear and the soft, sensitive skin beneath and behind it.

"I don't mind," he breathed, now amused. "I would be happy just to see you _sit _in it, let alone drive it."

"You really know how to pull a guilt trip," I grumbled. "You're worse than my mother."

"Mmn..." he responded, not giving an opinion either way as he kissed my cheek and released me. "Now go. I fear we can't live too long without milk."

"Ha, funny," I said dryly, moving extra slow to get ready before going out. When I got to the garage, keys jingling in my fingers, I found Matt sitting in the passenger seat, Matsuda nowhere in sight. "Where's Matsuda?" I asked, sliding into the driver's seat. I had to be thankful my father had helped me get my license.

"Gardening," Matt replied shortly, looking out of the window, running his gloved fingers through his hair as he let out a long breath. I started the car, getting a feeling that Matt had something to say, but didn't quite know how to say it. And my suspicions were that it was probably about Mello.

As we pulled away from the house, I felt so emasculated, not quite worthy enough to be called a male. This car was ridiculous, just like L and I couldn't believe I had given in and was driving it around in public...Stupid L. Why did he have to have me so tightly wound around his finger? Mmmn...Maybe because it felt so good when it was inside of me... I shook my head to clear my thoughts and flashed a small smile at Matt.

"You're pretty quiet." Actually, he barely spoke at all usually. He rolled his eyes at me and pulled out his lighter, flicking his thumb against the flint wheel, lighting it and unlighting it, something that suggested to me was actually a nervous habit of his. But finally, he spoke.

"You're right."

"Huh?"  
"You're right," he repeated, louder this time, eyes narrowing in annoyance.  
"About what?" I asked, confused. He looked pointedly out of the window, to hide his face from my view.

"Mello."  
Yeah, I had thought that's what he had wanted to talk about. "It was kind of obvious."

"How?" he demanded, turning to me, eyes watching me closely for every small detail.

"Just the way you look at him," I shrugged, eyes on the road ahead. "The way you do everything he asks, even when he completely ignores you."

"I'm not some fucking sodomite like you," he said sharply, before turning away again, shoulders hunched with guilt. "I just like Mello. No one else. I'm not into boys," he added, in a mutter.

"Well, I did think Mello looked a bit like a girl with that blonde hair cut the way it is," I tried to say lightly, to reassure him. "And he's got a great ass, but I'm not really into tight leather."

"He's...different," Matt agreed quietly, resting his head against the window. We fell into a silence, giving me a few moments to admire the Thing's handling, the smooth steering but the unfortunate rattling of the body on rough spots on the road. I bought him some coffee, parking in a spot far away from the public eye as I could.

Matt lit a cigarette in the coffee shop, ignoring the no smoking sign, and folded his arms on the table, facing me. "Mello's convinced you're Kira," he stated, showing no open opinion on his face. I shrugged and sipped at my little mug of heaven.

"So was L at first."

"Maybe because Mello is so convinced is because L was. Mello said that something must have happened to Kira to cause all the killing to stop. Apparently the Kira investigation team is going to be called off soon, because it's turning into a cold case. No leads, no new killing. It's like Kira's completely given up. Mello says Kira fits the description of a serial killer, but the method of killing puts him in a competely different category. Serial killers usually get involved in the killing, but apparently Kira takes a seat and just says who dies and who doesn't. There's no getting his hands dirty at all."  
Writers cramp used to be a bit of a pain, but nothing I couldn't handle. "So, what do you think? You're number three, aren't you? Do you think I'm Kira?" I asked casually, uncaring. It didn't really matter anymore. I used to be, and L had convinced me that there was no way I could ever be found out.

"Yeah, probably," Matt shrugged. "Personally, I don't really care. Mello keeps his nose clean and if you're Kira, then L's safe. But you can kill Near if you want. He's a total turd." He took a drag of his cigarette, drawing looks of contempt from customers in the other booths. "But then, Kira doesn't kill innocent people and Near is such a little bitch about the rules. Of course, Kira's been known to kill those people that are trying to hunt him down, right?"

"Right," I agreed dryly. I sipped my coffee, admiring the way Matt was honest in what he said, but really didn't reveal much. Matt really didn't seem to care about anything. Just Mello, and he hid it well from the blonde. "So...how long have you liked Mello?" I asked.

Matt let out a long breath and took a sip of his coffee before pulling a face and pouring in some extra milk before stirring. "A while, I guess."

"And how long is a while?"

"None of your business is how long," he muttered, sticking out his bottom lip in annoyed embarrassment. "You're the only one I've really told, besides Watari. He figured it out on his own."

"Does L know?"  
"You should know, he's your husband, isn't he?"

"We haven't talked about it."

"I dunno. Maybe he's figured it out, he's not stupid like Mello, who's more clueless than a goldfish."

"Mello's not clueless. You're just good at hiding things," I commented. "And I guess he's never really seen you as anything more than his sidekick."

"Sidekick. Nice choice of description," he murmured, eyes examining the patterns in the grain of the wooden table. "Not quite best friend, but the closest person to him. The only one he really trusts. And I can't even trust him with my own fucking feelings."

"You know him in and out. I'm guessing he's a bit of a guy who likes to get around from bed to bed, and you aren't, and you want a little commitment from him."

"I don't want him to change who he is just for me," Matt said, a little hotly.

"So...you two didn't even kiss at the wedding?" I asked over the rim of my mug. "Why didn't you just tell him how you felt?"

"We kissed," he nodded, swallowing, head lowering.  
"And how was it?" I pressed. "Was it good?"

"He just laughed and said he'd been drinking too much. And then he went off with Chikayo..."

"Oh," I managed, frowning. Poor Matt. It was clear that he loved Mello a lot, but just didn't know how to say it. Stupid Mello for being so thick he couldn't see it.

"What do I do?" he asked, in a voice so low that I wasn't sure I had heard it at first. His eyes met mine, trying not to show his inner anguish. I stirred my coffee thoughtfully for a moment.

"Tell him," I said finally. "Nothing can happen otherwise. And if he rejects you, you'll still be friends, right? You never know, maybe he's liked you this whole time but he's always thought you were into girls or something."

"Mello and I aren't friends."

"Oh. I thought you were."  
"I don't know what we are exactly," Matt shrugged, crossing his arms on the table and resting his chin on them, eyes watching the bustling around us. "I'm just the guy that looks after him and cleans up after him. He'd never see me as anything else. Mello would never settle down. He's just not that kind of person."

I wanted to tell him not to give up, to give it a shot, but I knew he was right. He knew Mello a lot better than I did, and I knew Mello wasn't the sort to stick with one guy. I finished my coffee and sat up. "Ready to go?" I asked, straightening my jacket. He nodded and slowly got to his feet and shuffled behind me back to the car. We got the shopping we needed before heading home, not making much conversation. He followed me into the kitchen, carrying my umbrella, swinging it around apathetically, but I could see that his mind was still racing a mile a minute over what we had been discussing.

"Light, about time!" Mello exclaimed, stomping into the kitchen in his large combat boots, the various rosaries around his neck generating noise against his chest. "Don't you ever check your fucking phone?"

I pulled it out of my pocket and turned it on, frowning as I noticed how many calls and texts I had missed from him. "Did you want something?" I asked, trying to think of anything we were out of in the fridge. Did he want more chocolate?  
"Do you have Chikayo's number?" Mello asked. "I didn't get it off him at the wedding."

"Why do you want it?" I asked suspiciously.

"He left something behind and I wanted to return it." Mello pulled out something orange out of his pocket and stretched it back, shooting it at me, a broad grin on his face.  
"Ugh!" I thew the underwear back at Mello. "Keep it to yourself, will you?" I was surprised Mello wore underwear at all. I glanced at Matt who was pouring himself a glass of milk, back turned to Mello, his posture stiff and defensive.

"So, why do you want Chikayo's number?" I asked Mello again. Mello held up the underwear, raising an eyebrow as if questioning my sanity. I grimaced. "Why the hell would you have his underwear?" I questioned, over this stupid game.

"Uh, because I _fucked_ him," Mello said slowly, as if I were retarded.

"Whatever," I snorted, taking a bannana and unpeeling it.

"I did," Mello insisted. "He was bigger than that bannana."

"Get lost," I scowled, striding out of the kitchen. Mello's jokes really weren't that funny. And to say that in front of Matt wasn't that nice. Of course, Mello was pretty thick for a genius, so he wouldn't know how much a little joke like that would hurt him.

***

I looked at the alarm clock, feeling wide awake. Three in the morning. Far too early to be awake. I tried for a while to get back to sleep, but could only toss restlessly, frustrated with boredom. L was asleep beside me, his breathing quiet yet filling my ears with the sound. I didn't want to wake him, he barely slept as it was. As he always told me, he only slept because I wore him out so much. Perhaps I wanted _him _to wear _me _out right now. I reached through the darkness and stroked his bare arm under the covers, shivering with delight and stiffled a nervous chuckle.

It was hard to believe I was married to him. That I was allowed to touch him, that he wanted it as much as I did. I moved closer, moulding myself around his back, my groin against his bottom, getting a little excited as I felt the curve of his two cheeks and the way I could nestle so perfectly between them.  
I let my hand rest on his hip for a while, stroking the soft skin there, before moving to cup him between the legs, feeling a little tingle shot through me, starting my flame.  
"...Light?" L murmured, voice filled with sleep. I froze for a moment, ashamed I had woken him, but a little excited at the same time. I kissed his shoulderblade.

"I can't get to sleep."

"I see," he said, a smile in his voice as he rolled over to face me, throwing his leg over my own. He lowered his face down to kiss me before rubbing his dark eyes, and shook the hair out of them, though it was too dark to see anything but his sillouette cast by the streetlights outside of the window through the curtain.

"I can't get back to sleep and I'm bored," I told him, reaching up to capture his nipple between my fingers and rubbing lightly. He kissed the top of my head, shifting and becoming more awake. It hardened at my touch, and his hand captured my own, letting it brush along his collarbone, trailing along the skin of his chest.

"So you were bored and could think of nothing better than to wake me?" he teased, kissing my fingertips.  
"I just wanted...to touch you," I said, cheeks burning.

"You can touch me whenever you like," he smiled, nuzzling my neck. "Whenever and wherever, provided you allow me that same pleasure."

"You touch me where and when you like anyway," I grimaced, stroking his hair, cradling his head as he captured the skin of my neck between his lips in a slight nip. His chest rumbled with his muffled amusement, his hands rubbing my sides.

L pulled back and fell against his pillows, releasing me. "Go ahead, then."

"Huh?"

"Touch me. I want you to touch me, Light."

"Oh," I mumbled faintly, glad he couldn't see me flush in the darkness, but just as I could somehow sense his grin, I knew he could tell anyway. I moved to straddle him, feeling just as nervous as my first time had been. L never let me take so much control like this. He was the one that had always directed our movements.

I moved my hand tentatively across his chest and trailed it down his front, my heart beginning to thump a little wildly. L's hands moved to rest on my hips, but he moved no further, allowing me to make all the moves. I fingered his nipples, feeling them steadily grow harder and his own lungs begin to heave a little quicker than before. He gave a slight moan, arching his back slightly but tried to disguise it by shifting against the pillows a little as if trying to gain a more comfortable position.

I took a deep breath, letting it out quietly. I reached down to kiss him, then replaced my fingers with my tongue, swirling it over and around the buds of hardened pleasure. L's fingers dug into my hips slightly as he fought to control himself, making me grin as I fingered and squeezed one nipple and sucked and nibbled on the other. "Oh...Light..." he breathed, shifting uncomfortably beneath me, holding my hips and trying to move them against himself. I let out a moan and revolved my hips, rocked myself, grinded myself against him, trying to touch him in just the right places.  
"Ah! Light!" he cried out, not meaning to. He covered his mouth with one hand, but this little slip of passion made me hungry for him, but it still wasn't time yet enough to take off my underwear which was starting to become more noticable against my skin as I grew within them. I licked L's chest, raked my fingernails against his skin lightly, wanting him but resisting. It was either growing quite stuffy in the room, or it was just our arousal, as sweat began to bead upon our skin, and there was certainly a great deal of almost painful throbbing between my legs. There was a tingle in my toes and a quiver in my thighs from the strain. I nearly came there, merely moving myself atop him, just from the thought of how hungry I was for him. L was hard beneath me, but I would deal with his need in a minute. He wasn't quite ready yet, I judged.  
I rubbed my own nipples, my eyes screwed tightly shut as goosebumps rose along my arms. Slowly, I ran my fingers down my front, along my hot belly and slid them down the elastic band of my underwear to meet my hot and slightly moist member. I wrapped my fingers around it, eyes opening with amazement at how swollen I was, my legs clenching L's sides slightly when I pulled back my foreskin and rubbed the sensitive tip. I bit my lip, but that didn't quite stop the rasping cry that escaped my throat.

"Oh, Light," L moaned, now shifting more impatiently. I rubbed the throbbing vein beneath my length, shuddering, but I couldn't handle any more. I reached onto the dresser and retrieved the lubricant and hurriedly slathered it along L's eager member. I couldn't move fast enough to remove my underwear and gave a loud, long cry as I lowered myself upon him, sinking him deep within me. He hit a powerful spot within me on that angle, making a cry choke up within me. I was unable to move for a moment, but when I regained some senses, I began to move wildly against him, riding him hard and with a needful speed.

I hadn't heard L be so vocal before, as he gave out cries and groans as I landed our thrusts, the sound of our movements filling my ears. L's hands gripped my hips tightly, possibly leaving bruises, but I wasn't objecting as he pulled me harder against him and lifted me up with considerable force. "Oh! Oh...Oh!" he groaned, legs twisting beneath me, knees bending with his orgasm.  
I covered my organ with my hands as I came, flooding my hands with the white seed as I ground out a primitive cry. After a few thrusts, I fell against his chest, panting for breath, his skin uncomfortably hot beneath my already inflamed cheek. He caressed my hair as he slowly began to relax, and kissed the top of my head.

"That was wonderful," he told me, a fond smile in his voice. I buried my face into his chest, a modest smile breaking out on my lips.

"It was great," I agreed. I lay there for a long while, content for a while, but becoming increasingly aware of the semen on my fingers. I finally sat up, careful not to touch anything as I padded into the bathroom, hearing L get off of the bed and follow me. "Can you turn on the taps for me?" I asked, as he flicked on the lights. He studied my hands which I held away from my body.  
"Is there something wrong?" he asked.

"I came on my hands," I admitted, trying to fight back the embarrassed blush. L rolled his eyes, took one of my hands and brought it to his lips. His tongue emerged to slowly carress the length of my forefinger, before drawing it into his mouth and sucking on it smoothly. I smiled and rested my forehead against his own, gazing into his dark orbs, the reflection of the lights giving the appearance of stars, as if I were looking at the most beautiful night sky.

L washed me slowly, his eyes never leaving my own, as if he could see a similar expanse of universe in them. He dried me with a towel before carrying me to bed and snuggling around me, stroking my hair until I fell asleep.

***

"...Light...Light...Time to get up, Light."

I groaned and rubbed my heavy eyes. "Ugh..."

"It's time to get up, beautiful."

I blinked for a moment, my eyes adjusting to the brightness, realising the curtains were pulled open and L was smiling down at me. "I thought I'd let you sleep in for a while," he explained, holding out the clock so I could read the glowing red numbers. "You're running a little late."

"A little?" I squeaked, sitting up. I pushed the blankets off and dashed around, looking for my underwear which was nowhere to be seen.

"What are you looking for?" L asked, leaning against the wall, watching my mad panic.

"My underwear. Clothes. Where's my uniform? And my bag?"

"Looking for these?" L asked, holding up a familiar pair of underwear. I snatched them from him and shimmied into them quickly, wishing I could pay more attention to L who was watching me closely. I managed to retrieve my uniform, but had trouble with the pants, tripping over and falling with a loud thud on the floor.  
"Slow down," L laughed, glowing with warmth as he helped me to my feet. I kissed his cheek in thanks before yanking on my socks and scrambled to fetch my school bag.

"I'm so late," I complained as I stuffed my books into the bag messily. "Why didn't you just wake me earlier?"

"We had a busy morning, and I thought you could do with a little rest," he told me, tossing something at me. I caught the jangling keys one handed. I raised a brow.  
"You don't expect me to drive the Thing to school, do you?"  
"Matsuda isn't here to give you a lift. He's off to visit his sister and pick up his nephew. You don't want to be late, do you?"  
"Don't you have work?" I asked, as he followed me to the kitchen.

"I do, but it's on hold. Watari is driving Mello and Matt to the airport today."

"What? They're leaving?" I was stunned. "I won't get to say goodbye?"

"They'll be back in a month or so. Not very long," L told me, comforting. "Someone Mello was close to had passed away and he wanted to catch the first flight he could."

"Mello? Close to someone?" I snorted, raiding the fridge for some fruit which I stuffed into my bag.

"You sound surprised."

"I thought Mello wasn't close to anyone. Not even Matt."

"It's an old lover of Mello's. They broke up, but they still kept in contact. As you could assume, it is rather painful for Mello."  
"It'd be painful for Matt."

"I suppose so," L agreed, ushering me to the garage, scooping up my shoes for me along the way. I pulled them on before sliding into the Thing, shoving the key into the ignition. "I'll let Mello and Matt know you said goodbye," he told me, kissing my lips softly.

"Thanks," I grimaced, turning the car on. "Are you _sure _there isn't some other car I can drive around?"

"Go, you're already late," L smiled. I gave him one last lingering kiss before backing out and taking the impossible long and torturous drive to school. I made sure the windows were up and I pulled up my collar, slumping as far in my seat as I could, glancing around every now and then, paranoid that there were people watching me. Judging me. I could just hear the thoughts of the other students when I'd pull up at school.  
_"Oh my god, is that Light Yagami driving that Mini Cabrio?"  
"You're right, it is. It's such a sexy red. Nightfire red. Wow, looks like Light is gay."  
"I always thought so."  
"Yeah, so did I. Only a gay guy could drive something like that."_

I shuddered, and parked a few blocks away from the school, running the rest of the way. There was no way I was going to let anyone see me step out of it. I was a fifteen minutes late as I fell into my usual chair in Modern History.

"Wow. Light Yagami, late for class? That's a first," Chikayo snorted, swinging back on his chair from in front of me. I fanned myself with my book, pulling on my collar. "Did you run all the way?"

"Nah," I breathed, seeing the dirty look cast by our teacher. "I drove, but I parked near that law firm."

"Why'd you park all the way out there? Why couldn't you just use the school's parking lot?" he whispered.

"Its a Mini Cabrio. There's no way I want to be seen driving it in public."

"Why?"  
"Because its gay," I mouthed, using my hand to sheild my lips from the veiw of anyone watching other than Chikayo.

"You're crazy," he muttered, turning away. I scowled at the back of his head and flipped open my text book. What would he know? He obviously hadn't seen a real Mini Cabrio then. At the end of class, Chikayo waited for me as I took the time to repack my things more neatly, when I felt a tug on my sleeve.

"Mr Yagami?"

I turned to look down at Arisa Ajibana, a girl whom I knew reasonably well. "What can I do for you, Miss President?" I smiled, seeing the familiar large panda bear in her arms. She was one of the top students at the school, and the School Council President, as well as one of the cutest girls I had ever seen, with her large jade green eyes and her light brown hair and the slightest dusting of freckles across her small nose.

"There's a student council meeting in at lunchtime in our usual classroom. Could you please tell Miss Matsumoto and Miss Minase for me?" she asked.  
"Sure," I nodded, slinging my bag over my shoulder. "I'll let them know."

"Thank you, Mr Yagami. Have a nice day, Mr Karasuma."

"Right back to you, Arisa," Chikayo said, unable to stiffle his usual snort at the way Arisa named people by their surnames. I shoved my elbow into his ribs and walked with him to our next class.

"You know, Chikayo, why didn't you ever go for sports captain?" I asked. "You're always on all the sports teams, and you're the best tennis player in the school..."

"You're not a bad tennis player yourself," he pointed out. "Hanging up your racket? What kind of crap is that?"

"I needed more time to study. Tennis isn't really a skill that detectives need."

"So, you're still set on being a detective?"  
"I married one, didn't I?" I muttered to him, with a grin. "He's pretty good at finding lost things." Like my underwear.

"Mello's a detective."

"Yeah. Apparently someone he used to date died, so he and Matt are flying out today. I didn't even get to say goodbye," I told him, letting my disapointment colour my voice. "I didn't even get Matt's number."  
"What would you need Matt's number for?"  
"So I can send him cheesy pick up lines that he can use on Mello."

"Matt likes Mello...?" Chikayo frowned, missing a step. I nodded.

"I thought it was kind of obvious, actually."

"Oh, yeah, I suppose, now that I really think about it. I just...didn't think Mello was that interested though," he said, lowering his head so his fringe covered his eyes. "So...this person that died...used to date Mello?"

"Yeah, I think so. That's what Ryuzaki said." I gave a snort of laughter. "You should have heard this stupid joke Mello made the other day. He wanted your number, because he reckoned you left your underwear behind at our place and he wanted to return them."

"Oh," he said, cheeks reddening and giving a short laugh. I gave him a sympathetic look.

"Well, I guess it isn't that funny. I mean, I didn't laugh at the time, but looking back on it...Mello can be a bit of a jerk...You're not like us, though. Don't worry, no one thinks you are."

"Yeah...I guess," he mumbled, stopping by a door to the guy's toilets. "I'll catch up with you in a minute."

"Sure," I nodded, feeling a little guilty for having brought up the subject. I hoped I hadn't upset him too much with Mello's joke about him being gay. Chikayo had dated girls before, I knew that.

***

"Well, I would say the meeting is officially over now," Arisa said, sipping her favourite apple juice from the little carton. "Thank you everyone, for taking the time to attend."

Most of the studen council began to leave, but I remained, with Kairi and Mitsu to eat our lunch with Arisa.  
"That's a really nice ring, Light," Kairi noted, seeing my hand as I lifted an apple to my mouth.

"Thanks," I smiled, flushing a little. "It's new."

"Who gave it to you?"

"Oh, you know...Ryuzaki."

"Wow, that's nice of him," Kairi smiled, a little line of confusion and curiosity on her brow. I decided to keep my mouth shut.

"Ryuzaki's quite the romantic," Mitsu said, winking at me slyly. "A great dancer, too."

"He doesn't seem to be, the way he walks all hunched over like that..." Kairi trailed off.

"I've seen him around the school," Arisa nodded. "I've actually met him once before, not too long ago, but I don't recall his name being Ryuzaki, actually. It was Hideki Ryuuga, and he was working with my step-father on a case."

"Really? Sure it was him?" Kairi asked, smiling kindly at the President. Arisa nodded firmly.  
"He has those shadows under his eyes, and he has that odd walk. And he always wears the same jeans and shirt."

I knew that Arisa was right, and I knew that her step-father was the detective Mogi, who was currently working on the Kira case.

"Well...that's odd," Kairi shrugged, her finger twirling in the end of her ponytail.

"Ryuzaki is actually a detective," Mitsu told them. "So, he probably changes his name around, right, Light?"

"Yeah," I murmured, warning her with my eyes to say no more. She rolled her own eyes and changed the subject to something innocent, but Kairi, who was a little shy naturally, let her curiosity override her.

"Aren't you Ryuzaki's roommate?"

"Yeah."

"So, wouldn't you know that he's a detective? How did you meet him?"

"My father is working on the same case as Arisa's, so I met Ryuzaki through the case," I bluffed.

"Why did he get you a ring? And it's on your wedding finger."

"Miss Matsumoto has a point," Arisa said, sipping her juice and hugging her panda a little more tightly. I tried to distract myself, tried not to look guilty, by examining the fact that Arisa's feet did not quite meet the floor on the chair that she sat on. "Of course, neither Ryuzaki nor Hideki Ryuuga could be his real alias, and between us four, Light Yagami's father and my own step-father are working on the Kira case. Everyone knows that the only person this Hideki or Ryuzaki could be is L. He's odd enough to be, and judging by Light's personality and the relationship he supposedly shares with this detective, I have no doubt in saying that this man is L."

"You assume a lot," I mumbled, putting my apple down, not feeling too hungry.

"Ryuzaki is L?" Kairi asked, surprised. "As in, the _famous_ L?"

"Yes," Arisa nodded, her green eeys watching me. "And that ring is curious. Why would you become a roommate with the world's greatest detective, Mr Yagami? You have a perfectly fine home with your parents, don't you?"  
"What're you saying, Madam President?" Mitsu encouraged, a broad smile on her face. Mitsu really hated keeping secrets, after all.

"What is your real relationship with L?" Arisa asked me, face impassive. I flushed and pretended to look at my wrist.  
"He's my roommate, nothing more. He's a friend. And I'd love to stay and chat a little longer, but it's almost time for chemistry."

"Mr Yagami...you're not wearing a watch," Arisa pointed out, a smug set to her lips. "I'm not the most unintelligent person, you know."

"Thanks for embarrassing me," I grumbled. I usually always wore a watch, but I'd obviously been caught off guard this morning when L had woken me up late and had forgotten to put it on. The habit of wearing a watch had come from the days when I had been Kira.

"You're..." Kairi trailed off, eyes widening with surprise. My ears burned as I gave the most tentative little nod. She let out a tiny squeal.

"What? Really? Why didn't you ever tell anyone? Wow, Light!" She blushed a little at her own outburst.

"Because I didn't want anyone to know," I said, glowering at Mitsu who was giggling cheekily.

"Don't worry Light, you can trust Miss President and Kairi," she promised.

"Yes. That goes without saying," Arisa told me firmly, reasurring me. I relaxed slightly. She gave an almost cheeky smile. "How could I have become the President if I was not trust worthy? We've known one another since we first started school together, always competing for the highest grades. Do you really have such little faith in me?"

"I do trust you...it's just that this is...a big thing for me," I told her. She stroked the head of her panda and sighed.

"To be honest, Light Yagami, I always thought you were a homosexual, and you and Mr Karasuma would end up together."

"W-what?" Mitsu spluttered, choking on her strawberry milk. "Chikayo...?"  
"Mr Karasuma, yes," Arisa nodded, smiling pleasantly.

"He's not gay, I dated him," Kairi spoke up, blushing. Arisa shrugged her small shoulders and sipped her juice.  
"It was always just a prediction of mine. I _have _been known to be wrong."

"Like when?" Mitsu challenged, giggling. "I can't really picture it. I mean, I remember the time I found Chikayo's porn stash when we were thirteen or fourteen. They were all girl magazines. And he's into sports...Though he does get fond of dancing with other boys when he's intoxicated..."

"He's not gay. I'd know if he was. He'd _tell _me," I pointed out, shaking my head. "I mentioned something about it today, and he got upset about it."  
"Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable telling people yet," Arisa suggested, resting her chin on her hand. "After all, Mr Yagami, you are still timid talking about your own sexuality right now."

"Who _could _feel comfortable?" I complained. "And why would Chikayo feel uncomfortable telling me? I'm gay, so it wouldn't matter."

"Light...you haven't seen the way Chikayo would look at you sometimes," Mitsu said gently, now becoming convinced.

"No way. Chikayo isn't gay," I insisted. Kairi was looking down at her lap, obviously filled with mixed beliefs. "Look, I can prove it to you. He isn't gay. Anyone who thinks that is clearly deluded." I ran my fingers through my hair. "I've got to go." I strode to the door and wrenched it open, accidentally slamming it shut. I almost wanted to open it and explain that it had been accidental, that I wasn't so frustrated or childish as to slam it, but something told me that doing so would only embarrass me further, so I continued to let my feet wander a familiar trail to the library.  
I hid myself in umongst the empty aisles in the law section and whipped out my phone, dialling a number that I knew by heart but had never really had to use before.

"Light? Are you okay? Has something happened?"

"No, I'm fine," I smiled into the phone. "Relax, L. I just wanted to ring you up...and tell you I love you."

"Oh," he said, clearly relieved. "I love you, too."

"You had better love me," I growled playfully, before sighing. "Everyone thinks Chikayo's gay."

"Who is everyone?" he asked, sympathetic.

"Mitsu...Her friend, Kairi and the school president. Well, Kairi's not really sure, because she's gone out with him before, and I told Chikayo about the jokes Mello's been making about him being gay and he got really upset. Him being gay is all I've been hearing lately, and I know it's not true. It's just stupid, I don't know why I'm letting it get to me."

"He's your best friend, Light, and you can do nothing more than support him." He paused. "Would you care if he were gay?"

"No. I think I'd be relieved," I snorted, stroking the spine of one of the ancient textbooks on the shelf in front of me. "I don't know, I can't even think of what I'd think, because I know it's impossible. He's not gay."

"Why isn't he?"

"Because he's dated a few girls. Three girls and Kairi was one of them, and she was his longest girlfriend. Three months."

"I see," he said, amused.

"Well, I think she was kind of hurt when he broke up wtih her, because she always goes kind of quiet around him. He can be a jerk sometimes, I guess...She liked him for ages, so I don't know why he broke up so suddenly with her...But that's all old news. I don't even know why I'm telling you."

"Because you're a concerned friend, and you want to do everything to protect him. That's only natural for you, Light."

"So...what are you up to?" I asked casually, changing the subject. Talking about Chikayo wasn't getting me anywhere.

"I? I'm eating some short cake that Watari left for me, and I'm about to attend a conference about whether the Kira investigation should be called off, as it's become common knowledge that Kira has stopped killing. It seems that Kira isn't even going to be hunted down for his previous kills, which I suppose is something I would normally continue to do myself...But that is unimportant. What _is _important, however, is Misa. She wasn't too happy at the wedding and I think you need to spend a little time with her, to help her adjust to life without Kira. Losing such power can be a little upsetting, and we need her on our side. We don't want her asking Rem to continue Kira's work."

"Why can't you spend time with her?" I complained, leaning against a bookshelf. I knew why I had to do this, I just didn't like to. I could almost sense his smile.

"Give her a call to see how she's doing. It can't hurt, after all, you've brightened up my day quite considerably just from hearing your voice with this surprise call."

"I'm glad," I murmured, wishing that he were by my side. "I love you."

"And I love you. I'm afraid I have to go, Light. Don't miss me too much, alright?"

"I miss you always," I told him, pouting slightly. He made a kissing noise into the phone, making me smile, and hung up. I held the phone to my ear for a few moments longer, listening to the beeping sound, as if it were only a trick and he would continue talking to me until the day ended and I could see him again.

"Light," Enah smiled, emerging from behind a bookshelf. I returned her smile as I sat down on the ground. She sat down beside me and offered me her bento. "I think I made too much this morning, if you would like to share."  
"You're eating in the library? Isn't that a crime?" I teased, declining the offer. Enah gave a melodic laugh and put the box back into her back.

"So, how have you been? I thought you would be on a wonderful honeymoon with L...Ryuzaki. I must say, I still find it hard to believe he's _the _L," she smiled.

"We were thinking about it, but we decided we'd go somewhere special when I finish school," I told her, noticing the pen she had tucked behind her ear. "Still writing in that diary?"

"I'm a story writer as well as a part-time murderer," she giggled. "It's handy to carry a pen around in case I get some new idea for a story."

"What kind of stories do you write?" I asked.  
"Oh, you know, romance," she mumbled, flushing, looking away shyly.

"Romance, huh?" I grinned.

"Yeah," she replied, a little flustered.

"What kind of romance?" Why was she so shy about this? It was quite amusing.

"Uh...Well...yaoi..." she near-whispered.

"Yaoi? Isn't that...?"  
"Guy on guy? Uh, yeah."

"Hmmn...I'd love to read some of your work then," I chuckled. "So I can see how close you are to how it really is."

"You'd know all about it," she agreed, giggling. The bell rang, interrupting us. I got to my feet and offered her a hand up, smiling at her.

"Thanks for inviting me to your wedding. I had a really great time," she told me.

"No, I should be the one thanking you for coming," I smiled. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

"It kind of gave me a little inspiration on my own stories," she admitted. "The whole happy ending thing. It's really sweet."

"It's more of a beginning though, not an ending," I pointed out, touched. She rumaged through her bag, and pulled some paper out of a large folder.

"Here. This is one I'm working on at the moment. Could you read it for me and tell me what you think? And be honest if you think it's crap," she said, worry clouding her eyes.

"I'd love to read it," I smiled, taking it from her. She smiled back, looking both relieved and full of excitement with a large measure of apprehension. "Don't worry. I won't hate it," I promised. She gave an embarrassed laugh, and walked with me to the library doors.

***

"See, I told you," I told him, pointing at The Thing. Chikayo wrinkled his nose and looked carefully at it. He walked around it twice, peering at it from different angles before finally speaking.

"Light...The car is perfect."

I had offered him a ride home, giving him the chance to see the car, but now I was seriously considering letting him walk home. "Get in before I change my mind," I growled, unlocking the door and sliding into the drivers seat.

"Mmn, it's still got that new car smell," Chikayo grinned, inhaling. I frowned as we drove off.

"I hate new car smell," I grumbled.

"No you don't, you just hate the new car smell of Sparkles," Chikayo laughed. He patted the dashboard fondly. "Don't worry, Sparkles, he didn't mean it. I still love you."  
"Its not Sparkles, its The Thing."

"Shush!" Chikayo urged me, covering his ears. "Don't be mean, Light."

"You're being an idiot."

"You're the one who's an idiot for not liking the car."

"Do you remember that time Lani got you a doll for christmas with its head removed? This is like then. You didn't want to hurt Lani's feelings so you kept it, even though you hated it."

"Headless dolls are creepy," he protested. "And this car is worth more than a stupid doll."

"Hmph."

"What did Mello think?" he asked.

"He liked it."

"Shame...Do you know when he'll be back?"

"In about a month or so, L told me. But guess who's coming to stay."

"Near? That kid was creepy." That coming from a guy who had Lani for a sister. Completely adorable, but twisted.

"Matsuda's nephew. Apparently he's a real delinquent, and Matsuda's supposed to straighten him out or something," I snorted. "I can't wait to meet him."

"How old is he?" Chikayo asked, fiddling with the radio. I shrugged.

"Our age, I think."

"School is almost over. Not long until exams. Should he really be moving homes at this time of year?"

"If he's a delinquent, it wouldn't really matter. Apparently he goes to a school near ours."

"I didn't know Matsuda was an uncle," he mused, finding a station.  
"He's got four sisters."

"That probably explains a few things," Chikayo laughed. I laughed with him, and began to sang with him as a familiar song came on the radio. Chikayo wanted to meet Matsuda's nephew, so I drove straight home.

"L! Matsuda!" I called out, entering the house. Chikayo and I dumped our bags in the hall and went to the kitchen, following our growling stomachs. I tossed Chikayo a packet of chips and followed him to the dining room where I heard voices arguing.

"...He's you're fucking problem now! I'm sick of his shit!"

"But I thought it was only for a few weeks-"

"I'm sick of it, you hear? Get that fucking smirk off your dirty mug!"

"How am I going to pay for him?"  
"I told you that I'd send you money! Aren't you supposed to be some hotshot detective anyway? You should be raking in the money, you live in this fucking palace after all!"

"I wouldn't go in there," Ryuk told me, in front of the door. I frowned, walking through. Matsuda was being shouted at by a tall woman who had his same dark hair in waves down her back and the same coloured eyes. She had bright red lipstick, and wore a tight black dress which accentuated her feminine curves, and one of her painted nails was pointing at a boy about my age sitting on a chair, arms folded, looking bored, almost unaware of the very heated arguement in front of him.

So, this was Matsuda's oldest sister and his young nephew? I studied the guy, who had very pale skin, a small nose, blue-grey eyes and large, spiky black hair that had patches of blood-red through it. He wore a ruffled black shirt with white and red lace, made in the lolita style, with a large aristocrat lolita styled coat, with black tight jeans and bright green converse to match. His ears were pierced twice, and he was fiddling with his tongue piercing.

"Reiko," Matsuda protested, looking very small in front of his imposing, bossy sister. "I can't look after him! I don't know anything about looking after kids!"

"Just let him do what he fucking wants, he will anyway," Reiko told him, reaching for her coat and handbag. "He's a fucking little shit!" She marched out past Chikayo and I, slamming the front door behind herself. Chikayo crunched loudly on a chip, a startling noise in the silence caused by her absence.

"So...Richie...What kind of stuff do you eat?" Matsuda asked, smiling uncomfortably.

"Just call me Nishimura," the boy replied, staring out of the window. "Or just Nishi."

"Sorry about all this, Light. My sister isn't usually like that. She's just stressed at the moment," Matsuda apologised. "She's normally really funny and nice."  
"A control freak," Nishi murmured, a twisted smile in the corners of his lips. "Cares about her appearance to the point that she'll discard anything that tarnishes her image. Such as me."

"So...Richie, this is Light Yagami, L's husband, and this is Chikayo, Light's friend," Matsuda told him, scratching the back of his neck, unsure of what to do.  
"Best friend," Chikayo added, grinning.  
Nishi remained silent, not looking at us. My brows drew together.

"L should be home around dinner. He's working late," Matsuda told me. "The conference is going to take a few days, and I'm supposed to be there, but I had to...be here for Richie."  
I wasn't sure if I should remind Matsuda that Richie had insisted upon being called by his last name.

"Are you staying for dinner, Chikayo?" Matsuda asked. Chikayo shook his head, mouth full of chips. "I was planning to make hotpot. Everyone loves hotpot, right?" He glanced at Nishi, as if expecting him to object. There was no objection...or any response at all.

Chikayo and I hung out for a while, and I drove him home. I never brought up the subject of how Mitsu and Arisa suspected he was gay, knowing it would upset him. And Kairi...she didn't know what to think. How could anyone think Chikayo was gay? I knew him. I could remember the day he had asked Kairi out.

_"Go on," I urged. "While she's packing up her things."_

_Chikayo stumbled over, a confident smile on his face, but his hands shaking. "Hey, Kairi. I was wondering..."_

_When he had returned, he put his face on the desk, his confidence dissipating instantly. "How did it go?" I asked. "Did she say yes?"_

_"Yeah. We're going on a date next week. Far out, my heart is racing so fast."_

_"Nerves catching up with you," I grinned, scruffing his already messy hair. He looked up, his eyes watching me, full of some strange emotion. He finally grinned back, then turned back to his desk. _

I thought things had been going well between Kairi and Chikayo, she practically adored him, and he was the sweetest guy. As far as I knew, Kairi had met Lani and she hadn't minded the little girl. I had asked Chikayo why he'd dumped her, and he had snapped, had told me to mind my own business. I hadn't asked again. But Mitsu had told me that Kairi had been just as confused as me. Now that it was in the past, maybe he would tell me.

"Hey, Chikayo...Can I ask you something?" I asked, as we drove. "Why did you dump Kairi that time?"

"I only asked her out because you and everyone else told me that we'd make a good couple, and I knew Kairi liked me. And she's a great girl, friendly, nice, cute, smart. But I...liked someone else, but they never noticed. I wasn't going to tell them, either. It was just never going to work out between us. It wasn't fair to Kairi, so I thought I'd end it. I didn't mean to hurt her, but I think she understood."

"Who did you like?" I asked, curious. "I don't remember you liking anyone."

"You wouldn't know them," he said quietly, eyes on the road ahead. "But they thought I was a good match with Kairi and I couldn't handle that."

"Sounds like she was totally clueless," I commented.

"Yeah, pretty much," he snorted, a little dryly. He didn't seem to want to talk after that, so I left the subject.

I dropped him off at his house and headed back home. L was there when I got back, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, drawing him into a kiss. "I missed you," I murmured, looking into his eyes. He smiled and toyed with the hair on my neck.

"And I missed you, my love." He kissed me gently, and sucked on my bottom lip. "How was your day?"  
"A lot better since I'm with you," I breathed in his ear, hugging him tightly. He held me for a long moment until Matsuda declared that dinner was ready. Seeing Matsuda sit next to his nephew, the similiarites between them became more obvious, such as their facial structure and their mannerisms. Ryuk floated around, obviously unsure who to play tricks on. He was curious as to see whether the quiet yet visually rebellious Nishi would respond like Matsuda.

He was also very enraptured by Nishi's wild hair and the red colour mixed with the black. I could see as he stroked it, making Nishi look around, frowning, that Ryuk was interested in having his hair in a similiar style.

After dinner, Nishi sat with Matsuda on the couch, watching a cooking show, which was one of Matsuda's favourites. Ryuk changed the channel on them a few times, laughing hysterically as Matsuda blamed the television, declaring that it needed to be fixed. L merely shook his head and read a book up in the soundproofed room. I sat on one of the swivel chairs beside him, unable to help myself from twirling around on it as I did my homework. This part of the house used to be sealed off to me, but since L had officially cleared my name, I was allowed in here, provided I didn't go searching through anything.

"What does 'dystopian' mean?" I asked, tapping my pacer against my lip. L didn't lift his eyes from his book as he reached over and tossed a dictionary at me. "The point of asking you is so I don't have to look it up myself," I grumbled. I flicked through the pages, searching, and frowned.

"It isn't in here," I complained. "It just has this; _'dys-, prefix, bad'_."

"_'Dys' _is a prefix, so it's added to the start of a word. It means 'bad'. So, look up 'utopia'," L told me, a small smile on his lips, yet his eyes blank, as if it were one word he had wished I had never found.

"I know what 'utopia' means," I protested. "It was the title of a book, about an island that had a perfect social and political system, a paradise."

"By Sir More in 1516," L nodded. "Utopia, a perfect place. Paradise. The word you want is 'dys-utopia', or correctly, 'dystopia'."

"So...a bad paradise?" I questioned.

L put his book down and stood up, leaning over to kiss my forehead. "Yes, my little dystopian prince. An anti-paradise. A false paradise. Don't you think that's what Kira was creating? Forcing the world to become a place with a perfect social and political system? This could bring up the argument about fighting for peace. Shouldn't peace be sought out by peaceful actions? Fighting is exactly what peace is against, and yet people take violent action to protect their peace."

My mind was filled with thousands of thoughts, swirling, leaving me reeling. L caressed my cheek gently for a moment before taking his book and leaving, shutting the door quietly behind himself. I turned to the computer behind me, studying my reflection in the black surface. Was that what I had been doing? Creating a dystopia? I did believe that peace should be achieved through peaceful action...so to create my utopia, I had to take actions that had no evil behind them? Taking the lives of evil people? Going back to the belief that taking the life of a criminal made you no less of a murderer? That was what I had first asked myself when I had found the Death Note. Killing people using it...did that make me a murderer? But I had reassured myself with the thought that murderers, that criminals deserved to die. A life for a life. But did taking their lives make me any better than them? L was trying to tell me that it was still wrong, despite how little they deserved to live.

I slammed my books shut and pushed them away, tired of thinking. I had given up Kira. I didn't want to think about justice ever again. It was just too grey. There was no black and white anymore.

Something was poking out between my books and I pulled it out, recognising Enah's story. I blinked with surprise and began to read, looking for a distraction.

***

When I headed down, Matsuda and Nishi had fallen asleep on the couch, each on seperate ends, as far away from each other as physically possible. I turned off the television, smiling at how similiar they looked when sleep softened their features. I found L in the bathroom adjoined to our bedroom, washing his face before bed, shirtless. I admired his form for a moment, before wrapping my arms around his waist and buring my face between his shoulderblades.

"Did I ever tell you that I love you?" I asked, smiling.

L chuckled and reached for a towel, drying himself. "Not often enough."

"I love you, I love you, I love you," I told him in one breath, squeezing him tightly.  
"What's this?" he asked, pulling Enah's story out of my hand.

"A story one of my friends wrote. Enah, she came to our wedding."

"Yes, I recall," L smiled, flicking through the pages. He paused on one page, voice filled with question. "_'Yutaka pressed his lips to Toshio's neck'_. Aren't those both boys names?"

"It's a yaoi story," I explained, taking it from him. "It's really good. She's an excellent writer."

"Yaoi? Isn't that...?"  
"Yeah. I told her I'd give her some feedback on what it's really like," I chuckled breathlessly. I was getting the most interesting idea. "Maybe we should do a run through of some of the scenes ourselves, just to check that she's got it right." I flicked through to a particular page and held it up. "Ahem. _'Yutaka scooped Toshio into his arms and carried him out of the kitchen to his bedroom, kissing him softly.'_"

"I'm assuming in this role play that you are Toshio?" L smiled.  
"No, I'm Yutaka," I said quickly. "You can be Toshio."  
"I don't think so. Toshio sounds like the uke to me," L teased, scooping me up into his arms. He carried me through to the bedroom and kissed me. "What next?"

"_'He gently placed Toshio on the bed and removed his shirt, gasping at the perfection of the younger boy's body. Toshio blushed, very self-concious. Yutaka found this appealing and very cute'_," I read grumpily. L put me down on the bed and helped me out of my shirt, letting out a dramatic gasp. I laughed and pulled him into a kiss.

"Are you sure that kiss is in the script?" L breathed against my lips, finding this funny. I tossed the story to the floor and pulled him over me, hooking my legs over him. He kissed me hungrily, becoming deliciously serious in his role of seme. "I love you," he whispered in my ear. I moaned, kissing his shoulder, raising his skin in gooseflesh. I bit into it gently, sucking. L gasped, his hips jerking, grinding against my own. I slipped hands along the bare skin of his back and slipped them into his jeans, groping his buttocks, holding the soft yet tight skin, pressing him closer to me.

He kissed the tip of my nose, my collarbone and sucked on my nipples, coaxing them to a hardness that was almost painful. I buried my face into his dark, messy hair, inhaling his wonderful clean scent that spoke of fruit, of apples. I brought one hand to his chest, tracing his beautiful contours. His hand met my own, and entwined our fingers together.

"Lawliet," I breathed, as his lips sent shivers down my spine. He sat up and pulled off his jeans, reaching for the lubricant. I removed the rest of my own clothing, but when I made to lay back down, he placed his hands on my waist and positioned me. He was kneeling, and he pulled me onto his lap, guiding himself into me. I gasped and writhed, his lips pressed tightly to my neck, arms wrapped tightly around me, hugging me. I leaned back into him, so I could feel his nipples against my back, revelling in the feel of the sliding caress as he pushed in fully, filling me. From this new position, as I rocked with him, he touched new places, had me crying out, my fingers tangling in his hair, reaching behind myself to do so. L cried out with me, buried his face in my hair, bit my shoulder to muffle many of his sounds. His hands rested between my legs, stroking so softly it threatened to drive me insane. Together we came, his breathless moan and my own strangled cry filling the room. He held me to him for a few moments longer, before he lay down on his side, taking me with him.

"Lawliet..." I sighed, content. L kissed the back of my neck, rubbing my stomach lightly. "Fall asleep with me," I whispered, starting to drift off to sleep.

"My love," I heard him breathe, buring his lips into my hair.

***

"Do you always make that much noise?" Nishi asked as I entered the kitchen, seeing him munching on some toast.  
"Huh?"

"When you're fucking. Do you always make so much noise? It woke me up last night. But Uncle Matsu could probably sleep through the end of the world," Nishi supposed.

"Uh...sorry," I flushed, mortified. L and I hadn't been _that _loud, had we? "So...um...would you like me to drop you off at school? I promised Chikayo I'd drive him, and your school is only five minutes away, right?"

Nishi gave a slight shrug, munching on his toast.

"Looks like rain," I noted, looking out of the window.

"Hey, Light, we're out of apples," Ryuk complained, entering the kitchen. "Go shopping and get me some."

If he was going to be rude about it, Ryuk was going to get nothing. I sipped my coffee, relishing the wonderful taste. L hated coffee, but I had no idea why. Coffee was the liquid of gods. I snorted, thinking of how I had once pictured myself as a god, as Kira.

"ARGH!" I heard Matsuda scream. I jumped and put my coffee down, racing upstairs. Ryuk followed me, looking totally bewildered.  
"I swear I didn't do anything," the shinigami told me. I barged into Matsuda's room, where the detective was standing on top of his bed, pointing at a snake on the floor. I jumped back in fear.

"Whoa!" Its tiny tongue darted out, tasting the air. It was about a meter long, an almost olive yellow colour with black spot-like patterns. Its evil, unblinking eye had a dark stripe which extended to the corner of its mouth.

"L!" I shouted, instantly getting a chill. L had gone out this morning. What if our shouting enraged the snake? What if it bit us? Would we be dead in seconds? Or was it one of the kinds with venom that killed you slowly and painfully?

Someone pushed past me, and I tried to fling out an arm to stop them. Nishi knocked my hand out of the way and casually picked up the snake, letting it curl around his wrist. I stared faintly at him.  
"Is...is that your snake?" I asked, mouth dry. Nishi nodded, stroking its little head.

"This is Hebi," he announced, before striding out of the room casually. Matsuda, Ryuk and I stayed there for a moment, speechless, when Matsuda leapt off the bed and raced out of the door.  
"Richie! Who the hell told you that you could have a snake here?" he shouted, furious. Ryuk and I followed, to see Nishi spin around to face Matsuda, raising a brow. As soon as Matsuda spotted the snake, he jumped back in fear. "Get it away!" Matsuda begged, running to stand behind me. I eyed the legless thing, not wanting it anywhere near me.

"Hebi's not poisonous," Nishi told us, almost impatiently. "He's a Taiwan-Suzio, a Taiwan Beauty Snake. They're perfect pets."

"I don't care," Matsuda moaned. "Get it out of here, please!"

"Why don't you hold it, Uncle Matsu?" Nishi offered, holding out his offending arm. Matsuda gave a cry, looking very pale and sweaty. "Or you, Light?" I shook my head hurriedly, giving a smile to show I wasn't afraid, but my wide eyes probably giving me away. "Hebi won't hurt you," Nishi scowled, stroking Hebi's back with a finger.

"Light," Matsuda begged, "tell him that he's not allowed to keep it."

"Keep what?" L asked, oblivious as he entered, carrying a newspaper and a cream bun. He spotted Hebi wrapped around Nishi's wrist and raised his brow. "Nice snake."

"Thanks," Nishi smirked, thrusting out his hips jestingly. I grimaced, becoming grumpy.

"You two should be getting ready for school," L noted, glancing at the clock on the wall. "It's getting late.  
"L, is he allowed to have a snake?" I asked, trying not to sound like I was whinging.

"I don't see why not," L mused, scratching his chin. He took a bite of his bun and continued to read the front page, striding unafraid past Nishi to the kitchen.

"Why are you letting him keep it?" Matsuda demanded, following L. L frowned at him.

"Well...I suppose it is because I trust Nishimura enough that he wouldn't bring a dangerous animal into the house. He is your nephew, Matsuda, and therefore, I conclude that underneath, he is just as responsible as you are."

"Responsible? I found that thing in my room this morning!"

"He was sunning himself. The sun rises first in your room, so it would be warmer in there for Hebi," Nishi told his uncle, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'm going to kill him," Matsuda muttered, shaking his head.

"Let's just forget it, okay?" I offered. I finished my breakfast and got ready for school, finding Nishi waiting for me by the Thing. "You know, I kind of thought you were going to bring Hebi with you to school," I grinned, joking. Nishi remained serious.

"I was going to, but L made me keep it here."  
"Well, let's just hope Hebi's still in one piece by the time we get back," I frowned, picturing Matsuda armed with oven mitts, an egg flip and a large knife with little bits of Hebi all chopped up on the floor. Nishi shrugged.

"So...Uh..." I was unsure what to say. I was rather curious about Nishi. He seemed to be completely fine with L and I being together, and he had made that comment this morning...Was he gay? I didn't want to be rude and ask outright, but then, Nishi didn't seem to follow the normal social rules like everybody else did.

Nishi and I didn't talk at all on the drive, and made no comment when Chikayo came in the car, yawning, shirt half-unbuttoned, tie hanging off his shoulders, hair scruffy and eyes filled with sleep.

"I'm so over this whole school thing," Chikayo managed, trying to straighten himself up. "I can't wait 'till it's all over." I made an agreeable noise as I pulled away, slumping down in my seat as usual so no one would see me driving such a gay car.

"Is your school just up this road?" I asked Nishi, making a turn.

"Yeah, but can you just pull over here?" he asked, pulling his bag on.

"You're not wagging school are you?" I frowned, unsure whether I should call Matsuda about it.

"No," Nishi snorted. "I just don't want to be seen in this kind of a car. Or in any car with you, Mr Perfect."

"He's got a point, Light," Chikayo teased. I grumbled to myself and pulled over, letting Nishi out. I gave him the gayest wave I could, fluttering my eyelashes.

"Have a good day, sweetie," I shouted at him. Nishi rolled his eyes. "I'll pick you up after school okay, same spot."

"He's got style," Chikayo grinned, pointing out the fact Nishi wasn't wearing a uniform. Instead, he wore the same worn black jeans from yesterday, a black sweater with a black coat with his bright green shoes. I looked down at Chikayo who broke the rules by wearing his richly coloured red converse, which accentuated his reddish coloured hair.

"You won't believe what happened this morning," I told him, proceeding to explain the incident with Hebi. At the end, Chikayo gave a thoughtful look.

"Do you suppose he's gay?" he wondered aloud. I shrugged.  
"I don't know. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. I mean, you don't mind me being gay. That's one guy, right? Matsuda doesn't count as straight though," I added quickly. "I have no idea how he became a detective, he can't even find his socks in the mornings. He should have been a chef instead."

"Light...Remember...when I said it was weird...finding out you were gay?" he asked hesitantly.

"Mmn?"

"Well, it was weird...it _is _weird, because I'm-"  
"Hey!" I shouted, slamming on the brakes, honking the horn. "That lady just cut me off! Where the hell did she learn how to drive?" My heart pounded with the adruptness of the near-accident. "If she so much as scratched The Thing, I'd rip her hubcaps off and shove them up where the sun doesn't shine!"

"So, you care about Sparkles now, do you?" Chikayo teased, distracting me.

"No," I spluttered. "I don't! L paid good money for it, I don't want to go ruining it, that's all."

"Sure," he grinned. There was something very forced about the grin, but I shrugged it off. I found a parking spot and we walked to school together, with me denying any feelings for the car.

***

Over next week, I got to know Nishi a little better and was surprised but still pleased when he and Chikayo became good friends. Nishi's mother had left Japan, and had intended for Nishi to live with us until he inclined to leave, once he finished school and had gotten a job or application for university. I didn't mind, as I grew used to Nishi and his odd ways, the way he preferred to show in actions rather than words what he was trying to convey.

Slowly, I learned that Nishi generally didn't like many people, but had a soft spot when it came to L, as if my husband were like an older brother. While he had no real fondness for humans, he adored animals, in particular Hebi. I was amazed when Chikayo held the snake without any fear. I still found Hebi as fearful company. I didn't care if he was more scared of me than I was of him. He was still a snake!  
Before long, Chikayo wanted to get a snake of his own, and was rattling off facts with Nishi about them, about how snakes couldn't blink, how they had no external ears and listened through vibrations in the ground.  
I was content with life, even if every few days I had to pay Misa a visit. She was a little easier to handle now, I supposed. She loved me more than Kira, I supposed, as she made no attempts to ask for her Death Note back, and by now, I suspected L had destroyed them. Misa had gotten a job as the lead actress in a movie, and had her own label of makeup. Mitsu enjoyed spending time with her, so I didn't have to pay too much attention to her. Oddly enough, sometimes when I went to visit Misa, Ryuk would come with me, claiming he was tired of being cooped up in the house, but I found it rather obvious that he only did it so he could spend time with Rem who was in no way accepting of him.

L helped me study for my exams, even if he put more seriousness into eating Matsuda's treats than helping me with my maths. I passed all of my exams easily, wondering what all the fuss had been about, and before I knew it, I had a family of my own with L, Ryuk, Matsuda, Nishi and Hebi.

I finally got the confidence to drive The Thing into the school's parking lot, surprised when people crowded around, admiring it. But I still fondly named it The Thing. Sparkles was too girly for my little man machine.

"I'm so glad school is almost over," Chikayo sighed, sitting beside me. "My parents are nagging me constantly about applying for university."  
"What kind of courses do you want to do?" I asked, knowing the feeling of being nagged by L to make applications.

"Construction, engineering, that kind of thing. When I was a kid I just thought I was going to be a tennis player forever."  
"It's been a while since I last played," I mused.

He yawned and mussed up his hair with his fingers. "So what kind of courses do you want to do?" he asked. I shrugged.

"It all depends with my results, but I'm hoping I'll get into To-oh."

"Hoping? You aced those exams, you always finished them with plenty of time to spare. It's practically garanteed. You know, I think I really should have paid more attention in class," he frowned, reflecting.

"So, got any plans this afternoon?" I asked, watching the clock and noticing our teacher was late.  
"Yeah, I'm going to see a movie with a friend," Chikayo answered, looking at his hands, the slightest blush drifting across the perfect planes of his cheeks.

"A friend, huh?" I pressed, grinning. His blush deepened, but he shook it off.

"Yeah, just a friend."

"Right, and I'm the Chief of Police."  
"You're going to be, one day," he pointed out, scowling. "So, what about you? What are you doing this afternoon?"

"Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to go shopping with me, Mitsu and Kairi," I mused. "But you know, you should definately go on that date. If you're interested in someone, you should go for it."  
"Gee, thanks. Only, it's not a date!"

"Whatever," I snorted.

"So, why did you want me to go shopping with you anyway? Were you hoping to set me up with Kairi?" he asked, sarcastically. I remained silent, forcing myself not to flush guiltily. Chikayo knew me too well. "Light!" he cried, in annoyance.

"It was Mitsu's idea," I protested. "We thought you two should give it another chance. It's not like you're still hung up about that other girl, is it?"  
"Why don't you try to get Mitsu a boyfriend? Get her more involved in her own life than messing with mine?"

"She's got one," I told him.

"Oh," he said simply, taken aback. "Who is it?"

"Masakuni Nanba," I answered.

"Him? But he's a total jerk," Chikayo frowned. I nodded and shrugged.

"So...what movie are you going to see?" I asked, changing the subject.

"If I tell you, are you going to comment about whether its appropriate for a date?"  
"Uh...yes," I grinned.

"It's not a date, and we're seeing a horror movie."

"Ah, so when she gets scared, she can jump into your open arms," I teased. "Good thinking."

"Actually, I think I'm going to be the one doing all the screaming," Chikayo frowned. I smiled, remembering the times when Mitsu, Chikayo and I would watch a horror movie and Chikayo would sit in between us, eyes glued to the screen and clutching my arm. Mitsu was always disapointed that she didn't get to sit next to me, so spent most of the movie sulking, and I would sit there, wishing I could feel my fingers which were crushed by Chikayo's frightened grip. He loathed zombie movies the most.

"You know, maybe you should see a movie where you're not going to embarrass yourself," I chuckled.

"I haven't seen a horror movie in ages, and I'm not a little kid anymore."

"That's what you said early last year, when we were sixteen. You were practically wetting your pants."

"Yeah, well, it was scary," he muttered.

***

Kairi, Mitsu and I sat in my favourite coffeeshop, relaxing. My arms ached where the two girls had burdened me with with their purchases. Usually, Chikayo and I had always shared Mitsu's bags between us, and I was ever the gentlemen, offering to carry both girls' things.  
Mitsu had been buying new clothes, whereas Kairi had been more interested in buying books. Of course, Mitsu was very persuasive...or perhaps just wouldn't take no for an answer and had made Kairi buy some sweater that apparently made her eyes stand out more. I wasn't sure how Mitsu's logic worked, but I had to agree that it did look nice on her.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I checked it, opening a text. "Mmn, Matsuda wants me to pick Nishi up from the movies when I head home."

"I'm so glad you have a car," Mitsu sighed happily, sipping her milkshake through a curly straw. "Now you can drive me around everywhere. And Sparkles is a mini, which is even more cool."

"That's it, now I'm not driving you anywhere," I snorted. "Its The Thing, not Sparkles."

"But Sparkles is a much nicer name," Kairi pointed out, giggling.

"Why can't I have a rich, famous detective as a boyfriend?" Mitsu complained. "Then I can go shopping everyday, and be spoilt like you."  
"I don't want to be spoilt," I told her, shaking my head. "I want to give L as much as he gives me, and I don't have any reputation or money." I had been a god, once...but I had ended that...

"That's not the point, Light. You two were made for each other," Mitsu told me, determined. "Everyone can see that."

"So...who is Nishi?" Kairi asked, taking a bite of her cake.

"Well, there's this guy, Matsuda, who works with L. He lives with us, and Nishi is his nephew. He's our age, but he goes to a different school," I explained. "We're kind of a family. See, I'd help Matsuda in the kitchen, because Matsuda loves to cook. Nishi and L try out whatever we make. That's our big bonding time." And Ryuk tries to mess everything up, I added silently and fondly.

"My family doesn't do any bonding," Mitsu complained, then paused. "No, actually, now that I think about it, there's no way I could spend any time with my parents. My father is a total dork and my mother is always on the phone."

"Well, at least you know you're not adopted," I teased. Mitsu was always out of credit from texting too much, and she hated being called dorky. Mitsu rolled her eyes as Kairi laughed with me.

"We should go," I said, finishing my coffee. "It's getting late, and I don't want to make Nishi wait."

I helped them to the car, putting their things in the boot. They sat in the back, so Nishi could sit in the front, and we headed off to the movies which wasn't too far away.

"Should we get out and look for him?" I suggested. Kairi nodded, and I gave her a quick description of him. We walked over to the entrance, when I heard a laugh in the distance, towards the alley on the right. I could have sworn I saw Chikayo step into the darkness, pushing someone.

"I think I saw Chikayo," I grinned, pointing. "I forgot he had a date here tonight. Let's go spring him." I started towards the alley before Mitsu and Kairi could reply. I came to a halt when I saw something I could never believe would happen.

Chikayo had Nishi pinned against the brick wall of the alley and was kissing him hungrily, Nishi's fingers entangled in Chikayo's hair. I stared, mouth falling open.

"Whoa!" I heard Mitsu exclaim. Chikayo looked over at us, eyes widening in surprise.  
"Light," he murmured.

"Uh...Uh..." I tried to swallow, tried to find something to say, but I was coming up all blank. Chikayo...Chikayo was kissing Nishi. Kissing a boy. Chikayo was gay, just like everyone had suspected. "We um...came to pick up Nishi," I breathed.

I had never fainted before, but I liked the idea of doing it right now. Fainting, falling unconcious, so I didn't have to deal with any of this. This was...too hard to handle...Chikayo wasn't supposed to be gay...

"Are you okay, Light?" Nishi asked, studying me carefully. I swallowed again and nodded.  
"Um...Chikayo...Do you need a ride home?" My voice was so hoarse.  
"No, thanks," he managed, staggering out of the alley. "Someone was going to pick me up..."

I began to walk back to my car, Nishi, Kairi and Mitsu following quietly. I dropped Mitsu and Kairi off at Mitsu's house, feeling bad that Kairi had to see Chikayo...My fingers clenched around the wheel and I blinked back tears.

This whole time...he was gay. This whole time.

_"Well...I guess I could handle it a lot better...But you see, it's really weird because..." He tried to force the words out and was turning a bright shade of red. "Because...I-"_

I pulled into our driveway and stopped the engine, shutting my eyes tight, hot tears beginning to escape.

_"Maybe you should get someone else's opinion, Light. I don't think Chikayo counts as a straight person," Mello smirked._

I grit my teeth against the wail.

_"He just laughed and said he'd been drinking too much. And then he went off with Chikayo..."_

I sucked in a painful breath.

_"Why the hell would you have his underwear?" I questioned._

_"Uh, because I fucked him," Mello said slowly._

"Are you okay, Light?"

_"Light...you haven't seen the way Chikayo would look at you sometimes," Mitsu said gently, now becoming convinced._

This wasn't fair.

_"But I...liked someone else, but they never noticed. I wasn't going to tell them, either. It was just never going to work out between us."_

Chikayo...Chikayo...

"Light, my love," L whispered, pulling me into his arms. I hadn't even noticed Nishi leaving and L getting into the car. I began to cry into L's chest, his fingers stroking my hair, comforting me.

"He loved me," I choked. "He loved me this whole time."

I cried until I had no tears left, until I was left totally exhausted and hiccuping. L helped me out of the car and scooped me into his arms, letting me rest my head against his warm chest as he carried me inside, to bed. He pulled my shoes off and removed my belt before tucking the blankets up and under my chin. He lay beside me, stroking my cheek until I fell asleep.

***

When I woke, the first thing I noticed was how thirsty I was. I felt like I had been crying for days. I blinked and saw L perched on the end of the bed, watching me. I suspected he had sat there all night and hadn't slept at all.  
"Is there any water?" I asked him, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. He pointed to the bedside table where a glass of water lay in wait and I fell upon it greedily. When I was done, it was time to sort through my mixed and worn out emotions. I wrapped my arms around my knees. "I found out Chikayo was gay yesterday."

"Nishi told me, yes."

"People had told me they thought he was...Mello wasn't joking. So I defended him, protected him, told everyone it wasn't true. He let me carry on like that, let me embarrass myself that whole time. When he spoke about how he couldn't date Kairi because he liked someone else, he meant me. When I first came out to him, he even asked me if I'd ever been attracted to him."  
"What did you say?"  
"No, of course."  
"But you lied."  
I buried my face into my knees. "I thought he was straight. I didn't want to weird him out by telling him that he was my first crush."  
"How long did this crush go for?" L asked, unmoving.

"Years," I mumbled. "I had started giving up on him towards the end...I knew it was pointless, being in love with someone who...was never going to love you the same way in return..." I forced a smile, but I didn't really feel like smiling. "And I'm glad it never turned into anything, because now I have you. I'm married to you, we're husbands."

L seemed to relax the slightest bit. "I'm glad, too."

"I feel so...betrayed, almost. I'm hurt because he never told me. He just let me go on thinking...Why didn't he ever tell me?"

"Why didn't you ever tell him?" L replied, leaving me dwelling in my thoughts for a moment.

"Well, why didn't he tell me after I came out?" I demanded.

"Because imagine how surprised he would have been. Knowing that this whole time, if he had told you how he felt, you would have said yes. But it was too late for him, because I was in the picture. He had lost you, Light. And I'm sure he's tried to tell you before, but you just weren't listening."

He had tried to tell me, but we had always been getting distracted, and he'd lose his nerve. L moved to sit beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "In the end, Light, you still love him."

"I love _you_," I growled, grabbing handfuls of his shirt. "I married you, L. We were meant to be together, I am _nothing _without you!"

L kissed my temple gently. "And I love you more than anything, Light."  
"I _loved _Chikayo. But now, I've accepted him as just the brother I never had. You are the one I love, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and the one I'd be with in the afterlife. I never saw Chikayo that way. If I had, I'd never have picked up that Death Note, I would have gone to heaven with him, after living a mundane life, surpressing myself. With you...L, you know what it's like. You told me about it. You couldn't settle down with those other men, because they weren't your equals. You are my equal, and no one else in this world could ever be." I buried my face into his neck. "Chikayo could never...make me as happy...as you do."

L was silent for a long moment, and when I looked up, his eyes were shut tightly. I reached up to stroke his cheek, watching the slow, delicate and yet breathtakingly beautiful process of his eyes opening, revealing the dark ebony galaxies where I could see my reflection, where I belonged.

"L," I mouthed, bringing my lips up to his, brushing them slowly, relishing the soft touch, the rush and thrill of it. He kept the kiss simple and loving, just moved his lips against my own in random, beautiful patterns. "L," I breathed. He gave a small smile. He lay back, settling down under the warm blankets and settled me into the crook of his arm. I inhaled his soothing scent, toying with his collar, ready to fall asleep again.

"What's the time?" I asked, in a near-whisper. He told me, and I sat up, leaving his warmth in panic. "I'm late for school."

"I let you sleep in. I thought you would like to spend the day at home," L murmured.

"What about Nishi? Is he home too?"

"No, he's fully capable of walking to school," L smiled, caressing the length of my forearm with the tips of his fingers, causing me to get gooseflesh. I was silent for a moment. "What is it?" he frowned. I looked away, my hair covering my eyes.

"He walked with Chikayo this morning," I guessed. L's fingers stopped their tracks on my arm, and finally made a noise in agreement.

"He did," he confirmed quietly.  
I took a deep breath, wondering why it hurt so much within. It was perfect that Nishi and Chikayo were together. Nishi needed some stability in his life, so a boyfriend was perfect...and Chikayo had been alone for so long...Was that my fault?

"I know...I have to face Chikayo some time," I murmured. "I just don't know...what to say. I want to ask him so many things, but I don't know how."

"Asking him those things...will they change things?" L asked, something in his voice that tugged something within me. I looked at his eyes, seeing the worry which he tried to hide so well. I brushed his fringe away from his eyes, baring him to myself.  
"L..." I kissed his lips gently. "Nothing could change what we have. I love you. You and only you. No one else, understand?" The corners of his lips turned down slightly, before he nodded, trusting me entirely. I kissed him again and caressed his cheek. "I love you...Lawliet."

***

I parked The Thing, and headed up to the school, wanting nothing more than to turn right around and head home, to run away from this. There was a deep sense of foreboding in my stomach. How could I talk to Chikayo? I had no right to. I had hurt him so much over the years, without realising it. And now I knew. I knew everything.

Chikayo wasn't in my first two classes, and I found myself hanging out with Arisa instead of going to find him. She could tell I wasn't myself, but she didn't press for details. I was thankful for this. I finally saw Chikayo in my legal studies class, but he the seat beside him was taken. He never looked at me once, which hurt more than I could believe. I passed through the day like this, spending my next lunch break with Enah, and was one of the last to leave the school at the end of the day, my feet shuffling. I hadn't talked to Chikayo at all.

It was cold, my arms folded tight to keep warm. It was windy, and looked like it was going to rain. As I passed through the empty parking lot, I saw some movement in the dark shadows between two buildings across the lot. I saw a flash of reddish coloured hair. Chikayo. He was shouting something, but I couldn't make it out, and he was cut off as someone pushed him. Without thinking, I dropped my bag. I ran.

"Chikayo!" I screamed. There he was, being kicked to the ground by a group of seven guys. I continued to run, heart not giving a single beat in my chest, frozen with fear. "CHIKAYO!"

His eyes slid to my face, blood trickling down his chin as he fell to his knees, being hit around the head with what appeared to be a bit of poly pipe. "CHIKAYO!"

I dimly heard my name, but I couldn't think. Chikayo was being hurt. My Chikayo. I pushed one of the guys off of him, a cry escaping my lips. I recognised him, he went to our school, but my mind was shutting down. I couldn't understand anything. Chikayo. Chikayo. I had to help him. Had to protect him. Had to tell him I was sorry.  
I felt a punch to my ribs, and turned to retaliate, but was punched in the face from someone else. I couldn't breathe. This wasn't real. It couldn't be real.

"Faggot!" I heard someone shout. "You fucking faggot!"  
"Kill him!"  
"Chikayo!"

"Hit him with the pipe!"  
"On your knees, you cock sucker!"  
"Light..."

I was pushed violently to the ground and hit across the head with the bit of pipe. The world span, and my stomach heaved. My ribs were assaulted. I couldn't breathe. My fingers were stepped on, I was kicked onto my side. I could see Chikayo's shirt. I reached for it and held on tight, terrified. I wanted this to end. Why wouldn't it end? Why did it hurt so much? Why couldn't they just kill me? Why was this taking so long? Why wouldn't this end?

"Chikayo," I mouthed, tears filling my eyes. I couldn't hear anything but my own heart beat. I felt heavy. I couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. My lungs were filled with cold fire, my throat too thick, choking me. I could smell the cold cement beneath me, could dimly taste blood. I could feel only the throbbing in my head. Why couldn't I move? What was wrong with me? I wanted L. Why wasn't L here? I wanted him to hold me, wanted him to tell me I was okay, that everything was fine. I couldn't make a sound. I could hear nothing. It was cold. So cold...wet...

I could only see the detail in the cement, slightly blurred, and something green in front of me...Green? Chikayo's shirt. Was he okay? What was going on? Was it over? I felt so tired. Someone was calling my name, but I wasn't sure. I blinked slowly. Maybe if I went to sleep...when I woke up...would this be over? I just wanted this dull pain to go. I couldn't breathe...I closed my eyes. Where was L? And Chikayo...Chikayo....

****

I know this update has taken ages, but it's been a hectic few weeks. This update was a little rushed, trying to fit everything in for you guys, so I didn't get much detail in with Richie Nishimura like I planned to. And I had trouble with Arisa. She was just too cute!!

The following credits:

Richie Nishimura --- LightLoveLLawliet

Arisa Ajibana --- CuddlyPandaBear

So...time for...DUN DUN DUN!! Author Questions!

1. What do you think happened?

2. What do you think is going to happen?

3. I meant to ask this in the last update, but if you could put a song to the story, what would it be? For me, I'd have to say it's "Sleep" by the Dandy Warhols, but for the last scene here, it's "Coma White" by Marilyn Manson.

4. What did you think of the story before L and Chikayo were attacked?

5. What do you think of the attack?

6. Anyone think Light is a total ass for taking so long to figure out about Chikayo's secret?

7. Comments about Matt and Mello? (I finally saw Volume 8, but not Volume 7, so I still have yet to see L die)

8. So...'Sparkles' or 'The Thing'? Go to: .?PageID=13797&LEVEL=3&series=M&bodyStyle=CA&vgCode=RF32 there you can make Light's Mini Cabrio, by choosing Nightfire red. ^^

9. Comments about Nishi and his beloved Hebi?

10. Any other random comments? Like about L and Light roleplaying with Enah's yaoi story? ^^

So...A taste of what's to come:

Has Enah woken up Kira?  
What is L going to do?

Who is responsible for this last scene?

Is everything going to fall apart?


	8. Chapter 8

"Ngh." It took so much effort to open my eyes. Everything was so blurry. I could see someone...with messy black hair. I inhaled sharply, but began to convulse, struggling to breathe. _L! L! You're here! Oh, L! _

Tears filled my eyes, but they didn't blur the fright in L's face and the other faces that hovered by, trying to calm me down. "Light," L murmured, a tear sliding down his pale cheek. I was starting to cry, remembering the fear, feeling the pain course through me once again.

Why did it hurt so much inside?

What happened? What was going on? Where was I? Why couldn't I speak? Where was my voice? Why couldn't I breathe? Why did it have to hurt so much?

Someone was telling me to breathe slowly, but it was hard to concentrate. L leaned close and kissed my cheek, whispering my name as nurses fluttered around. Eventually, I calmed down, and tried to even out my breathing. I could only take short, shallow breaths. Anything else hurt too much.

"Light," L repeated, reaching to hold my hand. I tried to squeeze it, but it was as if I had no energy left. I just couldn't move. "Everything's okay. Just relax, Light."

What had happened? Everything was so hazy, yet some things stood out in clear relief. Chikayo's green shirt...a piece of pipe...shouting...the smell of wet cement...

I tried to question L with my eyes, unable to make any coherent sounds. He stroked my hair gently, avoiding what appeared to be bandages around my head. "You and Chikayo were attacked after school. Chikayo's in hospital, too, he's doing okay so far."

He swallowed. "You have several broken ribs, a fractured finger in your right hand and you received a sharp blow to the head. You've got a broken nose, and there's a chip off your skull." His eyes filled with tears. "I was so scared I'd lost you. They intended to kill you both."

I wanted to comfort him, but there was nothing I could do.

"Chikayo has a fractured skull and a broken arm as well as broken ribs. He generally got head injuries, so there was some swelling in his brain, but the doctors are hopeful that he'll make a full recovery. He's been through a lot...and there will be some scarring." He kissed my uninjured hand. "I was so scared..."

I tried to clear my throat, tried to make a coherent sound, but all I could manage was a croak. Who had found us? Who...why...? How could this happen...?

L was silent for a moment, his eyes growing harder. "I'll do everything I can, Light. I will hunt those monsters down and I'll see that they rot forever in a cell."

"...N-no," I forced out. He looked down at me in shock. I couldn't explain this to him in the state that I was in. I tried to gesture with my hand, as if I were writing something down. L's eyes widened. He hesitated.

"Light...I can't..."

I didn't mean for him to write in it. _I _was going to. I was going to write my attackers a painful death. And...I couldn't let L write in the Death Note. I couldn't let him kill someone. Perhaps I was wrong. Maybe...heaven was worth trying to get into. I didn't want to deny him that.

"Your parents are here," L murmured, stroking my hair again. "They haven't left your side, but I finally convinced them to go and have something to eat."

"Mmn..." I closed my eyes, my body exhausted but my mind not ready to shut down. All I wanted was to sleep. If I was asleep, I couldn't feel this pain. I could let it all be a dream.

"Light." I opened my eyes, to see his face bowed, as if to hide how very vulnerable he looked right now. "Promise me, Light...that you'll stay here with me."  
I squeezed his hand as tightly as I could, struggling as I had little strength in my fingers to do so, before I settled back and drifted off to sleep.

_Stay with you, L? Always._

***

L and my parents rarely left my side. Matsuda visited often, just to chat, with Ryuk following him to the hospital. Nishi came in once to see me, and I could see that he wasn't doing too well, looking as if he hadn't slept and was more quiet than usual. I knew it was hard on him, when his boyfriend...Chikayo...wasn't allowed visitors other than his parents for the time being.

Mother didn't want Sayu to visit, felt that it would be hurtful to her to see me in so much pain. I agreed. I knew that Sayu had to learn about how harsh the world could be, but she was still my little sister and I wanted nothing more than to protect her as much as I could from it.

Early one night, I received a visit from Kairi. L had gone home to change and have a shower, leaving us to talk alone. She looked terrible, as if she hadn't slept at all, and looked like she were close to tears.

"How are you?" she asked softly, sitting in L's usual chair beside my bed. I smiled tiredly.

"Better than before," I answered. "I can only get better."

"Right...I feel so terrible about all of this."

"L told me...you were the one that found us. That you called an ambulance..."

"Yes," she nodded, eyes becoming moist. "I was staying back late because I was studying in the library. And when I came out, I saw...saw them leaving...and I knew. I ran over and found you both. There was blood everywhere..." She hurriedly covered her eyes with her hands. "I'm so sorry, Light."  
"Why? Don't be sorry. I'm so glad you found us. We could have been dead."

"But...but it's my fault..." she managed, voice shaky. "Mitsu and I were talking about...about that night...when we found Chikayo...and Nishi. A-and Masakuni was behind us. Masakuni Nanba, Mitsu's boyfriend. He yelled at her, demanded to know what we were talking about, but he'd heard enough. He went to all his friends and told them about Chikayo...and about you. Because Mitsu and I were talking about Chikayo and you...how you two...And that afternoon...they came a-and hurt you both..." She dissolved into tears. "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have been talking to Mitsu about it. I should've looked around to make sure no one was listening..."  
"Kairi...Kairi, don't cry," I urged, reaching for her hand. "Please. It doesn't matter, people would have found out eventually. I couldn't hide L forever. And Nishi was never one for keeping secrets about himself."

"Nishi...Nishi...I saw him..."  
"How is he doing? I've only seen him once."

"He wouldn't be, considering his boyfriend and the guy he considers to be almost a brother is in hospital," Mitsu said, entering the room, clutching an armload of flowers. "How are you, Light? I wanted to see you sooner, but Kairi and I wanted to tell you together what we did."

"It wasn't your fault. It was an accident," I said, weary of trying to tell people that I was fine and that it was no one's fault.

At first I had been furious. But I'd calmed down. I could make this all better. I was going to kill Masakuni Nanba and the others who had harmed Chikayo and I. I was going to kill them slowly and painfully. They would regret everything they ever did to me.

The world should not have homophobic, close minded criminals such as them in the world. They were better off...eliminated. Proper justice would be served.

"Light...I'm so sorry," Mitsu murmured. I studied her closer. Her left eye was rather dark.

"Mitsu...did he hurt you?"

"It's just a bruise," Mitsu told me, flashing an embarrassed smile. "I tripped over and hit a table. That's all."

"He punched you," I realised. "He punched you when you didn't tell him about me or Chikayo."

"N-no! I tripped!"

"He hurt you!"

"No! He didn't! It's my fault!"

I tried to protest further, but it was getting too hard to breathe. My eyes watered with the pain, as I tried to breathe slowly and lightly. "Kairi," I breathed. "Tell me the truth."

"Light, I've told you the truth!" Mitsu snapped. "He didn't hurt me. You should be worrying about yourself!"

"Mitsu went to see him...to demand what he did," Kairi told me, against Mitsu's protests. "He punched her and told her that you deserved what you got. That there...shouldn't be people like you running around..."

"Mitsu..." I sighed. "Why? Why didn't you just leave him alone?"  
"Because Chikayo is my cousin, and because I love you, too! I've always loved you, Light, you know that. I'm not just going to step aside and let people hurt you, especially not that pathetic piece of worthless shit named Masakuni Nanba!" Mitsu rolled her eyes at Kairi. "And he didn't punch me after that. He pushed me first. He punched me after I threw a rock through his car window." She couldn't help but giggle a little at that. I shook my head in wonder. I really couldn't understand Mitsu at all, sometimes.

"Knock knock," someone sang lightly.  
"Miss President," I smiled, spotting the familiar girl at the door.

"Hi, Mr Yagami. It's great to see you're doing well," Arisa beamed, her panda bear in one arm and a box of what appeared to be chocolate in the other. "I just visited Mr Karasuma."

"How's he doing?" I asked, accepting the gift of chocolate. I would give it to L, who wasn't acting like himself lately. "I forgot, he's allowed to have visitors now."

"Well..." Arisa trailed off, stroking her panda bear. "He...he looks different."

"L said that he'd have scarring, but that's all I've heard. I haven't been allowed to get out of bed, but I think L is actually paying the hospital to force me to stay here," I said, only half-joking. I looked down at my hands. "What kind of scarring does he have?"

"Half of his face was dragged along the bitumen," Mitsu told me, sobering. "His nose will have a little hook in it where it was shattered, but all along the right side of his face...The doctors were considering doing some skin grafts to cover the scarring...but Chikayo doesn't want them to."

"What? Why not?" I asked. Chikayo had always been proud of his good looks. I couldn't picture him with any gashes or scars over half of his face.

"I don't know," Mitsu shrugged, at a loss. "He won't talk to anyone. It's driving Nishi crazy, and Lani..."  
"Maybe it's best if Lani doesn't see him all covered in gauze," Kairi commented softly.

"He's just...not very happy at the moment, that's all," Arisa finished.

I looked up at the ceiling, wishing I could see the stars. I wanted to see Chikayo. I wanted to tell him that it was all going to be okay. Because when I got out of here, I was going to make sure this never happened again. To us, or to anyone. The Death Note would ensure it. Chikayo didn't have anything to worry about. Not anymore. Because those that had hurt us...that had hurt my precious Chikayo...they were going to pay.

***

"Why did you throw them at her?" I asked, turning my gaze to him. Chikayo didn't reply. I hadn't expected him to, despite how much I wanted him to. All he ever did was glare at everything and everyone. He'd thrown Arisa's gift of chocolates at her and roared at her to leave, very unlike himself. What had happened to my Chikayo? My beautiful lover, who never shouted, who was never violent, but whose strong hands would pull my hips closer as his lips caressed my own, speaking only words that made me feel alive. He was the first human I had ever felt anything for. He'd shown me how precious life was to him, how he cherished the people close to him. And he'd shown me how to open my heart, to learn how to love my new family. My stupid, childish uncle Matsu, my know-it-all, stubborn Light who was like a brother to me, and L, who was as odd as I was, and never judged me at all, when all my life I had been judged. I wanted to protect my family more than anything. I had felt so helpless when I had received the call from L, telling me that Chikayo was in hospital after those monsters had brutally hurt him.

That was why I hated people. Because they so easily and so selfishly hurt others. Animals were not so manipulative, they did only as their instincts told them. They did not judge so cruelly. You could never trust a human.  
"Chikayo. You're being an ass." I strode from my corner and stood beside him, looking down at his once handsome face. Of course, when the wounds would heal, I would only find him more beautiful. That's what made me so odd. Because I was strange enough to find piercings, scars and tattoos as attractive. They showed that someone had endured pain and had overcome it. That I found attractive. And it was my oddities that Chikayo had found so alluring about me.

"Chikayo." No reply. "Chikayo. I love you." Still more of that hateful silence. I reached down and ran my finger along the shape of his left brow, which was mercifully unhurt.

"I think I'm going to explode," he murmured, hands shaking. I searched his eyes, trying to understand. "I feel like...I'm so full of hate...that I'm going to explode because of it. I just want to kill them...for what they did to me. For what they did to Light."

"Leave it to me," I whispered, reaching down to kiss his soft lips. He had loved the feel of my piercings, had sucked on them for long moments, as his hands would rub my thighs. I had never had a boyfriend or girlfriend quite like Chikayo, someone who cared more for me than they did about themselves. I had never felt so protective, had never loved so fiercely before.

"Nishi."  
"Mmn?"

"You know...I love you, right?"

"Yeah. I know."  
"Good," he breathed. I held his hand until he fell asleep.

***

What had woken me? I could hear angry whispers at the foot of my bed.  
"Just give me my Death Note back," Misa was demanding. "If you're too week to write their names down, _I will!"_

"Light is no longer Kira. He has accepted our legal system, and through that, I am going to hunt these animals down and make sure they rot in hell," L growled.

"I can make sure they really _do _rot," Misa retorted. "Those monsters deserve to die! What good is putting them in gaol, huh? They wouldn't get a life sentence. Don't you even love Light?"

"Don't you dare accuse me of not loving Light," L spat, furious. I had never seen him so angry before. "I am doing what is right. Light understands that."  
"Don't you want them to die like I do? Just give me my Death Note so I can put their names down!"

"Why haven't you asked Rem to do it?" L challenged. "You know she'd do anything for you. Why do you need your own book back? Rem could even let you use her own Death Note."

"Because I want to protect Light! I want to carry on what Kira started! I want to make this world a safer, kinder place where we can all live in peace!"

"That is what our legal system is trying to achieve! It may have glitches and it may not be perfect, but we need to respect it and not let some stupid, uneducated fool like yourself decide that she knows better and should rule!"

"L...Misa..." They turned to look at me, startled and a little guilty.

"Light!" Misa burst, a bright smile blooming on her flushed face. "I haven't seen you in so long! I would have been here the moment you got here, but I didn't get told you were in here until yesterday night, so I thought I'd come see you this morning."

"Thanks, Misa," I said with a small smile, but helpless to hide the worry as L strode out of the room, a dark look upon his face. "How are you?"  
"How am I? How are _you, _Light? Are you in much pain?"

"The doctors say I'll be out of here in no time. My ribs will take a little longer to heal, but so far I'm doing fine."  
"And what about Chikayo?"

"I'm not allowed to get out of bed at this point, except to go the toilet, so I haven't seen him yet. But apparently he doesn't want any visitors."  
"Oh."

"So..." There was no use trying to avoid it. "You want your Death Note back?"  
"Yes. I want to get revenge for you," she nodded.

"Thank you, Misa. But I'd like to do it myself."

"Well, I guess that's natural."

"But L won't give me my Death Note, and I'm not going to ask him. It'd hurt him. Instead, I want you to do something for me, Misa."  
"Of course," she smiled.

"I want you to ask Rem for some pages out of her Death Note. I want you to give these pages to my friend, Enah, you met her at my wedding. I don't think L is going to trust me to be alone with you after this. Enah always carries a folder of papers, so it won't seem so odd to L," I explained. Misa nodded.

"What do I tell Enah, though?" Misa asked, frowning.

"Buy me a journal as a gift, and run into her. Tell her that you have no time to visit her and that I've mentioned that I'd like to see her. Put the pages from the Death Note into an envelope and slip it into the front of the journal. Enah wouldn't see anything odd with a letter." I brought my knuckle to my lips, thinking. "I'll have to make sure Enah doesn't give me the journal from you in front of L. If he knows it's a present from you, he'll want to investigate...But he'll trust me to be alone with her. I'll send him home for spare clothes for me to wear or something when she comes to visit."

"Sounds like a plan, Light," Misa smiled. "I'm glad you're okay." She reached over and hugged me, taking care to be gentle. Inwardly, I smiled. I was fortunate that Misa was so willing to do whatever I asked of her. She was just a mindless pawn. When Misa pulled away, something occurred to me. I was going to be Kira once again, by killing these people. And I was manipulating the people around me, in a way to get past L who was standing in my way like before.

I respected that L didn't want to go against his beliefs about justice despite how much he wanted these monsters dead, but I wasn't going to let my justice bow down before his. Not now. I had to kill them. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. L would find out eventually what I had done, but I would deal with that later. For now, I had to rest. And while I rested, I would wait. The time would soon arrive when I could once again bring justice to the world.

***

I had been anticipating Enah's visit, and was glad when she had finally arrived. I had to make these deaths inconspicuous, and I wasn't as creative as Enah when it came to killing people. She was under the impression that it was just a game so far, was unaware that this paper was going to bring about my desires. I was careful not to let her touch the paper, if she did, she would be able to see Rem, which was something I was not ready for Enah to see. Eventually, she was going to figure out that these people were dying the way we had written them down and I would have to explain to her. But for now, I was going to leave her oblivious to it.

The best way to seem innocent was to be innocent, and L could find nothing suspicious about Enah if she was unaware of what she was doing. I didn't want L to know.

Eventually he'd figure it out, in fact, l probably already suspected that I had made arrangements with Misa. I didn't want L to taint his hands. If he had a shot to get into heaven...I wanted him to go there.

I looked down at the page taken from Rem's Death Note, a surge of pleasure coursing through me.

_Dosan Abumura, suicide._

_Chuemon Jimyuin, slips in the bathroom and hits his head against the bathtub, killing him instantly. _

_Fusamura Kato, chokes on food four days after he learns of the death of Dosan Abumura._

_Hirokazu Nomimura, falls off a balcony after he learns of the death of Fusamura Kato._

_Katsumi Saito, drowns a month after learning of the death of Hirokazu Nomimura._

_Kuzunori Tokukaji, is hit by a car three days after learning of the death of Katsumi Saito._

_Masakuni Nanba, jumps in front of a train and dies._

These people would die all at different times, nothing suspicious at all about it. They were all accidents, really. No cause for concern. The world had no need for monsters like them.

Enah already supported Kira, which meant her sense of justice was aligned to mine. I knew her, and she would not become selfish and use a Death Note for her own means unless it was vital. Enah was intelligent, and trustworthy, but perhaps too intelligent to be able to manipulate.

When she left, L returned, and he noticed the new diary. I acted cool, informing him that Enah had given it to me, not giving him the details of who had actually bought it.

"The doctors say I can come home soon," I told L, noticing that he was awfully quiet. He hadn't really spoken much at all since I'd been in here. I fiddled with my wedding ring, feeling guilty, yet hiding my thoughts from my face like I had when I had been Kira. I could not allow any sign to L that I was thinking of the Death Note. But, I was still L's husband and I couldn't bear this silence. "L...Is everything okay?" I asked quietly.

"Everything is fine, Light," he answered automatically, fingers toying with his own wedding ring.  
My heart pounded in my chest, my palms becoming clammy. My voice shook. "You always say everything is fine. But what about _you_? I want to know if _you _are okay," I pressed.

"I, Light? You want to know if _I _am okay?" L's eyes narrowed. "I am _not _okay. I have not been okay for so long I cannot even begin to remember when things _were_ okay."

I bit my lip, eyes filling with tears.

"People have hurt you, Light, and I can't do anything. I am powerless to give you want you want, I cannot have them killed. My justice can only take things so far. And you're pushing me too far, I cannot bear it. You want to take revenge and I want you to have that with all of my heart, but I cannot let you. Everything would be so much easier if you weren't Kira. If you didn't have this perverted sense of justice."

My throat developed a lump which I could not swallow away. "Is that it?" I asked, trying to give a snort, but I was on the verge of tears, my nose moist so all I could give was a sniff. "You wish I was different? So I'm not perfect enough for you?"

"That's not it at all," L murmured, eyes turning to mine. I could see my weak face reflected in them. I tried to create a hard mask to hide behind, one he could not penetrate through.

"Then what is it, huh? You want me to totally give up everything I believe in, don't you? If that's not it, then what the fuck is it?" A tear slid down my face. "You're a total jerk, you know that? These stupid fucking people could do this again, and there are others just like them out there. If I had continued as Kira, I could have created a much better, safer, kinder world than this one you're trying to defend!"

"Light-"  
"FUCK OFF!" I shouted at him, gesturing wildly to the door. "Get the fuck out and don't fucking come back! I'm not going to change and you don't have any fucking right to tell me to!"

"LIGHT!" he bellowed, kicking the chair away. "I've tried so hard to ignore this, but I can't give in, not to anyone, not to you! I know what is right and I know that I love you more than anything, but I can't let you do this! Letting you do this is proving Kira is right, and if stopping you means hurting you, you should know that I'm hurting myself a thousand times more by doing so!"

"I hate you," I growled, staring at my knees. I was like a caged bird, and he had clipped my wings. He was choosing his justice over me. Over what I wanted. Their deaths and he _knew _they deserved it, but he still insisted that it was wrong. What were the lives of those pathetic excuses for people?  
"Well, I _love_ you," L spat back, striding to the door and slamming it shut behind him. When he left, there was an awful silence. I broke down into tears, sobbing into my knees, eyes clenched shut at the pain caused by my shaking body and sore ribs.

L had never shouted at me like that before. Had never raised his voice, and I had never been so hurtful to him. I wanted to call him back, to apologise, but I was too much of a coward. I cried myself to sleep, wishing L was different. Wishing he had the same kind of justice that I did.

***

"Light!" Matsuda beamed, Ryuk hovering over his shoulder. L held my elbow as he settled me onto one of the kitchen stools. Matsuda made to give me a big hug, until L gave him a warning look.  
"Careful, Matsuda. He's still sore," he told the excitable detective.  
"Right," Matsuda grinned, giving me a gentle hug. "We missed you so much, Light! It's so empty and quiet without you at home."

L gave a small smile.

L and I had been quite civil to one another since our fight in the hospital. Neither of us had apologised for what we had said, or had even made any mention of the argument at all. I hated fighting with him, and just wished none of this had never happened. Wished there weren't people like Masakuni Nanba in the world.  
"Where's Nishi?" I asked, as Matsuda gave me a glass of water. I wasn't sure if I was going to enjoy being pampered like this.

"Nishi? Oh, he's probably with Chikayo at the hospital," Matsuda shrugged, a brief worry line appearing on his forehead, but quickly being replaced with a smile. "It's pretty cute. I think they're going steady."

"You give me the word Light, and I'll get rid of those..." Ryuk saw L's sharp look, and quickly changed what he was about to say. "Uh, I'll get rid of those rotten apples in the yard. I've been getting stomach cramps lately, so I haven't been eating as many."

"Have you seen Chikayo?" Matsuda asked me. I shook my head, sipping my water. Chikayo didn't want to see me, which hurt, but I could understand. We had gone through an ordeal, and he'd come out of it pretty badly. He was scarred for life, so I could see he would be upset about it all. I was just another reminder of what had happened.

"Misa stopped by this morning, to see if you were home yet," Matsuda explained, wiping down the kitchen bench. "I told her you wouldn't be here until dark, and you'd probably want to sleep and have some peace and quiet when you got here. She was very thoughtful, she made two apple pies for us...except one's gone missing," he frowned. Ryuk gave a guilty giggle, making me snort with amusement. "So, I've made pasta for dinner, if you're ready, Light," Matsuda smiled. He was so bubbly and happy to have me home, I couldn't help but smile back.

"I'm not hungry, Matsuda, so please don't save any for me," L told him. "I'm going upstairs to do some work." He made to leave, but I reached for his hand, pulling him back.  
"No. Please...stay," I flushed, not wanting things to be so empty between us. "I'm pretty tired, I might need you to help feed me." What a lame excuse, and he saw through it. Yet he stayed.  
"Of course," he murmured, before hesitantly reaching up to brush my hair out of my eyes.  
"I think I need a hair cut," I tried to smile. "It's getting pretty long."

"No, I like it this length," Matsuda protested, putting on his favourite pink oven mitts Nishi had given him for his birthday.  
"It keeps getting in my eyes," I told him, whilst looking up at L. "I've never had it this long. And I'd only need a trim, that's all." L moved his face closer, and kissed my forehead, before trailing down to kiss my lips. It felt so good...so right. So normal. I had missed this. We hadn't kissed at all since our little fight. I kissed him back eagerly, my hand tightening around his wrist, pulling him closer. He kissed me gently until Matsuda had served dinner, and stayed to feed me the way he often had when he was in a doting mood. Perhaps we could overcome our differences...I knew that we would have to sort things out eventually, but not now. Not tonight. Tonight was ours.

L cradled me that night, moved as slowly and carefully as he could. It was hard to ignore the pain and enjoy the love we were sharing, but he was doing his best and I could hardly believe how I had managed to have someone as caring and thoughtful as L Lawliet. When he was spent, he helped me find a comfortable position to sleep in, my sore ribs making it difficult to move at all.

"L...Did you bribe the hospital to keep me there for so long?" I asked, as he stroked my arm.  
"I'm not going to lie to you, Light," he murmured, a smile on his lips.  
"So...did you?"

"I'm not going to lie."  
"So you did?"  
"I'm not going to lie," he repeated, amused.  
"You did, I accused.  
"I didn't say that," he snorted, kissing my temple. "I'm not telling you anything."  
"You did," I smirked, as he brushed my hair with his fingers. "I can tell."  
"Oh, can you?" he smiled, in a voice that made me doubt myself. I hated not knowing, but I dropped the subject. We lay in a comfortable silence, and I began to drift off to sleep when he spoke. "Light, I should tell you that I've taken up a new case."  
"Mmn?"  
"It means I will have to fly to the US for a few days, and I thought I'd go to England and visit Whammy House, the orphanage where I grew up."

"You're...leaving?"

"Not for long," he reassured me, kissing my temple. "It was a short notice event, so I'm very sorry I wasn't able to tell you sooner to get you used to the idea. I'd love for you to come with me, but not in the state that you're in. I'd also be too busy working to enjoy anything with you, and I would like nothing more than for you to see where I grew up."

"When are you going?" I asked, dread welling up within me. I instinctively clutched tighter at his chest. L paused.

"In a week. It was very short-notice."

I buried my face into his hand, covering my eyes with it, not wanting to show how weak I was. How could I stand it here without him? How could I tell him that I was glad I had spent so long in hospital, because I wouldn't be out here, in the open, where I could be attacked again. I was afraid of the idea of walking down a street, and I was beyond glad that school was now over, having been in hospital during graduation. Luckily I had already finished all of my exams.

"How long will you be gone?" I whispered. He nuzzled my neck, trying to comfort me.

"Two weeks in the US, hopefully I could shorten that, and spend five days or so in England."

"I'd like to travel the world," I mused, trying to distract myself from the tears of unhappiness of his news.

"I want to show you the world, Light," he murmured, kissing a lock of my hair. "One day, together, you and I will go every where. I want to show you everything."

I gave him a trembling smile as I teased him. "I hope this is a one off time, and you're not planning to go and see some boyfriend every few months."

"Well, I hope this boyfriend you speak of enjoys threesomes because I do not intend leaving Japan without you after this one time." He kissed my cheek. "I love you, Light. And only you. That's why I married you, my love."

"And I love you."

"You better," he growled playfully, capturing my lip between his own.

"Lawliet?" I breathed, stifling a painful yawn.

"Yes, Light?"  
"Would you recite poetry or something until I fall asleep?" I asked, eyes drooping. L kissed my forehead.  
"Of course," he smiled, pleased that I would ask. I settled back in his arms, closing my eyes, and let him talk until I fell asleep.

***

"Good morning, Light," Ryuk smiled at me. I smiled back, and reached into the fridge, when I remembered something.  
"Hey, Ryuk, what happened to my car? Is it still...at the school?" I never wanted to go back there and get it. Ryuk looked rather guilty.  
"Uh, yeah, it's here. Matsuda drove it home."

"What's wrong?" I questioned, dread welling up within me. "What is it?"

"Well...let's just say Sparkles got a makeover," Ryuk tried to joke. I stared at him in horror, before I dropped the milk and dashed to the garage. I flipped on the light, my heart thumping painfully.  
"No," I breathed, wanting to cry. My car had been vandalised, its headlights smashed out, scratches gauged into the paint and huge dents everywhere, as well as some smashed windows. Worse, was the spray paint that declared "Faggot" along the side. I began to walk around it, taking in the damage. When I reached the back, I doubled over, convulsing with unshed sobs. They had painted "I take it up the ass", with an arrow to the tailpipe.

"Light, are you okay?" Ryuk asked, worried. He patted my back in a comforting way, but there was nothing that could cheer me up now.

"It...isn't fair," I whispered, hot tears trickling down my face. Why did this have to happen to me? What the hell did I do to deserve this? If they had known I was Kira, would they have done it then? Or would they have been too frightened of me? Of my power?  
I probably would never know, I could not ask them, because they were already dying. Their names were written down. Their deaths...what they got...they didn't deserve the kinds of deaths I had given them. They deserved to be tortured first, to suffer.

"Light?"

I looked up to see Nishi looking for me in the garage. He strode over to me and sat down beside me, thinking I was alone. "I'm going to the hospital to see Chikayo, want to come?"

"He doesn't want to see me," I mumbled, burying my face into my knees.

"Screw what Chikayo wants," Nishi replied, frowning. "He needs to see you, to see that you're okay. Same for you, I think."

"I can't. Not today."

"It doesn't have to be today. But soon, before he leaves hospital."

"I'll think about it," I mumbled. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve. "So, you two are going out, then?"

"Yes."

"That's great. You're opposites...but you match. You're made for each other."  
"You make it sound as if we're going to be married, Light. Of course I love him, but things can always change."

"Right," I nodded, toying with a loose thread on my shirt. I gave him a watery smile. "But for you, I hope things don't change. You both...need each other."

"You haven't seen us together, you don't know what kind of relationship we have," he pointed out.  
"I know...but I know what you two are like."

"You're full of crap, Light."

"Light?" L called, stepping into the garage, lines of worry on his perfect face.

"I'm over here," I replied, standing up. "How much would it cost to fix?" I asked, gesturing at the car.

"It doesn't matter," he murmured, hugging me to him. "I'll get you a new one. You can have any car you wish, it's your choice this time."

"A new car?" I repeated. "But..."  
"This one can be fixed, but wouldn't you rather have a different one? This one will always be reminding you of what happened."

"No," I said, shaking my head and stepping away. I put my hand on my beloved car. "The Thing is a part of our family. We can't just get rid of it once its been abused like this." I looked up at L. "You didn't get rid of me when I was in hospital, did you? And I'm going to heal just fine, so The Thing is going to be alright too. It can be fixed."

"Light...I remember when you first lay eyes on it. You hated it," L smiled, amused. "And now you're trying to convince me not to throw it away."

"I always knew Light was off his nut," Ryuk chuckled, following Nishi around the garage.

"I don't know much about cars, but I imagine repairing the damage of this would be expensive," Nishi remarked, kicking one of the wheels. "A new spray job. New windows...new lights..."

"But we can still fix it, right?" I asked, needing this confirmation that everything was going to be okay. Nishi gave me a smile.  
"Sure. I was only saying it would be expensive." His eyes flashed to L, smile broadening. "Not that money would ever be a problem for you, right?"

"Money would never be an issue when it comes to family," L assured us, patting the roof of the damaged car. I gave a relieved sigh and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you, L. I promise that someday I'll pay you back."

"Light, my money is your money. If you want an island, I'll ask you if you want a tropical one. You can ask for anything and I'll do what I can to give it to you."

The Death Note flashed in my mind.  
"Within reason," L added, eyes watching me carefully. I snorted with amusement, hiding the small disappointment I felt. But that didn't matter now. All that mattered now was that my car was going to be fixed.

***

"Make sure you call me as soon as you get off the plane," I warned him, talking a mile a minute. "Make sure you eat with your mouth closed, and don't go licking your shirt if you spill food on it. And don't forget to dress properly for the weather. I've spoken to Watari and he's promised to remind you not to eat seafood until we find out what kind of fish you're allergic to. And make sure you try and have some green tea without any sugar every day. And don't drink any of the water there, buy it bottled, and make sure the bottles aren't already opened and just refilled. Oh, and brush your teeth every morning and night, and use the bottled water for that okay?"

"Light, you don't need to worry so much," L smiled, brushing my hair behind my ear. "I've been all over the world. This is just another business trip, you know."

"I don't want you getting sick, or hurt, or lost, or..." My mind swirled with the endless possibilities of how things could go wrong. L distracted me by kissing me gently.

"Don't fret. Please, I'm the one who should be worried, leaving you all alone with Matsuda to keep an eye on you. Nishi's bound to convince Matsuda to let him do something stupid and with Ryuk distracting everyone...I can only hope the house is all in one piece when I get back," L chuckled lightly. He continued to hold me until he was one of the last to get on the plane. I considered saying something or doing something to stop him from catching his flight, but I wasn't the kind of person to be so selfish.

"Be safe," I murmured against his lips.  
"I was going to say the same to you," he breathed in my ear. "I really don't want to go."

"The sooner you leave, the sooner you can come back," I told him, giving him a childish shove to the gate. "Say hello to Mello, Matt and Near for me, okay?"

"I love you," he smiled.  
"And I love you," I promised, waving goodbye. "Miss you already."

He laughed and was gone. I strode over to the window, looking out at the plane, wondering if I would be able to see him through one of the windows of the plane. I waited long after it had taken off, as if waiting for L to jump off and come running. I pulled out my phone, wishing he were able to call me already, and stared in surprise. My background had changed. I usually had it as one of the defaults, but it seemed L had changed it to one of our wedding pictures, where we were exchanging our vows. I smiled down at the image, blinking away tears.  
We had never been apart for so long and it was killing me each and every second.

I took a train home and set about doing what I had been planning to do during L's absence. I moped.

"Oh, Light," Matsuda sighed, making himself some ice-cream, "Why don't you go out for a while? Distract yourself? L will be back before you know it."

Matsuda was easily distracted, as Ryuk took a large bite of Matsuda's ice-cream when he wasn't looking. Nishi stomped down the stairs as per usual, wearing a black top hat, tight black jeans, what appeared to be a black coat that generals wore, complete with the war medals and the gold epaulets, with a black umbrella hanging off his arm despite the weather being perfectly sunny.

"Nishi, are you going out?" Matsuda asked, as his nephew grabbed his wallet off of the kitchen bench. Nishi nodded, questioning with his eyes.

"Why don't you take Light with you? I was going to do some housework and I don't want Light just moping around by himself."

"Why don't I just take along a pet goat and be done with it?" Nishi complained. "Everyone will stare at me if he tags along."  
I snorted, wondering where Nishi got his sayings and logic from. He thought _I _would be the one to draw attention? I wasn't the one who wore all black except for bright green converse and hair fluffed up all over the place with bright patches of blood red.

"Come on, Nishi. Be nice," Matsuda scolded him. Nishi rolled his eyes and turned to me.  
"Excuse me, Light, but would you like to go clothes shopping with me?"

"You know, I'd love to." Not really, but perhaps I could get a laugh out of this.

"This is going to be the most depressing shopping trip ever," Nishi grumbled, leading the way. We took a bus to a busy part of town, and we strode down a crowded street. "See?" Nishi hissed. "Everyone's staring at me because of you."

"What? Am I really that uncool?" I teased, crossing my arms. He led me into a gothic looking shop, full of clothes, posters, ornaments and cd's. Nishi strode up to the counter and leaned against it, beginning to talk to the cashier there, whom he seemed to know well. I hung around by the cd's, but I was unfamiliar with most of the bands, though after living with Nishi who loved to blast his music, I was sure I might recognise some of the songs.  
For what was probably the millionth time, I checked my phone. Still no messages from L.

"Mr Yagami? What are you doing here?"

I jumped with surprise to see Arisa standing behind me, clutching her panda bear tightly. She smiled up at me. "I would never have expected to see you here."

"I would never have expected to see you here, either," I told her, clutching my heart, my lungs aching where I had inhaled sharply.  
"Miss Minase and I are going on an outing today," she explained, eyes turning to some of the jewellery on display. "This is one of my favourite shops, I get some of my Lolita dresses custom made here. I did not know you were into Lolita, Mr Yagami."

"Actually, I'm here for my friend, Nishi," I told her, pointing him out.

"Oh, look! Miss Enah is working here today! She always gives me discounts," Arisa beamed, waving at the girl at the counter, whom Nishi was chatting to. I did a double-take.  
"You're right! That's really Enah! I didn't recognise her, I'm so used to seeing her in her school uniform," I said, as Enah waved back, her lips perked up in surprise. Arisa and I headed up to the counter.

"Hi, Enah."  
"Hello, Miss Enah!"

"Hey, you two. Fancy seeing you here, Light," Enah smiled.  
"You know him?" Nishi asked, wrinkling his nose. Enah nodded.  
"How do you two know each other?" I questioned, as Arisa began to browse through the assorted dresses in the shop.

"We used to date, and I swear Nishi doesn't shop anywhere else," Enah snorted, tapping her lip habitually with her pen. "It's an odd day when he's not here."

"Yeah. I get frequent buyer points," Nishi told me dryly, before rolling his eyes at Enah. "Uncle Matsu wanted Light to get out of the house, so I dragged him along with me."

"How come?" she asked, twirling one of her red bangs around her finger.

"L's gone to America for two weeks," I sighed, checking my phone just in case.  
"He won't stop doing that," Nishi complained to Enah.  
"Has Chikayo gotten out of hospital yet?" Enah asked me. I shrugged, pointing at Nishi.  
"I don't know. Ask Nishi. Nishi's going out with him, after all."

"This whole time we had friends in common," Enah mused, resting her chin on her palm. "I _knew_ Chikayo was into guys."

"You and everybody else except me," I muttered, toying with one of the studded collars for sale. "I haven't even spoken to him about it yet. He doesn't want to see me."  
"I was going to visit him today, and take you with me," Nishi told me, eyes serious. He flashed Enah a grin. "He's moodier than you are, sometimes."

"Hey, you jerk," Enah laughed, punching Nishi's arm.

"I guess his ass makes up for it," Nishi told her, giving a mock sigh. "Just like your chest did."

"You really have to balance the bad with the good, don't you?" she grumbled, an irritated smile on her lips. She shrugged. "I wouldn't pin Chikayo as your type, Nishi. Though he's got a great body."

"Yeah, you should see it _without _clothes," Nishi told her, a suggestive tone to his voice. I grit my teeth, sick of the conversation about Chikayo and his sexuality. How could I have not known this whole time? I was such a stupid idiot.

"Mr Yagami, what do you think?" Arisa called from the dressing rooms, spinning around in a black and white dress. I almost missed the familiar panda bear in her arms, as he blended almost perfectly in. I walked over and examined the dress.

"It's a nice dress and it fits you well," I noted, "though I'm not that good at choosing clothes for girls."

"Do you think Miss Minase would like it?" she asked, frowning as she looked down at herself.

"Mitsu? Sure, I guess. Why, were you going to get it for her? It's not her size though, and she usually wears more casual stuff."  
"No, that's not what I meant," she flushed. "I just wanted to wear a pretty dress, that's all."

I felt a grin slide across my face as I folded my arms. "Where _is_ Mitsu? Didn't you say you were having an outing today?"

"Our outing is tonight, which is why I'm here, looking for something nice to wear."

"Ahah. And where are you going?"

"We're going to go to an art gallery in the afternoon, and then we're going to see a kabuki play at the theatre. After that, we'll go to a restaurant and have dinner..." Her face was lit up as she related the activities. It was strange of Mitsu to go to night out like this one, unless she was trying to impress. I was sure Mitsu got bored of art quickly, and usually was content with just a stop at a coffee shop or a fast food place for dinner after a night out with friends. A restaurant? Was Mitsu afraid Arisa wouldn't like a normal night out? Was this...a date?

"So...Arisa...how long have you liked Mitsu?" I asked, grinning. Arisa's eyes shot up to my face.  
"It's-it's not like th-that! It's just an outing, just as friends." Her voice dropped on the last part, as if in disappointment.  
"You know, it's strange of Mitsu to go through so much effort to plan a date like this one. Normally she'd spend time going shopping or going to movies, though she does like kabuki."

"It's...not a date," she near whispered.  
"Do you want it to be?" I asked, watching her closely. She nodded slowly, up and down.

"I'm sure Miss Minase didn't mean it as a date though. I'm sure she meant as friends," she tried to tell me. "I just want her...to like me. I have admired her for so long...and now she's paying attention to me..."

"She's always noticed you, Miss President."

"Not the way I wanted her to," Arisa pointed out, burying her face into her panda bear. "I always wanted her to confide in me, to be close friends...and I heard stories about how her last boyfriend hurt her after he hurt you and Mr Karasuma...I was so angry when I was told. I wanted to protect her from him, though there is nothing I could have possibly have done. And when I'm around her, I get so nervous...so scared and I can't think of anything to say. I just pretend she's not there, because she makes me so speechless and clumsy..."

"Sounds like you're in love," I smiled.

"In love, Mr Yagami? But girls can't love each other that way, can they?"

"You're speaking to a guy that married another guy," I reminded her, amused. Arisa bit her lip.

"Mr Yagami, I'm scared. I don't want to ruin things between Miss Minase and I. And what if I can't think of something to say? She'll think I'm a freak. An idiot. A socially unacceptable being. And what if she finds out how much I admire her? She'll no doubt cast me away and never want to see me again. Not that she'll ever have to, now that we have all finished school."

"I think you should give Mitsu a chance," I told her gently. "Let her know how you feel. She wouldn't have gone to all this effort to plan a date like this if she didn't like you at all. And this kind of date is screaming romantic, if you ask me, which really isn't something Mitsu would plan for a normal date." I leaned forward, so only she could hear. "In fact, I'd say Mitsu is more of a seme than anything else, if that's okay with you."

Arisa flushed, smiling to herself. I headed over to the dresses section and went through them before selecting a gold one. "Why don't you try light, happy colours?" I suggested. "Sometimes black can get a bit depressing. Plus, gold will make your skin look nice, and make your hair look glossier. Also, your bear is cute, and you wouldn't want him to become invisible by blending into your dress, you should make him the focal point."

L was always happy when I wore golden browns which accentuated my hair colour, and I had always been proud of the way I wore clothes. As a child, I had pored over books and played tennis, and Sayu had played with her dolls. She had always come to me to help pick out an outfit for them, and I supposed Arisa was just a bigger, cuter doll to dress up. I really _was_ gay.

While Arisa changed into the dress, I went back over to Nishi and Enah to wait. Enah was helping Nishi select a new tongue bar, while talking about a party.

"Apparently, Akihide's going to be there with Osamu. I always thought they should just get over it and make up," Enah commented.

"Yeah, I guess, though I don't think it'll last long," Nishi frowned. "There's too much that's happened since they broke up that it's not going to work."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, everyone knows Akihide was spending way too much time with Fusashige, and I thought it was common knowledge that Osamu was getting around after they broke up the first time."

"Let me guess, you were one of the guys who pounced on Osamu when he and Akihide broke up?"

"I led the pack," Nishi said proudly, with a devious grin. "And it was so worth it. One of the best fucks of my life." He held one bar up to the light, smirking. "Osamu seemed to like it too, because he came back for more."

"Aw, Nishi," Enah complained. "I don't want to hear that."

"Huh. Well, you know how possessive Akihide gets, which is why it isn't going to work."

"Why don't you take Light to the party?" Enah suggested, gesturing to me. "Isn't he supposed to be getting out of the house?"  
"Light wouldn't know what to do at a party. He'd just sit by the food table looking awkward. He's a married man, Enah, not some single little trick who's looking for fun."  
"I'd love to go," I said pointedly, grinning. Just to annoy Nishi. "When is it?"

"Great!" Enah beamed. "It's tonight."  
"He can't, not dressed like that, he can't!" Nishi protested. "He'll ruin my image! He's already done enough damage, following me in here."

"That's Nishi's way of displaying his affection," Enah commented, amused.

Nishi put his hands on my shoulders. "Look, I love you like a brother, Light, but there is no way I'm letting you make me look uncool." He dragged me by the collar to one of the racks in the store and pulled out some dark shirts with chains attached artistically, swear words printed everywhere with buttons and zippers sewn in the oddest places.

"Hey! There's no way I'm dressing up like this for a stupid party," I protested, eyes wide with horror.

"I'm not letting you go dressed any other way," Nishi said firmly. He held up a leather vest and I could see a vision of Mello diving for it.

"What if there's people I know there? They'll recognise me and laugh."

"Then we'll paint you all up so no one would even _dream _it could be you," Enah told me, now getting in on Nishi's scheme to dress me up. "And besides, I doubt there'd be many people you know there."

"What...what kind of a party is it?" I asked, as Nishi put his top hat onto my head.

"It's a...cross between a rave, a Lolita gathering, just a normal social get together...Just a dress to impress sort of a thing," Enah told me. "It's an artistic experience."

"You know, I always knew you were into the Goth thing, but I can't imagine you going to a gothic sort of party like this," I told her. Enah only smiled.

"I might have some shirts that would fit him," Nishi murmured. "I was thinking a long ruffled and laced shirt with a printed vest."

"How about a sweater and jeans?" I interjected hopefully. "You know what, I don't think I want to go anymore. I've changed my mind."

"No way," Nishi declared. "You're going. I'm having way too much fun dressing you up in my mind."  
"So long as you're not undressing me," I muttered darkly. "Let me remind you that you've got a boyfriend in hospital, so you won't be getting any hanky panky at the party either."

"Light! What do you think?" I turned to see Arisa dressed in the knee-length dress.  
"Wow, Arisa. You look like a princess," Enah enthused. Arisa spun around, letting the gold material shimmer and sparkle in the light. "You should put your hair up with it, we have some gold ribbon by the counter if you want some."

"Are you dressing Light up?" Arisa asked, becoming excited.

"Hopefully," Enah told her. "I think black, dark red and gold colours would suit him the best."

"Yes, with a ruffled shirt," Arisa nodded.

"I have tons of ruffled shirts that he can go through, but you're forgetting the most important thing," Nishi told them.

"What's that?" I asked nervously.  
"The pants," Nishi answered. "You want something that grips your thighs, yet is loose on your lower legs and accentuates your ass." He pointed to his own jeans. "See? I've got the illusion that they fit nice around my legs, but the folds from the bottom give the illusion that my legs are really long."  
I wasn't sure exactly what the hell Nishi was on about. There was no way pants could be that important.

"Also, the texture is important. Leather always gives a good impression, but you don't want leather with a printed vest, or wool. And only if you're talented can you pull off ruffled white shirts with leather pants, and trust me Light, you couldn't even dream of hoping to be able to do that."

"You know, there must be something good about finding your own gender attractive," Enah commented to Arisa. "You just dress yourself in a way that if you saw yourself walking down a street, you'd want to bang yourself." Arisa blushed, catching my eye.

Nishi proceeded to drag me around for the rest of the day, trying to find the right kind of pants for me. I thought his obsession for trying to dress me up was just ridiculous, but amusing, so I continued along, letting him have his fun.  
Before we went home, Nishi and I went to the hospital. I was nervous, unsure of how Chikayo would receive me. Nishi pushed me through the door of his room, insisting that it was good for our mental health to see each other. Chikayo was lying on his hospital bed, looking out of the window, not hearing us come in. There were some bandages around his head, and his right arm was in a cast.

I let Nishi stride before me, and he jumped on Chikayo's bed, surprising him. Nishi gave a delighted grin and crawled over Chikayo to kiss him gently. I was sure if there were any nurses around, he couldn't have jumped so childishly and roughly onto the bed. No, knowing Nishi, he would have done so anyway, and just made fun of their disapproval.

"How are you?" Nishi asked, in a voice so soft that I was stunned Nishi could produce a sound so gentle.

"Bored," Chikayo replied, reaching forward to brush his lips against Nishi's again.

"Well, lucky I turned up then. I brought you a present, too," Nishi told him, gesturing to me. Chikayo's head turned, and we stared at one another. The bandages covered the left side of his face, hid his eye from the world. I slowly walked forward, watching his one eye examine me closely for signs of what had happened. My bruises and scrapes had healed, my finger was not bandaged up anymore and all that remained was a small scar where my head had been stitched together from where my skull had been chipped. My nose had healed fine and my ribs barely hurt anymore.

"Light," he breathed, when I reached his side. I reached forward and ran my fingers through his hair, wanting to cry. How could anyone hurt someone as beautiful as Chikayo? As kind, as thoughtful, as fun as Chikayo?

His eye turned to Nishi, glimmering with tears, but his lip set in a scowl. "Why did you let him come here?"

"Because you needed to see him," Nishi snapped back. "You needed to see that he was okay for yourself instead of asking everyone. And the same for him."

"I didn't want him to see me like this," Chikayo growled, turning his glare to me. "Get out."

"No," I answered, reaching to grab a handful of his shirt, determined to never let him go. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry this happened, Chikayo. I tried to stop them..." I blinked back tears.

"You should have just called for help. What the hell did you think you were going to achieve, running into the fray like that?" Chikayo barked. "You had to go get yourself all bashed up too. But look at you. You're all okay. Not a scratch on you. But then...That night...you were all covered in blood...It was all over your face."  
I watched him, watched how he turned white. "That's all I remember. I just remember the bell ringing, and then you were running towards me, and then I just saw you, all covered in blood. I don't remember anything else, not how it started, what they did to you. When I woke up, I was convinced you were dead."

"It's all okay now," I told him, in a whisper. "They're all dead." Not all of them, but their names were all written down. It was only a matter of time and they would all be eliminated. I had to tell him. He had to know that we were safe from them.

"It's not okay, Light!" he burst, trying to draw away from me, but gasping in pain. "You think it's all okay? Didn't anyone tell you? I can't feel my fingers in my right arm! How could I ever play tennis again if I can't hold a racquet? I'm right-handed! I'll have to learn how to use my left! And they can't tell if I'll have full movement in it while it's still in a cast! I might not be able to use it at the elbow at all! I'll be friggin' disabled!"

I stared, stunned, at loss for something to say. "No one told me that," I finally managed.

"No one knows, except my mum and Nishi. I don't want people feeling sorry for me." He wiped his one eye with his knuckles. I reached over and cupped his cheek, gesturing to the other.

"How is your face under there?" I asked.

"It's all...gauged," he told me, sighing and closing his eye, resting his cheek into my hand. "They were going to take skin grafts from my leg to fix it, but I didn't want them to. It's just making scars somewhere else. I don't care about my face anymore. I care about my arm."  
"When your cast comes off, that's when we'll deal with your arm," I promised, letting my thumb stroke the skin beneath his eye. "Right now, we need to fix _us, _okay? I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry...I didn't let Nishi push me in here earlier."

"I'm sorry I never told you about me, Light. I just couldn't..."  
"Forget about it. It's not a big deal. What's important is that we both don't have to hide anything from each other ever again, right?"

"Yeah," he smiled weakly. "Thanks, Light...For trying to help me that day..."

"Yeah, I tried to help you, but it kind of backfired," I snorted. Chikayo chuckled breathlessly, and reached for my hand, squeezing it tightly. I was filled with relief. I had my best friend back.

***

I know, it's been forever since the last update, and I've forgotten all of my excuses why. ^.^"

Forgive me yet again? Oh, and there's been a count. From updates 1 to 7, there are over 218 kisses. How many kisses have you got in your fanfics? Go through your fanfics and count how many kisses there are, and with all our kisses, we'll kiss the victims of gay bashings better.

Now, on to...DUN DUN DUN!! AUTHOR'S QUESTIONS!!

1. L and Light had their first official fight. Aren't I a naughty author, ruining relationships like this? Comments, anyone?

2. Are the wounds of the bashing realistic? I've never had a broken arm or fractured skull before, but I have had a fractured rib and hell do they hurt!! o

3. Heh heh. Arisa loves Mitsu. Is Light right in his suspicions that Mitsu may like Arisa in return? Comments?

4. L's gone away to America. What trouble do you think Light can get up to while he's away, and take a guess at who is going to be sleeping over Light's house!! ^w^

5. Comments about any of the OC's like Nishi? Hehehe. Goat.

6. Who thinks L bribed the hospital to keep Light in longer?

7. Who's happy that Sparkles (A.K.A.; The Thing) is going to stay? If not, what kind of car should Light get?

AND FINALLY, a question for you all to think about....

Is Enah going to become...the next Kira??

Oh, and P.S., I've received a few requests as to lemons between certain characters, and I did have a short bit from Nishi's point of veiw, so I'm open to writing one and just slipping it in somewhere. It could be Nishi and Chikayo, Arisa and Mitsu, or whoever. Even Matsuda and Sparkles (haha, thanks to ZenaSilverWing for clearing things up. Matsuda is a 'carsexual'). So, choose the two characters you want and majority rules. Oh, and if I can't help myself, I'll just write other ones as well ^w^


	9. Chapter 9

It felt good to be able to laugh with Chikayo again, and Nishi had been right. I felt so much better knowing that Chikayo was more or less okay from having seen him myself rather than depending on other people's accounts. I filled him in on all the up to date things that were occurring, such as L's absence, Arisa's date with Mitsu and Chikayo's party. Before we knew it, time had flown and visiting hours were over.

"Go and have fun," Chikayo told Nishi, kissing him softly. When we got home, Nishi forced me into multiple shirts that all looked the same to me, and when Matsuda found out that Nishi was letting me tag along to the party, he was like a proud parent.  
Nishi created an outfit for me, with a pair of dark jeans, a green and gold vest and a light, long sleeved shirt that had ruffles cascading all down the front with lacy sleeves. He gave me a long green coat and a top hat to match before constructing his own masterpiece. I was glad he had not dressed me in what he was wearing. I swore he shopped in the same place as Mello, as he wore tight leather pants with a large chain belt. His shirt was fishnet, with a number of religious icons hanging from his neck as well as a thick collar. His army boots clunked loudly as he walked, all with the authority of someone who was sexy and knew it. I stared in disbelief. No one could pull off the look that Nishi had. Not that I was attracted to him, but I could certainly see what made him so popular. He just had...a rough yet refined...attractive aura about him...the way he carried himself, the way he swung his hips when he walked...How could he pull off the look that made him look so fuckable but yet gave off a 'don't fuck with me' vibe? It drew you in...but frightened you at the same time.  
I smiled. I guess Nishi really was an artist at what he did.

"So, what's with all the necklaces?" I asked as we caught a bus. "I can see a yin yang, a star of David, a crucifix...looks like you've got every religion there."

"Yeah. I've got a satanic star tattooed on my ass, as well," he told me, unfazed. A devilish grin slid across his lips. "It just helps. If my prey says that they can't because it's a religious thing, I can just say that I'm joined to that religion too, so there's no problem."

"Can't as in...?"  
"I'm pretty sure you can fill in the blanks," Nishi snorted.  
"You've got a boyfriend. You're not planning on...you know...?"

"If I was, it would be none of your business, nosey little brother," he sneered, pinching my cheek. "And I wouldn't cheat on my boyfriend. I _do_ have standards."

I raised my brows.

"Just not very high ones," he corrected, grinning. "Just keep your trap shut unless you're blowing someone, okay?" That was Nishi for you. Crude as ever.  
"I'm not...with anyone. I'm _married_, remember."

"Oh, right. You're playing happy families with the detective." He toyed with a strand of his hair. "Don't get me wrong, Light. I respect what you and L share. You two...I can't picture either of you with anyone else. I can see you two adopting kids, having grandkids...doing the whole thing that my parents and Chikayo's parents managed to fuck up. But I can't see myself not being able to have my freedom, to fuck whoever I want, whenever I want. I can't see myself staying with one person like that...and Chikayo sees that. He doesn't hold me back."  
"So...he doesn't care if you're going around...doing other people?"

"Chikayo...is special to me," he murmured. "He understands me, doesn't expect me to conform myself into ways that everyone else does. I like men _and_ women. Chikayo doesn't want to hold me back, he wants me to be myself. All he wants is my love, and he can have that no matter who I'm with or what I'm doing. I don't have to screw someone and love them," Nishi told me. "Unlike most people, Light, I don't see sex as something special that two people should share with only each other. To me, it's just another bodily function that I enjoy." His face softened. "But with Chikayo, I'll admit...it _is_ special. It's different with him. He cares about my enjoyment, rather than his own. The people I fuck...they're always about what they're getting out of it. They don't care about my pleasure...just their own. And Chikayo...his pleasure comes out of my pleasure. Besides...if I go fucking other people, he has that same right, and I wouldn't hold it against him at all. And he doesn't, which makes me more reluctant to go around doing what I want. More and more...I find myself...just getting my satisfaction from him."

"Too much information," I muttered, looking out of the bus window. I felt...relieved. That Chikayo and Nishi had found this balance. That Nishi had someone who actually loved him, and for Chikayo, someone who loved him despite everything that had happened to him physically. That Nishi felt this way. I wrinkled my nose. Even so, I _really_ didn't want to know.

The party was held in a dark apartment, decorated with peeling paint and ragged couches. Dingy. But artistically dingy. Music blasted from huge speakers, with a group of people dancing in front of them. As soon as we walked through the door, Nishi was surrounded by several people, all wanting his attention.  
"Who's this, Nishi?" a tall, elegant woman asked, standing out from the crowd of fishnet, black eye makeup and lace.  
"Etsuko, this is Light, my brother," Nishi smiled, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "_Half_ brother, that is. He was all lonely at home while his boyfriend is in America, so I let him tag along. I hope that's not a problem."

"Not for you, Nishi," Etsuko smiled. "I wasn't aware you had a brother."

"Neither was I," he laughed, letting me go. "How's Ikuko? Is she here?"  
"Light! There you are!" I felt a hand tug my arm, and I was dragged away. Enah smiled at me, looking me up and down. "Nishi really _is _magic, isn't he?"

"I think so." I looked at her clothing, seeing her in a black walolita styled dress, her hair pulled up into a messy bun, a white artificial flower pinned there. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," she grinned. "Let's hope Akimitsu thinks so, too."

"Who's Akimitsu?" I asked, teasing. "Are you interested in someone?"

"None of your business," she replied, poking my chest, cheeks pink and a give away smile on her painted lips. "He's just an old friend. Oh, and you won't believe who's here."

I was about to take a guess when I heard a familiar squeal. I turned to see Misa running straight for me, arms outstretched. Her glomp caused me to get knocked to the floor, her on top of me.  
"Light! What are you doing here? I can't believe this! Wow! You came here to surprise me, didn't you? Oh, Light!"  
"Uh...Misa...I can't breathe with you sitting on me like this."

"Oh, sorry! I'm just so excited! I can't believe you're here!"

I gave Enah a piercing look. Had she known Misa was going to be here? Why didn't she warn me? She shrugged, amused.  
"Did Etsuko invite you?" Misa asked, pouting as she tried to think of why I was here.

"Uh, actually, Enah invited me," I told her, putting a faithful hand upon Enah's shoulder. I looked around, frowning. "Is Rem here?"

"No, I told her to stay home," Misa told me, glancing briefly at Enah. "Ryuk came to keep her company, actually. I think he likes her."

"I was thinking the same thing." How long did it take you to figure _that _out? Honestly!

"I might go get some drinks. Would you two like one?" Enah offered. No! Don't leave me alone with Misa, I wanted to beg.

"Yes, please," Misa beamed, before dragging me outside onto the balcony, where there was no one to overhear. "I have to admit, Light, I'm surprised L let you go out. If I were him, I'd have you tied up at home."

"He's on a business trip," I told her, as my phone vibrated with a message. I pulled it out, glad for an excuse not to talk to her. A message from L.

_Sleep tight, my love. _

I snorted, checking my watch before texting back.

_It's only 7.30 _

_It's 5.30 in the morning where you are.  
Get some sleep._

Within a minute I had a reply.

_I can't sleep when you're awake_

_and bound to get into trouble. _

_Only when you're asleep are my fears _

_put to rest._

A smile graced my lips.

_Love you. Go to sleep. _

I slipped my phone back into my pocket, to see Misa watching me carefully. "Light...I've been wondering...Are you really going to stop? With the Death Note?"

"No," I told her quietly, leaning on the balcony, folding my arms, becoming serious. "Getting revenge for what happened to Chikayo and I was only the beginning."

"Did L tell you where he put them?"  
"No, all I know is that he's hidden them in the house somewhere. Even if I knew where, I wouldn't be able to get at them. He wouldn't leave them to be found so easily. He'd have every form of protection around them...I think he would have it set up that the Death Notes would be destroyed if anyone tried to retrieve them with force."

"Then how...?"

"I could use Ryuk to find the Death Notes, but he's on L's side, not mine. And even if he could help me, he wouldn't be able to retrieve them, if L's got things set up the way I think."  
"How do you know what L would do?" Misa asked, frowning. I gave her a wry smile.  
"Because he's my husband. And because that's what I'd do," I explained.

"Oh."

"I can't hurt L. So, we're going to create a new Kira, one he wouldn't suspect. One I can still control."  
"But we don't have a Death Note to give them," Misa pointed out. I groaned inwardly at her stupidity.

"Didn't you give me pages from the Death Note?" I reminded her. "_Rem's _Death Note. Rem would do anything for you, Misa. We're going to give pages from Rem's Death Note to Enah."

"_Enah? _As in that girl who's getting our drinks right now? _That _Enah?" Misa shrilled. "Why? Why can't you just let _me _do it?"  
"Because I promised Rem that I would protect you. That includes protecting you from L. L was able to forgive us for using them in the first place, but taking up the mantle of Kira again behind his back? He'll be forced to act, Misa. He won't let us get away with this so easily. So, Rem will give pages from her Death Note to Enah. I know her, and I know she'll carry on what we started."

"I don't like it," Misa grumbled.

"You don't have to like it," I told her coolly. "That's the plan and you'll stick to it, Misa. If you love me, you will."

"I _do _love you, Light."  
"Good. Then you'll organise this for me. I plan to tell Enah soon, so the final piece to deal with will be L."

"She's coming," Misa murmured. I turned to smile at Enah who was struggling to open the sliding glass door. I helped her.  
"There wasn't much to choose from, and I don't know what you both like, so..." She handed Misa and I an alcoholic drink. I took the top off and took a deep gulp, trying to smother the pang of pain that shot through me, knowing that I was hurting L in some way by reviving Kira like this.

"So, have you seen your boyfriend yet?" I teased Enah. She rolled her eyes.

"He's _not _my boyfriend."  
"But you want him to be."

"That's out of the question. I just want his help with something, that's all, and he's a sucker for a pretty girl."

"Well, you'll knock him off his feet," I smiled, inwardly grinning. She was perfect. She had the instincts for manipulation, she was a much better prospect for Kira than Misa had ever been. And she had brains. She would be a perfect Kira for my new world.

"Light, would you like to dance with me?" Misa interrupted, hands on her hips. "I'm bored of standing out here. It's getting cold."

I looked through the glass window at the mob of dancing people and smiled down at Misa. "I'm not much of a dancer, I'm afraid."  
"Dancing isn't hard at all. All you have to do is jump up and down, wiggle your hips and that's about it," Misa pouted. "Please, Light? Please? I'll be your best friend forever." How could I possibly refuse an offer like that?

"Not right now, Misa."  
"Go on, Light. Don't be shy. Nishi wouldn't forgive you if you ended up being a wallflower," Enah encouraged. "Go have fun. You don't want to stand out here and talk all night do you? You came here for a party, not a gossip session."

Before I could protest further, Misa grabbed my arm and dragged me inside, pulling me to the music. It was so loud, I could feel the vibrations through my feet and in my chest. Shouldn't they turn it down? This was an apartment, surely people would be complaining, right?  
Misa put her hands on my hips and began to sway to the music. I tentatively copied her, feeling like a total fool. I drank more, desperate to forget how I must have been embarrassing myself. Even if it was...kind of fun.

A handsome golden haired guy singled me out, grinding against me. I wasn't sure if I was doing it right, but he pulled me closer instead of pushing me away, so I figured I wasn't doing too badly. I gasped as his hands slid into the back pockets of my jeans, forcing my hips against his, the way L always did it. I felt a pang of longing for my lover, sadness that he wasn't with me, and arousal at how I could imagine this rugged, cute guy was actually L rubbing against me, making me feel so hot.

After a while, I excused myself to get another drink. Was this my fourth or fifth? I had been handed more on the dance floor...I stumbled slightly. Surely four...or five drinks wasn't enough to make the world spin like this? Where was L? I was going to fuck his brains out. Wait...he wasn't here. And I had this most annoying erection. Oh! I was in full view of everyone! Everyone would see! I turned around, searching for the bathroom. I would ring L. Tell him that I loved him. Yes. Empty. I shut and locked the door behind me, putting the lid down on the toilet before sitting down. I pulled out my phone, dialling his number.

"Light? Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine," I smiled into the phone, closing my eyes, enjoying the sound of his voice. So deep...smooth...beautiful...

"Where are you? I can hear music and people talking."

"I'm at a party. Nishi let me come."

"I see. Are you sure you're okay?"  
"Well, I _do _have this one problem," I purred into the phone, undoing the button of my jeans. "It's big and hard...I just don't think I can solve it by myself."

"Is that so?" he smiled into the phone. I shivered at the sound of his voice.

"Mmmhmm," I replied, sliding the zipper down. I pushed my jeans down, beginning to breathe hard. I pushed my underwear down and gasped as the cool air hit my hot skin. "Ah! L, please help me." I rubbed the sensitive tip, crying out. "Feels good," I breathed into the phone. "What would you do to me right now, L?"

"I would throttle you, for driving me insane with wanting you, but being unable to touch you."

"How would you touch me?" I teased, shivering slightly.

"I suppose I would rub your nipples for a start."

I let my fingers trail upwards, rubbing them into a state of attention. "Ah!"  
"Does that feel good?" he asked, voice deep with lust.

"Uh-huh...Ohhh...L..."

"Wet your fingers, Light. Put them in your mouth." I did so, sucking them greedily, blood pooling further between my legs. I wanted nothing more than to start touching down there, but I waited for L. "Now rub your nipples again, with your wet fingers. Are they hard?"  
"Yes, so hard," I gasped into the phone. The room gave a drunken spin. I steadied myself and moved my hand lower. "I can't take this, L. I want you." I trailed my fingers down my chest, down my abdomen and across my hot belly before curling them around the object of my inflamed desire. I cried out, nearly dropping the phone. I began to stroke myself, wishing it were L doing it to me instead. He breathed in my ear, urged me to go faster. Eyes closed, I obliged him, wriggling my hips in an effort to take these feelings higher. I needed so much to feel this. To get this release.  
I curled my toes, painless prickling shooting through my legs. "Ah! Ah! L!"  
"Does it feel good, Light?" he asked, a delicious lustful sound in his voice. "Tell me how it feels, my love."

"It feels...so...good," I moaned, breathless. "You're so...good, L."

"Good? I want better than that, Light," he purred. "You're not going hard enough. Faster, come on."

"L!" I cried out, so close to the edge. He said my name until I came, getting my hot wet mess all over my hand, falling back on the toilet, sweaty and exhausted.

"Was that good, Light? Did you come?"

"I wish I'd..." I quickly shut my mouth.  
"What do you wish, my love?"  
"Nothing."  
"I can tell it's not nothing," he smiled into the phone. "I won't laugh, I promise."

"I wish I'd come inside of you," I mumbled, blushing, even though he wasn't even with me to see. He was quiet for a moment, making me want to take back my words.

"Is that so?" he said, the smile still in his voice. "Well, you have been a good boy, lately. I guess...once wouldn't hurt. We'll talk about it, later, alright? When I get back."

"What?" I sat there, stunned. Was he serious? Or just teasing me? Was he just saying that?

"I have to go, Light. I've got a meeting to go to in a few minutes. And...be careful. I don't want you going to hospital with alcohol poisoning, okay?"

"How'd you know?" Was it really that obvious that I had been drinking? L merely laughed and blew kisses into the phone before hanging up. Damn.  
I got up and washed my hands and my limp member before doing up my jeans and checking to make sure I hadn't made a tell tale mess anywhere. How long had I been in here? Hopefully no one was waiting to use the toilet. I reddened. What if they'd heard me in here? I was almost afraid to open the door.

Tentatively, taking a deep breath to calm down my pumping heart, I opened the door and stepped out. The music instantly blasted my ears, and there was no one around. I breathed a sigh of relief. Even if someone had been by the door, the music would have drowned out my sounds...I hoped. I'd rather not know. Ignorance was bliss.

"Get off of me!"  
I turned to see Enah emerging from behind a door, her hand raised and speckled with what appeared to be blood. I flinched, remembering what I had been told about that afternoon. _"There was blood everywhere..."_  
"Get lost or I'll knock your block off!" Enah shouted at a dark haired young man. He was clutching his nose, blood seeping from his fingers. Had Enah...broken his nose...? "No means no, you pig!"

I stared at the guy for a moment and then charged forward, stepping between him and Enah, before punching him in the stomach. "Fuck off!" I growled. "Leave her alone!"

He gave a muffled yelp of pain before hurrying off. "Did he hurt you?" I asked Enah. She shook her head, eyes filled with a furious fire.

"No. He was with his girlfriend and she told him no, but he wouldn't listen. I punched him in the nose. The girl's gone with her friends. Lucky I stepped in before he managed to get his pants off."

"What a..." I bristled with anger. Enah gave a frustrated sigh, nodding in agreement. Somewhere, deep within me, I gloated. Enah was just perfect to be Kira. There was no doubt about it. She was willing to put her own personal safety at risk to protect others...

"I need to wash my hands," Enah murmured, moving to the bathroom. "So, enjoying the party so far, Light?"  
"Until what just happened, it's not too bad." I could still hear L's voice going through my mind. "Did you find your boyfriend?"

"He's _not _my boyfriend," Enah grimaced, eyes smiling behind her black rimmed glasses. "At least not yet."  
_Perfect. _She wouldn't give up. It was as if...fate was working in my favour, by giving her to me.  
"We should hang out sometime," I smiled. "It's lonely without L, and I think he gets upset because he thinks I don't have many friends."

"Ugh. Blood is disgusting," Enah grumbled. "Yeah, I don't have to work on Wednesday, if you're free. I was planning to try out this new juice bar that opened up."

"Sounds great. A health fix...I don't think L would like it that much though." My phone vibrated in my pocket. L? No, it was a message from Arisa!

_Mr Yagami, Miss Minase asked me out._

_You were right._

I stared at the screen of my phone for a moment before smiling. My credit was probably low from ringing L, but it didn't matter. I could scab off Matsuda or Nishi in the morning.

_Wow, that's amazing!  
Congratulations!_

"Looks like Mitsu and Arisa are going out," I smiled. Enah raised her eyebrows in amusement.

"Arisa, as in, the School President?" she asked. I nodded as she dried her hands. "About time." I gave her a questioning look. "Arisa has been coming to the shop I work at for ages. She's a private person, despite how loud and childish she can be, and she confides in me a lot. I've always told her to make her move on Mitsu, but Arisa's been too shy to even confront her own feelings."

My phone vibrated with another message from Arisa.

_We're not going out. _

_I haven't said 'yes' yet._

I blinked in surprise. "Okay...Arisa just told me that they're not. She hasn't said yes to her yet."

"What?" Enah laughed. "Give me that phone." She spoke aloud as she texted. "Why not...you...How do you spell 'nincompoop'? N...I...N...Okay, instead....Why not, you...idiot? Go...for...it...Exclamation mark...Where's the...found it, never mind...From...Light and...Enah. Perfect. Okay...Send."

I took the phone back, chuckling to myself. "I hope she doesn't think I'm betraying her privacy by letting you in on the conversation."  
"The only reason I don't have any texts from her is because the battery in my phone ran out. Trust me, she would have sent me a thousand for every five texts she's sent you."

My phone vibrated yet again and Enah dived for it, snatching it from me. I leaned over her to read over her shoulder.

_Dear Miss Enah and Mr Yagami,_

_I can barely handle calling her by her first name_

_let alone grasp the fact that she wants to kiss_

_me as much as I want to kiss her right now. _

_She insisted on taking me home, but I was so adamant_

_to show the same chivalry to her that I'm not sure how_

_things shall work out between us. We can't both be_

_the gentleman of the relationship._

"So...Light, who's the gentlemen out of you and L?" Enah teased. I flushed and elbowed her in the ribs, in a very ungentle manly-like fashion.  
"Why doesn't she call you by your last name?" I asked her, realising the use of 'Miss Enah'.  
"It's a pet name thing," Enah shrugged. "She adores my first name and thinks its much cuter to call me 'Miss Enah'. I have to agree, actually. Calling you 'Mr Light' is kind of cute, too. I should tell her to do that."

"What should we say?" I asked, taking the phone back.  
"Tell her not to worry about the stupid little details about who's going to be seme," Enah told me, hands on her hips. "For crying out loud, that should be the last thing to worry about."

_Don't worry about that. You'll work it _

_all out with time. You just need to get used_

_to one another, but first you need to establish _

_the relationship! Don't let this opportunity slip _

_through your fingers just because you're worried_

_about who's going to be seme._

I hit 'send' and stretched, yawning. I checked my watch. "Wow...eleven already? It doesn't feel that late, even though I'm tired."  
"Tired? How can you be tired? Don't tell me you play the good little housewife and turn in just when the sun goes down?" Enah teased.

"I'll have you know that L and I usually don't get to bed until well after midnight," I told her, folding my arms. The reason why left me blushing slightly and Enah didn't have to guess to know why.

"Well, at least it's okay, because you're married," she teased.

"Not by law, we're not," I mumbled, hurt flashing through me. "In some countries, it's illegal for two guys to have sex, even if they're over the consensual age."

"Then I'm surprised," Enah smiled, reaching to touch my cheek. "Looks like L loves you so much that he holds no disregard for the law. Or, he just likes to get his rocks off in you."

I reddened, unable to help but grin. "Smooth, Enah. Real smooth."

"Has she replied yet?" Enah asked, changing the subject. I shook my head, and suggested we move to the balcony. It was surprisingly more quiet, but much colder in the open air.

"Does it bother you at all?" Enah asked, as we stood there.

"What does?" I asked.

"The fact both of your best friends are gay. Kind of a coincidence, right? Though, Mitsu's always been with boys...and her last boyfriend hit her, didn't she? I'm not surprised she's decided to get with a girl instead, for a change. I'm just so happy she's chosen Arisa, for Arisa's sake. She was always scared of rejection, and now Mitsu's finally come out and admitted she likes her first..."  
"You know, it bothers me a lot, that Chikayo and Mitsu are gay," I murmured. "You may think that's selfish of me, but it's not because I don't feel unique or different any more. Instead, I feel more accepted. But I wish they weren't...because I don't want them to be discriminated against. Hated for what they are." I looked down at the street, looked at the different lights. "I never thought...anything could happen to me...like it did to Chikayo and I that day. I wish they were straight, so they would never be targeted like that." My hands gripped the edge of the balcony tighter and tighter, until my knuckles were almost white. "I wish Chikayo wasn't gay, so none of this could have happened. He doesn't deserve to be in hospital right now, with scars all over his face just because he loves someone." I wanted to punch something. "I don't want them or anyone to be hated just because they love someone who just happens to be the same gender! If Kira was around, this never would have happened. Those fucking jerks would never have laid a hand on us!"

"Kira is probably dead," Enah said softly, looking up at the sky. "Or maybe he gave up on us. Just gave up on protecting everyone from injustices. People lost hope after L declared that the Kira investigation was closed because there was no new leads to go on, and it appeared Kira had stopped killing."

Was now the time to tell her? Yes. I couldn't think of a better time. I carefully made sure the door was shut and there was no one around to overhear. "Enah...Kira stopped killing...around the same time I met L, did you know that? Don't you ever wonder what L could have seen in a typical school boy, even if he was the son of a detective?"

"What are you saying?" she asked, eyes wide with apprehension.

"Enah...I'm Kira. And I want you to carry on my work."

"You're...Kira?" she whispered, face full of disbelief. "How...can...?"  
"I'm going to explain it all to you, Enah, but only if you promise that you never tell anyone, _anyone_, including L, what I have just disclosed to you."

"L...who was hunting Kira...married the man...who is Kira," she murmured, realising. "He knew it was you?"  
"Yes. I gave up being Kira for him, which was a very selfish thing to do," I told her. "But I'm passing my power to you. _You _will be Kira."

"Me? Kira?" she repeated, stunned. "I can't believe this."

"I've been watching you for a long time, Enah, and you're the best person for the job."  
"There was a second Kira, I know that much," Enah said, her mind catching up with her. Her eyes widened with surprise. "It was Misa. Why else would you be friends with her? You didn't really need someone to pretend to be your girlfriend, that was just an excuse. She was the second Kira."

"See? You're too smart for your own good," I smiled. "That's why I'm choosing you."

"It all makes sense...You wouldn't lie about this, Light...I believe you."  
"I know. I've organised everything, and soon enough, you'll be given special pieces of paper. You'll write the names of criminals on these bits of paper, and I'll give you a set of rules on how to use them. Can you do this for me, Enah?"

"I...I'd like to think about it."  
"I can't let you do that, Enah. I need an answer now. Yes. Or no."

"Then...yes. I will."  
"You're protecting the world, Enah. You're doing the right thing. You've got the right sense of justice," I told her, beaming. "Together, we'll make the world a safer, more gentler place."

***

I groaned. What had woken me? I had planned to be sleeping for a good few hours. Another beeping sound.  
"Awake, yet?" someone asked. I jumped in surprise, nearly falling off the bed.  
"Matt!" I exclaimed, seeing him lying on L's side of the bed, playing with a Game boy, looking like a picture of ease. He rolled his eyes. "Can you not smoke on the bed? And you're wearing boots. You'll get dirt on the covers," I complained, grumpy.  
"What are you? My mother?" Matt scowled, getting off the bed. "I'm in the house for ten minutes and already I'm getting in trouble."

"Sorry," I mumbled, padding to the bathroom. He followed me, sitting on the counter as I washed my face. I had a slight headache and my throat was dry. I really didn't like drinking that much. It had been late when Nishi and I had gotten home, or was it early? Two in the morning. I had explained things to Enah...she had agreed to be Kira for me.

"Were you out drinking last night?" Matt asked, eyes on the screen of his Game boy. I nodded, groaning a little. I brushed my teeth and decided to have a shower. I'd feel much better after it, I was sure.

"How come you're here? I thought you and Mello were in England."

Matt's lower lip trembled slightly, but his apathetic expression didn't change. "Mello and I broke up."

***

Haha, one of the biggest cliff-hangers yet, I think ^w^ Shortest update ever, I think. Not much happened. I've decided, that once this is all over, I'll cut everything down into proper chapters, and have the full story at the end, because I'm one of those people who copy stories into Word and go back and review later on, so I can read in my own time. So people could either read the chapters online, or just copy the whole thing at the end. *shrugs* Because I'm cool like that. :D

So, my little lovelies, if there's any of you who are Aussies and going to the Animania in Brisbane in September, I'd love you to come find me and tell me you love me *^^* Please? I'll be cosplaying as San from Princess Mononoke, wearing a big fluffy fur cape and have blood all around my mouth like some rabid animal. ^^ But I might be Pain from Naruto, yet...hmm...

Oh yeah, before I forget (I wouldn't really forget XD ), it's time for...DUN DUN DUN!! Author Questions!!

1. Ever cosplayed before? Who as? (Yeah, I know this is off topic, but I just wanna know!! ^^ )

2. See, I can still write a lemon between L and Light, even when L isn't around! I'm magic! haha. Did you see it coming? Comments?

3. Enah finally knows!! What do you think?

4. That scene was pretty powerful, I reckon. When Light is explaining how he wishes his friends weren't gay. Comments, anyone??

5. You know, the usual, how can I improve, how would you change the chapter, blah blah...^^

Okay, now I need you all to do a me and yourselves favour. LightLoveLLawliet inspired this one ^^ *hugs* ....So, get my story. Got it? Okay, now roll it into a little ball. Now cuddle it. Give it a little kiss and tell it how much you love it. Yay!! Because I just did the same with all of you wonderful little lovelies!! My readers whom I love so much!! (Especially the ones who comment/review O.o *evil eye to those that don't* hahaha )

Alright, now onto the issue of those lemons people wanted. I tried writing the MitsuxArisa one, but I really can't write yuri. It just doesn't work for me. I tried. I wanted to impress y'all, but nope. And it was important for the plot, later on. So, instead, I decided to write out their date for you (hopefully you all find it as cute as I do) and wrote a sweet little scene between Nishi and Chikayo for you as well. ^^ Enjoy!!

I want comments on these, as well!! o I demand them!!

***

Arisa watched as Mitsu tapped a coin on the table impatiently. Arisa stifled a smile at this, expecting any moment now for the taller girl to explode with complaints. There was a frown, and the hint of a pout on Mitsu's rose lips...Arisa found herself watching them, at how soft they looked. She had been a little surprised when Mitsu had asked her out to dinner. Arisa had never been invited out to dinner before, not like this. Not one on one, in a fancy restaurant like this. Arisa was accustomed to fancy dinner parties that her stepfather's colleagues held, but had never been on her own little date, not for her own purpose. Of course, it wasn't a date, was it? It was just dinner. Mitsu had asked her out to dinner, to talk about things.

Of course, Arisa had always dreamt...

"Is there a waiter around here?" Mitsu burst, resting her chin on her palm, frustrated. Arisa couldn't help but giggle. Mitsu's little temper tantrums were quite amusing...cute to say the least.

"Miss Minase," Arisa said, giving the most childish smile she could muster as she hugged her panda bear closer to her chest, "I think there's a waitress coming to serve us." She pointed.  
"About time," Mitsu sighed, eyes narrowing at the waitress.

"Be nice, Miss Minase. This restaurant looks very busy tonight."

"I'm paying for it, so I want decent service."

"I really don't understand why you're offering to pay for me, Miss Minase."  
"Offer? It wasn't an offer, there's no choice in the matter," Mitsu smiled, an amused glint in her eye but enough steel in her voice to indicate there was no arguing for the matter. No matter. Arisa would find a way to pay for them both later on. She wouldn't be doted upon.

"Are you ready to make your orders?" the waitress asked, looking very tired.

"Yes. I want the ravioli with no mushrooms. I hate mushrooms. I'll also have some of the Greek salad on the side," Mitsu said, looking down at the menu. She smiled up at Arisa who was frowning at her own menu. "Having trouble picking? This place has some pretty good seafood dishes."

"No, I know what I want, I just don't know what Panda-chan wants," Arisa frowned.

"Panda-chan?" Mitsu repeated, confused. Arisa stroked the ear of her bear lovingly.

"Oh," Mitsu smiled. "I see. Well, how about you put Panda-chan on her own chair, for starters."

"Panda-chan is a boy," Arisa murmured, cheeks turning pink, as if embarrassed for her bear. Mitsu smiled broadly and turned to the waitress. "I'd like a phonebook as well. Or a cardboard box."  
"Why do you need a phonebook or a box?" Arisa asked, confused. Mitsu folded her arms.

"Well, I thought it was obvious. Panda-chan is too short, so he'll need something to sit on or he won't be able to reach his plate."

"You have a point, Miss Minase," Arisa agreed. "Perhaps they have seats for toddlers?"  
"Yes. Are there any highchairs?" Mitsu asked the waitress who looked as if she were not comfortable with the strange requests.

"We do have highchairs," the waitress finally nodded. "I'll go get one for you."

"What a nice lady," Arisa murmured, eyes following the waitress. Mitsu grimaced slightly, then pulled Arisa's menu from her.

"I'll order for you and Panda-chan. I don't think Panda-chan will eat a full meal, so I'll pick one from the children's menu. Is that okay?"  
"That's a wise choice, Miss Minase," Arisa nodded. Mitsu bit her lip.

"You know, Arisa, you don't have to call me by my last name. Please call me Mitsu. I feel like it's too formal, we aren't at school."

"I don't think so," Arisa said, giving a slight smile. Mitsu rolled her eyes, exasperated.

The waitress returned with the chair, and Panda-chan was strapped carefully in. Arisa let Mitsu make the order for her, and dug heartily into the lasagne when it finally came.

"So, what did you think of the theatre?" Mitsu asked, watching as Arisa moved to 'feed' her bear, bringing a loaded fork to his stitched, smiling mouth and holding it there for a few minutes before eating the food herself.

"I found the storyline enrapturing, but the set wasn't painted too well."  
"I liked it too," Mitsu snorted. They ate in silence after that until Mitsu ordered dessert. "You know, Arisa, that's a really pretty dress."  
"Thankyou. Mr Yagami helped me pick it out."

"Light did?"

"Yes, he was very helpful. He's very experienced with colours, I think."

"I taught him everything he knows about picking out outfits," Mitsu smiled proudly. "Which means, technically, I helped you pick out that dress."

"No, you didn't," Arisa frowned.  
"I said 'technically'. I really didn't pick out the dress, but-"  
"I know what 'technically' means."

"Then why-"  
"I just like messing with you, Miss Minase," Arisa chuckled, resting her chin on her palm. "You get very cute when you're flustered."

There was slight pink tinge around Mitsu's cheeks, but she grinned back. "Finally, Miss President. You're finally admitting we're on a date."

"I didn't say that," Arisa replied hurriedly. "I just said you were cute when you-"  
"You told me I was cute, which sounds like something you'd say on a date."  
"I didn't mean for it to sound like that-"  
"Don't get your knickers in a knot. I just think you're cute when you're flustered," Mitsu teased, sipping her water. Arisa reddened and quickly stuffed more ice-cream into her mouth.  
When it came to paying the bill, Arisa had the money out of her wallet before Mitsu had even begun to reach for her handbag.  
"Put that away," Mitsu said, lips in a thin line. "You're not paying, _I _am."

"I cannot let you do that, Miss Minase. You were the one to plan this day out, so it is only right that I pay for our meal."

"_Exactly. I_ planned it out, so _I'm_ going to pay."

"Well...What if I pay for you and Panda-chan, and you pay for me?" Arisa offered, a little grumpy.

"Fine. But I pay for half of Panda-chan's meal," Mitsu shot back. "That's only fair."  
The two girls paid for their meals, leaving behind an amused, yet irritated waiter, and walked to the bus station. The bus took them back to the suburban area where they each lived, and Mitsu lead the way, until Arisa stopped.  
"Miss Minase, you're going the wrong way."  
"No, I'm not. This is the street where your house is, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. But _I'm _escorting _you _home," Arisa pointed out, folding her arms huffily around her bear.  
"Don't be daft, Arisa," Mitsu groaned. "I'm taking you home, you're too small to walk around in the dark by yourself. I don't want you getting hurt."  
"And I don't want you hurt, either," Arisa pouted.  
"Well, how about, on the next date, you can take me home," Mitsu sighed, eyebrow twitching. "But right now, we're closer to your house than mine."

"Okay, but I get to plan the next outing," Arisa said, cheeks slightly pink, not daring to say 'date' or anything relating to such a thing.

"Fine by me," Mitsu told her, a little amused. Without saying anything, she reached for Arisa's hand and walked her home. Arisa didn't say anything, her face warm. The hand around hers was so soft and warm...She smiled to herself, hoping Mitsu wouldn't notice.

They stood on Arisa's doorstep a little awkwardly, Arisa hugging Panda-chan tightly to her chest. "I had a good time, Miss Minase."

"So did I," Mitsu smiled. Her face softened. "But I'd be even happier if you agreed to be my girlfriend."

Arisa flushed. Inwardly, she was jumping around, screaming and singing with delight, but there was a big meanie named 'Too Shy To Even Think" standing in the way.  
"Too stunned for words, huh?" Mitsu smiled, trying not to show how disappointed she was. But she was not the type for giving up so soon. She reached forward and kissed Arisa's forehead. "I'll see you later, okay? I'll be waiting for you to ring with the details of our next date." She began to walk away, but then paused. "By the way," she grinned. "Your meal cost more than mine, so I paid more than you."

Arisa silently watched her disappear into the darkness, hugging Panda-chan, furious.

***

"Hebi is beautiful," Chikayo breathed, a broad grin on his face. We lay on my bed, facing one another on our sides, Hebi curling around my arm which I held out between us. There was something beautiful about Chikayo, the way his eyes were bright with life, the near-constant grin upon his perfect lips. Light wasn't home, was studying with one of his friends from school, and I had invited Chikayo over, to hang out. Uncle Matsu and L were at work, so it was just Chikayo and I alone in the house.

I enjoyed Chikayo's company, loved his opinions, his preferences and dislikes. He was such an easy going kind of a person, and the sexiest boy I had ever laid eyes upon.

He was nothing like the previous girlfriends and boyfriends I had had before, where they wore Lolita and put effort into creating an image. Chikayo simply put on a shirt and jeans and still managed to look as good. I wasn't sure about him. He wasn't anything like the other types I'd dated, and I doubted I was his type either, but I was always one for experimenting and trying new things.

It took me a moment to realise I had been looking into his eyes for quite a while, but what surprised me more, was that Chikayo didn't seem perturbed at all, and had been watching me in return, comfortable in our silence.

"I'll put Hebi away," I murmured, heart thumping loudly in my chest. I sat up and began to put my beloved pet into his warm glass tank. Was it chance that had me put on my tightest black jeans on this morning? The ones that I had been told accentuated my legs? Or had I donned them, with Chikayo's visit in the back of my mind? I smiled to myself, turning back to Chikayo who was still watching me.

"Nishi?" he smiled softly. I smiled back, and returned to my position on the bed. His hand reached over and rested warmly on my hip, as my fingers curled around a fistful of his shirt on his shoulder. "You have beautiful legs, you know."

"I've been told," I grinned, shifting closer. I could feel his warm breath on my face, smelling of mint and chocolate. A shiver ran down my spine. Usually the people I had slept with I hadn't really been friends with previously. But I wanted more with Chikayo. I wanted to be inside of this beautiful boy, whose skin glowed like the sun, when mine was as pale as the moon in the night. I wouldn't mind him inside of me, either.

Chikayo's fingers moved to tangle up in my hair, pulling me closer, into a kiss. Our lips brushed against each other, moved, simply touched for a while. I usually wasn't so affectionate, so gentle, but Chikayo was different. He cared, paid attention, tried to give me pleasure instead of doing this for his own pleasure. I found myself being equally as unselfish, wanting him to enjoy this.

Slowly, I ran the tip of my tongue along his bottom lip, smiling as his mouth opened in surprise. His fingers tightened in my hair slightly, as he sat up slightly to get a better vantage before kissing me back. I let him for a moment, before I hooked my leg over his waist and used it to push him onto his back, getting onto all fours over him. I slid my knee between his thighs, opening them as I kissed the corner of his jaw, his hands sliding under my shirt to hold my waist, his warm fingertips tracing patterns that sent tingles to the base of my spine.  
I lowered myself between his legs, bringing my lips back to his own, distracting him. Chikayo didn't seem the type to be an uke, but I wasn't really fussy either way. As long as I came had been my rule to that.

"Mmn," he moaned against my lips, as I reached beneath his shirt, exploring his ribs. He had such a beautiful body.  
"Chikayo, take off your shirt," I ordered, sitting up and straddling his hips. I helped him do so, before pushing him back down and replaced my exploring fingers with my lips, kissing his skin, tasting it. It was almost amusing at how sensitive his nipples were, but his reaction of chest rumbling moans and trying to jerk upwards for more was just as arousing for me.

His fingers worked at the hem of my shirt, trying to pull it off. I was reluctant to stop, but obliged him and took my shirt off. His eyes drank in the sight of me, making me flush for the first time. I had never been worried about what someone had thought of me before.  
Slowly, his fingers traced my collarbone, then moved to the scar over my heart. I had once heated up a needle in the flame of a candle and had pressed it to my chest, burning a heart shape into the skin over my heart. I had been bored at the time, but I was beyond glad that I had, as Chikayo smiled and traced his tongue over the imperfect lines. I ran my fingers in his hair, beginning to pant. His skin was so hot, so delicious...

"...Ah...Ni-Nishi..." he groaned. I smiled into his hair, sweat beginning to make my own hair stick to my temples. He reached up to kiss me. No one had kissed me this much...as if it were all they wanted...could be content with only kisses. I kissed him back, wanting to give him every kiss he could ever desire. I would do that for this boy who glowed like the sun. This one who made me feel like it was my first time all over again. His fingers entwined in mine and I soon realised that his lips didn't have to touch my own for him to be able to steal my breath away. Just that look in his golden eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

"What? I didn't even know you were going out."  
"We weren't, not like that," he grimaced. "I mean, we're not friends anymore. He doesn't want anything to do with me."

"What? Why?" I burst, shocked. "What happened?"

Matt paused for a moment, letting his fringe cover his eyes as he gathered his composure. "I came home one night, and found him...with another guy on the couch...I couldn't stand it. I bashed the shit out of him and screamed at him to never come back. Mello couldn't believe it. Neither could I. I'd just totally lost it. He told me to get lost, he didn't want to see me again."

"Just because you bashed up his boyfriend?" I pressed. "Didn't he even know how jealous you were?"  
"_I wasn't jealous,_" Matt said through gritted teeth, even though we both knew it was a lie.

"I can't believe Mello kicked you out just for that," I mused, running a comb through my hair.

"He thinks I'm against gays or something and I finally cracked," Matt explained. I was silent for a moment, processing his words. Mello thought...Matt was a homophobe? I almost laughed. Matt _was_ a homophobe, even though he was in love with another boy. I thought back to our conversation in the coffee shop.

_"I just like Mello. No one else. I'm not into boys."_

I smiled to myself. It meant a lot that Matt felt that way. That he cared more about Mello as a person than a gender.  
"Well...I'm going to have a shower. Why don't you go see if Matsuda's awake and see if he'll fix you up some breakfast? With Matsuda around, I might forget how to cook and clean. I don't know how he does it all on top of his work as a detective."

Matt didn't reply, simply strode out, still playing his Gameboy. I couldn't believe he could be so composed like this. If L had told me he didn't want me around anymore...I don't know what I'd do. It hurt just to even think about it.

I undressed and stepped into the hot water, leaning my forehead against the cool tiles. I had to fix things between Mello and Matt. They were perfect for each other, why couldn't Mello see how much Matt loved him? And why didn't Matt fight for Mello? Why hadn't he told Mello why he'd done what he did? Just explain his feelings?  
I heard the ring tone of my phone and I groaned, before rushing to the bedroom, naked and soaking wet. I scooped up the phone and raced back, letting my lower half stay in the water, and my other half lean outside. It was a private number.

"Hello?"

"I just rang to tell you that I love you," L said, his voice full of smiles. I laughed gently.

"I love you more," I told him.  
"I strongly doubt that, my love. What's that sound?"  
"I'm in the shower, washing my beautiful body," I told him, grinning. He laughed.

"You sure know how to make me jealous, don't you?"

"You won't believe who turned up this morning. Matt. Mello kicked him out."

"I know," L said quietly. "I was speaking to Mello earlier. How is Matt doing?"  
"He's calmed down now, but he was screaming, crying his head off, tearing stuff apart...No, actually he's so calm and relaxed about it, it's freaking me out. It's like he doesn't even care. I mean, I know he cares, but I don't get why he won't just stand up for himself and tell Mello he loves him. Maybe we should tell Mello. This whole thing is stupid," I groaned.

"It really isn't our business, Light. So, which delectable part of your body are you washing at the moment?"

"Why don't you guess?" I teased. He laughed softly, his voice becoming deep and chocolate in my ear. I trailed my fingers along my tight stomach, smiling into the phone.

"How many guesses may I have?" he asked, voice full of his delightful, mischievous lasciviousness.

"None, because I'm not in the mood. Not until things between Mello and Matt get better, so you'll have to help me if you want more phone sex," I told him smugly.  
"But it's none of our business, Light."

"It is too. Matt came to our home, and they're both family no matter what anyone thinks."

"Speaking of family, when was the last time you visited yours?"

He caught me by surprise. It had been a while since I'd seen Mother, Father and Sayu. "That's not the point, Lawliet. Let's not argue about the details. No sexy time until Matt and Mello are fixed."  
"And what if their relationship is irreparable?"  
"I refuse to accept that outcome," I told him. "You're the famous L, there's nothing you can't do."

"Except convince my meddling husband to keep out of other people's affairs."  
"But they really love each other. I can't just stand by and watch them ruin this."  
"They can sort it out in their own time, without our interference. Mello has plans to visit us in Japan shortly after I return to work on a new case, so it won't be as if he and Matt will never cross paths ever again." He blew a kiss into the phone. "You have a good heart, my love."

And just like that, almost as if my heart had stopped and restarted, thoughts rearranged in my mind, new thoughts formed, emerged. I became cynical. Kira.

A good heart, then? Light Yagami _had _to be good. Because that was the norm. It was expected of him. Of me. And I had thrown away half my heart, my freedom, to follow this other half, this half that beat just for L. And making things work for Mello and Matt...protecting my friends...making friends at all...the purpose for that was because I had no other way of creating a happy world any more. I could only do little meaningless things like this, because I had lost the power to make these changes for the rest of the world. But Enah...If only I had told her differently. I really should have stuck to my plan more carefully. Told her when I wasn't so intoxicated and sure of myself. Cocky. And she had no choice but to agree. But I had still wanted her to think she had some kind of a choice and was not being forced into it...I was never letting myself lapse and become dulled by alcohol ever again. I was not going to become self-assured.  
Matt arriving today was the worst timing ever. He was bound to report anything strange to L or Mello if it came to it, perhaps not, but I would still move carefully around him, around everyone. I had to see Enah and move the pieces along. Misa...was she ready? Had she moved Rem into place? I had to know. I should not have told Enah until I had Misa ready with Rem's pages from the Death Note.

"Argh," I groaned in frustration, running my fingers through my hair. Nishi's party was the stupidest idea ever.

"Light, are you okay?"  
"Yes, fine," I said hurriedly, forgetting I was still on the phone to him. "I just got shampoo in my eyes."

"I was given a basket of soaps and various things, and I'm having them sent home to you, speaking of shampoo."  
"Will I like them?" I asked, forcing amusement into my tone. What mindless chatter.

"Probably not, but I do. It's all made out of natural honey. And while I was examining the labels, I had the strangest idea."  
"And what was that?"  
"When I get back, I'm going to smear honey all over your nipples and suck it all off."

"Sounds like fun," I purred into the phone. Mindless chatter...but I was still easily aroused by him.

"Probably a very sticky affair, but a tasty one, nonetheless. I'm afraid I have to go, Light. I only really called to say I love you, so my driver is probably wondering where I am..."

"I see. Well, I'll be waiting for your next call, alright? Don't leave me waiting," I smiled, hoping I sounded sexy.  
"Love you," he chuckled. I returned the gesture and hung up, before putting the phone on the bench by the sink and returning to washing myself. The image of L sucking my nipples wouldn't leave my mind, and I found myself slowly running my fingertips along my stomach, feeling the smooth skin, leaving little trails of what I could only describe as sparks. My nipples hardened at my touch. I placed my hand over one, wondering. If I had breasts, if I were a girl...would L still love me the way he did?

My phone rang again. Enah. "Hello, Enah," I said into the phone. "I'm going to have to call you back, I'm in the shower. Or maybe we could go out for lunch somewhere."

"Lunch sounds good." She sounded subdued, but determined, as if she had come to a conclusion in her mind. "My break at work is around one, so would you meet be by the shop around then?"

"Of course. I'll see you there." I hung up, relieved. I wasn't sure how these things could work, but I was afraid my phone could be tapped by L or something, the calls retrieved by taskforce. If she had said something about Kira, I wasn't sure if it could get us into trouble. For now, it was best to say things only face to face. I could not trust anyone or anything. This was the world I had to paint around myself, if I wanted the rest of the world to be a better place.

***

Leaving Matt at home alone with Matsuda and Nishi, I met Enah by the shop Nishi had taken me to and we walked together to get food and found a place in a nearby park to eat.

"Enah, I want to apologise," I began. "I should not have brought this up at the party, it was stupid of me. I forced it upon you, and gave you barely any chance to think."  
"Light...Even if you gave me a chance to think..." She paused, her eyes flickering at me behind her glasses. "I would still say yes. And if ever refused you, you wouldn't have much choice but to get rid of me. I'm just a little upset that you think so little of me. That you would be willing to throw our friendship away and kill me so easily. But then again, I can understand, because you need as little people knowing about you as possible, and even though we are friends, you can't fully trust me. You can't trust anyone. Don't make apologies, Light. Just tell me what I need to do."

"You say that I can't trust anyone, but that rule doesn't seem to apply to you," I commented, sipping my coffee. "You're putting your trust in me."

"L...You have L. He's the only one who ever came close to guessing it was you, right? You know him better than anyone, you can work around him. I trust you, Light, because I don't really have a choice. If I say no to becoming Kira, you'll kill me. If my life is putting L's or yours in danger, you'll kill me. But you can't be Kira, and you can't use Misa, so you need me. You won't kill me while I can still be useful." She pushed her glasses back. "And I'm not unintelligent. I won't make things difficult like I'm sure Misa has. If I listen to you, and if I keep my mind sharp, we can make sure that neither I nor you can ever get caught. You have weaknesses and so do I. We'll have to watch each other's backs, so you will have to trust me, eventually."

"Have you noticed that the people whose names I wrote down, the ones who attacked Chikayo and I have died? I have special paper, and when you write someone's name down, they die of a heart attack. You can specify the time of death, provided it's within that person's lifetime, and you can write them a cause of death, provided it's within reason."

"You've explained this to me. And I know that you shouldn't tell me where the paper comes from or how it works. If anything goes wrong, it will be best that I know as little as possible."

"Right," I nodded. "As soon as you touch this paper, you will be able to see a Shinigami."  
"A god of death? Well...that doesn't really surprise me, I guess."

"This God of Death is the owner of these pages, and follows Misa around. Around everyone, me, Misa, L, _everyone_, this shinigami does not exist to you. You cannot see her, you cannot hear her. This is important. If L knows you can see Rem, that's the end of it all for us. You may as well announce to the whole world that you're the third Kira. Misa will do her best to make sure that you and Rem never cross paths, so there's no chance you'll be able to see her, but you'll see Rem the first time you receive this paper, so you won't be so startled if you meet later on. Rem and Misa will explain the rules to you, and from there, you'll use your own judgement to clean the world of all the filth. I will only interfere when necessary, when there's a danger to us. Of course, there are requirements. You'll have to kill one person every hour, you'll have to be wary of creating a pattern with your kills. If you tend to kill people of the same gender or of certain races, that will provide L with information about you."  
"I understand that, Light. I can't let the people I kill reveal anything about what kind of person I am. I'll focus upon the most important criminals, and not upon the lesser ones to start with, or I'll give the impression I'm Misa."  
"You know, I'm surprised how well you've followed the case," I smiled. She shrugged.

"It's only logical. If Misa was trying to get your attention, she'd have to kill lesser criminals, ones that you wouldn't get to first." She rested her chin on her palm and leaned closer to me, her brows furrowing. "But what I really want to know is how you're going to deal with L once Kira comes back."  
"I'll support Kira, even if that hurts him. I won't act in any way to help or hinder him when he takes the case up again. But I'm sure he'll have trouble solving this one. The only paper can come from Rem, and Misa and I are the only ones who know about it. L will believe me when I tell him there must be another person with this paper."

"So...this is all pretty simple. L will be chasing a ghost."  
"I slipped up enough times. I won't make the same mistakes. But I want you to swear you won't kill anyone who's in your journal."

Enah's eyes flew open with surprise, then bit her lip, face becoming guarded. "I won't. They don't matter."

"Don't do anything risky, is all I'm asking you." We proceeded to talk about her task and my plans.

***

The house seemed so empty with L gone, even though Matt had moved in and had one of the spare rooms upstairs. He had gotten a job as a games tester, which I thought was a waste of his intelligence, but suited him perfectly. I figured I'd let Mello and Matt cool off until L returned, and when he did, the house seemed more bright, more full of life.  
Matsuda cooked two huge apple pies with strawberries and cream as part of a huge feast, and Matt helped Nishi put up decorations all over the house, the pair tired of Matsuda nagging at them to stop lazing around. Even Ryuk helped out, by putting gravy powder in one of the apple pies and toothpaste in the mashed potatoes. I was impatient for L to arrive, sweeping and mopping the floors. I wished I were at the airport, helping him home, instead of letting him be driven home by Father who had insisted.  
I wished Sparkles was fixed, it would be a little longer yet, but Chikayo was let out of hospital and would be here soon. He had nothing but the scars and occasional headaches that he took medication for, and it seemed his arm was fine enough, though he sometimes had trouble moving his fingers, but was undergoing some physio therapy to strengthen the muscles or something, according to Nishi.

My parents and Sayu would be here to celebrate L's return and Chikayo's release, but what I really wanted was to be all alone at home, so L and I could have a long night together, making up for lost time while he had been abroad.

When the front door finally opened, I dashed for it, throwing myself upon my lover, wrapping my arms around him and burying my lips into his. "Light," he gasped when we pulled back for air. His eyes glittered with happiness, and seemed lost for words before he drew me in for another long kiss.

Father cleared his throat from behind L and I heard Sayu's familiar giggle. L grinned at me and followed me into the house, one arm around my waist. "Are all the decorations for me?" he asked, looking around.

"No, we had a party to celebrate our last night without you and we forgot to take them down," Nishi teased. L laughed and took the offered wine from Matsuda. I heard Sayu gasp. I turned to see Chikayo shuffling into the room, his bandages gone, revealing his face. I should have warned her.  
It was as if someone had gotten a blunt knife and had carved lines from the bottom of Chikayo's right eye to his jaw, tearing the skin, shaving it off in places. There were two jagged cuts through his brow, and there was a resemblance between his face and a map.

"Chikayo, is that what they..." Sayu trailed off, drawing away in something akin to fear. Hurt flashed in Chikayo's eyes, for the girl he'd known for years retreating away from him. I realised. Had he seen Lani yet? What would Lani think? But Lani...loved her brother. She would love him no matter what. Lani wasn't scared of anything but Chikayo's sock monster. I smiled fondly at the memory, as Chikayo wrapped his arms around Nishi's waist from behind, burying his face into Nishi's hair.

"It's great to see you're not in hospital anymore, Chikayo," Mother said gently. "Your mother has been very worried about you."

"She won't leave me alone. It was like World War Three trying to get her to let go of me and let me come here tonight," Chikayo told her, rolling his eyes.

"Matt," L greeted the gamer, spotting him behind Matsuda, out of the circle of attention.

Matt never took off the goggles, and sometimes, I wondered if they were to help hide the fact he grieved for Mello. I had seen him once, walking past his bedroom door upstairs, him lying on his bed upside down, his head almost touching the ground, feet on the wall, Psp in his hands. This one time, his goggles had been lying on the ground by his head, revealing his eyes which were red, moist and puffy, wiping his nose with the back of his gloved hand.  
If the subject of Mello ever came up, he clammed up, wouldn't talk. Matt wasn't much of a talker anyway, so when he closed up, his eyes emptied, his face became a hard mask, inpenetratable. It was like he was in a whole different place. I knew there was no way I could bear the pain he would be going through, if L had thrown me away, had torn away all contact.

"Enjoyed your trip?" Matt asked coolly.

"No, not really," L replied pleasantly enough, tousling my hair. "I would have preferred to stay here. They miss you at Whammy's. And Mello is coming here for a visit, shortly."

"I'm going out for a smoke," Matt muttered, leaving to go out into the backyard. I hated to let go of L, but I did so, following Matt's dejected back to where he found a seat under the apple tree.

"How are you dealing, Matt?"

"An ounce for two-fifty if you're interested."  
"Don't be an idiot."  
"Then don't pry." He wrapped his arms around his knees, jaw tight, where I could see he was trying so hard to clear his mind, to push his emotions away.

"Do you miss the orphanage?" I asked, watching him closely.

"No. Why would I? I never gave a damn."  
"Then why did you leave?"  
"The same reason I stayed," he croaked, trying to wipe his nose inconspicuously.  
"Because of Mello?"  
"Why...can't you..." He gave up, face searching the sky for something to console him, eyes flooding with tears. His lungs heaved, his shoulders shaking with his ragged breaths. I tried to reach for him, but he shrugged me off, scrambling to his feet, before leaning against the tree, his knees appearing to be too weak to support him. "I just...can't stand it," he ground out, voice thick. "You and L together. Why can't I have that too? Why doesn't...Mello...?"

He was silent for a moment before his hands became tight fists and he punched the tree.

"Even Nishi has Chikayo, and he loves Chikayo even though half his face is practically torn off," Matt said through his tears. "I hate being around them. They've got everything Mello won't let me have."  
"I _know _Mello loves you. He's a blonde, so you've got to give him some time to figure out you love him too." I was really grasping for excuses here.

"Mello doesn't love anyone but himself. He's a selfish..."

I couldn't argue with that. I bit my lip, thinking hard. Mello was coming to visit, wasn't he? What could Matt do that would interest Mello? Ruffle Mello's feathers? "Matt...why don't you get a girlfriend?"

Matt's head jerked up in surprise. "What?"

"Get a girlfriend. Someone just like you. We're going to make Mello jealous."

"Jealous? Mello doesn't like me, so how would that work?"

"I'm convinced Mello likes you, even though he doesn't show it. I just think he's been too shy and unable to admit it to himself, which is why he's always kept you by his side for so long."

"Getting a girlfriend wouldn't work. He thinks I'm against gays, so how could he be jealous?"

"It wouldn't matter. Mello's got a huge ego, and he'll fight for what he wants, no matter what it is. L told me about his competition with Near. Mello won't give up once he's been given a challenge. And I know that Mello wants to be the only one in your life, because he's selfish like that. So once he sees you getting close to someone, he's going to have to do something to prove he's better. You play with him for a while, then you go for the kill. Tell him how you feel."

"It's the stupidest idea I've ever heard. You're basing all of this off of your belief that he likes me."  
"He does," I growled. "I _know _he does."

"Light, Matt, we're having lunch now," Matsuda called from the door. Matt lit up a fresh cigarette and rumpled his hair.  
"I'm not hungry, but I'll be back for dinner." Before I could protest, Matt had climbed over the fence which hid the train tracks from view and had disappeared.

"That kid is pretty moody," Ryuk commented, floating down beside me. "Upset because he got rejected."

"Hey, aren't you hurt at all from Rem rejecting you?" I pointed out, crossing my arms, unsure whether to be firm or teasing. The Shinigami pretended to busy himself with looking for more apples on the tree.

"Rem hasn't rejected me at all. That's implying that I even want to be with her," he told me, trying to sound aloof and cool. I knew Ryuk far too well. "Besides...Rem is into humans, specifically, Misa."

"That...is so weird," I muttered. Ryuk nodded, and I barely concealed a smile. We had agreed on something for once. As I headed back inside, and let my lips brush those of my returned lover, I wondered if I were taking this for granted. My life. L. What if I were in Matt's situation, where he was surrounded by couples?

"Would you like some juice, Light?" Matsuda smiled, ever the perfect host. I felt a flush of warmth for him and how he cared for L and I without being asked. Matsuda...didn't have anyone. He wasn't in a relationship. The closest thing he had was Sparkles...I mean, _The Thing_, and it was a car...Matsuda didn't seem affected at all. Didn't seem to care that the only people in his life was his crazy nephew, Ryuk (whom he still had no idea about) as well as L and I. Didn't Matsuda...ever get lonely? He couldn't spend the rest of his life cooking treats for L, helping me with my university applications, yelling at Nishi and trying to avoid things being ruined from Ryuk's influence. The future...it seemed so far away.

I sat on L's lap, deep in thought as he chatted to everyone about his trip. Of course, it had been a business trip, so he didn't have much to talk about other than the quality of the hotels he had stayed at, but to fill time, he had brought gifts.

"For the Yagami household, I brought this," L said, holding up a rather festive looking box. He passed it to my mother who opened it and held up large, fluffy bath towels with "Yagami" embroidered on them.

For Matsuda, he had gotten a crockery set with little blue flowers painted on them. For Nishi, he had bought a red top hat and had even bought Chikayo a new tennis racquet. I had known L was fond of tennis, after all, we had played together before, so L knew all about racquets. Perhaps it was a gesture to encourage Chikayo not to give up what he loved.

"I have a present for you, Light, but I think I left it in the hall," L told me, breaking my dis-jointed thoughts. He kissed behind my hair and helped me to my feet. "We'll only be a minute, everyone. I'll just get Light his present."

L took my hand, entwining his fingers in mine as he led me to the front door, and pulled something out of his pocket. He held up a small bag in front of my face, the small kind that held jewellery, dangling it playfully. I smiled, rolling my eyes before snatching it and opening it. "Its empty," I puzzled, my fingers meeting only the bottom of the tiny bag and trying to look inside the small space.

"No, don't do that," L protested, as I tried to tip whatever could be inside into my palm. "You're spilling it."

"Huh?"  
"Its full to the brim with my love, Light. I packed as many kisses and hugs into it as I could," L told me, moving forward to wrap his arms around me, nibbling slightly on my earlobe. "So if I ever had to go away again and you weren't with me, you could take this bag and use some of the love I put in there so you don't miss me too much."

I stared at the wall over his shoulder, watching as it became blurry when tears filled my eyes. I hugged him back tightly, burying my face into his shirt. "I missed you," I breathed, feeling the cold touch of my nose beginning to run. How pathetic of me.

My fingers gripped him tightly as I pulled him into a deep kiss, wanting to show how much I had missed him. I made a small noise as I forced my lips against his, his hands hungrily moving along my waist to hold my rear, pulling my hips closer against his.  
"Oh, am I interrupting something?" Sayu teased, cheeks pink. I smiled, a little breathless.

"Can we help you, Sayu?" I asked, letting L cradle me, my head nestled under his chin.

"Matsuda's serving lunch," my sister explained, leaving us be when L nodded in reply.

"I wish we were alone," I mumbled into L's shoulder. "I just want to be alone with you."  
"Does being naked have any part in your wish?" L inquired, smiling crookedly.

"It might," I teased, running my finger along his collarbone. "I hope you haven't forgotten your promise, about me being seme."  
"It wasn't a promise, I just said we'd talk about it," L smiled into my hair. I looked at him, a wry smile on my lips.

"It sounded like a promise to me. But I promise that I'll make it good for you, Lawliet." I felt him shiver at the use of his name. I filled my voice with as much lust as I could. As Kira, I had always been good at lying, but here I made no false impressions. My heart pounded with want as I regarded him before me. "I love you, Lawliet. I want to show you how much I love you." I leaned in to kiss him, sucking on his lower lip, feeling him beginning to tremble. With his hips against my own, I could feel him beginning to become aroused. "Lawliet, won't you let me touch you? I'll touch you in so many places. I want to hear you say my name when we come together."

He crashed his lips to my own. "Stop teasing me," he ground into my ear. "Save it for tonight. If you keep talking, I won't be able to stop myself from letting you have me right here and now."

I laughed gently and kissed him back, running my fingers through his hair. Eventually, he pulled his lips from mine and guided me to where everyone was eating lunch. I had L's little bag of love tucked carefully in my pocket.

***

I lay on top of the bed, waiting for L to come in. I licked my lips in anticipation, yet my mind continued to race with the thousands of guilty thoughts that plagued me as I became Kira more actively.  
Why was L letting me be seme? Was he hoping to guilt trip me somehow? Did he want something from me? Or did he want to be uke because I had made him feel guilty? Did he just want to experiment and be uke? Had something happened while he was away that changed his mind? I could think of no possible reason, yet the idea of what L and I were going to do still had me undressing myself, beginning to grow with want.

When L entered, he carefully locked the door behind himself before crawling onto the bed and kneeling before me. He tilted his head, smiling before kissing me. "So, Light...Are you ready?"

"Are you?" I shot back, before hungrily leaping upon his shirt and removing it. I groaned as I admired his familiar form.

"What is it?" he asked, showing the slightest hint of worry for the first time. I kissed his forehead.

"I want to do so much to you, but it's all so conflicting. I want to make this last for hours, but I also want to fuck you so hard..."

"That sounds like quite a dilemma," he teased, moving to remove his jeans. I took his hands and stopped them.  
"Not yet. I want to do that myself," I told him, serious. He studied my face for a moment and nodded, throwing up his hands.

"Of course. You're seme, you're in control tonight and I'm all yours."

"Good," I breathed, leaning forward to kiss him. It felt strange to be so dominating, yet it was all that the Kira side of me craved. And it wasn't in L's nature to give in or be dominated...it was his love and trust for me...his carnal desires...God help me if this kiss ever ended.  
I trailed my fingers all along his chest, touching as lightly as I could, brushing as close to his nipples as I could without actually touching them, until he was shifting uncomfortably, trying to generate some kind of friction. I wondered if he knew how hard it was for me to even try to refrain from touching them...sucking on those delicious, sensitive buds of delight.

I replaced my fingers with my lips, letting out a hot, damp breath across his nipples. L let out a moan and tangled his fingers in my hair, urging me to taste him. I did so eagerly, letting my tongue greet his pink nubs, feeling my firm member beginning to throb quite noticeably.

"Mmmn...Light," he smiled into my hair, hands stroking the back of my neck, breaking into the slightest of sweats.

"Lawliet," I gasped against his skin, wrapping my arms around him and trying to pull him closer. If only I could pull him closer. This stupid skin of ours...it got in the way of everything. I wanted nothing more than to be fused in him, and he in me. My tongue trailed up past his collarbone to his neck, nipping and sucking intently on the skin there, relishing the cry he gave. His fingers dug into my sides, as if he were scared he'd burst into flames. I pushed him onto his back, my lips still attacking his neck with a heated frenzy, wanting him all too much.

My nipples brushed his skin as our chests connected, making me moan against him, influenced me to start undoing the button of his jeans. I needed him. Wanted him now, even if the other half of me wanted to take our time. I took a breath. Was I always this impatient? Was it the Kira within me that was making me so inattentive? L deserved more than this.

I tore my hands from his jeans and moved to kiss the inside of his wrists, moving to the crook of his elbow and tangling my fingers in his hair, drawing him into a deep, sensual kiss. He moaned breathlessly against my questing tongue, broke the kiss as he groaned when I unzipped his jeans. He tried to push them off quickly, but I stopped him, sucking on his chest as I slowly removed them myself.  
"Light," he groaned, thrusting upwards into me, wanting friction. He rolled us over, catching me by surprise as he straddled me, reaching for the lube. Was he going back on his promise? Was he going to take me? My heart throbbed with hurt, until he surprised me yet again by coating me in the lube, sucking and nibbling lightly on my nipples in an attempt to distract me.

I held his hips, eyes wide with shock as he positioned himself, lowered himself onto me slowly. He stared sightlessly at my chest as he let me probe his entrance, wincing as he pushed the head in. I grit my teeth tightly, my fingers moving to hold his hips. It took all of my self control not to take his thighs and push him all the way on. How could he make it so effortless when he was seme? This waiting was torture.

L finally slid all the way down, making me gasp and cry out as he engulfed me fully. His jaw was tight, and he remained still for a few long moments, adjusting to me. I wanted him so much. Finally, he grinned down at me. "I may not be inside of you, Light, but I'm still seme," he murmured, voice thick, deep and sensual as he pulled me up for a quick kiss. Before I could comprehend what he meant, he was moving against me, riding me, his hands holding onto my sides as he moved his hips, throwing his glorious head back and gasping on each wonderful slam. I choked on cries of delight, of ecstasy as he rode, urging me to buck against him, slamming himself onto me, working himself into a lather. My beautiful Lawliet was right, as always. He was still seme. He still controlled our movements, our speed, directed the spasms of electricity within my veins. I nearly lost control, the world spinning before my eyes. I cried out, not restraining myself, felt the cool air on the back of my throat as I gasped. "Ah...Ah...Ah...Ah! Ah! Ngh! Lawliet...Oh!"

L was so beautiful...He milked me, squeezed me, sucked me of all I had, stole my breath away and gave me all he had in return, his pearl coloured liquid pooling across my stomach. His hot tongue ravaged my own, still moving against me, loving me. I delved into his wet mouth, panting, exhausted, unable to find words to tell him what I was feeling in this warm afterglow...yet he kissed me back, understanding.

He eventually pulled away, and pulled me under the blankets with him, hugging me tightly. "Thank you," I yawned, eyes heavy as he cradled me. He kissed my brow and stroked my hair until I fell asleep.

***

"You don't know how much I've missed you, Light," he whispered as my eyes fluttered open. My vision cleared to see my beloved Lawliet watching me as I lay in his arms, the sun filtering lazily in through the curtains. My beautiful husband. My Lawliet.

As L leaned in to kiss me, I became aware of my morning breath and the fact we hadn't cleaned up after ourselves last night. I grimaced against his lips, wishing he weren't so close. He may have been my husband, he may have been the only one in the world who understood me, but I was still modest in some ways and cared about what he thought about me. I didn't want him to be turned off in any way because my breath smelled.

"Let's go have a shower," I suggested, trying my best to tilt my head and not exhale so he wouldn't get a face full of my horrible breath.

"Let's just kiss and fondle for a while, first," he smiled, stroking my cheek. "I want to stay in bed with you for a few hours and just talk."

"But my breath smells," I protested. He laughed gently and leaned in to kiss me deeply.  
"You are so self-conscious that it borders on the illusional," he commented, licking my upper lip. I reached up to cup his cheek, brushing his hair out of his eyes, before pulling him into another kiss.

"I still want a shower. Come on, you can wash me wherever you like," I smiled, sitting up and tugging on his hands. He laughed lightly and complied, padding after me into the bathroom, pulling me into his warm arms as we entered the shower. He kissed and sucked on my neck as he rubbed my lower back, content with just holding me. I toyed with his hair aimlessly for a while, thinking. "Lawliet...do you ever wonder if Matsuda ever feels lonely?"

"What makes you ask?" L murmured, nibbling on my ear, making me shiver.

"I was thinking yesterday about it. Matt said he hated being around couples like Chikayo and Nishi, and you and me because he wants to be with Mello like that. It made me wonder if Matsuda ever felt that way. I mean, I don't know if he's interested in anyone or..."  
"I suppose. I'm not aware of him dating anyone at all, so I can't really say if Matsuda is looking for a partner or not."

"I've just always assumed he'd always stay with us, but when I really think about it, Matsuda doesn't have any real reason to stay. Nishi and Chikayo might want to move in somewhere together, so it's not like Matsuda has to stay just for Nishi." I traced L's bottom lip with a finger, smiling slightly as he drew it in, sucking on it. "It makes me wonder about the future. _Our _future. Do we have any plans? Goals?"  
L's eyes widened, his lips releasing my finger. "The future?"

"Yes. I know you want to be with me in the afterlife, but what about before we die? I mean, I'm going to university when the next semester starts and I'm going to be a detective like you and my Father...Don't you have any goals in life, L?"

"Only to make you happy," he told me, beginning to wash my chest. "I'm married to Light Yagami, that's one goal in life that I can cross of my list."

"L..." I looked guiltily up at him from under my lashes. "Did you ever want children?"

L froze, not quite surprised, but more unsure as to what to say.  
"You always said that you didn't want to take that away from me, that you wanted me to be freely able to have kids...But what do you want?" I asked, searching his dark eyes. "Do you want children, Lawliet?"

L stood there for a moment, before kissing my forehead. "I want what you want."

I narrowed my eyes, nostrils flaring. Why couldn't he take this seriously? "L," I growled. "I want to know what _you _want. Don't give me crap about wanting what _I_ want. Tell me what _you_ want."

"I want what you want, Light," he repeated, looking at his hand as he washed his stomach. Why did he have to be so infuriating? Why did he have to treat me so carefully, as if anything he said would hurt me?

"Fine. Forget it. Forget I asked anything," I snapped, stomping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around myself. My hands balled into fists, anger flowing through me. I raided the wardrobe, pulling some clothes on hurriedly before slamming the bedroom door behind me and ripping open the fridge door to make myself breakfast. Stupid L.

So, another update of Death Note Dreaming, my little pretties!! (and manlies, if you'd rather that term of endearment ^w^ ) Hope you liked it (by this point, I'm pretty sure you did). Before I go on to everyone's favourite segment of "Author Questions", I'd like to give a HUGE thanks to LightLoveLLawliet (aka. Ghouleater on deviantart ) for the beautiful fanarts of Nishi and Chikayo he's drawn. I'll be posting up links on my profile page so y'all can all see what a great artist he is. I've even done my own pictures of Nishi, and I'm working on one of him and Chikayo together, so if you're on deviantart, make sure you comment and fave us!! XD

I think it was update three that I last put up my stats for Death Note Dreaming. Here's what we're looking at here at update ten:

Over 86 reviews, over 5,375 hits, over 36 faves and over 50 alerts.

Everyday I get a new email from telling me that I've got new faves and alerts and stuff ^^' By the way, what's a C2? I don't mean Code Geass, but on the stats page, it's got that little table and one is headed 'C2'. What is it?? O.o

Oh, yeah, and there's a special hug here for Maura Keehl whose dedication deserves some attention ^w^ (settle down kids, you're all my favourites, I know you're all dedicated 3 I love you all the same!!)

Now it's time for DUN...DUN...DUN....AUTHOR QUESTIONS!!! (if I can think of any...XD )

1. Anyone upset that Light got to be seme?

2. Yeah, Mello and Matt "broke up". Comments?? Especially about how Matt is gay, yet a homophobe? I know Matt is a little OOC, but I think that's why so many people write MelloxMatt, because Matt is a bit of a blank character, so you can take liberties with him (get your minds out of the gutters. I know they're in there, because you're reading this fic, after all!!)

3. Any comments about L's presents for everyone, and Light's little bag of love?

4. Does L want kids?

What you'll be seeing in the next update:

How will L react to the new Kira?

What will happen that will make Light want to stop Kira? DUN DUN DUN!!! (Its really bad)

Hope you all haven't gone crazy because it's taken me so long to update. I've had an awful case of writer's block, but thanks to a special friend (who still swears she isn't into yaoi, but I _know_ she is) and all of you who have been encouraging me with new ideas, comments and all the new readers clogging up my inbox, I've finally come out with this update for you. Don't thank me, thank yourselves, because I couldn't do it without you all!! (How long d'ya reckon till I get 100 comments? *cute eyes* Come on everybody, let's clog up my inbox some more!! 100th comment is good luck!!)

Now, before I say goodbye and give you all lots of hugs and kisses, there's one more topic to address...Beta Readers. I've spoken to a small number of people and I've been rejected by all of them, for perfectly good reasons, and I've been told by more than one that I'm a good enough writer that a Beta would probably just kill my writing style. O.o

So, I'd like people to comment about this. Should I get a Beta? I might not use one for DeathNoteDreaming, but later on, for my other fics, such as DeathNoteChain and the MelloxMatt one I'm going to write. Know a good Beta? Of course, I'd like my Beta to be able to keep my Aussie spelling and not crush my style (anyone care to explain what style I have, because I really can't pick it up myself), so any of you know anyone? Reckon you're a decent Beta yourself? *shakes fist* And don't go offering to be Beta just so you can be the first to read everything before I update it!! ^^ hahhaha.  
So, now I'll say goodbye and give you all lots of hugs and kisses.

Until the next update, farewell, you sexy people!! xoxo


	11. Chapter 11

***

"Chikayo." I loved saying his name.

"What?" I didn't reply. Instead, I pressed my lips to his, touching them as lightly as I could. I felt a tug on my shirt, and I smiled against Chikayo's lips.

"Nishi." I looked down in surprise at Chikayo's younger sister, Lani, who was watching me avidly. Chikayo and I had taken Lani to her favourite park, and after long hours of playing tag and playing on the equipment, Chikayo and I were resting on one of the picnic benches scattered around.  
"What do you want, Lani?" I asked, smiling at her. I adored Lani. She was everything to Chikayo, and Chikayo was everything to her. I could only care for someone who cared about Chikayo as much as I did.  
Lani blinked. "Are you and Chikayo going to get married?"

I groaned. Was L and Light putting ideas into her pretty little head? Life wasn't all fairy tales. "Marriage is for old people and those who are clinically insane. Marriage screws up perfectly good relationships."

Lani tilted her head, leaning closer as if somehow hearing something better could help her understand it easier. "Getting married is the worst thing two people in love could do. My parents tried it and it didn't work out. My biological male creator left my mother when I was about your age, and my mother does everything in her power to get all the money out of him she can. She's been married three times and each time the relationship has ended. Everything is fine until you get married, Lani," I told her, adamant.

"That doesn't mean your dad and our Mum are going to break up, Lani," Chikayo interjected, seeing Lani's brow furrow in worry. "They're different. Marriage is good for them."  
Lani's face cleared and she nodded, before a game of red rover distracted her. Of course, Lani was more the type to push the other kids over and shriek with laughter rather than follow the proper rules.

"Marriage is worth nothing. It's just a religious fad," I yawned, stretching and putting my arm around Chikayo's waist.

"Do you ever miss your Mum?" Chikayo asked, eyes watching my own. I frowned for a moment, thinking, before shaking my head.

"I can't miss someone who doesn't miss me. I can't care about someone who doesn't care about me. She ditched me, so I've ditched her." I leaned in to kiss his neck, trailing my tongue along his skin, grinning at the sounds of disapproval from the various parents nearby with their children. "D'you miss your Dad?"

"I used to," he sighed, fingers tangling in my hair. "But I've gotten over it. You can't change the past, and I wouldn't give up Lani for it. If he loved me, he'd call me, he'd wanna see me, wanna know who I am. I haven't spoken to him in so long...He doesn't even know I'm gay."

"Who cares what he thinks?" I declared, climbing onto Chikayo's lap, legs on either side of him. "I'm glad you're gay. If you weren't, think of all the great sex I'd be missing out on."

Chikayo's lips curved into a broad smile as he rested his hands on my hips. "For a guy who wears black all the time, you're pretty positive." I laughed at this and leaned in to nip his bottom lip gently with my teeth, before capturing his tongue with my own.

"For your information," I murmured against his lips, "my favourite colour is orange."

"Orange? What kind of a favourite colour is that?" he teased, stroking the side of my neck with his fingertips lightly, tickling me. I tugged on a lock of his hair, smirking.  
"It's the colour of the highlights in your hair, dolt. What's your favourite colour, then?"

"Hmm...My favourite colour would have to be...blue," he announced. "Not that royal blue, but more turquoise, sort of aqua, but not quite green."

"You're so picky," I snorted, wrinkling my nose in amusement. He laughed at my expression and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Of course I'm picky," he breathed, stroking my bare arm for a long moment. "But I don't sleep with just anyone. You should consider yourself lucky."

"I _do _consider myself lucky," I murmured against his lips. "I have you, and I nearly lost you." I gently traced the scars that criss-crossed along his face with my thumb. How could anyone find him frightening? People openly drew away from him, stared, pointed. To me, he was perfect. A grin emerged on my lips. _Almost _perfect. He had this annoying habit of kissing behind my ear which he knew turned me on so easily.

I watched as Chikayo's carefree smile turned into an expression of hatred. I kissed his brow, wanting to kiss away his pain and anger. "I wish they were dead for what they did to me," he breathed, voice trembling slightly. "I want them to hurt."

"Give me a sword and I'll slice their heads from their bodies," I promised, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Tell me and I'll do it."

"Nishi...you can't."  
"I'll do anything you want," I growled in his ear, eyes burning. "They deserve to rot in hell. If Kira were still around, this never would have happened. Kira would have killed them long before this happened to you."

"Kira is dead," Chikayo pointed out, becoming cool. "Kira is over."

"Kira is _never_ dead," I told him, running my fingers through his hair, gazing into his eyes. "Kira is never dead if what he believed in is still alive in our hearts."  
"I thought you always said you didn't have a heart," Chikayo commented, looking away, mouth set unhappily. "Since when have you ever cared about humanity?"  
"Since I met one human who changed the way I saw stuff," I told him stubbornly, grabbing hold of his jaw and forcing him to look up at me as I glared down at him. "If there's people like you who are a part of that humanity, then I'll protect them just like I protect you. Those bastards that hurt you aren't humans. They're worse than humans. They're more disgusting than the maggots in the rotting flesh of a human corpse. They don't deserve to live."

"Humans in your mind are worse than animals," Chikayo murmured, reaching up reluctantly to stroke my cheek.

"Only humans have the capability of being evil," I declared, firm in my beliefs. "And it's evil that hurt you, Chikayo, so I'm going to destroy it."  
"You can't go around murdering people."

"I know people."

"Nishi, drop it. I don't want you being responsible for anything. I don't wanna lose you if you ever got caught." I wasn't the kind of person to give in so easily, but I could see that stressing Chikayo out wasn't the best idea. He had gone through enough without me stirring him up. "Let's get Lani home," Chikayo said finally, pushing me off of his lap. To make up for the argument, he wrapped his arm around my waist and held me close as we walked over to fetch Lani who was poking a rock with a stick, seeming to be under the impression that if she poked it long enough, the rock eventually would sprout legs and scuttle off.

Lani didn't mind leaving the park, as Chikayo piggybacked her home, she fell asleep against him, tired from having run around so much. From what I knew, Lani got tired easily because of her insomnia. I liked Chikayo's mother, but treated Chikayo's step father with polite indifference. He wasn't totally happy about Chikayo being gay, or his taste in boys, under the impression that I was a bit of a bad influence. I couldn't have agreed more.

Chikayo and I huddled together on the couch, watching a documentary about pyramids as Chikayo's mother bustled around, getting ready for dinner at her brother's house. Chikayo wasn't going, opting to stay home and hang out with me. I knew that Mr Tanaka, Chikayo's stepfather, wasn't happy with the idea of Chikayo and I being left alone here, but he didn't say anything, instead urging Chikayo to take out the rubbish and do the dishes. Of course, as soon as that front door closed, Chikayo's lips merged to my neck, his fingers pushing up my shirt to rub my sides. I became impatient with just kissing, though.

"Let's go upstairs to your room," I urged, as he kissed my jaw line. He nodded, eyes glazed slightly with lust, before he took my hands and pulled me quickly up the stairs and to his bedroom before falling upon my shirt hungrily. I smiled against his lips, letting him remove my shirt before pushing him onto his bed and taking a look around at his familiar bedroom.

There was a full shelf full of manga, and posters of various bands he liked as well as a red beanbag on which we had often just held each other, listening to music from the large speakers he had above his bed. His walls were a light cream colour, except for the wall above his bed, which was painted a rich chocolate colour. As Chikayo began to pull off his own shirt, I strode over to the window, looking at the great view I had of all the other houses that were built down along a decline.  
"What're you thinking about?" he asked, walking over to me and wrapping his arms around me, his chin resting on my shoulder, peering out of the window to see what I was looking at. I lightly touched my head to his own.

"Nothing. Just admiring the view."

"Nishi...I've been thinking..."

"About what?" I asked, leaning into him, feeling his warm chest against my back.

"I was thinking about moving out. I've decided I'm not going to university, and I've given up any chance of playing tennis ever again...I think I'll get an apartment and I'll get a job somewhere..."

"Give up tennis?" I repeated, surprised. I turned in his arms, narrowing my eyes. "You _love _tennis. I don't get how anyone could like sports at all, but if you compare it to my love for denim, then there's no way I could give that up."

"It's just hitting a stupid furry ball across a court. It's not going to get me anywhere in life," he scowled. "I still get tremors in my hand, they could be permanent, so I'm not going to get my hopes up and think that they'll stop. And let's face it, even if I studied to become some business guy, no one wants to hire a faggot who can't work his hand properly and looks like half his face got chewed up and glued back on."  
"I don't know if you've noticed, _faggot, _but I love your face and I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks," I growled, pulling his lips to mine. He was reluctant at first, but I could be as stubborn as he was. He finally gave in and let my tongue into his warm, wet, delicious mouth. As I kissed him, I pushed him towards his bed before falling with him onto the comfortable covers, my hands working the sensitive, beautiful flowers that bloomed upon his chest, hardening so easily to my touch. I kissed his neck, wanting to show this appealing, alluring young man how attractive he was. How perfect each plane of his body was, how fine the line of his collarbone, how distinct the form of his abdomen and how straight and even his nose was. I showered my lips upon him, like stars that fell from the sky to fall upon his enchanting skin.  
"Nishi," he moaned, as I suckled him. His fingers wound in my hair, his breathing ragged to my ears. I smiled against his flushed skin, moving one hand down to cup his strong member, that lay clothed and kept away. He moaned, arching his back to increase the pressure there. I kissed his jaw line, nibbling and tugging on the lobe of his ear gently with the tips of my teeth as I rubbed against the material hiding him from me. He gasped, groaning, his hands moving to my hips to guide them down to where my hand teased him.

I found this enticing, the way he arched into my touch as easily as the girls I had bedded before him. My sensitive boyfriend...I loved that word. Boyfriend. It filled me with happiness, when 'girlfriend' meant nothing at all. Boyfriend. _My _boyfriend. My Chikayo.

"Nishi...Ah..." he ground out, pushing me away and sitting up hurriedly so he could undo his pants. I licked my lips in anticipation, whilst looking at Nishi, knowing that he found it sexy. He moaned as I helped him push his pants to his knees and let him work furiously at the button and zip holding my own pants shut. I kicked them off as quickly as I could, and saw the familiar wrapper of the condoms he preferred. I captured his lips in my own as I pulled the lubricated rubber from his fingers and moved to place it upon him myself. He bucked and gasped at my touch, making me grin devilishly.

Chikayo wasn't fond of being an uke, but he was as sensitive as any man when he was touched in just the right place inside of him. I didn't mind if he preferred being seme, because either way, he still the best fuck I'd ever had.

I kissed him, flicked my tongue against his as I lowered myself onto him, our breathless gasps filling the air. I felt a flush of heat and sweat broke out on my skin. I moaned, feeling him fully sheathed within me. I paused a moment, my mind blissfully blank, before I started to rock against him. He cried out, sitting up and burying his face into my chest as I moved, moved as one with him, seeking out that ecstasy that I could only find with him. With Chikayo. Undefined pleasure and boundless waves of love.

"Nishi..." he forced out, licking my lips, enticing me into a kiss. Hard and fast, soft and slow...it didn't really matter. I loved him all the same. I sighed and moaned, dancing with Chikayo in the beautiful dance called 'love-making', letting him move us until he was nestled between my legs, slowly moving into me, his stomach rubbing against my length, his lips moving against my own. My fingers dug into his back, crying out with each slow yet steady thrust, feeling like I would explode into a million fragments as he filled me with his love.

I came against him, arching and writhing, feeling my own reaction set him off within me. I shuddered, wrapping my exhausted legs around his waist, pulling him ever closer, wanting to lock him within me, never wanted to leave this beautiful place we were in. It was so warm. He finally moved to lie beside me, tossing the used rubber into the bin beside his bed, before hugging me tightly, holding me together. I smiled into his salty skin, closing my heavy eyes, content to fall asleep forever, if we could just stay like this. "I love you," he breathed in my ear, his heart slowing and his skin cooling. I buried myself into him further.  
"I love you, too."

***

Stupid L. Stupid L. Stupid L.  
The same thoughts swirling around my head. I just wanted to let out a loud, angry scream. Stupid L. He was so frustrating! Didn't he know how frustrating he was, never answering me? I just wanted an answer. Yes or no. Simple. Hell, I would've been content with a 'maybe'! But not this crap about how he only wanted what I wanted.  
I stalked around the house, avoiding L who was upstairs working on a case. I felt so...angry. I flumped down on the couch, flicking through the channels on the television, but not really taking any of it in. What if L asked me the same question? Would I answer yes or no? I scratched my chin in thought, grumpy at my conclusion. I'd probably tell him that he wanted children, then I'd support his choice and if he didn't, I would be content with that.

I gritted my teeth. This argument was a sign of the differences between L and I. He was at an age where he was ready to start a proper family, reproduce, and I hadn't even started my life yet. I hadn't started university yet, I had no career yet...nothing. I wasn't ready for kids. I really didn't want kids. The only reason I could ever want them was to make my parents proud grandparents, and if L wanted to be a father. I would love nothing more than to have a child of his own, to hold and love, but kids weren't something to take lightly. They weren't cuddly playthings, they grew up and you had to teach them everything.  
I frowned. Maybe L wanted a family so much...because he didn't have one of his own. He grew up in an orphanage, without any parents. I was his only family. My family was the closest thing he had to call his own, and of course Mother loved him, Father respected him and Sayu adored him, but...it couldn't ever be enough for L...could it?  
I grimaced and turned the television off. So, in the end, I would tell my beautiful Lawliet the same thing. That I would choose whatever he chose to do. Whatever made him happy made me happy. I got to my feet and slowly climbed the stairs, placing my finger on the touchpad and entering the pass code before entering L's unofficial base, where he was typing something up on a computer. "Light," he said softly, turning around on his swivel chair to face me. I studied his face for a moment, seeing how tired he looked, how dark the circles under his eyes were, how pale he looked. His face showed concern that I would start arguing with him again. Instead, I strode forward and kissed him gently.

"I'm sorry," I told him grudgingly. "You were right. I'd say the same thing if you asked me."

"Light..." He pulled me down onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me, hugging me tightly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be clear enough for you. I can understand why you're so frustrated, it's just that I can no longer distinguish my own personal feelings from those that concern you. It's in my nature to do whatever makes you happy, Light, so I find myself never having an opinion about things."

"I only want kids if you do," I told him, kissing his cheek. "I know you're ready for kids, but I'm not. I'm still a kid myself, Lawliet. If you ever want kids, I want that to be because _you _want kids, not because I do. And I know how much having a family means to you. I'm just...so arrogant that I don't even think things through properly."  
"Light, you are not arrogant-"  
"Yes, I am," I smiled, pressing my finger against my lips to quieten him. "Don't interrupt. I'm just asking you...that if you ever decide that you want to raise a family...if you could wait for me...until I'm ready for it. Because judging whether or not I'm ready for something is clouded by my wanting whatever you want."

"Light...I could wait a thousand years for you," he promised, reaching up to kiss me. I smiled and kissed him back, caressing his tongue with my own.

"L," a familiar voice said. I jumped in surprise, seeing the screen of L's computer change into an image of a gothic style 'W' with a white background.

"What is it, Watari?" L spoke into the microphone, arm still around my waist.

"I have some urgent news, but I really must insist that I inform you in private."

"I see," L replied, frowning. He turned to me and pecked my lips. "I'm sorry Light, but I'm afraid you'll have to entertain yourself for a while."

"That's okay," I shrugged. "I was thinking I'd go visit some friends or something anyway."

"Have fun," he bid me, kissing my lips again, before turning back to his computer. I gave him a smile, and left the house as quickly as I could. I knew what Watari was going to tell L. He was going to tell him that Kira was active again. That criminals were dying of inexplicable heart attacks. I had arranged for it to begin happening, it had really only been a matter of time before L's attention was drawn to it. And this time, this new Kira had to be louder than the last one. It had to become blatantly obvious that Kira was not dead. That Kira would overcome death to bring justice to the world, to build a perfect society.

As I walked to the train station, I mused. What would L do? There were so many things, and I knew that even if I tried to profile him, he would always do what I would not suspect. If he rang me, should I answer? Of course. Not answering would seem too guilty. Or would answering seem too expectant? No, the less I thought about it, the more surprised I would be and the more innocent I would appear...but I still had to be careful. If I let anything slip, made any wrong wording that could suggest anything that he could use later on...  
If he found out it was me, if he had actual proof...what would he do? Surely this time he wouldn't let me get off, would he? This time...this time things would be different. I was going behind his back, betraying him. He could never trust me again. Would he...stop loving me? Hate me? Detest me? Would he hand me over? Let them execute me?

My phone rang. It was L.  
"Hello, my love," I trilled into the phone, my insides writhing terribly. I was not Kira right now. I was helpless, weak, hopeless Light.

"Light, I just received a phone call from Mello. He's at the airport waiting to be picked up, but Watari isn't able to leave right now. If I got you access to a car, could you...?"

"Uh, sure," I told him, trying to breathe. He seemed so innocent. So unaware. Was I wrong? Didn't L know yet? "Kind of sudden, though, isn't it? I thought he wasn't coming for a while yet."

"You know what Mello is like. He'd rather just turn up and expect a place to stay, rather than plan things out. Impulsive." I could almost hear him roll his eyes. My heart still pounded guiltily. Was he just pretending to me? How could guilt consume me so easily?

L gave me a series of digits and directions to a garage he kept close to the house, which had a variety of cars within it. I wasn't surprised that L had a safe house so closely located to where we lived, I was sure he would have several in Tokyo alone. The garage contained an ambulance, a sleek black Buick, a beat up blue sedan and a yellow sky liner GS. I found the keys on a table by the back, each labelled clearly. I was sorely tempted to try out the ambulance, just to impress Mello, was too afraid I'd scratch or dint the Buick and would never be seen in a dumpy car like the sedan, so I took the keys for the sky liner, wincing a little at the bright yellow colour.  
I unlocked the door and slid in, before reaching for my phone, dialling a number.

"What's up?" Matt asked, sounding oddly muffled, as if he had a mouthful of food.

"It's me."  
"I figured that. I've got caller ID," he informed me, sounding unimpressed. "What do you want?"

"I just thought I'd tell you that I'm off to the airport to pick up Mello. He's just arrived, I don't know how long he's intending on staying."

Matt was silent for a long moment. "Okay. Thanks."

"Okay. Alright then. Um...bye."  
"Later." He hung up on me, leaving me biting my lip. There was too much going on between L and I involving Kira, without having to deal with this Mello and Matt dilemma. I wanted nothing more than to ignore it, but if I did, L would see it as awfully suspicious. Who knew if he knew right now? Was he playing innocent, or wasn't he aware yet? Even so, if he didn't know, he'd find out soon anyway. It was going to become hard to ignore. Of course at first, the police would do everything to keep the media attention away from the Kira killings for as long as possible, so of course L was going to know before I myself would be informed like the rest of the public.  
I found Mello waiting impatiently outside of the terminal, sitting on his pile of luggage as if it were a royal throne, his teeth gnawing at a chocolate bar. He flicked his hair back from his eyes as I approached him, smiling in a friendly way.

"Where's Watari?" he asked, frowning as he got to his feet.

"He's busy at the moment. L asked me to pick you up," I explained. "How many bags did you bring?" I queried, astounded, looking at the five large suitcases. My suspicions were confirmed. They were heavy. "Did you pack rocks in these?"

Mello just rolled his eyes and took one bag, wheeling it behind himself, letting me deal with the other four. Bastard.

***

"Mello!" Matsuda cried happily, as the boy princess strode into the house as if he owned it. "I didn't know you were coming!"

"I thought I'd surprise you," Mello grinned, shaking his hand. "Where's L?"

"Upstairs. He hasn't left all day," Matsuda explained, leading us into the kitchen. "How was your flight?"  
"Shit as per usual," Mello told him, helping himself to the fridge. What was it with detectives and their habits? He raided the shelves and produced some chocolate pudding. "In flight movie was shit, the attendants were ugly, the seats were uncomfortable, the food sucked, the guy in front of me snored..."

"Uncle Matsu, did you wash my red jeans?" Nishi asked, striding into the kitchen. He stopped and blinked at Mello, looking at him up and down. I almost snorted. They dressed almost the same, except Mello looked more like a biker and Nishi looked like someone from a Tim Burton film.

"This is my nephew, Richie," Matsuda told Mello, smiling as he made himself some coffee. "He came to live here not long after the wedding."

"Call me Nishi. Uncle Matsu's the only one who calls me Richie," Nishi smiled, reaching forward to shake Mello's hand.

"I'm Mello," Mello told him, with a more than welcome smile. I wrinkled my nose.

"Don't get too interested Mello, Nishi's got a boyfriend," I told him, with a wry smile. "Funny, you know him...You recall Chikayo, right?"

"You're Chikayo's boyfriend?" Mello asked Nishi, surprised. Nishi nodded.

"You know him?" Nishi asked, equally surprised. Mello nodded, accepting the hot chocolate from Matsuda.

"So, how's he going? I tried to get here when I heard about what happened, but I figured I'd only come if he asked me to." I wanted to break Mello's nose. Didn't he worry about _me _at all?

"He's doing okay," Nishi told him, smiling. "He's still having problems, but he's pretty much over it now."

"So, what's Mathew up to? I mean Matt," Mello inquired, sounding unconcerned, examining his nails, even though he had gloves on. "I haven't heard from him in a while, that's all. Last I heard, he was living here."

"He is," Matsuda nodded, unaware of the situation between the two should-be lovers, slightly confused that Mello was now so indifferent to his friend. "He'll be home for dinner, he got a job as a games tester."

"Sounds like that's a great job for him. I mean, he used to like games, didn't he?" Mello asked, voice cool. "Especially word games."

"He's missed you," I told him, folding my arms and leaning against the wall. "He's had a hard time trying to get over you."

"Shut your mouth!" Mello snapped. "Don't act as if you know him. I don't even know why you let him here, what story did he tell you? Did he tell you that he hates faggots like you?"

"He doesn't," I growled, glaring back at him. "You just assumed he did, when he bashed your boyfriend. Didn't you know how jealous he was?"

"Jealous? Who wouldn't be jealous of me? Matt's a little shit head and I hope he leaves me the fuck alone."

"If there's going to be a problem with you and Matt staying here together..." Matsuda trailed off, face carved in anxiety. Mello shook his head, turning away from me, scowling furiously.

"There's no problem," he grunted, taking a deep gulp of his drink.

"Tch. How could Matt fall for such a loser?" I muttered, just loud enough for the blonde to hear as I began to leave. Why was I so hot headed? Was it because I was Kira once more and considered myself better than everyone else? Was it because of all the stress I was under? I would have to calm down, L would be studying me for changes in behaviour.

I strode upstairs and knocked on the door. "L? Can I come in?" I called. I bit my lip. Would I usually sing out to him like this? I was over analysing everything I did. I took a deep breath, knocking on the door again, before I realised the room was soundproofed, and L wouldn't be able to hear me. I typed in the pass code and opened the door slowly. "Am I interrupting something?" I smiled warily.

L turned in his chair, chewing on his thumbnail, eyes glazed over with thought. "No, Light. Come in. I could use your help with something."

"What is it?" I asked, shutting the door behind me and settling myself on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me, producing a lollipop for me. I smiled.

"There's a new case that has come up, and I hate to admit it...but I'm terribly stuck."

"Stuck? Stuck, how?"

"I can't see a motive for the murders at all. No particular set patterns...no particulars in anything. It seems the murder kills just for the pleasure of killing. But then there are signs that the killer was reluctant to kill, the wounds suggesting more a hesitation than anything else. It's not making much sense to me at the moment," he sighed, closing his tired eyes. I kissed the tip of his nose.

"You'll figure it out, you always do. You're never wrong," I smiled, moving to kiss his cheek. "Maybe you need a break. Have you been working on this case all day?"

He nodded and brushed his lips against my own. "It's a rather urgent case," he murmured. I was glad his shut eyes could not see my frown or concern. He wasn't working on the Kira case? Was...was L lying to me? Distracting me from what he was really working on? How important could any other case be, compared to the Kira case? L could solve cases in his sleep.

"I'm sorry that I ruined your day out," he mumbled, appearing to be slowly falling asleep.  
"Ruined my day? How do you figure that?" I asked, amused.

"You wanted to visit your friends, and I asked you to pick up Mello. I know you, Light, and Mello is probably driving you mad with his stubbornness. You are convinced he belongs with Matt, but Mello would never admit it."

"Don't worry about it," I told him, forcing a smile. "There has to be some good qualities to Mello. They're just buried deep down somewhere in a place where the dinosaurs used to roam."

L chuckled softly and stretched. "I'm sorry, I'm falling asleep on you. I'm utterly exhausted."

"When was the last time you slept?" I inquired, trying to count back the nights. He usually slept every second to third night, but would often sleep for about an hour most nights before getting up and working while I slept. "You need to look after yourself better."

"I'm too busy looking after you," he teased sleepily. "I might go have a nap."

I was a little surprised. He would usually work until he fell asleep in his chair. He helped me off of his lap and headed to our room. I lay with him on the bed, watching as he fell asleep within moments. I curled into him, nestled against his warmth and closed my eyes, letting myself drift to sleep with him.

***

I blinked groggily. What had woken me? I heard retching, and the disgusting sound of someone vomiting. I swallowed, wrinkling my nose. Where was L? The sounds were coming from our bathroom. Was L sick? I checked the clock, to find it was the early hours of the morning. How long had I slept? I climbed out of bed and padded into the bathroom, seeing L heaving into the sink, body shaking, face sweaty and flushed.  
"L? Are you okay?" I worried, hurrying to his side and wiping his face.  
"I'm fine," he managed, spitting into the sink. "I detest the taste of bile."

"What's wrong? Did you eat something off?"  
"Maybe," he said, washing out his mouth. "I think I have a flu or something, my head is pounding."

"Your head is hot," I agreed, feeling his cheek with the backs of my fingers. He swayed on the spot for a moment, looking unsure for a moment, before he threw up again. "Oh, L. Here, let me call Watari, he can get a doctor to come to see you."

"I don't need a doctor," L said, trembling. "I know what's wrong with me."

"You don't know for sure. What if it's food poisoning and you need antibiotics?"

"Light, I don't need a doctor. It's normal to be sick."

"Lawliet..." I said, looking at him, worried. He rinsed out his mouth and began to brush his teeth.

"I'm feeling much better now," he offered. "It happens. Sickness comes and goes."

"You're right," I agreed, hovering over him, examining him closely. "But it's better to be on the safe side. I don't want you to be sick."

"Light, calm down. Haven't you ever seen anyone other than yourself throw up before?" he smiled weakly. I wiped his face with a damp face washer.

"Sayu got food poisoning once, on her birthday, when we took her out to a fancy restaurant. She was sick for weeks, and I've heard that some people can be sick for years, and the effects can never leave you, and food poisoning can kill people, too."  
"Calm down. You're way too imaginative," he snorted, brushing his teeth a second time. "I haven't got food poisoning. I'm just sick, for once. I'd call into work and get a sick day, but I work on cases at home, so I guess I can still work," he tried to joke. I crossed my arms.  
"You're not doing anything," I growled. "You're staying in bed _all day _until I'm convinced you're better, or you let a doctor come see you."

"Playing doctors are we? Tell me, Nurse Light, who is spanking who?" he teased, undressing and throwing his soiled clothes to the floor before stepping into the shower.

"As much as I want to make hot, hard, loud passionate sex with you, I don't do sick people," I told him, folding my arms, leaning against the wall. "The sooner you see a doctor, the sooner you get better and the sooner you'll have me grinding into you."

"You grinding into me? Isn't vomiting a sign of pregnancy? Maybe you got me pregnant," he teased. "I knew letting you be seme was a bad idea."

"Can we not joke about you being sick?" I groaned. "I want you to get better as soon as possible, Lawliet."  
"When you plead with me, when you use my name...it makes it hard to say 'no'."

"Then don't," I told him, removing my clothes and climbing into the shower with him, taking the soap from him and lovingly lathering his body. I could see him become aroused, which excited me, but there was no way I was going to give in. Not until he became better. I didn't like seeing my beautiful, precious L being sick. He didn't kiss me, and I'm glad he didn't, because no matter how many times he would brush his teeth, I would still imagine I could taste the vomit in the back of his throat. "Why don't you go back to bed?" I suggested, running my fingers through his beautifully wet hair. He closed his eyes, leaning into my touch. "You shouldn't be working if you're sick."  
"I have far too much to do to take a day off, and I work from my own home, so it isn't too straining," he told me, smiling wryly. I groaned and hugged him close. "It's just a passing illness, I'll be perfectly fine in a day or so."  
"It's just one little measly day off," I wheedled. "Can't you afford one day from working?"

"The only thing worth skipping a day of work is rubbing honey on your nipples and licking it off. We haven't tried that yet, you know."

"Okay, if you stay in bed all day and you feel better, then...maybe I'll let you do whatever you like to me."

"I don't like the sound of that 'maybe'," he grinned, stroking my cheek. "It seems far too carefree, too open to change. And I've already told you that I feel fine."

"What if what you have is contagious? Do you really want to make me sick?"  
"I'm sure that whatever I have is not contagious," he assured me, his face soft.

"But isn't the flu supposed to be contagious? Maybe you've got the flu. Or what if you really _are _pregnant? Is pregnancy contagious?" I teased, twirling his hair around my finger.  
L laughed and held me close, kissing my neck. "I'm not pregnant, Light. You don't need to worry. If anyone is going to get pregnant, it would be _you_."

"What makes you think that _I'd _be the mother?" I challenged, putting my hands on my hips. He chuckled.  
"You meddle in everyone's affairs like some old woman, you gossip, you're so slim, you're terrible in the mornings, you're obsessed with how you dress, you're uke..."

"I may be uke, but I don't bottom as naturally as you do. Bending over and taking it up the ass comes naturally to you, I think you should do it more often seeing as you're so good at it," I told him silkily, licking my lips teasingly.

"Is that so?" he smiled, fingers trailing down my spine to rub at my entrance. I couldn't help but shiver and whimper, gritting my teeth against the pleasure. I pushed him against the wall, hearing his gasp from the cold tiles compared to the hot water. I attacked his nipples, licking them, sucking them, persuaded them to harden. He groaned, biting his lip, closing his eyes, breathing quickly. I let my tongue stroke his freshly washed, and now quite tasteless skin, until I reached his beautiful appendage, which was slowly beginning to rise, comparable to the sun rising with the dawn. I smiled up at him, placing my hands against his hips to settle him into stillness as I kissed around his swelling member, brushing my lips softly against the sensitive skin underneath his navel that led to better things. He let out a restrained gasp, fingers moving to my hair, guiding me without a hint of gouche and full of love and want to the place where the sun had risen. I embraced him with my lips, urging him to be still with my hands as he cried out involuntarily. I found it so appealing, the way he hated to show any kind of weakness by making sounds of pleasure but still couldn't help the small groans and whimpers from escaping his lips. Oh, my beautiful Lawliet.

Nishi had once mentioned to me that humming while giving blowjobs was pleasurable to the person receiving it, but I would never admit that I had taken Nishi's unwanted suggestion. I wanted nothing more than to pleasure Lawliet...but humming? It seemed so stupid...He would laugh at me. Why would anyone hum during a blowjob? Instead of crying out my name, he'd be more likely to start guessing what tune I was humming. Moaning worked the same as humming, didn't it? It made your mouth and throat vibrate the same way, right? Sort of? There was really only one way to find out. I moaned against Lawler's hot, throbbing skin, instantly feeling his fingers tighten in my hair, his whimpers turning into pants. He boiled to the surface, moved my head into a satisfactory rhythm until he burst within me, filling my mouth and throat with his slightly metallic tasting liquid that was uniquely his. I did my best to swallow it, urging myself not to cough as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.  
"Light," he gasped, leaning heavily against the wall, his legs quivering from his release. He smiled down at me. "What's your diagnostic, doctor?"

"If you're feeling okay, I would suggest you stay in bed all day with your husband, self medicating with the procedure I just showed you."

"No objections to that, provided there's breakfast in bed," he laughed airily, helping me to my feet. I kissed his neck and nodded.  
"If you promise to stay in bed all day, then I'll bring you breakfast," I told him, willing to make the deal. He paused for a moment, then nodded, turning off the water and reaching for the towels. I had always hated how cold the room was after a hot shower. We really needed a bath, where we could stay in all day, relaxing in the hot water.

"What are you thinking about, Light?" he asked, leading me into the bedroom and pulling some clothes out of the wardrobe.  
"Thinking that our bathroom needs a bath. It's got a shower, not a bath, so shouldn't it be called a 'shower room'?"

"Well, technically, the word 'bath' is derived from-"

"It was a rhetorical question," I interrupted quickly, pulling on some jeans, smiling as I noticed he wore his usual white shirt and a pair of black tracksuit pants instead of his usual jeans. What gave L this magical quality, that allowed him to look perfect in whatever he wore? It took me so much effort to achieve what could do with no effort at all.

L climbed into bed and let me kiss his forehead, tucking the blankets up around his chin, promising to return with tea and some short cake, but when I returned, I found him fast asleep. I smiled fondly, but slowly noticed how prominent the bags under his eyes had become and how utterly exhausted he looked. I frowned. Was L okay? Was he eating okay? Was he sleeping enough? What could he be sick with?

I had planned to see Enah today, seeing as I had missed out yesterday, but there was no way I'd leave L at home in this condition. Or was this part of some plan to keep me busy, to keep an eye on me, to study me for signs of being Kira?  
As soon as the suspicions entered my head, I berated myself for being so ludicrous. L was sick, and that was all. I didn't need to be so over dramatic and suspect him of everything. I had to lose these nagging doubts within me, the ones that followed me around, the ones that called me Kira.

I debated about waking him for his breakfast, then decided to just leave the tray on the bedside table and went back to the kitchen to have my own breakfast. Matt was there, buttering toast, with Mello shooting him glares every few seconds as he ate his chocolate flavoured cereal.

"Light, I need some advice," Matt asked, ignoring Mello. "I've got a date with someone from work, but I don't know where to take her out."  
"What kind of stuff does she like?" I asked, seeing Mello starting to scowl.

"Games and computers and stuff."

"What about an arcade?" I suggested, pouring myself a coffee.

"No, that's where we hang out for lunch. I want to take her somewhere different, somewhere nice."

"So, Jeevas, if you're supposed to be pining after me, why are you going out on a date?" Mello asked, making my ears redden. _I did not tell Mello that Matt still loved him..._Matt was never going to forgive me. It had just come out at the time, I didn't know that Mello would bring it up...

"Well, she's prettier than you," Matt told him, a hard edge to his voice.

"Huh, I bet I could get a prettier date than you, you dumb, ugly, red-haired loser."

"I bet she's way prettier than any girl you could ever pick out, you blonde, insecure, tight-arsed, effeminate arsehole."

"You couldn't get a girl even if you tried, so how'd you get this one? Are you paying her? Trying to get me jealous or something, Matt? Because it won't work. I may like guys, but you're one guy I'd _never _sleep with!"

"You couldn't tell the difference between a guy and a girl even if you tried, you dumbass!"

I was sure Matt had never really stood up to Mello like this, and I could see that the argument was surprising him, but exciting him. Matt was finally proving himself to him. Proving himself to Mello...by pushing Mello away. And Mello could not stand being told he couldn't have something, so he'd do anything until he got it. And I was sure that once Mello caught Matt, he'd find himself unable to ever let him go.

"Wanna make a bet?" Mello challenged, getting to his feet and pointing dramatically at Matt. "I bet I can get a girl to go on a date with me tonight, and I bet she'll be prettier than your date!"

"Bring it on," Matt replied, shaking his hand. After that, he took his toast and stomped outside, pulling out his cigarettes, while Mello stomped upstairs to change out of his nightie.

***

"I haven't seen L at all today," Matsuda commented, helping himself to the fridge. "Is he awake yet?"

"We both slept all yesterday, so I'm surprised he's still able to sleep today," I told him, making strawberry shortcake, L's favourite. "He was sick earlier, so I suppose it's a good thing he's still sleeping."

"He's been looking a bit thin lately," Matsuda noted, nodding in thought. He frowned. "And I've been trying so hard ever since I first moved here to try and plump him up with my grandmother's favourite recipes. And he eats so much sugar..."

"I _knew _I was putting on weight!" I exclaimed, becoming aware of how tight my clothes had become. "Your food is making me fat!"

"But you're so skinny, Light," Matsuda protested, obviously unaware of how slim he was himself.

I was debating whether I would strangle him, when Ryuk floated into the room, looking as if Christmas had come early. "Quick, Light! Look what Nishi did!"

"Huh?" Before the shinigami could reply, the little tattle-tale was floating up through the ceiling. I frowned and quickly jogged to the stairs, taking them two at a time. Was Nishi okay? He hadn't set his room on fire, had he? Or left the taps running in the upstairs bathroom?

Ryuk was waiting outside of Nishi's bedroom door and was gesturing gleefully to the door. Heart pounding, filled with worry, I pushed open the door to find Nishi pulling up his jeans.  
"Hey!" he protested, yanking his jeans up as quickly as he could. Was this what Ryuk wanted me to see? Nishi dressing? I flushed, but then spotted someone stretching, enveloped in the covers of Nishi's bed.  
"Chikayo?"

"Oh...hey, Light," he reddened, sitting up, pulling the blankets carefully over himself. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Chikayo had snuck in last night and they had been...well, it was all rather self-explanatory.

"What did you want?" Nishi asked, hands on his hips, scowling.

"Just wondering...if you wanted...some cake," I offered lamely. How could I explain to them that a god of death had told me that he was up to something? Yeah, they sure wouldn't think I was crazy.

"No thanks," Nishi declared, throwing on a shirt. "We're heading out. Got stuff to do."

"Right...er...I'll...uh...leave you to it, then," I mumbled. How embarrassing. Seeing proof that my best friend was screwing the guy who was like an annoying little brother.

"Aren't you going to tell Matsuda? Get Nishi in trouble?" Ryuk asked, confused, following me down the stairs. I shook my head. "Light, you're _so _boring. Nothing ever happens anymore," he complained. I almost laughed. If he knew I was Kira, he wouldn't be so bored, but there was no way I would let him in on the secret, seeing how close he was with L.

"Light! Mitsu's here!" Matsuda shouted from the front door. I hurried down the rest of the stairs and found him leading Mitsu into the kitchen.

"Light!" she declared, pointing at me. "Where have you been? I haven't seen you for ages! Why don't you call? Or email? Text?"

"I...I've been busy," I told her, taken aback.  
"Busy? Too busy to give me a five minute call to tell me how you've been since school's been over? Too busy to let me know how your To-oh University application went through? Too busy to hang out?"

"I'm sorry, Mitsu. I've kind of been really preoccupied, but now that you're here, you can tell me all about your date with Arisa. Are you still going out?" Mitsu was distracted by this, a happy smile drifting over her pretty features.

"Yes, everything's going great between us. She's so cute, the way she's so small but yet so fiery and demanding. She's got to be in control of everything, which I suppose is what made her such a great School President."

"Would you like something to drink?" I offered, feeling rude as she sat herself at the counter.

"No thanks. You remind me of her, she's always the perfect host. She's such a control freak, she has to have everything her way and she's so cute that you can't help but give in," Mitsu gushed, resting her chin on her hands. Her lips curved up in a bright smile. "How did you know about her, anyway, Light? Who told you?"

"Actually, Arisa wanted my advice on what to wear on your first date. I never ended up asking you how it went," I explained, feeling sheepish and stupid. How could I have forgotten so easily? Oh yes. Kira.  
I listened to Mitsu recall every small detail about their first date, and then the many dates that followed. I watched the way her eyes lit up and danced, the way she spoke of Arisa with such affection. Mitsu was clearly smitten. I found it amusing, that only a few months ago, Mitsu had been nursing a long, but meaningless crush on me. Mitsu stayed for lunch, and when she left, L had woken up and was reading in bed, looking much better, more relaxed and less tired.

"Good afternoon," I smiled at him, bestowing a kiss upon the top of his head. He smiled.

"I slept a lot longer than I expected, but now I feel full of energy. But hungry, too. Does the offer of breakfast in bed still stand?"  
"Mitsu and I had some cake for lunch, if you'd like a slice or several of that."

"What kind of cake."  
"Your favourite."  
"Mud cake?"  
"I thought short cake was your favourite," I frowned, feeling a pang of disappointment that I had gotten this detail wrong. How could I have gotten it wrong? I was sure he loved short cake.

"I was joking, Light," he laughed, pulling me into a hug. "I love short cake."

"Oh," I smiled giddily, glad that I was right, after all. "That's good, because Mello's eaten all the chocolate in the house." I rolled my eyes. "I swear he'd eat chocolate scented body lotion if that was the closest thing to chocolate left in the world."

"You know, he probably would," L agreed, nuzzling my neck. "Heaven forbid that the world would run out of chocolate."  
"And short cake."  
"Yes, and short cake."

I settled into his arms, content to lay there forever, when I heard a loud cry. "L! L!" Our bedroom door burst open and Matsuda raced in, clutching an envelope. "You have tickets for the theatre! They came in the mail!"

"I get a large number of things like invitations in the mail," L agreed, confused.

"Yes, but this is for Macbeth! Weren't you telling me the other day that Macbeth was your favourite play?"

"I have many favourite plays, but yes, Macbeth is one of my favourites," L smiled warily, as if expecting Matsuda to blow up any second.

"Well, _these_ are tickets for Macbeth," the childish detective declared, waving them around wildly. "I've never been to the theatre, and it's a waste not to use them! Won't you take me to see it? And Light, too? There's twelve tickets, we could take Mello, Nishi, Matt and Chikayo, too. Maybe I could take a date, and it could all be like, a double date, but with eight people or something."

"You really just want to impress someone by taking them to the Onari Playhouse Theatre, don't you?" L suspected, amused.

"Yes. And I really, really, really want to see the play," Matsuda said quickly, beaming with faulty confidence. "Please?"

"Mello and Matt aren't a couple, and besides, they've both got their own dates tonight. Except, I still don't think Matt knows where to take her out yet," I told the two detectives. "Maybe Matt could take her to see this play. And if you're feeling okay, L, why don't you come? We'll have our own little date."

"You don't want to waste these tickets, do you?" Matsuda pleaded, eyes large.

"Macbeth? Isn't that one of Shakespeare's plays? You love Shakespeare. If he were still alive, you'd be his gay lover," I prodded L. "Come on, L, let's take everyone and go see it."

I just wanted to see how Matt and Mello would react going on a double-date with each other like this, where I could watch and be entertained by their jealousy. And knowing Nishi and Chikayo, they would get bored in the first scene of the play and begin making out, so I would end up distracting myself by watching Matsuda clumsily work his magic on his date. I could picture him using the traditional move where he would pretend to yawn, stretch, and place his arm around her chair...but what kind of girl would interest Matsuda? Or what kind of girl would agree to go out with Matsuda?

Who needed a Shakespearian drama when I had one right here at home?

"I haven't been to the theatre in a long time," L mused, scratching the slight stubble on his chin. "I suppose it would be a waste not to use the tickets, if everyone wants to go."

Matsuda cheered and ran out, babbling something about ironing his suit and not having a clean tie. I laughed, and felt my heart warm as I saw the smile on L's face. I kissed his lips gently, then the tip of his nose before kissing his eyelids as softly as I could, trying to imitate a butterfly. He made a happy sound in the back of his throat and entwined his fingers in mine. I couldn't even remember why we were smiling at all, I was just happy because L was.

"Hey, L! Light! Why is Matsuda running around like his hair is on fire?" Ryuk asked, leaning in the doorway, munching on an apple.

"L's taking us to see a play, and Matsuda's taking a date," I explained, running my fingertips lightly across L's chest. "I wonder what kind of a girl she is."  
"How do you know Matsuda's date is a girl?" Ryuk asked, snorting.

"He said she was," I replied. I grinned. "I bet she's really manly."

"I bet she has a beard," Ryuk cackled.

"And big feet," I added, laughing.

"And crooked teeth," the shinigami burst.

"I wouldn't count my chickens before they've hatched," L smiled, a glint in his dark eyes. I looked at him closely, suspicious.

"You know who he's dating!" I declared. L nodded, folding his arms, indicating he wouldn't say anything.

"Who is she?"

"What does she look like?"

"Is she really nice?"

"I'm not saying anything," L told Ryuk and I, a pleased smile on his lips. "You'll just have to wait and see." Ryuk and I began to protest, but L said nothing more, answering only with a smile.

***

Okay, my beautiful readers, I'll stop it right here, because the next update will be a major turning point. ^^ I've been writing my butt off, trying to cram in study here and there (yep, fanfiction comes before study *guilty laugh* ) You won't believe how many times I've just wanted to post up all that I've written just to get the awesome reviews you all give me, but I've persisted, and I didn't give in to myself ^w^ I can see the end in sight! But don't worry, it's very far away, but at least for those awesome people reading my other fic, Death Note Chain, it's good news, because it means I'll be able to start writing it again.

But now, it's time for my favourite segment, DUN...DUN...DUN!!! AUTHOR QUESTIONS!!! XD

1. Who is Matsuda's date? ^^

2. What is the significance of Macbeth? Don't cheat and use wikepedia if you can help it!! Either way, you'll all find out in the next chapter!! XD

3. Nishi and Chikayo...I like the refreshing change of writing from Nishi's point of view, because Light is so cynical and Nishi helps me clear things up and show things that Light can't. Hope no one minds, because he helps me through my writers block. *kicks stupid block* ^^

4. What secret does L have that could change Light's mind about everything? You've been given a few clues, so let's see who reads between the lines!! ^^

5. Anything else you'd like to mention? Favourite moments from this update? Suggestions? You know the drill! ^^

So, before I say "Catch ya later", I'd like to once again thank LightLoveLLawliet for his beautiful, incredible, awesome, mind-blowing fan art of Nishi and Chikayo ^^ I've got links to all the fan art I've got from Death Note Dreaming on my profile page, so if you get the chance on Deviantart to comment or fave, it'd be appreciated!!

Oh yeah, and here's a question that I've been curious about for all the guys reading this (there's more than a couple, and I know that one is straight ^^ ); Do you find that everything is correct, from a guy's point of view? Regarding lemons and stuff in general? For not just my own fic, but have you ever read other fics done by rabid fangirls and thought "Wow, she doesn't know anything about guys at all!" ?? I've found that myself, and I'm a girl ^^


	12. Chapter 12

It was early evening when Matt and Mello brought home their dates.

I walked into the lounge room to see Matt playing a game with his date on the Xbox. She looked to be in her late teens, or perhaps early twenties, with shoulder-length black hair and wore boyish clothes. I watched them for a while, seeing how their eyes never left the screen of the television as their fingers flew across the controllers.  
"Hi, I'm Light," I smiled, not sure if she'd hear me, judging by the concentration on her face.  
"Nova Kururugi," she replied, eyes flickering to me for a second.

"Matt!" Mello shouted, stomping into the room, a short teenage girl following amusedly behind him. "There you are! Come meet Maura, my _girlfriend_!"

Matt glanced up and then turned back to his game, wiping the smug look off of Mello's face. "Hey! You didn't even say hello or introduce yourself!" Mello protested, pink splotches forming on his cheeks from his annoyance.

Matt rolled his eyes and paused the game, before getting to his feet and shaking Maura's hand. "I'm Matt. Nice to meet you."  
"I've heard a lot about you, Matt. I'm Maura Pollard," she smiled.

Maura had dark brown hair that was chin-length, but cut shorter at the back, and wore a band t-shirt with jeans and a furry white jacket similar to one Mello had. She spotted me and held out her hand. "I don't believe we've met."

"I'm Light Yagami," I replied, smiling. I felt L's arm snake around me. "And this is my husband, Ryuzaki."

"It's great to meet you both," she said politely. Mello put his arm around her waist pointedly, giving Matt a mocking smile.  
"Matsuda called and said we were all going out tonight," he said, checking his watch. "Where is he?"

"Trying to convince Nishi not to go to the theatre in fishnet stockings, I think," L told him, eyes trailing to Nova.

"Um, L?" I asked, looking up at him. He smiled down at me, aware of my wheedling tone. "How many tickets do you have to the theatre?"

"I believe Matsuda counted twelve, why?"

"Well, I thought he said twelve, but I wasn't sure. So, there's two spare tickets, right? Can Mitsu and Arisa come? Mitsu texted me a little while ago asking where she should take Arisa out on their next date, and I thought..."  
"It sounds like an excellent idea," L smiled. "It would be a shame to waste them."

_Oh yeah. And who was going to throw them away? _I wanted to ask. I chuckled and kissed his cheek, whipping out my phone to let Mitsu know the arrangements. As I waited for her to pick up the phone, I wondered how Matsuda had known there had been twelve tickets, or that L had even received the tickets at all. Was Matsuda going through L's mail? Before I could come up with a sensible answer, Mitsu answered the phone.

I felt proud of myself for inviting them to something special like this, for helping them have a romantic date. That's what friends did, right?

"So, everything's all set," I informed L, watching Matsuda drag Nishi down the stairs by the collar. I almost laughed to see Nishi dressed formally in a normal suit, with a red tie, but it appeared Matsuda couldn't force his nephew out of his green converse or his piercings.

"I organised a limo to pick us all up, if nobody had any better ideas," Matsuda called out, his eyes resting on L. "Aren't you going to wear something nice?"  
"He looks nice in anything," I grinned, wrapping an arm around L from behind, my other hand squeezing one his delightful lower cheeks. L laughed and placed his hand over mine, holding it in place against his jeans.

"The Onari Playhouse Theatre is a prestigious high-class theatre! Not just anyone can get tickets to see the plays there!" Matsuda complained. "If you come dressed like that, there's no way they'd let you in the front doors."

"Calm down, Matsuda, I wasn't intending on going to go dressed the way I am," I smiled, escorting L to our bedroom. "What should I wear?" I asked, producing the five different suits I owned. I stroked the sleeve of the suit I had worn at our wedding. It was a shame to have only worn it once.

"I think you should wear nothing at all, and stay here with me, with the house all to ourselves. I've always harboured a fantasy where you and I are in the kitchen and there's a whole store of different confectionaries I can spread upon your skin..."

"Be serious," I snorted, taking out my wedding suit. "Will this be too much?"

"I'm not sure I should let you go. I don't want everyone hitting on you," L smiled, embracing me and giving me a deep, hungry kiss. I felt his arousal against my thigh and pulled out of his arms.  
"Calm down, Lawliet," I teased. "I don't want us to be late."  
"The play isn't for two and a half hours, there's plenty of time..." he breathed, trying to pull me back. I dodged his arms and darted to the bathroom as lithely as I could, grinning.  
"Then I have plenty of time for a shower then."

L let out a groan and fell, spread eagled onto the bed. I could only laugh.

***

"You _are not _wearing that!" Matsuda near shrieked when L and I emerged, L wearing his usual jeans and shirt. "You look like a homeless person standing next to Light, dressed like that!"

I looked down at my suit, with the red shirt and black tie, not wearing the white silk vest that I had worn at my wedding. I looked at L who wore his impeccably white shirt and baggy, comfortable jeans with worn in sneakers. I saw Nishi standing uncomfortably in his untarnished suit, with Chikayo beside him, wearing his own suit from my wedding. He had kept it here, I remembered, because he was afraid Lani would get to it with a pair of scissors as she had done to most of his clothes over the years. I laughed internally, remembering how she had once cut two circles out on the back of Chikayo's school pants, so he was unaware he was walking around school with everyone seeing his two butt cheeks, clad only in his boxers.

"Matt, Mello and their partners are not dressed so formally," L pointed out, leading the way outside to where the black shiny limousine waited. "I would hate for them to feel left out."

"Now I feel overdressed," I grumbled, my cheeks turning pink.

"I think you look perfectly presentable," L smiled, kissing my hand. We slipped into the limo, sitting along the sides of the long vehicle, amused as everyone, including Ryuk, squeezed in. Matsuda was nervously fidgeting with his black bow tie as we drove off, to pick up his date.

I snuggled up against L, tracing his jaw with my fingertips, and then his lips, before letting my lips traverse where my fingers had. His lips moved against mine, drawing them closer, wetting them with his hot, slick tongue. I moaned quietly against him.

"Mmn...Light, you don't know how provocative you look, dressed so finely," L murmured, his fingers curling in my hair, his teeth nipping gently at the lobe of my ear. He distracted me to the point with his kisses that I almost didn't notice the limo stop to pick up Arisa and Mitsu, and then to the stop where we would pick up Matsuda's secret date.

"Hi, everyone," a shy voice smiled. I turned around to see Kairi sitting beside Matsuda as the limo began to drive off. She was dressed in a beautiful blue cocktail dress, her hair pinned up and her lips painted a delicate red. I stared. _Kairi was Matsuda's date? _

"Kairi? You're going out with Matsuda?" Mitsu squealed, just as amazed as I was.

"Um...yes," Mitsu's best friend blushed. "I didn't know you were coming Mitsu."  
"Why didn't you tell me you were going on a date tonight?"

"Well...he only asked me out this morning..."  
I saw how shy Matsuda and Kairi were with each other, both getting used to the idea of being more than friends. I wondered how odd it must be for her to see her ex-boyfriend, Chikayo, here in the limo, in the arms of Nishi, the nephew of the man she was dating.

"This is so great," Mitsu beamed. "I have my two best friends going on a double-date with me."

"Poor Light, he isn't included," Chikayo teased me. "Seems Mitsu only cares for Kairi and I."  
"Shut up, loser," Mitsu snorted at her cousin. "I meant Light and Kairi, not you."

"I find it so amusing to find that you started off the school year with all of you three being straight, and ending up with all of you being gay," L remarked, amused. Chikayo, Mitsu and I shook our heads, equally astounded.  
"Well, I'm not gay, I'm bisexual, there's a difference. I spent years chasing after Light," Mitsu giggled. "Sorry, Light, but Arisa is for me. Even if you were straight, it would never have worked between us."

"And for that, I'm glad," L grinned, kissing my neck.

"Though, I wasn't the only one chasing Light," Mitsu commented, her eyes flicking to Chikayo. I saw Nishi's arms tighten around Chikayo, almost daring anyone to take him away.

Chikayo only smiled kindly at me. "If it weren't for Light, I wouldn't have met Nishi. If Light hadn't...met L, I'd still be trapped in the closet, hiding from myself."

I looked into Chikayo's eyes, feeling a flush of warmth and a little sadness in remembering what we could have had if L had never entered my life. Perhaps we could have ended up together. We were the same age, we liked the same things, we were best friends. But there were ways in which I could never connect with Chikayo like I did with L, which suggested that perhaps I would never have been happy with Chikayo, never fully satisfied with who I was.

I saw Nishi frown slightly and rest his head on Chikayo's shoulder, and saw their fingers entwine. No, he wasn't my Chikayo. Not anymore. He was Nishi's, and I could see, even if they couldn't, that they would always be together. Sure, in ways our lives are too short, but in ways they can be too long. I would never have believed I could have fallen in love and married while I was finishing school. Before L, I could never have imagined myself ever settling down, living the life I was now. Kira...Love...Marriage...It seemed too far fetched, yet experiencing such a thing...felt so natural and normal. I felt like I belonged with L and couldn't picture myself being any other way anymore. He was my world, and I couldn't remember so clearly what the world was like without him. I knew that it was the same for Nishi and Chikayo, even if they would never admit it. They were completely different, yet exactly the same. Made for each other.  
"Light?"

I looked up into L's imploring face, and smiled. My life...was so perfect. Here I was, with my friends, with my one and only love, with my family. Nishi, Matsuda, Ryuk...This moment was perfect. Made me whole. I was everything in this moment.

Except...Kira. I was not happy letting the world rot without Kira, and with Kira, my world was rotting slowly away. It was eating at my relationship with L, would destroy my family. It was a question of my selfishness. Could I sacrifice my life for the world? I thought I could, after all, to write in the Death Note meant that you could go to neither heaven nor hell and I had willingly given up my soul to become Kira. To have the power of the Death Note. But now...? Could I make that same choice again? Was I so cruel now, that I had torn away Enah's soul? She had no idea that writing on those pages was going to ensure she would never enter heaven. She would wander for eternity, just as I would...as L promised he would. L had promised me he would use the Death Note and join me in the next life...but when the perfect opportunity had come, when I had been attacked, he had not used the Death Note. Saying things...and doing them...there was a difference. Reality was much more different from theory, and it was a difference that could reveal the true nature of people. It had not occurred to me before...but he still hadn't written in the Death Note. If he died, he would not be able to be with me after death. And if he hadn't written it when he had the chance...did he still want to join me after death? Had he changed his mind?

And when the moment had passed, when I had just thought everything was perfect...it was revealed to be what it truly was. My world ending. Showing me that perhaps...L didn't love me as much as he said he did. That he was only with me...because he wanted to stop me from being Kira.

"Light?"  
I stared into L's eyes, unable to breathe. My first reaction was to push away from him, but I stopped myself. I could not let anyone see how my world was ending. I could not show L how vulnerable I had become in a mere moment.

"Light, are you okay?" L asked me, worried. I forced myself to nod, forced myself to breathe normally, even though my heart threatened to leap out of my throat and my eyes were ready to spill with heavy tears.

"Fine...Just thinking about how much I love you," I croaked, burying my face into his chest. Even if he didn't love me, that didn't change how much I loved him. How could it? L was all that I was and all that I had.

"And I love you," he breathed huskily in my ear, his fingers moving to touch the golden wedding ring on my own finger. "I love you so much, Light."

I felt a pang in my chest. Did he really mean that? Perhaps he thought so, but really, deep down, unconsciously, he didn't. After all, his sense of right and wrong stopped him from wanting to be with me for eternity. The afterlife was promising nothing but loneliness, but I only recognised that threat after realising what it would be like without L.

L was like air to me. I relied upon him to exist. I was a victim of cupidity, wanting both L and Kira...I needed L...Did I need Kira? I had proved I could not live without Kira in my life, I had given in to myself and put the wheel back into motion. Kira was a good thing. The world needed to be cleansed. It was rotting, was full of liars and cheats, murderers and thieves. The world didn't need monsters like them.  
My hands clenched tightly, my resolve becoming strong. I was doing the right thing. I couldn't doubt myself as Kira, or I'd become weak. I couldn't let the world down, even if it meant I was letting L down. The world obviously meant more to L than I did, otherwise he'd let me be Kira. I was only doing as he did, and putting the world before my own desires. My life wasn't fair.

"Were you having an epiphany?" L questioned, stroking my cheek. "You had the strangest look in your eye, as if you were a thousand miles away."  
"I was just thinking about Christmas and worrying about how many presents I'd have to buy. I need a job to pay for them all, plus I still haven't even thought about my university fees."  
"My money is yours," L reminded me, kissing the tip of my nose. I felt relieved at my quick lie and how easily L had accepted it. "It's already been agreed with your parents. I'll pay for university, and you don't have to pay me back at all." He grinned and nuzzled my neck. "But if you insist, I have a few ideas on how you can pay me back..." He playfully nipped my ear, sucking gently on the lobe, breathing in my ear heavily.

"We're almost there," Matsuda announced, leaning over to see out of the tinted windows. "This is going to be so amazing."  
"It was generous and kind of you to invite us, Mr Matsuda," Arisa spoke up, hugging Panda-chan to her chest. I wondered if her bear was like a security blanket of some kind. She had nothing to fear.

"Mr Ryuuga, this way to your seats," a smiling man urged us as we entered the front doors of the theatre. L tangled his fingers in mine, encouraging me to follow as the man led us to a special viewing balcony.

"Who is that?" I heard people whisper.

"That's Hideki Ryuuga, he's one of the men who sponsored the building of the theatre," I heard people reply.

"He invests in real estate."

"I've never seen him before. He's so strange looking."  
"He used to come here a few years ago."

"Mr Ryuuga is gay?"  
"Who is that young man on Hideki Ryuuga's arm?"  
"He's quite young..."

"I'm bored already," Mello complained as we sat down, waiting for the play to start. "Sorry, Maura. I thought our date would end up being better than this."  
"That's okay," she replied, as Mello wrapped his arm pointedly around her shoulders, eyes looking at Matt. Matt didn't seem to notice, as he and Nova began to battle each other on their gaming consoles, but he did notice, however, when Mello shared his chocolate bar with Maura. I knew how much this disturbed Matt. _Mello never shared his chocolate with anyone._

Matt's hands pounded the buttons harder, and he scooted in closer to Nova, touching her as much as possible under the pretext of trying to see her screen.

Nishi and Chikayo were getting a little hot and heavy in the back row of the chairs that we had in the balcony, and Matsuda was turning red, embarrassed as he tried to pay attention to Kairi and resisted the urge to tell his nephew to behave. Ryuk wasn't making things any easier as he blew in Matsuda's ear and pulled on his hair. I wouldn't be surprised if Kairi began to suspect that Matsuda was just a little crazy. Poor guy.

Of course, thinking about Matsuda reminded me of thoughts I had earlier. "L, did Matsuda go through your mail?" I asked, keeping my voice low. L turned his eyes to me.

"No, why?"

"He would have, I mean, he had the tickets for this play, didn't he? They came in an envelope addressed to you? Matsuda may be the biggest snoop in the world, but he'd never read your mail."

"Oh. I left it open, planning to look at it later. I guess he just found them and wanted to go."

For some reason, I found this information lacking. Something nagged at the back of my mind, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"It's been a while since you've been to the theatre."

"Yes. It's been a few years," he agreed.

"And they still save you seats? That's nice of them."

"They just want me for my money, just like you want me for my body," L grinned, nipping at my bottom lip. I opened my mouth to reply when the lights began to dim.  
"Shhh!" Matsuda urged us loudly. "It's starting!"  
"Well done, Captain Obvious," Mello retorted sarcastically. I heard Ryuk's familiar cackle.

L leaned forward on his chair, entranced by the stage, his hand still holding my own as I sat back, making myself comfortable.

I found the play quite enjoyable, until something began to pester me. I couldn't figure it out. There was just something about this play...about how Matsuda had gotten his hands on the tickets...about how L hadn't been to Japan before the Kira case for a few years...about how they still sent him tickets...about how they had his new address...about how this play was about a man who had betrayed his beloved king, out of ambition.

As the play progressed, L leaned further and further out of his chair, engrossed in it. The longer the play went on, the more my stomach churned. L's head snapped around, his eyes large and reflective, a glint in them I had never encountered before, his thumb perched on his bottom lip the way it did when he was trying to figure something out.  
"This is my favourite part," he told me, turning back to the play. His eyes seemed so distant, yet so aware...almost as if it were only us two. He said the words along with Lady Macbeth. "_'Look like the flower, but be the serpent under't'_."

There was a change of light, bathing me in the reflection of red. I looked up at L, seeing his face awash in blue. I stared. He knew. He knew I was Kira again. He saw through every lie I had told and every lie to come. He would not be fooled. He knew that Kira was alive again, and I was the head of it. Nothing could convince him now. I was Kira. He knew. This was the end of everything. He knew that I was just like Macbeth, plotting to overthrow him. To become King, to become God. He knew that I was no more than the devilish serpent lying in wait, ready to strike, hidden by the flower, hidden by lies and deception, by innocence and playing on his love for me. He knew. And L was not fooled.  
I felt sick. I got to my feet, to hear Matsuda complain. "I have to go to the toilet," I mumbled, letting go of L's hand and racing off as quickly as I could. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see L's eyes following me, blank and hollow. He knew. I ran out of the theatre, unsure what to do. Wasn't there anyone to tell me what to do now? What did God do? Who was there to reassure him when things went wrong? When things didn't go his way?

Should I call Enah and call off this whole arrangement? No. Misa would use Rem to force me not to interfere. Misa wanted Kira around. And Enah had her own agenda. She wanted Kira, too. She wouldn't stop just because I was scared. Because of my relationship with L was ruined. Why had I done this? Why had I taken Kira up again? Why did everything feel so right when Kira was around, when everything was going so wrong? Why did I have to be torn like this? My life was split in two. I could not have both, I could have one or the other. If I chose Kira, what would L do?  
I could still turn back, couldn't I? It was never too late, right?  
No. It was too late. I had given Enah a bite from the forbidden fruit, and she would not be satisfied if I took it away. And Misa would do anything to keep Kira alive, so Rem would have no qualms in threatening L. I had forced L to give in. He couldn't do anything. I had broken L's heart. He could not stop Kira, because Rem would make sure he'd lose dearly if he tried to interfere. I was forcing L to his knees, forcing him to accept something he didn't believe in...but wasn't that what he had been doing to me since we had first met? Threatened to leave me if I continued to be Kira? Forced me to my knees, forced me to accept his beliefs about justice? This was payback. Kira was justice. I couldn't be weak and give in like this. Kira was right. L was wrong. Everything was working in Kira's favour, meaning that Kira was right. L was powerless, he couldn't do anything. He could do anything to me, but I couldn't give away Enah or Misa, or Rem would destroy me or L. And L couldn't do anything to Misa or Rem for the same reason. I knew, that even though L had wronged me, had wronged Kira, I could not live without him. He was all that I was and more, I relied upon him to live.

Why had L sprung this on me in such a way? Why did he have to be so sly? Why couldn't he just ask me straight to my face? Tell me that he knew? Instead, he had to tell me like this, through a stupid play that reflected what was happening between us. Me, going behind his back. Plotting against him, as if I were the evil one.

I felt my phone vibrate silently in my pocket. In the theatre, phones were supposed to be turned off, but I had compromised by putting on silent. I didn't like being out of reach of people. I was always one of those 'just in case' kind of people. I pulled it out, reading the information on the screen. L was calling me?  
"Lawliet," I breathed into the phone, unable to talk any louder, a lump in my throat.

"Where are you? I'm in the bathroom, but you're not in here."  
"I thought...I'd go outside for some air. I'm not feeling well."

"I see. I'll take you home then." Why did he speak like that? As if he were devoid of any emotion?

"No, I don't want you to miss out. You're enjoying yourself," I told him, moving to lean against a wall, taking deep breaths to stop myself from vomiting. My stomach clenched tighter. "I'll be fine soon."

"I'm tired. You should be in bed if you're sick. I'll meet you at the front doors and I'll take you home." Before I could answer, he had hung up on me. I swallowed a few times, before I walked over to meet L. He looked up at the sky, as if searching the stars for some kind of answer. He wouldn't find one. I tried to give him a small smile, but he didn't return it. He looked very tired.

My poor Lawliet. I slipped my hand into his, giving it a slight squeeze, but he didn't respond.  
"Watari will be arriving in a minute," he finally murmured. I felt a flash of fear, and my heart skipped a beat. Watari? Did that mean he was going to get rid of me? Hand me over to the police? No...Watari normally drove L around everywhere...surely this time wasn't any different.

Watari arrived in his usual sleek black car, face impassive as L and I sat in the leather seats in the back. Usually I liked to admire how comfortable the car was, but now, all I could think about was the future. What was going to happen? I had never felt so sick or guilty before.

When Watari pulled over, I became aware of something. "Where are we?" I asked, staring wide-eyed out of the tinted windows.

"I wasn't honest with you, Light. I did say I would take you home, but I had planned to take you here tonight instead," L answered, helping me out of the car. I looked out to see a familiar fancy hotel. Had I been here before? "This was the first hotel we stayed at together...when you promised to stop being Kira...and Ryuk killed those people and made me think you had gone back on your promise..."

On different terms, this would have been romantic. But now...it was just full of emptiness. This place was from the beginning. Would it be the end? This didn't seem fair. I clutched tightly onto L's arm, wishing with all my heart that I wasn't Kira. That I hadn't given Enah those pages. I felt so sick and guilty that there was still a part of me that didn't regret that choice, that gloated because I had out-manoeuvred L. He couldn't do anything to stop Kira.

L led me into the familiar elevator with the glass wall, but this time, I couldn't find it in myself to admire the sparkling lights of the night city. L led me up to the same room. Memories...shadows of the past...  
It seemed Watari or one of the hotel workers had set up the living room for us, lighting little tea light candles everywhere, casting a warm, golden glow over everything, but still leaving the room mostly dark, letting the lights of the city illuminate everything. How perfect this could have been.

"I was hoping we could try out the honey," L explained, gesturing to the large cushions on the floor that provided a small, but rather comfortable looking bed. "I guess I didn't count on you being sick."

I moved to remove my jacket and undid my tie, casting it aside. I fell upon the cushions, closing my eyes tightly. "You were expecting this."

"Expecting what?" he asked, removing his shirt and moving to sit at my feet. He looked so broken and dejected...this was not the Lawliet I knew. Had I hurt him beyond repair? My heart throbbed with pain. No, surely I loved him more than he loved me. This was hurting me far more than it hurt him.

"I'm Kira."

L looked up at me slowly. "I know. I've known for a while. And I know Enah is working with pages from Rem's notebook." He chuckled humourlessly, and the sound didn't suit him. "Misa is careless, and Ryuk told me that very rarely do shinigami ever interfere with the human realm. So the chances of another Death Note being picked up by someone who believed in what Kira is doing was very slim. Nishi once told me about Enah's little journal in which she used to write the names of people she wished would die. It wasn't difficult to profile her and she is the type of person you'd give the responsibility of Kira to. A good choice, but very obvious. Choosing someone you knew was your second mistake."  
"What was my first?" I asked, unable to talk in more than a whisper. L's face hardened and he pushed himself over me, grabbing my wrists and pinning them above my head.

"Your first mistake was to go behind my back," L growled, burying his face into my neck. "If it was becoming so unbearable for you, why didn't you tell me? I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other, Light. That's why we married each other."

I felt a hot dampness on my skin, which began to soak my hair, but I could feel his lips closed against my neck. Was L...crying? The very idea of it made my own eyes fill with shame. I hooked my leg over him, pulling him close, and released one hand to stroke his hair. I knew he hated this, that I was comforting him when he wanted nothing more than to throw me away for hurting him.

"There's nothing I can do," he whispered. "I just have to sit there and let these people die for you, Light. If I try to stop them, Rem will kill you. Misa doesn't care about you so much any more, she'd let Rem do it if it meant preventing me from framing them. They could force me to do everything in my power to protect them, to support them."

"Maybe it was fate," I offered weakly. "Maybe it was just meant to happen."

He sat up and pushed himself away, walking to the bedroom. He paused at the door, leaning on it for support. "You can sleep there, if you want. If you still feel sick, you can call Watari and he'll take you home."

"Lawliet...I want you," I murmured, watching him retreat into the dark room.

"You can't have me," he replied softly, so quiet I almost didn't hear him. "How can you want me if you still want Kira?"

I rolled onto my side, curling into a ball. I wanted to cry until I collapsed, but I couldn't bring myself to shed a single tear. Instead, I lay there, staring a the candles slowly die around me, comatose, unable to think. Being unable to think muted the ability to feel, so it was a small relief that I couldn't feel myself falling apart. I don't think I slept. I knew I had been lying there for hours, as the sky was lightening slightly, as if preparing for dawn. I didn't want dawn to come. It would mean a new beginning...but there had to be an end before a beginning. What was going to become of us? Of our marriage? My fingers worried at the little golden band around my finger, as if it were some kind of life raft and I was adrift in a dark sea. Even if...L didn't want me anymore (my eyes watered at the very thought), I would still wear this ring. I would wear it everyday. Not just as a reminder of what I had lost, but as my one last tie with Lawliet. I pulled off my ring and looked inside at the beautiful, intricate carving of the letters of L's name. L Lawliet.

Would L ask me for this ring back? He wouldn't trust me with his name anymore, would he? What about the house? Where would we live? It was L's house, I couldn't stay there. I could possibly live with my parents again through university. They still had savings for that, so L wouldn't have to pay a cent. Chikayo was planning to move out into his own apartment, but I'd been telling him he should live with us instead, if Nishi didn't mind sharing a room with him. Seems like I'd never get to see them become more serious, finally start thinking about a future together.

Matsuda...I knew he would take it hard when he found out our happy family was tearing apart, but he had Kairi. She'd support him, and I knew they were just right for each other. Ryuk would stay with Matsuda and L.

"Why did you take your ring off?"

I jumped in surprise, seeing L watching me from the doorway of the bedroom. "I was just looking at it. I was hoping...you'd let me keep it."

"I had no intention of taking it away from you, Light." He slowly walked forward and sat down beside me, wrapping his arms around his legs. "Didn't you get any sleep?"

"No," I answered quietly, wanting to reach out and touch him. He was so close...but so far away. "L...what's going to happen?"

"I don't know."

"You know...I still love you. And I always will." I was so desperate.

"I find that so hard to believe. If you loved me, why would you do this to me?"

"I..." I had had reasons once. Where were they now? "I love you," I repeated, dumbly.

L slowly unfolded himself and hooked his leg over me, settling himself beside me, his hand stroking my cheek. "I can't forgive you for this, Light."

"I don't want you to," I told him, voice cracking. "I can't forgive myself."

L hesitated, before he slowly touched his lips to mine, brushing them as softly as he could. I held my breath, to stop myself from convulsing with unshed tears. Gently, he explored my lips with his tongue, requesting my mouth to open. I drew him in, not hurrying him. I was going to savour anything he would give me, cherish it for all time. His tongue met my own, coaxing it gently to life, and slowly, we kissed, rememorizing each other, trying to commit everything to memory. How could I live without him? I could tell he wasn't letting himself fully into this, not wanting to get caught up in his resolve. He didn't want to give in. He couldn't forgive me and I wouldn't let him. I didn't push him, didn't take advantage of this weakness he had.

"Light," he murmured against my lips, fingers tugging on my hair gently. I moaned against him, covering up my sadness. I ran my hand slowly down his chest, fondling his erect nipples for a moment, before following the path of his body down to the band of his jeans. His hands found my shirt and began to undo the buttons, his lips trying to distract me. I managed to undo his jeans as his fingers released me from the constraints of my shirt, pushing it away from my shoulders so his lips could traverse there. A moan escaped me, and I pulled myself closer, wanting more.

"I love you," he whispered, rolling us until I lay atop him. His lips started electricity, sent flames along my skin, made me feel so alive. "I love you." Why did he keep saying that? Was he trying to convince himself? Trying to make me give into him and submit? Didn't he already know that I would do anything for him? He didn't have to lie and say he loved me. I knew it wasn't true, because I wouldn't love me if I were him.

His lips explored my jaw, my neck, my collarbone, his hands drew patterns on my back and slid down the back of my pants, cupping the two halves of me, pulling me down into him, so our groins touched and rubbed. I groaned at these feelings and moved against him, enjoying the friction against my unfurling member. He felt so good.

L smiled against my lips, rolling us until he was on top of me, nestled perfectly between my legs. He reached over to the low table, making sure to press himself against me in all the right places. I almost laughed as he showed me the bottle of honey he had stashed there. He smiled, looking down at me, softness in his eyes, before he squeezed out a dollop upon my nipple. I gasped as he dipped down, lips parted and suckled at my skin, tongue flicking out and making sure no trace of honey remained. I bucked beneath him, and heard his laugh. I stared, open mouthed at him, the sound dancing in my ears. L was laughing? He smiled and leaned down to kiss me, filling my mouth with the taste of honey. His kisses distracted me, made my mind whirl. Why was L happy? Why was he laughing, smiling? Wasn't this a mournful occasion? But there was one thing I had learnt about L's smiles. They weren't just breathtakingly beautiful, they were contagious, and I found myself smiling against his lips. He had found some happiness, some amusing thought, some comfort, and I was happy for him.

He paid attention to my other, neglected nipple, and drew a heart upon my chest, letting his tongue follow the line of the shape before capturing my lips with his sticky, hot ones. Our lovemaking became less playful and more rough as I delved into him, wanting more of him. He complied, pulling off my pants and removing his own, retrieving the lubricant from his pocket, just like all the first times.

He brought himself up to my lips, kissing me softly before smiling at me, eyes warm. "Marry me again, Light?" I stared at him. Was he crazy? Had he lost his mind? "I love you more than anything, Light. And it doesn't matter if Rem kills either of us, because we'll see each other again in the next world. I made you a promise. I promised you that we'd be together. I'm your husband, I'm supposed to stand by you for eternity, I'm there to stand up for you and protect you and dust you off when you fall down. You'll make me the happiest man on earth if you'll be mine."

The sun began to rise, and the golden beams of sunlight caught his face. I could find no trace of a lie. "I _am_ yours, you idiot," I breathed, kissing him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Don't be stupid."

"So you'll marry me again?"

"I'll marry you a thousand times," I promised, giddy. Why was he forgiving me? Acting like everything was okay? Our world was supposed to be falling apart. Why were the cracks sealing? Healing? I wasn't going to question it any longer.

As the sun rose, he slowly made love to me, reminded me again and again how much I loved him, how much he meant to me. Everything was golden and warm when we were spent and lay beside each other, smiling. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close.

***

I hope you guys like this update ^^ It was fun but took me forever to write. Even in the darkness, we need a beam of light, I guess. Next update, you'll get an explanation as to L's reaction. As to why everything's okay. When I wrote this last scene, I was listening to Angel's And Airwaves, who sing such beautiful love songs. I meant to end this chapter all mangled and bleeding, but the music forced me to be forgiving and full of happiness. Forgive me, everybody?

So, it's time for...DUN DUN DUN!!! Author Questions! (This is the part where you cheer ^^ )

1. How do you think it's going to go with Nova and Maura helping Mello and Matt? Definitely some laughs for the future!

2. Overall opinion about this chapter? Way too dramatic? Way too weird?

3. You eventually got your honey scene. Happy? ^^

4. It's a really short chapter, hope you don't mind.

5. I'm a huge MatsuxSayu supporter, but Sayu is still in school and all, so how do you all feel about Kairi being Mastuda's girlfriend? I strongly debated with myself about making it Enah. Imagine if they fell in love! She, being Nishi's ex-girlfriend, and she being the current Kira and he both living with L and being one of the detectives of the Kira case...DUN DUN DUN! Hahaha ^^ But logic ruled out and Matsu and Enah just wouldn't work.

Okay, that's all I can think of for questions. I know, you're probably thinking, "Oh god, FINALLY!" but that's not the end of my author notes. I'm in a fun mood, so why don't we have ourselves a little competition? I want you all to go out and write your own little scene that would fit into the storyline of Death Note Dreaming. Here are the prompts:

1. Nishi and Chikayo arguing over food or chores. (For this, they can both be living together in the house)

2. Mitsu and Arisa on a drama filled date. (What if Arisa loses her Panda-chan? O.o)

3. Light and L fighting over a game of chess (everyone knows Light hates to lose and L would never admit to cheating ^^ What kind of revenge would Light plan?)

4. Matsuda getting revenge on Ryuk.

5. Matsuda going for a drive in Sparkles without Light knowing.

6. Any couple going on a date to a carnival.

7. Chikayo watches a scary movie. (Who he's with is up to you ^^ )

You don't have to use any of these prompts if you don't wish to.

How I will be judging:

Sorry, but as much as I love them, lemons won't give you extra points.

Spelling mistakes and stuff like that loses you marks.

Your terminology, metaphors and choice of language is taken into consideration.

I know for a lot of you, English isn't your natural language, so don't fret. Most important for me is the story line, how funny the story is and how engaging it is.

Don't make the stories too long. It has to be over 400 words and below 4000. There's your limit ^^

Your story can't be too far-fetched. Try to keep it realistic, so nobody gets kidnapped by Light's mum and BB can't magically appear on a broomstick. ^^

How to submit it:

Well, I admit, I haven't really thought this one through. I'd really like everyone to be able to read each other's entries, but I'm not sure if FF lets people upload stories like these, like ones with just OC's for a competition. I'm pretty sure you can, so just put it up and add in your summary with "Entry for DBC44's DNDreaming competition" in it. Then, you send me a private message with the name of your entry and your summary (a link to your fic would be great) and I'll be on it like flies on crap. ^^ If I'm totally wrong, you could send it to me via that document sender thing. I've never tried it, but I think that's how beta's do it and stuff. Oh, and if you've found me on Deviantart, I'll accept submissions using that, just send me a note or a message or something with a link to your deviant story entry thing and I'll be happy to read it on that site.

Or, if you all prefer, you can just email it to me at:

Hopefully you've got enough options there. You can enter as many times as you like, if you've got tons of ideas for each of the prompts. ^^

The closing date is September 27, because that's my birthday.

Oh jeez, I didn't even think of prizes. Okay, well everyone who enters gets mentioned in an update on that date, with an announcement of the winners.  
There shall be these categories:

1st Place

2nd Place

Funniest Story

Notable Mention

Okay, so first place entitles you to get a fic dedicated to you. You can choose the characters (I'll even let you choose something other than Death Note, provided that I'm familiar with it) and you can choose the theme. So if you want lemons, a hurt/comfort, a romance, a fluff...It's all up to you! I will also be your beta for two fics.

Second place entitles you to a lemon fic between two characters of your choice, and I will beta you for one of your fics.

Funniest Story and Notable Mention don't exactly get any prizes, but they'll still have the honour of winning ^^ Everyone who gets a place in the competition will receive as much praise and delight as I can manage, so you'll see yourself being sung about on my profile page and a mention in my author notes in Death Note Dreaming from practically now on. ^^

If you don't like these prizes and have something else in mind, I'm totally up for that ^^

So, hopefully no one has any questions and you're all up for this! I'd love to get tons of entries!

Next week is QCS week, so wish me luck on all my exams *groans* I'll need it. All you Irish people, may I have a shamrock, please? I wouldn't even object to a pot of gold, either...^^


	13. Chapter 13

I opened my eyes, feeling hot and sticky, but in a good mood, which felt so different, after having been so stressed and anxious for so long. L lay beside me, his leg nestled between my own, bare and beautiful, lips slightly parted as he slept. Why had this happened? Why were we like this? I had expected us to be torn asunder, I expected the end of the world.

I wanted to know, curiosity burned at me, but that would mean waking up L from this precious slumber. Should I? I didn't want to anger him. What if...last night was a mistake? What if he hadn't meant it to go so far? Would he hate me? Had he used me? Would he change his mind? Was everything...as fine as it had seemed? My eyes moistened, my nerves shot with this despair. I hated not knowing. When would it end?

A familiar ring tone broke the silence, startling me and making me jump, causing L to awaken. He blinked in confusion for a moment, before he reached for my discarded jacket and produced my phone. He pushed it into my hands, after checking who it was. "Answer it," he breathed, rubbing his eyes.

I took the phone from him. Enah? I glanced at L, trying to hide my horror. "Hello?" I answered, holding the phone to my ear. I felt so vulnerable and bear to L's scrutiny, and it wasn't because I was naked.  
"Light, something terrible has happened," Enah burst, sounding upset.  
"What is it? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine...but...I'm such an idiot, Light...I hid them so well, I don't know how anyone found them..."

"What is it?" Hid them? Did she mean...?  
"The pages from Misa. They're gone."

Ice slipped down my spine. This had better be L's doing, because if it wasn't, I was going to be in so much trouble.  
"I'm so sorry, Light. I had them hidden, there was no way someone would just happen to come across them. I think...maybe someone was watching me."

"Are you sure you hid them well enough?"

"Positive. I put them in a place where no one could just find them even if they were looking hard for them."

"Okay. Have you spoken to Misa?" I asked, heart pounding furiously in my chest.

"No, she's not answering her phone," Enah told me, voice shaking with fear.  
"I see." I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Enah, don't panic. Everything's going to be okay. I'll call you back." I hung up quickly and stared at L. "L, do you know...?"

"About how shinigami love apples? Or where Enah's pages have gone?" L asked, sounding a little bitter, as he sat up. "I had Watari remove them from her residence two days ago. They have been destroyed. The only people left to deal with is you, Misa and Rem." He got to his feet and walked over to the window, his beautiful form captured by the sun. "Dealing with Rem is going to require some finesse, but handling Misa might prove slightly more difficult. I'm not sure I'd be able to control myself, but it's the only way...and it deals with _you_ as well..."

"W-what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to destroy Rem," he answered, his voice soft. I stared at him, frightened. He was going to kill a Shinigami.  
"B-but that's impossible! L, don't be stupid, you can't kill a Shinigami."  
"It is entirely possible. The rules of the Death Note state that a Shinigami cannot be killed even if they are stabbed or shot," L informed me, placing his hands against the glass. "However, there are ways to kill a Shinigami, even though Shinigami don't know how themselves. Do you know how Ryuk came to have two Death Notes? He borrowed one from another Shinigami, but this was not the case with Rem. Do you know how Rem came to have two Death Notes? There was once a Shinigami named Gelus...he killed himself to protect Misa, and Rem was left with only his remains and his Death Note. Gelus loved Misa..." L turned around and padded back to me, a sly grin in the corner of his lips. I wondered if the glint in his eyes was that of madness, as he knelt beside me and kissed me hungrily. "Did you know that Shinigami are not allowed, and are not capable of having sex? With either humans or other Shinigami? But curious, isn't it? Shinigami can fall in love..."

L brushed the hair out of my eyes before kissing me again, softer this time. "Ryuk is going to kill Rem. With Rem out of the way, Misa is powerless. There will be no Death Notes other than the one Ryuk has in his possession. Ryuk may become hostile towards us, but we'll deal with that situation when it arises. I fear it is really not a question of 'if'."

My mind raced and it took a minute before it sank in. "You're going to make Rem fall in love with Ryuk?"  
L took my hand and pressed his lips to my knuckles, pausing for a moment before answering. "No, _we're _going to make Rem fall in love with Ryuk. Only, of course, if you still wish for us to be together, Light. If you don't, then I'll destroy Kira myself, at the cost of my own life."

"Don't say that," I growled, sitting up and taking his face between my hands. "You aren't going to die, Lawliet. I won't let you. I have done the worst thing in the world, and I didn't see how wrong it was until it was too late, but now you're offering me a second chance, when I don't deserve one. If there's just a single shred of proof that you could forgive me and still love me, then I'd do anything for it. I'll kill Rem with my bare hands if it means we can be together and take back what I did." I closed my eyes for a moment, biting my lip. "I don't know if this will work, making Rem fall in love."

"It shouldn't be too hard for you, you're good at manipulating people," L retorted, a little sharply. I tried to hide the tears that filled my eyes, and hated myself when he softened and kissed my forehead.

"As much as I hate you, Light, my love for you can't ever diminish," L murmured, eyes avoiding my own. "I want so much to push you away, but that's like giving up. Like killing myself. I'm not ready to die, and I don't want to die alone."  
A lump formed in my throat at his words and I kissed his lips gently. "I know," I whispered, not trusting myself to say anything more. I knew exactly how he felt and I felt so terrible that I had caused him that pain. And the only thing I could do to bring any sense of normality back was to kill a Shinigami.

}--'----,------

L and I weren't so intimate afterwards, I knew he was trying to resist me, and I wouldn't let him give in, so I pushed myself away. Each day seemed to drag on, where I could see L was literally _dragging _himself out of bed, as if it were the hardest thing in the world. He was tired all the time, and I could see that the nerves were getting to him, as I found him more than a few times with his head in the toilet vomiting up his meals. Killing a Shinigami wasn't something that should be taken lightly, and our very lives were at stake. I could understand the queasiness, the fear of doing such a thing. I hesitated to help him, wondering if I was pushing his boundaries too far. I didn't want him to regret his decision to try and make this work between us. It was our only chance.

"Thanks for inviting us over for dinner," Misa smiled, giving us a little wink as she strode inside, Rem floating behind her. It hadn't taken much convincing to get the idea into Misa's head, that Rem and Ryuk were pretty lonely, and should become a couple. Misa adored the idea that the two Shinigami should be together, and had been doing her best to soften Rem up to the idea, and it was a little obvious that Ryuk fancied Rem a little, even if she was a little feisty. Misa had no idea that by doing such a thing, she was creating her own downfall, but that was to be expected of someone with the intelligence of a maple leaf.

L had convinced Mello and Matt to take their dates out again, to see who could throw the most romantic date, while I had talked Matsuda into taking Kairi out for dinner and it was convenient that Chikayo's parents were visiting some relatives out of town, leaving him and Nishi at his place. There really was no guessing as to what those two would be getting up to in the empty house. That just left L and I here with Ryuk, and now with Misa and Rem.

"L and I set up a table outside, Matsuda's been gardening and we thought it would be nice to have dinner amongst the flowers," I told the new arrivals. "Rem, Ryuk, why don't you two head outside and talk, while L and I finish cooking? And we could use Misa's help on the dessert."

"That sounds great!" Misa enthused. "Well, you heard him, you two. Off you go." Misa made a shooing gesture to the two Shinigami, ushering them to the backyard. I briefly wondered if perhaps Misa had been laying it on too thickly with Rem, but then she wasn't a complete dunderhead, was she?

"This is such a great idea, you guys," Misa smiled, as we entered the kitchen. "I never even thought that Rem and Ryuk could be lonely, but it seems so obvious now. They're just _perfect_ for each other! They'll make the cutest couple!"

It was hard to be patient with her as she chattered on, but L seemed to show no annoyance, instead smiling and conversing with her. Perhaps I should try more. L and I weren't so intimate anymore, not for a week now, since we were in the hotel. Nobody seemed to question it, and I suspected that perhaps Matsuda was blocking it out, not wanting to acknowledge any signs that his family was falling apart in any way. L and I still slept in the same bed, still spoke, but it seemed so forced now. I knew that he was frustrated with me, because I felt I deserved worse from him. Each day was up and down, sometimes I felt we would make it through this, but the next moment I would be falling, filled with despair, wanting to just be dead already. It was shameful to even live for betraying my partner, my loving, forgiving husband. I didn't deserve him.

After almost half an hour, Misa couldn't resist anymore and went to peek and see what the two Shinigami were up to. I wasn't sure what she was expecting, but the pair were barely talking. "It's not working," Misa despaired.

"Maybe we should bring out the food and encourage them to converse," L suggested, taking a tray of food and passing it to the blonde. Misa quickly became excited at this and near danced outside, not responding to my annoyed call for her to be careful and not spill anything. I peeked out at the two Shinigami, filled with doubt. There was no way Rem could ever be interested in Ryuk.

"L..." He was busy putting bowls onto another tray. "L, are you sure this will work?" I waited for him to answer, but when none came, I became even more frustrated. "Hello? Are you listening?"

"Yes, I _am _listening, but I don't know what you expect me to say, Light," L shot at me, over his shoulder, eyes narrowed. "How can I be sure if this will work? I'm doing my best to pick up all the pieces and put them back together_ and you questioning my every move is not getting us anywhere. _You are being completely counter-productive."

"Counter-productive? I'm doing everything I possibly can to help this along!" I snapped back. "But if this isn't going to work, I'd rather know now, instead of wasting my time."

"If you think it's a waste of your time, then leave!" L burst, turning completely away, hands clenched into tight fists at his sides. "I don't want you to think you're obliged to be here. You can leave whenever you like, that option was always open to you. I don't want you thinking that you're chained to me, it's just a ring, Light. Get rid of it, if you don't want it. I won't be surprised, not anymore. It's not working, I'll get over it."

I felt like I had been slapped in the face. Why wouldn't he look at me? Did he think our marriage meant nothing to me? I could understand how he could think that, but that was not the case. I wanted to scream at him, rip him around to face me, to look at me, but all I could manage was for my chest to heave with tears. This wasn't working. We couldn't make this work. Our love couldn't keep us together, my betrayal was tearing us apart.

I tore out of the kitchen, fighting back the tears that streamed down my face, racing out into the street, trying to escape the house, escape my broken heart. Escape L. I wish I had Sparkles, I wish I could just drive and never stop. Where would I go? The next move. What was my next move?

}--'----,------

"Light?"  
"I'm sorry, Watari," I tried to tell him, cursing the lump in my throat. Luckily it had started raining, so the stream of tears on my face could be disguised as raindrops. "Can I come in?"

"Yes, quickly, you're soaking wet," he urged me, pulling me inside, into the warmth. "I was worried when I received your phone call, but it seems you've made it here fine enough, despite having to walk in the rain. I was going to go out and pick you up in the car in a few minutes."

"I think the walk did me some good," I sniffed. Watari helped me out of my soaking jacket and ushered me to the bathroom in his small home, giving me a towel and instructing me to give him my clothes so he could wash them. He lent me one of his large shirts to wear, and when I emerged from the shower, he wrapped me up in a large blanket anyway, sitting me down on the couch.  
"Tell me, Light, what is going on between you and L?" he asked kindly, looking at me from under his spectacles. I rubbed my face into the blanket, curling my knees up into my chest. He knew that I had been Kira, and he would be all too aware that I was Kira now. In fact, L had confirmed it.  
"L and I...were trying to make it work...but we couldn't. My stupid ambition...my stupid desire to make the world a better place just got in the way. All the martyrs of the world willingly sacrificed themselves for the world...And L wants me to be selfish, to trade my happiness for the good of the world. I couldn't handle it, so I betrayed him...and we were trying to fix it...but it's over, Watari. I messed up terribly. L told me that he doesn't care anymore, I'm just a waste of time."  
"I'm sure he didn't mean it to sound that way," Watari told me, trying to comfort me. I shook my head and began to cry quietly into my hands. I had nothing left, without L. My life was practically over. This was not how I imagined my life would turn out. Everything was ruined. I didn't care about the world anymore. The world could self-destruct and I couldn't give a damn. All I wanted was L. I didn't want to be self-righteous or a martyr. I wanted to be Light Lawliet, L Lawliet's loving husband, supporting him as he worked to make the world a better place.

"Damn it," I hissed, hot tears dripping from my chin. Ryuk had been right. The Death Note would only bring me pain and torment and II had only laughed. Scorned him and his belief. I had thought I could make my own luck. I believed I could turn it all around, but it had backfired. This was more pain and torment than I could possibly have imagined and it was crushing me.

I didn't remember much after that, just a vague collection of Watari offering me something to eat, and bringing me pillows so I could sleep on the couch, where I cried myself to sleep.

In the morning, my head felt heavy and my eyes sore, my throat raw. Watari wasn't in the small living room, perhaps asleep in his own bed. I lay there, on the lumpy couch, staring at the ceiling, pondering my fate. It was over, wasn't it? L didn't care anymore. It was over between us. My eyes filled with tears, and I tried to blink them away, swallowing the lump in my throat and forcing myself to think of something less painful. But nothing worked. L was all that my mind could revolve around. I was fixated on him, and if that was the case, I had to make this work. I had to make him care about me again. If we could fall for each other without warning, without time, then we could do it again. I would make L fall in love with me again. The worry at the pit of my stomach seemed to lessen at this. There was nothing so horrible as endless worry and frustration, not knowing what the next move was. Now that I had a plan, I felt much better.  
I was going to make Rem fall in love with Ryuk, make Mello fall in love with Matt, and then I was going to make L fall in love with me. How hard could those things be? I wasn't called a genius for nothing. Some genius I was, to even get into this mess. If I had been smart, I would have left that Death Note alone from the start. But then...would L and I still have met? I would have pursued a career in detective work, so it was a possibility, yes. If only I didn't have such an obsessive personality. I had thought I could control myself, but it seemed the Death Note was now controlling me. Yes. The Death Note was the source of all my pain. It had to be destroyed. I would fix the world in a different way. That was my new goal. To change the world with my own strength, not with the supernatural curse of a notebook.

"Ah, Light, you're awake," Watari smiled, yawning lightly as he entered the small room. He looked so old...maybe it was just the tartan nightgown and fluffy slippers, but Watari looked so much more weary, instead of the stoic, silent observer that I was accustomed to. "Would you like some breakfast? You're not allergic to eggs or bacon at all, are you?"  
"Bacon and eggs sounds delicious," I tried to say, trying to push past the pain of my sore throat. "Is there any coffee?"  
"I'm a tea person myself, but yes, there is plenty of coffee," Watari smiled, the corners of his heavily lidded eyes crinkling with kindness. "Do you take sugar?"  
"Um, just a teaspoon, thanks. I prefer it kind of bitter," I told him, padding after him, still wrapped in the blanket, into the tiny adjoining kitchen. This small place was only built for one person, I concluded.  
"Living with L hasn't changed your eating habits, has it?" Watari inquired, amused, as he boiled the kettle. I shook my head.

"Not really. Matsuda and I try to encourage him to eat more healthy meals, but he'll still pour sugar all over it. I never really liked sweet things, but L..." I flushed, not wanting anything I said to be taken in the wrong way. Best to just leave it as 'yes' or 'no'.

"L's dietary habits have definitely caused me a lot of concern over the years," Watari admitted, turning away to work the stove, a strange look on his face. "It's best if he pays closer attention to what he's digesting...I was thinking about speaking to you and Matsuda, seeing as you two are his main caregivers."

Caregivers? Matsuda just cooked and cleaned, not because we asked him to, but because he did it willingly and he was good at it. And I was L's husband, so keeping him healthy was part of my duties as his husband. But caregivers...it seemed so childish...but then L wasn't normal...

"I apologise for any trouble L has caused you, Light," Watari said softly, placing a plate of biscuits in front of me to tide me over until breakfast was served. "But I would strongly encourage you to continue on the relationship. Despite what L says, his love for you could not just simply stop, I should know, because I am probably the only one besides yourself who knows him better than he knows himself. The only reason he would deny such a thing, renounce you, is if he thought it was for your own good. He doesn't take into account the impact upon himself. You are the best thing for him."

"I've decided I'm going to make him fall in love with me again," I told him, nibbling one of the treats. "I need him. Being Kira...there are better ways to change the world, so I'm going to destroy all the Death Notes. My one from Ryuk, Misa's and finally Rem's, which is going to be hard to get."

"I'm sure L would appreciate that," Watari smiled, giving me my coffee. I smiled weakly back, and gulped down the scalding liquid.

After scoffing down breakfast, I went back home, praying I wouldn't meet L. I hurriedly snuck upstairs and into Matt's room, where he was still asleep, lying on his stomach, an unlit cigarette in his open mouth. No one could sleep as scruffily as he did. He even drooled. I looked around quickly and found his phone in a pair of his jeans on the floor, pulling it out and searching the numbers before finding the one I wanted, playing around with them and slipping out of the door and down to Mello's room, where the boy princess was away in the shower. I quickly found his phone and began my operation on it, before racing downstairs and nearly bumping into Nishi.

"Hey! Watch where you're going, airhead!"

"Sorry," I called out, still hurrying on my way, taking a deep breath as I entered my own bedroom. I heard the shower running. I wouldn't have to face him. I changed out of my rumpled clothes and into clean, ironed ones and scooped up my wallet and phone, before diving for the door, desperate to leave when I heard the shower stop.

"Going somewhere?" L asked moodily, stepping into the room, pulling a towel around his waist.

"Dry yourself off before you come in here, you'll make the carpet go all mouldy," I complained in a single breath, trying to leave. Should I say something? No. No, just keep moving. The sooner this is all done, the better it will be.

"Watari told me where you were last night."

"That's fine by me." I expected Watari would have.

"I was worried."  
"I can look after myself sometimes," I tried to smile over my shoulder at him, but it probably looked more like a pathetic attempt at a grimace. "I'm not a kid."

"You know...I'm sorry about what I said." He stood there, looking at his feet, looking miserable and pale. I took a long look at him. He was thinner, the tired circles under his eyes more prominent than I had ever seen them before. Why hadn't I seen him like this before? Why hadn't I noticed how sunken his eyes looked? The stress was eating him. Was that a slight blush on his cheeks? He looked sick, as if fevered slightly.  
"Lawliet," I breathed, slowly turning fully towards him, beginning to feel as exhausted as he looked. I stepped closer, unsure if he would accept me, but I couldn't help myself. I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face into his wet chest, soaking my clean clothes as his hair dripped onto my head. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to fix things, I really am." I wouldn't let myself cry...

His arms held onto me tightly. "Don't leave me," he whispered, sounding very afraid. "Stay with me, Light. I can't do this by myself."

"I won't," I promised, kissing his chest. "I won't ever. I'm sorry for what I did."

"Light..."

"I have to go right now, but I'll be here tonight, okay?"  
He nodded timidly and let me go. I kissed his lips gently before scarpering off. I took a bus, wishing Sparkles was back. Did it usually take this long to get cars fixed? And even when Sparkles came back...could I even stand to drive it again? I would be permanently reminded of what had happened...  
I made the phone calls and sat myself down in a booth at my favourite coffee shop, where Matt's girlfriend, Nova Kururugi was already waiting. She was playing a small Nintendo, the loud tunes and beeping clearly beginning to annoy the other customers, but she didn't seem to pay them any attention. "Hey, Nova," I smiled, feeling lighter now that L and I were on better terms.

"Light Yagami," she beamed, saving her game. "I got your call, so here I am. What is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Well, actually, we're still waiting on one other person. Until she gets here, can I buy you a drink or anything?"

"No need, I believe I'm the second party here," Maura Pollard announced, striding up to the table, pulling off her glasses and stepping out of her large fur coat to reveal a striking black outfit, looking as if she had stepped right out of a movie. She looked so much more refined compared to Nova who was wearing a brightly coloured shirt that had pacman plastered across it and patched jeans with a number of belts around her waist. A natural gamer.

"I think I can guess why you called us both here, Light," Maura smiled, pulling the small brochure-like menu towards herself. "You want us to help you get Matt and Mello together."  
"Matt and Mello...together?" Nova repeated, raising a brow. She groaned and buried her face in her hands. "Why do my boyfriends always have to be weird? First that guy who put mayonnaise on everything and then that guy who bought Star Trek figurines. Now my current boyfriend is in love with another guy. As much as I like gay people, it's not fair. Matt was a normal guy for once. Why can't I get a decent boyfriend?"

"I found Mello's obsession with Matt quite amusing, actually," Maura smiled, resting her chin on her palm as she toyed cat-like with a spoon. "It didn't occur to me until I first met Matt that Mello was dating me just to make his friend jealous. Of course, Mello and I have dated before, and he'd always talked about Matt, whom I'd never met, but it never occurred to me until then, that Mello was in love with him."  
"I thought they hated each other, that's why they kept on glaring at each other," Nova mumbled. "Now I find out that they were actually screaming mentally at each other, 'give me your hot beef injection'. When I see that Matt, I'm going to pound him for using me like this."  
"Actually, Matt wanted to date you before it even occurred to him to make Mello jealous," I told her, interlacing my fingers beneath my chin. "But that's irrelevant. I know them both pretty well, and I would like to ask you both if you would help me bring them together."

"If Mello has liked Matt for the amount of time I think he has, I am all for it," Maura smiled, a glint in her eye. "It sounds like fun."

"Sign me up, too," Nova agreed, punching her hand with her fist. "Okay, what's the plan?"

"Well, we encourage them to associate more," I explained. "You two have to appear to be best friends, so double dates are going to drive those two nuts. Go somewhere, to a restaurant and go to the bathroom together, leaving them alone at the table. Go to a photo booth and say you want photos of them both together. Encourage them to spend time together. Get them to open up more and talk about their past together and their relationship. You two are girls, this should be easy for you."  
"I'm a games tester, not a relationships expert," Nova sighed, rolling her eyes. "Those two have issues."

"I can get Mello to eat out of my hand easily. Feminine wiles," Maura winked. I gave them both a confident smile, feeling as if, perhaps, things really could go the way I wanted.

****

Happy Birthday to me!! It's my birthday today! Yay! I promised I'd get you an update today, and here it is. I am so sorry, though. I had planned to have so much written, but my days have been so busy, and when I finally had time to myself, I was sick! I hate being sick! It's so frustrating and stupid! But anyway, on to news of the competition! I know judging was supposed to be today, but I've recieved some requests from people who've had limited internet connection and haven't been able to upload them and haven't been able to type them up, so I'm adding some time up for you all to submit something! ^^ The due date is now 1st of October, and do note, that I am in a different time zone from a lot of you, so for Americans, it would be the day before in which you would have to submit ^^ I love the creativity of the stories so far, and the laughs Matsuda's antics have brought me, and I want moar!!

Okay, on to...DUN DUN DUN!!! ....AUTHOR QUESTIONS!!

1. Anyone read between the lines and found something not quite right and is beginning to disturb you? o.O Please don't kill me if you figure out the secret. ^w^"

2. Really short chapter. Annoyed?

3. Overall opinion of the chapter? ^^

Maybe a little explanation as to the roses that adorn the page instead of the usual star thingies I use ^^ Well, it is my birthday, so I thought I'd make this entry a little more special than usual by using roses to break up the pieces! ^^ I still haven't figured out how to make leaves on them yet, but I have thorns... }--'---,-----


	14. Chapter 14

"Rem...I'm glad you agreed to speak with me alone."

"I did this for Misa's sake," the white Shinigami growled, her purple lips bared back to reveal her shark-like teeth.

"Do you love Misa?" I questioned, stirring my coffee, which sadly had become cold. The Shinigami stared at me sharply with her glowing yellow eyes.

"I would give up my life for Misa," the Shinigami vowed, flexing her bony fingers, causing them to crack and grind together. I had once had a talent for wearing masks, so I was able to remain looking passive, as if the noise did not affect me at all, when in reality it was tearing at my nerves. "I would sacrifice myself just as Gelus did to protect her."

"I admire your dedication, Rem, but I think you're all talk. All bark but no bite." I sipped my coffee, raising my eyebrows as she ground her teeth, gnashing them in anger. She had a very quick temper.

"What do you mean, Light Yagami?"  
"I mean, Rem, that I don't believe you love Misa as much as you say you do," I answered, looking coolly up at her face as she stood on the other side of the table in Misa's one bedroom apartment. Misa had thought it was great that I was paying attention to the Shinigami, feeling that Rem seemed quite neglected and could do with a few friends. "I don't think you love Misa enough to be able to sacrifice yourself for her. If you did love her, wouldn't you be more accepting of others?"  
"What tricks are you trying to pull here, Light Yagami?"  
"I'm simply stating that your lack of attention towards others such as Ryuk portrays you as someone who is quite cold-hearted and incapable of loving Misa. If you can love Misa, then surely you could be friends with Ryuk. That doesn't seem so difficult or challenging as being in love. Friendship is much easier to maintain."

"I am aware that it has been your intention that Ryuk and I form a close relationship. However, such a thing cannot exist for us Shinigami. I would not expect a human such as yourself to understand such things," Rem told me, her voice cold and harsh, even through the monotonous tone. Just the look in her eyes alone was enough to shatter glass.

"I'm not a Shinigami, I agree with you there, but if you're referring to the fact that you and Ryuk cannot copulate as humans do, that shouldn't stop you from being in his company. Ryuk is just as aware of this problem as you are, and even then he overlooks that and admires you for your personality, not as some desirable object as us humans tend to do." I kept my eyes trained on her, unblinking. I had to stare her down, prove her wrong, guide her. "You can't copulate with Misa, and I'm sure the idea hasn't even crossed her mind. So your situation with her is exactly the same...but not quite. Do you know what it feels like to be loved and be loved in return?"

"Misa loves me and I love her," Rem growled, defensive.

"But didn't Misa have feelings for me? I suspect she still does," I smiled lightly, over the rim of my mug. "How can Misa love me and still love you? Maybe she doesn't love you at all and just finds you convenient. You have a Death Note, and you're always there to keep an eye on her, so she wouldn't be afraid of death, because you have sworn to sacrifice yourself in her place. I think she's using you, Rem."

I could see my words were affecting the Shinigami, saw the recognition and denial in her golden eyes. Should I push it further? Or had I taken it far enough? "Rem, all that I ask, is that you give Ryuk a chance. Because he loves you, and won't admit it because he's afraid that he'll upset you. You should open your heart a little, Rem. You might be happy that way."

"What do you know of my happiness, Light Yagami? I am very happy with Misa." Her voice lacked the strength it did before, as if she were trying to convince herself more than me.

"But Misa doesn't understand you like Ryuk does. He is a Shinigami, he is just like you, but Misa is not, and she'll never be able to understand what anything is like for you." I finished my cold coffee and got to my feet. "Well, I have to be going now, so I'll leave you with your thoughts. If you ever need to speak to me again, you know where to find me."

I gave her a small, sympathetic smile and let myself out of the apartment, ready to move to my next target. I found her in the same shop, looking tired. When she spotted me, she nearly ran over, if it weren't for the fact she was serving a customer. I walked around, waiting, looking at all the different products for sale. How long until Christmas? I could get Nishi's present here. But then again, I wouldn't be surprised if he already had one of everything in here.

When the customer left, the shop was empty, leaving me and Enah to talk and not be overheard.  
"You said you'd ring me back, but you never did. I didn't want to ring, just in case you were being watched or something."

"It's been a hectic few days," I told her, leaning against the counter. "Have you spoken to Misa?"

"No, but I was planning on seeing her today, to get more paper."  
"Don't. You're not to see Misa, and there's no more writing names down."  
"What?" Enah managed, surprised.

"You're being watched Enah, more carefully than I am. You're already suspected of being Kira, a mistake on my part. If you stop now, you won't be followed up. You'll be left alone, but if you continue, you'll be charged of the full crime of being Kira." I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to find the words. "You have to stop being Kira. Kira has to die, but Kira will never die. There are many followers, you know that. People who believe in Kira. With those people, Kira's message and wish for a new world will never die."

"You're...killing...Kira?"

"Maybe in a few years, Kira might return, when the world has forgotten...but now, Kira has to trust humanity, see what has been taught to them. Even with Kira around, there are always crimes still being committed. Kira can't stop everything." The only time Kira might return would be after my death when I couldn't do anything to prevent it. That was my promise to L. "Do you understand, Enah?"

"I don't want Kira to end," she whispered, upset. I stroked her hair gently. "I'll stop if it means I'll be caught, but I don't want Kira to end. I have friends...I'll pass the job to them..."  
"No. That would still be way too obvious, and if Kira continues to kill...Kira would appear more like a murderer the more Kira kills. You've tainted your hands enough, Enah. I don't want you to lose your humanity over this." _I've already stolen your soul, Enah...You'll wander in nothingness for eternity...and it's my fault. _"I have to go, Enah. Just be careful okay? Don't do anything that could link you to Kira."  
"I won't," she mumbled. I touched her hand comfortingly and left. I had told Misa not to give any more pages from the Death Note to Enah, because there was a big chance we would be caught if Enah killed any more people. I had told Misa she was being watched and needed to make sure she had no pages with her that could incriminate her. So far, everything was going to plan. There were going to be no new killings. Kira was dying.

***

When I got home, it was late and I was burdened with take-away. "Ah! Yum," Nishi burst, exploding into the hallway and trying to snatch some of the food from me. I let him carry some of the bags and followed him into the lounge room, where everyone was waiting. I noticed Mello and Matt were on opposite sides of the room, Mello often shooting him glares, Matt simply rolling his eyes back.

Matsuda eagerly distributed the food, and I moved to sit with L on the carpet, as he flicked through the channels on the television. "How was your day?" L asked me, looking very tired. What had he been doing all day? I leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"It was good. I got a lot done," I informed him, feeling pride well up within me. I had done everything myself. I was making this work. He shifted until his head rested in my lap, his black-rimmed eyes watching me, lips curving into a happy smile. I smiled back. We could do this. We belonged together, we were married. Nothing could stop us from being together, not even Kira. I leaned down and kissed him gently, before tracing his lips with my tongue. His fingers reached up and curled in my hair, holding me in place.

"Hey, stop being gross," Nishi teased, throwing a napkin at us. I laughed and reached for a plastic container that was filled with dim sims. I pulled one out with chopsticks and took a bite, moaning at the delicious taste. L smiled up at me, and I offered him the rest.

"No thanks, I'm not that hungry," he told me, stroking my cheek. It was as if we were making up for all the moments we hadn't been touching.

"You haven't eaten all day," Matsuda protested, frowning. I looked up at him in surprise before turning back down to L. He hadn't eaten all day? Not anything?

"I'm not feeling well," L explained, still smiling. "It's just a tummy bug. Just you see, I'll be fine in the morning and I'll eat three times as much."

I laughed at his childish expression and popped the rest of the treat into my mouth. "Suit yourself. It tastes great though," I teased, biting into another. L pulled me down into a kiss.

"It does taste good," he agreed, eyes full of mischief. I laughed again, feeling very light. I prayed our happiness would last, wouldn't be disturbed by anything. I couldn't handle anything else. Everything had been too fragile these last few weeks.

After dinner, we all watched a movie, Matsuda making popcorn laced with melted butter and icing sugar, which I wasn't too keen on, but ate anyway. L and I cuddled on the floor, occasionally stealing kisses from each other. I felt very much like the teenager that I still was.

When the movie finished, we snuck off to bed, where I eagerly began to remove L's shirt and pulling his jeans down to his knees, straddling his hips, relishing that tiny fact, that L never wore underwear. I moaned, suckling his nipples, his harsh breathing loud in my ears, his groan making his chest vibrate with the sound. His hands reached down to attack my belt, fumbling with it as I nuzzled his neck, flicking my tongue out and nipping the skin. He finally pulled away the leather contraption and threw it to the floor, unzipping my trousers and sliding his hands successfully down the back of my pants, under the elastic band of my underwear to cup handfuls of my rear, pulling me closer to himself. I moaned against his lips, grinding my hips into his.

I reached into the front of my pants and fondled my member, rubbing the tip and hissing at the prickling of the wonderful feelings it gave. I stroked myself, and licked along L's jaw line. "Touch me," I groaned, nipping his lower lip. "Touch me, Lawliet." He complied, his finger rubbing at my entrance, teasing it for a brief moment before pressing it in and rubbing into the muscle. I cried out, backing up to get more of him into me. He moaned, capturing my lips into his own, swallowing my cries as he found a particular spot, exploiting it and making everything spin as my body was overcome with the intensity of an impending orgasm.

I lost track of the world. "Tell me what you want," L panted against my lips. I groaned, loving the feel of his fingers, but wishing there was heat...warmth...wetness. I grinned and sat up, teasing.  
"Tongue-fuck me," I told him, chuckling breathlessly. His eyes were half-shut, his cheeks flushed, lips spreading into a wide smile. He pushed me off of his lap and onto my back, before he was the one atop me, ravaging my chest, before moving his travelling tongue down my stomach, sucking my inflamed and engorged member for a moment before spreading my legs and moving lower. I looked up down between my legs in surprise. Was he really...?

I let out a long, guttural cry as I felt his hot, moist tongue lap at my tender entrance. "So...good," I moaned, as his tongue entered me. I cried out, curling and writhing at his simple touches and licks. "Mmmn....Lawliet," I panted, stroking myself again. It had been a while since our last time together. I wanted to suck him dry, but how could I wish this to stop? It felt so good. "Lawliet, Lawliet, stop," I moaned. He complied, curious.

"Is something wrong?" he asked hoarsely.

"No, I want...I want...to blow you," I flushed, sitting up. He laughed softly and nipped my shoulder.  
"But I want to blow you," he breathed, hands dancing to touch my erection. I groaned as he embraced it with his fingers. "There are ways, Light, that we can suck each other," he moaned in my ear. I thought and the answer came quickly to me. I flushed again, aroused further. He pushed me until I lay on my back again, and he moved to lay beside me, but in the opposite direction. I grinned, feeling a little playful as I moved to half-straddle him, hovering over him on all fours. I licked the tip of his member, tasting the drops that proceeded, and felt his own mouth hot on me. I cried out as he instantly took all of me in, sucking as hard as he could. I didn't want to come so early. I wanted us to come together. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself and pull myself away from the feelings. I took his head into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it, before dipping lower and lower, trying to engulf him and pull us into a rhythm. Lawliet obliged me, working my own member at the same time.

My ears were filled with the sucking sounds and our sighs and moans, which alone were a huge turn on. Oh, he was delicious. Together we came, releasing into each other's mouths, continuing to suck not just for pleasure but for the comfort of being joined together. My precious Lawliet.

***

I woke up, feeling very warm and happy. It was such a difference. I smiled up at the ceiling, and brushed my fingers along my stomach lightly for a moment, before a disturbing sound met my ears. I heard a series of coughs, before retching and the disgusting sound of vomit entering a toilet. L wasn't in bed with me. I scrambled out and headed into the bathroom, to see L on his knees, vomiting into the bowl.

"Lawliet! Are you okay?" I worried, grabbing a towel off the bar and hurrying over, to kneel beside him.

"Did I wake you?" he asked dimly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, god," I cried. There was a deep maroon on the back of his hand and in the toilet. "You're vomiting blood!"

"I'm fine, Light," he panted, sweat dripping from his forehead. "I just need a moment...to rest."

"I'll call an ambulance, hold on," I burst, trying to get up. His hand shot out, fingers curling tightly, if not tiredly, around my wrist.  
"No, don't. I don't need one."

"You're...you're..." I croaked, shaking. Blood. Blood. Blood.

"Light, if you want to help...turn...the shower on...and help me in," he puffed. I raced out to do so, turning on the water and helping him crawl into the shower and propping him up against the tiles. "Don't worry, Light," he proceeded to tell me. "It's just a stomach ulcer. I'll be fine."

I felt like _I _was going to be sick. He was vomiting blood! That wasn't normal! I didn't want him to be sick! This wasn't fair.

I knelt with him in the shower, wanting to cling to him for comfort, but that was selfish. He needed me. He needed me to comfort him. Look after him. I had vowed to care for him, provide for him and support him. That was my vow that I had made on our wedding day.

"I'll ring Watari, then," I told him, stroking his hair back from his face. He turned his pale face to me.  
"Don't worry, I've already called him. I've got a doctors appointment around lunch."

"But-"  
"If it were serious, don't you think Watari would have sent an army to drag me into the hospital?" he teased weakly. I bit my lip, forcing myself not to cry.

"But you're vomiting blood. How can that not be serious?" I wrapped my arms around his thin shoulders and rested my chin on the top of his head. "When did you get your stomach ulcer?"

L stared down at his feet, mind clearly racing. His eyes turned back to me. "Please, Light, I'll explain everything later. Not now."

"Now, please," I begged. "I want to know."

"You'll only worry, Light, and there is absolutely nothing to worry about."

"I'll only worry more if you don't tell me," I said, voice cracking slightly, as the tears became harder to force away. L reached up to stroke my cheek.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

"Tell me," I pleaded, cursing the tear that rolled down my cheek.

"Promise you won't worry?" he finally asked, taking my hand and entwining his fingers in my own. "Promise?"  
"I..." How could I promise I wouldn't worry? "I'll try," I whispered. He gave a timid smile and squeezed my hand.  
"Remember when you thought I had food poisoning?" he asked, watching me. I nodded. "I told you that I knew what was wrong with me, but you still insisted on taking me to hospital. I didn't want you to worry, Light."  
"You teased me, you said you were probably pregnant," I remembered. He smiled gently at the memory.

"Yes. But I think I'd rather be pregnant than have what I'm suspected to have."

"What...you have...?"  
"All my symptoms showed that I probably had a stomach ulcer...but they...think I have abdominal cancer."

Cancer. Cancer? Cancer killed people. People with cancer died. Abdominal cancer? L had cancer? My Lawliet...was dying? I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. How could L be so calm beside me? He seemed resigned to it.

"To be precise, stomach cancer. I guess everyone was right, eating sugar for most of your life isn't good for you," L tried to joke.

"You have cancer?" I repeated, still trying to come to terms with it. I couldn't believe this. Stomach cancer? He nodded and kissed my knuckles.

"My case isn't too advanced, so I should be fine," he informed me. I stared.  
"Give me a percentage," I murmured. "Numbers."

"Stage zero has a five year survival rate of eighty-nine percent, stage one is fifty-eight percent, stage two is thirty-four percent...stage three is eight percent....stage four is seven percent."

"What stage are you at?" I whispered, unable to find my voice, feeling sick.

"They don't know. I'll be taking the tests today, to find out."  
"Overall...overall, what are your chances of living for five years?" I asked, still whispering. He stroked my cheek and smiled, closing his eyes.

"Estimated survival rate for five years is twenty-two percent."

I felt like I was falling, even though I was sitting on the ground. He didn't even have fifty percent, not even half a chance of living for the next five years. I couldn't bear this. This wasn't fair. I couldn't let this happen. Why was this happening?

"Light? Light?" I swallowed and looked at L who was still smiling, even if his bottom lip was trembling. "It doesn't matter yet. It all depends at what stage I'm at, where the tumour is, what surgery I can have..."

"How...how can you not be falling apart?" I asked, holding his hand so tightly, as if I were afraid I could lose him if I didn't have a firm enough grip on him, as if I were keeping him here with me, preventing him from leaving.

"I am," he smiled, kissing the tip of my nose. "I've been falling apart piece by piece."

I stared at him, realising. When I had betrayed him, he had been dealing with this. When I had broken his heart, he had been trying to come to terms with the fact he had cancer. I was the worst person on earth and I did not deserve to live.

"Are you okay?" he asked, as I dissolved into tears, sobbing into my arms. "Light, I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I'm not going to die, not until I'm good and ready."

This only made me cry harder. How could he promise to live through this? How could he have only a twenty-two percent chance of living for another five years? I couldn't bear this. This was too much. I ripped myself from L's arms and marched into the bedroom, hurriedly drying myself with a towel and haphazardly pulling on some clothes. Twenty-two percent. I blinked back tears, but couldn't for long, letting them spill freely down my face as I tore out of the house. This was what Watari had warned me about.  
Watari had said he was going to talk to Matsuda and I about L's eating habits. L could barely eat anymore. He was just throwing it up again, not eating if he could help it. He'd told me that the only reason L would deny loving me was if he thought it was for my own good. Had L reached a point where he didn't want to burden me with this? Had rather we broken up than have me deal with his death? Me, a widower at my age. It wasn't fair. L and I hadn't had enough time together. We hadn't had our first Christmas, we hadn't had Easter together. And we hadn't gone ice-skating or rolled around in the snow. We hadn't gone to the country, hadn't done hundreds of thousands of things together yet. Our life together hadn't even started and now we were being torn apart. First Kira, and now this. Last night, I had thought I'd gotten everything to work out. I thought everything would be okay. I didn't think it was possible for it to get worse. I could deal with a stomach ulcer. Those things could be fixed, couldn't they? But cancer? Cancer wasn't fair.

I ran and ran. I don't know where I got the energy, perhaps it was fear, giving me the energy to run as far away from my problems as I could. But I couldn't run for long, I couldn't bear leaving L. He needed me as much as I needed him. I couldn't let him go to the appointment by himself. I was his husband, I had to be there. Every step of the way. L had always been there for me, had supported me financially, emotionally...now it was my turn to look after him. I would make this as easy as I could for him.

Twenty-two percent. A long wail left my throat. Only twenty-two. What stage was he in? I prayed it was early. I couldn't handle stage four. Seven percent chance to live for the next five years. I stopped in the middle of the pathway I was standing on. I didn't care who was around me. I let out a scream, tears flooding my face, as I fell to my knees. Why was this happening? Why couldn't L be okay? Why did this all have to happen? How could I be so selfish and revive Kira when my own husband was dying right under my nose? This wasn't fair. Not fair. I wanted to die, I wanted to give myself up for him. He was too young to die, he wasn't ready. I couldn't let him die. We hadn't even gotten to a point where we were seriously considering having children yet. I hadn't even become a detective yet, we hadn't even had an anniversary yet. Our life was only beginning, but yet here it was, coming to an end. This wasn't fair. Our ending was starting to begin.

***

I saw Watari helping L into the back of his favourite black car as I approached the house. "Watari, Watari!" I called out, jogging over. I gave him a determined look. "I'm coming with you."

The old man nodded, allowing me to climb into the back with L. Lawliet gave me a tired smile and let himself be held by me. I had to be strong for the both of us. I had to be strong for Lawliet. The drive to the hospital was quiet, but there was nothing to be said, nor was anyone in a mood for talking. I comforted myself and L, by stroking his arm, his hair, kissing his temple.

Doctor Watanabe was probably in his late forties, starting to grey but looked healthy, or perhaps I was unconsciously comparing him to L. He sat behind his desk, fingers interlaced under his chin as he spoke. "I'm very sorry to hear about your diagnosis, Mr Ryuuga, but I and the rest of the staff here will certainly try to make this time a much easier one for you. It is very important for your emotional needs to be met, which is why as part of the procedure, you will be referred to a mental health specialist. It's important to have loved ones to help you through this difficult time. I assume Mr Watari and Mr Yagami are here for this purpose?"

"Yes," I answered for us, gripping L's hand tightly.

"And may I inquire as to your relationships with Mr Ryuuga?"

"I am Hideki's guardian and Light is Hideki's partner," Watari told the doctor calmly.

"Excellent," Doctor Watanabe smiled, looking down at his notes. "Now, stomach cancer is the suspected cancer here, and you should be informed that Japan leads the world in the number of diagnosed stomach cancers. The cancer is so common that our health system has created an early screening procedure to catch this cancer in its early stages, but unfortunately, there are few symptoms for the early stages, so by the time symptoms appear, the cancer has become quite advanced."  
I tried to listen, but my heart was pounding so loudly, I found it hard to hear. I didn't want to hear this, but I had to. I had to know.

"So, Mr Ryuuga, you have had no previous stomach surgery?"

"No," L answered.

"Do you suffer from heartburn, nausea, vomiting, belching, constipation or diarrhoea?"

"Nausea, vomiting, constipation," L answered, looking at a point somewhere over the doctor's shoulder. Was this embarrassing for him? To say this in front of Watari and me?

"Do you have any blood in your stools?"

"No."  
"Blood in your vomit?"  
"Yes."

"Do you take any vitamins, namely vitamin C?"

"No."

The questions seemed to go on, regarding something called Helicobacter pylori infections, and stuff about stomach acidity.

"Do you have abdominal pains or discomfort?"  
"No."

"Loss of appetite? Feeling of fullness even after a small meal?"  
"Both, and I vomit after meals."  
"I see. Have you had an unexplained weight loss?"  
"No."

"Well, Mr Ryuuga, I'd like you to step onto the scales in the corner over there, please, to begin our physical exam," Doctor Watanabe said, gesturing to the corner. L stood and had the doctor hover close by to record the results, and then was ushered onto a bed in the other corner. I watched as Doctor Watanabe put on some gloves and pushed L's shirt up to reveal his abdomen, and proceeded to examine it, pressing down in places, asking if he felt any discomfort. He checked under L's left arm and his collarbone. He checked L's eyesight and examined his skin in the light for a moment before taking a blood test.  
"You don't appear to have an abdominal mass, enlarged lymph nodes or jaundice, which is an excellent sign," the doctor murmured. "However, you'll still require an ultrasound, x-rays and an endoscopy to make sure I haven't missed something." He glanced at me quickly. "Before we begin the endoscopy, you'll need a rectal exam to check that the cancer hasn't spread into your pelvis and there's no abnormal formations in your lower colon."

If I were L, I would have been bright red, and nearly in tears. It was bad enough to be in the situation of having cancer, but have to be examined all over like this...I stood up and moved to hold L's hand as he was instructed to lay on his stomach. A nurse was called in, and the screen around the bed pulled closed. I wasn't sure why, I was pretty sure Watari wouldn't have cared to see L's behind. I stood around the bed, so I was facing L head on, smiling at him comfortingly. I held his hand as he squeezed the pillows tight to his chest.

"Just you see," I smiled at him. "You're going to be fine. I promise. I promise."

L flinched, but I wasn't game enough to look up to see what they were sticking into him. I wanted to be the only thing inside of him, but this was for his own good.  
"So, I was thinking we should get a dog," I told him, trying to distract him. "I mean, Ryuk is pretty mangy, but I was thinking we get a proper dog. I just hope Matsuda and Nishi aren't allergic. We can get a pet, can't we? I mean, Nishi has Hebi..."  
"You don't like cats, Light?" L asked, voice strained. I shook my head.

"No, actually, I don't like many animals. But I heard dogs are good companions for people with cancer."

"I don't like cats," L murmured. "And a cat would only eat Hebi. We can't get a bird, because Hebi would eat it. A dog would be good...but what kind?"

"I like the larger breeds of dogs. I hate the small pampered pooches. I even hate the word 'pooch'," I smiled.

"Are you two related?" the nurse asked, smiling kindly at me. I shook my head.

"No, we're partners," I told her, letting L squeeze my hand tightly as he experienced some discomfort.  
"That's nice," she replied, tilting her head. "We get a few gay men in here."

"Light, Light," L whispered, scrunching eyes up with pain, knuckles white as they squeezed my hand. I kissed his hand, wishing I could steal his pain away. Wish I could dispel it, make him all better.

"Hey, L," I breathed, moving my lips close to his ear. "When we have kids, I want a boy and a girl. And I want them to look just like you."

L let in a sharp breath, and I pulled back to look at him. His eyes glimmered with tears. "No," he murmured. "I want them to have your eyes, to have your laugh and your smile."

"Your hair," I grinned, ruffling his black locks.  
"Your dimples," he smiled weakly, touching my cheek with a finger.

"Your chin."  
"Your personality."  
"No, yours," I smiled, kissing his lips gently.

"That's it, Mr Ryuuga," Doctor Watanabe called, removing his gloves and putting them in the bin. I helped L sit up and affix his jeans, holding his hand as Doctor Watanabe began the endoscopy. I looked up into L's beautiful eyes as Doctor Watanabe began taking tissue samples for microscopic examination.

"We should get these results by the end of the week. Today, I'll get you to take an x-ray, where you'll have to swallow a barium solution which will outline your stomach and make it easier for us to find the abnormalities within it. So, we'll book you another appointment for the end of this week, and I'll book you a CT scan so we can get a needle biopsy. Later, we'll conduct a MRI scan to check your liver and we'll do an ultrasound. If your liver and other organs are doing well, then we won't need to do a liver function test, and I don't think you'll need a chest x-ray."

"Doctor Watanabe, what stage would you say he's in?" I asked timidly, swallowing my fear.

"I can't say for sure, but I'd say stage one or two. Stage three involves other organs being affected, but I don't think that's the case, so we can be very thankful," he told me, writing something down.

Stage one. Fifty-eight percent chance that Lawliet will survive the next five years. Stage two. Thirty-four percent. Please let it be stage one. But there had to be a god out there, because he wasn't stage three, eight percent. Eight percent chance to live...L had more than that. He could do this. He would make it through. It was barely fifty-fifty that L could pull through, but I'd make sure he would. I would give L no other choice.

"Mr Ryuuga, I'm going to prescribe you some medication, to help your digestion. And I think we should discuss your treatment after we receive these results. We'll have to conduct surgery, a gastrectomy, where we may remove part or all of your stomach. No matter what we remove, your diet is going to be changed drastically for the rest of your life. The size, content and the frequency of your meals will have to change. For example, you'll have to eat several small meals a day. After surgery, you'll have to take chemotherapy, which I feel will be more beneficial to you than radiation. If your case were advanced, we'd use a combination of both. Your symptoms do show signs of being advancing stages, but stress could have triggered this. I suggest you take some rest, and to take some time off work. You'll have to avoid sugary meals and snacks, smoked and pickled foods. Try to avoid drinking liquids with your meals. After surgery, we'll be doing follow-up checks, and you'll be prescribed iron, calcium and vitamin B12 supplements. If you experience abdominal pain, I urge you to come back as soon as possible, and we'll prescribe some morphine, but I don't think that will be likely, as your next appointment will be by the end of this week and we'll be conducting surgery as soon as possible after those results come in."  
Chemotherapy? Didn't that cause hair loss? I ran my fingers lightly through L's hair as I listened, my heart heavy. Poor L. Why did this have to happen to him? He didn't deserve any of it. Any of this pain.

Medication. Surgery. A whole new diet. The trip home was a quite one yet again, and as we entered the kitchen where Matsuda was teaching Mello how to make some kind of chocolate cake, Ryuk hid the cooking utensils and Matt and Nishi taste-tested, I realised that this didn't affect only Lawliet and myself. All of them, our family, would be affected. They relied on L as the head of the family, just as much as I relied upon him like one relied upon their eyes or their ears.  
"I think I'll go to bed," L murmured, kissing my cheek before slipping away. I smiled and nodded at him, trying to remain positive. I had to be strong for him. But that wouldn't stop me from checking in on him every few minutes to make sure he was still doing okay.

"Hey, Light, you didn't come in for breakfast this morning," Matsuda noted, as I took a seat with Matt and Nishi. "Both you and L skipped out on lunch, too."

"Sorry, Matsu. I wasn't hungry. But I'm hungry now," I told him. Matsuda loved feeding people.  
"Here! You can try my grandmother Momoko's famous triple chocolate mud cake with almonds! I taught Mello how to make it."

"Mello sucks at cooking, he burnt the almonds," Matt informed me coolly. Mello's grip on the spatula tightened, nostrils flaring. Mello hated being inadequate in any way.

"The icing is good though," Nishi commented, licking his fingers which he draped in the bowl that had been used for making the icing.  
Mello shoved a plate with a slice of the cake under my nose, eyes glaring at me, daring me to mock his cake. I timidly took a bite, savouring the flavour for a moment. "It's really good," I told the blonde detective. I saw Matt raise his eyebrow at me, as if scorning me, for choosing Mello over him. "But the almonds are a little burnt," I amended. Mello looked ready to scoop my eyeballs out and shove them down my throat. "But it still tastes great!" I added hastily. This felt good. This normality that I hadn't been able to have with all that Kira had caused me and now this latest development regarding L's health. I scoffed down the cake, feeling guilty for having a little fun while I should have been with L.

I found L curled up in bed, wrapped around a pillow, clutching it like a life-line, the way I had with my bear when I was a child. His eyes were wide, staring at the wall, mouth open, trying to breathe quietly, to disguise the fact tears were streaming from his eyes.

"Oh, Lawliet," I breathed, laying down beside him, brushing his tears away with my thumb.

"I'm so weak," he mouthed.

"You're doing much better than I ever could," I tried to smile, catching the droplets that clung to his eyebrows. "You're not weak, this is only going to make you stronger. We'll pull through, I promise."

"I'm supposed to support you, Light, and here I am, I can't even support myself."

"Hey, I'm supposed to look after you sometimes. That's what husbands are for, right?"

"My beautiful uke..."  
"My sensitive seme," I teased, kissing his wet lips. "Just go to sleep, my love. It'll be okay, you'll see."  
"How do you know for sure?" he mumbled, closing his eyes. I wrapped my arms around him, encouraging him to snuggle into my chest.

"Because I'm magic, that's how," I smiled. As soon as he drifted off to sleep, my smile faded away, and I silently let loose my own tears. I'd never seen something so heartbreaking as Lawliet crying.

***

I wanted to spend every moment with L and found myself clinging onto him at the point where he went to spend the day with Watari without me, kissing my forehead, telling me to relax, there was nothing to worry about until we went back for the next appointment.

I found myself at a loss for something to do. I went into the kitchen and raided the fridge for some yogurt (damn Mello for everything being chocolate flavour) and flumped down in front of the television, depressed. Was I smothering L? Damn it. I'd have to remember to give him some space. He didn't want to be reminded constantly of what was inside of him, which he was constantly aware of every time I clung to him tightly and wouldn't let him out of my sight. I was afraid if I did, he wouldn't come back.

"Light! Light! Hey, Light!" Matsuda shouted, running around the house, looking for me.  
"In here, Matsu," I called gloomily, shoving a spoonful of yogurt into my mouth. He raced in, arms moving around like windmills. "What's up?" I asked, staring at him, his face red and eyes practically popping out of his head.

"S-Sparkles is back!" he cried, grinning. "Come see!" He took the yogurt from me and put it on top of the television, grabbed my wrist and dragged me outside to see Sparkles parked in the driveway, looking more sparkly than ever. There was no sign of damage, no dents, no spray paint, everything was back to normal. I walked up to it and touched the bonnet, a little overwhelmed. My car was back. It was alright.

"Can we go for a drive?" Matsuda asked. Mello strode of the house, biting into a bar of chocolate.  
"Hey, Sparkles is back," he smiled, admiring the car. "Looks good as new. Or maybe it's a different car to replace the last one."  
"No, it's definitely Sparkles," Matsuda smiled dreamily, hugging the front end of the car. I grabbed the scruff of his neck and pulled him away.

"Off the car, you'll get it dirty," I grimaced.  
"Oh, but-!"

"MELLO!" came the roar, smothering Matsuda's protests. Our heads whipped around to see Matt marching out of the house, carrying his Xbox. He went to Mello and shoved it into his arms. "What the hell is your problem, you jerk? You put yogurt all over it!"

"I didn't!" Mello protested angrily.

"Yeah, right, you didn't! It's chocolate flavoured yogurt, you ass! Now it won't work at all!"

"I didn't do it, but if I'd known you'd get so pissed, I would've!"

"You're a dick, Mello!"  
"And you're a pussy!"  
"Was the Xbox near the television?" Matsuda whispered to me, eyes wide and face full of guilt. I nodded. The yogurt must have fallen down onto the Xbox. No way was I telling either of them that, I didn't want Matt angry at me, and Mello didn't seem to care if he got to claim credit for destroying something of Matt's.

"Don't say anything," I murmured to Matsuda. He nodded, wide eyed. I cleared my throat. "Uh, Matt, Mello, you guys should calm down. Why don't we go out for lunch and sort this out civilly?"

"Shut up, Light!" Mello shouted, not liking to be interrupted in the middle of an argument.

"Don't tell him to shut up! He didn't do anything, unlike _you, _who can't respect other people's property!" Matt barked at the blonde boy.

"I respect other people's stuff, just not your own, because you're just another homophobic carpet-muncher!"  
"And you're a selfish, fat, ugly pig who couldn't give a damn about anyone! Guys only want you because you look like a girl, so you can't go around saying you're gay! It doesn't count!"

Mello looked hurt for a moment there, a little speechless, before he punched Matt in the jaw. I had almost expected a slap...Boy, could Mello pull a punch! Matt fell onto the ground, surprised, winded as Mello leapt upon him, trying to pin his arms down, punching any part of the gamer he could reach.  
Matsuda struggled to get to his feet to pull them apart, when Mello whipped out a handgun out of the back of his jeans and pointed it between Matt's eyes. Everything went still, the only sound coming from Matt and Mello's pants.

I remembered L telling me that Mello's movements in being a detective were pretty uncouth, resorting to kidnapping and blackmailing to get results, with ties to the Mafia and carrying a gun around with him everywhere. L had requested that Mello didn't bring a gun into the house, but it looked like the boy princess hadn't listened.

Matsuda had frozen beside me, and I likewise was unable to breathe, unable to comprehend this. Mello wouldn't kill Matt over this, would he? I had to stop him, but what could I do? This was a dangerous situation, and I was powerless.

"Tch," Mello scowled, pulling the trigger.  
"No!" I cried out in shock.

There was no bang. Instead, water spurted out of the front of the gun, directly between Matt's eyes. It was...a water pistol? Matt nearly collapsed with relief, before he let out an angry cry and began to wrestle with Mello again. I weakly sat myself down on the ground, unsure whether I wanted to help Matt in bashing up Mello.

"Alright," I finally sighed, getting up. "Come on, Matsuda, help me break these two up."

Together, Matsuda and I pulled Mello away from Matt and surveyed the damage. The Xbox lay broken nearby, and Matt was sporting a split lip, a bruise under his eye and the front of his shirt was torn. Mello had a slight nosebleed, was clutching one of his ribs and his hair was a mess.

"Let me patch you guys up," Matsuda sighed, walking inside to grab a first-aid kit.

***

Well...hopefully none of you go out on rampage on me O.o" L has stomach cancer. Raise your hand if you saw it coming! (Well, if you thought that L was a little sicker than usual...) So, here we enter the final act! Will L survive? Can Light live without L? What about the big life together they had planned? Do Matt and Mello finally, in the darkest moments, find love together, or realise, that perhaps, they're not suited to each other at all? How will Nishi and Matsuda react when they find out about L's cancer?

I had been discussing with my friend what kind of cancer L should get for months now, every Thursday on the bus to TAFE. She doesn't read the story, but she knows the storyline, so she suggested liver or pancreatic cancer. Reasoning? We'd never met anyone with pancreatic cancer. I was thinking about testicular or prostate cancer, but nah, I wanted it to be more plausable and L's dietry habits are something that always come up as a topic. I really love L's signature cake and sugar, so it was hard for me to write this and accept the reality of stomach cancer. No more sugar for L. Leafy greens. Poor L. How will he cope?

Anyway, I recently counted all the individuals who set my story to "Favourite Story" and "Story Alert" and I am so proud to say that I have over 131 people reading Death Note Dreaming and the number is growing each day. I get a minimum of five new emails a day about it. I'm not complaining, I just can't believe it's not butter! Hope this person doesn't mind, but I wanna give them some recognition for being the first person to read it: DarkAngelJudas. That person unknowingly changed the whole direction of Death Note Dreaming. It could have been a fic that just floated around on the internet, got kicked around by other fanfics, ate anchovies in the gutter with all the other crappy fanfics, but the moment I recieved the message, I recieved a ray of hope! Someone actually read it! Needless to say, I was flabbergasted and wanted to write more, so I could get more of that happy feeling that I get when I recieve new readers and comments and stuff, so I wrote more, and here I am, wanting to hug 131 people all at once. ^w^ This fanfic could only happen because of you people, whether you realise it or not! And here I was, starting to believe I would never accompish anything as a writer. I may not be JK Rowling, but I feel like I imagine she must feel. 'Cept younger.

So...time for DUN DUN DUN...everyone's favourite segment (or maybe just mine)...AUTHOR QUESTIONS!!!

1. Overall opinion about the chapter?  
2. Favourite part from this chapter?  
3. Part you didn't like in this chapter?

4. Your predictions for the future?

5. Suggestions to make this a better fic. Things I can improve on, ect. (I always ask this, but I get no response. Does that make me perfect, then? O.o

6. Should they get a pet? If so, what kind and what name? (And we are not taking Mello's suggestion of having a worm farm and naming all the worms "Near")

So, for the moment a lot of you have been waiting for...*pinch and a punch for the first day of the month, white rabbits!* It's October First and the closing date for the stories you guys entered! I know you're all excited to see who won ^^ I had a number of entries, except some people submitted them by email, so I don't exactly have a link so people can read them, so if those people put them on or , I can put the link up so everyone can read the joys of Matsuda gettin' it on with Sparkles, Light hiding all the chocolate, apples and sugar in the house and Chikayo's girly reaction to a horror movie. But two people did ask that if they didn't win, they didn't want people to read their stories, which I think is stupid because they were still awesome, but sadly, I'll honour their wishes ^^

So, the winners are...(drum roll, please!)

First place AND Funniest Story: Matsuda, You're Sparkling! by **Zena Silverwing**

Second Place: No Treats For You by **YaoiFanboy1/2**

Notable Mention: Secret Joyride by **MattJeevasLover**

And kudos for the following:

Chikayo The Fairy Princess by **NaruSasu92**

The Night Matsu Went Crazy by **MikamiD**

Apple Killer by **LoveHappySweets**

So, remember the prizes are:

1st Place: I will beta you for two fics. I will write you a fic for any genre and any anime, movie or book, provided I'm familiar with it (wouldn't work otherwise). Of course, if you don't want these prizes, then let me know what you DO want so I can make magic happen!

2nd Place: I will beta you for one fic. I will write you a lemon for any two characters of your choice.

Funniest Story & Notable Mention: You get a big wet sloppy kiss from Ryuk, a lollipop stick from L, a pair of Light's underwear (unwashed, sorry), Nishi's left shoe, Matsuda's pink oven mitts and Enah's glasses. What shall you do with such riches? XD

The only links I have are (just remove the spaces):

Madsuda, You're Sparkling! :: http:// .net/s/ 5356996/1/ Matsuda_Youre_Sparkling

Secret Joyride :: http://mattjeevaslover . /art/ Secret-Joyride-136550621


	15. Chapter 15

I blinked blearily, feeling very warm and slightly sticky. I could feel a familiar arm wrapped around my waist, a face buried between my shoulder blades as Nishi clung to me in his sleep. I sat up and stretched, smiling as I looked down at him, saw how his lips were parted and he was dribbling slightly, hair tousled. I ran my fingers through his hair, feeling very content. My life was so...perfect. Because I had the most perfect boy in the world to hold and be held in return.

"Chikayo," he mumbled, waking up. "What're you doing?"

"Listening to you talk in your sleep," I teased, tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear.

"What did I say?" he frowned, barely coherent as he continued to lie there.

"Oh, you know, just about how you wanted me to go harder, faster..." I trailed off, trying to keep a straight face. His cheeks coloured slightly.

"What's the time?" he yawned, rolling onto his back and stretching.  
"About eight."

"Crap. Everyone's probably awake then."  
"Yeah..." It wasn't the first time that I had snuck into the house to spend the night with Nishi, so I'd done the whole walk-into-the-kitchen-and-have-everyone-know-why-you're-there kind of looks. "I need a shower," I noted, feeling Nishi brushing my thigh lightly with his fingertips under the blanket.  
"I'll _come_ with you," he smiled teasingly, moving his fingers higher to a place he had claimed as my boyfriend. I licked my lips to moisten them, wishing he wasn't so good at turning me on. We climbed out of bed and walked to the adjoining bathroom that was shared by Mello. Nishi peeked in, to make sure Mello wasn't there, before we got into the shower, kissing hungrily. I used my body to press him into the cold tiles, glad that I was stronger than him for this. It was many of those kind of contrasts between us that I really liked, like the creamy colour of his skin compared to the golden colour of my own.

I loved how his dark hair almost touched his shoulders as it got wet, I loved how hot he looked with the water running down his chest. How his damp hair clung to his head and made his pierced ears more prominent, showed the new earrings I had got him, little silver crosses that swung with his movements. I could just stare at him all day.

"You're so...delicious," I growled in his ear, nipping at his neck. He panted softly, fingers getting tangled in my reddish coloured hair. I loved him, loved the taste of him, loved how he gasped when I sunk my teeth his shoulder as I sucked, marking him as mine, loved how well the marks showed up against his skin.

"I thought you wanted a shower," he sniggered, nipping the top of my ear. I grinned and purred into his skin.

"I can have both."

Nishi wrapped his leg around my waist, pulling me into him, wanting more contact. I gave in to him, melting like butter to his wishes and thrust my hips into him, grinding him roughly. He cried out, draping his arms around my shoulders, fingers digging into the skin. Fuck this skin. If I could just tear it off so I could be with him, merge with him like I desperately wanted to...

Bang. Bang. Bang. "Oi, Nishi, I have to use the toilet!"

Damn Mello. "Fuck off!" Nishi yelled hoarsely, before burying his lips into mine, chest heaving with his pants. But Mello wouldn't give up that easily.

"Get fucked, Nishi! I'm busting! I won't make it downstairs in time!" Before Nishi could shout back, Mello had kicked open the door and barged into the bathroom, pants already being yanked open, racing to the toilet. Damn the shower for not having frosted glass...

"Hey, Chikayo," Mello grinned, looking over his shoulder at me. I gave him an amused, half-frustrated grin. "Hey, no need to stop on my account, guys," Mello sighed, turning back. "Oh, god, this feels so good. I was going to wet myself."

Nishi made an annoyed noise in the back of his throat as Mello began to whistle. I chuckled and tried to distract Nishi with kisses until Mello had flushed the toilet and had washed his hands before leaving, giving us a warning not to waste water. Nishi sighed, letting my lips explore his face for a while with butterfly kisses. I kissed his collarbone, traced it with my tongue, moved lower. I felt awkward giving blowjobs, which Nishi found disappointing, because he reckoned I was good at them. I didn't want to disappoint him, so I'd oblige, treat him. He smiled down at me, cupping my cheeks. "What did I do to get this? Or are you making up for Mello barging in?"

I kissed beneath his navel, moving my hands to his thighs, smiling. "What? I can't just be nice to you once in a while?"

"Chikayo Karasuma? Nice? Pft, get out of town," he joked, before giving a mock groan. "Why can't I have a badass boyfriend? I've got the kind who'll help old ladies cross the road and - oh!" I rolled my eyes and silenced him by taking him in, drawing him down as deeply as I could. I bobbed my head along his shaft, using my hands to keep him still as I worked him. He tried to keep his teeth clenched against the noises that burst from this throat, which I found so enticing, especially the way he screwed his eyes so tightly. He let out a wail and some curses as he came, catching my chest with the mixture. I grinned proudly up at him, finding it hard to do, as the water poured down over us. He smiled back, cheeks flushed, panting for breath.

He reached down and took my hand, pulling me onto my feet, before he shoved me against the wall and used his knee to spread my legs. I didn't really need release, I would be fine with a cold shower, but didn't object as he wrapped his fingers around me, stroking and jerking me off. God, he was good. I moaned against his lips, and curled my toes, shivers going up my spine, making my hair stand on end. God...so fucking good.

Afterwards, we cleaned ourselves off properly, before dressing and heading downstairs. Matsuda had served a stack of pancakes with honey and jam, and looked upwards to heaven for a moment after he saw me. "You know, I hope you two are being smart," Nishi's uncle warned us, putting his pink mitt covered hands on his hips.

"Why's that, Uncle Matsu?" Nishi asked, toying with him as he pulled a plate towards himself.

"I just hope you two are playing it safe," the detective said, cheeks slightly pink, but still stubborn to make his point.

"Matsuda," I groaned, trying not to turn red.

"I hope you're treating him right. He's my nephew, you know!"

"Don't be stupid, Matsu," I heard Light smile as he entered the kitchen. I took one look at him and knew there was something wrong about him. He looked exhausted, withdrawn, worried, despite the small smile on his lips.  
"You okay?" I asked, offering him a plate of pancakes. He nodded, pushing the plate away.  
"I'm not hungry. L and I'll be going out soon, I'll grab some breakfast in town."

"You sure? Matsu's pancakes are really good," I tried to grin, tempting him. Food was good. Light shook his head, moving to get himself a glass of water. Water? Where was the coffee? Light loved coffee. "Sure you're okay?" I repeated, not believing him for an inch.

"I'm fine," he stressed, flashing me a big smile. He probably wasn't even convincing himself.  
"What're you and L up to today?" Matsuda asked, looking put out. Was he upset because Light didn't want his pancakes? I wasn't complaining, as Matsuda dished out Light's and L's serving between Nishi and I, adding more cream to them.

"We're...looking for a pet," Light faltered. Were his hands shaking? What was with that weird look on his face? What was wrong with him?

"We're getting a pet?" Nishi asked, perking up. I could tell what he was thinking, perhaps a playmate for Hebi, except I couldn't see Light and L going for a snake.

"Well, we're looking for a dog. We just wanted to have a look at them, and then we'd talk to everyone about it, just in case someone's allergic or something..."  
"A dog? What kind?" Nishi asked, excited. "A big one? A harlequin Dane? Wolf hound?"

"I don't know," Light shrugged, downing his glass of water in one go. "Anyway, I should go wake up L..."  
"Does Light seem a little off to you guys?" I asked, when Light had left. Nishi shrugged.

"I think he and L are having marital problems," Matsuda murmured, guiltily. "The other week, they barely talked to each other, and then the next thing we know, it's all okay between them. It's weird. But I think there's something up with L. He normally doesn't sleep so much, and he hasn't been coming out for meals lately."

"I've noticed that, too," Nishi remarked, realisation on his face. "He's tired all the time. I thought he was just moping or something."

"That could be it," I said, scratching at the stubble on my chin. "Maybe they're having problems and L's all upset about it."

"We should do something to cheer them up," Matsuda suggested, munching on a pancake and getting cream on his nose. "I could wash Sparkles for Light...and bake L a cake."

"What good is a cake if L isn't eating lately?" Nishi pointed out, wrinkling his nose. "And besides, if you wash Sparkles one more time, the paint will start peeling off."

"Really?" Matsuda burst, horrified.  
"I suggest you keep washing Sparkles to at least once day instead of five," Nishi smirked. "There's a water crisis, you know. Mello told me about it this morning."

"Smart arse," I chuckled, kissing behind Nishi's ear. Nishi rolled his eyes and pressed his cream-covered lips to my own.

"So, what are you two boys doing today?" Matsuda asked, biting into another pancake.

"I'm faking sick to get the day off work," Nishi shrugged, mirroring his uncle in devouring another pancake. "I was thinking about doing some shopping, I could get L and Light a collar for their dog. That'd cheer those two hags up," he realised, excitement dawning on his pretty features.

"But you don't even know if they're getting a dog yet. Light said they were only looking," I pointed out. Nishi rolled his eyes at me.

"Out of sight, out of mind, right? If I get them a collar, they'll have no choice but to get a dog. Can't let a gift go to waste," Nishi pointed out, pretty smug with himself. It was this way of thinking that led to me and Nishi exploring a pet shop, looking for a decent collar. Nishi wanted to get something large, black leather with studs, where I was more inclined to the simple canvas collars with paw prints on them.

"No way am I getting a sissy collar like that," Nishi protested, as I held up a purple collar with little yellow paw prints. "Not only is it sissy, it's so queer it's embarrassing."

"And leather with studs isn't queer at all," I grinned, wrapping my arms around him, nipping his bottom lip as I ran my fingers along his leather belt which had numerous silver studs. He rolled his eyes, and held up three of his favourite collars.  
"Pick out of these," he demanded, not replying to my statement. I looked at the collars closely, before taking one and putting it around his neck.

"Looks good on you, Rover," I teased, toying with the tag on it.  
"Woof," he snorted, taking it off. "You like this one?"

"I don't like any of them," I grimaced, taking the collars from him. "And it's a present for L and Light. It's their dog, not yours."

"I can dream," he grinned, sighing. "I'm Matsuda's nephew, aren't I? Therefore, it's natural for me to take Light's stuff and act like it's mine. Take Sparkles as an example."

"I don't even want to think what Matsu would do to that car if he owned it," I shuddered, wrinkling my nose.

"Me neither," Nishi agreed. "But anyway, if I give them a collar already engraved with a name, they can't change the name of the dog."  
"What would you name it?"

"I was thinking 'Bacon' or 'Dildo'. Or maybe something cute like 'Syphilis'." He looked so serious, I wasn't sure whether he was joking or not. I gave him a smile and kissed his forehead.

"At least give it a nerdy name that L and Light won't kill you for."

"Such as?" Nishi prompted, hands on his hips. "I wasn't a nerd at school, so I wouldn't know what geeks would name their pets."  
"Math theorems. Pythagoras, trigonometry, algebra..." I trailed off. Nishi looked thoughtful.

"Algebra, huh? Sort of sounds like 'algae bra'. Do you think mermaids would wear bras made of algae then? Hmm...Trigonometry...Trig-on-my-tree...Nah, doesn't sound kinky enough. Pythagoras, did you say? Pie-thag-your-ass..." Nishi paused for a moment before he burst out laughing. "That's what I'll name it! Pythagoras! Pythagurass! Oh, Light will love it."

It was only because it was childish that it was funny at all. Nishi held up a collar and tapped his bottom lip. "I think I like this one the best, out of all the boring ones." Just a simple, black leather collar. I smiled at him and plucked it from his fingers.  
"I'll pay for it if you go buy me a drink," I told him, pecking his lips.

"Buying you a drink sounds cheaper," Nishi grinned, licking my upper lip. "What kind?"  
"Lemonade," I told him. "I'll meet you at the front of the pet shop, okay?"

"Sure."

I watched Nishi leave the shop, before I grabbed the studded collar I had put on Nishi and purchased them both. There was a key engraver nearby, so I jogged over, hoping Nishi would take his time. When Nishi got back, I was standing at the front of the pet shop, waiting. "I went to the key cutters over there to get the collar engraved. They're pretty cheap," I told him, smiling as he sipped at my lemonade. "What now?"

"Clothes shopping," Nishi smiled. Ah. My beautiful boyfriend's obsession with clothes. "If I can't get you to wear Lolita, then I'll damn well pick out something nice for you."

He took my hand and dragged me to a clothing store and went in like a hurricane, grabbing items of clothing with barely a glance. Did he even know which sizes he was grabbing? But then, he worked at a clothing store, so he'd be used to it.

"Here," he said, pulling me into a dressing cubicle, shutting the door behind us. He grinned, leaning in as close as possible as he unfastened my jeans. I swore Nishi was magical. How could he turn a normally boring activity of buying clothes into a seductive adventure? Damn him.

"Put these on," he demanded, holding up a new pair of jeans.  
"They look small," I commented, doubtful. "I don't think they'll fit."

"They're skinny leg jeans, stupid. Like what I'm wearing."

"They accentuate your ass."

"I wear them just for you," he teased, kissing my lips. "Now put them on."

I did as he ordered, but found the jeans just weren't me. We spent the day like that, find clothes for one another to wear. I laughed my ass off as I managed to slip on a denim mini-skirt and Nishi shimmied into a tight dress, and listened to him complain about how the front was all saggy because he had nothing to fill it with. We didn't purchase anything, except new sheets for Nishi's bed, because he hated dirty sheets and there was never enough clean ones to change with. Before we left, I picked up the two collars, wondering how long I could keep the studded one away from Nishi.

We held hands as we walked, ignoring the stares, the jeers, the comments. I didn't even notice it so much anymore, yet I knew if it weren't for Nishi, I probably wouldn't be able to handle it so well.

"You okay?" Nishi asked, as we walked through a park. I nodded, still squirming.  
"I gotta piss," I grimaced. "That lemonade went right through me." We stopped at one of the small toilet blocks that littered the park, and handed the bags to Nishi. I loved the feeling of relief that came with a freshly emptied bladder. Stupid lemonade and stupid Mello for making me notice how good it felt. As I opened the door, Nishi pushed me back in, shutting it behind us, dropping the bags to the ground at our feet, holding the studded collar up.  
"_'Property of Chikayo'_," Nishi read, a smirk gracing his lips. "Bit of a kinky present, don't you think?"

"Who says its for you?" I teased, heat flooding my groin as he regarded me with those blue eyes of his. He put the collar on and drew me into a kiss, quickly growing frenzied. As we broke to breathe, he took the opportunity to unzip my jeans, and pushed his down, kicking off one of his shoes, so he could free one of his legs from his tight jeans. I fished quickly around in my wallet, pulling out a condom and ripping it open quickly with my teeth, thanking heaven for the quick and easy lubrication it offered. They were definitely preferable for those men who didn't want to walk around afterwards with sperm running out of them, too.

"Mmmn...come on," Nishi moaned, as I fumbled to get it on. As soon as I did, I had both of his legs wrapped around my waist, and I was fucking him against the door of the cubicle. He bit into my neck, crying out. "Harder, harder, please," he panted against my skin. I groaned and obliged, giving him all I could, flushing at the noise we were making.  
"Ah! Ah!" Nishi cried out, holding onto the top of the door behind himself to help support his weight. I exploded within him, shuddering and crying out as I panted for breath.

"Ah! Don't s-stop!" Nishi demanded, legs tightening around me further. "I'm...hah...coming!" I continued to thrust, wanting him to reach that same peak. He came, slumping against me, wrapping his arms tiredly around my neck as he kissed me. I struggled to keep him up, still trying to catch my breath. We didn't pull apart for a long time, and when we did, I had to laugh at the mess my boyfriend had made on my shirt.

"That was hot," Nishi smiled, pulling up his jeans and fixing himself up. "We should do this in public toilets more often."

"Sure about that?" I murmured, as we exited the cubicle and saw the old man washing his hands at the sink, looking _just a little _disturbed.

"Yeah," Nishi snorted, obviously not caring at all. I shoved the used rubber in the bin provided for the paper towels and tried to wash my shirt, red faced as the man raced out of the toilets as quickly as he could. "Old tosser," Nishi growled under his breath. "Maybe he needs to get laid for once."

"So...you like your collar then?" I asked, trying to distract him. Nishi looked down at the studded leather contraption and beamed brightly.

"I love it."

***

One...Two...Three...Four...Inhale.

One...Two...Three...Four...Exhale. And repeat.

I had a firm grip on the sink, trying to fight down my panic attack. Breathing. Breathing was good. I could handle that...Breathe...breathe...

"Are you okay?"  
No, not really. "Yeah, I'm doing good," I told him, feeling his arms embrace me, felt him bury his face into the back of my neck. "And you?"  
"Good." His lie was so obvious. He was not good, and neither was I. I felt him rest his lips on my neck. "We'll be fine."  
I sighed, closing my eyes, forcing myself to believe him. We were going to be fine. We could do this. We could survive.  
I felt L's hand brush my cheeks, fingers wet, when I realised I was crying. I flushed with shame. Some supportive partner I was. I was supposed to be looking after him, comforting him, and here he was comforting me. I sighed softly and let myself sink into his arms, guilt-ridden, but relieved. We were there for each other and that's all we needed.

"So, how does it feel?"

"How does what feel?" he asked, combing my hair with his fingers.

"Your partial gastrectomy. You're saying goodbye to some of your stomach."

"I'm just thankful it's not my whole stomach," he murmured, kissing my jaw line.

"Are you scared?" Did I really just say that? Of course he was scared! He was scared witless! And so was I. Lawliet was now officially booked in for surgery in three days, to have a third of his stomach removed and the remaining stomach would be connected to his esophageus and small intestine. We'd told everyone that he was going abroad for work while he'd be in hospital, and I'd announced that I'd gotten a 'job' at a newsagency, and during the time I was supposedly 'working', I would be visiting my husband in hospital. We weren't going to tell anyone until it was all over, when L would be okay. When the nightmare ended. L was going to be okay. I wouldn't accept any other outcome.

We'd discussed L's options after surgery, and he would be getting chemotherapy, as removing the stomach would not totally remove the cancerous cells. I was trying so hard not to think of the potential side effects, like the pain, nausea, diarrhoea, infection, mouth sores...Long term effects included bone loss and could damage the nerves as well as his organs. It also increased the chance of developing cancer again in the future. But my worst fear was that maybe Lawliet could become infertile. I wanted nothing more than to have his children, I wanted to raise his flesh and blood. It hurt that I wasn't a woman when it came to this. It hurt that L and I could never have a child who was a mixture of us both. That was impossible for us.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, looking at my reflection in the mirror as he rested his chin on my shoulder. What else could I be thinking about? This thing was not only eating L's body, it was eating me, too. Lawliet would have to deal with physical scarring, but we would both share the emotional scars. I was determined, however, not to let this tear us apart, but bring us closer together. Destroying Kira didn't matter anymore. That plan was on hold until Lawliet became better again.

"Thinking...about having kids with you," I mumbled. He kissed behind my ear.

"I've been thinking about that lately, too. But I want you to know that we won't be having kids until you're settled in a career. Not for the financial backing, but to have your life in order. You're clearly too young. A college student. I can wait, and the first child will be mine, and then if you feel ready, you can have a child, when you're older and can deal with my own little monster."  
"That seems like a very reasonable plan," I smiled. I didn't care about having a child of my own flesh and blood compared to having one that was his. I would give up my own fertility just so he could have his. "But what about if we love being parents so much that we want a third child?"  
"We'll flip a coin to see whose child it will be," L chuckled, kissing my neck. I felt my heart leap at the sound. We hadn't laughed in a long time, it seemed. I turned in his arms and moulded myself into him, not ever wanting to be apart. I wanted to wake up, and have all of this be a dream. I would wake up, and L would be there, offering me a glass of water after finding myself to be parched from a night of passion. He would smile, and it wouldn't have to be forced.

"What do you want to do?" he murmured into my hair, hands lightly rubbing my back. I wanted to turn back time.

I buried my face deeper into his chest, feeling more tears come. When would the flood stop? How could I have more tears to spare? Hadn't I cried myself out yet? L stroked my hair gently, holding me as tightly as he possibly could, and together, we sunk down onto the tiled floor, holding onto each other, two people lost and adrift, clinging to each other as our only hope. I felt him tremble, felt his lips shake as he kissed my forehead and tried to smother his own sobs. I stared at his collarbone as I felt him shudder, afraid to look up at him and see the despair I might find there. I needed L to be strong, and he needed me.

"Light...please...look at me," he whispered in my ears, his breathing shallow and quick. I slowly looked up into his eyes and saw how terrified he was. "Please...tell me everything...is going to be okay."

I inhaled a sharp breath. In a small moment, everything could change. This change, where L finally needed me, was frightening and it had been all I'd ever wanted, for L to need me as much as I needed him, but now it seemed I was just selfish and couldn't bring myself to support him like he needed to be supported. I kissed the tip of his nose.

"Everything is going to be fine," I promised, growling it from between my teeth savagely. I had to make it true. "Everything is going to be fine, you'll see. It'll be over before you know it. You just need...to be patient." I swallowed down the lump in my throat. "You've got nothing to be scared of."

"I'm not scared of death," he whispered, confessing. "I'm scared of leaving you alone. I don't want you to be lonely. I don't want you to have to go through the pain of losing me."

"Have you...written a name down in the Death Note?"

"No. Not yet."  
"If you don't, then we won't be able to be together in the next life," I told him, my voice rising. "I can't live life without you knowing that I won't see you when I die, either."

"If I'd put a name down, and I died...would you kill yourself? Just to be with me?" he asked, eyes searching mine for the truth.

"I would kill myself a thousand times," I vowed, holding his face between my hands.

"I don't want you to. I want you to try and live life without me and die naturally," he murmured. "I want you to live, Light. We'll have eternity together in the afterlife, I don't want you giving up your life just to be with me. I can wait. I'll be watching over you until your time comes."

"Stop talking," I scowled, fighting back tears. I covered his mouth with my hand. "Don't." He nodded slowly, and rested his head on my shoulder, hugging me tiredly. "You should get some rest," I mumbled, tugging on a lock of his hair. I helped him to his feet and crawled into bed with him, making a warm nest under the blankets. We watched each other for a few moments in the semi-darkness, until I reached to stroke his cheek, urging him to close his eyes and sleep. It didn't take long for him to fall unconscious, and he was so still as he slept. I guiltily placed a finger under his nose every now and then...just to check...that he was still breathing.

***

"Give me the remote."  
Silence.

"Hey, dickhead, pass me the remote."

"Going to say 'please'?"

"No."  
"Then you can forget it."

I watched as Mello began to seethe, Matt looking pretty smug despite his own annoyed expression. Mello got off of the arm chair and marched to the television, changing the channel, and I noticed how Matt's eyes traced his rear guiltily. Why wouldn't they just fuck already? I almost laughed at Mello's fury when Matt just changed the channel back with the remote. Talk about teasing.

"Nishi, is this yours?" Uncle Matsu asked, carrying a red g-string as he entered the lounge room. I shook my head, wondering why he would have assumed they were mine.

"That's mine," Mello snapped, snatching it from Matsu's hand and shoving it in his pocket.  
"Yours as in you wear it...?" Matt wondered aloud, smirking. I could almost see the dirty thoughts just swirling around in his head.

"Yeah, you got a problem with that, you fag-hater?" Mello retorted, angrily.

"Well, actually, I do," Matsuda piped up, a little nervously. "You put them in with the whites, so now all the white towels and my socks are pink."  
"But isn't pink your favourite colour?" I pointed out, grinning.  
"There's a difference between professionalism and personal taste," Matsu sniffed, cheeks colouring. "I can't go to work wearing pink socks."

"No one would see them under your suit anyway," I told him, raising my eyebrows.  
"That's not the point, Richie!" Matsu burst, using my first name like he usually did when he was unhappy with me. I couldn't even remember when he resorted to using my preferred name.

"Take a chill-laxative for a second," I told him, raising my hand in an effort to shut him up. "Jeez. They're just socks. No one would care if you wore pink socks."

"What about the towels? I don't think Matt would use pink towels, because they might threaten his masculinity," Mello sneered. Matt rolled his eyes.

"At least I have masculinity, you blonde bitch," he replied bluntly. I stared, watching as Mello turned several different shades before he settled on just leaping onto Matt on the couch and pummelling him as hard as he could with his gloved fists. I settled back on my chair, quickly growing bored of their squabble and used the remote to change the channel to one I liked, noticing Uncle Matsu shaking his head as he left.

What would it take to get Mello and Matt to get together? Could I do anything to help them get over it? I would have to eliminate the girlfriends. That Nova and Maura. If they were in the picture, then Mello and Matt were going to get nowhere. Maybe I could do what they did in the movies, and set them up on a date together. Yeah, that'd work. I just had to get rid of Nova and Maura. Shame, because they were really nice, but Matt and Mello were family and clearly gay. I was not letting them become disgusting hetero hags. Ugh. Sure, I'd had some good times with women before, but there was no denying it. Guys were just more fun.

***

"Have fun on your trip!" Matsuda trilled, as he helped Watari put L's things into the back of the car. I wasn't sure if it was just my imagination, or if L looked like he was about to go to the slaughter. I noticed that Light clung to him constantly. So, that was what marriage was like. They couldn't even spend over a week without each other. Lucky Chikayo wasn't that clingy with me, though it did seem nice, to have someone worry about you that much...Fuck. I was getting mushy. Damn L and Light, they were rubbing off on me.

"Careful," I heard Light murmur to L, helping him into the car like he were some sort of old man. I snorted. Well, L was old than Light, wasn't he? Light was his little boy toy. Sure, I could see the appeal of an older man, and maybe I'd found that in Chikayo, because he was responsible, safe, a little old fashioned sometimes, even if he did resort to fucking me in toilets and was pretty hot headed at times like any other guy our age. And boy, did he have a nice body...he wasn't thin like L, he was lean, and his scar...simply badass.

"See you when you get back," I waved. The sooner they left, the sooner Matsuda could leave for work and I would have the whole place to myself and Chikayo, where I could fuck his little Twinkie brains out. Matt was already at work, and Mello had gone out for the day. I wasn't sure how long it would take Light to get back from seeing L off at the airport, but hopefully it was a good few hours, because I wanted some decent time with Chikayo. Some long, hard time with him.

"Do you ever get the feeling that something is watching you?" Matsuda asked me, as Watari drove off. I raised my brow.

"What?"

"You know...I've been thinking...the house might be haunted."  
"It's a pretty new building, Uncle Matsu, I'm pretty sure that no one has ever died in it yet."

"Maybe it was built on some sort of burial ground," he replied, eyes large as he began to convince himself. My stupid, childish, adorable uncle. I put my arm around his shoulders, a little amazed he was only just taller than me, but I was thinner.

"You know, I think I have a great place for you to live. It's got four, nice comfy, padded walls, some blunt crayons to make sure you don't hurt yourself and a warm, cosy jacket to wear," I told him, putting on the sweetest voice I could manage. I could almost see the cogs working in his brain and saw the recognition dawn on his face as he realised what I was implying. What a genius.

"Hey," he protested, shoving me away. I laughed at him and poked my tongue out. "I am _not _going crazy! Light thinks the same thing, too."

"Yeah, well, Light is a weirdo," I shrugged, turning back to go into the house.

"He says that if you feed the ghost apples, the ghost will be nice."  
"How would Light know that ghosts like apples?" I asked, wrinkling my nose at the stupidity of some people. Ghosts? I would only believe in ghosts if I saw one.

"Well, actually, did you know that Shinigami's love apples?" he replied, a grin spreading across his face. "That was one of the first clues we had when I was part of the Taskforce chasing Kira down."

"You don't think that maybe this ghost is a Shinigami instead?" I prompted, as we went into the kitchen. I playfully bit into an apple. Let's see if Matsuda's apple-loving Shinigami liked that.

"Well...don't tell anyone...but actually, Light was originally accused of being Kira," Matsuda whispered, as if there were someone in the house to hear. I began to choke on the apple.

_"What!?" _I spluttered. "No way!"

"He was L's first suspect, and he was under surveillance," Matsu confessed. "L went to confront Light without talking to anyone about it, and I found the video tapes of when they met. They...well...you _know_, and I couldn't just let it happen, so I showed the videos to the other people on the Taskforce."

"You saw L and Light fucking?" I asked, incredulous. He gestured at me to keep my voice down, and I rolled my eyes. Who was around to bloody hear me?  
"This is all confidential, but it doesn't really matter. Light only gave a partial confession to try and make L stay with him, and to keep the Taskforce happy and prove Light wasn't Kira, Light and L stayed together in a hotel and had Taskforce members rotate different shifts. L figured that if Light was Kira, then he wouldn't be able to kill anyone while he was being watched all the time. But criminals still died, proving Light wasn't Kira. I don't know why L even suspected him in the first place, I mean, Chief Yagami's son? The son of the man who was the head of Taskforce? I think L just wanted an excuse to get to know Light better. But if you think about it, it's kind of creepy, L putting all those cameras in Light's room and watching him...Oh! But I never told you any of this, okay? I could get into so much trouble!"

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," I promised, holding up my pinkie. Except maybe Chikayo. He would love this bit of information. "I promise I won't tell anyone, Uncle Matsu."

"Well, it doesn't really matter that much anymore, I mean, Kira is dead, right? It was announced and everything, no more criminals are dying. Light isn't Kira, that's just stupid."  
"Well...Light isn't stupid, he's got a brain just like L's," I trailed off, thinking deeply. "And if you think about it, L never caught Kira, he sort of gave up and let Kira burn off by himself. Almost like Kira gave up..."

"You could have made a great detective if you didn't flunk school so much," Uncle Matsu snorted, messing up my hair. "You've got the brain for it, but here you are, you work in a clothing store."

"Well, I like to think I'm making the world a better place by doing what I do," I pointed out coolly.

"How do you figure that?" he asked, opening the fridge to get his bento lunch ready for work.

"Because I'm improving the way people look, thus reducing the number of poorly dressed people which reduces the number of single people, which means more sex is going on which then equals a happy society."

"You know, not everyone thinks about..._that_...as much as you do," he countered, flustered.

"What's 'that'? Give 'that' a name, Uncle Matsu," I teased.

"You know what I mean."

"I bet yours squeaks when it rises, Uncle Matsu, it's so rusty."

"Hey!" he protested loudly, bright red as I began to laugh. "That's none of your business!"

"It's okay, we're both men. I've never had your problem, but I'm sure it can be fixed with experience." I pulled out my phone. "Hey, I've got a few sympathetic friends I can put you with."  
"Shut up!" he shouted, covering his ears. "Go away!"  
"I think _you're _the one who is late for work already," I pointed out, still laughing. He looked at his watch and yelped before grabbing his bento and racing out of the house. I smirked and whipped out my phone, texting Chikayo. Hopefully he'd be able to come over, seeing as he had gotten a small job at a grocery store until he started university and took his engineering course.

Maybe I could get discounts from Chikayo if I bought food there. We were almost out of fruit, namely apples. There were always apples. I reached for one, before hesitating. _Did that apple just move? _I stared. I swear I'd just seen it twitch, as if someone or _something _had just poked it. It couldn't be...no way. Shinigami didn't exist...did they? Light wasn't Kira...was he?

"I'm going crazy," I muttered. "This place isn't haunted."

_Beep beep._

I jumped a foot in the air, before I realised I had just received a text. Nothing spooky about that. Excellent, a message from Chikayo. He'd be here soon. Excellent. Until he got here, I'd spite that stupid non-existent ghost. I grinned and reached for an apple, before I froze. The apple that had moved before...was gone. I blinked. No way. It couldn't be...I was imagining things...No way...  
I retracted my hand and sat there, stumped. Did I feel like I was being watched? Ugh. That was just stupid, there was no such thing as ghosts or Shinigami. That was ridiculous. Stupid Uncle Matsu.

I waited silently in the kitchen, freaking myself out with 'what if' kind of questions. What if it _was _real? Where had that apple gone? I'd only looked down to read the text before it had gone missing. What if I had imagined the whole thing? What if the apple had never been there in the first place? What if it was a different apple? There were only four, after all...  
I scruffed my hair in frustration. I was being stupid. There. Was. No. Such. Thing. I was just letting my imagination go wild. Apples that moved and disappeared...stupid. No such thing. As if Kira had sent a message saying Shinigami loved apples. Uncle Matsu was just playing tricks with me. But then...there was that message from that had been publicly broadcast from what appeared to be a second Kira, asking the first if they could show each other...their Shinigami. This was so crazy.

I raced to the front door when the bell rang and threw myself on Chikayo, trying to ignore how relieved I felt to know that I wasn't alone in the house anymore.

"Excited to see me?" he breathed huskily in my ear, warm arms wrapped around my waist, walking me back into the house. I nipped at his earlobe, licking his cheek.

"You bet," I murmured into his ear. We stumbled our way to my room, kissing and undoing buttons and zips as we went along. He laid me gently onto my bed, smiling down at me as he removed his shirt. I pushed down my pants, squirming, wanting some action. "Come here and touch me," I demanded, my stomach twisting with want. He complied and crawled onto the bed, over me on hands and knees as he kissed me. He moaned against my skin, the sound making me shiver, his fingers creating gooseflesh where he touched. His tongue lapped at my nipples, hair tickling me. I couldn't wait as I kicked my jeans off, wrapping my legs around his waist, pulling him close. I reached down and yanked his jeans down to his knees, pulling his boxers along with them and gasped, shuddering as his member rubbed against mine.

"Ngh! There, touch me _there_," I moaned, digging my fingers into his back. "Please, Chikayo."

"It's so...mmn...hot when you beg," he groaned, rocking his hips, grinding himself against me. I bit into his shoulder to muffle my moans, as he got harder and faster against me. I could see our reflection through the door that led to the bathroom, in the mirror above the sink. If there was a ghost...a Shinigami...would they be watching us right now? I cringed and buried my face into his neck. No way. There was _no _such thing.  
But it was too late. I was paranoid. I was imagine I could feel eyes on me, watching us, judging us. Fuck!

"What's up?" Chikayo breathed, noticing I was not responding. I sighed and screwed my eyes shut, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Let's go somewhere else," I told him, racking my brain for a decent excuse. "Mello said he might be dropping in home soon, and I keep thinking he might get here any minute," I lied. "Let's go anywhere but here."

"Are you sure?" he asked, smirking. "Since when do you care what Mello thinks?"  
"I haven't been able to stand having both of you in the same room together."

"Are you jealous?" he murmured, sucking on my bottom lip. "That's cute."

"Shut up. I just wish I'd never found out you two had fucked," I grimaced, stroking his hair. "Let's go. Let's get a hotel or something."

"You'd rather pay for some dingy hotel rather than take the chance that Mello might come home?"

"I've fucked in worse places than a dingy hotel," I snorted. "I'm the wild child my mother ditched, aren't I? And let's get a love hotel. Spice up our relationship a little." There was no way I was going to have boring missionary sex like Light probably did with L. I wasn't going to let him rub off on me and become another boring hag.

"You want to spice up our relationship?" he questioned, sitting down gently on my stomach. "I didn't know it had gone mild."

"I just want to get out of here," I sighed, reaching between his legs and stroking him lightly. God help me if a Shinigami really was watching my every movement. He moaned quietly, biting his lip before leaning down to kiss me.

"Okay. We'll go to a love hotel, then. But let's make it a date, and build up some anticipation for tonight," he murmured against my cheek. "I want to go out with you on a date. I want to take you out to dinner. I want to walk with you in a park at night."

"Walking through parks at night is dangerous," I teased, kissing the tip of his nose. He grinned.

"I was thinking I'd get myself a weapon, and you could help me pick it out. I mean, I'd hate to get a colour you didn't like."

I did a double-take. "You're getting a gun?"

"I'm pretty sure a dildo is pretty much as threatening," he smirked, nipping my lip. I blinked, letting my heart settle down for a moment, before I laughed.

"Let's go shopping, then!" I burst, pushing him away and fixing up my clothes. He chuckled at my enthusiasm and picked a bag off the floor.

"Put some clothes in it, because I'm going to be fucking you all night," he told me casually, tossing the bag to me. I grinned broadly and stuffed in some clean clothes before slinging it over my shoulder and taking his hand, pulling him as quickly as I could out of the creepy house. We took a bus into the thicker part of the city, where I quickly located some stores that had me licking my lips eagerly. Just the very idea of _Chikayo _doing something so kinky...

"Can I help you?" a saleswoman asked, as we entered one of the shops.

"Just looking," I told her, brushing her off. Her skills needed work. Honestly, the customer never appreciated someone so forthright like that. I was considered one of the best salespersons at my store, it was just that I often took 'sick days' and turned up late that I wasn't promoted, not that I wanted to be. I was happy with the job I had. It was easy, and got me money.

Chikayo and I looked up at the walls which were covered with merchandise which all had the purpose of sexual pleasure. Fake breasts, blow up dolls, fake bottoms, a whole range of flavoured lubricants...It seemed the variety was endless.

"What do you think about that?" Chikayo grinned, pointing at a display case that held a group of mannequins dressed in leather outfits. We had fun browsing, having sword fights with some of the 'toys' and mucking around with the different kinds of handcuffs, before we settled down, getting a stern warning from one of the staff that we'd be kicked out.

"Body chocolate..." Chikayo mused, looking at one shelf. I pulled out a package of a pair of dice. One had things such as 'lick', 'suck' and 'touch' while the other had different body parts. There were some that were glow-in-the-dark. Those would be fun to play with...

"Do ribbed condoms make much of a difference?" Chikayo wondered aloud, looking at the huge rack of different condoms, from the joke 'extra-large' and 'extra-small' kinds to flavoured and textured.

"Not really," I told him, picking up a candy g-string. "Doesn't feel any different."

"If you're jealous of Mello and I together, then times that by a thousand," he sighed, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I hate that you've had so many, and I wasn't any of them."

"None of them measured up in many ways compared to you," I smiled, kissing his cheek. "And I never trusted any of them like I trust you." I waved my arm at the display of dildos. "Which ones do you like?"

"There's so many...Some are just way too big, some are just embarrassingly small...I like those ones that flash colours, but the ones that move seem interesting..." he trailed off, inhaling the smell of my hair. "What would your uncle think if he saw you in here?"

"He still can't get over the fact I'm dating a boy."

"He probably can't get over the fact you're _dating_," he corrected, amused. That was true enough. I hadn't been in that many relationships, because I'd been too involved in the 'making' of love, rather than the 'love' part. In fact, I'd never really understood what 'making love' meant until I met Nishi. Before him, it was all just sex. With him, it was different. I trusted him with anything.

I turned in his arms and kissed the scarring that covered his cheek, and licked his bottom lip, before kissing him. Yes. Chikayo was one of a kind, and I knew I'd probably never meet anyone like him.

But what about Light? Could I really say I'd met Kira? No way he was Kira...but who else was as smart as L? What if L really had caught Kira...and had fallen in love with him?

"Hello...? Nishi?" I blinked to see Chikayo watching me closely, amused. "You looked like you were some other planet or something for a moment there."

"Oh. I was just thinking," I told him, flushing. Was it crazy to think Light was Kira?  
"About...?" Chikayo inquired, raising his brows at my silence. Quick. Think of a lie. Fuck.

"Um...." Great. That was the most perfect lie ever invented. Good one, Nishi. Real smooth.

How do you tell your boyfriend that you suspect his best friend is Kira? All the evidence seemed to point at it. Light was smart, he was married to the man who was in charge of the Kira investigation, his dad worked in law enforcement so he would have been subjected to a lot of stuff about justice as a kid...And I swear I'd seen that apple disappear. If that was the work of a Shinigami, and Kira had made so many references about a Shinigami, then...Crap. There was no way. Shinigami did not exist. Light Yagami was definitely _not _Kira and I did not see an apple move or disappear. That was crazy talk. If I told Chikayo this, I was _bound_ to be sent to the nut house. What if...I talked to L about it? L wasn't that judgemental, and if I worded everything carefully...All I needed to know was if Light was Kira. I wouldn't say anything about it, though, it was just this curiosity of mine. I just _had _to know. How would I word it to L though?

_Oh, by the way, L, I hope you don't mind me asking, but would Light just happen to be the god of the new world?_ _It's just that I saw an apple disappear this morning and it made me start to think..._

Yup. I was sure L would spill his guts for sure.

"Chikayo...do you think I'm crazy?" I asked, looking into his eyes, worried. Seriously...apples disappearing into thin air...Maybe I'd just imagined the whole thing.

"Yeah, of course I think you're crazy," he smiled fondly, stroking my wild hair. I grimaced. This was going no where.

***

Hey, fangirls, fan boys and fantrans! It's amazing how many of you there are. New count has produced 150+ people who have my story on "Story Alert". Isn't that just _amazing_!? I feel like Kira with all his little Kira Worshippers. All I need is my own television show and a shinigami! I have a Death Note (I was so disappointed when it didn't work) which is totally awesome! There have been a ton of you wonderful, gorgeous people who have stalked me on Deviantart which is totally awesome, because I'm always updating on there, and I comment faster on that site than on . But don't worry, I haven't been on lately, but I always answer every review I get, even those ones that are only three words like "I love it". So, if I haven't replied to people yet, I'm getting there!

Anyways, I'm trying to pluck up the courage to make bacon and eggs for breakfast. See, making toast is like a mission to Mars for me. I get out all the protective gear and the hocky mask with pink oven gloves...just to make peanut butter on toast. I am the worst cook in the world, but I can make some awesome two-minute noodles. That's about all I can make. You know who is a Death Note fan when they say "Oh my Kira!" without thinking and yell it out during English when you've just spilt white-out over all your favourite pens...Maybe writing DN fanfiction is bad for me XD

Anyway, it was pretty much Chikayo and Nishi orientated this update, because we haven't heard from them in a while, and hopefully we'll be seeing a lot of the other people we haven't heard from. There's really not a lot I could have done for L and Light during this time, and I needed Nishi to move the plot ahead. Hopefully none of you mind, and hey, without them, there'd be no lemons, because L needs to take it easy. And so, now it's time for....

DUN DUN DUN....AUTHOR QUESTIONS!!! *confetti goes everywhere*

1. What do you think of this chapter?

2. Happy about Chikayo and Nishi's spotlight here?

3. Nishi is going to help Mello and Matt get together. With Light also doing what he thinks is best, it can only be messy! Any thoughts on this?

4. For your information, Ryuk was _not _watching them make out, but he did eat the apple. Anyone thought otherwise? What then were your reactions? Hahaha, I'm laughing at those that imagined that.

5. Anything else you'd like to mention?

Okay, well that's it for today! Bye! *waves wildly*


	16. Chapter 16

I paced. I paced. I paced.

I wondered how there could be no traces of my journey, no path worn into the linoleum floor. If someone had news, wanted to find me, how could they find me, if there was no evidence that I was here?  
"Light, please, calm down," Watari bid me, carrying two cups of what I suspected to be coffee. "Look at yourself. If you don't calm down, the nurses are considering sedating you."

"Good, let them," I told him, ignoring at how my hand shook violently as I took the offered drink. "I can't bear this. I'm so exhausted, but I can't sit down. I can't stop...I can't stop moving, and if I fall asleep, what if...what if someone wants to find me? What if something happens? What if L needs me...?"  
"I'd be sure to wake you," he told me, calm and assuring. I shook my head.  
"No. No, you might fall asleep. I can't...I can't fall asleep...I have to wait. I have to wait for him."

Coffee. Caffeine. That would be good for me. It would keep me awake, alert. I brought the liquid to my lips, but burnt my tongue. I yelped, dropping the cup and spilling the contents everywhere. Tears filled my eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I blubbered, wishing that someone would just _hit _me, instead of this constant empathy that I was receiving. I needed someone to prove that I was still alive, I wasn't dead and this waiting was my eternal punishment for all that I had done. I searched my pockets frantically for a handkerchief or tissue to wipe up the mess I'd made.

"Light, please. Sit down," Watari told me forcefully, taking my shaking wrist and guiding me down onto one of the chairs. "I'll clean that up. The surgery won't be finished for a long time yet, and you won't be able to see L for a while after that. You need to rest, you need some _sleep_. You need to be calm for L."

Calm? Calm, I'll give him fucking calm! How could he be so calm? Didn't he know that L was in that theatre, getting his stomach ripped out of him!? Was hooked up to machines and had drugs that were flooding his veins? It could be the end for L, and he wanted me to _sit _and be _calm _about it? The tears began to spill down my cheeks. I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't protect L from _anything. _He had suffered so much because of me. I was no good for him. I was bad luck, just like Ryuk had promised when I had first acquired the Death Note. The Death Note would bring me suffering, but I hadn't imagined it would affect me like this. It was hurting those around me, the ones I loved...It was hurting L. That was the suffering I was enduring, the suffering was the agony of knowing I had caused this to happen. I should never...have...Why? This wasn't fair...He was _Lawliet_, he was my one and only love! What if...what if he didn't survive this? How could I live? There I was again! I was being so selfish, thinking only of myself! I just wanted this to end. I couldn't take anymore.

***

"This place is so expensive," I grumbled, looking at the menu.  
"I know, but I don't care," he grinned, reaching for my hand across the table. A romantic evening, that's what he wanted. But did going broke really fit into the romantic category? I would be happy with just Korean barbeque with some fried green onions or something, instead of this candlelit dinner affair. It just wasn't my kind of scene. I let him entwine his fingers in mine, when I smiled at him from under my eyelashes.

"You looking forward to desert?" I asked, in a voice that was loud enough so only he could hear.

"You know I am," he smiled, licking his upper lip teasingly. I smiled seductively back, biting my lip, letting out a breathy moan.

"Don't get us kicked out," he warned from under his breath, as a waiter walked past. I rolled my eyes.

"That's a good thing. If we get kicked out, we can get to the best part of tonight sooner," I pointed out, feeling less hungry as I contemplated how I would willingly fuck him on the table right here and now if could. I checked my phone for the millionth time.  
"Are you expecting a call?" Chikayo asked, noticing. I nodded, frowning.

"I texted L, but he hasn't texted back yet. He usually always replies as quickly as he can."

"Well, he's probably asleep. You know he's been pretty tired lately and he's been on a plane for a good few hours."  
"You've got a point," I mumbled, putting the phone away and shaking off the feeling that something just wasn't quite right. "I've tried texting Light to see if he's heard from L yet, but he isn't answering either."  
"Well, he's probably at work," Chikayo pointed out, smiling over his glass of water.

"He doesn't start work until tomorrow," I told him, tapping my nose with a finger. "And Matsuda says Light isn't home yet. So, where is Light, and why is his phone turned off?"

"He's probably at the movies with a friend or something. There's plenty of reasons," Chikayo laughed, kissing the back of my hand. "You remind me so much of Light, sometimes."  
"I do? How?" I asked quickly, terrified. Me? Like Light? No way!

"He always wanted to be a detective, and his dad is one, so he was always kind of nosey. Always asked questions all the time, trying to get the full story. Just like you. Your uncle is a detective, too, right? You could be in the police force if you wanted."

"You know, somehow I don't think the police force would accept piercings with their uniform," I smiled, relieved. At least Chikayo didn't think I was becoming soft and lovey-dovey like Light with his stupid marriage. Marriage ruined things like soap ruined dishwashing liquid or anchovies ruined a perfectly good salad.

"Mmn...though, seeing you in uniform would be interesting," he murmured, eyes glinting with telltale signs. He wanted me bad. I grinned teasingly at him.

"Is that so, huh? Well...maybe being a police officer wouldn't be _that _bad..."

"Would you both like to place your orders, sirs?" a waiter asked, smiling politely. Okay, I'll have one Chikayo bent over the table, no onion.

"Uh..." I trailed off, once again, lost for something decent to say.

"I'd like to try the vegetarian dish," Chikayo smiled at the man. I scowled, noticing how the waiter was unable to hold back the disgusted curiosity of what had become of Chikayo's precious face. Chikayo's smile became slightly forced, his eyes clearly showing how much he hated the stares. "What do you want, Nishi?"

"Uh..." I glanced down at my menu, at a complete loss. "Um...Recommend anything?"

"The seafood platters are popular," the waiter smiled, still watching Chikayo in the corner of his eye. I gritted my teeth as I picked a meal at random, just to get the stupid, biased, ignorant guy away from my perfect, caring, beautiful boyfriend. Sometimes I forgot how much of a novelty Chikayo was with half of his face covered in scars, it was something I'd grown used to, like a haircut or a new freckle. I didn't find it ugly at all.

I squeezed Chikayo's hand, wishing I could make everything better for him. I hated how sometimes, he would wake up after a nightmare about what had happened. He'd wake up crying, and he would be so frightened and jumpy about it...He had never gone back to the school to retrieve any of the things there, and he had trouble being in alleyways or car parks when it was getting dark. I never told him how much it hurt me to see him like that, how much it hurt to know that he was still afraid, deep down. He would never get over it, and every time he looked in a mirror, he would be reminded of it.  
"Vegetarian food, huh?" I tried to prompt him, giving him a smile. "Going on a diet or something?"

"I've never been much of a meat person," he shrugged, toying with a spoon. "Just don't like the taste of it that much. I've always been into healthy food since I first started playing tennis. Eating fruit and stuff all the time...I was better than Light, probably because he ate chips and junk food all the time. Except, he's got really clear skin...he's always been like that...perfect in every way."

"Perfect? You've got a twisted idea of what's perfect," I snorted. I rested my palm on my chin, gazing at him, admiring what I believed to be the incarnation of perfection. "Did I ever tell you, that when I was ten, I had my first kiss? It was with this boy, Takun, and we'd lived in the same apartment block as kids. I had this really huge crush on him, but I never said anything."

"What did he say?" Chikayo asked, curious. I had been 'out' a longer time than he had...I had to keep reminding myself that it was all new to him.

"His fists said it all, really," I shrugged, sipping my drink. "My nose got the message pretty quickly, but I told my Mum we'd just been fighting over games and stuff as usual. I never talked to him again after that. Last I heard, he was peddling drugs under this bridge where I had my first fuck."

"Colourful childhood," Chikayo grinned, kissing my knuckles absently. "So, were you close friends?"

"Not really, I mean, we sort of grew up together, but we never hung out in the same crowds or anything...We'd play at each other's places, play games on his old Sega and race our bikes around the block...At school, we didn't even acknowledge each other. I was the kind of kid who hung around the corner, watching him and wishing I was brave enough to say something."

"No way," Chikayo snorted. "You've got the biggest 'I-don't-give-a-fuck'attitude out of anyone I know."

"It's true," I insisted. "I was a real pussy as a kid."

"You kissed him eventually though, so you finally became the bad ass Nishi I know."

"Yeah. I kind of got sick of myself being such a freaking girl about it, so I finally plucked up the courage and planted one on right on him. In the end, I figured it wasn't worth the broken nose, so I ditched him and decided I never wanted to hide in any stupid closet ever again. I cared too much about what people thought of me and the only person I had to impress was myself."

I watched him brush his fingers softly over his cheek, his eyes full of pain. I wasn't sure if that pain would ever go away. His 'opening up' to his sexuality had been so much harder than it had been for me. When I had finally come out, people weren't really surprised. And it wasn't like I was totally gay, I was screwing girls just as often, but here I found myself with a guy whom I didn't want to change in any way.

I reached over and covered his hand with my own on his warped cheek, giving him a warm smile. "You can either fuck or get fucked," I reminded him, giving him one of the mottos I had always lived my life by. Of course, I'd always privately questioned it. I was both for being uke and seme.

"Paper scissors rock for who gets to top tonight?" Chikayo asked, a teasing smile on his lips. I grinned.  
"You're giving me a chance for once, instead of just doing me anyway? That's nice." I held out my hand near his, as we recited the common words. "Paper, scissors, rock." I turned my hand into a fist, representing rock, and let out a 'ha' of glee when he had just one finger out. "Rock beats scissors, you lose," I gloated. "I'm top tonight."

"Nope. Scissors is two fingers, I only used one. That means my dick in your ass," he grinned, poking his finger through the gap created by my thumb and fingers that I supposed could be representative of the anal passage.

"That's okay," I murmured, leaning forward, watching as he did so also. I could barely reach, but I managed to peck his lips. "I was going to let you anyway." It was the way we always did things...sure, Light and L probably did it the same way every time, but I had to admit...it felt nice to have this familiar pattern, a familiar way of doing things. I was getting comfortable with the idea...of being Chikayo's uke.

***

"Nng!" I pushed the hair out of my face, gasping for breath. I dug my fingers into his shoulders, and I didn't care if I was hurting him, I just wanted more. He pounded hard, teeth gritted yet his eyes locked on me, full of hunger and a want to give me my every pleasure. "Ah! Chi-Chi...Chikayo!"

His fingers were holding my hips so tightly, but I was in too much ecstasy to tell whether it hurt or not. We were in a love hotel, but we had ignored the large, circular bed that was covered in a sleek red satin, and had just made do with the table against the wall, which was the perfect height for Chikayo to just slam into me in just the right ways. We hadn't even stopped to look at the rack of costumes in the cupboard, we'd been too eager for each other, too wanting.  
He trembled as he came, throwing his head back and gasping, sending me to my own peak. I slumped on the table, panting for breath, with Chikayo kissing the insides of my legs, smiling up at me. "I love you," he said quietly, as if hoping I both would and wouldn't hear him. I ran my fingers through his hair, and pulled him up for a kiss.

"I love you too," I whispered, feeling light headed. Saying 'I love you' wasn't so hard, I didn't have to force it out at all.

"Let's move in together," he murmured, kissing the corner of my lips, his eyes ready for my rejection. He knew it would be hard for me to promise myself to him like this, knew that I didn't want to take the chance of ruining a perfect thing. But I didn't find it so adverse anymore. I wanted more of this. I wanted to wake up every morning to him, I wanted to go home after work and have him there. I wanted to spend every moment with him. Was that the kind of love L and Light shared? True love? I wanted to reject the idea. There was no such thing as that kind of love, and there was no way I wanted to delude myself, and open myself only to have my heart shattered. But I knew I was already too far in. I knew I had fallen in love, and it was this boy, who had never had the chance to have a proper relationship with anyone before and who had been hurt when he had finally come out and had the chance to be who he was. This man who knew me better than I sometimes knew myself, who loved me no matter what. He had changed me, no matter how much I had tried to deny it.

"I love you," I said, kissing him and smiling. "I love you, I love you." I loved saying this, loved how it made me feel and loved how it made Chikayo blush. "I love you, so much. I love you, Chikayo, I love you."

"So...you'll live with me?"

"Yes," I grinned, kissing his forehead. "I can't baby-sit my uncle and live with the two love-birds for the rest of my life. I want to live with you, Chikayo Karasuma, because I love you and I want to be with you."

"But...but..." he seemed shocked. I smiled and kissed his lips gently, sucking on his bottom one.

"But nothing. I don't want to be like some married pair of homos, but if it feels good, do it and that's what I want to do. I want to live with you."  
"What if it doesn't work out?"  
"It will." I had sold my soul to the devil by falling hopelessly in love with this man, and it felt so wonderfully right. Everything I used to be against...love, marriage, commitment...I was starting to want, and even though it was frightening, I couldn't fucking wait to taste it with him.

***

_I ran forwards, stumbling after him. I could see his back, saw the blue of his hair until the branches shielded him from view as he passed. "Come back," I pleaded, reaching for him. "Please, come back!" I dashed through the thicket, and skidded to a halt as I came to the edge of a cliff, leading to a dark abyss. Emptiness. Nothingness. Certain death._

_I fell to my knees. Where was he? I had lost him. It was all over. How could I have let myself fall behind? I ran my fingers through my hair, and felt something strange. I pulled my fingers away and looked at them, to see blood red strands covering them, twisted around my fingers. My hair? I ran my fingers through my hair a second time, and got the same result. My hair. My hair was falling out! These blood red strands were my hair, and it was falling out in clumps! I screamed in horror and threw the shreds of hair over the edge of the cliff, burying my face into my arms. No! No! Why was this happening? How could my hair be falling out? Was I sick? Was there something wrong with me? The man with blue hair. He knew! He knew what was wrong with me, but he wouldn't tell me! I had to find him, but I had lost him. I would never know now. I couldn't be saved.  
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I looked up into the eyes of the blue haired man. It was L. He smiled. "What are you doing here, Light? You're not supposed to be here."_

_"Where am I?" I asked, holding his hand tightly, desperate to keep him here. What if I lost him? I had to ask him what was wrong with me. I had to ask him before anything could happen. I didn't have time. I had to get the words out, I had to ask him, but I couldn't control myself. The words wouldn't come. If I didn't ask, I would become lost. I would die. It would all be over._

I woke with a start, jerking up in the chair as if I had received an electric shock. L looked over and smiled at me, looking awfully pale. "Sleep well?" he asked softly.

"I had a weird dream," I shrugged, rubbing my eyes to hide the fact I was so relieved I had gotten out of that nightmare. But then...wasn't this reality more of a nightmare? "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," he replied, giving a small smile. "Just really tired."

I swallowed. If he went to sleep...would he wake up? I looked at his body, which was attached to an IV where he was receiving the anticancer drugs intravenously, the drugs travelling around his body through his bloodstream. Chemotherapy was designed to be used with surgery to slow the tumour growth, and hopefully kill any remaining cancer cells. Some people didn't consider the side effects to be worth being cured of cancer. It scared me that his heart could weaken, or his immune system could fail drastically. The drugs could be toxic for him.

"Lawliet..." How could I make him promise to wake up? I didn't even want to think about it, about him not waking up. He stroked my hair lightly, able to reach me as I sat beside his bed and had my head resting on his mattress.

"Light, would you get me a glass of water, please? My mouth is dry," he murmured. I got a plastic cup from the bedside table and filled it, passing it to him. He drank it quickly, but ended up coughing it up, before vomit began to dribble down his chin. Before I could do anything, he had vomited into his lap, tears filling his eyes, nose wrinkled in disgust at himself.

"Here, let me clean you up," a nurse said patiently, briskly striding through the door, having been gone for a moment. I felt useless, unable to do anything. L stared hatefully, avoiding my eyes, his face flushed. I knew he didn't want me to see him so sick.

I helped the nurse move him, as he was too weak and tired to move himself, and wiped him over with a damp face washer, but still the smell of bile remained.

***

"Are you okay, Light? You've got the biggest bags under your eyes," Uncle Matsu noted, as Light buttered some toast.  
"You're starting to look like L," I teased, sitting at a game of chess with Matt. I guess it wasn't the best idea to play a game of chess against L's third successor. I was being flogged mercilessly and he was paying more attention to his PSP than to the board. I supposed Matt could be number one if he just put effort into it.

"JEEVAS!" Mello roared, stomping into the kitchen. "Jeevas! What the fuck did you do to my underwear?" Matt looked smugly up from the game, as Mello brandished a pair of briefs that had a hole cut out in the front of them. "You cut a hole in every pair of my undies!"

"What do you care? You barely wear them anyway," Matt said, moving a piece on the chessboard. "And it wasn't me."

"Like fuck it wasn't you!" Mello barked, pushing the board onto the floor. "What, think I didn't have enough ball space?"

"You don't have any balls," Matt snorted, rolling his eyes. "Why would I cut holes in your undergarments?"

"I don't know why, you stupid selfish prick! You're the one who did it, so you tell me!"

"Can you prove it was me?" Matt challenged, folding his arms. Mello ground his teeth.  
"Who the fuck else would do it?"

I saw the bowl of apples in the corner of my eye. Would the shinigami...? No. Why did that even come to mind? But I couldn't shake the feeling that there was a presence in this room, that was currently laughing its ass off at Mello's red face.

I heard the door ring, and got up to answer it, wondering if Chikayo had forgotten the pass-code to get into the house. Matsuda had changed it recently, which was a pain.

"Richie," a tall, dark haired man said, looking at me closely as he stood on the doorstep. He had a small nose, pale blue-grey eyes and wore an expensive business suit...and he looked vaguely familiar. I hadn't seen him since I was eleven, when I had sworn I would never see him ever again. "I got your address from your mother. She hasn't spoken to you in months."

"What are you doing here?" I asked, my heart pounding in my ears, at a loss. What did he want? After all these years, what was he doing here?

"I wanted to see you. I haven't seen you in so long, Richie." The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. "You're all grown up."

"That's what years do to people, I guess," I mumbled, looking down at my feet.  
"It's been a long time, hasn't it? Are you going to let me in?" he asked, putting his hands in his pockets, crinkling his perfect suit. I had promised I would never be like him. I wouldn't be a businessman. I wouldn't live in the model house and live the model lifestyle. I would be a filthy bum if it meant I wouldn't be like him. I stepped aside and let my father into the house, unable to look at him, feeling the childish sense of fear that maybe I wouldn't live up to his expectations.

I led him into the kitchen, where Mello and Matt were out of sight, Light quietly eating some toast while reading the newspaper and Matsuda was busy frosting a cake. He looked up at the guest, and it took him a moment to recognise him.

"Mr Nishimura!"  
"Touta Matsuda, it's been some time," my father smiled, giving him a slight bow. "Is this your house?"

"No, its Light's. Light, this is Ryosei Nishimura, Richie's father. Mr Nishimura, this is Light Yagami," Matsuda introduced. Light inclined his head to my father.

"It is a fine house, but you're very young for a home owner," my father smiled.

"It belongs to my husband, Hideki Ryuuga, really," Light answered, a strange glint in his eyes. "He's abroad at the moment, working."

"Your...husband?" my father repeated, a little confused. Light nodded slightly, turning almost moodily back to his toast.

"Would you like a drink, Mr Nishimura?" Uncle Matsu asked, trying to distract him.

"Touta, we have known each other for years, please call me Ryosei," my father told him, pasting a smile on his face.  
"Sure," Matsu smiled back, sheepishly. "Would you like a drink?"

"No, thank you," my father replied, taking a seat. "I would just like to talk with my son and catch up with him."

"That's nice. Family bonding."  
"Want to go to the living room, then?" I offered, thinking it would be more private there. If I was going to break down, I didn't want to do it in front of Light or Matsuda.

"If you feel more comfortable there, then sure," my father answered, following me. I sat down on the arm chair L often frequented, leaving him to sit on the couch. "So, tell me, Richie, what have you been up to all these years? You've finished school, so what kind of career are you pursuing?"

"I've got a job at a clothes store."

"A clothing store? And you're studying?"

"No. I'm not going to university or anything. I'm just...working," I told him, looking at my hands, red faced. Why did I feel this way? I felt like a child, like he was checking my report card and I had failed all of my subjects.

"I thought I'd offer you a job, Richie, if you needed one."  
"Please...don't call me that," I mumbled. "Everyone calls me 'Nishi'." I hated how weak I was in front of him. In front of my father.

"Nishi? You kept my name, then. I always thought...that one day you would change your last name, to erase me."

I shrugged. I had always told myself I would, but secretly, I knew I never could, which was why I had taken up the shortened name of 'Nishi'. As much as I hated him...he was still...my...father.

"So...why did you lose contact with your mother?" he asked. "She says she hasn't seen you since she took you to live here with her brother."

"I...got sick of her, and she was sick of me. I was skipping school...and I just wanted to leave home..."

"Yes, she did say you were a bit of a handful."

"Nishi! Hey, Nishi! I got you a present!" I heard Chikayo shout, coming through the house. He found me, and gave me a broad grin, until he spotted my father.  
"Chikayo...this is...this is..." I choked. Chikayo didn't need much prompting. It was clear who this was. I looked just like him.

"Your dad," he realised, staring. I nodded.

"I'm Ryosei Nishimura," my father smiled. "Are you a friend of Richie's?"

***

DUN DUN DUN!!! It's a pretty short chapter, I know, but this part wasn't planned. I needed some action. =_=; Anyway, what did y'all think? I could've stopped it at the part where Nishi opens the door and Ryosei is standing on the doorstep. Glad I didn't?

Guess what...over 160+ readers now! ^w^ Gosh, I'm full of myself! I'm just so proud that people are actually interested in Ryuk cutting the fronts out of all of Mello's grundies. XD

The stress is definitely getting to Light, anyway.

I can't think of many questions, other than what your general opinion as to Ryosei is and what you thought of Chikayo and Nishi's time together at the start of the chapter. No need to worry everyone, next chapter will be a lot more exciting (hopefully)!

So we have _this many_ plots to continue:

Mello and Matt getting together.

Getting rid of Misa.

Nishi's father.

L's cancer.

Pythagoras.

ARE THEY ALL CONNECTED? Sort of, but not really? We shall see in the next updates, now won't we? Bwahaha!! Now, I'm hoping to get you all the next update as soon as possible, but I've only got four weeks left of education, and you'll want to give me two weeks after that for schoolies, so that's a bunch of weeks where I won't have much time, so hopefully this chapter is enough to sedate you for a while! And if all else fails and you get the following symptoms:  
1. Constant drooling

2. Black and white vision

3. Daydreaming while you're asleep at night

4. Wearing green converse like Nishi

4 1/2. Impatience

5. Frustration

6. The burning desire to chain me to a desk just to write fanfiction

Please consult a doctor, go to a vending machine and purchase some patience or just re-read my fic (but it seems like a lot of you have been doing that, which deserves thumbs up).

Hands up if you've read my fic more than once so far. I can count at least five people that have read it more than once, I think. But anyway...^^ Remember, I love reviews!! The more reviews I get, the more inspired I might be to update as soon as I can...(MWUAHAHAHA! I feel like all the other fanfic writers who threaten to never write any more until they get like, ten reviews, but don't worry, I'm not like that ^^ I get like, over fifteen per chapter...I'm not greedy..._much..._)

So, over and out, you beautiful people! All my love, -44

P.S. I've gotten a lot of feedback throughout the writing of Death Note Dreaming, about how you all can relate to the characters and can understand them. I'd like to hear more about this, I'd love to hear what you all think of the characters as individuals. Can you picture them as people? Do you care about them? (Hell, I'm having trouble trying to get this across *sigh*)


	17. Chapter 17

I splashed water in my face, reaching blindly for a towel to dry myself. I looked at myself in the mirror, examined the shadows under my eyes, the downwards set to my lips, the way my skin was so taut and my cheeks so sunken and I wondered...when had I become familiar with this face? This tired, emotionless, strained face? How had my reflection changed so quickly? How had my eyes become so masked, hiding away the pain and the doubt and the endless _fear _that wouldn't leave me? Could I become the Light that I was before? Could I ever learn to smile again? When this was all over, perhaps? But...would it ever end? It was starting to seem...like there was no way out and I was choking on it.

I reached out and touched the mirror, tracing the outline of my sallow skin, running a finger down my nose. I looked so ugly, so tainted and deformed. So disgusting. But it wasn't this weakness on the outside I hated so much, it was the weakness on the inside. I was powerless to ask him...I couldn't ask him to stay awake, to just stay that way, to stay with me. He had asked me, once.

_"Light." I opened my eyes, to see his face bowed, as if to hide how very vulnerable he looked right now. "Promise me, Light...that you'll stay here with me."  
I squeezed his hand as tightly as I could, struggling as I had little strength in my fingers to do so, before I settled back and drifted off to sleep. _

_Stay with you, L? Always._

Would he stay with me? I was so frightened that if I didn't pay enough attention, if I didn't hold his hand tight enough, he'd slip away. He'd be gone. He had almost lost me, but it had been outside forces that had threatened to tear us apart. Now, it was his own body that was killing him.  
I looked in the mirror one last time, flinching at the disgusting person I saw reflected there, before leaving to get dressed to spend another day at the hospital, praying that L would be okay. That he could survive just one more day with me.

***

"This is Chikayo Karasuma...my...my boyfriend," I stuttered. It didn't occur to me until after I had spoken that I could have lied to him. I could have told him that Chikayo was just a friend, but I was too used to broadcasting the fact, too used to being openly gay and flaunting it that denying something so natural was difficult for me.

"Boyfriend?" my father repeated, trying the word out on his tongue. "Then you're...?"

"I'm bisexual," I told him, reaching for Chikayo's hand for comfort, and to show that I was serious.

"I didn't expect...I suppose I should have, after meeting Mr Yagami...and seeing Touta again...I always suspected Touta was..._you know_..."

"Uncle Matsu has a girlfriend," I told him, feeling Chikayo's thumb rub the back of my hand as he sat on the arm of my chair. "She's really nice, she used to go to school with Chikayo."  
"Touta is dating a young girl then? How...quaint," my father replied, faintly. I saw how his eyes flickered to Chikayo's face, trying not to stare but unable to help his curiosity at the maze of scars. "The last I heard, you had a girlfriend, Richie...Nishi. What was her name...? Emiko?"  
"Enah," I answered, wrapping an arm around Chikayo's waist. "We broke up a long time ago, but we're still good friends."

"Well, that's good to hear...that you're still friends, I mean. Uh..." He seemed at a loss of things to say, before his gaze became fixed on me, and he studied my face. "You look just like a mixture of your mother and I...but Jacky looks just like you."

"Jacky?" I repeated, trying out the name on my tongue curiously. Who looked like me?  
"My other son," my father smiled. "He's fifteen this year. My wife is American, and she wanted to name our son after her deceased brother. Well, she grew up in America, but she has Japanese lineage..."

Jacky Nishimura. I had never seen my half-brother before, and I had never wanted to. As far as I was concerned, he was the reason why my parents had split up when I was a kid. My father had cheated on my mother...but then...my mother had never been entirely faithful, either. I hadn't thought about him in years. I had forgotten about him, because I didn't want to acknowledge his existence. I didn't want to see living proof of my father's part in breaking up what family I had once had. I had only been two years old...Jacky's mother hadn't told my father about the child she'd had until I was older, and he'd gone back to her...My father left my mother and me. He had left me, his first born son, only saw me a few days every year and sent me a card on my birthday. I remembered...when I was twelve...he had gotten me a card for an eleven-year-old. I had been so angry and upset that he couldn't even remember how old I was.

"He's a great kid, but terribly spoiled, I fear," my father informed me, his hands nervously working at the buttons on his cuffs, eyes watching me closely for my reaction. "I'm sure you both would get along fine."

"I don't want to see him," I said shortly, unable to help myself from squeezing Chikayo's hand angrily, forcing back the hurt tears. All of the hurt I had buried away for so many years bubbled up inside of me, made me sick with hate. "Why did you come here? Why all of a sudden do you want to see me? We haven't seen each other for years."

"I know I've made a lot of mistakes, Richie, you don't know how sorry I am. I haven't been a decent father for you at all, but I want you to know that I never stopped thinking about you. Raising Jacky, seeing him grow up, made me really realise how much I was missing out on. I missed out with lots of things with you. I should have been there for you. How could your mother show you how to be a man?"

I blinked away tears and grit my teeth. Was being gay something he thought my mother had instilled in me?

"I've kept this with me all these years. I've never stopped thinking about you, Richie." He pulled something out of his wallet and held it up for me. It was a picture of myself, when I was four, sitting on my father's lap as I blew out the candles from my birthday cake. "Your mother probably never told you, but I always kept in contact with her, trying to keep up to date about you, but I never spoke to you, because I thought you wouldn't want to talk to me, and I can understand your anger towards me. I know you blame me for your mother and I breaking up."

"It's not that," I ground out. "I was just a kid. I thought you two loved each other, and then you just left. You never came back. You never explained anything to me. You never cared, so I stopped caring."

"I never stopped caring about you, Richie-"  
"Don't call me, Richie!" I burst, holding my hands up to my face, as if I could somehow push the wave of tears back into my eyes. "Don't call me that!" I got to my feet, tearing my hand from Chikayo's, hating myself for being so weak and ran upstairs.

***

I hesitated, watching Nishi leave. I knew this was hard for him. I turned back to Mr Nishimura, biting my lip. He looked just as upset as Nishi. "I've messed things up so much," he breathed, covering his face with his hands, looking just like Nishi had just a moment ago.

"Mr Nishimura...just give him a bit of time. It's probably a bit of a shock for him, all of this," I pointed out, uncomfortable.

"I know. I should have rung, should have gotten his mother to ask him if he would see me, first. But I was worried he would say no. That he'd ignore me. I want to know my son," he sniffed, running his fingers through his dark hair. "I know he blames me for everything."

"Actually, for most of his life, he's blamed himself."

Mr Nishimura looked up at me, eyes glimmering, confusion on his face.

"As a kid, he's always wondered if he'd done something that made you leave...Maybe he wasn't a good enough son...He wanted a father and he thought the one he had didn't love him, so he was angry."

"I was young, and things weren't working at all between Reiko and I...She didn't want me near him, and I had another son with my current wife...I thought he would be okay without me. I thought I could raise Jacky as best as I could, to make up for missing out with Richie. I love being a father, and I regret never being there for Richie, like I should have been."

"Just give Nishi time to calm down and get used to it. He's pretty much convinced himself that you've been dead all these years," I explained, giving him a tiny, comforting smile. He flinched, and I felt the smile leave my face. My scars obviously affected him, and my smiling probably made them more grotesque. My hands balled into fists as I fought back my humiliation and hurt.

"Have you...been with Nishi for a while then? It sounds like you know him well."

"We've been together for a few months now. We're thinking about getting our own apartment, this place can get pretty crowded, and I'm tired of living with my parents." Because my stepfather couldn't look me in the face anymore and my mother was so overprotective.

"I see...Well, if you need help, I'd be willing to. I have some friends in real estate that could help you find a nice flat," Mr Nishimura offered. I almost gave him another smile, but thought better of it.

"That'd be great, but I don't think Nishi would like it so much. If you don't mind my asking...does his sexuality bother you? He's always wondered." Nishi had hoped his father was homophobic so he could piss him off further, by being the son nobody wanted. Except, Matsuda had started to take the place of a father...or perhaps he had taken the place of an older brother. As much as Nishi complained about how childish and immature Matsuda was, Nishi still loved him and was close with his uncle.

"Nishi being gay? Of course it bothers me, but I can't change that. Maybe if I had been around in his childhood more, I could have directed him...He needed a male influence...and I was never there to provide that..."

"Nishi would have turned out that way, whether you stayed with him or not. And besides, Nishi knows but doesn't wanna admit that it was probably better for him that you left his mum. Who'd want to grow up with your parents fighting all the time?"

"Nothing can forgive me for not being there for him. I just didn't want to face my problems."  
"Your son has the same thing."

"Chikayo! Get your arse upstairs! Leave that stupid fucking dero on the couch and let him show himself out!" Nishi roared from the top of the stairs. I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"I'm sorry about this. I'm just causing trouble," Mr Nishimura mumbled, getting to his feet. "It was nice meeting you, Mr Karasuma. I hope that the next time we meet, my son is more open to me. I have a business card with my phone number on it, would you give it to him if he changes his mind?"

"I'll do what I can," I promised, taking the card. I knew what it was like not to have a father around, and as much as I hated my own father for not being there for me, I would still take this opportunity and forgive him. I was lucky that even though my stepfather and I weren't close, we still considered ourselves to be family.

I escorted Nishi's father to the front door and watched him leave, before heading up to Nishi's room. "Why are you even being nice to that pathetic jerk?" he demanded as soon as I entered. "He doesn't deserve anything."

"Nishi, he's your dad," I pointed out, flopping onto his bed.

"No, he's not. He's nobody."

"Deep down, you still love him."

"How could I love him? He never loved me!" Nishi burst, covering his head with a pillow and screaming into it. I waited a moment before getting to my feet and embracing him, letting him cry silently into my shoulder. I rubbed his back gently, hating that he was so upset. I knew he hated crying openly, but he didn't seem to mind so much now, or maybe he was so distracted by the turn of events. He clung to my shirt tightly, trembling, trying not to sniff.

"I got you a present," I told him, remembering. I reached into my pocket and produced a small box, holding it up for him. "Don't worry, I barely spent anything on it." He hated me spending my money on him, which I could understand. I hated getting presents so much. I'd rather give than receive...in more ways than one.

Nishi wiped his eyes with his knuckles and took the box, frowning as he opened it slowly. "A ring?" he questioned, pulling the small silver piece of jewellery out. I smiled and slipped it onto his thumb where it fit perfectly. He admired the little silver skull on it, and kissed my lips gently. "Thanks, Chikayo."

"It looks like a bit of plastic carnival jewellery, but I'm pretty sure its real silver. Or silver plated. Or some other metal that's just been painted silver," I grinned. "I saw it in a window and thought you'd like it."

"I love it," he murmured, wrapping his arms around my neck. "You know my tastes far too well. But you don't have to go buying me everything you find."

"Well...actually, I didn't buy that just randomly," I admitted. "See, we're moving in together, and you gotta admit, we're serious about each other, aren't we? I mean, it may just be a bit of cheap junk, but you'd know what its for. I want you to wear it to show...that you're mine." I flushed, avoiding his eyes. I expected him to take it off, but he made no movement to throw it away.  
"We're not married, and legally, we'll never be able to...but this is enough for me," he murmured, kissing my lips. "I'll never take it off, on one condition."

"What's that?" I asked, surprised. He was accepting the ring?

"You get your tongue pierced. I don't want you wearing some crummy ring, I want something I can pull on and hurt you with if you so much as _glance _at another guy's ass."

I frowned and considered it. Nishi had a tongue piercing and it felt interesting and nice when he was both kissing me and blowing me. I already had my ear pierced, so why not my tongue? At least Nishi wasn't demanding a Prince Albert, at least I could handle a tongue piercing.

"Okay," I nodded. Nishi blinked.  
"I was joking, you know. You can wear a ring."

"No, I want a tongue piercing, like yours," I told him, kissing the tip of his nose. "You'll have to hold my hand when I get it done though."

"You know, I think tongue piercings are sexy," he breathed, leaning into me. I grinned and nipped at his bottom lip.  
"I think yours is sexy," I told him. He grinned and poked out his tongue, flaunting the little steel bar.  
"It hurts when I'm chewing on food and I bite it. Feels like my teeth will shatter," he shuddered. "And my tongue was swollen for three days, I sounded like a complete idiot. But you know what I always wanted done? Just at the base here," he told me, grasping his crotch. "Just in the right place, when you're slamming into a girl, it rubs her in just the right place and drives her crazy."

"Ugh, I don't want to think about that," I laughed, wrinkling my nose. He grinned and kissed me senseless, wrapping his arms around my neck. I loved the way he pressed himself to me, and tried to mould his body into mine, and I did all I could to try and merge us together, into one living, breathing thing. I kissed him, trying to make him forget all of the uncertainty and pain that his father had just caused him, I touched him, trying to fill his mind with thoughts only of me and I loved him, trying to make him understand just how much I couldn't bear the thought of losing him.

I figured love was a lot like trying to figure out how much you couldn't bear to lose someone. At the moment, if I lost Nishi, I would go crazy. I wouldn't know myself. If I lost him ten years from now, in our undecided future, would I still go as crazy? Would I miss him as much? As much as I didn't want to think about ever losing Nishi, I knew he was a big part of my life. He had arrived so suddenly and I didn't want to have him disappear just as abruptly.

Nishi was like a shooting star, delicate and beautiful, flashing across the night sky so quickly you weren't even sure you had seen it. He put all the other stars to shame with his intensity, and he didn't even know how brightly he shone. He was the only star for me. He cast a light that blocked out any other. And I was happy to never see any star ever again if I could keep him.

***

"What are you thinking about?" L asked me, toying with my fingers. I tore my eyes away from my watch and looked up at him.  
"Time," I told him simply. "When I was younger, I used to think I had so much time, so much that I didn't even know what to do with it all. If I was playing a game and I had to stop because it was getting late, there was always tomorrow. I could keep playing tomorrow. But now, I realise how much time I don't have anymore. How much time I've wasted, how much time I've got left. I can't stop playing, because I don't know if there's going to be a tomorrow anymore. I have to keep my eyes open, I have to stay awake, just in case tomorrow doesn't get here."

"You're not the one confined to a hospital bed," he reminded me gently, stroking my cheek. It felt so strange, to be lying on this bed with him, and knowing that I could get up and leave whenever I wanted, but he was trapped here by the invisible bonds of his own body. Or really, they weren't so invisible. He was so hollow, so skeletal and a deathly colour, his skin ash and bone coloured instead of the ivory creamy colour I loved. His lips were dry and thin and no longer tasted like strawberries. His eyes were dulled, they had lost the familiar glint of intelligence, as if his eyes weren't reflective of light anymore. It seemed that the only part of him that was L anymore was his heart. A small thing that beat like the fluttering of wings within the skin and bone shell that was crumbling to pieces. If his body gave away, could his heart still survive? Could I cradle it in my hands and keep him with me?

"You're drifting off again," he informed me, poking me in the forehead with a bony finger. "Are you going to tell me what you're thinking about now? Your irrelevant thoughts are all that are keeping me entertained, I'm afraid."

"I was thinking...that I love you," I sighed, closing my eyes and sinking back into his pillows, pretending to go to sleep. I felt him kiss my lips gently before he lay back also. I couldn't stand talking to him anymore. We couldn't talk about anything anymore. We couldn't talk about anything that didn't involve _this_. We couldn't talk about the future, because it was so uncertain. We couldn't talk about the past because it was too painful to think about and remember how much we meant to each other. We couldn't talk about the present, because _this _was the present. Everywhere I looked, this sickness, this prospect of losing L...I couldn't escape it and it was driving me mad. I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I didn't want to have to keep checking my watch to see how much time I'd wasted with him. Counting how much time I had left. I hated this uncertainty, this not knowing. I had always wondered, if I had the chance, would I want to know when and how I would die? No, I didn't. I didn't want to have to have that kind of pressure on me to live every day. To have no worries about anything until that day. But if I could see L's lifespan, would that make me happier? Knowing how much time I had left with him? And there was one person I knew who could see such things...

I sat up, heart pounding loudly in my ears. Ryuk had never made any mention of L's lifespan ever coming to an end any time soon, and Ryuk seemed very attached to him.

"Light?" L eyes watched me, alarmed. I ran my fingers jaggedly through my hair, before pushing myself off the bed and dashing for my scattered belongings on the table in the corner. Wallet, keys, phone. "Where are you going?"  
"Home. I just realised something. I'll be back soon." I raced out of the door, my feet striking the ground so repeatedly, like a pulse...Like a heart beat. I couldn't slow. I couldn't let that heart die.

***

I pushed Nishi gently down onto the bed, kissing his lips, crushing them to my own. He tangled his fingers in my hair, trying to draw me closer, his lips moving against my own, dancing and smiling, wanting me as much as I wanted him. I ran my fingers gently along his jaw line, my other hand slowly pushing up the hem of his shirt. I opened my eyes, wanting to see his smile for myself, instead of seeing it. I stared. His eyes were opened, tears glimmering on his cheeks as he smiled up at me.  
"Nishi...?"

"You treat me so gently...like I'm made of glass," he whispered, his hand cupping my cheek.

***

I clung to this hope, it was all that was keeping my mechanical body moving. I put the car into gear, the tires squealing, but the sound seemed so muted. Everything was so muted, like I had let my heart harden over to prevent my emotions from getting the better of me, but it had affected my senses. Without emotions, were sensations muted and dulled? Without emotions, could I still be classified as human? But Ryuk had emotions. He was happy, angry and sad.

Had I reached a place within myself that was further than any normal kind of being?

I had to find Ryuk. He was my last chance of being human again, the last chance of having everything go back to normal. I had to know how much time I had left with L. If L died, I would have nothing left, so if L died, it was no different from my own death. It was a race against time. I had to find Ryuk, I had to know how much time I had left, and the time I wasted looking for Ryuk was time I could be spending with L. Every minute that passed was another minute closer to death. My death, and Lawliet's. Our death.

***

"I love you," I panted against his skin. He simply moaned in reply, fingers digging into my back, wanting me more. I kissed every inch of him I could reach. I wanted all of him.  
"Chikayo..." he mewled, arching his back, legs wrapped around me tightly, pulling me ever closer, further into him.

***

I fell into the wall, tears blinding me. "Ryuk, please...I need to know..." My breath was stuck in my throat. I had finally found Ryuk, but I had no strength left. My legs wobbled, my breath was non-existent, my heart pounded so hard it hurt. Was I dying here on the spot? "Ryuk...Lawliet...is my...Is my Lawliet going...?" He wasn't going. He wasn't going anywhere without me. If he was going to die, I was fucking damn well going to fucking die with him! I couldn't bear life alone without my love, without my soul, without _him. _I didn't want to be lonely. I didn't want to be without my Lawliet and _nothing _was going to stop me.

***

It was like a surge. Like a feeling that didn't arrive in waves, but was a continuous flood throughout my body. Was he feeling this? Could he feel the way love consumed me? Was burning me alive with this...How could I describe this? I moved with him, urging him to meet me on the same level, to feel this. He needed to feel this. If love had a physical form, had a feeling, it was this race of chemicals and hormones that was engulfing me. This ecstasy. Was he feeling it? He bit my bottom lip, to try and stop his cries. I wanted to laugh. Yes. He was feeling this.

***

"I can't tell you, Light. Shinigami can't tell humans the lifespan that we can see. And even if I was allowed to, it could be wrong. His life could be shortened because of a Death Note, but I would only see his original lifespan, so he'd die a lot sooner than I'd be able to tell."

***

I cradled him in my arms, watching his chest rise and fall softly. He entwined his fingers in mine, a satisfied smile on his sleepy lips. "Chikayo...I love you." God, every time he said that...I tightened my arms around him, burying my face into his hair, grinning.  
"I love you, too." A thousand years ago, he'd never have admitted to loving me. Not like this. It meant so much more now. God, I loved him. And I could never get enough of him. He was like some addictive drug, he wasn't like anything I had ever known before.  
I wanted to gaze at his face forever more, but I knew he'd be there when I'd wake up. I kissed his temple, noticing he had fallen asleep on me. I smiled fondly and settled back, slowly closing my eyes, letting my dreams swirl and consume me, until a scream brought me back to awareness.

***

I wanted to break every one of my fingers. Smash my toes. Shatter my nose. Eradicate my skull. I screamed, my tears and snot trailing over my lips. Where was the blood, the bone? Why weren't my insides twisted and mangled out on the floor like they were supposed to be? It felt as if someone had gotten a knife and sliced open my belly, letting everything spill over. I began to retch, feeling sick. Was I dying? Was pain and sorrow finally killing me? It had certainly taken its fucking time!

I pushed myself off the wall and stumbled near-blindly into the kitchen, rummaging through the drawers for something sharp. A knife. A very sharp knife. I was going to end this. I was going to see Lawliet in the afterlife. He was practically there, anyway.  
I huddled down on the floor, leaning against the fridge, poising the knife over my wrist. Where did I begin? Did I cut down along to my elbow? Or straight across? I hesitated. Would it hurt a lot? I pressed the tip of the knife against my skin, flushing at the fact that it did. It hurt very much, and I hadn't even drawn blood yet. My survival instincts screamed at me not to do this, but I knew that I had to. I had to be with Lawliet. I couldn't live for years without him. It had to be now. The fear drove me to push it in further, my teeth gritting tightly together, grinding as I pushed. It hurt, and I felt so ashamed that I could even feel it. That it even measured against the pain in my heart.

The sight of the blood beading up made me want to be sick. I could taste the bile in the back of my throat. I didn't like this. Tears spilled over, blurring my vision completely. I couldn't even kill myself. I was too afraid of the pain. I'd had enough of pain. I couldn't even let myself be with Lawliet. Did I even love him, then? Of course I did! I loved him more than everything...but then why couldn't I do this? Why couldn't I do this?

"Light!"

I jumped in fright, my tight grip on the knife sending it across my skin, streaking a path of scarlet across my wrist. I cried out in pain and flung the knife away, cringing away from the sight of Chikayo who was staring at me in shock. God, I felt so ashamed. That I couldn't kill myself for Lawliet, and that Chikayo had seen me doing it.

"Oh, Light," Chikayo burst, kneeling before me and wrapping his arms around me, pulling me tightly to his bare chest. "What the fuck, Light? What're you doing? What...? Why? You're being so stupid...Why? What's going on with you?"

I couldn't reply. I simply buried myself into him, sobbing. I clung to him, feeling myself collapse and let go. I felt so loose, so empty and weak. He stroked my hair, holding me as I shook. I felt so horrible for putting him through this, and I was so grateful that he was here, supporting me like he always had, in one of my most darkest moments.  
How could I possibly think I could beat time? I wasn't a god. Kira was just an idea, a belief. I was not physically immortal, whereas Kira could only be alive as long as there were people to believe that Kira still existed. I couldn't really become a god. I could take life, but I couldn't give life. I couldn't change L's life at all. I couldn't save him. The world's 'saviour' couldn't even save his own husband from dying. I had become too absorbed in myself. Too drunk on the idea of power. I had to get a grip on reality. I had to face this just like every other person. I was not above anyone on this god forsaken earth. I had to cherish the time I had with L, not waste it with worries about how much time I had left.

I tried to ignore the searing pain in my wrist, but thankfully Chikayo noticed without me having to admit my shame.  
"Hey, stop crying, we can fix this," he whispered, smiling, resting his forehead on mine. "You'll be okay, Light. Everything is going to be okay, I promise."

It was so strange...how far we had come, as friends. He pulled me to my feet and reached into the cupboard where Matsuda kept all of his first aid equipment that strangely contained satchels of sugar. Without saying anything, Chikayo lifted me up by my hips onto the counter and began to examine my long cut, handing me a cloth to wipe my pathetic face with.  
"You got it pretty deep, but it should heal okay," he told me, covering it with a pad-dressing, which I found bulky despite its soft cotton texture against my sore skin. He wrapped a bandage over it to keep it in place, nice and firm but not too tight. The pressure seemed to relieve the pain a little. L would be sure to notice it, though.

"Where did you learn this?" I asked, fiddling with a loose thread on the bandage. He smiled and closed the cupboard.

"What? How to put bandaids on people?" he teased, poking me in the chest. He brought his finger down under my chin and lifted it, making my eyes meet his. "Why don't you tell me why I heard you screaming and found you about to stab yourself?"

"It's...it's private," I hesitated.  
"I've known for a while that something hasn't been right with you," he admitted, looking guiltily down at his hands that were resting on my knees. "I couldn't figure it out though. Light...please tell me."

"It's...it's hard," I gulped, swallowing down the emotional pain that threatened to engulf me.. "L is kind of...He's very sick at the moment." One look into Chikayo's trusting eyes had me spilling my fears, laying them out for him to examine. "He's got stomach cancer. He's had surgery and had half his stomach taken out. He's in hospital now, getting chemotherapy...I don't want him to die, Chikayo."

Chikayo's eyes widened fractionally for a moment, before he slowly wrapped his arms around me and hugged me close. "You won't lose him," he promised. "You and L are _supposed _to be together. I can't believe...how could you have kept this a secret for so long?"

It was like slipping into a hot bath, with the water relieving my aching muscles. His words washed over me and made me feel relieved, which felt like such a new feeling. I hadn't had any relief from this nightmare. I inhaled the scent of his hair, and noticed a strange yet familiar scent around him. Why was Chikayo even here? And in only his underwear, no less.

"Where's Nishi?" I asked, cheeks flaming as I realised what I must have interrupted.

"Upstairs, asleep," Chikayo told me, a sheepish grin on his lips. "We sort of had the place to ourselves for once..." I nodded quickly, understanding. I couldn't help but feel possessive of my best friend against the guy who was like an annoying brother or cousin to me.

"What's up?" he asked, still worried about me. I had calmed down, but I could understand that he wasn't going to fully trust me ever again after an incident like this.

"I should be with L," I murmured, trying to push myself off the counter, but Chikayo stood between my legs, keeping me there.  
"Don't go, not yet. You should get some sleep first, you look exhausted. And you're always grumpy when you're tired. You should get some good rest and then see him, you're an emotional wreck, but I can understand why." He reached up to cup my check gently, a strange look in his eye. "I should have paid more attention," he murmured regretfully. "I should have asked you what was wrong more often."

"It wouldn't have changed anything," I told him, wishing he would stop blaming himself for this. It was none of his fault, he was in no way involved.  
"I just want to look after you, Light. Protect you, even from yourself," he defended, jaw tight, eyes locking with mine. I remembered that Chikayo had never really talked so much since I'd come out. He'd always been quite popular at school, laid back, not really caring about anything other than tennis and baseball. He was my best friend, I could tell him almost anything...except about the Death Note and my sexuality. My two biggest secrets and my two biggest problems. Except now, Chikayo was something other than my best friend. He was, but then he was not. There were things I couldn't tell him, and things I could. I cared about him, but did I care more than a best friend was supposed to? Definitely perhaps. For a long time, I had liked Chikayo, as more than friends. Had dreamed over it. Obsessed over it, infatuated with the idea of Chikayo. Infatuated with him. But I had never done anything about it, I had stayed the loyal best friend, because I didn't want to lose that friendship with him if he ever found out. And now that he knew, I had found out it had been the same for him. All these years wasted, spending with each other, but never really _with _each other like we so wanted.

"Please, stop thinking," he sighed, reminding me of the many times he had told me when I was studying very hard on something. But what I wasn't familiar with was his lips pressing to mine. My eyes flew open with surprise, but I didn't pull away. I couldn't. It was like we were magnets, and when his lips moved against mine, I couldn't help but move mine with him.

"Please don't hurt yourself anymore," he murmured, pulling away with a jerk, eyes averted. I flushed, feeling tears well up again, but I blinked them away. Why had he kissed me? Didn't he know that if he did, I wouldn't be able to stop myself? I craved for him to do it again, but was part of that temptation because I had lost comfort from Lawliet? Because L's lips didn't mean safety anymore? Kissing L was a constant reminder of how much I didn't want to lose him and that made me sick with guilt. But I was even more guilty for enjoying this kiss with Chikayo so much more.

"Do you want something to drink?" he finally asked, still not looking at me. His face was so unreadable.  
"No," I squeaked, before clearing my throat. "No, I'll be fine."  
"Okay...Well, you should get some sleep. You'll feel much better after a nap."

"Yeah..." He allowed me to get off of the bench, but as I made to leave, he reached for my wrist.

"Light, I won't tell anyone about L being sick. Please, just don't...just don't ever tell Nishi that I...I could never forgive you if you..." He looked up at me, begging. I nodded and reached weakly up to tousle his hair.

"Tell Nishi what? Nothing happened," I tried to smile. It probably looked more like a grimace of pain. His shoulders became more relaxed.  
"Thankyou."

***

I watched him leave, and turned to the kitchen sink to wash my face. I was almost hesitant to let the water touch my lips and remove the trace of Light's taste there. Why had I done that? Why had I been so stupid? Just when things were perfect for me, when Nishi was my only one, I had to go around digging up the past and kiss my old reason for being. I'd promised myself I'd never interfere with Light and L, and now I'd screwed up. The day of their wedding, I'd gone to get my ear pierced, for the sole reason to remind me that I would never let myself love Light in that way ever again. I had to move on. It was part of the reason I'd slept with Mello, to try and get over Light.

I let out a frustrated growl. I'd thought I was over him! That he was my best friend and nothing else. Why..._why_ did I have to be so over protective of him? I'd wanted to erase his fears and make him think about something else. I wanted to distract him from his worries, so I'd kissed him.  
I felt like I was going to be sick. I felt so guilty. Nishi. He may not know, but I always would and that would eat me up. Nishi, who trusted me so much. Who was finally telling me that he loved me...how could I throw away the one person who meant everything to me? I was so stupid! _Light wasn't supposed to mean anything anymore! _Where was I crossing the line here, between friendship and love? I just wanted to turn back time and stop myself from kissing him...but there was still that stupid part inside of me that treasured the moment, that was making me replay every single part of those few seconds in my mind, try to recall it all back. No! I had to forget! I had to, for Nishi! I _loved _Nishi. I loved Nishi with all my being...I loved _Light _with all of my being.

I let out a groan, covering my head with my arms. Damn it! I _couldn't _have Light. I had convinced myself that I didn't want him anymore, to make it easier to deal with. I respected L, and I liked him, but deep down, I envied him. I'd never envied anyone in my life. I had never been jealous of anyone, it just wasn't in my nature. I was happy with who I was.

I had to stop my obsession for Light. I was Nishi's. I would _always _be Nishi's and Light was L's. And I would never forgive myself for this small moment, but I would still treasure it, because there would never be another moment like it. Every moment would belong to Nishi.

***

Surprisingly, it hadn't taken me long to fall asleep, despite my mind and heart being in utter turmoil, but it took me a while to wake up. I stared up at the ceiling, slowly letting everything sink in.  
Chikayo had kissed me. He regretted it and I promised him I wouldn't tell Nishi. I wouldn't tell anyone, not even L. It was better if I forgot about it completely, but I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I would never be able to completely forget. It was something small and special...a fragment, a taste of a future that I would never get to know.

Ryuk couldn't tell me L's lifespan. Even if he was allowed to, if L's lifespan was shortened because of a Death Note, Ryuk wouldn't be able to tell and L could die years before his lifespan ended. Misa had shinigami eyes. She would be able to tell me L's lifespan...but if L's name was written down in a Death Note...The only people that had access to the Death Note were Misa, Rem and Enah. Enah didn't have possession of any pages that I knew about, and had no motive to kill L. She liked him. Misa and Rem had always threatened to kill either L or I if we didn't comply to what they wanted, and stomach cancer was definitely an allowable circumstance in the Death Note. This cancer could have been caused naturally...or it was because Misa had ordered Rem, or Rem had decided herself to eliminate L to make things easier for Kira.

By killing L with cancer made it impossible to prove that a Death Note was involved at all. It had even taken me this long to even come to this train of thought. With L gone, I would have nothing standing in my way. With L gone, Misa, Enah and I would be able to finally continue creating a new and better world, without any opposition. But I didn't want Lawliet to die.

***

Two weeks is what it took for Chikayo to finally convince me to see my father again. I don't know how he did it. Maybe I felt guilty because I was throwing my father away too easily, when he'd finally grown up and decided he wanted to know me. That's how I found myself standing hand in hand with Chikayo on my father's doorstep of his luxury apartment.

"Ready?" Chikayo breathed, flashing me a grin. I rolled my eyes, pretending that my heart wasn't racing a mile a minute as I reached forward and knocked on the door. I hated using doorbells, it seemed a little embarrassing, but more so right now because I didn't want to be here.

Nobody answered. I knocked again, gritting my teeth. Chikayo had rung him for me, to arrange a meeting, and he wasn't even home. My knocking turned into irritated banging. I had come all this way and now he didn't want to see me! I didn't want to admit that I was just trying to turn my fear of rejection into indignant anger.

"Are you trying to break the door down?" a voice asked, annoyed. I turned around to see a short young boy dressed in a secondary school uniform, white shirt, grey pants and a dark blue tie with his school crest sewed neatly onto the left side of his chest. I eyed the crest. This kid came from a private school, so his family had to be made of money.

"Do you live here?" Chikayo asked politely, a broad smile spreading across his face. What was he grinning about?

"Yes, I do," the boy nodded, eyeing me suspiciously. Dressed in as much black as I could find, and with all of my piercings, I was clearly a delinquent and someone his mother told him to be wary of. "Are you lost?"

"Actually, does Mr Nishimura live here?" Chikayo asked, still smiling. "We're supposed to meet him here."

"That's my dad. He's probably late from work again," the kid shrugged, producing a key from his pocket. He unlocked the door and motioned for us to follow. "Would you like something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine," Chikayo replied, but I said nothing. This kid was my little brother. Jacky Nishimura. That's why Chikayo had been smiling. Because he recognised Jacky's blue eyes and dark hair, the shape of his nose and I pray to god I didn't possess the midget gene that this kid seemed to have. He was so short...what was he? Fourteen?

"Would you like something to eat then?" he asked, leading us to the designer kitchen. Chikayo and I sat down on the stools and watched as he began to make himself ramen in those instant cup things that I loved. I was quickly put off when he pulled out a spoon and used that to eat the noodles. Hadn't the kid heard of chopsticks or a fork? He was getting it everywhere! Chikayo was still smiling as if it was the cutest thing he'd ever seen, but it was just stupid.

"So, when is Mr Nishimura due home?" I asked, peering at the kid through narrowed eyes. He looked up at me with his large blue eyes, cheeks bulging.

"Any minute now," he told me, the water from the noodles dripping down his chin. He wiped it using the white sleeve of his uniform. My eye twitched. Working in a clothing store all day and owning Lolita clothes that _did not come cheap_, I had a deep measure of respect for clothes, and using a perfect white uniform as a napkin made me want to grab this kid by the tie and box his ears.

"So, don't you have any clubs or night school to go to?" Chikayo asked, striking up pointless conversation. Jacky beamed, obviously liking attention.

"I'm the President of the Games Club. We were planning to have a huge board game tournament today, but Dad wanted me to come home early to meet someone. And I don't do night school, I have a private tutor instead who comes over every second night." He blinked. "Are you the one I'm supposed to meet? Why are you here? What's your name? I'm Jacky Nishimura, aged fourteen and I love animals and frogs." Idiot. Frogs _were _animals.

"I'm Chikayo Karasuma, and I love tennis. This is Richie Nishimura, and he's your half-brother. That's why we're here," Chikayo told him.

"You're my half-brother?" Jacky asked, staring at me, mouth hanging open. I nodded reluctantly, as a noodle fell out of his mouth. Ew. "Really? You're Richie?"  
"Everyone calls me Nishi," I corrected him smoothly. I wanted to get to know my father, not this little space monkey that was supposed to be my brother. How could I be related to such a weird kid?

I blinked as he practically _leaped _away, running out, and returned moments later, clutching something furry in both hands. Before I had time to push the horror child away, he'd shoved the two furry things onto my head and clipped them to my hair.

"There!" he declared, beaming. "I bought them just for you! I always wanted a big brother, so I could dress him up and we could play games together! I'm going to call you Neko-chan, okay? And you can call me Captain President, and Chikayo, you can be-"

"He is _Chikayo_, I am _Nishi _and you are _not _Captain Present or whatever the hell you're on about," I snapped, trying to get the cat ears off of my head. "What are you? Five? Grow up!"

"But..." Jacky pouted, his blue eyes beginning to glimmer, as if he was about to cry. "I'm sorry, I just thought...I always wanted a brother, you see..."

"It's okay, Nishi's just stressed out at the moment," Chikayo told him, giving me a look. Why were there such weird people in my life? I had L, the world's greatest detective, I had Uncle Matsu, the world's stupidest detective. I had Light, who I still privately suspected was Kira. I had Matt who could probably play Space Invaders in his sleep, Mello who was addicted to chocolate and had links to the Mafia. There was probably a _ghost _in the house I lived in. Now I had a little brother who didn't act his age, like Matsuda. Could my life get any stupider?

***

"I love you," I whispered, tracing his lips with my finger. Could he hear me? Was he dreaming? I curled around L's sleeping form, resting my head on his chest, blinking away tears. Lawliet was such a beautiful person, I didn't deserve someone as intelligent and loving as him. How could I betray him like this? I'd let Chikayo kiss me, I'd pushed myself into it, I'd moved my lips with his. It had happened so long ago, but it still pervaded my mind. It was all my fault. "I love you," I mouthed, unable to find my voice. I'd be crying myself to sleep tonight, but that wasn't anything new.

"Light?" I looked up to see Watari standing in the doorway, hat in his hands. "I came to see how Ryuzaki is doing."  
"He's asleep at the moment," I told the old man, clearing my throat and hurriedly wiping away my tears. "He's steady, he's not getting worse, but he's not getting better."

"And you? How are you?"  
"I've been worse..."

"Somehow, I find that hard to believe. Would you like to come for a walk? Perhaps when we return he'll wake up."

I reluctantly pushed myself away from L and followed Watari to the hospital's cafeteria, where he bought me a coffee and sat opposite me at a small table, his heavily lidded eyes regarding me closely underneath his snowy eyebrows.

"How are you, really? You look as if you haven't eaten."

"I'm probably not taking as much care of myself as I should be," I admitted, stirring my coffee slowly. "I just...forget to."

"It is a very stressful time, Light, but there's nothing you can do. The best way to look after L is to look after yourself."

"I know, I know," I grimaced, rubbing my tired eyes. "I really need to look after myself. I mean, everyone at home is starting to starting to really wonder what's going on. They don't believe anything I tell them anymore...And Chikayo knows. I told him, but he promised not to tell anyone."

"That's a wise choice, I think. I don't believe it is good to keep this all to yourself. You need support, Light. You can't do it alone."  
"I'm not doing it alone. I have you, don't I?" I questioned, trying to stop myself from tearing up. I hated admitting that I had any faults. That I was weak and couldn't look after myself...

Watari smiled and reached for my hand, giving it a warm squeeze. "I wouldn't be much of a father-in-law if I wasn't there for you, now would I? Just take your time, Light. Look after yourself, L isn't going anywhere at the moment."

"I'm scared...to leave him alone," I whispered, cheeks burning. Watari blinked behind his glasses. Was he blinking away a glimmer of tears?

***

I realise this update might be a bit confusing for everyone, but it's been hectic to write. I've just graduated school, so hopefully you can all forgive me, like you always do! And if you have questions, always feel free to ask, that's what the review button is for! I like reviews!! I'm one of those people who tend to read the stories that have lots of reviews...*guilty smile* So every review is awesome, guys! I'm sorry if I haven't replied to people lately, my email has been messed up and I haven't been able to keep track of which ones I have and haven't answered, but this new chapter is a clean slate! I can get back to replying again! I just hope you guys all like it when I reply ^w^ I just can't help it! You guys are all so awesome!!

I'd love to get a round of applause and give credit to JackyIsLoveless, without him, I'd be trapped inside a little cube I like to call 'writers block' and thanks to him, I've got the next few parts planned, so I'm not farting around wondering what to put next! Hehehe, and try to guess which character he created for me!

We won't be having my favourite segment, AUTHOR QUESTIONS, because I can't think of any individual questions I'd like answered. Just tell me what you thought of every little part, and I'll be happy ^w^ Or do what Zena Silverwing does, and just keep Notepad open and write down your reactions as you read. I like to know what makes you laugh and cry!

Anyway, hugs'n'kisses!! -44

Oh, yeah! Almost forgot! Tons of people are always telling me that they've gone back and read the whole thing over and over again! I just want a show of hands to see which of you crazy people have done that ^w^


	18. Chapter 18

I looked down at Light's face, trying to read the emotion there. He was almost pleading, begging someone to touch him, to take everything under control. He was tired of it all.

"Light, you are a very strong young man, but no one expects you to be able to deal with it all by yourself. I am...beyond myself with relief that L has met someone as loving and caring as you. I am so grateful, Light, for all that you have done for him."

"I betrayed him so many times," Light croaked, staring at the table, unable to look me in the eyes. "Watari, if I wasn't such a horrible person, L and I wouldn't have even met. If I hadn't picked up that notebook...Its caused me so much trouble..."

"Light, you are an unbelievably intelligent and compassionate person, and I have no doubt that you would have captured L's attention in whatever you chose to do with your life. You wanted to be a detective, didn't you? Then surely your path would have crossed L's, and besides, we should be concentrating on the future, not dwelling on the past and what could have been."

"Watari...words....words can't change who I am," Light murmured, hands shaking and shoulders trembling. "They can't change _what _I am. I'm a monster. I've become _obsessed _with this idea that I can change the world through killing people. L has always told me...that I am no better than the people I kill, and he's fucking right, Watari."

"There's no use for language, Light," I scolded him gently. It was hard to imagine that this young man could have done all that he had. He was an old man, like I was, with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Despite his intelligence, despite all he had been through and was still undertaking, he was still just a child. New to the world. All of this pressure was no good for someone of his age and I should have recognised this. He was barely eighteen, after all. He still had his life ahead of him, and here he was, a murderer, a husband, and possibly soon to be a widow.

"Light...please go home," I murmured, ashamed of myself. "I can take care of things here. Go home and take a break. A whole day at home, doing normal things will work wonders for you. You are far too stressed to help L at all."

"I don't need-" he began, but I cut him off.  
"I will drive you home myself, Light. This hospital has become too familiar to you."

"I can drive myself home," he smiled wryly, ruffling his hair. "You don't have to take care of me, Watari."

"I need to take care of you, Light. You need someone to look after you, and I need someone to look after. The doctors and nurses here are more than capable of looking after L without our help," I insisted, leaning back heavily in my chair. "Please, go home and _rest_. I'll be there in a few hours, after you have had a solid rest and I will make you a meal and then we can return here. How does that sound?"

"I don't want..."

"If L's condition changes _in the slightest_, I will inform you, Light. However, we are both aware that there are not going to be any sudden changes. I am sure you can have a few hours to yourself."

"Chikayo tells me I need to detox a lot more," he shrugged, relaxing slightly. Was he finally going to give in? "I try, Watari. I do. I'm just so frightened that I don't know what to do. I know what's good for me, and I know that I could never forgive myself for not being with L if he ever needed me."

It didn't take much coaxing after that to convince Light to go home and take a hot shower and a long sleep. As soon as he left, I kept my promise and went straight to L's side. I found him propped up on his pillows, sipping some water delicately, unaided by a nurse.

"Good morning," I smiled, taking Light's usual chair beside his bed. "Have you finally decided to wake up?"  
"I apologise, Watari, I can't help but sleep all the time," he murmured, giving a slight smile. "Where's Light?"

"I finally convinced him to go home and have some rest. He is constantly at the hospital and I felt that he severely needed a break."  
"He...he tells me he goes home when I'm asleep," my son told me, worry and regret in his dark eyes. "Please...don't tell me he stays here."

"Day and night by your side," I informed him gently. "Everyone has grown quite worried about Light, the young man is having trouble trying to keep himself inconspicuous. Everyone is aware that something is not quite right. Chikayo knows, and is trying to get Light to stay home more often, but Light is terrified of the thought of leaving you alone and not being there for you every minute just in case you may need him."

"Oh, Light," L breathed, covering his eyes with a skeletal hand. "Watari, what can I do? I'm completely useless in this position, I have no control over anything."

"I believe...that maybe in some circumstances, it is a requirement to give false pretences...If you could let Light believe that you're getting better, he may feel more confident."  
"You want me to have the nurses lie and declare that the chemotherapy is working as it should be?" L asked, without a hint of the sharpness he would have given if he'd been a stronger version of himself. He was just an empty husk at the moment. He was too drug-riddled, too tired, too emotionally drained to function properly.  
"Anything to keep Light sane," I insisted, trying to keep my calm composure. It very nearly broke me to see how weak L had become. "Light _needs_ a lie. He needs to be told that he doesn't have to literally _kill _himself with worry. Losing sleep over you will not make you any better, you know this."

"I love Light, Watari. I love him so much," L croaked, trying to hide his tears. "I hate what I'm doing to him. The poison in my body isn't hurting me as much as it is hurting him. Please...would you ask the nurses? I can barely bring myself to nod and smile and know that I am not as well as I want him to believe. Watari...I can't bear the thought of leaving him."  
"L, you know you haven't written a name in the Death Note. Do you intend to?" I asked, unsure for once of L's intentions and thoughts on the subject. Was he going to kill someone in order to spend the afterlife with Light? Or did he want to go to heaven (I didn't even consider L could be directed to hell) without him?

"Light doesn't even ask me that question anymore," L mumbled, bringing his thumb to his lips. "I can't even answer it to him. I plan to use the Death Note, but I've been meaning to discuss it with you. I need you to bring the Death Note to me."

"Who do you...Who are you going to kill?"

"Myself," he replied simply. "Of course, committing suicide would mean I wouldn't gain entry into heaven, but is it really a crime to be sent to hell? Murdering another seems a hell-worthy thing, and I never intend to become a murderer. The only way to be with Light is to kill myself whilst on my death bed."

"You realise this now? L, you could have died so many days ago, you could have died in surgery, you could any day now take a turn for the worst and have the chemo kill you. If this cancer doesn't kill you, then surely you could die suddenly and not have a drawn out death at all!"  
L ran his fingers through his hair, a few strands getting caught and tangled. He examined them for a moment, deep in thought. "That's what I'm worried about, Watari. I need the Death Note to work. I need to be able to find out my lifespan and set my death to be one day earlier, and I can choose my method of death. I'm terrified of finding out my lifespan, Watari. I don't want this cancer to be the end of me. I want to know that I'm going to life a long and full life with Light.

"And how do you intend on getting that information? The rules state that a shinigami can't tell you what the lifespan of a human is."

"Luckily I am not the owner of a Death Note," L remarked, "I am lucky, because my lifespan can be seen by people who have Shinigami eyes. Unfortunately, even with Shinigami eyes, my lifespan can be wrong if my lifespan has been tampered with by a Death Note."

"You think that Misa could have written you down to die of cancer?"

"It is certainly a possibility. Or Rem could have done it, with or without Misa's knowledge or direction. All I know for sure is that it would have been Rem's Death Note to have been the tool for it. But I have no way of finding out that information, unless I get Rem's Death Note, which is a task that isn't so easy for me. If Misa intends for me to die, then she, a possessor of Shinigami eyes, would not comply and tell me what my lifespan is. Or would not give me a correct reading."  
"There is...nobody else with the Shinigami eyes?" I inquired, my hands shaking. "What if I...?" L shook his head, frowning.  
"To get the Shinigami eyes, you have to trade away half of your lifespan. Making the deal would be pointless Watari, especially if my lifespan was proven to be short. No, what I really need is to see Rem's Death Note. I need to know if my name has been written down. And if Misa is innocent, then I will beg her...I will plead her for my life."

***

"Light! Look at you! You look sick! Haven't you been eating lately? Is Matsuda starving you?" Misa exclaimed, poking my ribs. How could anyone tell how thin I was when I wore a suit? It didn't cling to my skin, or was it perhaps the way it hung off my frame? "I'm so glad you came to visit, Light! It's been ages! And boy, I've got to tell you that I am tired of waiting! What's your plan for Kira? You're not going to stop, are you?"

"Yes, Misa. This time there's no more," I murmured, sitting on her couch. "I can't bear any more. Kira is ripping apart my life. Kira has destroyed so many lives, Misa."

"Yeah, right! You've been hanging around L for too long!" she laughed, eyebrows set in a way that suggested she wasn't happy. "It's not too late to bring Kira back, you know."

"Misa, please believe me. I don't want Kira anymore. Kira isn't anything for me anymore. And I'm not here to talk to you about reviving that. I'm here...because I don't have any other way, Misa."

"What is it?"

"L is in hospital, Misa. Do you know anything about that?" I asked, looking at her in a way that I had intended to be confrontational but was probably more sad and pleading.

"In hospital? Why? What happened?" She seemed honest enough in her surprise.

"He's got cancer, Misa. He's got stomach cancer and he's..." I gulped. I couldn't cry in front of her, I _couldn't_. It was so much easier to hide my emotions from everyone else, but not Misa. The person who had probably sent L to hospital, the one who blindly loved and followed me, the one who was going to go to the afterlife and not have anyone waiting for her.

"Oh, Light!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around me and letting me cry into her shoulder. If she was guilty of killing L, I was damn well going to make her feel guilty for it! That...and I couldn't help myself. I didn't want to admit it, but I couldn't stop the flood of tears even if I wanted to.

"It's okay, Light," she said softly, stroking my hair. "He's going to be okay."

"How do you know?" I accused, wiping my eyes.

"Because I've seen his lifespan. He isn't going to die for a long time yet."

My breath caught in my throat. My heart skipped a beat. Lawliet...was going to live? "What if someone wrote his name in the Death Note?" I pointed out. "The numbers above his head wouldn't change, so you wouldn't be able to tell. He could die any moment and you wouldn't be able to tell."

"The only person that has a Death Note is Rem. L took away yours and mine, so unless he gave them to someone else, I don't think anyone could have written his name down."

"What if Rem wrote his name down?" I suggested, holding my breath, watching for her reaction. She smiled.

"Rem wouldn't do that. She knows I'd never forgive her if L died, because it would hurt you, Light. I don't want to take him away from you. I just want you to be happy," she told me, hugging me. "I love you, Light."

"How can you be sure? Where is Rem?" I asked, looking around her apartment. Misa shrugged, putting a thoughtful finger to her teasing lips.  
"Well, she and Ryuk have been spending a lot of time together, if you haven't noticed. They're probably off together right now," she explained, smirking, before her eyes widened. "But it doesn't matter, Rem doesn't have her Death Note."

"What?" I asked sharply.  
"She gave it to me, to make me happy. I don't use it, though," she added hastily. "It was a gift. You can go through it and check to see if L's name is in it, if you like."  
She didn't even wait for me to nod before she was returning from her bedroom, unlocking a silver briefcase. She passed me the book, and I eagerly flicked through it, searching for a name I prayed I wouldn't find. I had forgotten a lot about Misa and Enah lately. About my plans. I had thought they would work against my will and continue Kira's work. I'd thought Misa would be hostile towards me, I'd thought she'd hate me for holding her back like this.  
Why hadn't I seen things as they were? I'd assumed so much. If Misa and Enah had wanted, they could have gotten pages from Rem's Death Note without my permission. They didn't need me. But they had stopped, because they wanted to. They had listened to me. Misa didn't hate me at all, she wasn't upset. She respected my decision to stop Kira. All this time, I'd acted like she was an enemy.

L Lawliet did not appear in any of the pages.

***

"L," I called, smiling through my tears. I leaned in the doorway of the hospital, hugging myself. His dull eyes looked up from his lap to my face. I watched as his eyes, dark and solemn, became warm and loving. A crooked smile graced his lips. "I love you," I told him, through the stream of tears. "I love you, so much."  
"And I love you," he smiled, opening his arms to me. I quickly crossed the room, and buried myself in his arms. "You don't know how much I love to see you smile like that."

"It's because I'm so happy."

"Why are you so happy?" he asked, lips tickling my hair. "Did you find money hidden in the couch?"

"No...I spoke to Misa earlier. I read Rem's Death Note." I felt L freeze in surprise.

"You did?" I could hear the disbelief there. The hope. The joy. The relief. "Oh, Light."  
"I expect to live a long and happy life with you, L Lawliet," I beamed, kissing the tip of his nose. "So you get yourself all better and get out of this hospital, okay?"

"I...I love you," he mouthed, trembling, smiling through his shock.  
"You're going to live, Lawliet. Together, we're going to live," I whispered in his ear, before kissing him. Kissing him deeply and fully, making up for all the lost time we'd spent in this hospital, wasting time worrying about wasting time. We had been so scared...It was like there was colour in the world. My senses had returned. I could think, feel, taste clearly. I could finally live again. And I would be alive, with Lawliet. We were going to live.

***

"I can't tell you how pleased I am that you decided to come for dinner tonight, Richie," my father smiled. I shrugged, non-committed, toying with my bowl of ice-cream. I tried to ignore Jacky who was busy smearing the chocolate syrup over his lips. How could I be related to someone so..._strange? _Even though I sat opposite him, I still worried that he would somehow manage to spill ice-cream on my new purple jeans.

Jacky's mother was interstate on business, and I was under the impression that she either didn't want to meet me or didn't even know about me. I wasn't sure if I wanted to meet the woman who had replaced my mother in my father's eyes.  
"Jacky and I were wondering if you would like to come to the zoo with us next Sunday," my father told me, sipping his coffee. "A family outing."

"I'm not sure, I promised Chikayo I'd take him out to a baseball game," I shrugged, not sure which of the two options was worse. Sports was completely boring and I wasn't sure I was ready to have an 'outing' with my dad and his other offspring Jacky, who I suspected probably hadn't been actually conceived, but came from a box of fruit loops.

"You can take Chikayo along, or maybe you could take Jacky with you. He's never been to a baseball game, I'm sure he'd be glad to see one, and spend some time with you, Richie."

"Sure." Ugh, I couldn't think of anything worse, but I wasn't going to be rude about it and outright refuse.

"Jacky, if you've finished your ice-cream, you should go do your homework. I'll do the dishes tonight," my father smiled at his son. Jacky nodded and brought his bowl to his lips, drinking the melted ice-cream before _skipping _to the bathroom. "I was looking through some old things last night, and I found a box full of report cards and things you made that your mother sent me over the years," my father told me, getting up and retrieving a cardboard box from near a decorative plant in the corner. He pushed it towards me on the table, watching me closely for my reaction.  
I tentatively opened the box and reached in, pulling out a piece of paper that had been folded over to make a card, with a feather and glitter glued to it. 'Happy Birthday Dad' was printed on the card neatly, in my mother's handwriting. I opened it and read the message.

_Dear Dad,_

_Have a very Happy Birthday.  
I hope you have a good day._

_I hope you get lots of presents._

_I love you._

_Love from Richie._

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I could remember telling my mother what to write for this card, when I was just a small child. I remembered painting a rock as a gift for him, and I remember that night, peeking out from my bedroom and seeing my mother throw the rock at him, but missed and smashed his grandmother's crystal vase. He'd stormed out and didn't come home for a few days. He probably came back the next night, but as a child, it felt like a long time.

"I remember making it," I commented, putting the card aside and reaching back into the box and grabbing some old report cards from school.

_Japanese Studies : Gojo Asako_

_Nishimura Richie is a talented and intelligent boy, but is easily distracted in class and often causes others to become distracted from their studies. _

_Maths : Jimyoin Kiyotoki_

_Adept at simple sums, Nishimura Richie soon becomes bored with harder calculations and needs to learn how to focus more. His homework has become unsatisfactory and I would like to arrange a meeting with Nishimura Richie's parents to discuss this._

"Mr Jimyoin wasn't a good teacher anyway," I muttered, putting down the report card. I sifted through a collection of photos, ranging from me as a child to becoming a moody teenager. I held up a photo of myself as a fifteen year old, giving the camera the finger as I kissed my boyfriend of the time. I bet my mother had sent this to him to piss him off. Or maybe I had been the one to sneak it into the envelope she was sending along with my report card. I didn't have many memories, because I'd been blocking them out for so long, ignoring everything that had to do with him. What did I even call _him_? Father? Dad? I hadn't called him anything in so long that it felt strange to start calling him anything. It would feel more natural to call him 'Mr Nishimura', but I suspected he wouldn't like that.

"So, you never told me, who is that boy in that picture?" Ryosei Nishimura asked. Ryosei, his first name...would he be happy if I called him at least that? He really wasn't any kind of father in my eyes.

"That was..." I racked my brain trying to remember the boy's name. "Anenokoji Shingen. We met at an ice-skating rink once..." And I'd dumped him after two months for some reason...

"So, what is Chikayo like? He seems like a pretty nice guy."

Never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined I would ever be sitting at a table with my biological male creator, discussing boys. "He's...Chikayo is the greatest," I swallowed, unsure of what to say. "He's smart and caring..."  
"I don't mean to pry, but I'm really curious about what happened to his face...Was he burned in some sort of accident?"

"He was attacked by some kids after school one afternoon," I explained, feeling the bile rise up in the back of my throat as I remembered. "Some stupid homophobic pricks dragged him along bitumen and tore up his face. He's been really self-conscious since then, because people stare at him and get freaked out. It's hard for him to get a job or even go to a restaurant because people try to ignore him, or act as if he's some sort of criminal, but he's just a victim of intolerance."

"That's...that's horrible," Ryosei retorted, wrinkling his nose. "How horrible for him! Were the people who did it charged?"  
"Not long after, they all turned up dead."

"Kira...?"

"No, all random accidents. It just goes to prove that people get what they deserve," I said firmly. "I'm glad, but I wanted to...take care of things myself. I wanted to protect Chikayo."

"I must admit, I've been very...intolerant in my lifetime. I did ridicule one particular gay person back in my high school days, I must have made his life hell, but I can't imagine ever having...I would never have scarred him or disfigured him the way Chikayo has been."

"You didn't scar him on the outside, but I bet you made your mark on the inside," I told Ryosei flatly. He examined me closely for a moment.

"No doubt I did," he said finally. "Are you speaking from your own experience, there?"

"Whatever doesn't kill us...only makes us stronger," I explained bitterly. "I got kicked out of school a fair bit because of the fights I'd get into over it. I didn't let anyone put me down. Fuck, I was a role model for a bunch of kids who were different because I didn't let anyone push me around."

"Because I wasn't there to teach you how to settle things with words, then? I wasn't much of a father, Richie, I'm so sorry..."  
"You'd be a better one if you stopped calling me Richie. No one calls me that," I grudgingly told him. He gave me a smile that I hated, because it made me realise I was a mirror of him.  
"You'll always be Richie to me, never Nishi."  
"Then I'll call you Ryosei, it's too weird calling you anything else."

His eyes flashed wide open for a heartbeat, before he settled into a comfortable smile and glittering eyes. "Of course. It's been too long since you've called me anything at all."

"I've called you a prick and a dickhead often enough to Mum," I admitted, licking my spoon clean. "She didn't ever stop me."

"Because deep down, she knew how much I disliked swearing."

"Don't worry, I won't swear in front of the kid," I reassured him, grinning. "You sure have spoiled him, he acts a third of his age."

"I spoiled him twice as much, trying to make up for all that I was missing with you. I'm very much a coward, Richie, and nothing I do or say could ever erase all the hurt I've put you through. I can't imagine your mother ever raised you closely."

"She wasn't a bad Mum...She just didn't care, that's all. Or she did, but I wouldn't give in to her. I don't know where I got my stubborn streak from."

"Her, most likely. She never let me have my own way with things."

"Seeing your taste in ties, maybe that was a bit of a good thing," I commented, pointing to his pink tie that had green fishes printed on it. He gave me a sheepish look.  
"Usually my wife helps me pick out a decent tie. I'll admit, I'm no good in the fashion department, but your mother...Hell, she knew how to wear clothes! Always luscious reds and secretive blacks..." His eyes seemed to glaze over with memory, before he slammed his palm loudly on the table. "But that doesn't matter now! That's all done with."

"Dad, I've brushed my teeth, and I'm ready for bed," Jacky announced, padding into the room, dressed in what appeared to be a girl's pink nightdress with lace hems. I stared.

"Have you finished your homework?" Ryosei asked, finishing his coffee. Jacky gave him a guilty smile.

"I've just got a few maths questions I haven't done, but I've finished everything else."  
"Nishi, why don't you help Jacky finish his homework off while I do these dishes? You're welcome to stay the night, if you like."

"I can't, Uncle Matsu is waiting for me at home, but I'll help Jacky before I go," I allowed, getting up. Jacky gave me a broad smile and bounced up and down, leading me to his bedroom. At first, I wondered where his bed was, until I realised it was buried under a mountain of stuffed toys of all sizes, shapes and colours.  
"Where did you get all of these?" I asked, picking up a blue turtle and examining it closely.

"That's a turtle from Mon Repos," Jacky explained, sitting down at his work desk which was littered with manga and various school books. "Mum and Dad go overseas all the time and they always bring me back an animal teddy from wherever they go. But they never leave at the same time, because they wouldn't leave me at home by myself."

"Looks like they've been all over the world," I commented, picking up a camel and a llama. Jacky nodded absently as he twirled his pencil in his hair. "So, what problems are you having?"

"I'm learning Pythagoras at school and I just don't get it," Jacky complained, showing me his worksheet. I stifled a laugh at memory of Light's intention to get a dog. I'd have to remind him, or perhaps he was waiting until L came back before they'd go out and pick one.

"What are you laughing at?" Jacky asked, frowning and folding his arms. I raised a brow.  
"Why are you wearing a dress?"

"Its not a dress! It's a nightie!" he protested, thrusting out his bottom lip.

"Only girls wear nighties," I snorted, poking the offending item of clothing. "Look, its all frilly and everything." If it had long sleeves that bunched at the bottom, it could be pulled off as Lolita....No. I wasn't going to admit that I'd ever wear such a thing.

"Well, its nice and airy," Jacky huffed, lifting his chin up in the air. "If you don't like it, that's too bad."

"No, its fine. I've got no problem," I sighed, turning back to the maths questions. Why did he remind me so much of myself?

***

"The hospital has done a great job with this garden," I commented, pushing L in his wheelchair around the small area. A butterfly floated past, as light as air.

"What if Misa only told you I was going to live longer just to make you happy?" L asked, holding a flower to his nose. He looked so much more alive under the sun, instead of inside in his hospital room, his smile never looked so real before.

"It wouldn't matter. I've decided I don't need to know how long you have to live," I told him, parking him under a shady tree. "I just want to spend every minute I have with you, instead of wasting it worrying about how much time I have left. I'd rather walk with you out in the sun for a short period of time instead of lying with you in hospital watching you take your medicine which would keep you alive for twice as long. It's about the quality of the life you live, not how long you live it," I smiled, setting at his feet and reaching for his hand.

"I'm glad that you've come to that conclusion," L murmured, kissing my fingertips before reaching into his pocket and producing a cherry-flavoured lollipop. I hadn't seen him consume any kind of sweet in so long. "What are you thinking about, Light?"  
"Thinking about your lips."  
"Is that so? What about them?"

"I was thinking that they'd taste pretty good right now, compared to how plastic and tasteless they've been while you were fed with a tube..."

"Would you like to taste them?"

"I never ask, I take," I grinned, getting up and pecking his lips before involving him in a deeper kiss. I was right, he tasted so much sweeter. He moaned gently against my lips, entwining his fingers in my hair like they used to. It felt so real and so right. I could breathe again, knowing L's breaths wouldn't be his last, and even if they were, I had found some peace with that. I could deal with it easier now.

"I love you, you know," he murmured softly, stroking my cheek. "Please don't you ever forget that."

"You have never stopped loving me, despite everything I have ever put you through. That's more than I could ever deserve, my love," I told him seriously, looking into his beautiful ebony eyes that seemed so alive and full of light now. The stars in his eyes must have been hidden behind a curtain before, but now, when he was visibly bursting with happiness and contentment, the two once smoky and empty dark orbs were bright and full of depth again, showing the intense galaxy that I loved to examine and gaze upon after making love with him. Oh _god _how I loved him!

***

"Go Chikayo!"  
I sunk down lower in my seat, covering my eyes with the baseball cap Chikayo had given me, as Jacky jumped up and down beside me, waving his arms wildly, cheering my boyfriend on. Why had I even mentioned to Chikayo that Ryosei wanted me to spend more time with Jacky? Chikayo thought the messy little monkey was adorable and had dragged us both along to watch his game. First, I hated sports, it was boring. Two, I hated watching sports with Jacky who was going nuts with his cries of support and little rhymes he was coming up with on the spot.

"If I get you an ice-cream, will you shove your gob and shut up?" I groaned. Jacky looked down at me and beamed.

"I love the rainbow ones! Do they have rainbow ice-cream?"

"They have 'you get what your bloody given' flavour, I know that. Wouldn't you rather have chocolate? Rainbow is so...gay."

"I want rainbow," he pouted, hands on his hips.  
"What are you, five?"  
"I'm fourteen!"

"Turning three?"

"No! I'm fourteen!" he shouted, little blotches of red showing on his cheeks. I rolled my eyes.

"How can you be fourteen? You're a freaky little nut bag, you know that? You need to grow up."

"Maybe _you _need to grow down," Jacky retorted, putting his baseball cap on backwards and turning back to the game. "Go Chikayo! You can do it! Knock their heads off!"

Chikayo would have to make this up to me later, for being such a softie and letting Jacky come. I could be doing something so much more important right now, then watch a bunch of unattractive guys hit and catch a stupid ball. Well, they weren't all half bad, there were some nice guys who clearly worked out, but none had the slim, tall build of Chikayo. None of them were as naturally good looking, and I was not biased. The game wasn't over yet, but half-time would be coming up soon.

"I'm going to go get some ice-cream," I grumbled, standing and working my way off of the grandstands and nearly went back when I saw the queue to the ice-cream van that was parked in the shade, supplying ice-cream for the event. I took my place, checking my watch occasionally. It seemed the line got longer instead of shorter, with more customers arriving than customers being served.  
"Aw, fuck this line," a kid behind me grumbled. Stupid thirteen year olds with their boxers hanging out, acting like they're so tough. He had two friends beside him, and they marched in front of me and stood in front of an elderly woman, glaring at her as if to dare her to protest. If she wasn't, I bloody well was.  
"Hey, no cutting in line," I growled, grabbing one of them on the shoulder and pulling them back. "You can wait like everybody else."

"We didn't cut in line, you fruit cake," one of the boys sneered, looking me up and down, taking in my bright aqua coloured jeans and black frilly Lolita shirt.  
"Piss off," the first boy spat, raising his chin threateningly.

"Say that to him again," I heard someone growl dangerously. I jumped in surprise as Chikayo stepped in front of me. The boys stared at his face for a moment, shocked and a little scared. "Go to the back of the line," Chikayo ordered.  
"F-freak!" one of the rebellious boys stuttered before leaving quickly with his friends. Chikayo's shoulders heaved for a moment, as he took in deep breaths. I could almost feel his heart wrench from his chest as the elderly woman in front of us took one look at him and also agreed that he was too frightening to look at and left the line.

"That was awesome, Chikayo! You sure showed them!" Jacky chirped, appearing at my side.  
"Shut up, twerp," I grimaced, taking Chikayo's hand and bringing it to my lips. What an ungrateful woman...and those stupid kids...

"Please...kiss me," Chikayo near-mouthed, searching my eyes for a distraction. I smiled and willingly kissed him, determined that I'd kill him by not letting him breathe with the intensity of the kiss. He keened softly against my lips, before finally pulling away.

"Let's go home," he sighed, taking off his baseball cap and ruffling his sweaty hair. "I don't want to play anymore."

"You've only got another half to go. You can't just leave half-way through a game," I told him, determined not to let my own feelings about boring sports interfere with what was best for him.

"I'm not in the mood all of a sudden," he shrugged, putting his cap back on and pulling it low over his eyes.

"You _have _to play," I insisted, putting my hands on his hips and pulling him close. "I was going to give you something special if you won. If you just walk out, you don't get anything."

"Is it really worth that much to you?" he groaned, tucking his hands into the pockets in the back of my jeans, cupping me.

"Yeah, because sport and stuff like that is important to you. You were loving this game, I could tell. You got a homerun, didn't you? You're the best pitcher on the team, they _need _you and tonight _I _need you. If you give up now...you'll be letting yourself down, you'll be letting your team down and you'll be letting me down,, because I want you tonight."

"So...if I win this game...?"

I sucked on his bottom lip and gave him a seductive smile.

"Just think of all the bragging rights you get over the other team," Jacky piped up, pushing us forward so we'd stop holding up the line. "You have to win, Chikayo. Just think of all the things to could say to the losers."  
"That's poor sportsmanship and just plain mean," I told him wisely. In my head, I was thinking of all the times I had ever won at something and had rubbed the loser's faces in it. I had done it so well that it could be considered an art.

Chikayo didn't need much more coaxing, and sure enough, he was the star of his team, the key player. And Jacky was the loudest when it came to cheering.

"Well done," I grinned, watching as Chikayo detangled himself from his team who were engaging in celebratory hugs and slaps on the back. He hugged me tightly and swung me around in a circle, laughing.

"We won," he bubbled, kissing me. "Thanks to you and Jacky encouraging me."  
"I think you have a fan boy for life," I told him, raising an eyebrow as Jacky cheered and did a victory dance before pulling the bottom of his shirt over his head and running around in large circles, arms spread like an airplane. "I think he's retarded or something."

"Actually, I bet if you weren't so grown up, you'd be doing the same thing," Chikayo grinned, kissing my neck. "You're getting older and you care too much what people think of you now."

"Aw, shut up and go celebrate with your team," I snorted, pushing him away. I didn't want to admit that he was right. "You go celebrate and I'll figure out how to contact Peter Pan so I can be one of the Lost Boys and be young forever."

"Come with me, the team wants to meet you," he smiled, taking my hand and pulling me towards the throng of young men. "Everyone, this is my boyfriend, Nishi."

"Hey, Nishi!" one beamed, shaking my free hand. It seemed everyone was examining me, and I wasn't surprised. Maybe I dressed like a gay, whereas Chikayo didn't give off any gay vibe at all, so they were curious. I remember being just as curious as a kid, wondering how gay men 'did it'.

"So this is Chikayo's mysterious boyfriend," another player grinned. "I was starting to wonder if he was just making you up."

I'd never met any of Chikayo's team-mates, and Chikayo was nice enough not to mind that I didn't want to swing by at practice to watch him play. Though, I had to admit, I often enjoyed just watching him move. If I were an artist, I'd never run out of inspiration, watching the way he moved, the way he swung his arms or the way he ran. He had such beautiful, athletic movement that came so naturally to him...I was more awkward, more the 'swing arms and march heavily' kind of person. I had no grace at all, except when cooking. I had to admit, Uncle Matsu had some skill in the kitchen, and it was rubbing off on me lately.

"Are you guys coming to the celebration tonight?" the Captain of the team asked, his smile wordlessly meaning I was expected to go with Chikayo. "Winning the first game of the season party! I reckon we should just sit back and let them give us the trophy, there's no way anyone can beat us!"

***

"What should I wear?" I asked Chikayo, as he lay on my bed, watching me compare two pairs of jeans.  
"I think you should just go in nothing," he smiled, "I wouldn't complain."

"I'm not going to your party naked," I snorted. "And I don't want to wear anything that might get dirty, but I also don't want to turn up in something disgusting, but I don't want to come off as trying too hard..."  
"Nishi, you don't need to wear anything special. It's just a party."

"You're right, I would look hotter in my skinny jeans," I replied absently, as I shimmied out of my jeans and reached for a new pair. Would a shower be needed now? Did I smell?

"Please, Nishi...I tried so hard for you this afternoon..." I turned to see Chikayo thrusting out his bottom lip playfully, eyes wide and wanting. I tried to stop the smile spreading across my face.

"Don't you enjoy helping me pick out an outfit as much as you enjoy sleeping with me?"  
"I'd rather undress you than dress you, yes."

"I don't want to be late."

"It won't take long," he promised, biting his bottom lip in a way he knew was irresistible to me. I gave a mock sigh and tossed the jeans away, before slipping out of all my clothes entirely and crawled onto my bed until I was straddling him. He looked so hot beneath me, his hair getting too long and falling into his eyes, his lips parted for breath and stretched into a beautiful smile. I almost didn't want to kiss him, but stay like this and keep admiring how he looked.

***

His blue eyes continued to watch me, as his fingers gently traced my face, examined the length of my nose, the shape of my brow and moved down to my lips. I parted them further, taking his hand in mine and gently guided his index finger into my mouth, flicking it with my tongue before attempting to suck on it. I was rewarded with a gasp, and I increased the pressure, smiling as he closed his eyes and grinned, throwing his head back.

"Nishi, can I borrow...Oh. Am I interrupting something?"

I grimaced and looked past Nishi to see Mello standing in the doorway that led to the bathroom, a huge smirk on his face. What was with him always interrupting? Did he do it on purpose? How could he possibly know when...?

"What do you want, jerk?" Nishi barked, glaring at my chest, not wanting to turn around and face Mello, especially as naked and bare as he was.

"I was going to ask if I could borrow a pen, but you know, don't worry about it. I'll go scab one off Matsuda."

"Good. Get lost," I called, trying not to laugh. Mello chuckled and shut the door, but not before giving me the finger. I smiled up at Nishi, seeing how irked he was. "You're so beautiful, you know that, my darling?" I told him, speaking gently and reached up to stroke his cheek. It was true, and it distracted him like I wanted.

"Darling?" he questioned, raising a delicate brow. I smiled, trying not to blush.

"That's what my dad used to call my mum all the time. Back when they weren't trying to tear each other's throats out."

"That's...cute."

"Stop talking," I murmured, pulling him down into a heated kiss. Anything to distract him from me calling him something so girly. Damn it. I was so _gay_. He moaned against my lips, his fingers sliding down to work at the buttons on my shirt. I kissed him harder, to encourage him, but it only distracted him. It was hard to concentrate on giving a good kiss and do something so simple as unbutton something or even run your fingers through someone's hair.

I would be happy to just kiss him until the end of forever, but Nishi had other ideas and so did my groin. I gave a playful growl and rolled us until I was atop him, between his lovingly spread legs. I kissed his pert nipples, before sucking on them softly. Nishi loved it when I was soft and teasing, instead of rough and demanding, which was why I nipped his soft flesh only gently.

He moaned in my ear, and tried to reach down, wanting to remove my pants.

"Please, I want you inside of me, now," he breathed, as I nuzzled his neck. "I can't wait."

His words vibrated my core, enflamed me. God, I just _wanted _him. I just wanted to be inside of him, to love him forever. I didn't need any of the other things life offered. This, doing this to Nishi..._with _Nishi, _this _was living. This was life. I didn't need anything else. Nishi was everything I could ever possibly need. I didn't need to see beautiful sunrises or sunsets when I had Nishi, I didn't need to feel the rain dance on my skin, or feel a breeze tease my hair. He was more beautiful than any sunrise or sunset, his lips on my skin didn't compare with the secondary feel of rain and his fingers tangling themselves in my hair felt so much more thrilling than any breeze.

"Chikayo," he cried out, his member hot and swollen against my stomach, becoming wet. That in itself was a huge turn on. I kissed his chest, the hollow of his collarbone and the length of his neck. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes barely open as he panted. I loved making him wait like this, even though it was driving me nuts. I could barely suppress myself from ripping my pants off and doing as he wanted.

"I love you," I breathed against his lips, evoking a moan. He arched his back, trying to press himself to me, touch me as much as he could with his burning body. "Nng...You're so hot, Nishi."

"Chikayo, please," he begged, his eyes moist, thrusting his hips up to grind with mine. I sucked on his earlobe, nipped it with my teeth, making him cry out, covering his mouth with the back of his hand to muffle the sound. I grinned and increased the pressure, wanting him to move his hand. I wanted to hear him moan.

I moved back, kissing a trail from his throat to his taut belly, watching as he flushed with colour and warmth. He was like a sun. He was warm and he gave me life.

***

"Hey, Jeevas, Jeevas, guess what," I managed, holding my stomach to stop myself from laughing. "Guess what Nishi and Chikayo are doing upstairs right now."

"Uh...having sex?"

"Yeah! And I walked in on them!" I burst into laughter, until I noticed Matt wasn't laughing with me. He stared, unimpressed at the screen of his little Nintendo. "Did you hear me?"  
"Yeah, I heard you," he answered, shrugging. "It's not that funny."

"Funny? It is funny! It's very funny! Why aren't you laughing? It's hilarious! I walked in on them making out! They were totally embarrassed!"

"I still don't find that funny."

Crap. That's right, Matt and I weren't friends any more. Okay, Mells, just laugh it off. Make fun of him. Initiate an insult. "That's right, you're a homophobe. You don't like two guys having sex, right?" He didn't even move, didn't give a sign he'd even heard me. What a jerk! "Makes me wonder why Light and L even let you live here, or how you can even stand living here. I mean, there's Nishi and Chikayo, Light and L, heck, if you have the guts to think about it, Sparkles and Matsuda. This house is full of queers. Aren't you scared it's contagious? You'll get gay if you stay here."

Once again, he ignored me. I bit back an annoyed cry and tried not to kick the decorate plant that Matsuda kept on the coffee table in my anger. I scooped out a handful of tiny decorative rainbow pebbles from the plant and settled back on the couch, throwing the tiny plastic pebbles almost lazily at Jeevas, one by one.

He ignored me at first, but I could see when his brows began to lower and settle moodily over his eyes. "What's wrong, Matt?" I taunted, chucking more pebbles at him. "Pissed off, are you? Need a smoke? Those cancer-sticks are going to kill you one day, you know. Why don't you have one now? The more you have, the sooner you'll cark it. Face it, nobody wants you around, anyway." He took a deep breath, as if he were going to retort angrily, but he thought better of it, and kept his mouth shut. "Come on, Jeevas. Do the world a favour and kill yourself. You're just a stupid homophobe. Gay hater. Gay basher. I bet you bashed Light and Chikayo. You did, didn't you? Because you're a sick bastard, I bet you'd do some sick shit like that, Jeevas, you're the type-"  
"SHUT UP, MELLO!" Matt roared, getting to his feet and stomping over, dropping his game and slugging me in the jaw. I stared wide-eyed at him, stunned, before I leapt at him, trying to tackle him onto the floor.  
"Stupid fag-hater!" I hated him! I hated him for hating who I was. I hated him for ignoring me. I couldn't help that I liked fucking guys. If he had a problem...I just wanted to punch him in his stupid face! Why did he have to have a problem with me? I thought we would be best friends forever! Except he had to be a stupid homophobe and he couldn't accept me for who I was...

Matt took a step back, his hands gripping my upper arms tightly, and tripped over the edge of the couch. He fell backwards, pulling me with him, causing me to land on him. His pain gave me the chance to pull my arms from his grip and punch him in the face.

"Mello," he breathed, winded. I scowled down at him, perched on his stomach.

"Wanna say something, fag-hater?" He reached up and touched his jaw that I hoped would swell painfully. He touched his lip, looking at his finger as if he expected it to be bleeding.

"Remember at Whammy's, when you first told me you liked guys?" he asked, panting for breath. "I told you I didn't care."

"Then what's your problem now, dickhead?" I retorted angrily.

"When you got boyfriends..."

"So, you can't handle me having boyfriends? You thought you could handle me dating guys, but you just couldn't get used to it? Well, get over it, Matt. You shouldn't even care! If I like guys, that's none of your bloody business and you should just fuck off!" Contrary to what I said, I was the one that got off of him and marched out.  
"That's not what I meant," he tried to gasp, coughing to clear his throat, but I wasn't going to give him the chance to talk to me about it. I didn't want to waste my time with a guy who was supposed to be my best friend but hated me for what I was. I hated that I still cared about him, when he obviously didn't care about me. He was the one who broke our friendship up, not me.

***

Hey everybody! Merry Christmas! Well, I hope to have another chapter up before then, anyway! I got a lot of responses on the last chapter, and I expect a lot more for this one!

L is okay! He isn't going to die! I'm sure I've made every single one of you happy, because I think I've got more emails from people begging me not to kill them than Lawliet has sugars in his tea! But it's still not going to be easy for him! He's still got cancer, and while it may not kill him, it will still have an impact on their lives. So, who's up for kinky wheel chair sex!? XD

Now it's time for....DUN DUN DUN!!! AUTHOR QUESTIONS!! YAY!

1. Matt and Mello have returned to the centrefold and what memories are going to be trudged up? I want a vote! Would you rather read in:

a) Mello's POV

b) Matt's POV

c) You don't care because I'm so bloody brilliant anyway.

2. Anyone want to take a guess at what kind of breed Pythagoras is going to be? (Thanks to mello-winter yet again for the brilliant name idea)

3. Are you happy about Lawliet being alive?

4. What do you think of Lawliet's plan to kill himself on his death bed by writing in the Death Note? Did you like being able to get into Watari's head and see L's thoughts so closely?

5. Overall opinion of this chapter? Anything that needs improving? Any requests for the future? Questions?

6. Recommend any good Harry Potter yaoi fanfics?

So, I really hate not being able to reply to people (why for does this happen!?), so I'd love to reply to AmeRosable in my Author Notes, because her review really made an impact ^w^

I wish I had a Gibberish: English translation dictionary! XD I always thought my fic was like a soap opera, but I wanted it to be more realistic and less "Today is a stalker, tomorrow is a fire, day after that we'll have a cyclone, day after that we'll have a relationship break-up...." I can't believe you talked to your friend about it. Was it really that good? ^w^

I forgive you for not reviewing so long ago, because your review is awesome and you did eventually get around to it! XD

I LOVE YOU TOO! I WILL MARRY YOU IN VEGAS! Even though you just want me for mah story....*sniff sniff* XD Anything for a Lawliet cosplayer!

I feel like a taco, so if the Mexican trapped inside your head could just...you know...make one for me? That'd be great!

Thanks for your awesome review and I expect more from you! *hugs*


	19. Chapter 19

He was such a thick-headed _blonde_. And I was a fool. Mello would never love me back, no matter what I did or what I said. He wouldn't listen to me.

I rubbed my jaw, holding back a groan of pain. Mello had always been pretty physical and could throw a decent punch if he wanted. I wasn't as rough as he was, but I remembered back at Whammy's, when Mello got into fights, I would dive in right behind him to back him up. We were a team. Partners.

While Mello could be violent to the point where if he got frustrated playing a game like chess, he'd whip out his gun and blast the crap out of the board, he could also be gentle. No one could guess that Mello had a soft side, but I'd seen it. When we were kids, huddled in bed together, under the sheets, reading a book together by torchlight, barely breathing in case we got caught. And Mello could never stay up as late as I could, no matter how hard he tried. He'd fall asleep, head falling onto my shoulder and in his sleep, he'd curl around me. I never felt safer than when Mello and I were lying together like that, but I'd never admit it to him. If he felt the same, he never said anything.

Mello and I used to tell each other everything. We never had secrets. I never had a secret until I realised that I wanted nobody else, that I was in love with Mello and I couldn't stop. We were orphans, and we had nobody but each other in those long and pretty much lonely days. I loved him like he was the only person in my world, because he really was the only person in my world. It was such a natural thing that I didn't even notice when my love for him grew into something different. I'd always loved him as my best friend, but I couldn't put my finger on when exactly I'd begun to love him as more than that.  
No. Mello wasn't my brother and he wasn't my best friend. He was more than that. He was...the other half of me. I was nobody without him. Back at Whammy's, nobody noticed me. The only person who saw me was Mello. And everybody saw him. His personality was larger than life, he was always determined to win and he was a troublemaker from the start. I don't think Mello ever realised that I only became L's third successor because he believed in me. I wouldn't have the confidence in myself if Mello hadn't been there for me. That's why, without Mello was and would have been a complete nobody, worthless and without purpose in life. I'd tried so hard...just so he would notice me.

Mello was my reason for living. I was supposed to be his best friend, support him and help him in any way I could...if he needed a lover, then I'd be that for him. Now that Mello had left me, treated me with this hate...I felt...abandoned. I felt angry. I was stubborn in my own way, and I didn't want to admit that I wanted to get on my knees and _beg _him to take me back. I wanted to apologise for being such a jealous person, for wanting to bash that stupid loser he was sleeping with who was no good for Mello. I wanted to be Mello's everything, and I didn't like other people trying to fill that role. I couldn't fill it without Mello's encouragement, though. He had always cheered me on, but it was clear that Mello didn't want me filling this role...If he didn't want me being his lover, then I'd submit as I always had to his wishes...even if was crushing my heart. Mello had always wanted me to be happy, once. I could make him happy, if he'd let me be happy by loving him.

Today, I lay in the long, uncut grass behind the fence of Light and L's home that grew on either side of the train tracks. The apple tree had grown over the fence and provided me some shelter from the sun, but it didn't block my view of the clouds as they drifted so lazily past, to a distant place. All the clouds moved together...like one big family. Where were they going? Did they all meet in the same place? A herd of clouds...Were they happy up in the sky like that, riding the breeze, tickled by the sun and admired by sleepy, stuck-in-the-past boys like myself? Could I become a cloud someday? If I died? It seemed like such a warm, happy place to be, surrounded by other clouds, merging with other clouds...like a family. I'd never had a family. Mello was the closest I ever had to family. When I was with him, I would feel so light and carefree...like a cloud.

I quickly blinked away the moisture in my eyes, as if doing so could rid my thoughts of Mello. Everything reminded me of him. I rolled onto my side, noticing that the dry, golden grass was the same colour as his beautiful hair. It made me want to scream.

***

I rode my new motorbike through the streets of Japan, admiring the sights, relishing the sound of the gears, enjoying the transitions and the speed. Looking at the streets ahead of me, it reminded me of one of Matt's video games. If I hit someone on the footpath, would I get fifty points? We'd always joked about that, once upon a time. But that was before that jerk left me. Left me in that apartment, tending to my beaten and bloody boyfriend who I dumped the next day. Not that he was much of a boyfriend but more of a companionable fuck.

I had to forget Matt. That was the reason why I'd stolen this beautiful bike, getting high off the power between my legs that sent me flying through the streets. I kept my eyes straight ahead, trying to clear my head, when I thought I saw a black and white striped shirt on the footpath in the corner of my eye. No, it was nobody. I took a deep breath inside my helmet, trying to still my racing heart.  
I changed into a higher gear, wanting more speed. Adrenaline pumped through my veins like a drug. Matt would love this. I could picture him on the back of the bike behind me like usual, his arms wrapped around my waist as we sped away on a bike we'd stolen outside of a biker's bar. There was nothing more...I never felt so alive than when we experienced that thrill that had us in hysterics afterwards, high on life. Doing dangerous stuff...Matt never stopped me, provided he was allowed to come with me. He always told me that if I jumped off a building and broke my legs, I'd be stuck in bed for ages, so he'd jump with me and we could be bedridden together. I always challenged him; what if I died? He always replied the same. He'd die too, because I was too much fun and running around causing havoc in the afterlife would be more fun than life on earth by himself. And we'd both promised each other we'd come back as ghosts and haunt the other to prove that the afterlife existed.

Stupid Matt. What was his fucking problem? Why was it so bad that two men could fall in love? I was so lucky. I had never told him, despite wanting to, every day of my life, that I loved him and wanted to be with him. If I had, what would he have done? Would he have hit me?

Probably not, Matt was a gentle kind of guy, despite his love for gore films and violent games.

When I lost my family in a house fire, I never wanted to go to Whammy's. I didn't give a fuck. I was scared shitless, but when I saw Matt, I felt like I had to impress him, and I did so, by trying to become the number one. To become L's number one successor. I wanted Matt's attention. I never felt safer than when I was with him, because I knew he'd always protect me, and I'd always protect him. We always had each other's back. I could never do half the crazy, foolish, dangerous stuff I did without him. Without his smile, without the bandaids he kept in his pocket, without his support. He was my wingman. My best friend. My...everything, for a very long time.

I looked up at the sky, admiring the shape of the clouds, noticing how one seemed to look like the number 'eight'...or perhaps it looked more like a peanut...But maybe...it looked more like the shape of Matt's orange goggles I'd gotten him for his twelfth birthday.

"Shit!" I shouted, working through the gears as fast as I could, trying to slow down. But my moment of not paying attention was enough to have my bike ram into the back of a car and have me thrown over the handlebars and on top of the car. I groaned, knowing I'd be bruised later on. I should've been watching where I was going, instead of thinking about that idiot...

"Hey, are you okay?" someone asked. I noticed other people beginning to gather. I pulled off my helmet and pushed myself off of the car.  
"I'm fine," I shrugged, putting my helmet on the roof of the car where I had dented it slightly, trying to catch my winded breath. "Sorry about that, I've never ridden this bike before, I wasn't used to the clutch..." I walked off, or rather, staggered onto the sidewalk and merged with the crowd, leaving the stolen motorbike behind. I was over my joy ride and I wasn't in the mood to sort out insurance or pay for any damage. It was only an old beat up station wagon anyway, and I was paying for it in bruises and perhaps even a fractured rib. It didn't matter.

If Matt had been with me, he would have stayed behind and tried to apologise more but I figured the car owner could just keep the bike and sell it. Maybe they'd get charged with accessory to selling stolen goods or something like that. Some people were desperate for a dollar these days though. Or a Yen, depending on how you looked at it.

Except Near. Near never cared about money. I remembered at Whammy's, when all the kids would fight over scrap coins they found in the streets so they could buy lollies at the store down the road. I remember I'd found ten pounds and I'd tried to taunt Near with it, holding it over his head and bringing it everywhere with me, but he never reacted. He didn't care. So I bought as much chocolate as I could with the money and savoured the treats in front of him, but he still didn't react. Though he did tell me I was going to make myself sick, which I was and did, making sure to vomit all over his bed.

I'd always loved chocolate, and Matt always saved his after-dinner chocolate for me so I wouldn't go around bullying the other kids for more (which I still did anyway). I could never resist chocolate, even though I felt guilty that I took Matt's share, he pretended he didn't like chocolate or sweet things that much and I pretended to believe him.  
I remembered trying to convince Matt that I would never have to brush my teeth ever again and instead I could eat chocolate with the mint filling. I chuckled to myself, remembering Matt's crooked grin as I attempted to melt the mint chocolate and used it on my toothbrush to brush my teeth. Matt...what happened between us?

We used to be so close...and we've drifted so far apart. It was driving me nuts. Maybe I needed to call Maura. Maybe she'd want to hang out or something. She was always up for fun, maybe she'd like to rob a store with me or something. Something totally reckless, because Matt wasn't here to stop me and tell me that we'd had enough fun for one day and we could get into serious trouble.

I pulled out my mobile and groaned as I realised it had been crushed by my own body as I landed onto the car. I didn't know Maura's phone number off by heart, but there was one number that I did know. Maybe _he _could make me feel better.

I pulled change out of my pocket and found a row of phone booths. I figured that some of the phones weren't working, seeing as there were queues waiting for certain ones and the rest remained untouched. I picked a line and waited, and finally I got my turn. I put in as much change as I could and dialled the number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Near, it's Mello. Whatcha been up to?"

"I'm currently engaged in trying to solve a case. And yourself?"

"Oh, you know, taking a break in Japan. I'm actually thinking of moving here, there's plenty of trade that I can get into and there's nothing like training under L first hand..." I trailed off, taunting him with the lie. L hadn't been giving me any guidance at all about cases.

"I see. I'm glad to hear you're enjoying yourself."

"Believe me, I am," I forced out, trying to sound like I wasn't making it up. "It's tons of fun here. You wouldn't like it though. Or let me rephrase; I wouldn't like you here."

"As blunt as ever, I see."  
"You know, I rang you up to have a conversation and you're just restating everything I'm telling you. That's no fun."

"Why did you ring me, Mello?" Near asked, getting to the point. I scowled into the receiver.  
"What do you think of two guys being in love?" I grumbled. "Are you for or against?"

"If you're referring to yourself and myself, that would never happen. But if you and Matt have finally decided to tell each other how you feel-"  
"Don't kid around, you loser! I'm being serious!"  
"As am I." I hated Near and I hated his stupid monotonous voice. He had no expression and it frustrated me to no freakin' end. "Why are you asking this, Mello?"

"Because Matt is a homophobe and I just don't get how anyone could think that way. I thought you could explain it, because you're such a freak yourself."

"Well...I suppose it has been ingrained into Matt's subconscious, perhaps. But I don't think he's homophobic at all...I do recall he's made jokes in the past regarding it, but I never believed he had any serious hatred for same-sex relationships and such. I would point out that he does live with Light and L who are married and he is your best friend. You've never quite hidden how...flamboyant you are, especially at the wedding. I don't believe Matt really likes Chikayo so much, but then, I'm not around to observe their relationship...Can I assume Matt was the first person you ever told that you were bisexual?"

I let out a long breath. "You are full of crap," I said slowly, stressing the words. I hung up, slamming the receiver down, feeling more messed up and confused than I did before making the call. Insulting Near over the phone just wasn't as fun as insulting him right to his face. Stupid Near. What did he know about Matt? Matt was _my _best friend, not his...Well...Matt _used_ to be my best friend. Not now. Stupid Near.

He was right about Matt being the first person I'd ever told about how I liked guys, though.

***

_"What do you think?" I asked, running my fingers through my newly straightened hair. Matt looked up and studied me for a moment, his tongue moving his cigarette from one side of his mouth to the other._

_"It looks the same as before."_

_"Like hell it does!" I scowled, looking in the mirror. "It's more straight then before."_

_"Your hair was already unnaturally straight like that, Mells."_

_"Yeah, sure," I snorted, admiring the gloss of my hair. "It's more shiny, too."  
"You know that's impossible. Your hair was already shiny."_

_"You don't know anything," I grimaced over my shoulder at him. He rolled his eyes and turned back to his game. "Not that _your_ opinion _matters, _but does it make me look hot?" _

_Matt looked up, a little surprised, before he smiled. "You were already hot."_

_"I'm being serious!" I complained, pulling the hair straightener out of the power socket. "I really want to look good."_

_"What for?" he asked, frowning. I flushed, remembering the reason. I busied myself with tying up my shoelaces as I answered him._

_"I've got a crush on someone and I want to ask them out."_

_"You do?" he asked, surprised. I could understand why, usually when I liked someone, I would shout it out at them and I'd chat Matt's ear off about every tiny thing about them. The fact I hadn't said anything at all about this person meant that it was different._

_"Yeah...It's a guy," I muttered, loud enough for him to hear. _

_"A...a guy?"  
"Yup. I was going to tell you, but I didn't want it to be weird or anything between us."_

_"Mells...I think that's great. I didn't want it to be weird, either."_

_"Really?" I asked, hopeful. He didn't mind at all? He had a big, huge happy smile on his dopey face, patches of pink on his cheeks. I flushed and shoved my hands in my pockets. "Then you can help me ask him out. I don't want to be by myself if he rejects me."_

_"Huh?" He seemed to freeze, holding his breath. I was equally confused. Didn't he just say he didn't care that I liked guys? Or was it too soon or too much for him?_

_"I want you to help me ask Forest out." There, I said it. _

_"Forest?" he frowned, looking disappointed. I blinked._

_"What? Don't like my choice in guys?"_

_"No...I mean, no, that's not it. I just mean...I think you should just ask him out by yourself. I mean, Forest doesn't like me, so he probably wouldn't want to go out with you if I'm hanging around."_

_"Uh...sure." I watched as he turned back to his game, wondering if he was sick. He was looking kind of pale. "Well...uh...Jeevas?"_

_"Yeah?" he asked, looking a little annoyed. _

_"I just wanted to say thank you, for...for being okay about me liking boys."_

_"That's okay," he shrugged, turning back to his game quickly. _

_That night, after Forest rejected me and called me a stupid faggot, Matt let me spend the night with him and didn't say anything when I cried into his chest. He just put his arms around me, keeping me warm until we fell asleep. And the next day, he helped me plot revenge against Forest for teasing me and calling me a faggot._

_***_

"Morning, Uncle Matsu," I yawned, taking three goes to try and sit on the stool properly.  
"Morning, Nishi," Uncle Matsu smiled, putting down a plate of crumpets smothered in butter and honey down in front of me. "You won't believe what I saw this morning!"

"The ghost?" I guessed, excited. He shook his head.

"No! I saw Light this morning, and he was _singing_. You know, one of those new songs that's always on the radio. But he's really...happy. I think he and L have made up."

"Oh, that's great," I smiled, noticing how Light's happiness became infectious. His depression and lack of being around had started to cast an unconscious cloud over the house. It was hard not to smile. "Maybe L will come home soon. He's been away for a pretty long time."

"I can't get a hold of him. He never rings or answers his phone. I've tried calling Watari and he says that L can't use his phone where he's working. It must be some government place. Maybe even the White House!"

"That's the American thing, yeah?"

"Maybe he's met the President!"

"I'll bet he has," I shrugged, noticing that Matsuda was off in his own little dream world. What a weird guy.  
I reached for the newspaper when my phone began to ring. Ryosei? My father?

"Hello?" I answered cautiously. Did he want me to go to another dinner? Why was he ringing so early?"

"Richie! Good morning! I hope you're not still in bed."

"No, I'm just having breakfast."

"Ah, I see. Look, I'm sorry to ask, but it's a bit hard to call in a sitter or anything, but I've just got a call that my wife has just had an accident in London, so I'll have to fly out and help her home and take care of all her business that she was working on."  
"Uh...What do you want me to do?" Shit. Goddamn fuck. I didn't want to baby-sit!

"Just take care of your brother for me. It should only be a week. I'm very sorry about all this, Richie. You can stay here and you just need to make sure that he has breakfast and dinner, make sure he does his homework, that kind of thing. So you won't need to be there all day, you know."

"Okay. When do you want me over?" Never! Say you'll find someone else!

"Well, Jacky should be going to school soon, and he won't be home until the afternoon, so you'll just have to be there before he gets home. There's plenty of food here, and if you have any problems, you just have to call. He doesn't have any medication or anything, just remind him to feed his goldfish and brush his teeth."

"Sounds pretty easy then," I tried to say, without sighing. There was no way this was going to be easy.

"I'm very sorry about this Richie, you're doing me a huge favour."

"I know," I smiled wryly. I didn't owe him anything, and here I was, agreeing to baby-sit the kid who had probably been dropped off by aliens. "I'll be there before he gets home."

"Thank you _so _much, Richie."  
"Don't thank me. If he annoys me, I'm going to give him a good slap."

"He won't be any trouble. I've got to go. I'll talk to you shortly, okay?"  
"Sure. Bye." I hung up and shoved my phone deep in my pocket, as if I could muffle it completely and never be contacted again. Why was I such a sucker? Why did I agree to this? Because I had Matsu's nice genes? Because I wanted to do a good deed? Because I didn't know how to say 'no'? Deep down, perhaps it was just because I wanted to impress my father, and prove I could do something for him.

***

"Isn't it nice?" L murmured, turning the silver coin around in his fingers. "One of my doctors is from Australia, and he gave me this coin. Fifty cents."

"Interesting shape," I smiled, kissing his temple. He smiled back and leaned his face up, lips searching for mine. I happily obliged him and kissed him, stroking his cheek gently. He looked so much healthier since we'd started going for walks around the hospital's garden. The sunshine was doing him good, and more than one nurse had taken me aside and told me that his change in attitude was probably helping him become better. I couldn't tell them that he was happy simply because he knew this wouldn't kill him. He still got frustrated over how sick and weak he was, but he accepted it better, and was thinking as positively as he could, willing himself to get better so he could go home and continue on with life.

"This is the Heads side," L told me, showing me the side of the oddly shaped coin with an impression of an old woman wearing a crown. The Queen, perhaps? "And this is the tails," he smiled, showing me the image of a kangaroo and a large bird standing either side a crest, with the number fifty at the bottom.

"That's a big bird. Is it an ostrich or something?" I questioned, glad he was taking interest in something. He shook his head.  
"It is an emu, Light. Don't they teach you anything at school, my beautiful genius?"

"Do you expect me to memorize every native bird of every country that I've studied at school?" I teased back.  
"Did you know the emu and kangaroo can't walk backwards? And that both can kill people? Apparently the kangaroo has powerful fingers that attack your eyes, and the emu has powerful legs that kick you in the throat."

"As if a bird could kick that high," I snorted, wondering if I should help L back into his wheelchair and go back to the ward. It was very comfortable, sitting on this park bench, enjoying the warm sunshine. "I think you've been spending too much time with this doctor of yours. Is he handsome?"

"His hair is the colour of sponge cake with essence of vanilla, and he smells like cheap soap. He doesn't quite match the high standards you've created for me," L smiled, reaching for my hand and kissing my knuckles. "No one ever comes close to comparing with you."

"Good," I breathed, leaning in to kiss him. He chuckled against my lips, and pulled back so I could see the mischievous glimmer in his eyes.

"What are the odds of me tossing this coin and getting head?" he inquired. I blushed and tried not to laugh and pointed to his wheelchair.

"None whatsoever. You need all your strength to get better."

"But..."  
"When you're better, I will be more than happy to give you all that you want, and let you do whatever you want to me, but for now, you have to rest," I told him, kissing the tip of his nose.  
"It was worth a try," he sighed, putting the coin safely in his pocket and smiling. "I guess I'll just have to get better sooner, so I can relieve all this sexual tension between us."  
"Sexual tension?" I snorted, putting an arm around his waist and helping him get into his wheelchair. "You're full of it, Lawliet."

"I'm always filled with want for you, Light," he beamed, closing his eyes and settling back to rest. I stroked his hair for a moment, before pushing him back inside, the motion of the chair putting him to sleep.

***

"Wake up! Hey, wake up!"

"Argh!" I let out a strangled shout as I was drenched in cold water. The culprit stood above me, clutching a bucket. "What was that for, you little twerp!?"

"You were asleep, and I'm hungry. What's for dinner?" Jacky asked, dropping the bucket and putting his hands on his hips. I scowled, resisting the strong urge to put the bucket over his head and hit it a few times with a bat.

I sat up on the couch and tried to push my sopping hair out of my eyes. I'd only closed my eyes for a moment, thinking I'd be ready for him when he got home, but it looked like I'd fallen asleep for a few hours. "How about bacon and egg toasted sandwiches? That's a good dinner, right?"

"No. Bacon and eggs are only for breakfast," Jacky scowled. I narrowed my eyes at him and forced myself to get up, muffling a yawn with my knuckles as I strode...well, wobbled sleepily into the kitchen.

"Look, cereal is perfect for dinner," I grimaced, pulling open a cupboard and spotting a box of varied oats and sultanas. "It's either this or you starve. I'm not in the mood and neither can I cook. Tomorrow, I'll order some takeout or something, okay?" Jacky didn't answer as I poured the contents into two bowls. A small toy car fell into one of the bowls and I held it up, forcing myself to give the sceptical kid a broad grin. "See? Must be my lucky day, or its a sign that we're supposed to eat cereal tonight. Where are the spoons?"

"In the dishwasher," Jacky replied, unimpressed. Stupid, disbelieving, little punk.

I opened the dishwasher and saw that it was completely chock full of dirty dishes. "Isn't there any clean spoons in a drawer somewhere?"

"Nope."

"Fine. I can handle that," I shrugged, putting the spoons under the tap for a second and then wiping them on my shirt. "See? Easily fixed. What now...? Milk." I opened the sleek, silver, top-of-the-range fridge and looked for the milk. All my investigation revealed was that there was a lot of lettuce, some tomatoes, lots of jars of different flavoured mustard, a radish, some yoghurt, chocolate bars, a half-eaten sandwich and a jar full of pickles. Oh. And a carton of chocolate milk. Plenty of food, my ass!

"See? Chocolate milk! Extra flavour!" I almost shouted, trying to pretend that it didn't disgust me at all as I emptied the carton equally into the bowls. "Here! Eat up, kid!"

Jacky took his bowl and looked down at it for a moment, before looking back up at me, not buying me for a second. I forced a smile and took a mouthful of mine, careful not to touch the spoon as much as possible and closing my eyes, trying to not notice how disgusting this was. "Ugh...Uh...See? Tastes great. It's like a...like a healthy milkshake. A milkshake with healthy little chunks of sultana and wheat and stuff...Heck, its more of a thick shake! And you have to pay extra for thick shakes, so its obviously better! Come on, Jacky. _Eat it._"

God fucking damn it if I was going to make myself look like a fucking idiot, eating this disgusting stuff and not have him try it too! I wasn't going down without dragging him down with me. I almost watched with delight as he scooped up a spoonful and looked at it, and brought it close to his lips. But then...he sneezed. The bowl dropped from his hands.  
"No! I tried so hard to make that for you!" I shouted, watching it splatter everywhere. "You just go and sneeze and get it all over the floor! What kind of thanks is that for looking after you, huh?"

"Sorry," he muttered, not looking very sorry at all. "I'm going to have a bath. I'm not that hungry anymore. And by the way, the chocolate milk is off. I just didn't put it in the bin this morning."  
As soon as he was gone, I spat my unswallowed mouthful into the sink and washed my mouth out. Just the thought of chunky, spoiled chocolate milk had me close to retching. And he left me to clean up his mess!

In the end, Jacky and I silently agreed that we wouldn't be having anything for dinner.

I dragged out a blanket and pillow from Ryosei's room, not wanting to sleep in his large, luxurious and probably comfortable bed, and dumped them on the couch, making my nest there. I turned off all the lights but the bathroom so I could find my way just in case, and settled back on the wonderful couch. Talk about comfortable!

"Big brother?"

I groaned and looked to see Jacky standing almost nervously nearby, wearing a pair of blue striped pyjamas, hugging a furry brown bear. I wasn't sure which was worse. A boy that wore a nightgown, or that same fourteen year old boy hugging a bear. "What?" I grunted, hoping he didn't expect me to get up from my comfortable position.

"Um...my...Dad usually tucks me in at night. I get nightmares if he doesn't. Do you think...maybe...could you please?" He bit his lip, eyes downcast and cheeks tinged with embarrassment.  
This could prove for interesting blackmail later. Though he was so weird, maybe he wouldn't even care. Did he even have any friends? He was such a daddy's boy.

I pushed myself off of the couch and grumbled incoherently to myself and followed him to his bedroom. "Alright, get in," I ordered, pointing to the bed. I looked around as he did so, and spotted a goldfish bowl on his desk. "Did you feed him?"  
"Hmm? Mr Coco? Yeah, I fed him," Jacky mumbled, pulling the blankets up under his chin. How did one tuck someone in? Nobody had tucked me in for years, and Chikayo was usually in the bed with me and just pulled the blankets over us, hugging me until we fell asleep. I moved awkwardly to the bed and patted the covers hesitantly, smoothing the wrinkles out.

"Goodnight," I offered, reaching to turn off the bedside lamp.  
"Night," he whispered, rolling over and turning away from me. I wrinkled my nose, not even sure why I was annoyed and strode out, to fall back onto my beloved couch. In the morning, I was going to make that kid a nice big bowl of cement so he could harden up. He was fourteen and still needed to be tucked in because he had nightmares? When I was fourteen, I was sleeping in alleyways and in gardens, pretending to my mother that I was at a friends house, when instead I was off getting into trouble. I was lucky I had never gotten into drugs, really.

My phone began to ring in my pocket and I answered it, groaning with the effort of having to lift my hips into the air to retrieve it. "Hello?"

"How's the babysitting going, my love?"

"Like a house on fire. Everything is burning the fuck up."

Chikayo laughed softly in my ear. "Really? How come?"

"Ryosei said there was plenty of food here, but there's not. So I ate a bowl of cereal with spoiled chocolate milk, and the little snot muncher wanted to be tucked in because he has nightmares. I swear he's just like a two-year-old."

"You know...only a few months ago I was still being tucked in."

"Yeah, well..." How could I reply to that? After Chikayo got his face mashed in like a potato, I'd always insisted on staying with him until he fell asleep, and his mother still often checked on him at night. It would probably still be a few years until the nightmares went away. I forced a smile, as if it could lighten the mood which had suddenly dampened. "Why don't you come here and tuck me in?"

"I don't know...have you been a good boy?"  
"Mmn...Not really," I breathed into the phone, biting my lip. "Maybe you ought to spank me."

I heard a snort that didn't come from Chikayo on the line. I looked up to see Jacky grinning ear to ear behind the couch. I dropped the phone and launched myself over the couch, falling into a heap. "Get back here, boy!" I roared, as he ran like a startled rabbit back to his room. "I'm going to rip your cute little ears off and shove them down your throat!"

"Then will you spank me?" he called out from behind his bedroom door, laughing his head off. I rattled the doorhandle, cursing that he had locked it.

"I'm going to rip your head off! Unlock this door, right now, you little shit!"  
"No way! Why would I unlock it if you're going to rip my head off?"  
"You deserve it! What're you doing, listening to my conversation!? You're supposed to be in bed! Unlock the door so I can tuck you in again!"  
"As soon as I do, you'll shove my ears down my throat!" he reminded me shrilly. I gave a maniacal laugh.

"I'm not going to shove your ears down your throat, Jacky...I'm going to trip your kneecaps off and shove them into your ears,_ and_ _then _I'm going to tear your eyeballs out with chopsticks and shove them up your arse! And after that, I'll shove the chopsticks up your nostrils!"

"I'm not unlocking the door!"

"Good! Don't!" I yelled almost cheerfully, spotting a bookcase in the corner of my eye. I pulled a stack of books from it to make it lighter before I pushed it in front of his bedroom door, blocking it completely. "There! Try to get out now, you little turd! You can't escape! Get to bed and I might let you out in the morning!"

I marched back into the living room, gasping for breath and reached for the phone.

"Nishi!? Nishi, what's happening?"  
"Relax, I'm back," I panted.  
"Why are you out of breath?"  
"Oh, I pushed the bookcase in front of Jacky's bedroom door, so he can't get out," I chuckled, closing my eyes tiredly.

"Nishi!"

"What?" I grumbled, not liking the sound of shock and disapproval in his voice. "My Mum used to do it to me all the time, and I'm alright, aren't I?" There was a silence. "It won't kill him," I insisted, wishing it weren't true.

"I'm coming over," Chikayo sighed finally, and I could almost see him shake his head. "Make room for me on the couch, okay?"

"Alright...but hurry up. I still haven't ruled out chopping the door down with an axe."

Chikayo arrived in what felt like forever, with Jacky yelling as he beat on the back of the bookcase which blocked the door. I would have loved to say it was music to my ears, to hear the kid being tortured, but it just got irritating.

I couldn't hide my happiness when Chikayo arrived with plastic bags of food that he'd bought from a convenience store on his way. "Go put all of this in the fridge, and I'll go sort out the damage," he sighed, shoving the bags into my arms.

"Fine by me," I sang, immediately scrounging for food and making doubly sure that none of it was out of date. "His room is just down the hall there. Can't miss it. He's still screaming for help."

I had myself a bowl of instant ramen when Chikayo emerged with Jacky trailing close behind him, watching me warily. I raised a brow at him and continued to eat my ramen. Nothing was going to get in between me and food. Chikayo silently made Jacky and himself some ramen and we ate quietly in the kitchen. The kid genuinely looked tired when he departed for bed, with a promise from Chikayo that he wouldn't let me touch the bookcase again.

Finally, after turning off all bar the bathroom lights, Chikayo led me by the hand to the couch, and pulled me atop him, kissing my neck. "You're trouble, you know that, boy?" he breathed in my ear, nipping at my skin. I shivered and snuggled into his chest, eyes heavy.

"I think I'm a lot like my Mum in some ways, you know," I mused tiredly. "I haven't spoken to her in ages, but I can still remember her screaming 'you little shit' and doing her nut in whenever I'd done something bad. I called him that. I yelled at Jacky and called him a little shit. I wish I hadn't, it's almost like admitting we're related in some way."

"You know, you look very alike. He's got the same eyes as you."

"I don't care if he's got the same wisdom teeth as me, I never asked for a brother," I mumbled, falling asleep. "I didn't ask Ryosei to come back into my life."

"You might not be happy about it...but I am. I'm happy for you, Nishi," he smiled into my hair. I yawned, letting his hands rub circles into my back until I dozed off. Damn, this couch was comfortable....

***

I tapped the packet with my fingers, elbows leaning heavily on my knees. I pushed a cigarette between my lips and checked my pockets for a lighter.

"I thought you didn't smoke," Maura commented, rolling from her stomach and onto her side, looking down at me as I sat on the end of the bed. I brushed my hair back from my eyes and tried to tuck it behind my ear, but was mostly unsuccessful.  
"You know I don't. That's Matt's habit." I reached for my discarded boots and began to loosen the shoelaces so I could put them back on.  
"How are you really doing, Mello? Without Matt?"

"Tch," I replied, looking over my bare shoulder at her, as the moonlight spilled over the bed, illuminating her skin that wasn't covered by furs. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," she shrugged, looking away as I tucked my gun into the back of my pants. "It's just sad to see the dynamic duo of yours break up after so many years."

I shrugged in reply and continued the epic battle to get my shoes back onto my feet. I didn't want to admit that I found the cigarettes to be something familiar. The smell...the taste...reminded me of him so much. I thought that it could help fix the little cracks I was discovering inside of me, but it was just revealing more and more chasms that Matt used to fill. I felt tears fill my eyes at this, and I threw the cigarette from my lips to the other side of the dark room. I was glad I had my back to Maura. There was no way I wanted admit anything was wrong to her. She knew me way too well already.

"He's gone. It doesn't matter anymore. I never needed him."

"Mello...you shouldn't lie to yourself."

"Mind your own business," I muttered, pulling my rosary over my neck and admiring the dark beads against my chest...The moonlight made my skin seem so much more pale...almost white...  
I felt Maura creep over the bed towards me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and burying her lips into my neck. I smiled, enjoying the feel of her naked chest against my back, but it wasn't as satisfying as it used to be. I knew I could like it more, if I stopped wishing it were Matt's chest that was pressed into me. "He needs you, Mello."

"How can you tell?" I shivered, reaching for her chin and guiding her soft familiar lips to mine. I tried to lose myself in her beautiful lips. I did really love Maura, she was special to me, but she wasn't...She wasn't Matt.

"Mello...Why don't you just admit you love him?"

"Of course I love him! We've been friends for years!" I scoffed, not wanting to admit that she was right in any way. "But I don't...I don't love him in _that_ way. That's just stupid."

"That's just you," Maura smiled. "Just tell him how you feel about him."

"I don't feel _anything _for him," I hissed, turning away from her. "Just think of how he'd react if I told him that anyway. That I loved him," I sneered. "He'd probably bash me to within an inch of death."

"You're impossible," she sighed. "Do you really think, that even if he were a homophobe, he could bring himself to hurt you?"

I gave a frustrated sigh and stood up, snatching up my shirt. "Don't you want me all for yourself?" I questioned, giving a smile. "Why're you pushing me away into dear Mathew's arms?"

"Because _dear Mathew_ can look after you in ways I can't. He's always looked after you, and I know that even if I were with you, you would never be fully satisfied. You'd always be wanting him."

"I don't want him," I breathed, turning away. My heart pounded at the lie.

***

"What is it?" L asked, looking up from his book.

"Sayu just texted me, asking if I wanted to come over for dinner tonight." I turned off the phone, feeling guilty that I had left it on. Mobiles could interfere with medical equipment. What if it was messing with L's?

"You should go. You haven't been to see your parents for a while now."

I gave a shrug, wondering if I could ever get used to the tubes that were connected to L's body, flooding his system with drugs. We lay together on his bed, passing time with reading.

I hadn't seen my parents for a while...not since L had gotten sick...and it made me wonder.

"Lawliet...you're from an orphanage, aren't you?"

"Mmmhmm."

"What...What happened to your parents?" My heart quickened, frightened that I was hurting him. L blinked and shrugged.

"There's not much to tell, and I barely remember anything. My grandparents died before I was born, and my father was in the military...He was shot one day, in a training exercise, I believe. I came home to find my mother crying, after spending the day at a park with my only aunt. My aunt died of some sickness, I don't remember what it was, though..." He ran his thumb along the spine of his book, slightly lost in his thoughts. "My mother apparently became rather depressed and tried to set the house on fire with both of us in it. I survived...but my mother didn't. I'm quite lucky, really. I don't even remember how I got out of the house, but I remember seeing my mother overdosing on sleep medicine so she would sleep through her death."  
"That's...horrible," I murmured, reaching up to stroke his cheek comfortingly. He smiled gently and kissed my forehead.  
"My past could have been a lot worse. Mello's history, for instance, is more disturbing. I'm not even sure if Near is lucky to have had his mother die in childbirth, leaving him to be raised in orphanages. He never knew any parents of any kind, leading to his...cold personality. And Matt...his parents died in a car accident while he was at school one day. His grandmother tried to look after him for a while, but she didn't live very long. He's been at Whammy's longer than most people."  
"What...happened to Mello?" I breathed, amazed. L's eyebrows drew together, obviously not liking the story.

"I'd rather not tell you Light, it is not a pleasant story. It's better that you see Mello as he is."

"You've sparked my curiosity. I'll be wondering over it and imagining the worse."

"I wonder if the worst you imagine would really come close," L commented, with a small, humourless smile. "Mello father's brother was a very jealous man. He'd been having an affair with Mello's mother who had decided she didn't want anything to do with her husband's brother anymore. Mello was only a small child at the time, when his uncle shot his father and mother to death in their home. Mello was too small to reach the doorhandles, and they were locked anyway, leaving Mello to be trapped inside the house with the rotting corpses of his parents for almost two weeks. Imagine, being only a small child and having your rotting parents there...He fed himself by raiding what he could reach in the kitchen and was starving when someone finally came around the house to see why Mello's father hadn't been going to work. He found Mello sitting in the living room watching television, unwashed and wondering why his parents wouldn't wake up. He'd even tried to feed the corpses at one point."

"Does he remember?" I breathed, feeling sick. L sighed.

"Vaguely. What he remembers more is the foster homes, where he was mostly abused. That probably all led to his tendency to destroy anything that angers him. It was very lucky that Watari found him and realised his intelligence. Matt has done a lot for Mello's recovery."

I couldn't think of anything to say in response, so I just snuggled into L's chest, comforting him as if he needed it. Poor Mello. What would it be like, to be any of them? Matt, Near or L?

Matt, who as a young child had been waiting for his parents to come pick him up and had never turned up. In some ways...was he still waiting? Was that what he was doing with Mello? Always waiting for Mello to notice him?

And Mello, who had never needed anyone but Matt...He had become the cynical, selfish person he was because he was used to being independent.  
L...His mother had tried to burn their house down with herself and her only son still inside...He'd lost his father, so had he replaced his parents with Watari? Did Lawliet ever miss his real parents? I wasn't even sure if I could ask. Just thinking of L alone like that made me want to cry. My life was so remarkably easy.

"Are you okay?" L asked, sounding very tired. I looked up at him, and pressed my lips to his.  
"I think...the real question is...are _you _okay?"  
L gave a smile and kissed the tip of my nose. "Don't worry about me. It was a very long time ago, and I'm happy to say that the experience has had no negative effect on me."

"Good," I whispered, making myself comfortable against him. "I can't stand the thought...of you ever...being hurt."

"I love you, Light."

"I love you, too, Lawliet," I smiled, closing my eyes, content to fall asleep. Maybe I could forget everything he had just told me, but I had a feeling that the past would haunt me for a very long time.

***

I opened my eyes slowly, becoming aware of the sound of two people chatting happily and the sound of spoons hitting breakfast bowls. Food. I could do with some of that. I pushed myself off of the couch and padded into the kitchen, seeing Chikayo and Jacky eating breakfast as they talked about school life.

"Hey, beautiful," Chikayo smiled, as I leaned down to peck his lips before raiding the fridge. "You're up early."

"You two woke me up with your chatting."

"Well, it's about time you got up anyway. I was going to walk Jacky to school today, so now that you're up, you can come with us." Why was Chikayo smiling happily as if it were the greatest idea on earth?

"He can walk himself, I'm sure he's done it for years without our help," I said, looking at Jacky carefully. Jacky gave a sheepish smile.  
"But...I've told all my friends about my new brother. They want to see what you're like."

"A twerp like you has friends?" I scoffed, putting fresh bread in the toaster. Chikayo's food really was a lifesaver. "I don't need anyone gawking at me like I'm related to you or anything."

"Don't worry, he'll come," Chikayo promised Jacky, winking.

"And how do you think you'll get me to do such a thing?" I challenged, pointing my butter knife at him accusingly. Chikayo smiled sweetly.  
"I guess if you don't do what I say...I'll have to spank you."

I reddened as Jacky laughed and I was reminded of last night's unflattering events. Where was a bookshelf when I needed one? I was going to barricade the both of them in the apartment.

"I'm joking," Chikayo laughed, pulling me onto his lap and nuzzling my neck. "But I reckon Jacky would be pretty hurt if you didn't come with us."

"If you cook dinner tonight, I'll think about it," I told him, relishing the thought that if I played my cards right, I wouldn't have to do any cooking at all.

"Tell me you won't just think about it," Chikayo breathed in my ear, nibbling on the lobe, making me shiver. Damn him!

"Alright, I'll go, but only if you cook tonight! And breakfast in bed in the morning! And don't think I won't get you back if you skip out on cooking!"

Chikayo promised to cook and gave Jacky a grin, leaving me to making my breakfast and wishing Chikayo didn't have such a hold on what I kept between my legs. He really knew how to change my mind about things.

Chikayo and I walked hand in hand to school, and I glared most of the way, mostly at the fact Chikayo held Jacky's hand too. The kid may have been short for his age, but that didn't make him any less of a fourteen year old as he skipped on his merry way. I knew that Chikayo loved being a big brother to Lani, and he really did love kids, but I couldn't help but resent the fact that Jacky clearly liked Chikayo more. Even though I knew I hadn't done anything nice for him except buy him an ice-cream and agreed to baby-sit him. I was...his big brother. Wasn't he automatically supposed to worship me? Stupid kid.

Jacky's school wasn't too far from the apartment, and a group of kids were loitering by the entrance. Judging by the way one girl had her hair in childish pigtails and one boy had stickers of kittens all over his school bag, these must have been Jacky's friends.

"There's...there's Akikazu Masanari," Jacky stuttered, pointing to a tall, handsome boy approaching us. "He helps me study sometimes."

"Hey, Jacky," Masanari smiled, his eyes drifting to Chikayo and I. "I thought I'd come meet your brother."

"This is Nishi, my brother, and this is his boyfriend, Chikayo," Jacky beamed, cheeks pink. I wanted to roll my eyes. Looks like Jacky had a crush. Oh ho! Did my father know? My homophobic father, Ryosei? Or was it he'd become more tolerant because Jacky was so queer?

"It's nice to meet you both," Masanari smiled politely. "Jacky's been so excited since he's met you, Mr Nishimura."

I can't say I'd felt the same about meeting Jacky. "Nice to meet you, too," I muttered, checking my watch. Couldn't Chikayo and I just go? "I've got work soon, Jacky, so I've got to roll. I want you home straight after the last bell, you hear?"

"But I have club duties!" he protested. I put my hand up in front of his face, to shut him up.  
"I don't want to hear it. If you're not home, I'll be coming after you with a riot squad! Study hard, you little shit, and don't let me get any phone calls from the school saying you're in trouble!" I began to march off, ignoring Chikayo's laugh and apology, as Jacky complained that I hadn't met any of his other friends yet.

"You're getting better at this," Chikayo commented, slipping his hand into the back pocket of my pants and resting it there when he had caught up.  
"Getting better at what?" I asked, raising a brow. He shrugged, looking away to try and hide the guilty smile.  
"The whole big brother thing. You're pretty protective."

"The only person I'm protective of is you. And Lani, and Uncle Matsu, and L...Hell, maybe even Light, a little. Don't take it personally, but Jacky is just a job."

"You'll change your mind about that," he teased, kissing my temple. "I know you."

"You're about to know my fist in a minute!" I growled, nearly losing my footing as he pushed and pulled me into a side alley. He pressed me into a brick wall, pushing himself between my legs, lips brushing my own.

"You're so cute when you act tough," he grinned, licking my upper lip.  
"You're such a jerk when you tease," I breathed back, wrapping my arms around his neck. "You know what this reminds me of?"

"What?" he asked, sucking on my bottom lip. I bit back a delighted moan.

"The night at the cinemas, on our first date. You couldn't wait to get me alone," I smirked. "And I remember how badly you stuttered when you asked me to go with you. I told you to just spit it out."

"Why don't we take this somewhere else?" he suggested, looking out at the street and watching the people that passed by.

I normally would have considered it to be rude and just a little weird, making out with my boyfriend in my estranged father's apartment, but my years of hating him and wishing he would just die made it easier. I eagerly yanked down my pants, pulling Chikayo over me on the couch, pressing my lips to his throat and biting into his neck. I sighed, overcome with love for him as his fingers traversed the expanse of my thigh. He knew just where to touch. How could he possibly know me so well? He was so deliciously cruel, working at my sensitive spots deftly. I ached to return the favour and pulled his shirt over his head, and ran my fingers through his hair. He really could be a model, with that body of his…but he would never be accepted, not with that face of his. The fact he was rejected because of the way he looked only made me somehow love him more, as if he needed protection and care, like he were some abandoned animal.

"Nishi…be mine," he moaned into my skin. I wanted to explode and shatter into a thousand beautiful pieces. That was the way he made me feel. As if I were some kind of dark coloured crystal of some worth, with he being the light that shone through me, together creating a rainbow of light against any surface.

I cried out, tears of relief and satisfaction springing forth as he entered me, filling me with himself, as if we were made for each other, made for this. His scent filled my head and made me dizzy, his taste strong on my lips and my eyes filled with the colour of his eyes.

"Please! Harder!" I begged, turning to liquid beneath him. I squirmed, grasping handfuls of the blankets beneath me, trying to ground myself even though I wanted nothing more but to throw myself into him and these feelings. Love was a very scary and uncontrollable thing. If I really wanted to be honest with myself, orgasm was something I wanted more than anything else, but was hard to get, because I was so unconsciously frightened of letting go of everything and letting myself explore the waves of pleasure. It was why I had such a promiscuous past, because I was constantly trying to get to that higher level, to let myself fully go, and I found that in Chikayo. I didn't fear so much, I knew that I wouldn't be destroyed and I'd make it back to earth once I had touched heaven. I trusted him to take me to these places.

"I love you," Chikayo cried out, his face gloriously intense, panting for breath and surging continuously into me. I couldn't remember Chikayo ever being so vocal before. He groaned and I felt him shudder as he exploded inside of me, still pushing further for more release. I gasped loudly, feeling waves of painless pleasure wash over me, but it wasn't quite enough. Chikayo rested his head against my stomach, noticing after a pause, that I hadn't come and reached the same peaks. He moved lower between my legs and trailed his lips and his treacherous tongue along my skin, until he held me within his hot mouth. I swore at the expected shock of feelings that erupted, and I tried my best not to wrap my legs around his torso, tangle my fingers in his hair and just force him down further, sinking him further onto myself.  
"Please...Ah! Chikayo, don't...hah! Don't tease!" I begged. Chikayo obliged and bobbed his mouth sensuously around my member, sucking and making me tremble with the sensation of his tongue rubbing against me in such a way. I almost didn't even notice that I cried "I love you" as I came, something I never really would have done before. I really did love Chikayo, and I wanted him forever. I smiled, flushed, as he lay his head on my stomach, finally relaxing.

"Nishi...I was thinking...that I'd like to live with you at Light's house, until we find a place of our own. I'm so tired of going back and forth to you from my parents house. I can't stand living with them anymore."

"Lani would be sad to see you go...but I'd love you to," I smiled, stifling a yawn. "I think Light and L wouldn't mind. It's a big house anyway, so there's plenty of room."

"I was hoping you'd say that," he smiled, moving up to nuzzle my neck. I wrapped my arms around him, content to rest, happy in the knowledge that soon enough, I'd be waking up to his beautiful face every morning.

***

"Lawliet, what do you think you're doing?" I exclaimed, scowling. I carried the armload of flowers I'd just bought him and dumped them on top of the folders and papers he had scattered across his lap.

"I'm keeping my brain sharp," he answered patiently. "I need something to do with my time, so working on a case is what I need to stay tuned."

"You need rest," I nearly moaned, slumping on my usual chair beside his hospital bed. "Why don't you read a book or something? Draw a picture. Art isn't beyond you, is it? You make towers out of marshmallows, don't you?"

"I'd rather play chess, Light," L chided me gently. "You can't expect me to settle for anything less."

"I just want you out of here as soon as possible. Now that I'm sure you're going to live, I want to go out and spend those years with you, instead of being stuck in here."

"I can't train my body the way you want. I have no control over this," he growled, growing irritated. I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze, not wanting to anger him. I knew it was probably more frustrating for him than for me, because I had the freedom to leave this room whenever I liked, but he did not.

"What case are you working on?" I questioned him, distracting him and giving in.

"A case has come up in Germany. A serial killer is killing people apparently at random. What links the murders all together is that the killer carves a letter on the faces of the victims and dumps them in public places, so the bodies are discovered quickly and a message is coming across."  
"What do the letters spell?" I inquired, curious.

L flipped through some pages and produced a document. He held it up so I could read what was written there.

_Schmerzen ist_

"Twelve murders?" I counted, amazed. "He's gotten away with that many so far?"

"Yes, and it is amazing that the killer has remained uncaught, without any clues and manages to place the corpses in such public places without any witnesses. I believe there's more to come with the message...'Schmerzen' means 'pain', so its as if to say 'Pain is something'."

"You'll solve it," I smiled, kissing his fingertips. "You've solved harder ones. Supernatural cases that shouldn't even exist."

"Help me?" he offered, giving me a crooked smile. "I'm sure you could solve this yourself. Of course, I think you're more the type of detective to go to the crime scene yourself, instead of working in the shadows like myself."

"I've never been outside of Japan," I mused, picking up a gruesome photograph of one victim with the letter carved into their face. "I've never even been on a plane."  
"Is that so? I should have realised. I've been on so many, I even have contacts with a private airline and own shares in a company that builds Lear jets. I'm quite a skilled pilot, also."  
"Maybe one day, you could fly me around the world," I smiled, picking up a pen and circling some words on one of the documents. "By the way, I think your serial killer is more than one person. A group, in fact, and I think it may have some religious connotations. A cult group perhaps, that delight in death related rituals. I would say they're a group of reasonably young people."  
"I was thinking the same thing," Lawliet smiled, eyes twinkling. "I'm now definitely thinking that I've made the right choice in my husband...and my partner."

"Partner?" I questioned, raising a brow.

"Watari is getting old, and I'm sure you'd love to travel around the world as Watari does and do the things that are done hands on. Together, we'll solve all of the mysteries the world offers us."

"I want nothing more," I smiled, reaching up to kiss his vanilla-flavoured lips.

"Ich mӧchte mit dir schlafen," Lawliet whispered, keeping his lips touching my own by grabbing a fistful of my shirt and holding me close. I shivered and felt as if I would be destroyed by the intensity in his dark eyes.  
"What did you say?" I asked breathlessly. It was so refreshing to have someone...my true love...speak to me like that. I loved being held...

"I said I want to make love to you," he murmured, kissing my lips, licking them softly. "Ich liebe dich, Light. I love you."

"How do I say I can't, even though I really want to right now, in German?" I asked, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths. He was sick! He needed rest! But I had to be honest, I was as carnal as any man, even though I considered myself to be above humanity. A man's body didn't know the difference between a rock and a friendly touch, and I supposed the same could be said for women. The touch of a man probably felt no different from that of a woman when the said woman was aroused. The difference between a straight person and a gay was that a gay person knew this and accepted it.

"Don't say no," L moaned, holding my wrist in a weak attempt to keep me from pulling away. "Ich will dich..." I shook my head and folded my arms, keeping my hands trapped in case they gave in and touched him.  
"Lawliet, don't be difficult," I sighed, shaking my hair out of my eyes, trying to hide my trembling breath.

"Mühe, ich mach es mir selbst," he sniffed, making a show of putting his hands beneath his blankets and shoving them down his pants to stroke himself. I nearly had a heart attack and reached for his arm, yanking it away.  
"That's not fair!" I cried, thrusting out my bottom lip unhappily. "This is as hard for me as it is for you, you know."  
L burst into laughter and brought my hand to his lips, bestowing a kiss upon it. "You're so fun to tease, Light. Do you really think I could do it myself? I'm addicted to _you_."

"You're a pain," I groaned, reaching for my things on his bedside table. "I'm going to get something to eat, do you want anything?"  
"An apple."

"That's not funny," I scowled, as he chuckled. The apple of temptation, and I knew exactly what kind of temptation he intended.

***

****

Ta-da! Another update for you! Yay! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, everyone!

And remember, you're all my favourites! Just...the ones who review...are more special...*shifty eyes* But I love you all! Is it just me or does everyone read my fic late at night? Or for some people, early morning? 2am ringing a bell for some of you? GET TO BED! YOU TOO, JACKY! YOU HAVE SCHOOL! XD  
So, thanks to all the wonderful contributors and readers, because this is your fic as much as it is mine. The world of Death Note Dreaming could never have become possible if you all hadn't seen it and decided "Oh, I'm sick of this same old plot summary popping up every time I look for some smut to read while everyone is asleep..._Fine_, I'll see what it's about...oh, lemon already? Well, I can't just stop reading now....." And then a few hours reading later, you've fallen in love with me. I mean, my fanfic. Uh. Yeah.

So, now it's time for (say it with me!)...AUTHOR NOTE QUESTIONS!!! Yay!

1. What country are you from? Because Light is from Japan, Jacky's Mum is from America, Mello is from Germany (judging from his name origin), Watari is from England and I'm from Australia! So it seems like this fic really does reach around the world! And I'm not fond of using other languages in fics, it can get frustrating for me as a reader, but everyone knows that L is a multi-lingual genius, so I thought I'd add in some German that I got from an interesting phrasebook...Sorry if any of it is wrong!

2. What are the chances if I flipped this coin of L getting head?

3. If you were babysitting Jacky for a night, what would you feed him and why? (And what did you think of that part? XD I really don't like the taste of Weetbix with strawberry milk, just so you know! Oh yeah, and just so you know, I _have _barricaded my sister's bedroom door with a cupboard before and I frequently tell my little brother that I'm going to rip his toes off and shove them one by one up his nostrils if he doesn't behave.)

4. What did you get from Santa? I got Death Note: R Relight: Visions of a God. It's Death Note all over again...but from Ryuk's POV. Worth it just to see L's face pressed to Light's in the cinema and see L's funeral...TTwTT And I got myself a wall scroll of L and Light dressing. Light is wearing a black suit, as is L. Hawt! L wearing a suit all messy ^w^ It is very easy (way too easy) to imagine that they're dressing after a bout of hot yaoi McLovins. I might post a photo up on Deviantart, because I've never seen an official image of L in anything but his jeans and shirt.

5. Okay, serious now...^w^" Um...What did you all think of Mello and Matt's POV's? Wrong, right, interesting? Like or dislike?

6. What did you think of the history of the Whammy Boys? I based Mello's past off an actual case that I studied in class one day, where two little sisters were locked inside of their house with their rotting parents. The mother's body was in the bedroom and there were bugs everywhere eating her up, and the girls watched television to pass the time while their father decomposed in the hallway. Very disturbing and sad. You really had to watch the documentary to get how horrible it all was.

Now, before I finish up, I have one last thing. It's very important. Buh-lieve it!

DBC44's Fan art Challenge!

So, over the course of writing DeathNoteDreaming, I've had a lot of fan art come in! Now I've decided to make it fun for you all, and bring out the creative side in all of you! You see, while to some it's just a story that I'm writing, to a lot of you, it seems to be a lot more. It seems like we've all cried, laughed, shouted, threatened, giggled, snorted, had heart attacks and gotten excited over this thing. See, I don't think of it just as a story I'm writing. I don't do it just for fun, I do it for all you guys, because I get such brilliant feedback and it's like a team effort!

So, I want you all to go out and make something brilliant for me! If you're an L cosplayer and your boyfriend or girlfriend is a Light cosplayer, then go out and take a photo of you two together getting married under an apple tree! Or make a youtube video of yourself dressed as Matsuda and your dog dressed as Ryuk as your dog eats an apple out of your hand! Make an artwork about a part in DNDreaming that you liked! Draw a beautiful picture of your favourite OC, even! Own a pet snake? Got a water gun to re-enact Mello squirting Matt in the face? Know a dealership that sells Mini Cabrio's that might let you take a photo...with your Matsuda plushie? ^w^ See? I've given you tons of ideas! Go out and be creative and when you come back and show me your awesome work, I will give you a reward!

Your reward, you ask? How about...a deleted scene from Death Note Dreaming? Or rather...a scene that I didn't put in because I thought it'd make a better gift. So, as soon as you go "Hey, here's a link for my youtube video of me re-enacting the scene where Light first meets Sparkles!", I will gladly email you the scene! Of course, I'll need an email address. Or, if you prefer, your Deviantart user name, or if you'd rather (which might prove a bit more complicated) I can send it through that DocX Manager thing (I know I wrote that wrong...=_=") So! Get on your bike and make me something expressing your deep gratitude and devotion to me! OwO Muwahahaha! For I am Kira! *L walks past* I mean...Er...I am...a loving, caring person who wouldn't DARE try to kill L, Light and Chikayo a few dozen times...There is no particular deadline, so there's no rush! :D Well...a dead line at the end of this whole entire saga that I've written. What will you do when Death Note Dreaming ENDS!? I don't even know! I think I'll be lost... TTwTT


	20. Chapter 20

L coughed into the bowl, spitting up what he could. I stood over him and rubbed his shoulder as I reached to flush the toilet. "Feel better?" I offered, automatically reaching for the toilet paper to help wipe his mouth. It was strange to me...to realise that this was so normal. My husband throwing up his meals. Or the tiny amounts that were called meals. Several small meals would be all he would be able to handle for the rest of his life, instead of normal portioned meals that were dealt out three times a day. Though, L had never really had much distinction between his meals anyway. He didn't think twice when he ate truffles and biscuits between lunch and dinner. Now, he wouldn't be able to snack at all. Not anymore.

"I'm sick of this," he croaked wearily, running his fingers through his hair and pulling out some loose threads. "I hate this. I can't bear anymore."

"The nurse says it's a sign you're getting better," I reminded him, not mentioning the fact she was a new nurse that I didn't quite believe. "You'll be out of here before you know it. At least the cancer is receding, right? You're almost clear."

"I don't want...to lose my hair," he whispered, biting his lip with shame. I stroked his coloured cheek and kissed him softly.

"It'll grow back, thicker and even more beautiful than before," I promised him, reaching up to run my fingers through the organised mess and trying to hide how my heart broke at the sight of his anguished face when my fingers came back tangled in discarded hairs. "I'll help you shave it all off, if you want."

"I don't want you to see me like that," he mumbled, looking down at his feet. "I like my hair."

"I'll buy you a wig then," I smiled, kissing his forehead. "You're beautiful with and without your hair. I'll cut off mine too, and we'll be bald together."

"No, please, don't cut it," he burst, eyes filling with tears as he suddenly began to cling onto me. "Please, never cut your hair, Light. Promise. Promise..." He collapsed with sobbing, and I held his shaking, thin shoulders to my chest, doing my best not to cry myself. He was getting better, but it wasn't getting any easier. I felt a hundred years old.

"Mr Yagami, Mr Ryuuga," a male nurse called, opening the cubicle door, eyes quickly taking in the scene. "The doctor is waiting for you, but I'll ask if he can come back later, if you like."

"No, we'll go now," I told him, taking a grip on L's arms. "Can you help me get him back to his room? He's tired."

The nurse nodded, and together we worked to help get L back into bed.

Why? Why had this become normal for me?

"I'm not letting Watari do it and I'm not going to stop coming here until it grows back," I growled for the millionth time. L sat moodily on a stool, with me standing behind him holding a pair of hair clippers. "I want to do it myself, and I won't think badly of you at all when you've got no hair. I've already told you that I'll get rid of all of mine too, if you want."

"You already know that I don't want you to."

"Yeah, I know that you only love me for my hair," I sighed, turning on the clippers. He tilted his head back enough so that he could gaze on me with one dark, circled eye.

"I love your beauty, Light, and I don't want to take that away from you."

"Are you trying some reverse psychology there, trying to make me feel guilty about cutting your hair off? Because it's not going to work," I smiled, kissing his temple. "You wouldn't stop loving me if my hair was all gone and I was all ugly, would you?"

"No," he agreed, accepting another kiss from me. "I couldn't ever stop loving you."

"Good," I murmured, turning on the hair clippers. "Ready?"

"Please...get it over with."

As his hair was removed, he held his hands up, letting clumps of hair fall onto them. When it was all gone, and I had turned off the clippers, he threw his head back and gave out a strangled wail. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, hugging him and comforting him as best I could. I would do anything to make him smile again.

I marched around the house, looking for trouble or some shred of fun. Matsuda wasn't around to fix me something to eat, not that I was really hungry.

"I'm so bored," I moaned, flopping onto the couch beside Matt who was playing his xbox. I quickly remembered I wasn't talking to him and scooted as far as I could away from him on the couch, as he raised a brow at me. I had just spoken to him, though, so I couldn't just leave it at that. "Matt, entertain me," I demanded, turning on the couch and perching there on my knees, folding my arms tightly.

"Entertain yourself," he shot back, scowling at the television. I smirked inwardly, enjoying his feisty response. I had to admit, I was a bit of an attention seeker, and I loved getting his attention the most. I wondered what kind of responses I could get from him...what kind of responses I could get if I were trying to arouse him. How would he react if it were in the dark, to find out it were a guy that was teasing him? I licked my lips, not even trying to hide the tremble in my breath.

Would it really be so bad? I leaned forward. He smelled good, he always did. He smelt clean, like arctic scented soap and men's deodorant, while his clothes smelled faintly of Matsuda's favourite scented washing powder.  
Matt's face was so large. Was it normally this big? No, I'd been leaning closer without even realising it. I bet he could feel my breath on his cheek and the thought of that made a shiver go down my spine. I could see him looking in the corner of his eyes, flickering at me quickly, trying not to get caught. He didn't want to turn his head, or move at all, because the slightest movement would make us touch. Or maybe he didn't want to move away at all, because he liked it with me this close.

I grinned and lunged forward, sinking my teeth into his neck, sucking on the skin there. I heard a sharp intake of breath, but still, Matt didn't move or give any other reaction. He was like a fucking statue. I suckled harder, determined to make a mark. In a tiny corner of my mind, I knew it was bad to mark him, because it was marking territory that I wasn't supposed to claim, but I was letting my body take over, and my groin was screaming at me to go for it.  
Matt finally gave a moan, which inflamed me to the point that everything that had been muddled became clear for a moment. I wasn't supposed to be doing this. It was wrong. Bad. Then why hadn't he punched me yet? I pushed him away in frustration and stalked away to my bedroom, slamming the door behind myself. What had I been doing? Was I trying to anger him or excite him? Why had I just done that? It was so stupid, so impulsive, so fucking dumb...What was Matt thinking right now? I buried my face into my pillow and let out a frustrated and embarrassed scream.

I breathed heavily, my hands clenched so tightly around the controller that my knuckles were white and the plastic threatened to break. Mello had always enjoyed crude jokes. Why did he have to taunt me like that? Did he somehow know I liked him? Did he know how ready I was to just grab him and take matters into my own hands?

I groaned and pushed my goggles off before shoving my fists into my eyes, trying to get rid of the moment that had just passed. Why couldn't I turn back time? Why couldn't I just pause the game and go back to how it was before, like some sort of check point? This was shit.

I fiddled with my ring, smiling to myself. I could remember Chikayo walking me down the aisle, I could remember the taste of L's lips that day, and the smell of apples in the air. I remembered our vows and I remembered the feeling of being so in love that I wasn't sure what I was like before. Love had changed my whole life, it controlled me, it made me what I was. How could I have lived before love? I'd never met anyone who made me feel like L did. Like I'd finally found my place in the world, in his arms. That was where I belonged.

"What are you smiling about?" L inquired, peering at me over the chessboard he'd just been engrossed in. I beamed at him happily and reached for his hand before kissing his knuckles.  
"Just remembering our wedding day," I told him, brushing his fingertips against my lips lightly. His lips spread into a smile, his beautiful dark eyes sparkling with warmth. "I want to marry you again and again."

His hand trailed up to feel the hair that hadn't grown back yet on his head, smiling fading for a moment before it returned and he blew me a kiss. "I'll marry you a thousand times, if you'll have me, as bald and pathetic as I am."

"Your hair will come back and you're not pathetic," I murmured, kissing his warm palm. "You are perfect, no matter what you look like."

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it, as if he couldn't find the words to say what he wanted. I turned back to the chess game, moving a rook, when I noticed he was fiddling with his phone. "You're supposed to turn your phone off in the hospital," I chided, pointing to the medical equipment around him. "It'll mess with the machines."

My ring tone filled my ears and I flushed. "I'm sorry, Light. What was that about turning off your phone?" L questioned innocently, a slight smirk on his lips. I rolled my eyes and checked my phone to find that L had just texted me as he sat in front of me. I smiled down at the tiny little message.

_"3"_

A heart. Just a little heart. I beamed up at him and reached over the chessboard to kiss him gently. "I love you too," I whispered.

"I'm going to fucking rip your throat open and shove dry cornflakes down it until my fist goes through your arsehole if you leave the milk out again!" I shouted over my shoulder at Jacky as I left him in the kitchen to have a shower. It was my last day of babysitting him, and I was so fucking relieved, even if we'd gotten into a pattern of me shouting at him every few minutes for anything that popped into my head. I couldn't wait to sleep in my own bed, instead of on the couch, and what excited me was knowing that yesterday, Chikayo had moved in, so I would be coming home to share my room and my life with him.

I washed my hair and began the process of blow drying it and then carefully straightening it, considering the pros and cons of adding a coon tail to the awesomeness that was my hair. I sang as I worked, until I heard a knock at the door.  
"What is it, twerp?" I snapped. Why did he have to interrupt me while I was in the middle of a song?

"Dad just rang, he said he'll be home soon," Jacky informed me, sounding a little gloomy.  
"What's up your bum?" I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. I could just picture him with his eyes on the ground and his teeth biting his lip to stop himself from crying. "You should be excited. I'm leaving, you won't see me for ages."

"I don't want you to go," he said into the door. "I like you looking after me, Nishi."

"Too bad. I'm not the one who's supposed to look after you, it's Ryosei. If you've got issues with his parenting skills, bring it up with him."

"I want to live with you," Jacky burst, a thud on the door making me suspect he'd just banged his head against it. "You're fun, even if you yell at me all the time. Why don't you live here with us? And Chikayo can move in, too."

I strode to the door and wrenched it open, brandishing my hair straightener like a sword. "Don't you ever use your head, you stupid little queer? Are you always so impulsive? Don't you ever think? Did it occur to you that this is a two bedroom apartment? There's not enough room here, and there's no way I want to live with Ryosei, let alone _you._ Why would I want to live here?" I slammed the door shut, annoyed at the way his lip trembled and his eyes showed clearly how seriously he took me. Couldn't I rip on him and not have him take offense? What was wrong with this kid?

"You're a jerk!" Jacky shouted at the door. I heard his footsteps stomp to his bedroom and the door slam. I almost grinned at how alike we were.

I gnawed at the chocolate, watching Matt whilst sitting on the still of my bedroom window. He was in the backyard, smoking again under the apple tree. It was his favourite place to smoke. It was a shame that today he'd chosen to wear a plain white shirt instead of his usual striped jerseys. What a stupid jerk.

I pulled the piece of fishing wire that I held in my other hand. The wire was attached to a bucket I'd hidden amongst the branches, which hovered over his favourite shady spot. I snorted with laughter as the bucket spilt its contents over Matt, covering him in cold water. I'd added red food colouring to match his hair, so hopefully it would stain his shirt pink or something.  
Matt gave a shout and scrambled as fast as he could away, whipping out a knife I knew he kept tucked in his boot in case of emergencies. His wide eyes looked around, and finally spotted me, nearly out on the overhanging roof, clutching my stomach, shoulders heaving with breathless laughter. What a loser.  
"You - YOU ARSE!" Matt bellowed, flushing crimson. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR!"

I responded with more laughter and jumped out of the window, standing on the portion of roof below the sill. His angry face was hilarious! I watched, tears pouring down my aching cheeks, as he dived for the tree, throwing his knife away and pulled off an apple. I was too surprised and overcome with laughter to dodge the apple he threw at me. I let out a pained cry as it hit me on the nose, and I let go of the window to grasp my throbbing appendage. This was a huge mistake. I lost my footing and began to fall from the second story window to the ground. I screamed, and saw Matt's eyes widen with horror as he ran forward to try and do something to stop my fall. There really wasn't anything he could do. What a dumbass.

He attempted to catch me, arms wide, beneath my flailing body. I knocked him into the ground, hard. "Ow..." he groaned, underneath me."Get off me."

I reddened, hating how I lay atop his chest, his face inches from mine, close enough for me to see the faint mark I'd left on his neck the other day. How dare he be so close to me!  
"You're the one who ran underneath me!" I snapped, now with a sore arm and ribcage to add to my throbbing nose. "What kind of an arsehole _are _you! Going around throwing apples at people, huh!" I pushed myself off, grimacing at how wet and cold he was beneath me.

"Why is everything _my _fault?" he demanded, sitting up, lips pulled into a angry scowl. "You're the one who poured water all over me!"

"You took it too far," I scowled, content to blame him for everything. "I wouldn't have put the bucket in the tree if you weren't such a big-headed, fag-hating _jerk_."

"THAT'S IT, MELLO!" Matt roared, leaping on me, hands going for my throat. I tried to push him away by poking him in the eyes with my gloved fingers, only to be met by his stupid orange goggles protecting him.  
"Hey! Hey, stop it, you two!" Matsuda shouted, pulling Matt off of me and pushing me back with a hand. "What are you two fighting about? You're supposed to be friends!"  
"We're not friends!" I protested, crossing my arms angrily. "Just get lost, Matsuda. Matt and I need to settle this for ourselves. Fist to fist. I'm going to bash his little fat-hating ass until he's screaming for mercy."

"You couldn't hit Near even if he were unconscious and tied down," Matt spat furiously at me.

"You take that back!" I shouted, trying to leap at him. Damn Matsuda for being a detective with the police force. He was strong and skilled enough to keep me away from the sopping wet matchstick.

"You should both apologise!" Matsuda panted, his cheeks a disgruntled, rosy colour. "You're acting like little kids! If you're going to act like kids, fine! That's it, Mello, no more chocolate in the house. Matt, no more games or television!"

"You can't do that!" I exclaimed, indignant. He was treating us as if he were our father!  
"I can and I will! I'll ring up L or Watari. They'll back me up. Now apologise!"

Matt caved in far easier than I did. "I'm sorry, Mello," he muttered hatefully.

"Now _you _say sorry," Matsuda said pointedly to me. I glared at my hands.

"I'm sorry, you big loser."

"Mello, that's not nice. Now shake hands," the detective demanded.

"What?" Matt groaned. I stared at Matsuda as if he'd grown an extra head and adopted a bunch of retarded orphans.

"You heard me! You're lucky I'm not making you hug each other!"

Matt and I reluctantly held out our hands, not making eye contact. I squeezed his hand tightly, trying to crush his fingers before letting go as quickly as I could. This was so stupid.

I kept my back straight as I marched back into the house, and made my way back to my kitchen. As soon as I got in, I nearly collapsed. "I can't believe I just did that," I groaned, covering my eyes with my fists_. Did I really just boss L's successors around? Mello and Matt? I just treated them like children! What would Watari think?_

I opened my eyes, just in time to see an apple fall back down onto the fruit bowl, as if someone had been trying to sneak one away. "Don't you dare!" I hissed, putting my hands on my hips. No ghost was going to pull one over me! Not this time!

"Who are you talking to?" a voice asked, curious. I spun around to see Nishi standing there, one eyebrow raised.

"Oh! Nishi, you surprised me," I told him. "It's that ghost again." His eyes widened and he instantly looked towards the fruit bowl.  
"You're just paranoid," he said, giving a shrug, looking guiltily away from the bowl. I forced a smile.  
"I'm not crazy. Light believes me."

"Light's the one that put the idea into your head. If I told you there was a serial killer under your bed, you'd believe me, wouldn't you?"

"No," I snorted. He gave me a look. "But anything's possible!" I huffed. "I mean, if Kira could kill people with heart attacks, and there's a ghost that likes apples, then it's plausible a serial killer could sneak under my bed."

"You. Are. An. Idiot." He snatched up an apple and threw it at me. "Go for a walk. You need some fresh air or maybe you need to get some sleep."

"I'm _not _crazy," I grumbled. "I'm probably just a little tired. I might go have a nap or something." I pushed past my troublesome nephew and stomped on the stairs noisily, to prove I wasn't scared of anything. When I got to the top stair, I gulped and retrieved the gun I kept strapped to my side, which I never removed until I went to bed. One could never be too wary when they worked in the line of duty like myself. I was a detective and I'd worked on...a _few_ cases where people might want to get revenge on me. I mean, I may not have been a detective for long, but it didn't matter. Anyone who had a badge was an enemy to criminals.

I walked steadily and carefully to my bedroom, wishing my hands wouldn't shake so much. My heart was pounding in my chest and a drop of sweat ran down my face. My nerves were shot.

I kicked open the door and screamed until my lungs ran out of air, releasing the trigger, pointing the gun as best I could at the person who was crawling under my bed.

The person under the bed let out a shout, surprised at my scream. I nearly fainted. I hadn't even remembered to load my gun, my heart lurching at the clicking sound it made.

"Matsuda, _what _are you _doing_!" Light shrieked at me, emerging from under the bed, eyes staring at the gun.

"I'm...I'm...sorry," I croaked, collapsing to the floor. "I thought you were a serial killer."

"_What_?"

"Nishi said that there might be a serial killer under my bed, and I just thought...Well, I thought I'd be cautious. You never know, right?"

"_Matsuda, what would a serial killer be doing under your bed!" _

"You never know, right! Anything's possible!" I babbled, dragging air into my mouth.

"What's happened?" Nishi asked, face pale as he raced into the bedroom. "I heard screaming."

"Matsuda tried to shoot me!" Light shouted at him, pointing wildly at me. "He thought I was a serial killer!"

"Oh, shit," Nishi sighed, shaking his head. "Uncle Matsu, put the gun away. I'm sorry, Light. I just told him he was paranoid and he'd believe anything I told him. I didn't think he'd actually believe there'd be a serial killer under his bed."

"What were you doing under my bed, anyway?" I challenged, still gasping for breath. I'd probably turn grey soon. Just think, little old me, _grey_ at _my_ age!

"I...I lost my keys. I need to take Sparkles out to get...more fuel, and I couldn't find them. I thought you'd have them."

"You could have asked me," I wheezed.

I almost stared at him. He believed such a stupid lie? Ryuk had come up just moments ago to tell me that he'd found a scrap of the Death Note under Matsuda's bed. I hadn't believed it, but had decided to take a look anyway. I hadn't found any bits of paper, but I'd found a suspicious collection of magazines about cars. I didn't even want to _think _about what Matsuda was doing with those magazines so carefully hidden beneath his bed. I was definitely locking the garage from now on, at any rate.

I glared up at Ryuk who was laughing his head off, watching the whole situation. So, he'd overheard Nishi and Matsuda talking and then decided to convince me to get under Matsuda's bed, and let Matsuda get a fright. I was lucky I hadn't been shot!

I got up and headed downstairs, Ryuk following me, and grabbed the fruit bowl and took it outside, onto the street.  
"Light, what're you doing?" Ryuk asked, becoming alarmed. I took an apple and threw it out onto the road, smashing the fruit quite nicely. A car came by and ran over its juicy remains, crushing it entirely. Perfect. I did the same for the rest of the apples, smashing them against the bitumen with throws my old tennis coach would have been proud of. When I was done, and Ryuk was in hysterics, I headed back inside to put Matsuda's favourite pink oven mitts in the blender.

I buried my face into his shoulder blades, kissing the skin there. It was always amazing to me how soft and smooth Nishi's skin was. Was mine this soft? Did I smell as good as he did? Did my eyes show him how much I loved him? Did they look the way his did when he rolled over and smiled at me? Did they sparkle through the warm haze of love that burned in them?

"What are you thinking about?" he breathed, lifting a hand to my cheek to stroke the annoying stubble there. I kissed his lips gently, letting my tongue drift lazily along his bottom lip.

"I'm thinking about how much I love you," I murmured, stroking his hair back from his face. As attractive as it was to have his hair fall across his face like that, I still preferred it brushed back so I could see every angle and line of his face and not have any of it hidden from me. I loved the slightest dusting of freckles on his cheeks that were so faded they almost weren't there. I loved the slight break out he had near his hairline on the right side of his face and I loved the small scar he had on his jaw where a soccer ball had split him open as a kid. I loved all his imperfections, because for some reason I could not ever explain to myself or to anyone, made him seem even more perfect.

"Nishi," I whispered, kissing his neck.

"Mmm?"

"Will you marry me?" His lazily half-lidded eyes shot open to stare at me. "I've been thinking about it, and I love how I feel around you. I never want to lose that feeling, so I want to marry you and make you mine."

Nishi continued to stare at me, his thoughts entire volumes of mysteries that I would never have a hope of comprehending. "I want to grow old with you," I added hastily, trying to make up for the awkward silence starting to build up between us. "I wanna have kids with you, get grey hair with you and travel the world with you."

I listened to Chikayo babble on, his ears burning with embarrassment. I wanted to ease that for him, but how was I supposed to do that when I had no idea what to say? I always imagined if I was with the right person, and I was asked that question, I would instantly say 'yes', because I would have no doubt in my soul that I wouldn't even need to think about it, yet here I was with the one person who made me happiest in the world and all I could ask was..."Are you sure?"

"What?" he burst, as if he'd been holding his breath. "Yeah, of course I'm sure, or I wouldn't be asking, would I? I wanna marry you. I wanna have what Light and L have together. They've got a house and a family..."

I grimaced. As much as I secretly wanted the security of those things, they would never exist for me. Love wasn't real. Trust wasn't real. Family wasn't real. All of these things had abandoned me a long time ago. Chikayo was talking about a fantasy world. He had convinced himself, like every other love-struck idiot in the world, that love and marriage solved everything. Marriage didn't change anything. A piece of paper didn't stop two people from separating, my parents had proven that.

"I know what you're thinking," Chikayo murmured, watching me carefully. "You're thinking about how your parents didn't stay together, so how could we?"

"Marriage isn't real. And it isn't even legal for us, either," I shrugged, turning to bury my face in the pillows. "I don't want to prove Light right, anyway, _him _and his _perfect _life. I can be just as happy and safe knowing no one can ever hurt me."

"How can you be happy, never letting anyone love you?" Chikayo asked, stroking my arm gently. "I don't want anyone else. I've never felt so...right about something like this. You're the only one I can see myself with in twenty years. I want to make it official. I want to make you mine and I want to be yours."  
"And you want marriage to prove that?" I tried to sigh, trying to sound like I didn't care, when all I wanted to do right now was to be selfish and cry and wallow in self-pity.

"I can't stand not knowing if we're going to be together in ten years or so. I need to know," he told me firmly. "I want you to marry me, but that's your choice, in the end."

"Can't you just settle for just accepting the fact that I love you? We don't need marriage to prove it," I said firmly. "Even if it weren't illegal for us to marry, consider the fact that we're still teenagers. Why don't you ask again in a few years? We haven't even been together that long..."

"You don't need years to know if you love me or not," Chikayo replied, a little heatedly. Obviously he was hurt that I wasn't melting into him and his romantic fantasy of us two getting married and being true loves forever.

"I told you that I love you, I just don't think I want to be tied down right now!" I retorted, a little angry that he was expecting so much of me and didn't believe me when I said I loved him.  
"Why? I love you and I don't want to be tied down to anyone else. I don't _need _anyone else. Do you think it won't work out? Because you're not your parents. Just because they can't make a commitment doesn't mean you can't either. Or isn't this a serious relationship for you? Do you plan on having a few more boys on your belt before you settle down?"

I felt like I had been slapped. I pushed myself angrily away from him. "We aren't like Light and L. I don't want to be immature like Light and just fall for the first guy who says he loves me!"

"Light loves L more than anything!" Chikayo snapped defensively. "He didn't go for the first guy who asked him out."

"Oh yeah? Did you ever ask Light out? You've always loved him, haven't you? If you've always loved him, why didn't you say something, or stop him from marrying L? You're worse than Light! You just used me to make yourself feel better. A consolation prize. I'm still the first boy you've ever slept with! You only think you love me, but you're just hiding your feelings about Light!" I burst. Chikayo was stunned for a moment, before he got to his feet and stomped to the door.

"Forget I said anything. Forget I ever proposed. In fact, forget we were ever together," he said coldly, before leaving.

I fell back to the pillows, sinking into them wearily. I was trembling, filled with grief and anger. This was the end, was it? It only proved to me that I was right. I was the complete opposite of Light, I was dark and moody and uneducated. I was creative and unsubmissive. I was just a replacement for Light.

I had been having the same dreams for years. Maybe some were more nightmares than dreams.

In one, I was locked in a dark house, lit only by the black and white static playing on a televison. Before me, a dark haired man lay on the carpet, his blue eyes watching me, unblinking. He was unmoving, as still as stone and he smelt of urine. I reached out with tiny hands, holding a slice of bread and pressed it to his lips, trying to get him to eat. Wasn't he hungry? He hadn't moved in a long time. I was starving, why hadn't I been fed yet? I tried to cry. Why wouldn't this man eat? Why wouldn't he talk to me? I felt very lonely.

I got to my feet and left the bread beside the man's head, in case he decided to eat it when I wasn't looking and tip toed into the bedroom, frightened I would make a noise. There was a woman in the bed, her long blonde hair spilling over the pillows, her brown eyes staring up at the ceiling and her mouth hanging open. I waved a fly away from her lips, wishing she'd blink. I pulled a mushroom from my pocket and stuffed it into her mouth, watching her for a moment, looking for the slightest of movements. Surely she would twitch? Was this like the statue game? She was very good at being a statue. She didn't move at all. I wasn't very good at that game.

I crawled onto the bed next to her and lay very still. I tried to hold my breath like she was doing, but I couldn't hold it for long and let it out in a noisy gush. I rolled onto my side and wondered why the blankets covering her were so messy. Why had she spilled paint on herself? I loved to paint. I touched it but the maroon paint was dry. Before, it had been wet and my favourite colour, red, and I'd been painting with my fingers on the carpet and the wall. I looked over to the patch of wall I had been painting on.

I had drawn a house, a sun, a little boy with his two stick-figure parents and a bird. But in big, shaky, childish letters, a name had been scrawled. _Miheal._

From there, I would wake up in a sweat, wondering why I had been dreaming I was a little boy and trying to feed two corpses. What was hard this time, as I awoke, was the fact Matt wasn't here to hug me and get me a glass of water. I had the urge to scream for him, until I remembered Matt and I weren't talking. We weren't friends anymore. He wasn't there for me anymore. I buried my face into the pillow and began to sob silently into it, grieving for my lost friend.

"Check," L murmured.

I moved my bishop half-heartedly, my mind and gaze unable to be shifted from the utterly hairless man before me. I was watching him for any sign of the numerous waves of nausea that often came upon him. I hated that he was so sick, I hated that I could do nothing but give him words of encouragement and a bucket. I knew he was getting tired of me being so watchful, spending all my time here so that my skin was beginning to grow as pale as his. He seemed so much paler now that he had not a single hair on his body. No eyelashes, no eyebrows, no hair on his arms or legs. But somehow, even though some might have found him repulsive, I found it oddly captivating. He was still beautiful, and I didn't find that just because I loved him. He was such a fragile creature, without his hair much more so, begging to be held and cherished.

"Light, please think more carefully of your moves in the future," L chided, dark obsidian eyes almost annoyed as he removed my bishop and replaced it with his own knight. "Are you preoccupied?"

"I'm just worrying about you, as always," I smiled, resting my chin in my palm and examining the game closer than before. "You would think I could multi-task by now, stressing out about you should be second-nature."

"Stressing out about me should not be natural for you," L frowned, his attention briefly caught by my phone alerting me to a text message. I rolled my eyes at him and reached for it, reading the message quickly and putting it back down again. "Who is it?" he asked.

"Just Chikayo. He wants to know if I'm busy," I answered, deciding to move my king to a safer spot.

"Well? Aren't you going to answer him? You should see him, you haven't been home in a while. I'm surprised you aren't paying rent at this hospital considering you almost live here."

"I _am _busy, I'm looking after you."

"That's what doctors and nurses are paid to do," he pointed out, moving his knight again to conquer my second bishop. "They're trained to look after me, whereas you are not."

I winced, recalling how many times I had just gotten in the way of nurses trying to give him appropriate care. I wasn't trained in how to deal with pressure sores, or work with needles or change bed pans, even though I offered to help enough times and watched closely to try and learn so I could be of some use, somehow.

"Light, please, go see Chikayo. Spend some time with your best friend for a change," L said gently, taking my hand in his as I reached to move a pawn. "I'm not planning on dying any time soon. You're safe to leave for a few hours, you know."

I studied his face for a few moments before I finally nodded.

I hadn't been able to get Nishi's words out of his head, about how I was still in love with Light. It had struck a chord in me, and I figured that I had to see for myself. Was I any different around Light? Was there something there that Nishi could see? I cared about Light so much that maybe I was confused. I thought I was over him, but I knew I would still always love him...but how much? I knew I loved Nishi, but was he right? Was I just replacing my love and obsession for Light for Nishi? I had to know.

Two spotlights flooded the batting cage I was in, a place Light and I had spent some time in our younger years. We'd been on the baseball team together, and in high school we were partners on the tennis court. I was pretty sports orientated, whereas Light was more focused on studies. I'd help him out with his tennis training and he'd help me with my history study. Not that he'd ever needed much help with tennis or I'd needed much help with history. I think it was just excuses in the end. Excuses for us to spend time together, just the two of us. Mitsu didn't play sports and she had a study group at school.

I heard a car door shut and heard footsteps, before Light appeared at the entry to the batting cage. He gave a nostalgic smile at the familiar wire walls and the dirt strip that had been worn by years of use.

"Hey," he greeted me, coming to sit beside me, leaning against the back of the cage. I gave him a timid smile, hoping the streetlights nearby weren't enough to highlight the blush that was creeping onto my cheeks. "Sorry I haven't seen you in a while. Things have been pretty hectic at work."

"You do a lot of shifts," I commented, pulling out weeds with my fingers. "We barely see you at home anymore."

"Yeah, it gets pretty busy with day and night shifts," he shrugged, eyes watching my fingers tug at the more stubborn weeds. "How come you wanted to see me? Did something happen?"

"Uh, kinda," I mumbled. "Nishi and I had a fight earlier tonight."

"Oh. What about?"

I tugged on a long weed. "He said he doesn't know if he wants to be with me." _Tug tug tug. _"We both said some hurtful stuff to each other, I guess." _Tug tug tug. _"But I didn't really ask you to come here just because Nishi and I had a fight, I just wanted...to see you. We haven't hung out in a long time."

"That sucks, that you're fighting," he commented, ripping out weeds of his own. "You've been together for a while now. Do you want him to make a commitment?"

"I did. That's what started our fight. Maybe it was too soon for him, we've only been dating for a few months...but I'm guessing it's pretty much over between us."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I shrugged. "No use flogging a dead horse. There's plenty more fish in the sea, right?" _Except I want only one and I think that it's you. _

"Exactly," he encouraged. "No use moping over something you can't fix. I mean, that's not to say you two can't work it out, but don't think this is the end of the world. There are plenty of other guys out there ready to throw themselves at you."

"Really?" I asked, raising a brow. _Maybe...you?_

"Sure," he smiled. "You're funny, you're a great guy, you're attractive, who wouldn't want you?"

"You think I'm attractive?"

"Of course I do. You've got the whole athletic cool-guy thing going on. Very attractive." For once, I was starting to suspect that Light wasn't thinking. He usually thought before he spoke, but it seemed this was coming straight from his heart. _Fuck, I love you, Light. I've always loved you._ "Do you think I'm good looking?" he laughed. "People say so, but sometimes I doubt it and they're saying it just to be nice."

"Yes," I told him seriously. "You're the most beautiful boy in the world."

"Thanks," he grinned. "That's what L says." _Fuck L. _

"You're not just beautiful. You're fucking hot," I breathed, leaning over and capturing his lips in mine, holding his face to mine with my hand. He was frozen for a moment, caught by surprise, which gave me the advantage of pushing myself into him, pushing him into the ground and pinning myself between his legs.

"Chikayo," he gasped, pulling his lips away.

"Please, Light. I need to know."

"Know what?" he asked hoarsely.

"I need to know how I feel about you," I answered, looking into his wide eyes. The colour of caramel. The street lights were reflected in them, looking more beautiful than the stars that littered the dark sky above us.  
He was silent, obviously thinking. Finally, he spoke, his voice soft. "Do you think kissing me is going to show you how you feel?"

"I'm hoping so," I nodded, cheeks burning with shame. How could I be so weak to him?

"And what will happen if you finally realise your feelings?"

"If I don't feel anything, I'll leave you alone. If I feel something...then I'll just have to get over it. I won't force you into anything, Light."

"Kissing you won't change how I feel about L," he murmured. Slowly, he lifted his lips to mine, kissing me gently. I eagerly tried to kiss him with more enthusiasm, but he simply shut down. "No," he said, putting his hands on my chest and pushing me away slightly. "Take things slowly, don't let lust get between us."

I stared at him for a moment, before nodding and dipping down to meet his lips again, this time slowly and lovingly. He tasted like coffee, his tongue was warm and inviting. This was everything I'd dreamt of as a young teenager. The hips I were gently grinding into were the ones I'd been thinking of as I'd jerked off when alone in my room.

_"Okay, boys, time for a bath," Mrs Yagami called to us upstairs. Light and I were in his bedroom, and I was sleeping over for the first time. We were lying on his bedroom floor, playing with toy soldiers. _

_"I shot that guy!" Light protested, pointing to one of my soldiers. _

_"No way, my tank drove in front of him and he didn't get hurt," I defended, showing him how I'd manevoured my tank._

_"He's supposed to be dead, I shot him," Light repeated, frustrated. I didn't want him to be angry, so I flicked over the soldier. _

_"Okay, the bullet hit him, my tank didn't save him," I told him, giving him a smile. He beamed back._

_"Now, Light," Mrs Yagami said, appearing at the door, holding two clean towels. "You two go have a bath. I've got the water waiting for you, hurry up, before it gets cold."_

_"Fine," Light grimaced, getting to his feet and taking the towels from her. "C'mon, Chikayo."_

_I got to my feet and followed him to the bathroom. The Yagami family had a very modern house, built in the western style. Their bathroom wasn't very much like the traditional Japanese one I had back at my house, but I'd had been in a bathroom like this before. _

_We took off our clothes, and I peeked at Light, wondering what he looked like with no clothes on. I flushed when I saw that he was also peering at me in the corner of his eyes. We both quickly looked away and rushed to get into the waiting bathtub and hide ourselves in the bubbles. _

_"Your thing looks different from mine," Light mentioned, looking at me curiously. I flushed, not liking very much that I was somehow different from him. _

_"What do you mean?" I asked, trying not to show him how worried I was. Was there something wrong with me? When I had a bath with Mitsu, she was different, but I wasn't worried because she was a girl. But Light was a boy like me, and I didn't want to be different. "Show me yours. What's different?"_

_"Here," Light offered, sitting up on the edge of the bathtub. He seemed to know that I was worried, and he was trying to make me feel better by not making it a big deal. "See? On the end here." He pointed to his own, were skin seemed to be covering the end of his willy. My fingers trailed to the end of my own and by touch, I knew I was different. _

_I sat up on the edge of the tub beside him and showed him the tiny scar I had. "Mine used to be like yours when I was a baby," I told him, "but the doctor cut it off."_

_"Why?" Light asked, looking amazed. I shrugged._

_"Daddy said it's because his daddy is from a place somewhere and they do it to all the boys when they're babies. He has it done, too."_

_"Did it hurt?" Light asked, looking closely at my willy._

_I shook my head. "I was only a baby."_

_"Can...Can I touch it?" he asked, still amazed that we were different in such a small way. I nodded, smiling wryly as I blushed. He reached forward and touched the tip of my willy, running his fingers up and down around it. It felt nice. _

_"Can I touch yours?" I asked, wondering what the skin on his felt like. He nodded, cheeks pink also. I tentatively reached forward and felt the skin there. It felt different and he showed me how he could push the skin back and make us look the same. He smiled at me, and I smiled back, glad Light Yagami was my best friend. We may have looked different, but he didn't make me feel different._

_"A girl gave me a love letter today," Light confessed to me as we walked to my house together from school. "She's in another class."_

_"Is she pretty?" I asked, feeling a little jealous that I had never gotten a letter like that before. Light shrugged, cheeks slightly pink._

_"Not really. She has a huge gap in her front teeth."  
"What did she say?"_

_"That she's in love with me and she wants to get married to me. I don't want to marry her," he told me, worried. I patted him sympathetically on the shoulder. _

_"Tell her that you don't want to marry her and that she's dumb and to leave you alone. Dad says girls will only take your money and hurt you."_

_"Do you think she'll take my money box?" he stressed, thinking of the money box he was keeping to save up for baseball cards. I shook my head._

_We got home and headed up to my bedroom where we lay on my bed, admiring the rare baseball cards I had collected. I was pretty proud of my collection._

_"Chikayo...What do you think it's like...to kiss a girl?"_

_I looked at Light in surprise, noticing his face was red. "I don't know. I've never kissed a girl before."_

_"I was thinking that...because what if I finally do kiss a girl...and I do it wrong? What if she hates me? I don't want to do it wrong."_

_"My cousin Kasunori once told me to practise on an orange," I told him, feeling very much like I was telling a secret. "You take a bite out of it and smooch it, he said."_

_"Have you ever done it?" Light asked. I shook my head, slumping slightly. He was right. What if I finally got to kiss a girl and I did it wrong? She would tell everyone and then everyone would know I was a bad kisser and no one would ever want to kiss me again._

_"We have oranges downstairs if you want to try it," I said, hoping he wouldn't think the idea was dumb. I didn't want Light to think I was stupid or a bad kisser. He nodded, and I quickly dashed downstairs and brought two oranges up. "I suppose we better peel them a bit before we bite them," I told him, passing him my favourite pocket knife I'd been given for my tenth birthday a few months ago. He peeled a bit off the fruit and I did the same to my own when he gave me back the knife. Together, we took a bite into the fruit and examined our handiwork. _

_"So...we just kiss it?" Light asked, sounding doubtful. "Do you have to use your tongue?"_

_"I'm not sure," I admitted, feeling a little stupid. "It would be easier if someone could show us and have a girl to actually practise on."_

_"Well...we could practise on each other," Light pointed out, cheeks a little pink. I flushed, my heart beating a little faster at the idea. "We've both never done it before, so we don't have to worry," he pointed out, "but if you don't want to, we don't have to."_

_"No, I don't mind," I said hurriedly, glad I could actually practise on someone. "Just don't tell anyone."  
"I won't," he promised, crossing his heart. I did the same and we shyly moved closer together on the bed. _

_"Are you really sure?" I asked, as he leaned forward slightly, puckering his lips. He nodded, eyes watching me closely. I closed my eyes tightly and moved my head quickly forward, bumping my chin painfully into his. _

_"Not like that, open your eyes," Light told me, grabbing my cheeks in his hands. Slowly, he guided my lips to his and pecked them softly. I closed my eyes, flushing already because I had gotten it wrong. He continued to keep pecking my lips, before he just let them rest on mine. I liked the feel of it and wondered what it would be like for our tongues to touch. Would it be wet? Would it be gross? I slowly let my tongue out and licked his lips, noticing they were slick and tasted of the orange he had bitten into before. His tongue came out too, and licked my tongue, playing with it. The taste of oranges was stronger. His tongue wasn't as wet or gross as I thought, in fact, it felt pretty exciting. After a while, we finally pulled away, flushing._

_"How was it for you?" I worried. Was it as good for him as it was for me? Did he find it fun like I did?_

_"It was okay," Light shrugged. I slumped. Just okay? He noticed and gave me a wry smile. "You weren't bad, Chikayo. I'd be your girlfriend if you kissed like that." He crossed his heart again and I gave him a big smile. Friends forever, I thought._

_Light and I were sitting together at the baseball grounds in our usual spot in one of the batting cages, eating ice creams. He had just turned twelve yesterday, and I had turned twelve a month earlier. I'd gotten him a cool necklace with a shark tooth on it and he'd been wearing it nonstop. I grinned, proud he liked it. I knew he'd think it was cool, just like I did._

_"Chikayo, what do you think of those sex ed lessons at school?" he asked, frowning slightly._

_"They're weird. Girls periods sound pretty gross," I said, wrinkling my nose. _

_"Hirofumi-sensei said that when boys our age start to get pubic hair...Have you got any?" he asked, sounding a little worried. _

_"Nope," I said, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, none of the guys in our class does. Though Kintoki has a mustache on his face...it looks kind of stupid. Mitsu says the girls call it his 'bum fluff'."_

_"Do you think it was true at lunch, when Masayori said he masturbates every night?"_

_I looked at Light in surprise. "Probably, why?"_

_"You mean he actually does it?"_

_"Sure. A lot of guys have. Even me."_

_"You've masturbated?" _

_"Yeah, sometimes twice a day. Usually only when I have a shower though. I don't do it in bed because I don't like making a mess...Are you saying you've never done it before, Light?"_

_He shook his head, face red. I gave him a small smile. "It feels pretty good. You should try it."_

_"What does it feel like?" he asked, curious and still shy. I paused, thinking._

_"I guess it just feels great. I'd do it all the time if I could." _

_Light frowned. "How do I do it?"_

_"You know how to get turned on, right?" I questioned. I felt very much like a big brother, explaining these things to Light. We were best friends and we would keep each other's secrets forever. _

_"What kind of things turn you on?" Light asked me timidly. I shrugged, uncomfortable with this question. _

_"Just normal stuff," I evaded, "just think of people you think are hot and picture them naked."  
A few things turned me on. I thought boobs were okay, and I really liked thinking about bums, but secretly, I was a little fascinated with penises. The teacher at school had said it was okay to have wet dreams and things about strange things. I didn't want to stop thinking about penises, not when it made me feel the way it did._

I knew this was very wrong and it was making me a bad person, but I wasn't going to stop him. This would be the answer to what Chikayo and I had obviously been asking ourselves for years. What if we had been together? What if we had had the courage to admit what we'd felt for each other? I wouldn't let this go any further than kissing, because even though I'd always been curious to see what could have been between us, my life and my body was L's. I would always love Chikayo, but L was everything to me.

Chikayo finally pulled himself away and ran his fingers through his hair. I lay down and pulled him until he was nestled in the crook of my arm. I stroked his hair gently as we looked up at the stars together.

"We could be happy together," he finally murmured.

"We could be," I agreed, "but we would never know for sure."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you," he frowned, stiffening. I kissed the top of his head and he relaxed.

"I kissed you back, remember? I'm sorry, Chikayo, but L owns my heart in a lot of ways that you never could. You will always have a space in my heart though, that he will never fill."

"I'm glad...you're happy," he said finally, reaching up to kiss my lips gently. "I hope I can find someone like you."

I smiled at him and continued to stroke his hair. "You have Nishi and you two clearly need each other. He's not the rebel Matsuda led me to believe he was. Maybe you've made him a better person somehow."

"If you think I should be with Nishi, why would you still do this with me?" he asked, curious. I simply continued to smile, feeling very content.

"Because I've always wanted to. Now I know what it's like, so I can finally stop wondering. My curiosity is satisfied and I'll never need to stray from L again. And you needed it too. Finality. We needed a close."

"I suppose...you're right." We were silent for a long time, just gazing together at the stars.

***

At last I knew. Nishi was not a substitute for Light. Light was special to me, he would always be special to me. He was my first love, my first obsession. And that didn't stop me from loving Nishi, because I knew Nishi loved me in return. Nishi was special too. Light and I were no longer little kids, or teenagers learning about ourselves. We were men who had reached an understanding. Light didn't need me anymore, and I didn't need me. Right now, I knew Nishi needed me and I needed him. I needed a love in my life and I couldn't turn my back on him to continue lusting after a man I could never have. Nishi was mine and I would have to be patient and show him I was worth having. I looked up at Light, and crossed my chest, promising this would stay between us forever.

"Maura! Matt! What a surprise to see you both here," I smiled, her arm linked in Mello's.

"Hi, guys," Maura beamed. Mello glared at Matt, who merely scowled, looking away. "Who knew you guys would come here clubbing tonight!" Maura's talents didn't really involve acting, but Matt and Mello didn't seem to suspect that we'd planned to 'bump' into each other here at the club. "I love your dress, Nova."

I thanked her and gave her a compliment in return. "Why don't we get a drink and a booth together before we hit the dance floor?" I suggested, feeling very manipulative. Nova nodded enthusiastically and practically began to drag Matt to the bar.  
"Nova, let's go somewhere else. You know I don't want to hang out with _him_," Mello grimaced.

"No way," I said firmly, knowing Mello would give in. He enjoyed Matt's company, even if it involved sniping at each other. "Just enjoy yourself. Prove to Matt that you're happy and you don't need him if you want to. Besides, you have to admit, he's pretty cute and all the girls and boys on the floor will be fighting Maura for him on the dance floor, especially if he can pull some moves."

"Matt can't dance to save his life," Mello said confidently, before his manner became that of a frown, "but some people might find him cute."  
"Well, show him up," I smiled deviously. Mello loved competition almost as much as he loved chocolate. Mello snapped his neck and cracked his gloved fingers before putting his hands on his hips.  
"He won't be hard to show up," he said confidently. "I'll have people eating out of my hands in just a few seconds of doing the sprinkler."

"Well, get on the floor and pull your moves, gorgeous," I grinned. Mello didn't need to be told twice. He stomped onto the floor, pushing his way into the throbbing mass of people. I walked over to meet Maura and Matt by the bar and ordered myself a drink.

"Where's Mello?" Maura asked, noticing the chocolate monster wasn't with me. I gestured to the dance floor.

"He's over there, showing off."

I watched Matt's eyes fly over to the dance floor where Mello had already cleared a circle of people around him as he danced crazily. Both of us were familiar with Mello's eccentric dance style. It was one of the differences between Matt and Mello. Mello was a jump style dancer whereas Matt preferred shuffling.

"Wow, he does jump style?" Maura asked, wrinkling her nose. "Unartistic, it's just jumping on the spot to the beat."

I made a buzzing sound. "_Wrong_, jump style is _awesome_. There's more to it than just getting air. You have to kick in time and cover the basics before you do tricks. It takes more effort than shufflers think."

We watched Mello jump and kick himself around in a circle to the hard style genre music. Maura began to grin and grabbed Matt's hand tightly. "C'mon, Matt, this is what we've been doing all week. Let's duo-shuffle this fool."

"Pardon?" I queried, sipping my drink.

"Matt and I have been hanging out in this mall where a bunch of us shuffle and we've come up with a pattern of our own."

I had to admit, there was nothing more exciting to see than a duo-shuffle or duo-jump style display, when two people would do the same complicated dance in complete sync. I admired the way Maura knew how to encourage Matt, by easing him into a situation. She would warm him up by dancing with him and then let Matt keep burning and focus only on Mello.

I watched the pair move onto the floor into Mello's circle where people were watching him dance so enthusiastically. When Mello's eyes caught onto Matt joining his open space, his moves became instantly aggressive.

I watched Matt look me up and down before turning to Maura, giving her a slight nod. Instantly, on the next beat, they burst into movement. Goddamn shufflers. I had to admit, they were pretty good, keeping in perfect sync. They'd been practising for this. Stupid Matt. I'd teach him for trying to show me up!

I kicked even higher, pretending each kick of my legs was aimed at his face. I had liked when everyone's attention was on me, I didn't like this sharing of the attention. _Screw you, fag._ I hated how Matt just broke from his routine with Maura and began to shuffle crazily around me, as if to challenge me. _Bring it, bitch._

I sipped at my drink, scowling. This really wasn't working out. Mello and Matt were wrestling on the floor, trying to punch the crap out of each other. So much for my big epic plan for them to just start grinding sexily together and give in to their animal magnetisms. I turned back to the bar as the bouncers pushed their way onto the floor to break them up.

"A puppy!" Matsuda squealed.

"Meet Pythagoras," I announced, holding up the pure black Harlequin Dane up for inspection. From the way Matsuda was bouncing up and down and cooing, I suspected Sparkles had lost his lover.  
"He's cute," Mello declared, snatching him from me and examining him. "I'm gonna go take him for a walk. Have you got a leash for him, Light?"

"He doesn't need a walk," I told him, frowning but pleased Mello liked my choice.

"You're going to help me pick up," Mello grinned at the puppy, kissing his wet nose. "What do you think, Matsuda? Would you fall for it?"

"You're not using Pythagoras to hit on people," I scowled, snatching the puppy back and holding him protectively. Mello poked his tongue out.

"I think he's cute enough that I won't complain about how you didn't get a worm farm. I was looking forward to naming them all 'Near'." He smirked to himself and tried to offer the bundle of black fur his chocolate.  
"Don't!" Matsuda cried out. "Dogs can't have chocolate! It thins out their blood and causes heart attacks! It's toxic to dogs!"

"Sheesh, don't have a cow, Matsu," Nishi grimaced from the kitchen bench where he hadn't shifted. I thought perhaps I should feel more guilty about what had transpired between Chikayo and I the other night, but in the end, I didn't think it made any difference. I believed it had helped Chikayo move on and made him realise just how much Nishi meant to him. Even though there was a strain between he and Nishi, they at least had forgiven each other and were still trying to make things work.

It had been L's suggestion when I'd returned to him at the hospital to finally buy the dog we'd been talking about and together we'd gone online and searched for breeders. Apparently, Watari had had a series of Danes throughout his life and was of the opinion that they were a noble, friendly and loyal breed, something that reminded me strongly of L. It was a little sad for me that L wouldn't be here to meet Pythagoras, but at least we'd gotten news this morning that L would be able to come home in a month or so. Enough time for his hair to grow back.

I put Pythagoras into Matsuda's begging hands and retreated to the bedroom that felt very empty without my cake-loving lover in it. I pulled out my phone and dialled L's number, keen to tell him all about Pythagoras before I had a nanny nap and returned to the hospital.

"Hey, sexy," I smiled into the phone when L answered. "You should see him, he's adorable."  
"I'm sure he is," L chuckled. "Not as adorable as you, though. Anyway, I'm sorry I can't talk longer with you, the nurse is here to give me a bath, and she's looking at me disapprovingly. I fear she'll confiscate my phone."

"So she should. You know you're not supposed to have a phone in hospital. Anyway, I'll be round to see you after I have a nap here. When does your next chemo session start?"

"Tomorrow morning. I'll probably have a sleep too. I'm afraid I have to go, my love. Goodbye, I love you - yes, see? I'm hanging up - sorry, Light, the nurse is - one moment, please-!" I chuckled to myself as I heard the phone beep as he was disconnected.

I heard an odd noise and spun to see Mello standing in the doorway, a horrified expression on his face. "L is in hospital?"

I paled. I couldn't deny it. What could I say? What quick lie could I concoct? I couldn't say it was just a friend.

"Why haven't you told anyone? L isn't overseas, is he? Why is L in hospital?" Mello demanded.

"He's okay, he just caught food poisoning-"

"Bullcrap! He never left Japan! Why wouldn't you tell us that he came back and had food poisoning? What's wrong with L!"

"He's okay," I repeated dumbly.

I spun on my heel and rushed to the garage to see Matt backing sparkles out. "Wait!" I barked, running over and pushing myself into the passenger seat.  
"What is it?" Matt asked, eyes wild in surprise.

"We're going to see Watari," I told him firmly, whipping out my phone and pulling out the old man's number out of the contacts folder. I dialled and put the phone to my ear.

"May I help you, Mello?" Watari asked, obviously having caller ID.

"Where can I find L? Which hospital is he in?"

"How did you find out-?"  
"I overheard Light talking to him on the phone!" I exclaimed. I saw Matt's eyes widen as he listened to me. "Which hospital, which ward, which room, Watari?"

"Mello, L has limited visiting hours-"  
"Bullcrap, Light doesn't have a job. This whole time he's been at the hospital with L. As if a newsagents would hire him everyday all day. He's barely ever home. _Now tell me where L is._"

_I need to see for myself that he is okay._

L was my mentor, my idol, everything I had built myself up to be. I couldn't stand the thought that he could be lost so soon. Watari was silent for a moment before I was given the information I needed.

I pushed the door open, Matt at my heels, and burst into the room. There was a single bed, with a bald man sitting up in it, reading a book. My breath caught in my throat. _His hair_. L's beautiful black hair! It was gone! Cancer...L had cancer.

"Mello? Matt? What are you doing here?" L asked, caught off-guard.  
"I heard Light talking to you on the phone and I interrogated Watari to find out where you were. You never left Japan. You've been here this whole time," I accused, stomping over to his bedside. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you through this!"

"Mello, I don't need help," L said gently, but firmly. He gestured for me to sit on the chair beside him, something I suspected Light had spent a lot of time on. "I am doing very well. I have the best care available and I am well onto the road of recovery."

"You can't do this alone! How could you not tell me?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from breaking. I was in so much shock at the sight of him. He was so thin, so skeletal and pale, his hair gone.

"The only people that are aware of my condition is Light, Watari and myself. I intended it to be this way, Mello. In fact, I had earlier intentions of not involving Light at all. I didn't want to cause concern in anyone. I do not want sympathy, I do not need pity. I just need my life to resume as per normal as soon as possible."

"You didn't tell me," I croaked, still unbelievably hurt. I knew I had never been particuarly close to L, but I still had considered him the closest thing to a father figure.

"Mello, if things were to become so bad that my life were to be seriously threatened, you would have been contacted so we could say farewell," L assured me kindly. "Thankfully, that has not been the case. All things considered, I am doing very well."

I slumped forward, and buried my face into his blankets, fighting back frightened tears. I felt his hand stroke my hair. "Matt, come here," L murmured, and I felt Matt join us into a three-way hug. "I do not want to hear any more of you two fighting. I want you two to forgive each other and accept your differences and acknowledge your similarities. I cannot have myself worrying about you two, it is hindering my recovery process."

"Yes, L," I whispered, hot tears leaking out of my eyes. I was surprised when I felt L kiss the top of my head, making me feel as young as I supposed I really was.

"You both need to support each other. You need to be a team again, in order to support me. Can you put aside your differences and do this for me?"

I felt Matt's hand on my shoulder and I didn't shake it off.

Matt had parked Sparkles on a scenic lookout of the city, and I was positive if Light knew Matt had a cigarette inside of his car, Matt would cease to exist. I bit off a square of chocolate. We had been sitting here silently for a little while now, overlooking the lights of the city after our visit to see L.

"I'm sorry," I finally said, putting down my chocolate and looking out of the window and away from Matt as much as possible. "I can't believe this has happened to L...and to Light. I can't imagine what it's like to almost lose someone you love like this. Even though I've said I wish you were dead, it isn't true, and I know I've said a lot of nasty things to you...but I know I...I couldn't stand it if I really lost you."

He was equally silent. Silences weren't normal between us. Usually he would be gaming, the beeps and clicks filling the void. But tonight, here, right now, he was silent. There was nothing in between us anymore.

"Mello...I love you."  
I turned to look at Matt, a sarcastic look plastered on my face before I saw how serious Matt was. I blinked. "I love you," he repeated. "I've always loved you." He flushed and looked down at his knees. "I've loved you since the very first moment I met you."

"I love you too," I croaked, hardly able to get my voice to work. There was a lump in my throat and it seemed I had dirt in my eyes, because they were starting to water a little bit. "You've always been my best friend, Jeevas."

"I really mean it, Mello. I want to be with you, for the rest of my life-"

I silenced him with a kiss.

I watched L sleep, smiling to myself as I stroked his cheek. I didn't consider myself unfaithful, I had done much worse when I had become Kira after promising to stop. No, what happened between Chikayo and myself was something that should have happened years ago, but had been delayed. It was very much like saying goodbye. I knew I would never wonder about him ever again, I was satisfied for the rest of my life. I wasn't sad and I wasn't overjoyed. I was simply...content. The Light who I had been could rest. The Light who I had yet to be could breathe freely now. I would never have anything cloud my mind anymore. I was L's and L was mine and I could have no other desire. I locked my fingers in his and kissed the back of his palm. _I love you._

Chikayo and I sat on the couch at my father's apartment. There was something different between us, and it wasn't Jacky nestled between us who had fallen asleep during the movie we were watching. Not that I was really watching it either, I was too lost in my own thoughts.

"Chikayo?"  
"Mmmn?"

"You know, you caught me by surprise that night."

Chikayo was silent and I knew it didn't require much guessing to tell which night I was referring to.

"I just want you to know that I was scared. I love you, and I want to marry you, too, if that offer still stands."

"What made you change your mind?" Chikayo asked quietly. I hoped he wasn't angry with me for bringing it up.

"We live together, and I love that. I love waking up to you every day and I love being with you. I feel like I'm a better person because of you. I want to have these feelings everyday for the rest of my life. I don't want anyone else making you as happy as you make me. I want to be that person that makes you happy. Will you marry me?"

"Are you sure?" Chikayo asked, uncertain. I smiled and leaned over to kiss him.

"_I'm _the one asking, aren't I? Sure, we haven't been together long, and we're still young, but marriage means something to you and I want it to mean the same thing for me. I don't mean let's get married straight away. Let's just make a promise that we love each other and someday, in a few years, we'll think over this again and marry."

"I will marry you," he agreed, kissing me again, emotion taut on his face. "I've told you. I will always love you and nothing will ever change that."

"Are you going to have sex now?" Jacky asked, peering up at us as we kissed over his head.

"Shut up, you little perve! I'm going to rip your little eyes out..."

"Sayuri," I complained, wishing she'd stay still for a moment. "Come here. You can't go outside without your scarf. And don't go leaving it lying around, it was a present from your Aunt Sayu."

"Daddy, Daddy!" Makoto squealed, pulling on my sleeve. "Daddy, Grandpa Watari is here! He has presents!"

"Where's your jacket, Makoto? Sayuri, stop jumping around and put your scarf on!" I cried, exasperated. I was ready to tear my hair out if she didn't settle down.

Sayuri poked her tongue out at her little brother, shaking her wild black mane of hair. She was as childish as her father but we had no idea where she got her energy from. I just wished she'd put all her energy into something constructive, like her piano lessons perhaps. I couldn't love her any less, however. She was intelligent, happy and healthy, more than I could possibly ask for from L's biological daughter.

"Daddy, can I go get my presents?" Makoto asked, his golden brown eyes large and pleading. I snatched up the beanie from my pocket and covered his honey-coloured hair with it, taking care to tuck his little ears in to protect them from the cold. "Daddy, please?"  
"Hold on," I sighed, straightening his scarf.

"Is Grandpa Watari bringing presents?" Sayuri squealed, running around. She began to cheer, racing to the front door to greet the old man. I tried not to laugh, as her enthusiasm was contagious enough that her normally shy, introverted little brother even began to smile and jump up and down on the balls of his feet in excitement and ran after his sister.

"Dad!" I heard Sayuri shriek, before I heard a loud thump. Ah. L was home. I smiled and leaned against the kitchen counter, waiting.

"It appears you're all dressed up and ready to go out," Watari smiled, entering the kitchen with his arms laden with wrapped parcels.  
"Daddy is taking us to play in the park in the snow," Sayuri told him exuberantly. L followed behind, with Makoto riding on his shoulders, looking very pleased with himself. I smiled as L brought his lips to my own, kissing me softly, before putting Makoto down.

"Has Sayuri been eating sugar again? She seems more hyper than usual," L commented, chuckling as he watched his daughter jump up and down in front of Watari, begging him for her present.

Makoto stood behind his seven-year-old sister, equally as excited, but timidly so. We had put his lack of confidence down to him being partially deaf, or maybe Sayuri had inherited his share of confidence and playfulness. He was definitely a serious child, but L suspected that as my son, Makoto just simply took after me.

"Mello and Matt will be coming over shortly. Nishi and Chikayo might be a little late, it sounded like they were a bit...busy when I called. But Matsuda, Kairi and Kimiko should here for lunch. Kimiko is Makoto's age, isn't she?" L questioned.

"Yeah," I smiled, watching our children as L held me. It was hard to believe Matsuda could be a father, but I did remember a number of years ago when he was a decent carer for his wayward nephew. He and his beautiful wife Kairi were very happy with their four-year-old daughter and they had another child on the way.

Years ago, I could never have imagined we would have reached this point. Where we would have two beautiful children together, a family. It wouldn't have been possible without Mitsu agreeing to be mother to both our children. She was still together with her wife, Arisa, and they were both loving mothers to Sayuri and Makoto.

Tragedy had always threatened to tear us apart, whether it be homophobic attacks, cancer which L had thankfully overcome or a supernatural occurrence called Kira. Kira's time had come and gone, more so when the Death Notes had been destroyed. Some still remembered the lessons, but crime had returned as if it had never been stamped down. However, that didn't mean much to me anymore. I had found a way to change the world, and that was to teach my children to respect others, to value equality, teach them to be valuable members of society. It didn't seem like much, but it was a start towards a better future. But as for Kira all these years onwards...the Death Note seemed nothing more than a dream.

*** Owari ***

I know it's been a very long time since you've been able to have a lick at the ice-cream that is Death Note Dreaming and I know there is barely enough cream here to make an apple pie, but I thought you all deserve _something _for waiting so long. I know you've been waiting for an update for a year now, and I thought I'd finally end your pain and end the fic as painlessly as possible. I'm aware it may be a bit short in a lot of places, but everything has pretty much happened as it was meant to. Would you prefer this short, clean cut ending, or none at all? But if you have any questions about what may have happened to a character that I haven't mentioned or you would like some clarifications about the events here in the last chapter, you're more than welcome to get your fix ^w^

I've had about ten or fifteen requests to write a sequel for Death Note Chain. I'll say it here that I don't have the time or energy to write a sequel, plus it is also virtually impossible with considerations to the rules of the Death Note. I would point out the reasons why, but I don't want to spoil the fic for those who haven't read it yet.

I apologise for not being able to promise a reply to every comment or review I recieved in the past as I only just got proper interwebs tonight! I also have no current plans for any further fics at the moment unless I receive an outstanding amount of threats from people and some fresh ideas ;D

Now for some uber awesome AUTHOR NOTE QUESTIONS!  
(Admit it. You missed them. And I do hope deep down inside that they are not the last.)

1. If you've read Chain, do you think its better than Dreaming?

2. Did L make you cry a little? Hate me for cutting his hair off? It grew back!

3. How much do you love me?

4. What do you think of Matsuda separating Mello and Matt as well as his rampant paranoia in nearly shooting Light the Serial Killer (heh, the scene was funny because Light _is _a serial killer, as Kira)?

5. All the couples got together in the end. Surely this makes you happy? Satisfied with the ending? Matsuda is a daddy! Poor Sparkles...(in the end, Light bought Matsuda his own Mini Cabrio in a flashy yellow).

6. Okay, I will admit...I have _always_ been a ChikayoxLight fan. I can't help it. I couldn't resist having some closure with them. Chikayo needed to realise that his love for Light and Nishi was separate and Light needed to know that his feelings for Chikayo were over. Originally, those scenes were a lot more raunchy, but I figured people would be more upset about Light's experimenting that I decided to just limit the scene to kissing.

7. Improvements you can suggest...? You should know the drill (it's chapter 20 for shinigami's sake!).

So, that's all. I shall bid you all farewell unless for some god forsaken reason I begin another fic (if anything, it would be HarryxDraco. I don't think I should tarnish the good name of Death Note any more with my epic fangirl smexfiction). It has really been an honour writing for you all, and having you guys stick with me for such a long period of time, through the ups and the downs. I'd like to thank you for all your constant support, encouragement and helpful comments and ideas that helped bring my fanfic to life and thank everyone for the funnier reviews that had me laughing until tears were running down my face. Thanks for all the fan artwork, the fics you wrote involving my characters and situations and such.

I am honoured to hear that Death Note Dreaming has touched your hearts, has made you laugh and made you cry and taught you things. Thank you for being with me on this journey.

You all mean the world to me. 3


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